younger woman with older man
Ok this my first love relationship with a man a bit older than me. He is 24 years older. We have been together almost six months.
It has its advantages. He seems more relaxed, and laid back. He knows he he is. He is not trying to 'find' himself.
Yet, if there is anyone else out there with a older man, or woman. I would like to see them post it.
The answers to your inquiry will differ depending on whether you are 12 or 22 ...
please clarify.
I personally have no problems with anyone dating a considerably older partner.
I know someone who married someone 33 years her senior....and I'm currently seeing someone who's 22 years older than myself.
I'm thinking I'd rather date someone older than someone my age or younger - they have themselves together, they know what they want, and they've defined their talents and abilities.
And oh, there's none of the little childish games our behavior one sees with a peer. (At times, YMMV, not all men fit into this pigeon hole...yaddayaddayadda)
older = more money :) (usually)
older = more baggage (usually)
Well my friend is low in the money department, high in the baggage..(8 kids, can't help but think ther'es baggage there)...but he can carry on an intellgent conversation and listens intently to what I have to say. Which is not often a trait in younger men.
...but he can carry on an intellgent conversation and listens intently to what I have to say. Which is not often a trait in younger men.
My wife told me she was leaving me. Something about how I never listen, I'm not really sure; I wasn't paying attention... ;)
8 kids, can't help but think ther'es baggage there
So does that mean you're the same age as some of his kids?
My bf is 21 years older. He's a complete FREAK in the sack. I like freaky.
8 kids, can't help but think ther'es baggage there
So does that mean you're the same age as some of his kids?
No...thankfully I'm older than all of his children.
But he and my mom are the same age...which I will be completely honest, was tough to deal with when the relationship first started.
With the 8 kids, it sounds like it could be VERY complicated :yelsick:
his oldest son is a year older...
With the 8 kids, it sounds like it could be VERY complicated :yelsick:
Actually, life is as complicated as you let it get. The kids don't complicate things at all. My interaction with them is extremely minimal - simply because the older ones are away at school or involved in their activities - and the younger ones don't quite understand why Mommy and Daddy are not together anymore - adding a girlfriend to the mix would needlessly confuse them.
And then there's the fact that well, i don't think I could handle 8 kids :) I'm a great auntie....but the whole step mom thing scares the pants offa me.
what are the chances that you'll find your soul mate?
consider the odds. first off, do they even exist? 2nd, do they happen to be of the appropraite sex? 3rd, will you happen to encounter them amongst the other 6 billion people on earth? 4th, will you both be single at the time, 5th, are they of compatible ages? that seems like the least of your worries, AmyGail. if it feels good, DO IT!
PS, welcome home, and which is it.... amy or gail....i don't think we have either.
Before you find a soul mate you have to work out who your soul is. Most people never get there, so never find a soul mate. Know yourself to let someone know you.
Yeah yeah hippy shit whatever it makes sense and btw it works ;)
On the other hand, soulmates are a myth to keep us searching and unhappy and make us buy shampoo.
Then you have people like my sister who thinks the ENTIRE world, and I do mean world, revolves around her. She just turned 46 and she still doesn't have a clue. She treats her husband as the third wheel to her and her daughter. Whenever they go to family functions, they take two cars. They never spend time together and if they do it is doing something SHE wants to do.
So on valentines day he says he wants out and she doesn't understand why. :confused:
I think love can overcome all the bagagge that an older lover carries. That also includes my baggage! I feel i am a lucky woman. btw, amygail simply a internet nick.
On the other hand, soulmates are a myth to keep us searching and unhappy and make us buy shampoo.
Soulmates don't exist until you find one. Only when one abandons the idea of a soulmate can one be truly content in a relationship.
Soulmates don't exist until you find one. Only when one abandons the idea of a soulmate can one be truly content in a relationship.
That was very Zen ;)
What the hell is a soulmate? Do peoples souls mate? I think as long as they continue to make erectile -enhancing medications this will continue. I doubt you saw many 60 year old men in the 60s' with 30 year old women. Come to think of it, I bet the guy's inventing this stuff are all over 50 years old... Think about it. :mad:
Ok this my first love relationship with a man a bit older than me. He is 24 years older. We have been together almost six months.
It has its advantages. He seems more relaxed, and laid back. He knows he he is. He is not trying to 'find' himself.
Yet, if there is anyone else out there with a older man, or woman. I would like to see them post it.
I found my soul mate, he is 26 years older than me. say what you say but you cant go against love. we both KNOW there is a huge age gap..and that our future will have some struggles ( no kids or divorces on both sides), we are planning to get married. he is older than both of my parents. yet we are in a harmonious relationship and are happy together. there is nothing wrong with dating older men or older women for that matter if they can provide emotionally. of course there is financial stability (in most cases) too that is attractive and convinient. there are no rules, we make our life to be what it is and we ought to love the opportunity it gives us to share a life with someone we truly love. so why not?
I'm a seperated 41 year old man and she is 23. We met about 6 months ago and have been dating for 2 months now. I have never been the type of guy where sex ruled my world or my relationships. The thought of being with someone 18 years younger than I never even occurred to me. She pursued me and I declined many times before finally accepting. I have never been happier nor can I believe that she wants ME, just me! For all you doubters, I am not wealthy nor do I hold a position of power in any way. She loves me for the person I am and that is the best thing that life has to offer. I hope to be with her forever. This is the most unusual and wonderful relationship I've ever had, and the issues of age and maturity are there, but we're gonna try and work them out together. Issues like kids (I have 3) have been discussed. She has lupus and cannot have children, but adoption has been discussed. We agree on so many things that I feel this is worth giving a real shot. My greatest concern is that I'll really mess up her life. Feedback??? Please!
I'm seperated ...
We met about 6 months ago and have been dating for 2 months now.
