Funny/Embarrassing things they say
My four year old cousin came to my grandads funeral recently. We'd just finished singing a hymn and in the quiet pause he shouts out 'Mummy I dont like that one can we sing twinkle twinkle'
She was so embarressed but it was really nice because on a day which was sad his little comment made us all smile!
We went to a concert a couple weeks back. A friend of the family was playing. After we were home my 6yo son told me that this friend, who had a baby about 6 months back, looked different from the last time he saw her. Feeling somewhat nervous about where this was going, I calmly asked, "Oh yeah? Why do you say that?"
"Well her hair looks different, like she got it cut or something."
"Oh, well, people change their hairstyles sometimes. Especially women. It's no big deal."
"And besides that her boobies look a lot fatter."
You're raising your boy well.
Haha.. great pic Steve! :)
My recently turned five-year old and I were walking into a store. Just outside the door was an employee who was enjoying a smoke on his break.
As a side note, my son asks questions by placing a question mark at the end of a statement.
So, just about the time we passed by the man, my son loudly asks:
"Daddy, people who smoke are stupid?"
Good thing I didn't take him to a biker bar at three am. :)
My 6-year-old stepdaughter has gotten into Pokemon quite a bit, and takes every opportunity to share all her knowledge with anyone who will listen. She was detailing the battle system to her great aunt at a family gathering...
"See, here's an attack called a headbutt. That's where you smash poop in their face."
The hubby took the boy-child to the supermarket one day when the boyee was about four years old. . . he was in a shooting phase, he would run around with his fingers loaded and cocked, ready for any likely target. So, on the way to the store there's a constant stream of gunfire going on from the back seat, to which the hubby asks, "What are you shooting at?" and the boy announces, "The red cars, I'm gonna get all the red ones!" So after another few minutes, it starts wearing thin on the hubby's nerves, "Why don't you pick another kind of target?"
Ahh, peace at last!
Just a couple more shots fired, and they're at the supermarket. Once they get out of the car, the boy's off again: "bangbangbang!", just as a dark-skinned guy walks out from between two black cars, "I'm shooting the BLACK ones now, Dad!"
:sweat:
The hubby took the boy-child to the supermarket one day--snip--"I'm shooting the BLACK ones now, Dad!"
:sweat:
It's soooo easy to underestimate their creative ability to take your perfectly good parenteing plan and mess. it. up. :smack:
funny tho...
I got two-
1)- kinda funny & embarrassing-->My wife has a friend who's husband absolutely can't stop uttering "Fuckin damn" when he gets really riled up. The two kids seemed to let it go right over their heads (3-1/2 and 5 yrs old) until one day last summer she had them at the park, with them surrounded by other kids and her surrounded by mothers, the youngest falls or something and right in front of everyone he goes "FUCKin Damn". She was so humiliated she left. I guess the looks she got from the other mothers were pretty heinous.
2--> Definitely embarrassing--> About 25 years ago, when my buddy and I were about 10, his cousin comes to visit him in Halifax from a very small town in a neighbouring province, where there just didn't happen to be ANYBODY with any color skin except white. They are walking down a very busy street in Halifax, and a black guy is strolling down the other side of the street (only 2 lanes, so maybe 25 feet away). The little cousin was only 8 and didn't realize how evil this next sentence was, so in complete innocence, in front of everyone, he turns to my buddy and says "look, Ted, there goes a Ni**er!" I guess the black guy was literally speechless, and lucky for my friend, he was able to hustle his little cousin away before things got really ugly. Needless to say he wasn't too happy with his uncle and aunt...
On a lighter note- when my daughter was about 1-1/2, we were walking through the local Sears. I am carrying her because we are both looking for Mommy over the tops of the clothing racks, and just as this (gorgeous, BTW) 45-year-old woman walks by, my daughter rips one. And a LOUD one. So guess who looked like the 33-year-old pig standing there farting in Sears? Yah, ME.
This morning my 2 yr old daughter was intently watching my husband shave using white shaving cream. She said he was shaving the snow off of his face. I said in my best mommy tone, "yes, it looks like snow, but he's actually using --sha-ving--cream-- "(emphasizing the new vocabulary words like all the books say...) She looked me straight in the eye and said in her best matter of fact, you don't know WHAT your talking about mom voice, head cocked and bobbing, "No, he's shaving SNOW off". You had to hear it to appreciate it, but what really made me laugh, inside anyway, was how soon I am going to be getting the 'you don't know what you're talking about' tone from her on a regular basis. *sigh*.
I have a 3 year old son, a 3 year old step-son and a 6 year old step-daughter. Both of the boys have been going through the talk-about-pee-and-poop-nonstop phase and they are both fascinated with their own winkies.
We went on a road trip recently where we made several potty stops at small town gas stations. One of such stops was particularly funny: We all go into the gas station and my bf takes the boys to the potty, while my step-daughter goes to the girls' room. my step son and son are the first ones out and they have to go *everywhere* together when they are around each other. They are walking around the store chanting about how they went poop and pee and my step son suddenly chants "I eat weenie!" (I think this happened because they heard the oscar mayer weiner song somewhere along the way.) Then my bf is paying for gas and various child pacifying candies and my step-son suddenly decides to whip his winkie right out of his pants in front of everyone in the store. The only thing I could think to say was "Put that back!"
On the way back home yesterday, out in the middle of nowhere, suddenly my son had to go potty. And when he finally tells me he has to go, it's the last minute. There wasn't anyway he was going to hold it till the next town. So, he had to water the ditch. He hadn't done this before. He asked my bf if he could show me how to do it, so I could help him with it. I told him, "sweety, I don't have a winkie." He said "Yes you do, Mom. You have a winkie, too." I kept trying to explain how boys have winkies and girls don't, but he was insistent that girls have winkies too. It just struck me as funny.
My son is really into astronomy right now...he loves going out and looking at the stars and looking at pictures of planets in books. He told me he wanted to go to Saturn (pronounced Sa-tur-in in his words.) I told him he could do that someday, that he could be an astronaught. He asked me when and I said when you become an adult and get big like your daddy. I also mentioned how he might someday get married and have kids, too, if he wants to. He asked me "Can I marry my girlfriend?" I told him "yes, someday you might marry your girlfriend." I remembered his dad had told me that he had told him that someone from teen-titans was his girlfriend, so I asked him "Isn't Starscream your girlfriend?" Then he said in an annoyed tone "Mom! Starscream is a *transformer*! He's not a marrier."
Apparently I got the name wrong.
We had a few of those transformers here too... none of them was a marrier either
A little older, a little more confused
Is this a telling tale on you ?????
... the boys have been going through the talk-about-pee-and-poop-nonstop phase and they are both fascinated with their own winkies.
My daughter likes to 'help' me get dressed in the morning, and is especially facinated with my bra. She knows that 'bests' go in there, and that she has NIP-ples, but not 'bests' yet. I told her when she was older, she will have breasts and get to wear a bra. Every once in awhile, if I am wearing a V-neck shirt, she'll whip it open and check to make sure everybody is where they belong :D She then will tell me she'll get to wear a bra later, when she's bigger. So far this hasn't happened in public, but I know I am asking for a major embarassment. Or, worse, a choice comment about a woman with very large breasts in a too small shirt sometime when were out and about (mine are little guys).
My neice is a little mimic- you can't say anything without it coming back to haunt you later- but sometimes she gets the words a little mixed up...
Ok, so when we want to shut her up (she's a drama queen and will go on and on if you let her) we say "Rachel, you're so rediculous." She seems to find this amusing, and it usually works. We were all at my brother-in-law's birthday party a couple weeks ago, and he's teasing her to no end, and she's giggling away, when she says as loud as she can "Daddy, you're so dickless!!!!"
When I was a small child (probably around age 5) I used to grab candy off the shelves at the store and my mom would say "put it back or I'll beat you..." (She never beat me, btw) Once we ran into a friend of hers and while they were talking I got really bored and restless, and started being obnoxious. I picked up some cans off the shelf and dropped them on the floor. My mom picked them up, swatted me on the behind, and continued talking to her friend. When I picked it up again, she gave me the look that said I was supposed to put it down OR ELSE. I screamed "Mommy don't beat me!!!! I'll put it back!!" What an evil child I was....she must have been so embarrased.
A 10-year-old art critic disposes of the
Brandywine River Museum:
"It had a lousy gift shop. There was nothing but books and postcards."
That's my daughter . . . . .
2 year old Inch3 has been chasing the cats, Ernie and Loretta around.
"Ernie, where going? Where going, Ernie?"
"Loretta, wanna read a story?" Waving green eggs and ham wildly at her.
In his sleep a few weeks ago he said:
"BIG HUGE DOWAS" (Boobs)
He is on a weaning program which invloves deflecting his nursing entreaties with:
"The Dowas are resting now, you can nurse at such and such a time."
The other day he walks up to our friend who dropped by for coffee and said somewhat seriously: "The dowas are resting" He thought Inch said "the pajamas are resting"
I was one time babysitting my little cousin for my Aunt, and I had to take her to Sunday School. When I went to pick her up, My grandmother interduced me to this new family who had just started going to the church. My little cousin hasn't had much interaction with any colored people, other then white. So she goes up to the little girl, licks her finger and goes to rub her face. Kind of like a mother does to a child when they have food or dirt around there mouth. And turns around to me and say's 'wow Ashley, She's really dirty' I was so embaressed. I was almost in tears I felt so bad.
My first husband and I split up when I was pregnant with my second child. She never knew her dad at all because we ended up living thousands of miles apart after she was born. She used to ask *any* man that I had a conversation with "are you my dad?"
Once in the grocery store there was an elderly gentleman in line in front of me, and since he only had a few items he let me go ahead of him. My daughter asked him if he was her dad, and he said "no honey, but I sure wish I was."
I could have just died.
Today:
"Did you hear me fart? It was a happy fart."
I think he is too young to know about unhappy farts.
When the incher falls and whacks himself, my wife is prompting him to rub the afflicted area and say really loudly: OOGA BOOGA. I think this is a little lame. As a lapsed Catholic, I have been coaching him to say: Holy mother of god.
Is this wrong? (Apart from the obvious; mom and dad are not on the same page)
OMG, that made me laugh out loud F3!!
A few days ago I stopped to pick up a gift after work, with Rugrat in tow. Leaving the parking lot, there was a stop sign, but no cars around so I just ignored it and turned the corner... Out of the backseat I hear "Hey! You didn't stop the car at that red sign back there!!" She totally caught me off guard and I burst out laughing. Hard to explain to a 3 year old that yes, it was naughty I didn't stop etc.
I thought after telling the story to a few friends and family members that that would be the end if it, but oh no. This morning I was in line with Rugrat at Panera Bread getting goodies to bring to work. The line was long, and we ended up chatting with the lady in front of us. During a lull in the conversation, Rugrat said to her, "Momma didn't stop at the stop sign, but it was a 'steak. It's OK to make 'steaks sometimes" Even the couple behind us got a giggle out of that.
I could have died.
It is always ok to make steaks.
OK complicated and poorly articulated tale. I was making a strange stream of consciousness point about gay marriage (gumint recognition there of) I was trying to say that the state needs to treat everyone the same. This was referenced by Santorums nonsense about marrying critters. Anyway the discussion slid into education and drifted into educating animals. To which little Griff says, "If we start teaching monkeys, they'll rob banks." :lol:
From my son (6).
"Umm... Dad, can you come here? There's something wack on the computer."
It is always ok to make steaks.
snip To which little Griff says, "If we start teaching monkeys, they'll rob banks." :lol:
It makes sense in a zen sort of way. Kids are able to make these vast leaps of logic which are not bound by the constraints of duality that language imposes.
The rest of us have to smoke dope.
Ditto on the steaks.
Another one from the inch3:
HE was driving with SWMBO and someone cut her off, she tromped on the brakes and shouted "Jesus!" Silence in the back seat.
Two weeks later, I am driving while inch3 is nodding in and out of sleep in back. Someone cuts me off and I tromp on the brakes, behind me I hear the inch3 stir from sleep and slur "Jesus!"
(note: we often drive in westchester, ny. land of asshole me first drivers)
I should have spelled it 'stakes, she meant mis-stakes
I should have spelled it 'stakes, she meant mis-stakes
Well, when it comes to camping with vampires, stakes get my vote every time.
Oh were to start
My daughter told a random woman at the laundromat
that she saw my wife and I having "Relations"
See my daughter is not in anyway shy she will talk to any one
I often let her until the person seems annoyed
so she walks up to this lady and they start talking
then out of nowhere I hear her say
"I saw mom and dad naked"
"Oh yeah " responds the smirking woman
"Yeah" says my daughter "They were hugging and kissing it was nice"
Ok so at this point I'm thinking yeah it was nice
the other side of my brain (That being the part not located in my penis)
says how am i going to diffuse this
so I rush over trying to say "would you like to fold some laundry honey"
anything to get her away from this lady as by now I'm very embaressed
much to my dismay she says "I like to kiss naked it makes me happy"
great so now i look like a pedophile
I try a "Hey your DORA underware need to be put in the basket "
ofcourse "I don't want underwear dad SHE" pointing at this poor poor woman
"doesn't wear underwear dad"
it was all i could do to not laugh my ass off
then as if she knew when to save dad and baby (which is usally how it works with moms) mom walks in to pick us and the laundry
young one runs to see mommy
dad gives embarassed smile to the very kind lady
and walks away back to his folding of the laundry
and wondering if there is a better way to get the skid marks out of his shorts
Almost busted tonight.
A few weeks ago I was mentioning to my neighbor that SWMBO and I have a difference of opinion about the privet hedge that I planted unwittingly a couple of years ago. I had ordered something else and got these which were mislabelled.
I hate this hedge and intend to plant bush cherries there next spring.
SWMBO is not down with any part of this plan. In front of the inchling I told my friend that I would just swap the bush cherries for the privets when SWMBO was away for the weekend or something. If she noticed, I'd just tell her that I had pruned the privets and that's why they looked like two year whips.
Tonight at dinner inch3 says:
"We should dig the pribbits. In the springtime."
Blank look from me.
Mom: "Yeah, and maybe we can go in a boat in the springtime."
I know eventually she'll come around to the bush cherries, I just don't want to wait until that happens to plant them, they take a few years to bear.
this topic is great....laughed and imagined those things happening in a coupple years... :p
Inexplicably, and apropos of nothing I could perceive,
Inch3: "I don't need a bandaid, I'm going on a picnic"
daddy went for a root canal -I told princess of the ryche that daddy's tooth had an owie - of course the response was "daddy's tooth needs a band aid"
princess has had a hard time getting up in the a.m. lately - crying - this morning - "momma - I don't want to cry anymore."
she also asks for Oingo Boingo, Chili Peppers, Green Day, and My-sturbed (Disturbed) in the truck on the way to day care in the mornings. (She's two.)
Oingo Boingo?? I thought I was the only one out there that still loves Oingo Boingo!! Danny Elfman is awesome!
I think that's one of the many reasons I love The Nightmare Before Christmas. Whenever Jack is singing, it's actually Danny.
Any Tim Burton movie graces us with the musical gifts of Danny Elfman. Genius.
My b/f has only had a licence to drive for a couple of years, and he and I met and started dating quite soon after he got a car. He doesn't particularly like driving, so I do most of it because I do enjoy driving. Because of b/f's inexperience, there were a couple of times when things happened and the kids would notice, and ask me questions later. In my mind I had just said something like, D hasn't had his licence for long so he's not as good at driving as I am.
Unfortunately it must have sounded otherwise to the kids because as we were pulling out of the driveway one day, b/f stalled the car. My oldest child piped up from the back seat, "It's ok D, we know you're not a good driver, but you'll get better".
In our particular school district, the elementary schools go up to 5th grade. At our school a group of the parents put together a yearbook for the exiting 5th graders. There are several sections where they asked all the kids to list their favorite memories of school, etc. Under their "main" picture in their homeroom, they were asked to complete "In 20 years I will be . . . "
Some sample responses:
"I think, I will be a pro hockey player."
"a musician living in Philadelphia."
"a cancer doctor."
"a flight attendant."
"a teacher."
"living in a mansion in California and playing field hockey."
My daughter's answer?
"30 years old."
Boy, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? (She claims she didn't understand what they were doing & thought it was a math question or something, but I still think it's a great answer.)
She's probably the only one who is right!
Strange things happen ... I did my 9th grade career report on being a Psychiatrist. I went on to college, ended up with a BA degree in Geography and Planning, and worked for 10 years as a computer jockey.
Today, I am probably the one who hit closest to the mark.
:redface: I know I have dozens... I think I've blocked them out.
The inchling an I were watching video clips of surfers and jugglers the other day. He is in potty training mode and is pretty much diaper free except at night. During the day, he often runs around freestyle or commando to buy him those extra few seconds to get to the potty. (It's all about him succededing say the experts) .
Anyway, he's lounging around freestyle this day and I glance over at him to see if he's duly impressed with the video and I notice he's got his 'special purpose' in hand and he's wrestling with it. I usually ignore this if it isn't happening in the middle of a public place, so I turn back to the video. A
moment later he looks over at me and says: "Jenny (his babysitter) is my friend."
"Uh huh." I say and go back to the video.
He's completely disingenuous.
"But I don't know where the hospital is." says SonofV.
Perplexed at the connection between this statement and the previous thread of the conversation about french fries (should we order some more), I barely managed a "Why do you need a hospital?"
"Because that's where the baby will be born."
Ding!
The earlier conversation had resumed. An hour earlier, he started with "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a hippie."
"Oh, really? Why?"
"Because they're nice people, they don't smoke, and I'm going to marry a girl with long hair."
"Do you know any hippies? What makes you think they're nice people?"
"Well, I saw some on tv."
"Ahh. Well, they are nice people, but some of them do smoke." I went off on a little tangent about smoking marajuana, which was news to him. I had my teachable moment, I planted a seed and I didn't pound it into the ground. An hour later at the restaurant, he worries out loud about the hospital. I told him if he can handle growing up, becoming a hippie and getting married to a girl with long hair, he won't have any trouble finding the hospital.
Driving from Ohio to Maine, round about NYC. My then 6 year-old son, riding in the backseat, looks around, apropos of nothing, and states the following: "I'm going to be sarcastic now." and then was dead silent for the next forty miles.
My son met a pregnant woman for the first time and she let him see her tummy "with the baby inside" now he goes to everyone he meets and yanks their shirt up and "checks them for a baby". It is hard to head him off in time... You learn a lot about people's personalities in how they react to this.
We're bringing lil Griff home from the hospital and can see lil Pete has a problem, arms folded across the chest lower lip hanging, eyes welling up. In her 2 years and 11 days we never got a cross word but now its "MY DON"T WANT NO STINKIN' BABY!" She got it out then and there with no trouble since. Where the heck did she pick up stinkin'?
You should never have let her watch American Movie Classics.
Yeah, you've got a Bogie fan on your hands. Watch out when she wants to do a remake of the African Queen.
Yeah, you've got a Bogie fan on your hands. Watch out when she wants to do a remake of the African Queen.
Are you thinking of
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre - "We don't need no stinkin' badges"? Or have I forgotten some AQ lore?
I think I'm thinking of The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but then I'm not sure what AQ lore is.
AQ Lore
Looks pretty much okay, just so long as the kid doesn't reinact the scene with the leeches. I saw that as an impressionable young child. Weirds me out to this day.
My two year old can skateboard now! I'm very proud.
AQ Lore
Looks pretty much okay, just so long as the kid doesn't reinact the scene with the leeches. I saw that as an impressionable young child. Weirds me out to this day.
I think the whiskey drinking maybe should wait until high school at least. Or perhaps as a prelude to the first tattoo...
The other night we were sitting around the dinner table and my 10yr old daughter was trying to determine how old I am. My mate and my 18yr old son (who know) were not helping matters much. The most information I would give her was, "old...very, very old".