My greatest concern is that I'll really mess up her life.
Feedback???
Please!
Sure. But I need some more information. Please don't skip any questions.
How long ago (in months) did you become separated?
Why are you separated?
What are the ages of your children?
Why do you think you might mess up her life?
Why did you choose the word feedback?
What "feedback" has your best friend given you?
Lastly, tell us one thing you would prefer not to tell us.
Wow. I like the way Beestie thinks.
Marvelous.
(to borrow a word from the Word Ass. Thread)
See, me, I woulda just jumped on the 'feel good' vibe and never looked back. I need and appreciate the more level-headed in our midst.
kudos, Beestie. And, yesman? You'd be wise to consider the questions.
yesman065, when you're ready to retire she'll be in her late 40s and hot to trot. What a great retirement that will be. :jig:
How long ago did you become separated? = 21 months
Why are you separated? = Because my wife Lied constantly, Stole often and cheated repeatedly.
What ages are your children? = 17,15, 14
Why do you think you might mess up her life? = Cuz of the age issues
Why did you choose the word feedback? = Hoping to get more insightful responses than the typical ones.
What "feedback" has your best friend given you? = That he's very happy for me and that if she really makes me happy and I her then to " Never let her go"
Lastly, tell us one thing you would prefer not to tell us. Thats a really hard one. I am scared to death that she's gonna leave me for someone her age. Actually I expect that at some point. We also work together in a very small office with only 3 other employees.
Oh and for Bruce = At least I'll have taken the chance, loved and been loved - better than being 60+ and regretting what could have been.
Absolutely, don't misunderstand me, I'm on your side. I was saying when you're ready to retire you'll have a paramour that's still ready to have fun and not just sit on the porch and rock. :celebrat:
My feedback, based on your answers, would be to make this woman the happiest woman on the planet and not worry about tomorrow. Nothing lasts forever anyway so rather than worrying about when it might end, fool yourself into thinking it will end seven days from now for every now from now till it ends.
And on the chance this advice has meaning for you, I wouldn't worry about whether you deserve it or not. No one has love because they deserve it anymore than anyone who wins the lottery won because they deserved to win.
Enjoy and worry not. Give yourself to her and do not hedge your bet.
OK all, the soap opera continues. I just found out Saturday night that she didn't really "break up" with her boyfriend - she told me that she told him she wanted to "take a break" to see if he really wanted her and blah, blah, blah. She did say that she was 80% sure she was gonna end it for good. Now she went to his place on Sunday to discuss things with him. I was so upset that I haven't spoken to her since. I've got a bad feeling here. And I want to talk to her so bad, but I think she should call me and tell me what happened and where we stand. Unfortunately, I fell asleep really early last night, so I don't know if she tried to call me or not. UGGGHHHH Ain't love grand!
From my experience, "80%" sure is bullshit. It means she's giving boyfriend #1 a huge chance to redeem himself. He could send her roses and, bingo!-he's redeemed. Give it a wide berth. I smell a rat. I think this woman is playing games to soothe her own ego. She's using people.
She writes it off as OK because older guy just wants a fling, not a possible serious love/marriage arrangement. She has more in common with your oldest child than with you. She can't possibly imagine being married to someone with kids in high school when she has spent half of her post-adolescent life in high school. She figures that since you're older and wiser you kind of understand all this stuff and there's no need to spell it out, even if you say meaningful relationship-things. She is not old enough not to know when to not play games.
This going to sound pretty crude, but those here who know me know that sometimes, that's just how I am: Tap it while it is there, grow old and remember the experience fondly. When you're up to it, find a woman who appreciates you and has a bit more substance to her.
I cohabitated with a 23 year old when I was 39. Not as big a difference, but big enough. She was hot, I was lonely, it lasted as long as it lasted. While I would have enjoyed a deeper relationship, there was no way. Actually, as of this writing ten years later, she's *still* not in a committed relationship, and I don't think she will be for some time to come.
I think we old farts lust after young women on two fundamental levels. First, the obvious...they're nice and taut, things stick up instead of hang down, stretch marks are few and far between, they're lively and fun to show off to our friends. This is the visceral level, and those young tarts can really drain off some of the hormonal stuff in fine style. However, that lasts about as long as the next hormonal draining session, and after several of those, you start looking for that second level, the level of "Something More"...and it just isn't there.
I'm sure there are rare exceptions in this; there are certainly youthful women of great substance and depth, but I'm pretty sure they marry much wealthier men than us. :lol:
You covered it pretty well, Els. I'd add that sometimes the younger ones have less baggage........sometimes.
The ones with an ex and kids, even if they're grown and gone, have the most baggage. :smashfrea
You covered it pretty well, Els. I'd add that sometimes the younger ones have less baggage........sometimes.
The ones with an ex and kids, even if they're grown and gone, have the most baggage.
__________________
The one that loves the least....controls the other.
I am *such* a tool.
Artist: Bill Withers Lyrics
Song: Use Me Lyrics
My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me
All you want to do is use me
Ha, ha, but my answer, ha, ha
Yeah, to all that use me stuff
Is I wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
My brother, sit me right down
And he talked to me, ah-ha
He told me, ah-ha
That I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well
Yeah, but when our talk was through
I-I-I said brother, if you only knew
You'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
Oh sometimes, it's true you really do abuse me
You get in a crowd of high class people
And then you act real rude to me
But oh baby, baby, baby, baby
When you love me I can't get enough
I-I and I, wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Oh, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
Talking about you using me
But it all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're using me
'Cause I sure am using you
To do the things you do
Ah-ha, to do the things you do
Ohh, yeah...