So my mate starts asking questions to help her narrow it down.
He asks her, "When mom was little, were there cars or horse and buggies?"
She replies without hesitation, "Horse and buggies!".
"Did they have toilet paper back then?", he asks.
"Nope." She responds.
"How about toilets?", he inquires.
She answers, "Yup, they had toilets".
He looks at me and straight faced, mumbles, "They had the technology to create toilets, but not toilet paper..hmmm".
I ask what people used to wipe with if there was no toilet paper. She quickly tells me, "Leaves!".
*Cough* :3_eyes:
My 18yr old opines that they must have had baskets with leaves in them in the bathroom to wipe with.
My 10yr old agrees enthusiastically.
I suggested that possibly one could have grown a tree right outside the bathroom window for a ready made source of 'wiping material'.
Then I realized this would probably create huge problems with MY kids..so I mimic'd what I forsaw happening in such a situation.
"MOOOOooooooOOOOM!!! Shane used ALL the leaves right by the window!! And now I can't reach any!!! It's NOT FAIR!!!!!!"
We all collapsed into uncontrollable laughter.
Speaking of poop,
When I came in for lunch today inch3 said:
"Daddy, will you talk to me?" (first time he's ever asked that, usually he does most of the talking)
"Sure, but I have to go to the potty first. You can follow me and I'll talk to you when I'm done."
(follows me, opens the door and stands there in the doorway)
inch3: "You need to have a tape measure when you poop."
foot3: "Oh yeah? Why's that?" (WTF and where is this going?)
inch3: "Because you need to cut wood."
foot3: "Really? I didn't know that."
So there you have it. Are we aptly named or what?
The other day while it was raining, I was washing out a garbage barrel. Inch3 is watching from the porch and says: "Why don't you leave it in the rain and it will fill up with water?"
It's scary.
from the mouths of babes !!!!
SonofV handed me a little plastic "jewel",
a faceted red heart, and said, "Because you don't get enough love."
My daughter had broken out on her nose from the sunscreen I had been using on her. I wanted to put a little 'zit creme' on it before she went to bed. She said she didn't want any. Why? "Because I want to look like you mama!"
Ouch.
SonofV handed me a little plastic "jewel",
a faceted red heart, and said, "Because you don't get enough love."
ouch. Just wait till he's old enough to do "the tiny violin"
My three-year-old said "oh, snap" tonight.
I about busted a gut.
The other day my daughter said "Oh, cricket". Dunno where it came from, but we immediately adapted it and it became the phrase of choice for our houshold immediately.
Being the Beastie Boys fans that we are, we taught Inchling to refer to cold weather as "chilly most."
Tonight we are having our usual friday bachelor pizza fest with much frivolity, juice, wine, and Thomas the tank engine.
Also we get to do "guy things" like the perennial favorite "pull my finger"
I offer my finger and invite the inch to pull it. After the report, which was hilarious- trust me, inchling looks up at me and says
"That was funny most"
What can I expect the future to bring?
Tonight we are having our usual friday bachelor pizza fest with much frivolity, juice, wine, and Thomas the tank engine.
That sounds like Fridays at my house too :D
This morning I was in line with Rugrat at Panera Bread getting goodies to bring to work.
Yea! I work at Panera Bread!
When I was in first grade we were playing a rhyming game...we were using words ending in -uck
and yes when it came my turn I use f-uck...all the kids laughed but I didn't know it was a bad word...I might not have even heard it before. My mom laughed when I told her later that day.
My mom had my hair cut super short once, like a boy's, and when my sibs got home one of them (cant remember which) asked who the boy was.
Ohhh man, Pantera pwnz.
...
Oh wait, you said Panera.
Ohhh man, Pantera pwnz.
...
Oh wait, you said Panera.
Panera pwnz too! [size=1]atleast my store does[/size]
My second cousin (5), Moose, told me that he was gonna marry his mother's sister. It took me ten minutes to explain to him that his mother's sister was aunt K or aunt V. After he understood, he said he wanted to marry someone like his mother then. I didn't know how to respond, his mother married an abusive man, neglected Moose and his sibs, did/does drugs, almost gave them up for adoption, it took her 3 kids to figure out birth control, dropped outta HS...the list goes on. One day he'll understand, or maybe she'll clean up her act by then, in the mean time his Nanny (my Aunt) and his Aunt K are practically raising them. I love Moose and his sibs. His bro, Bay, will sit in your lap for hours if you let him, and his sis Al told me my name was Melissa...so true. Also Moose has developed a new habit of whispering to you. At his birthday party he ran around the room and whispered in everyone's ear "Thank you for the present"
Inch and SWMBO were at the grocery store today and he stared at the chicken going around the rotissery for a while then pointed at them and shouted at the top of his lungs:
"MOM! THAT CHICKEN HAS A PENIS."
"umm, that's actually its tail."
"AND IT HAS A MOUTH TOO."
"A mouse is a kind of tiny, itsy-bitsy, creature that you give cheese to it."
FYI
Lil' Pete farted. Pete says, "That was musical." Lil' Griff replies, "Lets play musical chairs!"
Pete says, "I'm feeling flakey today." Lil' Pete says, "Yeah me too." Lil Griff says, "My scalp is flakey."
haha. how old is lil Griff?
My three-year-old says, as he is closing the door to our van, after trying to lock down my wheel-chair by himself; my wife trying to keep him from breaking all of his fingers...
"I can do things all by myself in this big crazy-crazy world MOM!".
*Very exasperated sigh & rolling of the eyes*
My wife messed-up and cursed with "oh, Hell" where he could hear recently... he misheard her and now his favorite exclamation is "oh, hound!"
Last weekend my daughter (almost 4) went to a freinds birthday party. Unfortunately it was from 1-3, prime nap time. She obviously needed one when I picked her up. She fell asleep in the car on the way home, and unfortunately woke up in a very foul mood when I tried to carry her to her bed. I put her in bed and told her she needed to take a nap, wherupon she threw a fit. I closed the door and left to get her stuff out of the car.
When I come back in the house my husband informs me I was told to "get my ass back in her room and get her some food!"
Good thing I didn't hear her or she still wouldn't be sitting down.
that's why we use "hinder" around here.
;)
haha. how old is lil Griff?
10
Several years back I attended a Boy Scout campout with my son's troop. My younger son was about 12 and I guess I never realized how well we had kept the illusion of Santa Claus delivering presents alive for him. He and another kid were bunking in the tent next to mine, and I overheard them talking after "lights out" was called. They were talking about people they thought were important or heros. The other boy who was black, said his hero was President Kennedy. My son said his hero was Santa Claus because he gave away so many presents.
The other kid said, "I don't believe in Santa anymore."
My son replied, " I know there has to be a Santa because my parents are too cheap to give us the kind of gifts we get at Christmas!"
I almost died laughing to myself.
While we were praying during thanksgiving, my stupid baby cousin kept on saying "cheese!". :neutral:
Rest assured, Jesus will punish him for it.
Rest assured, Jesus will punish him for it.
?
for saying *cheese* during the prayers...c'mon footiefoot keep up!!
?
Just harassing Gamegirl about her complaining, that's all. :)
I forgot about this one, from April or so. My memory was jogged by another conversation.
The Scene: the emergency room waiting area at a local hospital. During little league play, my son, 7, decided he needed to ask the coach something so he got up to go ask. He passed by the on-deck circle at just the wrong time and got clocked beside his right eye with a bat. It was immediately apparent that he would need stitches, so we got a bandage on him from the first aid kit and I drove him over to the hospital.
By this time he had calmed down and I was doing my best to keep him from freaking out at the thought of stitches ("They're gonna sew my skin?????")
"Dad, did you ever get hit with a baseball bat?"
"No, never did."
"Get hit with a ball?"
"No, I didn't, I didn't play baseball."
"Oh. <pause> Had they not invented baseball when you were a boy?"
At this point all the other folks in the waiting room were enjoying this quite a bit as I provided the boy with some much-needed historical context.
reminds me of my favorite Calvin:
Calvin: "Dad, why are old photographs black and white? Didn't they have color film back then?"
Dad: "Of course they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just that the WORLD was black and white then.
Calvin:"Really?"
Dad: "Yeah, the world didn't turn color until sometime in the '30s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.
Calvin:"Oh."
Dad: "Well, truth is stranger than fiction."
Calvin: "THEN WHY ARE OLD PAINTINGS in color? If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted that way?"
Dad: "Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane."
Calvin: "BUT... but how could they possibly have painted in color? Wouldn't their paints have been in shades of gray back then?"
Dad: "Of course, but they changed color like everything else in the '30s.
Calvin: "So why didn't black and white photos turn color too?"
Dad: "Because they were color photographs of black and white, remember?"
my son, at the age of 7 : dad, whats the difference between a catholic and a prostitute?
me : not a lot, son.
You should have shown him "Every Sperm is Sacred."
You should have shown him "Every Sperm is Sacred."
LOL ! he's now 21 and a huge fan of Monty Python. Maybe I'm not such a crap parent after all. :cool:
You should have shown him "Every Sperm is Sacred."
The
Meaning of Life is already under the tree for SonofV. It's gonna be good.
Shopping with my Dad at the weekend at a second hand video/ DVD stall.
Dad - I want to see if they have Life of Brian
Me - Well they have Monty Python and the Holy Grail...
Dad - That's not Life of Brian
Me - No, it's the Holy Grail
We both looked at eachother blankly.
I meant if they had one they might have the other - and I wondered if he'd misheard me. My Dad probably just thought he was having a "Funny/ Embarrassing Things They Say" moment.
The Meaning of Life is already under the tree for SonofV. It's gonna be good.
Speaking as a protestant, I highly recommend the exposition on protestant sexual practices. It's often lost in the shuffle after the showstopping "Every Sperm."
Several times while watching Thomas the Tank engine, inch has ordered me out of the room while a particular episode is playing. He gets very agitated and is emphatic about me going away. It is the episode with a big elephant being carted around. I am going to watch it later and see what it's about.
Very odd. All the others he doesn't mind me being around, and the one where Fergus has to go to the smelter, gets him scared and he insists that I stand by.
It's my own personal WTF?
we went to the mountains this weekend. we had the radio on with some old-fashioned country christmas music on, and while driving up the fog-covered mountainside, we could see only fog and a smidgen of road. after a few miles, my 6 yr old asked 'mom, are we in heaven?'
MiniQ also called my cell phone today and left this message:
"Mom, brother went somewhere 'ribout' (that's how he says 'without') asking.
OK.
Bye."
My daughter has taught him well.
If you were in the Great Smoky Mountains of North Carolina, I can understand how the kid could get confused that way.
we were, it was cute tho.
My son found a piece of paper on top of a pile of stuff. It was obviously an important financial document. It had his name on it. And it had an amonut of money in excess of $500. He came to the conclusion that it was a check for him and came tearing upstairs to show it to Mrs. Dallas.
I can only imagine how crestfallen he was when she explained to him that it was not a check, but a receipt for his daycare expenses.
(We're de-cluttering the house, and all kinds of old records are surfacing. "Do we need to keep the tax return from 1993?")
Several times while watching Thomas the Tank engine, inch has ordered me out of the room while a particular episode is playing. He gets very agitated and is emphatic about me going away. It is the episode with a big elephant being carted around. I am going to watch it later and see what it's about.
Very odd. All the others he doesn't mind me being around, and the one where Fergus has to go to the smelter, gets him scared and he insists that I stand by.
It's my own personal WTF?
Did you ever find out?
The other day, My 6yo daughter told me that she was crazy on the inside, but cute on the outside.
Like father, like daughter.
My daughter (2) has a very unhelpful set of responses when she hurts her self and we ask her where she hurts:
Over there ---> *points to floor*
or
In the kitchen.
or
At the door.
Sometimes she's stopped crying before we figure out what the problem is.
My daughter (2) has a very unhelpful set of responses when she hurts her self and we ask her where she hurts:
Over there ---> *points to floor*
or
In the kitchen.
or
At the door.
Maybe it's your decor?
:eek2:
Did you ever find out?
I've watched it and have no clue. Who knows what is going on in his head?
Like father, like daughter.
but she burps like her mother!
I've watched it and have no clue. Who knows what is going on in his head?
Have you
asked him? Maybe when he's not watching it, bring it up. Now
I've got to know...
My daughter (2) has a very unhelpful set of responses when she hurts her self and we ask her where she hurts:
Over there ---> *points to floor*
Fell down "over there"
In the kitchen.
Bonked her head on the counter "in the kitchen"
At the door.
Pinched her finger "At the door."
Sometimes she's stopped crying before we figure out what the problem is.
Two year olds move fast, you've got to move faster. :)
oh mum! you look as camp as a butcher's dog!
I've watched it and have no clue. Who knows what is going on in his head?
Yeah, we have them all and I watched it... I could not get a clue at
all. I have a three year old also, so I thought I may gain some insight because I spend some time interpreting... but, alas, no.
Perhaps it's
code for something.
A kid in my kindergarten class today was trying to draw a lady stick figure. He made it pretty tall and disfigured then turned to me and said "She's tall for a lady, that's because she's really a man!"
"Is that a man or a woman?"
--Young Master Dallas, watching the Artiste Formerly Known as Prince at the Superbowl halftime show.
I just want to know what those bunny ear things on his head were
That was the best fuckin' show, but the worst fuckin' hair!
My sister asked the same of David Bowie in labyrinth. Actually, it was 'whos dat lady mommy?'
My 14 yr old is big-time grounded (don't ask), but there was an all-girl party/sleepover coming up last weekend, and we were talking in the kitchen about the conditions under which she could go. I told her facetiously that despite the fact that she is grounded, it would be nice to be rid of her for a night so I could have some peace and quiet.
Two minutes later, my 11 yr old son is on the phone talking to his friend's dad asking if he can come over to their house to play. He says, "can I come over? My mom wants to get rid of me!" I was sooo embarrassed!
NAAPID in school tomorrow. Each class is studying a "lesser-known" African American person in history for a presentation to the rest of the school. We asked our kindergartner who his class was studying, to which the reply was "all of them"!
(Nation African American Parent Involvement Day)
I asked Thor to pass me a beer from the fridge (well that's why we have them isn't it?). He brought me an apple.
I asked Thor to pass me a beer from the fridge (well that's why we have them isn't it?). He brought me an apple.
Hah, think that's a sign?
Could be....
Today beest was helping Thor with his science fair project -Metal or Not Metal. It involves testing things with a metal detector. (Well he is still in Kindergarten). So he was preparing a list of things to test and predicting the outcomes. After a few testing sessions, he's getting an idea of what is metal and what isn't, so all of things he was choosing to test were things he thought would be metal (so exciting to hear the "beep"). Beest was making a few non-metal suggestions. They had just shovelled the snow, so one suggestion was sidewalk. Thor did not want to test the sidewalk. Why not? Because some of it is metal and some isn't. Expecting some keen observation about water shut-off access points and the like beest asked "Which parts do you think are metal?" "The robot bits"
....
....
....
Sidewalks
.....
Cyborgs
:smack:
He scares me. He's the only one of us who could be the president of the United States. Let's hope he decides he want to be a lumberjack or something.....
He scares me. He's the only one of us who could be the president of the United States. Let's hope he decides he want to be a lumberjack or something.....
:kneeslapping:
Several times while watching Thomas the Tank engine, inch has ordered me out of the room while a particular episode is playing. He gets very agitated and is emphatic about me going away. It is the episode with a big elephant being carted around. I am going to watch it later and see what it's about.
Very odd. All the others he doesn't mind me being around, and the one where Fergus has to go to the smelter, gets him scared and he insists that I stand by.
It's my own personal WTF?
At Labrat's suggestion I waited for an opportune time and asked him. He said it was because they were having a party. (Fair enough, he has a reason.) "The party isn't for you," he continued. "The party is just for me."
So the movie and the party are just for him.
its like my mother told me LONG ago "the party goes with you !!!"
In his case its a privet party !!
Well, there you go!
Reminds me of what my daughter says when she's mad at us:
Well, you're not coming to my birthday party!
She has recently mastered 'the look' whilst brandishing this threat. Oy.
I was describing the finer points of Goa'uld symbiotes in Stargate and how they prolonged life in their hosts. 12yo asks, "Does that mean they keep living until they die?"
Every time our three year old gets into trouble now he says, very seriously "trusssst me".
At Labrat's suggestion I waited for an opportune time and asked him. He said it was because they were having a party. (Fair enough, he has a reason.) "The party isn't for you," he continued. "The party is just for me."
So the movie and the party are just for him.
See... makes perfect sense.:right:
What is f-d-up is that I've lived with one long enough that it does to me *hits head wth brick*.:mad:
Inch: "Do Dinosaurs like to eat mice?"
Foot: "Well, mice weren't around when the dinosaurs were alive. They died a long time ago, before the mice came, so no, the dinosaurs didn't even have mice to eat."
Inch: "Dinosaurs like to eat mice."
Foot: "Yeah, you're right."
Inch: "Do Dinosaurs like to eat mice?"
Foot: "Well, mice weren't around when the dinosaurs were alive. They died a long time ago, before the mice came, so no, the dinosaurs didn't even have mice to eat."
Inch: "Dinosaurs like to eat mice."
Foot: "Yeah, you're right."
You are a
smart man.:cool:
i thought that early mammals were around toward the end of the dinosaurs' reign.....like mice an voles
In fact, the find more than doubles the age of the oldest known mammal from the island of Madagascar and therefore suggests that mammals lived much earlier than previously thought. What's more, it means some of them even lived during a time when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
They were but they would only come out at night. Dinosaurs were warm-blooded so they might have been out as well, but I don't think they would have bothered them much except for a small snack.
i thought that early mammals were around toward the end of the dinosaurs' reign.....like mice an voles
So I'm not as smart as a preschooler, let alone a fifth grader?
So I'm not as smart as a preschooler, let alone a fifth grader?
Right.
Get used to it, it is strictly downhill for the next 20 years minimum. I promise.
From my wife's blog.
Don Juan de Elmo
Current mood: confused
Category: Life
My niece, Misty and I decide we are going to take my son, Finn bowling. In the lane next to us is a family and two little girls which appear to be approximately 8 years old. So we are bowling and having a great time and Finn keeps giving these two girls the eye. Now these girls are no slouches. They are cute, trendy 8 year olds and they are not giving this 3 year old a second look. Well, Misty goes to get a pitcher of coke and I tell Finn that we will take a rest while we wait for her to come back. Instead of sitting next to me, he goes over to the next lane and sits right next these two girls. While the girls start to look at each other, rolling their eyes, Finn begins to woo them with his uncanny ability to emit faux burps. Ah yes. He brought out the big guns right away. What 8 year old could resist the fake belch? The girls turn to each other and start to smile. I am absolutely amazed at what happens next. With the finesse of a seasoned pro, he looks them in the eyes, leans in, raises an eyebrow and says, "You rock!" Both girls look at each other, blush and begin to giggle incessantly. He is all of 5 minutes past 3 ½ years old and is putting the moves on two 8 year olds and it is working!
By now, Misty has come up on this scene and is also standing in amazement, watching as this mini-Don Juan works his magic. Finn turns to me and says, "Mama, they like me." He then, gives me a look and a nod as if to say "watch this." Finn goes up to the first girl and gives her a full on body hug. She looks at him and smiles and then he does the same to her friend. Both girls are as red as ripe strawberries already when while their guard is down he moves in to give the first girl a full on kiss on the lips. Her friend starts to giggle and then he leans over and gives her a kiss too! These girls are now in hysterics and their father is looking at me like, "lady, what kind of little ho-dog are you raising?" Finn is full of himself, feeling about 10 feet tall. He knows he has both girls exactly where he wants them. I am in shock at the whole scene and don't really know what to think to be honest. I say, "C'mon Casanova, it's time to come back to your own lane." Misty told me that I was in for some trouble when he gets older. I think she is right. I mean if he can have 8 year olds eating out of his hands when he is only 3 ½ what am I to do when he is a teenager? Of course, all I could think of that night when we got back to our lane is, "wouldn't his Daddy be proud if he could have seen him?" Is that sick or what?
Oh, I've got tha' fear, no doubt.
rkzenrage--that is a fabulous story. Terrifying as a mother of a daughter, :D but fabulous.
This begs the question, nature vs. nurture papa? Heh, heh, heh !!
Well, together they are 16 so I guess it's ok. ;)
This begs the question, nature vs. nurture papa? Heh, heh, heh !!
I think it is nature not being stifled by nurture. The inch is a lot smoother already than I ever was or will be. A few weeks ago he was giving his sitter a shoulder rub, then putting his hand on her shoulder and looking smolderingly into her eyes.
I can hardly pull that off with my own wife, but then I had a decidely wierd upbringing where those sorts of things were stifled.
So I say it's a mix of both.
There is a new Finn story... omg, I need help.
That boy has a great future... hell he has a great now.
There is a new Finn story... omg, I need help.
nope, seems youre doing fine. :)
My eldest daughter, now fully grown, had a thing for Kenny Rogers when she was four or five. She loved to sing his version of Lucille, but it came out like this:
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
Four hundred children and a crop in the field
a friend's son had an awful time teething. he would bite chunks out of ordinary teethers, so he tried to find a solid silver victorian teether. no success. he also tried engineering works for steel rings. no success, but they suggested stainless surgical steel. so he went to a body piercing shop and bought a wide diameter circular ring. yeah youve guessed it : his son was teethed on a large cock - ring.
Our saga continues…
So I have a “conversation” with my little man that it is inappropriate to touch others without their permission. I worry that he has not heard a word that I have said even though he looked me in the eye and said he understood…even giving me the gratuitous, “trust me” that I have heard one too many times from the opposite sex. (Rob: I do not endorse this statement, but, Finn does say that a lot and it is usually a lie)
Well, we go to Toys R Us two days ago to pick out a swimming pool for him since he has been begging me for one and it has been upward of 90 degrees almost every day this week. He was a perfect angel in the store and when we get to the cash register, he continues by helping to put all of the merchandise on the counter. The check-out clerk is a beautiful Spanish lady that looks to be about 18-19 years-old…a real sweet thing.
Finn looks at her and says, “I need to tell you something.” When she asks him, “what?”, he replies, “I want to give you a kiss.” Oh brother. Here we go again.
Well, at least he asked this time so I guess he did listen to our talk. Anyway, the girl turns to me and looks to me as if to ask permission to kiss him, saying, “He wants to give me a kiss.”
I say to her, “Lady, if you want to open up that box, go for it.” So she leans over and presents her cheek to him. Cheek? Finn, being the Don Juan that he is, reaches up, touches her chin and gently moves it over to kiss her on the lips and lays a very nice medium length kiss on her, full on the lips. This, in no way, resembled a peck.
She smiles and says, “Why, that is the best kiss I have ever had!” She adds, “You are so handsome!”
Finn grins all full of himself and says, “Yes and strong too!” He then, shows her his bulging bicep. “Here, feel my muscle,” he quips. “Oh my,” says the cashier.
Finn then quickly, holds up his leg to show the impressed woman his equally huge calf muscle stating, “Here, feel my leg, it’s strong too!” The cashier declines but tells him that he is the cutest boy she has ever seen. Finn states clearly "I know."
I state that he would like to think he is and we leave the store.
As we leave, Finn tells her that he loves her.
What am I going to do? Really?
He tried this on the pretty lady at Albersons this morning, mom would not let him kiss her, he has a cold.
a friend's son had an awful time teething. he would bite chunks out of ordinary teethers, so he tried to find a solid silver victorian teether. no success. he also tried engineering works for steel rings. no success, but they suggested stainless surgical steel. so he went to a body piercing shop and bought a wide diameter circular ring. yeah youve guessed it : his son was teethed on a large cock - ring.
That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!!!!:eek:
I would give my little toe for a picture of that. I am not exaggerating.
That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!!!!:eek:
I would give my little toe for a picture of that. I am not exaggerating.
i thought it was pretty cool when he told me about it. if his son wasnt 12 years old now, i would ask my mate if i could get a photo of it for a friend in Florida.:D
A couple days ago I checked out the CD "Hilary Hahn Plays Bach" from the library. I was showing it to Mrs. Dallas when our son walked by, caught it out of the corner of his eye, and did a double-take. "Hey, is that Hilary Duff??"
A couple days ago I checked out the CD "Hilary Hahn Plays Bach" from the library. I was showing it to Mrs. Dallas when our son walked by, caught it out of the corner of his eye, and did a double-take. "Hey, is that Hilary Duff??"
Hey, tell him yes and he may develop an appreciation for baroque music!
Ahhh, music.
From the other room I heard a ... a ... chipmunks / Weird Al sounding rendition of a familiar tune. By the time I got to the source in the living room, SonofV was cracking up and the music was over. I looked at the screen and it showed a bunch of stills of slugs, menu choices from the bonus features section of the newly acquired Flushed Away dvd (a very funny movie). I asked him "What was that!?" And he looked at me with that is-this-a-trick-question? look on his face, and answered in all seriousness "Miserlou, dad".
I 'bout choked. Of course he was right, the little guys were doing a cover of Dick Dale's masterpiece. They really really *are* paying attention. w00T!
Thor (5) has just learned that sentences need a pyramid at the end.
Of course they do. Knowledge like that will come in handy if he writes in a gerbil. You know, a gerbil . . . like a book of paper you can write stuff in. (Credit my daughter, from about the same age.)
This is a great thread....gotta love the way kids minds work.
My grandson will be 4 next month....several months ago he was playing doctor with mommy and checked her eyes and ears and nose. All was okay. Then he said, "Open your mouth big Mommy!" She did, he looked in and saw the uvula (hanging thing) in the back of her mouth and said, "Mommy! You have a pecker in your mouth!"
Last night we were talking to the kids about being an organ donor and we were explaining the whole process to them, including the fact that in most cases, if we donate organs it's because we've died before we were old and our organs were used up. Obviously this meant that the kids made the connection to us maybe dying while we're still youngish, so it led to a discussion about burials and funerals etc.
After we'd stopped chatting, my son Aden sat and thought for a minute and then asked, "Mum, when you die, do you want to be crucified or buried". I told him I didn't really care, but that I'd rather be cremated than crucified.
Not me... if I had a choice I would much rather be crucified! In my leather jacket, sprinkled with birdseed!
You want the birds to eat you?
This morning, dad was in the shower, I was brushing my teeth and the pup was on the floor with her blanket. Dad made a comment about a 'f*ckin' show... and I said WHAT!! since the little one was right there. She pipes back with, ''he said ...puppet show, mom.''
He's lucky he gets to let that swear word slide... :rolleyes:
Not me... if I had a choice I would much rather be crucified! In my leather jacket, sprinkled with birdseed!
I don't blame you. I want to die getting nailed with peckers all over me too.
There's a famous one from the theatre, starring Rex Harrison IIRC:
During a performance of My Fair Lady, Rex had gas. And then he couldn't hold it any more:
"Manners? My manners are the same as Colonel Pickering's." --BRRRRAAPP! Brought the house down.
It's almost too bad it didn't, er, transpire in an earlier scene:
"Pickering, this is going to be ghastly."
[SFX]
"You're right, Higgins. It is ghastly."
a friends daughter was allowed to go to the bar to get herself a snack. she asked the barmaid "are you a man?" the barmaid said "no sweetheart, i'm a woman. what can i get you?" friends daughter ordered her snack, took it from the barmaid and said "wel, you look like a man to me."
Damn! It got chilly in here~
I can't wait to see how Young Master Dallas' teacher reacts to this bit of homework.
Excellent, STeve! A chip off the old block.
My niece and family were eating pizza one night, and Jeopardy was on the kitchen tv. The "answer" was "what is a pond?" Anna, totally incredulous, says "That guy doesn't even know what a POND is!"
Not really... I prefer a modest sedan myself.
HAHA, you teach him steve.
Master Dallas and Master rkzenrage. Don't let those two guys meet in college, they'll end up being the next generation's Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong.
I had a bad day (I work for attorneys... so, you know, most of them are) and I was explaining to Scully, my 6 year old daughter, upon picking her up from school, that I had had a bad day, and to please be on extra good behavior for a little while until I was able to improve my attitude. She asked why it was a bad day, and I explained that I had had a disagreement with Mr. Bill, one of the attorneys, and I felt as though he was being terribly unfair and blaming me for a problem that he created.
Now, normally, I didn't go into detail like this, but around that time, she had a habit of coming home and complaining every day about someone in her class and how they "ruined" her whole day by skipping her inline, or not wanting to play her game, or some other equally silly thing, so I was trying to point out that it happens to everyone, and that sometimes you need to talk and have a few minutes to change your attitude. I was trying to set an example.
Well, it so happens that there was a teacher work day the following day, and I had to take Scully into work with me.
We weren't there an hour when Mr. Bill, who had previously spoken to me earlier that morning and we had resolved our issue, came up to me and handed me a piece of paper that had been given to him by my daughter. It read:
To Mister Bill
I hered you havent ben nice to my mommy so can you be more nicer to her and if you want to no hoo toled me it is my mommy Love Scully
Now, not only did she completely embarrass me, but then she totally made it a point to throw me under the bus. No loyalty, I tell ya!
Under the bus?! No, no no nonono... the truth will set you free! You have a fierce advocate there, a champion dedicated to the defense of her beloved mother. You have done very well as a mother and I am awed by your articulate, self possessed, loving daughter. You have a lot to be proud of.
lol, okay, you might have a point BigV...
but how about the times when she was about 3 years old when we were in public restrooms and she asked if I wiped good, or what was that white thing going in my vagina...
(my apologies for TMI)
Our summer pool opens tomorrrow. Tonight board members and members who helped prepare the pool got a sneak preview. Thor (5) was so excited. He remembered how last year (when he had just learned to bike without training wheels and was tiny and cute and stole all heart in the bike parade) he got the "speared award". The way they say Spirit round here sounds like speared, so I said "Oh the spirit award?" He said "No, speared. SPEARED. spelled SPIRD." So I said do you mean like a good team member, having fun? He said "No , Speared, like warrior". Well he's proud of it anyway. :lol:
Master Dallas and Master rkzenrage. Don't let those two guys meet in college, they'll end up being the next generation's Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong.
I was planning to send mine to do his undergraduate work in your lab. I figure you'll straighten him out if anybody can.
but how about the times when she was about 3 years old when we were in public restrooms and she asked if I wiped good, or what was that white thing going in my vagina...
At about the same age, when using a public restroom was still a novelty, Mrs. Dallas was taking my daughter somewhere on Sunday. We had been to church, and there had been Communion. She had to go to the bathroom, and while they were there in the stall taking care of business, the little girl started saying very clearly, "Body of Christ, given for you! Body of Christ, given for you!" As Mrs. Dallas said to me, "I can only imagine what kind of religious freaks everybody thought we were."
Jacquelita's daughter yesterday: "Hey Mom, I got the Pepsi scholarship. It's like $500."
Jac: "That's great! What did they say you did to earn it?"
Daughter: "I dunno... I didn't think I had a chance at getting anything, so I didn't pay attention until they called my name."
My son's second grade class went on a field trip to Dutch Wonderland this week. Mrs. Dallas went along as a chaperone. Among other things, they saw a play. Two of my son's friends decided they really liked the princess... liked her so much, in fact, that they went up to her and gave her their phone numbers. :eek:
(I asked my son if he did too, and he said no. When I asked him why not, he said, "That's just idiotic. I mean, she must be, like, 20!")
Not funny, but friggin beautiful...
(as I'm tucking her into bed, age 5)
Mommy?
Yeah?
I know what I want to be when I grow up.
Oh really? What have you decided on this week?
I don't want to be a teacher or a builder. I want to be an artist. Some people are just meant to be something.
Master Dallas and Master rkzenrage. Don't let those two guys meet in college, they'll end up being the next generation's Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong.
He told my wife he wanted a tattoo on his butt of "blocks with 'mom' on it" yesterday.
Tonight we were having a bit of a talk after dinner and hubby and I were giving our oldest boy a bit of stick about the number of girlfriends he has had, at which point I stated that he'd changed g/f's more often than he'd changed his underpants. His response to this was, "I've only had 7 g/f's. I've changed my undies 10 times this year."
today's gem...
My 5-year-old stepson came up out of nowhere today and asked me, "You know that woman, that relative on the syrup bottle?"
Long pause.
"Uh... You mean Aunt Jemima?"
"Yeah!"
"What about her?"
"Why do you think they put her on the bottle?"
"Well, I think maybe they hope people will think she looks like she's a really good cook, so the syrup must be really tasty."
"Oh. My mom says that they chose her because her skin is the color of maple syrup."
...
"Uh... Okay. That's... a strange thing for your mom to think."
"that relative on the syrup bottle"
oh, dear (wipes eyes)
"Mom, do you like apartment living?"
"Well, sure, but I also like living in a house where we have our own yard"
"But, don't you like to share, Mom?"
I can't wait to see how Young Master Dallas' teacher reacts to this bit of homework.
Forget the elephant. It didn't do much for that kid. :)
Every few days, he says, for no reason that we know of:
"I don't need my bwood".
When asked why or what it is about he just looks at you blankly.
It FREAKS my dad out... I LOVE it!!!
Not sure if I already posted this:
Mom: "Jamey, we should go through some of your toys and determine which ones you want to give to needy kids."
Jamey (walking out of his room with his hands on his hips): "Mom, I don't want to give my toys to meaty kids!"
God forbid I have five minutes to myself to cook dinner and put away some laundry. I could hear the dull sound of the riding lawnmower outside. Soon that sound is accompanied by others - the sound of Rob's voice... and then the sound of The Girl's. I figured it was the usual conversation between them when they did yardwork together - she's lazy and he has little patience. So I walk to the window of our bedroom on the second floor to see what kind of damage control I'm going to have to render, when look down to see Rob stopped on the mower, and The Girl standing next to him screaming her little head off.
Then I notice the bloody leg.
Approximately 1.29745 nanoseconds later I had leaped across the bedroom, across the house, flew down the stairs, and just as I opened the door, in walked The Girl - crying, hysterical, and with a bloody gash down the side of her leg.
me: "What happened?"
The Girl: "Rohimwfrok"
me: "Huh?"
The Girl: "Rob hit me with a rock"
At this point, I'm thinking WTF, why would he hit her with a rock? Why social services gotta be knocking on my door later???
And then the light bulb went off.
me: "Now this is very, very important, and I need you to think about your answer to my question very carefully. Did Rob hit you with the rock, or did the lawnmower hit you with the rock?"
Rest assured, it was the lawnmower.
The other night my thelittleguy was sleeping in our bed due to giving up his bed for the night to visiting family. He came downstairs about 15 minutes in and, looking like he is about to cry, says, "Mom, I need a tissue." My wife took him to the restroom and noticed he had blood on his lip. She asked what happened and he just started crying. "I don't know," he said. She called me in and his upper, front gums are bleeding like mad. We keep asking what happened and he kept saying he did not know. So, we decided to go back up to our room to discuss it and see if he will tell us.
Back up in our room, he kept saying he didn't know what happened to every suggestion I threw out. Hit face on headboard? Hit face on nightstand. Then, it hit me. "(Thelittleguy) were you maybe jumping on the bed?" He said, "Well, maybe." "Were you jumping on the bed and fell off?" "Well, maybe." Then, he looks at my wife and says, "One little monkey jumping on the bed. The monkey fell off and bumped his head." He then tells me that, "Maybe I fell off and hit my face on the floor. Maybe."
I cracked up. It seems he was jumping on our bed, in the dark, fell off onto the floor (on his face). He didn't want to get in trouble so he climbed back into the bed (I know this since there was blood on the sheets) and didn't come down until he was really, really in pain. Keep in mind, we are dealing with a 4 yr old here. I am not sure why he was so scared. He doesn't get spanked. He very, very good kid who rarely gets in trouble. I may be in trouble when he becomes a teenager.
Aww!
I think he just really doesn't want to disappoint you. By the fact that he didn't deny jumping on the bed, I would say you are doing a good job. Sounds like it was difficult for him to tell the truth, but he still felt compelled to do so, even though he might have thought he would disappoint you.
Wow. Your kid probably weighs what, 35 pounds? And he fell from the bed to the floor upstairs, and you didn't hear the thump? I want to live in your house. We can hear them wiggling their toes in their shoes in this house.
The jumping on the bed reminded me of a good kid story from years ago.
A good friend (who has since passed) who was a really funny guy, dry humored, and smart. He was telling us his boys were jumping on the bed and he called their names and told them to stop. The oldest boy looked at the younger boy, rolled his eyes, and said "we better stop, I'm sure dad knows someone who died doing this."
"we better stop, I'm sure dad knows someone who died doing this."
No deaths, but my cousin broke her collarbone jumping on a bed when she was about 5 or 6. I'm sure my kids are quite tired of hearing about it . . . .
I broke my collar bone around that age too. My mom was trying the "we'll sit here all night until you eat that" tactic at dinner. I fell asleep and fell out of my chair and <snap>. It was totally worth it...
That sounds like something my daughter would do.
Wow. Your kid probably weighs what, 35 pounds? And he fell from the bed to the floor upstairs, and you didn't hear the thump? I want to live in your house. We can hear them wiggling their toes in their shoes in this house.
Actually, he barely eats and only weighs about 30 lbs. We were also laughing it up with company at the time.
SonofV has been increasingly proud of his muscles. "Look at that!" as he pumps up his bicep. So, in fun, we were arm wrestling the other night, and he was gamely battling to a draw. I raised my eyes up and over his shoulder and said "Hey, look at that!" When he turned his head to look, I pressed his arm down to the bed. Upon realizing he'd been tricked, he said "No fair! My arm was gullible!" :P
Aww!
I think he just really doesn't want to disappoint you. By the fact that he didn't deny jumping on the bed, I would say you are doing a good job. Sounds like it was difficult for him to tell the truth, but he still felt compelled to do so, even though he might have thought he would disappoint you.
I have to admit (I might be biased), but he really is a great kid. He listen well, has his own opinions, and loves humor. He started getting sarcasm at an early age. We knew we were in trouble then.
Wow. Your kid probably weighs what, 35 pounds? And he fell from the bed to the floor upstairs, and you didn't hear the thump? I want to live in your house. We can hear them wiggling their toes in their shoes in this house.
We have a hanging pan rack in the ceiling right beneath the "hitting floor" point for the bunkbeds in the boys bedroom. They still seem surprised that we know they're out of bed......
special parent super powers
!!
Is she ok?
yes, she's fine, thanks for asking. It's hot here, our blood is thin and tends to look worse than it is, I suppose.
I broke my collar bone around that age too. My mom was trying the "we'll sit here all night until you eat that" tactic at dinner. I fell asleep and fell out of my chair and <snap>. It was totally worth it...
lol, I've tried that with my daughter, and she does the same thing... though without the broken collarbone. Now, I give her 20 minutes to eat, and what she doesn't finish gets served up for breakfast - cold.
I never said I wasn't a mean mama.
I gotta try that, smurf...20 minutes and then it is in the fridge until breakfast. Wow. Pickiness is a pet peave for me.
I have to admit (I might be biased), but he really is a great kid. He listen well, has his own opinions, and loves humor. He started getting sarcasm at an early age. We knew we were in trouble then.
Sounds like a good kid. Sounds like good parents.
I gotta try that, smurf...20 minutes and then it is in the fridge until breakfast. Wow. Pickiness is a pet peave for me.