Well it's over, I asked for her decision and got it. Of course it wasn't the one I wanted, but onward and upward, I guess. The best part was after I got my heart ripped out and handed to me, She followed with "I still love you, and if things don't work out with Him maybe ......" My response " Maybe what? Maybe I could hang around like your lapdog till he treats you like shit AGAIN. Then I can help pick up the pieces and love you until he sweet talks you into another chance??? Not likely! You led me along and I followed willingly. You wanted time - I gave it to you, knowing you were with him. You needed help, I gave it. Support, no problem. I did everything I could for you because I loved you. In return you rejected me. Remember, you said talk is cheap and actions are important. Well, your actions tonight showed me how much you really love me. Right?" And all this 5 days before Christmas. Merry Christmas to all. I hope its a festive time for all of you. I'm damn sure my Christmas will be extra special this year.
Sorry to hear that, man. I know how you feel....yes I do.
Ripping your heart out, dribbling it down the floor and slam dunking it into a Cuisinart, isn't fair....but it isn't fatal.
Don't let bitterness make it worse, because it only makes it worse for you, not her. Someday you'll look back on this experience and wish you'd choked the shit out of her..... but you'll be glad you didn't. ;)
At least I was productive and got back to writing. On my 3rd day without sleep or eats this really sux. Well I guess that theres someone out there for me, but I still wish it was her right now. Oh well, nothing alotta tears and time won't heal - I hope.
Nicole
I love you more than I can say,
And with you my heart will stay,
You've touched me very deep inside,
In the place where my soul resides.
I cannot continue another day,
Without you to show me the way.
The life I thought that we would build,
Has been taken and left a hole to fill.
The dreams I had of a life with you,
Have all been crushed with no rescue,
You were my reason to carry on,
No place to go I've just withdrawn.
You are my love You are my life,
I'll try to fight through any strife,
Till you return I'll have no thrill,
For you I'll wait till time stands still.
I'll love you always, Onward,
Dave
*Trying to look at the glass as half full*
At least for Christmas you got a glimpse of her true self, and gained insight that a lot of people currently in similar relationships have yet to. As much as it hurts now, how much more would it have hurt to find out who she really was later, when you had a lot more time and emotion into the relationship?
Until one learns the golden rule, no matter HOW old they are, they are unlikely to be a good partner. She did not treat you with the honesty that you deserved, and you rightfully told her to hit the road. The timing sucks, but at least you can buy your new, enlightened self a present instead of her. :) You deserve it. *
*[SIZE=1]Even if you dated someone you work with. Will people never learn?[/SIZE] :lol:
Dave...sorry you got your guts handed to you by someone who hasn't had it happen to them enough to know that it hurts a lot. You seem like a pretty sensitive guy. There's a market for that, you know. Get out there, man. Somewhere in (your city name here) there's woman of style, taste and substance who is contemplating Christmas alone after being dumped by yet another toyboy. Find her. She'll probably be sitting in a corner booth all by herself with a big bottle of some moderately priced white wine, maybe with a couple of her married girlfriends who keep checking their watches because they were supposed to be finishing up the Christmas shopping, but are too worried about their friend to leave her alone. They'll appreciate the chance to bug out.
Chat this woman up, give her a taste of what matters, and wind up sweaty on the floor in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve. Later, you can stick bows on her naughty bits and laugh together.
Go forth and find thee a mature woman! ;)
I'm afraid we spend too much time searching for this "soul mate" person, and as soon as someone comes along who matches a couple of the arbitrary guidelines we've set, we decide "That's the one" and fill in the blanks in our own mind.
Loneliness and hormones can create all kinds of interesting garbage in your brain, from the OMGwehavethisCONNECTIONthatIcan'texplain thing to some variation on "when he/she isn't drinking and cussing me out, he/she is really a good person".
Watch how they treat others -- this is how they will treat you when the new wears off. Don't let them suck you into their personal drama with their old flames. If they haven't decided how they feel about their ex, you're on borrowed time.
There's a stupid old country song that goes, "If it don't come easy, you better let it go." Truer words were never spoken.
edit: However, it's refreshing to see the number of you young 18-25 year olds who fall for the charms of old bastards. Gimme a call :love:
The saga continues: After getting my heart handed to me I COMPLETELY freaked out. She comes to me yesterday and says that she "thinks she made the wrong decision" Well I gotta say that I am a very emotional person who built a wall around my feelings because I just cannot handle the extremes of my emotions. I let everything go with her to try and see what "complete honesty" would be like. Also I have been with like 5 women in my life and married my High School Sweetheart, so I am extremely inexperienced in these situations. Anyway, last night we went to talk and ended up in bed (I know, you're all shocked) It was great, as usual, but now I feel like I want her to try to work things out with this other guy and see what happens. If it does then I never had her anyway, and if it doesn't maybe we can try again later. I gotta say that even after everything she did, my heart, not my ____, still yearns for her, yet I feel sorta empty this am. OK, deep breath, lemme have it.
I don't have to know this "woman" (and I use that term lightly. She's really more of an Orc Girl) any more than what you've described to diagnose her with Emotional Fuckwittage. She's a Fuckwit and she is messing with your head and heart and that is NOT VERY GOOD OF HER. I also think she is high on the drama and feeling the awesome power of her twenty-something sexuality. She's immature, cruel, selfish and just not that interesting, to be brutal and blunt. I KNEW she'd do this to you. It's alllll about her and not about YOU or even the other guy. It's all about the game and the only player who matters is her. Chuck her. There are plenty of women out there who will appreciate you for who you are. She needs to grow the hell up.
Ouch! I'm afraid brutal and blunt is what I need. Don't like it, but it is helping my logic override my emotional desires. Gotta admit it though, I'm still looking for that slim ray of hope...... Always the optimist
Yep, gotta go with Bri on this one. She is enjoying the power of knowing 2 men want her, without any regard to their actual feelings that she is tromping all over. Has she told the other guy she's sleeping with you? Doubt it.