So far, it's the only that thing that has worked. Letting her go hungry didn't work - she just whined because she was hungry later. Making her eat everything didn't work because she either tried to make herself vomit, or would fall asleep at the table and still not have eaten.
And it gets super frustrating to constantly get on her case during dinner, which is the only time all day long we are all together with 100% attention on each other. So far, ti's working out quite well. Only had to enact the cold-dinner-for-breakfast twice in the last 6 months.
Mom-1
Girl-0
So far, it's the only that thing that has worked. Letting her go hungry didn't work - she just whined because she was hungry later. Making her eat everything didn't work because she either tried to make herself vomit, or would fall asleep at the table and still not have eaten.
Heh...extremely familiar. "I'll starve if I have to."
"Well, it'll be interesting to find out for sure how many ribs you have, then."
:)
Our son can be a picky eater. We make him try everything on his plate, but he doesn't have to finish it. If he doesn't want to eat it, that's fine. He just won't be eating anything else until breakfast. He goes to bed hungry several times a week. His choice. No confrontation. No power struggle. No fuss.
We only have healthy foods for breakfast and he always eats a big breakfast after going to bed hungry.
I'm not responsible for what my kids eat - just what I make available to them. I don't let them order huge entrees that I know they won't finish at restaurants... but I never make them eat anything.
Isn't it possible that some kids aren't "picky?" Can't our taste buds differ, and for some there is a real reason they don't want to eat it (as in they might puke?) Hardly seems worth broken collarbones or reverse peristalsis. But then again, if they only want yummies and have never tried something maybe you should make them try?
You parents have a tough job!
Mine just plain will not eat. Not picky. Just will not eat much more than goldfish crackers, a few apple bits, and, well, that is mostly it right now. I can sometimes get him to eat half of a pop-tart. Healthy. Thank God for vitamins and minerals in Carnation Instant Breakfast.
how about Cheerios? I thought all kids ate them. They're very healthy too.
Nope. Not even Cheerios. He used to eat them, but has decided he does not like them.
my kid's problem is that if it ain't in the form of deep fried chicken nugget or sugar, it's inedible. which is crap. and I have no problem with the fact I make her eat a square meal and refuse to be manipulated.
Exactly my problem, smurf. If it's a bowl of ice cream or mac and cheese, or a plate of pancakes with syrup it gets gobbled up in seconds. If it is black bean soup or a burrito it is sat over, pouted about and one bite chewed on for half an hour.
I also make my daughter at least try some of everything on her plate. If it's something new, and she doesn't like it, she can spit it out into her napkin. Usually, if she balks at what's for dinner, the one bite thing leads to more, sometimes until what was formerly gross, is gone. :)
I have never made her eat her food. She gets no treats the rest of the night, and goes to bed hungry if need be. She also is extra hungry the next morning, so I always make sure there are bananas, oranges, yorgurt etc. for her to eat the next morning before daycare. She gets breakfast and lunch and snacks at daycare, which I have no control over what/how much she eats.
She is 4.5 years old, 50 lbs and 90th %ile for height.
Some of the same aged kids in her daycare are positively skeletal in comparison.
my kid's problem is that if it ain't in the form of deep fried chicken nugget or sugar, it's inedible. which is crap. and I have no problem with the fact I make her eat a square meal and refuse to be manipulated.
I hope you're not offended by what I said - it's your kid, not mine.... I just don't play that game. I'm the mom, if I don't want my kids eating it, I don't buy or serve it.
She is 4.5 years old, 50 lbs and 90th %ile for height.
My just-turned 7 year old weighs 52lbs and is often mistaken for an 8 or 9 year old.
I hope you're not offended by what I said - it's your kid, not mine.... I just don't play that game. I'm the mom, if I don't want my kids eating it, I don't buy or serve it.
I feel the same way. It's rare that we do anything processed.
Unfortunately, our kids are in a different household several months out of the year.
Ah, yeah... thats gotta complicate things. Mine don't even go to school, so I have a pretty good handle on what they eat, lol...
Wow and everyone thinks T is huge.
He was 4 in March, is 48lbs and 97%ile for height.
Ad is 2.5 and 35lbs, but off the chart for height.
I hope you're not offended by what I said
not at all.
I should have been more clear... I don't force-feed her when she's not hungry, or stuff she doesn't genuinely like - like mushrooms and tomatoes. If occasionally she's not hungry or doesn't like something, that's fine, I'm a little picky myself. I'm thinking of how she'll eat meatloaf for Grandma, but not for me. It's the
same meatloaf. That's what I have a problem with. Plus, I don't see what she eats all day long at school - and since she comes home every day telling me about the candy and soda and ice cream they had, I'm not confident she's getting much real nutrition throughout the day, so I do push for a healthy dinner.
But when she says "I'm not hungry" and scowls at the steak and baked potato, and I say "well, we have chicken nuggets and french fries" and she perks up and suddenly is starving, yeah, she's totally full of shit. "No nuggets for you!"
I'm thinking of how she'll eat meatloaf for Grandma, but not for me. It's the same meatloaf.
Pfft. My kids change their minds about what they like from month to month, and you can usually count on one of them liking something and the other not--except which one is which changes over time!
Ah, yeah... thats gotta complicate things. Mine don't even go to school, so I have a pretty good handle on what they eat, lol...
Do you home school them?
The Girl: Can I go with my friend Sara to SeaWorld? Her mom got a hotel room with a cajuzzi (jacuzzi).
Me: (lol) No, remember - we're going somewhere special this weekend?
The Girl: Oh yeah - we're going to the astronaut senator (Kennedy Space Center).
My D11 is tiny and always has been. She was born a month premature. She hovers around 10-15th percentile for her age. However, she's healthy and intelligent and developing right on schedule. I don't worry about comparing her to other kids in the 50th or 95th percentile. I feed my family balanced meals which they can choose to eat or not. If not, they go hungry. Commercially made snacks (cookies, chips, ice cream, hotdogs, etc) are limited to one type, per person, per week. Fruit and raw veggies are plentiful and have no limit.
The Girl: Can I go with my friend Sara to SeaWorld? Her mom got a hotel room with a cajuzzi (jacuzzi).
Me: (lol) No, remember - we're going somewhere special this weekend?
The Girl: Oh yeah - we're going to the astronaut senator (Kennedy Space Center).
God...that's so cute!
:)
Why is it when I download the digital camera, there's always ONE PICTURE that ruins the whole web album so I can't send the link to my mom???
Damn horn-ball astronauts.
(
Click for background, as seen at the Dallas dinner table.)
So I'm sitting at my desk signing some perfectly innocent purchase orders. And my phone rings.
"Umm.. Dad..." [it's my daughter]".....I have a question."
"Yeah?"
"Well, let's suppose we were doing a TV commercial...."
"Wait, does Mom know you're calling me?"
"Umm.. no."
"Where's Mom?"
"Inside doing something."
"Uh... OK... go ahead..."
"Well, let's say we were doing a TV commercial. If we filmed somebody making the ketchup bottle fly through the air, would you be able to take the video and edit out the person so it was just the ketchup flying?"
I think my reply to that would have to be "yes, dear, it can be done the same way i can edit out the person who murders the one making the ketchup bottle fly through the air"
Steve.........well....you can edit out the person. Am I missing something here? Maybe I'm too childlike to get that one.
It's cute that there was a special phone call made about though. Very important question. *now that's cute*
This thread is starting to get to me. I am not going to have a kid...you guys have to stop this!
:)
The other day thelittleguy and theotherlady were in our local drugstore. My wife saw a little boy that appears to be adopted from a latin american country. As we are nearing the end (hopefully!) of our very long adoption of a little boy from Guatemala, she points him out to TLG and says, "You see that little boy over there? He looks alot like TLG2 will look." TLG takes a few minutes looking him over real well. My wife says it was really cute and she can see the wheels turning. TLG has seen many photos of our new son and even some webcam footage on the last visit. After several minutes he turns to her, and very loudly asks, "You mean brown?"
Long story short: we've been using account passwords that the kids don't know to regulate how much they're on the computer. We recently discovered my daughter (the main computer user) figured out how to change her brother's password. I found out what it was by using a password cracker, and casually mentioned the password to her.
Her: "Oh. Well, I'd like to know how you found that out."
Me: "I have ways of finding these things out."
Her: "I guess you're smarter than I gave you credit for."
I was waiting in line at the bank a few weeks ago and there was a woman in back of me who was having problems dealing with an impatient child. The child was complaining that he was bored and demanded that his mother bring him to Burger King for lunch. The mother tried several times to explain that the line was moving and that they would go to lunch after she completed her transactions, but he wouldn't relent. Finally, the child loudly announced that if his mother didn't bring him to the restaurant immediately that he was going to tell Daddy that he saw Mommy with Uncle Peter's penis in her mouth. The woman grabbed the kid and dashed red faced out of the bank with most of the patrons laughing hysterically.
My sons have had an ant farm going over the school holidays (vacation) and my oldest son has been recording observations over the last week or so. These are the first couples of days worth. Some of the phrases were pretty funny to me and hubby. I don't know if they'll be as funny to you guys, but I thought I'd share.
Ant Colony Diary
Sunday 30th Sptember 5 pm:Green ants started digging colony. Aprox 20 ants.
Day One: Only got four hours to record. In four hours the green ants dug three cm down in ant gel.
Reflection: I was very suprised at how far down the ants dug because the people at the shop said it will take weeks for them to start digging. But they were black ants at the store and we are using green ants for this experiment.
Notes:The ants have created some sort of condensation on the inside of the container just above the line of ant gel.
Conditions: It was a hot day and we had the air con on.They have made it big enough for two lanes one down and one up.
Day two: I had a whole day to record. In one day they had dug about three cm down and two other tunnels.
Reflection: I was suprised when I looked at it because I thought the ants would have went to sleep but they didn’t which I thought it was weird.
Notes: Nothing really happened that day but i noticed that every time I opened the lid the ants would go crazy and try to escape.
Conditions: It was a hot day once again but we did not have the air con on and there was no condensation stuff. I kept on knocking the container over and that might have changed the way they acted.
Day three: I got a whole day to record again and in that day they had made alot of new tunnels and they are touching eachother. The ants have been busy on the third day.
Reflection: This day of my experiment was the most productive day of all three days so far. I think they have made about five more tunnels and they are all touching.I am very happy about how much has been done today and the last few days.
Notes: The ants have created a heap more space to move for themselves.
Conditions: Once again it was a hot day but no air con and also no condensation.(Which I think is a good thing because the condensation might have done something to my ants). Today I have tipped it over a few times again.
Thats cute Ali.
ToGgie...I didnt know you were adopting?
After dinner at my parents the other nite, ferel#1 (T) heard me say "see ya, Dad".
I was trying to explain that Poppie was actually my Dad, Nannie was my Mum, etc etc
T pipes in with...."My Daddy is a really naughty one isnt he?..he never came back", (talking about the fact that he left and hasnt been seen since)..."Can you get me a new Daddy?"
To which I muttered I would see what I can do.
T then asks in an excited voice..."WOW....will he be a PINK one or a YELLOW one??"
ToGgie...I didnt know you were adopting?
Yep. Very exciting and very frustrating. I might post about it at some point.
I was trying to explain that Poppie was actually my Dad, Nannie was my Mum, etc etc
My kids didn't have nearly as much trouble understanding this as they did that Mom and Dad were once little kids too.
My stepdaughter really didn't understand the concept of "before you were born" for a ridiculously long time. We could show her pictures of her father as a boy with a young Grandma, and she would completely get it--and then later bust out with, "Yeah, I was just a baby then."
I couldn't understand why I wasn't at my parents' wedding. I kept asking to see the photos with me in. When I finally grasped that concept... I couldn't understand why my (older) sister wasn't there.
I use to think that kids grew up and adults "grew down." I would tell my mom that I would be the boss once I grew up and she grew down.
I use to think that kids grew up and adults "grew down." I would tell my mom that I would be the boss once I grew up and she grew down.
I'm still entirely confident in this theory.
I am starting to wonder if I wasn't right all along, also. In fact, sometimes I wonder if I don't learn more from my son than he learns from me....?
I had this (taken at a pub in Ballyvaughan, Co. Clare) as my "desktop" background at work. I work in a hospital. I called social work into the emergency department early one morning regarding a pediatric abuse case. She was not amused :mad2: !!!
USCivilianSon#1 was ten months old at the time. Every night on this two week vacation he sipped the foam from my Guinness :yeldead: . I cannot wait to take his little brother to Ireland someday soon and keep up the tradition.
Every night on this two week vacation he sipped the foam from my Guinness
Hah. Cute.
I had a dog, years ago, that was partial to a drop of guiness from time to time.
(Click for background, as seen at the Dallas dinner table.)
So I'm sitting at my desk signing some perfectly innocent purchase orders. And my phone rings.
"Umm.. Dad..." [it's my daughter]".....I have a question."
"Yeah?"
"Well, let's suppose we were doing a TV commercial...."
"Wait, does Mom know you're calling me?"
"Umm.. no."
"Where's Mom?"
"Inside doing something."
"Uh... OK... go ahead..."
"Well, let's say we were doing a TV commercial. If we filmed somebody making the ketchup bottle fly through the air, would you be able to take the video and edit out the person so it was just the ketchup flying?"
My immediate reaction (what I imagined I would say) upon reading the above: "Hang up the phone. Destroy the tape. Deny all knowledge of the event. Do not tell your mother we spoke."
Went to a banquet last night and my little cousin was there. She had on a real cute dress with black tights. Later into the evening she has to go potty. She's 3yrs old. So I take her and after she's finished, she says that she has to pull up her "Pantypose". I thought it was cute.
School spelling words = sentence writing for homework.
I can't remember the spelling word, but one sentence said something about liking to get wet and playing with the "hoes".
One summer we were walking out in the pasture, in the blazing hot Texas sun, and my nephew says "I'm losing life units!"
...the kid plays alot of video games.
Both stepkids play a lot of Pokemon.
The other day, I overheard the older one explaining to the younger one why we wash our hands: "Because germs are weak against water attacks."
I was innocently driving along yesterday when my car started stalling at every traffic light, and then smoke was coming out from under the hood. I pulled into a parking lot and called AAA, then called Mrs. Dallas, who was at a rehearsal (that I was supposed to be at too!) We agreed to talk again at the rehearsal break to see what was going on. When we did, she said Young Master Dallas wanted to speak with me.
"Dad? Was there really smoke coming out of the car?"
"Yep."
"Actual SMOKE??"
"Yes."
"From the front of the car????"
"I'm afraid so."
"COOOOLLL!!!!"
time to sit the boy down and have the Talk !!!!
( about engines that is )
"Now, son, sometimes, a piston and a cylinder will really love each other.. but there just won't be any oil left . . . "
Last night, a ghoul in the haunted house jumped out and scared the crap out of my nephew (7)... so he gave him the finger.
Been hanging around Uncle LJ too much that one
I was doing the 'changing nappies and 'naming the body parts'' thing with my son several months ago.
Point at his arm.
"What's this?"
"Arm!"
Point at his leg.
"What's this?"
"Leggy!"
Point at his willy.
"What's this?"
"Superpower" (I swear, I'm not making this up!)
Ever since then he refers to his penis as his 'superpower'. It makes sense. He's mad-keen on Superman, Spiderman, Batman and Wonder Woman.
More recently he threw a ball at a wall, it rebounded, bounced and hit him in the groin.
"Ow, hurt my superpower!"
I call my penis 'Hollywood'*. I'm kinda proud he got in on the game early and named his... and in such a cute and endearing way.
*I called it 'Hollywood' because of '1942' the movie, when the Japanese Sub surfaces and the nude female swimmer is clinging to the periscope. Just as it's diving one of the sailors looks up "Horrrywoood!"
It just appealed on a stupid, pureile level, I'm proud to say.
I was innocently driving along yesterday when my car started stalling at every traffic light, and then smoke was coming out from under the hood.
Would this be the same car that you
changed the battery in?
It might be. Are you suggesting I put the battery in backwards? (It's not impossible.)
Nah, but maybe adding a little post-it to your minitor to remind yourself to get a bit more regular car maintenance checks might not be a bad idea...:D
We were watching a special on the human body.
He started saying that he had "rings" inside him as well as "gwutz".
I told him that he was not part tree and was, indeed, just guts and stuff and not rings.
He yells at me that he "does too have wings" and gets The Lip.
So I drop it.
He is in an stage where he likes to make things up and not be disagreed with about it, but we never really know when he is playing or it is serious.
I hope this does not last.
Ohhh, I remember that stage Rk. Its amusing and frustrating all at the same time.
Apparently, to my red headed near 3 year old, the world is about to end when *I* foolishly open the box of sultana's that *he* wanted to open "meself".
It resulted in enough tears to break the drought, a screamed "youre not my best friend no more!!" (when I was caught smirking at the tanty) and finally some deep sobs that were drawn out to achieve maximum effect.
Nah, but maybe adding a little post-it to your minitor to remind yourself to get a bit more regular car maintenance checks might not be a bad idea...:D
no monitor postit. send yourself an appt in outlook
I'd have a colonoscopy and a root canal in the same week before I start using Outlook.
Wait . . . .
The car is toast. Timing belt, water pump, muffler & related issues... not worth it for 12 years old, 115,000 miles. We got our money's worth out of it.
The smoke didn't kill it? What kinda car?
We were watching a special on the human body.
He started saying that he had "rings" inside him as well as "gwutz".
I told him that he was not part tree and was, indeed, just guts and stuff and not rings.
He yells at me that he "does too have wings" and gets The Lip.
So I drop it.
[COLOR=Red] He is in an stage where he likes to make things up and not be disagreed with about it,[/COLOR] but we never really know when he is playing or it is serious.
I hope this does not last.
how long do you expect this stage will last?
Oh frigg, its Thursday huh
how long do you expect this stage will last?
You are so predictable it is boring.
But to answer your question, as if you were actually asking one, about a year or two, it depends on the child. He is asserting his independence because he just started a more regimented school and schedule and this behavior helps him assert personal control. It is normal and healthy and should not be fought unless it gets in the way of day-to-day functions.
i knew you were going to call me predictable. REAL mature, rob.....REAL Mature.
The smoke didn't kill it? What kinda car?
1995 Ford Escort Wagon (aka Sycamoremobile)
R I P
What are the "related issues" and how much you want fer it?
First let me say that Ifound this thread just tonight and have read every single post. Hugely amusing! I love it.
Last night, a ghoul in the haunted house jumped out and scared the crap out of my nephew (7)... so he gave him the finger.
When my ex's youngest was appx 2 years old, I took her into work with me one day to pick up my check. I sat her in the dispatcher's window and introduced her with a huge so-proud-I-could-puke grin. The dispatcher reached out her hand and sweetly said "So nice to meet you, BethAnn." To which my beautiful step-daughter replied with a raised middle finger.
I could have killed the ex. In hindsight, I shoulda.
Another night, we were having dinner with his parents at a nice restaurant in our "Sunday Best" to celebrate someone's birthday. It was a Friday night and the place was PACKED - we had waited over an hour because he forgot to make a reservation. When the waitress got to her and said "What can I get for you, Sweetie?" BethAnn said, in what seemed to be her loudest possible voice, "I HAVE TO POOP!!!!"
Heh. When my daughter had just finished kindergarten, we were signing her up for a summer day camp. There was a small mountain of paperwork to complete, and one of items was a list of camp rules that we were supposed to go over with the kid. So I dutifully sat her down and explained "Listen to the counselors", "Don't steal stuff from other kids", etc. Then: "Swearing will not be tolerated." "Dad? What does swearing mean?" "Ummm well, swearing is when you say bad words you're not supposed to say." "Oh. <pause> Well, I guess that includes swear word fingers too." And she pointed her middle finger straight at me. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or to explain that tradition demnaded a vertical presentation.
My 11 yr old has taken to wearing her bra to bed at night because one of her aunts told her she would get boobs faster that way
I told her be careful what you wish for 'cause once you get them you've got them for life
A lad in one of my classes had this gem last week. "My teacher has cajunkinhereye." That is 4 year old for conjunctivitus (pink eye) if you can't put it together.
My 11 yr old has taken to wearing her bra to bed at night because one of her aunts told her she would get boobs faster that way
Oh, good job aunt!! :rolleyes:
Selling Scrip* tonight, my friend buys some "Chicken Jesus" cards for the babysitter to use when entertaining the brat.
ChuckECheese's.
:lol:
---visions of Bob Evans menu including "chicken-fried Jesus"---
*Scrip = gift cards bought at a discount by school, sold at face value = fundraiser
---visions of Bob Evans menu including "chicken-fried Jesus"---
Does that come with sausage gravy??
Does that come with sausage gravy??
I'd rather not speculate....
Only if it's kosher sausage.
My kids have their swimming carnival on this Wednesday. We were talking about what strokes they're entered in. turns out it's everything for both of them. They're both going to try for age champion.
anyway, my youngest was talking about butterfly, and he said, "I'm the best in my class, but I still suck".
My kids have their swimming carnival on this Wednesday. We were talking about what strokes they're entered in. turns out it's everything for both of them. They're both going to try for age champion.
anyway, my youngest was talking about butterfly, and he said, "I'm the best in my class, but I still suck".
Reminds me of a swim meet last summer where one one my friend's kids said in a huge loud voice at one of the few quiet moments "I suck at breast". *snicker*
my 11 yr old has a great new weight loss idea - tiny little tapeworms in a capsule, that you can just swallow:eek: :headshake
It's not original - the idea has been around (possibly as an urban legend) for years. I have seen posters (possibly fake) dated from the early 1900s advertising weight-loss tape worm eggs.
Uggghhh.
I suppose you could also develop a giant
hair-ball.
It's not original - the idea has been around (possibly as an urban legend) for years. I have seen posters (possibly fake) dated from the early 1900s advertising weight-loss tape worm eggs.
Uggghhh.
I suppose you could also develop a giant hair-ball.
That is really sick
I like it!!!
LOL you would!!
okay no more tv for my 11 yr old- she just told my 7 yr old "take it up with your attorney"
haha....now that's funny.
From the 9-year-old stepdaughter the other evening:
"Are you sure these pajamas are for girls?" (This sort of thing has always been a huge concern for her.)
"Of course. First off, it's a nightgown, and boys really don't wear nightgowns, and second, it's pink and covered in hearts and glitter."
"Then why does it have a boy's name on it?"
"What?"
"The tag says 'Steve' on it."
"Honey... that's 'St. Eve.'"
Late last night, my insomniac 2 1/2 yr old daughter comes strolling out of her bedroom holding her doll. She looks at her dad and I and while pointing to her doll, says.."Look! Look! Baby has a boo-boo!! Awwwwww...."
There was a panty liner (new) with the strip removed, stuck to her doll's arm like a giant bandaid. :eek:
She bandaged and re-bandaged and kissed that boo-boo for hours.
Tonight, I just cleaned up BBQ sauce (from one of those small plastic cartons you get at fast food places) that she had poured all over her doll and the couch...exclaiming..."look!! Baby boo-boo, is bleeding!"
Maybe she's going to grow up to be a doctor?
I was helping in class yesterday (grades1&2), and they were just finishing up Spanish when I walked in. Thor proudly rushed over to show me his work -three pictures of waether conditions with the appropriate terms in Spanish)then went off because he wanted to draw a picture on the back. Other kids came over to show me their work, I enthused as per my role, then the teacher called the class to the meeting space. Thor runs over excitedly to show me (and then her) his last picture:
it's gotta be the first word he's ever written legibly and spelled correctly!
Did he get point off for not writing it in Spanish? ;)
Couldn't tell, teacher was pissing herself laughing
My son (almost age 9) has been letting his hair grow out a bit. He wants a ponytail. He is now putting it up with a rubber band; the fact that the "ponytail" is currently about 1.5" in length does not deter him.
Apparently one of his buddies told him that it makes him look "tough" and that "most guys aren't manly enough to wear a ponytail."
That is really funny!
My nephew has long hair. Almost always has. For a year or two, he kind of had a mullet. I had to pull my brother aside and ask him about it. My nephew was going for the look from Star Wars (Annaken had a little rats tail). Somehow a little rats tail ended up looking more like a mullet on my nephew. He now has longer hair than me, and his latest photo (age 14) he almost looks like a girl because he has long dark brown hair and snow white still have my baby fat skin. He's going to hate these photos when he's older.
My son really hasn't said his first word. He says dadadada to many things, not just to Dada. And last night he was playing with the soap dish during his bath and saying mamamamama. Not exactly what I had hoped he say mama too. lol At least he hasn't called the ladies at daycare mama, as I've seen one boy do. Hopefully he'll call me mama soon.
Did anyone see the Dr Phil episode where these parents had a "bad" teen son? The Mom was psycho, and Dr Phil's wife was onstage, saying she had never yelled at her sons, never called them names, and never gave them dirty looks.....Out of the kitchen, where she was doing her homework, totally straightfaced, my 11 year old daughter says "what a crock of shit" This child almost never uses language like that (in front of me anyway) I just had to laugh
Young Master Dallas has a bit part in a Gilbert & Sullivan production at a local university. While backstage, one of the students dropped some profanity or other. Another one said, you probably shouldn't talk like that in front of the kid. Y.M.D.: "Don't worry, I'm the king of cursing in the third grade."
Say, how is his ponytail coming?
His hair's getting longer.. just slightly more than collar length now... but he hasn't done it in a ponytail recently.
In other news, my daughter is very eager to see Hillary Clinton lose. You see, she intends to be the first woman president and she doesn't want anyone else to get there before she does. :rolleyes:
My 2 1/2 year old is really into singing classic hits at full voice. Today's selection?
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone ... I can see all popsicles in my way."
My 12 year old out of the blue, in the middle of practicing for her solo in 2 weeks, just said "someone pull the fire alarm, cause I'm HOT"
LOL
SonofV and I were watching the Twilight Zone last night (season two, episode one, King Nine Will Not Return). One scene had a WWII bomber that had stenciled on the fuselage the symbols of their kills. When he saw those angular spirals, he said "Look at those synagogues." WTF? There was considerable clashing of my mental gears, then I realized what he was talking about. "No, those are called 'swastikas'." A short conversation followed verifying what we were both talking about. We're going to continue the disc tonight and I plan to ask him where "synagogue" came from connected to that symbol. It should be interesting.
The pup loves her new Jello shoes.
"Daddy, do remember all those hairs that you pulled out in the bathroom?"
It turns out that he was talking about when we unclogged the drain.
The pup loves her new Jello shoes.
I guess there's always room in the closet for Jello shoes.
Ok this one taught me a lesson as I was only 18 when it happened: new parents as soon as your child can walk, lock your bedroom door when you are loving. So I'm at a dinner party at a friends new Oast house conversion that I helped design, 3 couples the Architect and myself plus the owners 8 year old daughter. Two of the women who had children were tlaking about a problem with one of their infant sons little willy(this in deference to the daughter being present) when the daughter decided to join in and said loudly and confidently: " I've seen my dads' little willy!" We all smiled at her. In the pause she then declared: "And I've seen his big one!"
Never have I ever wanted to be somewhere else so quickly. I can't even remember what happened next so frozen were we. I think the daughter disappeared as if a miracle had been answered.
My 7 yr old just said "I'm fedex with you being mean Mom"
Years ago I picked up the expression "I'm at my journey's end" meaning "I've had just about enough of ..."
Mrs. Foot has since been using it unsparingly in front of the inch (Who is now nearly a footfoo). The other day he looks up at her and tells her "I'm at the end of my book."
A couple weeks back, my son asked, "Dad, can they send you to Fuji for throwing rocks at a car?"
"Umm... Fuji?"
"Yeah, you know . .. Fuji!"
"You can get in big trouble for that. But I don't have any idea what Fuji you're talking about."
"You know, like jail for kids. Fuji."
"Oh. You mean Juvie."
"Yeah."
My 5 year old niece is trying her hand at t-ball. She is the opposite of the 7 year old. The 7 year old inherited her parent's athleticism. The 5 year old loves dance, dress-up, girly stuff.
So my brother had to try not to laugh when he explained to her she was wearing her "uniform" to practice, not her "outfit."
We're working on potty training, so we've been talking to the girl about pee-pee and poo-poo.
Also, I've been working with her on using combination words, or two words to describe one object. Getting more specific about how to describe things.
Well, I can see that she is working on these concepts. At breakfast, Mama asked her if she wanted another pancake, and she replied:
"Pancake? Pee-cake! ... Poo-cake."
We're working on potty training, so we've been talking to the girl about pee-pee and poo-poo.
Also, I've been working with her on using combination words, or two words to describe one object. Getting more specific about how to describe things.
Well, I can see that she is working on these concepts. At breakfast, Mama asked her if she wanted another pancake, and she replied:
"Pancake? Pee-cake! ... Poo-cake."
Ahh... good times, good times...
One of my favorite books:
Everyone Poops.Inchling had a playdate w/ one of his girlfriends today. Ever the gentleman, he defers to his guest's wishes to play "Let's get married" instead of "Trucks falling from the sky and crushing cars."
As they passed by Mrs. Foot overheard him say defiantly: "No, you'll get the wedding ring AFTER the baby is born."
He probably couldn't remember the words "paternity test."
He was talkin' to his baby momma! :lol:
"Pancake? Pee-cake! ... Poo-cake."
We have been facing the daunting task of pottytraining LittleFerret. We got a "Once Upon a Potty (for Girls)" DVD (recommended by many friends) and she's been watching it. At the beginning, the viewer is introduced to Prudence, who is the cartoon star of the show, and she then shows you her several parts (eyes to see, a mouth to eat and talk, etc) and the parts identification ends with her facing away from viewer, bending over and grasping ankles to show "a little hole for poo-poo."
LittleFerret has been demonstrating that last part and saying "a little hole for poo-poo."
:headshake
My 5 year old niece is trying her hand at t-ball. She is the opposite of the 7 year old. The 7 year old inherited her parent's athleticism. The 5 year old loves dance, dress-up, girly stuff.
So my brother had to try not to laugh when he explained to her she was wearing her "uniform" to practice, not her "outfit."
I have to add on to this. My brother reports that little miss thing is actually very good at t-ball, probably the best on the team (not just proud daddy...he was first team All-Ohio pitcher in HS so he knows of what he speaks) AND she got mostly 98 and 99 percentiles on the last standardized test.
Girl just keeps amazing me more and more. Plus, she's funny!
--not proud at all Aunt!
Other day, MommaFerret got home from work and was sidetracked by LittleFerret while she was trying to unload her purchases from her car. Once MommaFerret got LittleFerret settled down in the living room, she realised that she had left her lunchbox in the car and said from the kitchen "oh, I left my lunchbox in the car." LittleFerret piped up from the living room with "What are you whining about, Mommy?"
I was rolling. :rotflol:
My almost 3 three year old niece gave me a Cellar moment on Sunday. We were all hanging out on my mom and dad's back deck. Ava was going inside for something, and on her way to the door called her sister a dumbhead. She was almost in the house when her mom said "Ava, you know that's not nice and we don't call people names." Ava peeked her head back out and said "OK, bye." She wasn't being a smartass, just acknowledging the admonition, but it was really cute.
Anyway, I busted out laughing because all I heard in my head was a 3 year old saying "kthxbai."
Lil Lookout and 2.0 had to go into the ped's yesterday for a checkup. LL needed the full physical so he's standing naked. I should mention that Lil Lookout has no modesty and if the soccer thing doesn't work out he can always fall back on a porn career. He is a bit large down there and has a perpetual hard on. Well, the doctor was slightly taken aback when he saw that and said "what is that?"
Lil Lookout calmly put his hands on his hips, puffed his chest out, and declared, "That's my King Cobra, I carry it everywhere." All with a straightface.
The doctor turned beat red and fell out of his chair laughing. Mrs L was still horrified when they got home.
Seriously, I musta missed a whole heap of Lookout history. You have a new Mrs L?
Oh....well....umm, glad you two got it sorted out :)
Whoa. Put the car in park.
Is there a thread about this or should we just humm along and fake it?
no, no specific thread. it has been covered in bits and pieces in a number of places and a bit more extensively in chat. very long and drawn out story cut short.
papers were drawn up and we didn't see or speak to each other for a month except to drop LL off. During that time sobriety reared its ugly head and some chemical issues were dealt with. It was a rocky road and a hard decision but neither of us wanted the divorce so we didn't. We worked things out. Sobriety is good. Life is better.
I'm so happy for you guys lookout. That is awesome. Fantastic.
l123, I am delighted you two worked things out and made a better life together. You are the man.
I salute you, and Mrs L.
Funny things they say....
SonofV, our budding stoic: " ".
It wasn't what he said, it was what he didn't say. We were walking (walking home by way of McDonalds after an afternoon of orienteering and hiking, about 8 miles) along and he chose a path off the sidewalk, following a somewhat more direct line to McDs. He was watching where he was putting his feet as he walked under the sign for the little shopping plaza. He was watching his feet but not his clearance and consequently smacked his head on the corner of the bracket holding up the sign.
I didn't hear the "gong" or the meaty smack that must have followed, nor did I hear him cuss or cry. He was entitled to, though. When I saw him rubbing his head and he told me what happened, I looked and saw blood trickling down over a nice goose egg. He's ok, nothing a bandage and a sackful of double cheeseburgers couldn't salve. But I would have turned the air blue.
versus, Lil Lookout who was startled by an unexpected incoming soccer ball and shouted "oh shit!" without a second thought. Great mouth for a 6 year old. :o
As we were watching an episode of The Twilight Zone, Rod Serling delivered one of his inimitable closing monologues and SonofV said quietly, almost to himself "That guy is a genius."
The girl is getting communicative enough to request specific things, like "ruff-ruff yogurt" at the grocery store. That's yogurt with a picture of the Blue's Clues dog. What's funny is that she's never even seen Blue's Clues, as far as I know. But she MUST HAVE the "ruff-ruff yogurt" lol
Minifob has this book, called "How Do Dinosaurs Play With Their Friends?" (it's one of a series of books about how dinosaurs do things the right or wrong way, and he loves them all.) He often repeats the phrase "play friends," and his favorite part is the last page where the dinosaur is getting hugged by his little human friends.
So today, he's interacting with his baby sister in her swing, and he suddenly leans forward and kisses her on the cheek and tells me "play friends." It was freaking adorable.
yeah, nothing cuter than little people interactions
Apart from he's hitting me...
Addison, aged 3..."Ohhh, thats a cool car its got stripes like a race car is it a race car? its like bumblebee wow cool ITS A TRANSFORMER!! DOES IT TRANSFORM?? it can try it can learn cool can I drive it?"
Punctuation absent coz thats how he was talking.
This isn't something she said, but did. Who doesn't love playing in a good old fashioned downpour? I can't
not laugh when I watch this. What a goofball.
[youtube]<object width="425" height="349"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RRASfPTREnw&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/RRASfPTREnw&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="349"></embed></object>[/youtube]
surely brightened my day. Thanks!
I had to turn my laptop sideways... but yes, it's very cute.
Come visit us! We're having the rainiest July anyone can remember (well, people with 11 month memories who don't remember the floods last year!)
I thought, "eh, that's cute, but I guess you really have to be the Mom to appreciate it" and then she started the little dance, and I laughed out loud.
:thumb:
Coming home from work one evening, I was ready to get out of my attire and slip into my "slob" clothes. I had just unzipped my pants and decided to bend over, as I am rummaging through the pile of clean clothes I had pulled out of the dryer, my upper ass area is revealed, so my then two-year old tells me, "Mommee! You need to put your butt up."
So, we'd gotten a new puppy who loved 'going' in the house. Needless to say, it drove me crazy! Typically, I'd rant about the little *&%$ dog and tell the little ones to let it outside.
Forward to Irishgrandmama coming for a visit, and on cue the puppy goes...in the house...again. Irishlad(3 yrs) verifies that there is indeed a mess by shouting, " That damn dog shit again!"
Calmly, Irishgrandmama replies, "Now, lad, what would your mother say?"
To which Irishlad responds...
"She'd say, ' PUT THAT FUCKING DOG OUTSIDE!!!'":eek:
:snort:
[imagined conversation]
Ahem, son, come here lad.... If you're big enough to use those words, you're big enough to know when and how...
[/embarassed]
Preeeeettttttyyyyy dang funny, tho.
We almost had the birds and the bees conversation with my stepson yesterday. He was asking the typical questions, and I was leading into the topic--and then I said the word "genes," and this apparently reminded him of something that happened in a Pokemon game. He rambled excitedly about the "genes of an ancient Pokemon ancestor," and then dashed out of the room.
Er, okay. Guess we'll have that talk another time. :lol:
The inch has been hanging around the jobsite the last few days and his self appointed job is the keep the minions out of mischief. Since I blew out my rotator cuff (before Flint, the copycat) I have enlisted the help of a couple of strapping youths the help with the ongoing moneypit saga.
Anyway the inch has dubbed himself "mischief hammer" and is doing his rounds to keep everyone on the up and up.[FONT=verdana][SIZE=-1] When I left one day he said to the guys "Hey Foot left, we can do mischief!" (As his self appointed position was to keep the guys out of mischief, this is a bit out of character...)[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=-1]David: What kind of mischief should we do?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=-1]Inch: We could cut all the boards too long.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=-1]D: What else do you think we could do?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=-1]I: We should take apart the whole house![/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=-1]Last month, after his cast came off, we were driving in the car and he told me "There was a guy who broke both his arms and both his legs and he had to walk around on his penis! People would look at him and say 'Do you have a foot on the end of your penis?' and he'd say 'Yes.' Isn't that crazy?"[/SIZE][/FONT]
Today he was up on a ten foot ladder and started screaming "HELP! HELP!" This is a kid who has been climbing on scaffolding since he was two, it's his jungle gym. So I look up and wonder WTF? "What's The matter?" I ask him.
(panic) "There's a japanese beetle stuck in my ear!"
(calm reason) "How did a Japanese beetle get stuck in your ear?"
(milder panic) "I put my (we'll come back to this later) Japanes beetle in my ear, and now he's stuck"
(calm, growing annoyed) "Why did you put a Japanese beetle in you ear?"
(simpering) "I thought it would be funny, but it isn't."
I airlift him off the ladder and we march upstairs, I get my trusty old roachcli, I mean hemostat, and grab the last visible leg in his ear canal, and yank the thing out.
Later on I quizzed him about "his" Japanese beetle.
"Whose Japanese beetle was that?"
"It was nobody's; It belonged to the garden."
You have an interesting life, footfootfoot. I'm staying tuned.
At 10 and 12, mine are pretty much past the age of those cute little zingers. Of course there are still some funny things they say. Like my 12 year old girl told me a few days ago not to worry, she had the whole "boyfriend" thing sorted out, that she totally understood guys, and they would be no problem at all, ever. :snort:
But the best thing right now is these little private jokes we have between us. Silly stuff that nobody else would ever "get" to laugh at, but always cracks us up.
We were beginning an episode of Quantum Leap when the girl started humming the Star Trek: Next Generation theme song...so we asked her if she wanted to watch "her Star Treks" and she said "Yesss!"
So, you never know what they're going to mimic, but we're in the middle of the episode when she blurts out "Battle stations!" We're so proud.
stories like that give me a more complete picture of who you are flint.
that is why i like the cellar.
My 1st grader announced the other night that the Bailey's Irish Cream we were drinking looked and smelled like paint.
Smart kid.