She likely wouldn't be sleeping with you unless there were some feelings there, but why hurt yourself? Instead of pining away for her while she's in someone else's bed, why not get out there and meet someone else worth your time? Oh, and don't even think you can be 'friends' with her after all of this...sheesh. 10 to 1 she decides that that is what she wants. She may not be a bad person, but she IS bad for you.
yesman, I'm sending you an entire pallet of Ball-Gro. Don't move a muscle until it arrives.
Been in your shoes, too. How do you think the other guy feels when she's banging you at your house? He's probably blubbering into a lace hanky, wondering what he can do to make her see that he LOVES her.
She's a demon, and regardless of how deeply she looks into your eyes, how "good" it is when you're together, you have GOT to pull your head out of your ass before she finishes wrecking you.
If you do it quick and ruthlessly, she'll respect you more than if you apologize and cry and spoon and all that other peabrained crap. Cuz now? She's got 0 respect for anyone. She's running back and forth between 2 guys, feigning indecision to squeeze the last drop of attention out of both of you. If you allow it, you need your head examined. DROP THE BITCH. Find a decent woman with her head screwed on straight.
It's not as hard as you are making it out to be -- you're enjoying the drama too, aren't you? C'mon, admit it. The big attraction here is the wide range of emotion you get to be dragged through. It's like heroin.
Cowboy the fuck up. You'll thank us all later.
YesMan, I'm pretty sure I have a graphic around here somewhere that shows a man's heart being directly connected to his crank by way of the stomach. It is a useful visual aid in coming to understand how your heart can hurt after either of the other two organs has been well-satisfied.
This is one horny little minx getting it on with two dudes (possibly in the same day?), and obviously getting something out of it. Now the question becomes...are you getting what *you* need to get out of it? You know, it is entirely possible that you could attempt to sever that penis/heart connection and just enjoy the ride, man. Even better...find that nice mature lady I mentioned earlier, and then let Ms. Thang know that you, too, are now torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool. Tell her that lovin' both of them, is breakin' all the rules...
You'll only be a doormat if you continue to lay there and get walked on, bro.
Well, I'm taking Patricks advice - sort of. I'm trying to just enjoy the ride and not get caught up in all my feelings. I'm having the best sex of my life and I'm not gonna complain about it. If she wants to give this other guy another chance, then my time may be limited, but I'm happy when I'm with her and thats as far as I'm goin. I'm gonna be happy right now and thats it. I just hope I can keep that penis - heart connection severed.
Attaguy - SHE is not taking the relationship very seriously, so you shouldn't either!
IT WILL NEVER WORK.
His cock is patently connected to his heart. Yes, an abberation, but nevertheless--
'tis true.
[sings/ "I hear the train a-coming, it's comin' down the tracks..."/quits singing]
Thanks guys, but She called ME three times today and I've been unavailable. *SMILE* Heck, I just might get lucky before new years. :yum:
Yeah, sounds like trooooooo wuuuuuuv on her part. Not games. Not desperation but LOVE.
Have fun, cowboy.
Your killin me Brianna, and I know you're prob right, but........
From another perspective. I married a woman 13 years younger than myself. When I was in my 20's there were not many liberated women. There were a lot of women who "just wanted a man to take care of them", but who wants one of those? I finally found one in the younger set. We have been together for 33 years, so I guess it worked.
Since I am older, now pushing 70, much of my financial planning has assumed that I would die first. Now it turns out that she has cancer, and while after some courses of chemo, the cancer is now in remission, she is far from being cured.
Anyway, things do not always turn out as anticipated, so make the best of it while you can.
Chuh. Thirteen years younger is v. different from nearly twenty years.
I'm sorry about your wife, joelnwil. And while things usually don't turn out as anticipated there is no sense in putting yourself in harm's way. I know alllll about that trip. It's hard on your body AND mind. I'm really starting to see that connection between 'what one does' and 'how things are'. Granted, most people figure this out long before my ripe age, but better late than never.
Over Christmas her "other boyfriend" was a real asshole, got her no card, no gift - nothing. He was rude, disrespectful and mean to her. She was really hurt and upset. I thought that was a good thing for me, but I again was wrong. She and I had a long talk and I decided to step aside as she tries to work things out with him. If after all that hes done, she still wants to try with him than she must love him much more than she loves me or be really stupid - maybe both. Either way it doesn't matter. I feel better knowing that she didn't want me to end it, but I did anyway - it was the right thing to do. Maybe she'll realize what a jerk he is and give me a real chance at some point. Its kid of ironic that I love someone who isn't in-love with me and shes in-love someone who isn't in-love with her. Oh well, I'm trying to focus on the positives, whatever they are, and move on, but the emptiness and hollow feelings I have are overwhelming and unbearable at times. The worst part is, I honestly believe I left my heart and soul behind with her, and that sucks. Perhaps thats how everyone feels in this situation. I can only hope that she realizes what she lost before its too late. Onward.
1. She's stupid.
2. You're working on healing.
3. Perhaps some day you can go on Springer and when she begs you to take her back, you can tell her no on national TV and have her carried off the stage by Steve as she flips out and starts beating on you.
She is still at the age where she falls for guys who treat her like shit. Clearly you need to treat her like shit for a while.
... Perhaps some day you can go on Springer and when she begs you to take her back, you can tell her no on national TV and have her carried off the stage by Steve as she flips out and starts beating on you.
See? There's a silver lining to everything!
Seriously, yesman, I know you are in major pain right now, but, the kid is young and doing what kids do--playing games. The fact that the stakes are feelings, emotions and lives just makes it all the more fun for her. UT is right, wolf is right, and you must MoveOn.
She is still at the age where she falls for guys who treat her like shit. Clearly you need to treat her like shit for a while.
For some that age lasts a lifetime. I concur.