"Yeah, kid... enjoy your childhood while you can. When you grow up you too will be so pathetic you drink stuff that tastes like paint."
I nearly made my stepson cry when I once suggested to him that when he was an adult, he would probably actually like some vegetables. He found it tragic that he would someday become such a clearly disgusting person.
A little girl was in the pub on Sunday. Her Mum asked her what was obviously a familiar question
- What do little boys have
- Willies!
- What do little girls have?
- Handbags!
I have no idea whether handbag is a euphemism her Mother uses, or whether it was just her understanding of what the question was asking. Either way she gave both answers with such gusto it really made me laugh.
That is funny.
SG, I'm confused, do you work in a not for profit pub?
SG.....that's entirely what I would expect a little lady over there to say.
Thanks for validating. ;)
Minifob has a laminated placemat of famous landmarks. His favorite?
"Mount Crushmore."
The girl is two, and developing her advanced bossing skills.
"Foofa. SAY IT. Say it, Papa. AGAIN. Say it AGAIN, Papa."
Repeat for every word-for-something that she can think of.
Out of the blue, SonofV offers this:
"Being responsible and living on your own is harder than I thought..."
"Oh?! What are you having trouble with?"
"Cleaning."
My best friend's seven year old was hanging around us adults chit chatting about this that and the other one afternoon... Out of nowhere he pipes up "My daddy's willie has HAIR!" We looked at each other... and just fell out laughing. It was a good twenty minutes before we could breathe well enough for her to explain why that is not a mixed-company topic of conversation... nor a public one. :)
For American History class, Miss Dallas had to complete a worksheet on the presidential election. There was on column each for McCain and Obama. They were supposed to fill in several boxes under each column--political experience, other jobs, family, education, etc. Miss Dallas had filled up the box for family on one side and finished it off writing in the margin. I was giving her a hard time about it, and she said, "I couldn't fit John McCain's freakishly large family in one box!!"
SG, I'm confused, do you work in a not for profit pub?
Nope - I work full time for a not for profit Arts company, and two shifts (and often more) in a proper old fashioned London boozer that is run very much on proper old fashioned capitalist lines. It's also where I live for the next week, until I move and I'll be sad to go - it's been sold.
Last week while the boys and I were staying at my Dad's place and I had a cold, my kids snuck into my room while I was sleeping and recorded me snoring with my mobile phone, then they set it as my ringtone.
It was a pretty funny little stunt. lol They were proud of themselves.
That is fucking hilarious. Those kids are enterprising.
Yes, yes they are. ;) Actually, it was probably my oldest boys idea. I'm sure Mav just went along for the ride. lol Dad thought it was pretty funny.
HAHAHAHA - thats a really good one.
I can see MiniTrea pulling that stunt someday...
I can see MiniTrea pulling that stunt someday...
Isn't the correct term for a MiniTrea Bonsai?
-chuckles- maybe if I were pruning her on a regular basis, or had her in a mini planter on my desk... she doesn't take too kindly to that though.
As best as I could piece together: when my dad was on Saipan in WWII he was concussed by a shell and his mates though he'd been killed and left him on the beach. Everyone was evacutaing and getting back on the boats and one of my dad's pals decided to go back and drag his body onto the boat.
My dad eventually reagined consciousness and was *not dead yet*.
I recently got an email from the widow of the man who rescued my dad, She had been very close with him and my aunts and uncles after the war and is still close with my surving aunts and uncle. She emailed me a pic of my dad at about 17 or 18 years old. He's the one with the goofy hat.
I showed the inch his picture and "This is a picture of my dad when he was so and so's age."
The inch looked at the picture and said: "You know what you can do? You should build your dad up in your mind so you can pretend he is still here."
That's a sweet picture and a sweet thing for your kid to say. Bravo.
nice pic and better story foot3.
Dammit. My carefree days are over. Minifob's language skills have passed the line into being able to repeat anything he hears. And I screwed up.
I'm a big fan of the group Asylum Street Spankers, and they are in heavy rotation on my iPod shuffle. This song came up the other day, and I let it play (skip ahead to 1:30 in, language NSFW):
[youtube]YvJGs6MhZM0[/youtube]
Catchy, right? Yeah, minifob thought so too. He's been singing "Beer beer beer beer I love beer" for over a week now. Especially in public. And just in time to be around the relatives for the holidays. Greeeeat.
Clod, having listened to the song, you should be grateful he's only singing the beer part!
(not a comment on your parenting, the song made me laugh, but "makes me want to fuck Madonna" really made me laugh :))
Just get another catchy song in his head - I know from the kids on the bus that they'll sing damn-most anything. I remember my niece one year singing the hook to rather an explicit rap song. My BIL shrugged and said at least it as the only part she understood.
Foot I missed your post originally. Wow - that's some good advice. And a lovely picture to have.
Just play the song for them, get the whole group singing! :lol:
not a comment on your parenting, the song made me laugh, but "makes me want to fuck Madonna" really made me laugh
Ah, see but the album version says "do Madonna." Which makes it all okay, right? ;)
I think I put a version of "Darktown Strutter's Ball" on my cmep collection. The asylum street spankers do a version of it, but not as good as the vintage classic by the clovers. anyway, you may remember the title was corrupted to "The rotten cocksuckers ball" The lyrics would make Lenny Bruce blush. I'll dig around and see if I have the spanker's version and I'll put it up on cmep3 if I do.
Ahhh, which "Madonna"? Especially at Christmas, this could be fantastic.
When my son was about two, he was riding in the car with his dad and grandpa, and saw some guy jogging. Kid started giggling and pointing at the jogger. "Hey dad," he said, "Look, that guy forgot his car!"
So, a couple days ago my 2 y.o. managed to find her way in our bedroom as we were having a "moment" shall we say. Miette climbed of Vathana (BF/dad), who was on top of me, and she was just giggling away about the dogpile, bouncing on us being silly. We convinced her to go out into the living room (baited with promises of Dora episodes) and as she left the action started back up...hey, it's unfair to leave unfinished business. Miette came back in the room and yelled at Vathana, "No hit Mumma!" She scolded him pretty bad and of coarse we were busting out laughing. She wouldn't leave again until she was satisfied knowing that he wasn't 'hitting' me. My parents had a similar situation where my sister walked in on them and asked my mom why she was bouncing on daddy. Hmm...I think I'm kinda proud that I now have a story. Miette seriously did scolded him good, though. Soooo funny. I wish I could have gotten it on camera.
While watching a bit of TV this morning, an ad for High School Musical 4 came on.
Aden said, "That show's going to go on forever."
I said, "Why do you say that?"
He said, "Well that's what the 4 stands for. 4ever!"
I don't know if this is really all that great...but I think it was. We were all going to get groceries so I could make my BF's mom some Indian curry. My daughter found some snow goggles in the back of the car, so, naturally, I sized it to fit her. She wore them proudly (which covered 3/4 of her face) and stuck out her thumb and said, "I sic" being all bad ass. My BF proudly teaches her this stuff...well, the funny part is that his mom, said, "oh, Miette, you sick? I'm sick too," and she continued talking about how ill she was. Miette just kept proudly sticking out her thumb explaining how "sic" and cool she was.
to his cousin in England (it's OK, cousins are legal there....)
That's very cool. I was pen pals with my cousin as a kid too! We are still close now and email a couple times a month just to keep in touch.
The entire family is now fluent in LOLspeak, but the kids took it a stage further this morning and were playing "FAIL" in the snow. The aim of the game was to take a flying leap onto the snow tube/sled thing and FAIL so spectacularly that it's actually a pass :lol:
"I haven't figured out how to text and play Guitar Hero at the same time."
So we asked the sprogs if they actually knew the story of The Nativity/the birth of Jesus. two said no, and one said "yes, wait, well I know he hung himself up on a cross or something"... :lol:
oops! :o seems we're slacking in our religious education
I got mine from the movies.
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]Mind you this happened several years ago. My wife and children went to visit some friends who have a nice swimming pool, but no kids. “Guy” is a serious germaphobe and does not appreciate kids who germ his home up. Well, we were having a swim party and while we were lazing around the pool, our kiddos were enjoying the shaded pool during the hot day. All of a sudden Guy’s wife yells out and we look and see our four year old standing at the very end of the diving board. I immediately jumped up thinking he was in danger, then stopped when I saw he was still as a statue on the end of the board. Several seconds went by when I finally realized what was going on…he was reenacting a real-life statue. In other words, he was peeing in the pool and looked just like a little peeing boy statue. I started laughing my head off. Then shortly after I realized my germaphobe friend was not very happy, at all. Our guess is he didn’t use that pool the rest of the summer!!! We were embarrassed at first, but now find it quiet humorous and can’t wait until he is dating to we can get him back![/SIZE][/FONT]
I was informed that our little helper-elf was working on the cookie-making project,
and asked her mama whether she could kindly have her "bullcraps." Yeah, I guess I say that.
Also, the other day she was singing a little song: "Dangit, dangit, dang-it! Dangit, dangit, dang-it!"
I dont have any kids, but I did babysit my Moms parrot for a week. She said it started to say 'oh, shit' all the time after that. I had no idea I walked around the house saying that, but I must of.
This was when I was single and living alone.
That's why I like cats. They generally don't repeat what they've heard.
:worried:
As My 2 yr old and I were making cookis she said "I want my bull craps Mama... give me my bull craps" I assume she mrnt the cookie dough... Flint uses that phrase all the time so of course the first thing I did was call him to inform him that his daughter was wanting her bull craps and he was responsible... I have to admit it isn't near as bad as some of the things she has heard from my lips... I bet she is just saving those for a more embaressing moment
I've been watching Good Will Hunting with my older son, and my youngest boy just put in an appearance and asked what we're watching. Aden says, 'Big Wood Hill'. I corrected him and laughed...and he said he nearly got one word right.
Good Will Hunting + teenage boy = big wood hill. :lol:
As part of my astronomy lab, I had to pick a nice, clear night to go outside and look up. There were several questions to answer, both by observing with the naked eye and with binoculars. Last Thursday was that perfect night - not too cold, clear sky.
My 10 year old son went out to "help" me. Actually he was quite a help; he's very smart, and it was good to have another pair of eyes (better ones!) to confirm what I thought I saw. He's also very interested in science stuff.
Of course, up in the sky right around 10 p.m., looking to the South, was Orion. Orion's belt is in the middle - three stars - then two more above, and two more below, for arms and legs.
Below Orion's belt there are three fainter stars in a line. This is commonly called Orion's sword.
But thanks to my son's lively commentary, forever I will think of them as "Orion's Schmekel."
Well, when you look from the Southern hemisphere, the "sword" is sticking up above his belt. Sword, indeed.
I need a pic of that Zen.
I had picked up Miss Dallas from choir practice and we were heading off on another errand. She knew that while she was gone our contractor was supposed to drop off some blueprints for the alleged addition. She asked if the drawings were good.
"Well," I said, "there are three different versions. None of them is 100% ideal, but there's no point in trying to change them until we find out from the town government exactly how far out we can build, because we're getting close to the property line."
"Wait... the town has a government???"
My mom sent me an email today. Apparently they were having dinner with my brother and his wife and the girls. Seinfeld was on, and the 8 year old said "what's a masseuse?"
The 3 year old rolled her eyes and said with exasperation "Dr Masseuss? From Horton Hears a Hoop." She was quite put out that the 8 year old, in all her advanced wisdom, didn't know THAT.
:lol: Big sisters can be so dumb, y'all.
It's like watching a comedy show, those three girls. :)
Hector (9) was trying to tell us which song was his current favorite.
"You know, the one about hanging bitches on the wall"
:rotflol:
(Ashes of Soma, Bedroom Wall, the word is "pictures")
lol
Heard today: my three year old niece, she of the Dr Masseuse, was in the bedroom changing clothes and her mom asked her why she was changing clothes and A replied "I'm not changing clothes, I'm changing my life."
Scarily funny kid.
The Millimeter (22 months) was shouting from the other side of the baby gate at the cat:
"Ernie, come here! Ernie, come here! Come here Ernie, I want to show you something."
The girl (2.5) telling mama, loudly, at the grocery store "You're not treating me right!" lol where does she get this stuff?
Hector (9) was trying to tell us which song was his current favorite.
"You know, the one about hanging bitches on the wall"
:rotflol:
(Ashes of Soma, Bedroom Wall, the word is "pictures")
I see a future in rap music for this kid.
This might not be funny to anyone not Australian, but Mav was on a roll a couple of nights ago. First he said, "Canberra is the most exciting place to visit" and then a short time later Aden asked him if he was going to do some push-ups and Mav's response was, "After I file my nails."
After the second comment, Aden and I were literally rolling around the floor laughing our arses off.
Not something the kid said, but a story about the kid...
My stepson's mother recently let us know that she's trying to cut back on the amount of soy the boy eats, because soy contains phytoestrogens which can mimic real estrogen in the body... and, well, she's concerned that he's kind of a pansy.
:lol:
I got news for you, lady. I was predicting your son would be gay from the time he was 18 months old. Ain't got nothin' to do with the soy.
[size=1]The sad thing is she's a bit of a fundamentalist, and this will probably seriously harm her relationship with him when he is older. Not really my problem, though.[/size]
Descending in the elevator -with strangers- at the airport tonight:
Hector (quietly): that sort of tickles!
Thor (loudly) yeah, it tickles my wiener too!
::Hector dies of embarrasment::
I got news for you, lady. I was predicting your son would be gay from the time he was 18 months old.
I'm trying to figure what you could see in an 18 month old that would tell you he's inclined to be gay. I've got nothin'.
So what was it?
He would walk around with his hands on his hips, except with his thumbs turned outward and the hands rotated around towards his kidneys. His favorite toys were his sister's Barbie dolls, and his favorite game was to dress up in her dresses (never other dressup clothes, just her dresses.) He shrieked in the presence of anything even moderately loud or aggressive, and was scared to play on most playground equipment.
All very silly and stereotypical of course, and at the time my prediction was a joke. But he has done nothing but reinforce the stereotypes in the years since. (And just to make sure it's clear, I have no problem with his personality, whatever it may or may not indicate. It's who he is. But stereotypes do exist for a reason...)
I know kids like that, and my friend too. the ones I know aren't adults yet, but she says the kid she knew was a screaming queen from age 2 and is now just the same ages 30ish.
It was around 93 degrees at the hottest point of the day today, and when my neighbor asked my 8 year old where her jacket was before school today, she rolls her eyes and says"it's going to be hotter than hell today!" :blush:
Princess OtR was playing a Life Saver Candy game where you match the halves to make a whole - When she got stuck and asked for help she said, "Thanks mommy. You're a Life Saver." Pretty punny for five I think.
Aden goes to school with a kid called Adam Stiff, and today they had to write their last name before the first, so it came out STIFF, Adam.
So Aden was telling me this and then said, "If my last name was Stiff, I'd hate my first name to be Richard".
How old is he? That's funny!
He's 12. Almost 13. First year of high school.
Everything is about the penis now...and I suppose it will be for the rest of his life. :rolleyes:
I knew a guy called Mark Stretch. Of course, on the library computer system, it's family name first. :lol: true story.
Princess OTR (age 5) did a drawing of me, her, hearts, rainbows, flowers, etc. In one margin there's an NESW - I asked why: "That's a compass mommy, cuz I live you in all directions."
That was last night. This morning on the way to school, "You and my daddy should just kiss and get it over with." (Divorced for three years.)
I thought at first she wrote NSFW in the margin. :lol:
heheheee
3 year old niece, after coming downstairs from the bathroom and being asked "did you wash your hands?"
"I used the appetizer up there."
Her daddy's vocab is definitely NSFW, but luckily the only time I've seen that come to fruition SO FAR was when we were behind a slow car, and she proceeded to blurt out "Go, Bitch!" at age two.
cutest word ever: my 1yo son says "guggle" for snuggle
My 2yo daughter was telling me about Harligula.
Harligula makes you fall down and hurt your head.
Harligula makes everybody feel bad.
What is Harligula? Harligula is animals.
What is Harligula? Harligula makes everybody bad.
Harligula doesn't have a stripe (we were just drawing pictures to differentiate between horses and zebras).
She didn't accidentally find your DVD of Caligula did she?
I don't own Caligula and have no recollection or reason for it ever to have been discussed. I thought about that. First thing I thought of.
From a syllables-from-a-toddlers-mouth perspective, I'd guess "alligator."
That's good, but she can say alligator.
Reminds me of when my son was 2 and he was raving about something one day calling it "back yard against." It took me forever to figure out he was not talking about a creature in our backyard, but a TV show called "Backyardigans." I didn't have cable at the time, so I didn't know about it. Anyway, what a stupid name for a show. He loved it, though.
this thread is the 1st result when you google harligula
could it be argument?
All 5 of my little 2nd cousins were at the Memorial Day cookout today. The only girl outta all of 'em, she's 6, was a hoot. Tells my sister "Bayley wants to date you." (Bayley is the 7yr old one)
Talking to me, "Does Buddy eat werewolves?," "Buddy is bigger than a werewolf." "[Werewolves] try to get Tinkerbell to have babies."
She is very informative, I did not know all these things about my black lab Buddy.
"I don't like Saint Bernard houses."
"Where do you see a St.Bernard house?"
"Over there." (Points to woods as we drive along.)
"What makes them 'Saint Bernard' houses?"
"Because they look like apple trees."
lol ... I understand that convo, totally, not ... what a creative time in the human brain development
My 10-year-old stepdaughter was apparently planning on giving this to her math teacher. Fortunately she forgot and had it in her bag instead, so we saw it first. :lol:
[COLOR="White"]......................................................................[/COLOR]Why I don't have my homewerk
[COLOR="white"].......................................................................................................[/COLOR]right now in
[COLOR="white"]........................................................................................................[/COLOR]this room
First of all, I did finish my homework, so please stop saying I didn't! Second of all, I tried to find it and I looked all over my house and my mom's car! When I finally figured out where it was, it was to late, becaue the school was closed! This morning I went to the lost and found to look for my things, but I didn't find it, which ment that I wouldn't get my things until the end of the school day! I don't know if your actually going to read what I'm writing, but my point is that I did do my homework and I finished it at 2:50 and if I had it right now I wouldn't have missed any more than probobly five questions. I know I am good in math, and misplacing one homework asignment will not change my opinion on my skill! I'm obviously mad, but not because of the punishment. I'm upset because you gave me the consequence of being lazy and not doing my homework, when I did finish it, and I am sure I did good on. If you really want to make sure, I'll show you it today when I get my paper back from the YMCA after school care, if Ms. Tanya (the consulor) still has it. My mom already knows that I left my homework there, but if you still want the signiture, then fine. Once again, I don't care about the punishment, I care more about my grade then recess. Everything I wrote in this is true, I can do another worksheet if you're really mad and want me to. I'm not saying that I like homework, by the way.
[COLOR="white"].............................[/COLOR]Signiture _________________
:notworthy:
I am completely in awe (and giggles) of that, Clod.
A friend of the family died a couple months ago, but I just heard this story. My brother and his wife took the girls to the visitation. Later, someone asked the 3 year old about it (gauging her curiosity, seeing if she had questions...that kind of thing.)
She shrugged and sighed and said "We got there and he was already dead."
There's no mistaking she's my niece. :rolleyes:
The girl, doing her best
Philippe.
Me: Why do you like wearing your shoes so much?
Her: Because you're tall!
Me: You like to wear your shoes because it makes you taller?
Her: Yes!
Me: What's so good about being tall?
Her: EATING SAUSAGE!
OK, this has just made me laugh out loud at my kids and their mate.
For some reason they've decided to play 'shooting each other' games, and their collection of weapons is as follows.
Aden has a tennis racquet machine gun, a cat toy flail, and a recorder hand gun.
Mav is using an old broken fishing rod as a sniper rifle and their friend Mitch is using a stick they pulled out of the garden (probably one that was holding a plant up).