I have no idea how I was able to fuck up my life like this. All because I fell in love this is bullshit. Why is it that something that feels so right is just so wrong? Wish I could just "move on", but I have no direction right now and not a clue how to get all of this off my mind. I'm such a sadist cuz I'd still take her back in a second too. I must be a real freakin headcase! Most of my friends and family come to me for advice and I can't figure out how I can always guide others, yet not myself.
Sometimes, just standing still IS moving on. You don't have to do anything but feel it and love yourself no matter what. I can make you one promise, though: you will NOT feel like this forever.
:grouphug:
Sometimes, just standing still IS moving on. You don't have to do anything but feel it and love yourself no matter what. I can make you one promise, though: you will NOT feel like this forever.
:grouphug:
What she said. In my experience, the way out of your situation is to say "I'm hurting more now than I ever have before - but I
WILL get over it with time". Feel it, and let it go.
DidI mention that we, on top of everything else, work together and I have to see her everyday? I still can't believe I did this! I am so freakin pissed at myself. Oh well....
When you see her just remember....you've had that. ;)
Thanks Bruce that makes me feel so much better! I was a total mess yesterday so did something I NEVER do. Got a bottle of Southern Comfort, drank it and passed out around 8:00. Sleep rules. Hangovers suck! Now I really feel like shit emotionally and physically.
I'm going to have to agree with UT, here, yesman. Just start treating her like crap, and you won't be able to run her off.
She isn't your direct subordinate at work, I hope?
No, I'm one of several sales Reps and she's the Administrative Assistant. She really does all the stuff that the bossman needs her to do. Not really parallel to me either though. I must say that if I gotta "treat someone like shit" to be with me then why would I want to be with a shitty person anyway? I just need her to realize this guy is a jerk and move on ---- hopefully with me.
When you see her just remember....you've had that. ;)
Be sure next time you bang, err make love with her, you swipe her t shirt. That way you can say to yourself:
"Been there, done that, have her t-shirt."
:rimshot:
"Treating her like shit" is a message that she can't take you for granted. That she doesn't have you on the trophy shelf. It's rejection, and people that play that game see it as a defeat.
Right now she's batting .500 which is big leagues. Reject her and she's back to .000, which won't even cut it in the sand-lots. In order to get back to .500 she has to make a choice or have more at-bats. Either way it'll be settled. :smack:
sometimes you can't choose whom u want to love...coz it's the heart that decides. although, i dont disregard that some poeple love someone because there's a WANT factor!
my grandma (stepgrandma actually) married my grandpa, who is 40 years her senior, because she wanted to have a good life...and i tell you, she really took good care of him til his last breath...and she never remarries again...
You know cinderella, that’s cool.
Whenever I hear of a situation like this, then the elder spouse dies and the children attack the surviving spouse, it burns my ass.
Grandpa was 40 years her senior, he knew she would probably survive him by a fair amount. So what? They obviously had a deal…it was between them….it was for their mutual benefit. Everyone else should butt the fuck out!
You seem to have the right attitude...good for you. :thumb:
I am currently seperated from my wife, we are talking about reconnecting but have not commitedto each other again. I have found myself getting involved with a girl 11 years my junior. She seems to be everything I want in a lover (but we have not had any sexual contact). I am at a crossroaads now, weather to try a new relationship with a girl who in the long run may not be able to communicate with me and have almost no common ground with, or my wife with whom I have allready tryied and failed once. The new girl is much more beautiful (not because of the age) and seems to be much more willing to try to make me happy. WHAT DO I DO :question: any advice is greatly appreciated
have you failed on both relationship levels, sexual and personal, with your wife? If so, I say try with the girl.
greatkaven, what have you got to lose? :)
What Bruce said. You have nothing to lose and probably a lot to gain.
Did I mention that my 'wife' is 7 years my junior and that we have a 1 year old son together and that she is currently preggers again. She left before we knew that she was pregnant again. DO you think this changes anything?
I think you owe it to your wife to let her know what the deal is. If you want to go on a few dates with this even younger woman, I would let your wife and mother of your 2 children know what is going on because your wife is going to be in your life now forever because of your kids - you have got to be honest with her. and then be honest with yourself.
Well I am honest with her, but she has a new boyfriend whom she says she is not in love with but when we found out that she was pregnant again she did confess that they had been sleeping together, up until that time she was telling me that they hadn't had any sexual contact and were just 'friends'./ But since we didn't know how far along she was she didn't know if it was mine or his. (talk about springer shit).
So whose is it? yours or his? If the baby belongs to him you have a long road ahead.... maybe you should give this younger girl a chance after all?
I say try and see what the new girl is all about. If your wife was cheating on you anyway then she failed in that relationship - not you. If she is hookin up with some other guy while pregnant, then there are all kinds of issues involved. That may want you to try again, but in the long run you've gotta follow your heart. If you aren't internally happy then nothing will work. Good luck
Yesman- your right. I was never really happy with the wife, now that I think about it I'm not that upset about gtting a divorce, I will give the younger girl a shot. What have I got to lose. Thank you everone
Just thought I'd post an update to my insanity for you all. Miss Undecided has now left her b/f for good, again, and I have been reduced to a "friend with benefits" which is just fine for me. How many 41 year olds can say they have a 23 yr old ex model callin them for a booty call?!?!? WEll I'm also dating another woman (40) who I used to know from 20 yrs ago. Life marches on whether we like it or not. Me? I'm just along for the ride and havin a good time while I'm still young enough to smile. My new lighter approach to life - thanks to many of you guys & gals - is keepin me busy and happy. Onward
I once dated a man who was a fair bit older than me. Actually, the father of my two kids is 13yrs older than me. He's the juvenile though...and that's all I'm saying about that. Back to the other bloke. He was 50 and I was about 28. We were never really serious although when we were dating neither of us was seeing anyone else. I never really wanted anything from him, and I don't think he ever expected anything much from me although I have a feeling that he was a bit more into the relationship than I was. We stayed friends after we stopped dating though but we don't see each other anymore. Sometimes I think the best thing about dating someone where the age difference is greater than usual is that you both 'expect' each other to behave a certain way, so that when it happens, it's not a surprise so things are easier.