O. M. G. That brings back some memories.
It's because she was a bad mom and didn't buy them toys guns. My kids will shoot with anything too. One day Hector made a pistol from Lego that actually fired a brick :lol:
The girl, doing her best Philippe.
Me: Why do you like wearing your shoes so much?
Her: Because you're tall!
Me: You like to wear your shoes because it makes you taller?
Her: Yes!
Me: What's so good about being tall?
Her: EATING SAUSAGE!
Thank god my kid isn't the only one with that kind of logic!
It's because she was a bad mom and didn't buy them toys guns. My kids will shoot with anything too. One day Hector made a pistol from Lego that actually fired a brick :lol:
Impressive! Sign him up with the Defense Department!! When we invade Denmark we'll be able to forage native materials to build firearms on the fly.
Dammit. My carefree days are over. Minifob's language skills have passed the line into being able to repeat anything he hears. And I screwed up.
I'm a big fan of the group Asylum Street Spankers, and they are in heavy rotation on my iPod shuffle. This song came up the other day, and I let it play (skip ahead to 1:30 in, language NSFW):
[youtube]YvJGs6MhZM0[/youtube]
Catchy, right? Yeah, minifob thought so too. He's been singing "Beer beer beer beer I love beer" for over a week now. Especially in public. And just in time to be around the relatives for the holidays. Greeeeat.
When I was little, I used to watch movies that were not acceptable for children, one of my all time favorites was "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and I used to sing "Touch Me" all the time. My parents didn't really have a problem with it...but after years of watching/loving the movie, I suddenly wasn't allowed to watch it anymore because my stepdad was embarassed by me singing such an adult song in public.
I was 14 , when my one of my 4 years old cousins said to me..You get spanked below, I saw your mother spanked you. Did she often do it, I think I was in the room, otherwise she should have spanked you naked. I was like what..haah. This little boy..
When I was little, I used to watch movies that were not acceptable for children, one of my all time favorites was "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and I used to sing "Touch Me" all the time. My parents didn't really have a problem with it...but after years of watching/loving the movie, I suddenly wasn't allowed to watch it anymore because my stepdad was embarassed by me singing such an adult song in public.
And Princess likes "I Can Make You a Man." She's five.
I have one that's more me embarrassing my son than him saying something funny.
He comes out of the kitchen with a handful of nuts and says "you know, I like nuts by themselves, but I don't like them mixed up in things"
and my husband and I just sat there giggling and snickering and he goes "ugh, you guys are supposed to be the mature ones".
HA - very funny!
and welcome to the cellar.
I have one that's more me embarrassing my son than him saying something funny.
He comes out of the kitchen with a handful of nuts and says "you know, I like nuts by themselves, but I don't like them mixed up in things"
and my husband and I just sat there giggling and snickering and he goes "ugh, you guys are supposed to be the mature ones".
Excellent!
And welcome!
More from the mouth of the now 4 year old (birthday was Saturday):
4YO: Mommy can we watch (whatever it was) when we get home?
Mommy: Honey, they took that off, we can't watch it anymore (it was something free on HBO on Demand or something.)
4YO: Those terrorists, always taking the movies we want to watch.
(SonofV, musically)
"...dee dah dah, But you did, but you did,
And I thank you!"
(slightly aggravated)
Dad! You got that song stuck in my head!!!"
Hahahah! You're welcome, son! No problem.
a brief exchange between jinx and myself over gchat:
jinx: I really need to stop finding your toothpick/flosser things on my desk, kthxbai
jim: you can't prove it was me
jinx: I could kill you in your sleep and see if it stops happening
I Lolled. out loud.
:lol:
Has anyone else noticed the whole "jinx kills jim" theme?
I've noticed. I keep wondering when she's going to stop threatening and follow through. lol
Not that I really want lumberjim dead or anything. :)
shouldn't you be busy neglecting your child?
Shouldn't you be busy picking your teeth?
eta: I have never neglected my children.
A few days back Miss Dallas was, much against her will, helping Mrs. Dallas with the laundry. She thought it was absolutely hilarious that the Hanes boxer briefs I wear have pockets.
What she didn't realize was that the "Hanes" logo goes at the front left hip. Not in the center. What she thought was a "pocket" on the right side was really the y-front fly. :eek:
You know that kid schtick where they ask a really complicated question right as you're trying to put them to bed?
Tonight's question from my stepdaughter was, "Why isn't electricity affected by gravity?"
:yelsick:
So.... what'd you tell her???
Because Mommy and Daddy Fobble haven't paid the gravity bill.
Alternate answer: Well, it is, but because electricity is invisible you can't see it leaking out of the outlets and running down the walls and all over the floor. That's why you can scuff your good shoes on the carpet to collect up all the electricity that fell down there and then make a spark by touching someone's nose.
It's never too early to start screwing them up.
Mr. Fob told her that electricity wasn't a thing so much as a movement. He pushed her in the arm and said, "My arm is affected by gravity, your shoulder is affected by gravity... but that push you felt wasn't affected by gravity. Now go to bed."
I confirmed to Thor that he would be getting a new shirt and socks for his hockey team -with the pro team (Whalers) logo on it. He said "I'm frozen with delight" (in a non-sarcastic way). aaaawww.
"X = 7"
Thor again "we did algebra in class yeaterday X=7"
He won't be convinced that X represents an unknown, the answer is X=7, that's another great mystery of mankind solved then.
Whew...glad to finally know that!
I can just see his face as he says these things!
Has anyone else noticed the whole "jinx kills jim" theme?
Belatedly. Don't worry, I can amend my filthy RPF to include this. In fact it works with the current cutting theme...
[COLOR="White"]FTR - I do not write filthy fiction focusing on LJ & Jinx. I just have a topless pic of LJ on my ceiling for those "hard to reach" moments.[/COLOR]
Thor again....
He took the bus home by himself for the first time today (he's 7). I went to meet it, but not early enough! He was already halfway home and running with a huge grin on his face. He told ne "I was just delighting in the pleasures of taking the bus by myself and my upcoming birthday" :lol:
sounds like you raised him good
I hope so... and welcome!
"Delighting in the pleasures"........sounds like he and Princess (she's 6) could have a rather enlightening cnversation.
I asked whether she would rather have chicken or shrimp fo rdinner, she replied "Well mom, you know I am rather flexible, so either will do just fine."
My darling baby -who is very interested in sharks- drew me this beautiful pic during a lull in his sister's swim meet this afternoon. Isn't it fantastic? And if I'm not mistaken, he's a future dwellar in the making. Look closely. Why yes, it is. Always the stickler for detail, my boy.
:lol:
.
The little lighthouse and pirate ship are an excellent touch.
I thought so too. And the detail on the seagull the shark is chomping. Oh wait is that.....
"Little lighthouse" ... is that what you call it?
Hector cracked us up tonight. Hebe's class is studying Vietnam for Multicultural fair. I know the script for Good Morning Vietnam by heart. I'd just recited a little in context of some other topic, and Hebe said "we watched a movie about the Vietnam War today". "Not GMV, I presume?" I said. "No Way!" piped up Hector "Too much fucking swearing!" :lol:
Hector again....
It transpires today that he'd misread/misunterstood the thing about monkey flinging feces -he talked about "monkeys flinging faces" and when gently corrected, he revealed that it wasn't just a mispronunciation, he thought monkeys were reknowned for pulling funny faces at people. He was horrified by the idea that they like to hurl poop! :lol:
bless his little cotton socks.
We've been watching a lot of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado lately and G-Max (2 1/2) is very much up on the number: Three Little Maids From School Are We.
So for most of today I've been accosted with "I want to watch the Avocados." You can guess her favorite snack.
Recently we've been numbering Minifob's rules to help him script (and thus better respond to) them. Rule #1 is "Stay right by Mommy," rule #2 is "Walk don't run," etc.
So yesterday I asked him if he was ready to go run errands with me, and he starts excitedly reciting his rules as he's putting on his shoes. Suddenly he frowns, and says very seriously to me, "Go WALK errands."
My sister has a four year old son. They were getting ready to walk out the door. He asked her "Where are we going?" She said "Crazy and you are driving" He ran to his room and got his stuffed puppy and said "Doggie go to crazy to?"
Welcome to the Cellar, rebekram. :D
A little late... I remember making a mental note when I approved your posts, but I think I've been touched by the hand of God 'cause my memory is getting kind of holy.
MIllimeter, 2 1/2 told me "Milk is descended from cows."
Cleaning out some old files and came across this letter I wrote on behalf of the inchling, sometime last year: His words in bold.
Dear Topgear folks,
For several weeks my five year old son and I have enjoyed watching TopGear on your website since we don't get BBC where we live. Our son gets to watch a video once a week, usually BBC's Planet Earth Series or recently the BBC Dinosaur series. Alternatively, he can elect to watch several top gear clips form your website. Limited to an hour a week, you can imagine, it is not lightly that he makes his choice.
While dinosaurs are massive and gorey they are no match for Jeremy, James, Hammond, and of course, The Stig.
Last week we searched for new clips and were saddened and dismayed by having an obnoxious and unwanted advertisement forced upon us whenever we wanted to watch a clip. We will suffer banners and popups, but this was beyond the pale. After enduring the mind numbing clip twice my son began to cry and insist that we switch it off since we couldn't disable the advertisement.
Tearfully, he told me the following and asked me to convey his thoughts and feelings to you. Quoting:
"Tell them they should be put in jail. They should be cut in half and have their heads cut off. And their hearing should be lost and their mouths clogged up so they can't speak. They should have their eyes cut out.
"Hide this from mom 'cause she doesn't like mean stuff. Those guys are the stupidest guys in the world."
So there you have it, a five year old's unvarnished opinion. Far from inducing him to ever want anything made by Atari, you have driven him back into the arms of dinosaurs and poisoned the well of his fondness for Jeremy, James, Hammond, and The Stig. The look of questioning and hesitation on his face when he quotes Clarkson: "HELP! I'm being eaten by dogs, I'm a pregnant woman and I'm all alone." is sad. And if that weren't bad enough you have compelled him to keep his feelings secret from his mother.
You made a five year old cry.
Woefully yours,
footfootfoot
PS Happy update! It seems as though the advertisements are gone. I will tell my son when he wakes up from his nap.
I wasn't expecting to snort so loudly when I was reading this last night. Mrs. glatt commented on it. Funny post, nutkin.
Can we addd "Gross things they do" to this thread?
The inchling was just ferreting around in the wastebasket a moment ago and I heard some paper rustling. I turned to see him pulling some discarded gum from between two pieces of an envelope and sticking it in his mouth.
WTF? He also eats boogers. His mom's side of the family.
...He also eats boogers. His mom's side of the family.
Why is there someone named boogers on Mom's side of the family?
We're not actually from Kentucky, if that's what you're implying.
This is probably not as funny to you guys as it is to me. But it is funny to me and I want to tell you about it. :D Anyways, the other day, my nephew got upset at my mom because he thought she had let the washer finish its spinning cycle. He loves to watch the washer do the spinning cycle and had the machine stopped so he could do something else first (I forgot what). When he saw that the machine had already completed its cycle, he started to cry and yell at my mom, "Grandma, why you spin?, why you...!.why you...!.YOU MONSTER!" :lol: He's five but his speech isn't too advanced. I thought it was hilarious that he called her a monster. :lol: Luckily she didn't understand him and didn't quite understand why he was upset at her for she wasn't the one who let the washer complete its spinning cycle. :p:
Why would she be upset at being called a monster? Surely it's a compliment of the highest order :p:
Why would she be upset at being called a monster? Surely it's a compliment of the highest order :p:
Haha....Very true. My nephew calls me a monster when I chase him, but it's with a totally different intention.
Football season is here again, so along with all the other bits and pieces we need to get, there are also mouthguards. For those of you that don't know, they're a jaw shaped piece of silicon that you have to mold to the shape of your teeth and gums. In order to do this, you put them in a cup of freshly boiled water till they soften, then you quickly put them in your mouth and bite down.
So anyway, Mav goes through the process and gets his sorted, then Aden comes in and starts doing his. He boils the water and pours it in the cup and pops the mouthguard in the water, then a few seconds later he says, "how do I get the mouthguard out of the water?" (obviously he had numerous options, so it was incredibly funny to all of us that he'd ask such a question. In his defense, what he meant was, is there a 'best' way to go about it, but still it was funny.)
lol - ahh that brings back some good memories.
I overheard the millimeter, nearly 3, say this to one of her dolls:
"I'm not a bad, nasty old baby. I'm a good, nasty old baby."
He just came halfway downstairs and said " blurble vlurvle blurble.... I'm going to lie on your bed, OK?"
Why? said I
"I've run out of Nerf darts" said he.
"Oh, OK", I said, "wait, I'm coming"....
So I go to him and say "I'll get you some more Nerf darts, OK? But it's better if you're in your bed"
"Oh OK"
....yup fast asleep, eyes wide open...
so I follow him to his bed to make sure he gets there OK -it's a top bunk
He snuggles down so I say "do you have your darts now?"
"No"
"OK, I'll send someone in with them."
"OK" he says, as he closes his eyes and starts that cute snore they do....
:lol:
Why does he need to sleep with the Nerf darts?
I overheard this one coming from the back seat of the car on the weekend. It was Aden talking to Max.
This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
and this little piggy had none - because he was vegetarian,
and this little piggy went wee wee wee, all in the toilet!
Why does he need to sleep with the Nerf darts?
He just had a Nerf war birthday party, I guess he was continuing in his dream...
Can funny/ embarrassing things they say apply to parents?
I'd forgotten this, but Mon's post re sleep-talking reminded me.
About 2 days before the 'rents went on holiday my Dad apparently sat bolt upright in bed and asked, "Where is it! Where's it gone! It's gone!" or somesuch.
Now I sleep in earplugs. But I must have heard something. Because in my dream my Dad and I were searching for Mum's head. And Mum's head was talking, which is why we were so scared someone else would find it. In the dream we hadn't murdered her, but we were scared of her telling the truth (although what the truth was wasn't specified in the dream).
Could just be a coincidence of course.
The fact we'd severed her head that evening I mean.
I overheard the millimeter, nearly 3, say this to one of her dolls:
"I'm not a bad, nasty old baby. I'm a good, nasty old baby."
Shouldn't that be pup or kit, sn?
Probably HLJ, when I switched over from Footfootfoot, I hadn't considered how it would affect the rest of the family. I think the SN thing may have run its course anyway and I'll go back to footx3.
Or not.
The squirell has developed a bit of a split personality. His family remains determinedly linear.
[COLOR=Silver](Or, what SN said.)[/COLOR]
Minifob was naming the tabs on my file folders this morning, and got to the folder about my minivan. He read it wrong, and I corrected him, and he adamantly corrected me right back. Apparently, I actually drive a "2003 Monster MPV."
That's because you're a lady with class :D
Why does he need to sleep with the Nerf darts?
because nerd farts are too stinky.
Thor was brought to the schoolnurse today while I happened to be in the office. Poor lamb (who brought it on himself by sliding down the handrail rather than taking the steps to the lowere playground) had a grazed lump on his noggin, a graze on the back of his shoulder, grazes on his arm, thigh, knee and shin. He said -very upset- "I think I broke my head"
Tell him he's lucky it was only his head and not his heid.
Poor fellow.
ha, I told him he was lucky the school nurse was in so he stood a chance of some sympathy. He didn't get much, though :lol:
I did let him get out of swim team practice, though. He's three years too young to actually be on the team, but as he swims better than half the team and is prone to wander if not in the water, he has to practice alnong with his older sibs
Thor was brought to the schoolnurse today while I happened to be in the office. Poor lamb (who brought it on himself by sliding down the handrail rather than taking the steps to the lowere playground) had a grazed lump on his noggin, a graze on the back of his shoulder, grazes on his arm, thigh, knee and shin. He said -very upset- "I think I broke my head"
Is he doing okay? The poor thing fell while sliding down the handrail? Must've hurt alot.
Speaking as a sadder but wiser squirell, he was lucky it wasn't his nuts.
Moving right along, last night I let out a particularly loud and raucous fart, the squirrelita, (aka millimeter) said:
"I have a quiet, gentle one that I keep in my butt and it stinks."
Funny Thing
I took my mom to the ethnic part of town and to a clinic where she was to pick up her lower plate that had broken. I only mention ethnic because something extraordinary happened I cannot imagine happening in a posh mainly white office setting.
So her turn comes up, I am in the car waiting with the poodle. I am parked outside the door. It's beautiful sunny outside and I have the windows rolled down. I am watching parents with their children and the children are waving at the dog. It's not a bad way to spend a half an hour. I soon see her walking out the door with tears in her eyes. They say they cannot find her teeth. Before she reaches the car the receptionist runs out and asked her to come back in they may have found them.
So my mom goes in gets her lower plate and within seconds comes out with a full bite. When she is finally settled in her seat she tells me that when she was notified they lost her teeth everyone in the small cramped waiting room chanted," momma lost her teeth" "momma lost her teeth" "momma lost her teeth"When she went back in to get them they were chanting,"momma found her teeth" momma found her teeth" "momma found her teeth" I found it amusing. My mom not so much. She wasn't put off just not in the frame of mind to hold onto humor very long. She thought people were trying to be supportive and or make her smile. I am glad she at least thought that much and the event was dampened by the fact she was so distraught to not have her lower plate. My mom looks very ethnic herself. Once black hair now nearly white peppered with Grey and American Indian bone structure but paler than I.
I was touched and amused at the solidarity of a group of people who tried to make an old lady not feel so bad in a very unorthodox way and very unexpected way.
It's is one of those one in a lifetime occurrences you just need to jot down somewhere or share. So I'm sharing.
Is he doing okay? The poor thing fell while sliding down the handrail? Must've hurt alot.
Totally back to normal. Beaten, bruised and scraped -which is normal for him :lol: He actually has a permanent bump on his head and permanent scar on his knee from so many toddlerhood accidents. But he played soccer and hockey today and is now on the Wii
Totally back to normal. Beaten, bruised and scraped -which is normal for him :lol: He actually has a permanent bump on his head and permanent scar on his knee from so many toddlerhood accidents. But he played soccer and hockey today and is now on the Wii
Glad to hear! hehe... You've got one tough kid.
Skysidhe: Interesting. Frankly, I would be a bit unnerved if the whole office starting chanting like that. Being supportive didn't come in mind, so I'm glad you pointed that out.
weel, sometimes we just take out humor where we can find it especially dealing with moms.
The inch, 6 1/2 has begun his philosophical musings:
Right before bed-- "What was the something that existed before the universe?"
Using 'something' because he didn't have a word for what he didn't know.
The girl at a "comedy show" we were captive audience to: "Papa, I am irritated of this..."
Uhhh, read that with a comma after "girl" ...not getting an Edit button...
Mrs. Nutkin and I were talking about the World Cup the other day and the the inchling asked what that was. We explained that it was a soccer game and that Netherlands was playing Spain.
He said "That must be a huge soccer field."
Now that would make for an interesting game!
From the daughter of some friends of ours:
Girl: Did you know that the ocean is 100 feet deep?!
Mr. Clod: Really? All of it?
Girl: Huh?
Mr. Clod: Is that the deepest it goes, or are just some parts 100 feet deep?
Girl: Well... the part in the back.
As we were driving my 6-yr old G-daughter said: "That was a female tree"
I naively asked "What do you mean ? How do you know ?"
She said: "Because it didn't have any peanuts"
We have another woodchuck this year who is too wary to get into the trap, so I borrowed a friend's rifle to shoot him. The inch is very excited about killing the woodchuck as is his 3 yo sister, the mm. He wants to eat it when we shoot it and make woodchuck burgers. So there has been a lot of talk about eating "The Fatbody" their nickname for the woodchuck.