It is only my opinion, but I have experienced more relationships defined by this subject than most men I know, and I have had many pleasant experiences. If people think in terms of life long relationships, lasting from say age 20 to into the late 80's, I would agree, one should find a woman maybe 5 years older than the man. This is not the case anymore, and I think we have all been conditioned to focus on only one small part of what would make a heterosexual relationship, a memorable one! Sex is great, and I won't debate that issue, but it's the shortest lasting part of what I consider a great relationship. If a relationship is based on sex alone, it is doomed moreso than if it is based on what I call love. My definition of love is the ability to put someone else, before yourself. To put their needs, their happiness before your own. In such a selfish, self centered society, as we have become, love is just a word, that rings hollow as we see a climbing divorce rate, because people have confused Lust for Love! When the thrill is gone, in the bedroom, they think love is DEAD. They never experienced love in the first place, or they wouldn't be so quick to exit the marriage!
My relationships with the "younger woman" has been most rewarding for not only myself, but for those I have come to know, deeply and with deep understanding that has touched the mind, body and soul. I have enjoyed opening the younger woman's mind, to what she should expect when love has touched her life. Love is a giving thing, not a taking one! I've told them that I don't wish to be selfish and keep them a prisoner to my wants and needs, but that I wish to raise their standards, as to what to look for in a man. If a man should love them, they will know, that his needs many times comes before hers. This is love, not a sex scene that will only be rembered, but never equally repeated. Sex is only one form of communication as one who mature knows there are many. I have never wanted to be selfish and been a woman's diary from 16 to her last writings as she's reached her 80's. I want to be but a chapter in her book, the one she often refers to, the one with the worn pages, that she returns to wishing to relive some of her happiest and most rewarding days of her memories. I would rather be only one chapter in a woman's life, but the best one, than the entire book, that would be boring reading after the Honeymoon is over!
Her youth inspires my actions, inspires my ability to touch places in her mind that have never been discovered. To truely make love to a woman, you must first make love to her mind, and then the physical love will be a culmination of all of her dreams and fantasies you have opened her mind to enjoy. The best things in life are not measured by quantity of time, but by quality of time, and they are not actions mimicked, but the adventure of discovery, each day, a new adventure. If those who would like to cast a verdict on age differences, with the haste of words only Dr. Laura can cast, they are just making wild generalizations. In the Orient, a woman is not taught to love by a teen age boy, but by one of the wiser older men, who is not there to do anything more than to give her the wisdom to indulge in love, the physical, the mental and all of the possiblilities her imagination can gift her with. The Giesha is not revered for her sexual ability alone, that is just a part of her great allure. She is the total woman, and only when a woman can gain wisdom, from a man who may have it, will her self esteem, self worth and total life's achievements have the opportunity to be realized!
I said this is my opinion, but the more I experience life, as I have.. the more I feel this to be true! True and mature love will last in her memories till the day she dies. This will not be from the first young boy that steals her virginity, and runs away... but from the man that shares, cares, and let's her heart fly like a Dove, always in search of what she knows, is true love....
I'm in the opposite situation of this thread's title. I am a younger man, as some of you may know, wanting to be with a woman who is 16 years my senior (she just turned 39 this past month, and I'll be 23 in a few months). She is mature, funny, self-reliant, and her opinions do not sway with the changing of the wind, all of which I love. She wants to be with me but thinks I can't handle the age difference.
Now, my parents have their age difference and it works. They've been married for 6 years now, I think - my mom and my stepdad are who I'm referring to. They are 11 years apart, she is the older one. He is 38 and she is 48.
Have any guys or gals here been it a situation similar to this? The opposite situation of tha parent poster, I mean - so you would have to be the older one if you were female, or the younger one if you were male.
Welcome to the Cellar, Outside The Box. :)
SNIP~~ My definition of love is the ability to put someone else, before yourself. To put their needs, their happiness before your own.
More women have managed to do this than men. The result is a bunch of bitter widows railing at there children when they don't call.
SNIP~
I've told them that I don't wish to be selfish and keep them a prisoner to my wants and needs, but that I wish to raise their standards, as to what to look for in a man. ~SNIP~ I have never wanted to be selfish and been a woman's diary from 16 to her last writings as she's reached her 80's. I want to be but a chapter in her book, the one she often refers to, the one with the worn pages, that she returns to wishing to relive some of her happiest and most rewarding days of her memories.
You sure have a flowery way of putting notches in your headboard.
Her youth inspires my actions, inspires my ability to touch places in her mind that have never been discovered. To truely make love to a woman, you must first make love to her mind, and then the physical love will be a culmination of all of her dreams and fantasies you have opened her mind to enjoy. The best things in life are not measured by quantity of time, but by quality of time, and they are not actions mimicked, but the adventure of discovery, each day, a new adventure. If those who would like to cast a verdict on age differences, with the haste of words only Dr. Laura can cast, they are just making wild generalizations. In the Orient, a woman is not taught to love by a teen age boy, but by one of the wiser older men, who is not there to do anything more than to give her the wisdom to indulge in love, the physical, the mental and all of the possiblilities her imagination can gift her with. The Giesha is not revered for her sexual ability alone, that is just a part of her great allure. She is the total woman, and only when a woman can gain wisdom, from a man who may have it, will her self esteem, self worth and total life's achievements have the opportunity to be realized!
I said this is my opinion, but the more I experience life, as I have.. the more I feel this to be true! True and mature love will last in her memories till the day she dies. This will not be from the first young boy that steals her virginity, and runs away... but from the man that shares, cares, and let's her heart fly like a Dove, always in search of what she knows, is true love....
You sound like my college roommate, you wouldn't be a deciple of Ayn Rand would you?
I thought he was just trying to score.
I have never wanted to be selfish and been a woman's diary from 16 to her last writings as she's reached her 80's. I want to be but a chapter in her book
Hang on, why would you go into a relationship with someone you didn't care enough about to stay with?
I want to be but a chapter in her book, the one she often refers to, the one with the worn pages, that she returns to wishing to relive some of her happiest and most rewarding days of her memories.
In my book that would be the chapter that ended, "and then he dumped me for a younger woman. Great - my most attractive, fertile and baggage-free years wasted on someone who saw me as a chapter!"
Lord knows I love Ayn Rand!~
I am currently in a relationship with a man 11 years my senior - He's mature, laid-back, completely at ease with himself, his kids are grown, his baggage is non-existant, he knows what he wants, when and with whom...
LIFE IS GOOD.
Now that we are together I have to admit that I wonder what I was doing ever dating men my own age.
Guys who think like you (Outside the Box) are the problem. I believe there are two ways to learn. 1) Teach the right way to do something and guide me through it. Or 2) show me the wrong way to act, behave or think and and what the consequences of these "incorrect" actions are. You fall into the latter and create distrust, skepticism and doubt for truly sincere individuals. ..... I haven't been posting here long, but I have read, shared and learned a great deal from many caring, wonderful people. Since that was your first post - do us all a favor and make it your last as well. Sorry if this is harsh, but not really. Just my 2 cents....and yes I want my change back!
lumberjim, your profile pic. is coooool...
yup,i agree with you,the probabilities to find your "own personal soulmate" are 0.000... , so if you find a person that feels good then go for it...nobody is perfect!But sometimes it is nice feeling to day-dream of a soulmate existance...it's romantic you know..
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I know I can say that everyday, but this day is different. Yesterday Nic and I ended our relationship for good after 2 1/2 years. I set free the love of my life.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. [SIZE="2"]Anonymous[/SIZE]
She is the most beautiful and precious woman I have ever met. She touched me in ways that I did not know possible. She gave back to me the ability to hope and to love. She deserves to reap all the beauty and wonder that this world has to offer. She treated me like a king and I treated her like my queen. She was. I will love her always.
Today I am struggling to breathe, to type, to get up and go forward. It has been said that "Time heals all wounds." Well yeah, except for the fatal ones. My heart currently feels as though this is one of them. I am shattered, broken, lost and alone. What I really need is my best friend to help me. Unfortunately, that is Nic also. She cannot come here because she is hurting too and needs to deal with this in her own way. Therefore I have to do this alone. I'll try, I will. Let the pain flow – let the pain go. This is much easier said than done. So far I am failing horribly – I am wallowing in my loss, in my grief, in my pain, in my sorrow and in my despair … in all the negativity there is associated with this. I have to let it go – I have to let her go. How do I do that emotionally?
I feel as though I somehow killed the most precious thing in the world to me. My soul is beaten. I can't stop feeling this guilt & loss. I want to call her and tell her so many things - to make her pain go away - to make it all better for her. I can't do that anymore - she doesn't want me anymore. I still worry about her, I still care, I still want to care for her. That will never stop.
I want to run to her and feel her warmth. Love and console her, feel her console me as only she can. Never again will that happen. Never again. That permanence is huge, so massive and so immense. I am overwhelmed. I feel so alone. She completed me - she gave me reason, she was an integral part of my very being. We fit so well together it scared me at times. A love that burned so brightly couldn't last... Why?
I need to find hope again. I need to focus on me again. I need something to believe in again. I need to start living for me again. I know all this, but I don't WANT it. I have to force it now. Put a fake smile on my face, lie to people when asked and say things are good. I have to breathe, just breathe.
Yesman, let me first say I know the pain you are going through. I have known it several times in my life. I also know to never say "never" coz,my friend, I've said that,too, and watched the love come back. Honest.
Let me also say that you are a highly desirable man from what I know---your personality, your compassion, your loyalty to duty...plus, those awesome pics I was lucky enough to see of you (well, your torso, anyway and may I take this opportunity to say, again, WOW!)
Things that do burn brightly DO seem to break the shade they are in--they tend to collapse from their own heat. Sometimes in life it is much better to just 'glow'.
I am with you in spirit, my friend. My heart knows what your heart is going thru and can only wish you find peace sooner rather than later.
Comfort.
Ah shit, another one bites the dust. I'm sorry to hear it, man.
There are many here, including myself, that know exactly how you feel... and what you will feel for some time.
I know it sounds like bullshit now, but you will feel better in time. No, you will never forget her and possibly always love her. But, you will find yourself thinking of things besides her, more and more often.
Peace brother, we're always here.
The only way I know to get through the pain you are in is to feel it, to acknowledge it and say "Yes, I am hurting now more than I ever have, more than I ever thought I could ... but I will get through this". You will, yesman. But for now you will feel that pain, you must, it is a measure of the joy you shared with Nic.
We're always here.
Good to see you yesman!!:)
Sorry about the the circumstances however. That sucks. I agree with all the above statements and have nothing to contribute outside of what's already been said.
Best of luck to you and hopefully you will be able to be comfortable soon, at least with yourself.
;)
Over Christmas her "other boyfriend" was a real asshole, got her no card, no gift - nothing. He was rude, disrespectful and mean to her. She was really hurt and upset. I thought that was a good thing for me, but I again was wrong. She and I had a long talk and I decided to step aside as she tries to work things out with him. If after all that hes done, she still wants to try with him than she must love him much more than she loves me or be really stupid - maybe both. Either way it doesn't matter. I feel better knowing that she didn't want me to end it, but I did anyway - it was the right thing to do. Maybe she'll realize what a jerk he is and give me a real chance at some point. Its kid of ironic that I love someone who isn't in-love with me and shes in-love someone who isn't in-love with her. Oh well, I'm trying to focus on the positives, whatever they are, and move on, but the emptiness and hollow feelings I have are overwhelming and unbearable at times. The worst part is, I honestly believe I left my heart and soul behind with her, and that sucks. Perhaps thats how everyone feels in this situation. I can only hope that she realizes what she lost before its too late. Onward.
Okay I just found this and I have some advice for you .
ARE YOU AN IDIOT? You are soooo being played here. This seems to be reminiscent of recent times . No?.
DO you think maybe her boyfriend didn't get her presents and is rude to her ....maybe because she's giving him the same bullshit story and he knows she's fucking someone else behind his back?
Fact is she's found someone else now and soon she'll be giving him the same bullshit story about how she's not sure and then she'll be back.
Oh I see this woman back in your life pretty darn soon if she hasn't burnt your dick and her bridges. I bet darn well she hasn't.
Seriously mate are you a sucker for punishment?
Prove me wrong ......I give it three months tops
Sorry if this post comes across harsh but sometimes men need a good kick up the arse!!!!
Sorry you're going through it yesman. But you will get through. Day at a time and it'll get easier. All my best to you.
X Dani
I am hurting now, more than tomorrow - less than yesterday...I will get through this. I know that - my point is that I really don't want to. I don't want to have to deal with all this pain & shit - I want to be happy, I want her to be happy, I wanted "us" to be happy together. I don't want to start all over - I will and I am, I have no choice.
Please do not regard that to devalue the relationship &/or my/our feelings in any way.
*note* That may have come across poorly in "text only."
She is a wonderful person who deserves all the best that life has to offer. I just thought I was a part of that. Realizing that I'm not stings a bit.
ARE YOU AN IDIOT? You are soooo being played here. This seems to be reminiscent of recent times . No?
Seriously mate are you a sucker for punishment?
Prove me wrong ......
Sorry if this post comes across harsh but sometimes men need a good kick up the arse!!!!
Uh lets see - No, No and Yes.
Wow, Thats a lot harsh and without going into too much detail - yes you are wrong. I could prove it a thousand times, but its not necessary. I know in my heart the truth and thats all that matters.
Grateful Dead
Touch of Gray
The shoe is on the hand it fits
There's really nothing much to it
Whistle through your teeth and spit, 'cause
It's all right
Oh well a touch of grey
Kinda suits you anyway,
That was all I had to say, and
It's all right
I will get by, I will get by, I
will get by, I will survive
Okay I just found this and I have some advice for you .
And here is some for you: read carefully before wading in. Read the whole story. The post you are writing about was written a few years back. The thread had been revived because the relationship just broke down (after 2.5 years, so you were wrong). The man is heartbroken and you're raking up posts he wrote before the relationship got serious and calling him an idiot.
Dave, I'm sorry. I know how nuts you were about her from comments you made in other threads. Do you still work in the same place?
And here is some for you: read carefully before wading in. Read the whole story. The post you are writing about was written a few years back. The thread had been revived because the relationship just broke down (after 2.5 years, so you were wrong). The man is heartbroken and you're raking up posts he wrote before the relationship got serious and calling him an idiot.
Dave, I'm sorry. I know how nuts you were about her from comments you made in other threads. Do you still work in the same place?
Well ............Okay I've been told . But it's not the information I got from talking to him and chatting privately.
I shall refrain in future when someone wants to talk about thier woes.
thankyou monster I have surely learnt my lesson here. I thank you. Sorry that i saw a pattern here .
And you were probably quite correct about the pattern. But if you'd read the recent posts and noticed the dates you could have maybe avoided rubbing salt in the wound. fortunately, he's a decent guy. But there's no need to be snippy -this is teh internets and you can be as harsh as you want and you won't have to see the tears, so don't stop on my account. You can even join the monster-haters club if you like. I've heard there's a line these days. :p
Lush, I also have some advice......
Monster has stopped me from acting like a complete buffoon on several occasions, and has put a halt to me shoving my foot right in my mouth. Looks like she's doing you a favor at this point.
Don't take offense to it......;)
Hmmmmm well I don't hold grudges or anything like that ............but would you two like to be privy to my conversations with him in future would you like copys of pm's or chat room conversations?? It should save your fingers when it comes to posting about my posts.:D
I can garrentee there were no tears due to what I posted.
snip--
but would you two like to be privy to my conversations with him in future would you like copys of pm's or chat room conversations?? It should save your fingers when it comes to posting about my posts.:D
--snip
Unlikely.
I've never understood the attraction of old guy/young broad. I mean, I totally think that 18 and 19-year-olds are fine as hell. But at 32, there is no fucking way on earth that I'd date one. Hell, I don't think I'd date anyone under 30 at this point.
Not that there's anything wrong with it...hell, I dated a 30-year-old when I was 21. In the end though, neither of us had any business doing that.
Lush: No, I was posting about her post to your post about his post.
Completely different. Do you have a different body part to save for that?
;)
Lush: No, I was posting about her post to your post about his post.
Completely different. Do you have a different body part to save for that?
;)
Awwwwwhhhhh now my head hurts:D
See? That's what you get for making my head hurt, and then trying to save my hands.
:)
You too, huh?
Ted Bundy much? :lol:
Its more about attitude for me I think.
I would date a guy 7 years younger (and have), but I act like a dork for my age.
I would date a guy 10 years my senior, if he was young at heart :)
I've also found that guys in their late 30's to early 40's are awesome in bed.