Yesterday the mm was talking on the phone to her grandma and said, "Daddy didn't kill the Fatbody so he's making pizza instead."
I'm sure grandma had absolutley no idea WTF the mm was talking about but said, "That's nice."
Here's a twofer ...or maybe a threefer....
Yesterday i sent thor to get the Wheelie Bin/trash can from the kerb/curb, and he said "oh dear, it looks like the lid has become disisolated"! I love the sound of malaprop in the morning
Then this afternoon they were watching some cartoon crap or other and I heard something about a Humongous Whore.
Turns out it was a Humungosaur ... then once we'd established that (and Hebe maybe got what i thought I'd heard), the creature exclaimed "oh no, my ball fell off!" at which point all three kids lost it, closely followed by their mother.
Should I lose my mom card for this?
"Why did you tear [the bottom of the sheet from school] off?"
"You're just supposed to sign the bottom part."
"Am I supposed to read the top part?"
"Naaah you don't need to."
"Uhhhh.. yeah, right.... bring it here..."
And what did the top part say??
And what did the top part say??
Yeah, I'm curious too. :D
/I misread that as pop tart/
Oh, it was just a generic "Hi, I'm the PE teacher, here's what we're doing this year, you have to be dressed appropriately for PE, you need a doctor's note to be excused, blah blah blah." Nothing that interesting--sorry!
/I misread that as pop tart/
It said, "You want empty calories... lots of em.... yummmmm just look at that cherry frosting!"
It said, "You want empty calories... lots of em.... yummmmm just look at that cherry frosting!"
Hmm Pop tart letters home here read more like :no spaghetti straps, shorts must go past the fingertips, no obscene words on clothing....
Not a parent thing, but it was funny. We've been watching a documentary about the history of European settlement in Australia. The second episode dealt with Tasmania. Apparently, the whalers and sealers who came to the coast of Tassie were a particularly noxious bunch and kidnapped Aboriginal women for nefarious purposes. Anyway, I'd stopped the DVD just to check that everyone was clear what a whaler and a sealer was as it was fairly key. i.e. Trugannini, the apparently last full blood Tasmanian Aborigine saw her husband to be tossed overboard by these men and then witnessed his hands being cut off so that he would be unable to climb back into the boat. The fact that she negotiated with the British is attributed to seeing not only her fiancee, but also various other members of her family die violently. Anyway, that's preamble...we watched the DVD and the next class, I was checking how much had been retained, so I asked "what was the job of a sealer?" expecting the answer of "to catch seals". The answer that I got was "to take the women." Not sure whether to :eek: OR :lol2:
Oh, it was just a generic "Hi, I'm the PE teacher, here's what we're doing this year, you have to be dressed appropriately for PE, you need a doctor's note to be excused, blah blah blah." Nothing that interesting--sorry!
That's called conditioning. After a couple, you won't bother to ask, then they'll have you. But don't worry, it only works with normal people.;)
Pooka told the girl (4yo) she looks cute, and the reply was, "That's what she said."
Motorcycle weaving passes the car at high speed in heavy traffic. Pete starts the highway safety speech as we have a new driver. Lil' Griff chimes in deadpan, "Maybe he has to stop a wedding."
[youtube]6-2X4txQyfk[/youtube]
3 y.o. free association:
"the bag is full of people guts and the tires don't like it. we bought some cinnamon and took it out and the tigers ate the twigellits. uhoh. sweep this up. throw this thing in the garbage. Toss the witch in the garbage, nice knowing ya. sweep them, sweep them quickly! they're going into the garbage."
what in the hell had you given said 3yo at that point? Acid?
she's naturally creative. Like her father. (whoever that is)
My sister was putting on pants for my nephew this morning in the bedroom when I heard him yell out, "Ow! Don't pinch my wee wee!" I went in to see what happened. She said she hasn't even zipped up the zipper; she was just pulling up his pants and it must've pinched him somewhere.
The other day I heard my nephew yell in the bathroom, "Don't scratch my wee wee!" His mom was bathing him and must've scratched his wee wee while cleaning it. :p:
Maybe all common stuffs you parents with boys out there, but I found it funny. :D
Ah, yes. We've been going through a phase recently. "My privates are long! How do we make them short again?!" He's really not a fan of this occurrence, though I'm sure he'll appreciate it as he gets older.
Hahahahhahahahahahah.....that is just too cute and funny!
Typical chick, laughing at our distress. :p:
Thor is going to be Orion for Halloween this year. Discussing his costume last night, he was telling me all the names of the stars in the constellation, and I said "we could put a beetle on your right shoulder, next to Betelgeuse". "Why?" said Thor. "Because it might be sorta funny?"
Thor gives me a withering look and says "I'm not going for funny" and walks away. :lol:
Thor is going to be Orion for Halloween this year. Discussing his costume last night, he was telling me all the names of the stars in the constellation, and I said "we could put a beetle on your right shoulder, next to Betelgeuse". "Why?" said Thor. "Because it might be sorta funny?"
Thor gives me a withering look and says "I'm not going for funny" and walks away. :lol:
He's maintaining artistic control.
BETELGEUSE! BETELGEUSE! BETELGEUSE!!
Speaking of poop,
When I came in for lunch today inch3 said:
"Daddy, will you talk to me?" (first time he's ever asked that, usually he does most of the talking)
"Sure, but I have to go to the potty first. You can follow me and I'll talk to you when I'm done."
(follows me, opens the door and stands there in the doorway)
inch3: "You need to have a tape measure when you poop."
foot3: "Oh yeah? Why's that?" (WTF and where is this going?)
inch3: "Because you need to cut wood."
foot3: "Really? I didn't know that."
So there you have it. Are we aptly named or what?
Ok Four years later and I just got it. He was referring to "Dropping logs"
So he really meant you need a chainsaw.;)
My 4yo daughter, at the dinner table, apropos to nothing: “I’m having fun being a white person!”
My 6-yr old G-daughter phoned to say "I have phlegm on my uvula"
mm (3yo) watching ballet:That guy should button his front.
me: I don't think he has buttons on his shirt.
mm: Then he should buy some and sew them on his self.
Today, IKEA:
"That young one appears to have separation anxiety."
Thor, aged 9, re screaming toddler.
The inch took a photo of a page from his airplane book of a P51 mustang and told me he was going to show the (sepia toned) photo on his camera to his friends and tell them he really saw the airplane and took a picture of it.
...I must add that Thor's comment came shortly after we eventualy found him exhibiting absolutely no anxiety about being separated from us, although he claims otherwise and we were about to get the store to go to lockdown......
The inch took a photo of a page from his airplane book of a P51 mustang and told me he was going to show the (sepia toned) photo on his camera to his friends and tell them he really saw the airplane and took a picture of it.
Of course you told him that would be dishonest, and gave him tips on making it more realistic. :haha:
we were about to get the store to go to lockdown......
That's the worst. But at least he wasn't a toddler actively trying to hide from you.
Been there done that. Several times. All with Thor. :lol:
So I've made these "musical education" compilations to play in the van, so my kids will be exposed to important music. Sometimes I'll quiz them to see if they can identify a genre, like reggae. Every time I ask the girl (4yo) if she likes jazz, she says "I like the movie jazz."
I couldn't figure out what she was talking about, so finally I asked her about the movie jazz.
She said, "We watched it on bacation." Okay.
"What happens in the movie jazz?"
"Well, the man opens him up to see what is inside him."
"You mean, what is inside a man?"
"No, what is inside jazz."
"Do you mean the movie JAWS?"
[SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"]On vacation in Florida we watched all aquatic-themed movies, including JAWS.[/COLOR][/SIZE]
OOOH I know pick me!
Sountracks!
"No, what is inside jazz."
"Do you mean the movie JAWS?"
[YOUTUBE]wgYgl4OodeY[/YOUTUBE]
Out of nowhere yesterday, Minifob informed me, "I'm drinking this water so that it will come out of my privates."
I agreed that was a good plan.
"Vaginas are not actions. Vaginas are people. People who attack other people."
the mm, age three and a half.
My mistake, she said "Vaginas are not PLACES..."
That should clarify it. NOT.
No, she meant vaginas, I think she just likes the sound of the word and its effect on mom. Combined with penis buttfeena stink butt it's a real crowd pleaser.
The vagina-as-people thing though was her first attempt at describing the nature of the beast, to borrow a phrase.
Out of nowhere yesterday, Minifob informed me, "I'm drinking this water so that it will come out of my privates."
I agreed that was a good plan.
"Vaginas are not actions. Vaginas are people. People who attack other people."
the mm, age three and a half.
:lol2:
Kids are so funny, especially smart kids!
"Dad, you should get out of bed because it will release your brain juices."
Perhaps that explains the sloshing sound.
The mm singing softly while playing with her dolls:
"A poop head full of pees
a buttcrack full of butts
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas"
I hear it to the tune of the farmer in the dell, but it's missing one final buttcrack full of vaginas line... or that could just be me.
adorable!
We were waiting at the airport for Dazza to get back from another business trip last night, and the big boys were mucking about pretending to be ninjas or something.
Many of you will know that my big boys are half Samoan, and after a summer in the sun, they've got quite a dark tan, so there's no mistaking their racial heritage.
Anyway, Aden starts to get himself set up to launch an attack on Mav, and Mav squares up and say, "give it your best shot Blackie Chan!"
The mm, three and a half, asked, "Why do all the guys that want to eat mouses always make mouse sandwiches?"
"Mommy, what's wrong?"
"I'm just tired, sweetie."
"You are tired because you are too big."
"...Sure."
"I will shrink you little, and you will wake up like me."
Minifob's full of gems these days:
"You're folding that laundry like meat."
"How do you fold meat?"
"Just like that!"
Can't argue with his logic.
"I'm an Athlete, not a Spectator"
Hebe, aged 13, at her brother's really exciting hockey game, immediately after I had spent the whole weekend watching swim meets to see her swim one race each day at a pool 80 minutes away.......
"If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter."
a friend's 5 yr old:
"I'm trying to have a good day, Mommy, but you keep ruining it with your mouth!"
a friend's 5 yr old:
"I'm trying to have a good day, Mommy, but you keep ruining it with your mouth!"
Oh my! :lol:
"If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter."
i;m an athlete. can you support me?
[SIZE="1"]i doubt it lmao[/SIZE]
i;m an athlete. can you support me?
[SIZE="1"]i doubt it lmao[/SIZE]
you have the mark of high maintenance.....
Mini me, her step-dad and I are coming home from visiting my parents and grandparents on Christmas Day. It is raining and the temp is dropping and my mom calls me to see if we made it home ok. As I am talking to her about the ever-interesting day to day of Mini me, I tell her that Mini me is full of shit. From the backseat of the car, where I think Mini me is sleeping, I hear, "No, Mom, you're full of shit!" Then I hear her slap her hand over her mouth. My mom hears this and starts to giggle, as did my husband. I had to hand the phone to him and try to drive and laugh at the same time. When my hysterics were over, I told her if I heard that word again, she would get her mouth washed out with soap.
Today Minifob inadvertently made a perfect troll face.
Wow. He's gotten so big. So not mini. Eerily troll like too.
My youngest niece yesterday, at mom and dad's, sing-songing "I want some Peeps, I want some Peeps." Mom said "you're not asking, you're demanding!" Niece shrugged nonchalantly "I was just singing a song about Peeps."
Then I showed them what a Peep does in the microwave.
...and let that be a lesson to you!
Beest just reported a big funny from Thor ...but i'mm'a let him finish.....
The towel rail in the downstairs bathroom was a bit loose, so I put some glue on it, which sets in about 5 minutes, but doesn't reach full strength for 24 hours, so I put a fairly big 'Do Not Touch' sign on it .
The next day Thor emerges from said bathroom..
"Daddy why is there a do not touch sign on the towel rail in the bathroom, cause I was going to touch it to see why, but then I thought I might get into big trouble and sent to bed or something, and I haven't had dinner yet so then I get sent to bed hungry, so I didn't"
This is a landmark moment, actions, consequences, forethought and restraint and he's only 9, maybe he might make it to 10.
:lol: Although I'm surprised he didn't say "beaten with a rusty stick until I'm bloody and half dead" or something. I mean, how many times has he actually been sent to bed without dinner? Someone's going to call the child protection peeps one day.
You should tell him he's lucky: there was a hidden camera and if he'd so much as lay a finger on that towel rack he wouldn't have eaten for a week.
You reminded me of a story a friend told once: his kids were bouncing on the beds and he told them to stop and one boy said "why?" and the other one sighed and jumped off and said "don't ask, he probably knows someone who died doing this."
The towel rail in the downstairs bathroom was a bit loose, so I put some glue on it, which sets in about 5 minutes, but doesn't reach full strength for 24 hours, so I put a fairly big 'Do Not Touch' sign on it .
The next day Thor emerges from said bathroom..
"Daddy why is there a do not touch sign on the towel rail in the bathroom, cause I was going to touch it to see why, but then I thought I might get into big trouble and sent to bed or something, and I haven't had dinner yet so then I get sent to bed hungry, so I didn't"
This is a landmark moment, actions, consequences, forethought and restraint and he's only 9, maybe he might make it to 10.
Bravo Thor!
Beest, you're justifiably proud.
It was warm today and squash bugs appeared all over the south side of the house. The mm, nearly 4, saw them and started shouting to her brother,
"Inch, Inch, effingbugs! lets kill them. Look at all the effingbugs, here's some more effings over here..."
This went on for quite a while in front of my neighbor who kept trying not to laugh.
She says it in one word, like "ladybug" not an adjective and noun: Effing Bugs.
Later she asked why they are called "Effingbugs"
because they are EffingBugs !!!
Lil Griff rick-rolled her theology teacher using his anonymous "questions too embarrassing to ask" box. "Will God ever give me up? Will he ever let me down? Will he ever turn around and desert me? Will he ever tell a lie? Will he ever say goodbye?" He read the whole thing plus a good portion of the Safety Dance. :sweat:
Thats Out standing griff !!!
lil Griff Rocks and rickRolls
Good friend's ~3 yo daughter, upon hearing that Grandad had done something or other, and she heard someone say "Well, why in the world did he do that?", said:
He done lost his damn mind!
Good friend says this
all the time about
everybody. It's biting him in the ass now.
Gravdigr, that is funny to me, prolly embarrassing to your good friend... very funny.
THAT is having children at its finest! They are an honest reflection.
mm said the other day:
"Helicopters have their wings on their heads not on their noses."
The Inch: "You better show that to dad, it's seriously infected. You see that? That's a house of bacteria. You have to show that to dad."
The MM: "Dad, I have a house of bacteria."
Minifob: (pretending his toy is a bee) "And it will sting you again and again!"
Stepson: "Actually, when a bee stings you, it dies. It can never sting you again."
Minifob: "No this bee doesn't die. It will come back to life again and again and sting you again and again... It will be a zomblebee."
Zomblebee III: Hive of the Undead!
That has to become a recognized word... zomblebee...awesome.
M fell over on her way into school this morning.
There were a couple of tears, but not many, despite it being quite a large graze. No blood - and that is what tend to trigger the tears. That and shock.
Mum thinks the lack of upset was because they were so close to school. M told Mum that she would go in and see the Doctor. Mrs B is not just a Teacher, she is a Doctor. Not a Doctor who works in a hospital, but a special Doctor who works in a school.
This is lovely, because Mrs B is actually a Classroom Assistant with a certificate in First Aid.
It shows 1. how important we are to children of this age and 2. how much faith they put in Mrs B.
I've menaced SonofV this week with threats of zomblebees. It is humorously effective.
Can't quite distinguish their voices from not-undead (living dead? argh.) bees. "Bzzzzzzzzzzzz". Yeah.. not gettin it.
I was sitting here looking at The Cellar, and Max came and sat next to me and said, "I see dolphin", to which I of course responded, "No, it's a shark". What makes it funny is that I wasn't even looking at a thread with images.
Poor Max is going to grow up confused about the whole shark/dolphin difference. This could have ... consequences.
I was scratching my nephew's back for him. He pulled his shirt up and told me to scratch inside. He looked in the mirror and saw his nipple. He went, "Huh?" Put his finger on his nipple and said, "Flea mountain." I was like, "Flea mountain?" He replied, "Yes, flea climbs on mountain." I was cracking up inside but tried not show it. Should I have told him it's called a nipple? Frankly, I got no idea where he got that term. :p:
I was sitting here looking at The Cellar, and Max came and sat next to me and said, "I see dolphin", to which I of course responded, "No, it's a shark". What makes it funny is that I wasn't even looking at a thread with images.
Have Max and Coco (the dog) had any fun interactions recently?
Cleo? They're always doing something silly. lol When he's outside, she follows around after him all the time. One of the phrases I hear very often is, "Go way Cleo!" Max pronounces it key-o though. He's not to good with L sounds just yet. It's pretty funny because it's often accompanied by a shove from him, but she's so tall he can't even see over her back now.
:) That is so cute.
What happens when Cleo is otherwise occupied? Does Max then go and see what she's up to?
She's never otherwise occupied when he's outside. ;)
Last night, a kitten accompanied me along the street from the bus-stop for about 3 houses. I thought it was going to follow me home, but it must have jumped through the fence into one of the yards.
At the doctor's office, trying to entertain Minifob with the only book on hand: oversized, full-color anatomy diagrams. So we're looking at the page about the urinary system, and I'm explaining how his juice goes into his stomach and through his kidneys, etc. and comes out as pee-pee. The diagram included some blood vessels as well, and down the middle of the picture were the major artery and vein of the abdomen, color-coded red and blue as usual.
Minifob yells out, "Oh! I know! And this tube is for the hot pee-pee, and this one is for the cold pee-pee!"
That's great Clod - You just can't script that stuff.
I've been wavering on posting this story, but it's just so funny.
My nieces cousin took two of the girls shopping. Dr Cuz just got her MD. She is pretty and young. I hate her. Just kidding, she's great. She was getting a dress for a function and the girls were running dresses back and forth to the dressing room.
The just turned 6 year old said, in I imagine a stage whisper, "L....you need to pull your underwear out of your butt!" L replies that they're supposed to be like that. A says "NO, they are IN YOUR BUTT!" L replies that it's a thong and that's how they're supposed to be.
A says "Well...that's just gross!"
HA! My girl!
:lol2: Thanks for posting the story.
Imagine what she was thinking--the full amount of fabric she's used to seeing on underwear, but all crammed up in there. Awesome story, infi.
Overheard teenager: that's dis-gross-ting!
:lol:
And that's how the English language change. :p:
Speaking of which, the previous posts made me think about underwear. I mean the word.
Think of tableware, hardware, wares in general. I wonder if it used to be underware and but people wrote underwear because you wear it, and the error gradually stuck.
"Snap his arm or something!"
Hector, getting very invlved in a James Bond fight.
That needs to be on a t shirt or something.
Went up to Tiger's new class for two afternoons this week.
On Tuesday they were assigned their working groups; all from the Winnie the Pooh books.
Now there's a scene in Hot Fuzz (bear with me) where on of the Andys giggles childishly everytime the word "skidmarks" is mentioned in an accident report. It sets me off and I do the same thing.
Unfirtunately, Tiger doesn't seem to have come across Winnie the Pooh before. He looked at me and laughed every time Mrs M said the word Pooh. And especially when she said Pooh Bear. First time it was just a little boy's humour and I shook my head at him, gently. But as it went on and I just knew he was hearing Poo, I struggled to maintain composure.
For him it was just like having work groups called Bum, Fart and Willy.
And that is pretty funny.
Thor will never says things simply.
Today: yes, [the Webkinz bat will open the treetop rooms] because the bat's primary form of locomotion is flight.
:lol:
If I had a child, I'd want one just like this one right here:
I gave the mm a raspberry on her back last night and she said "Cut it out." So I then gave one of her cuddlies a raspberry and she said "Stop it. You're evil, he doesn't like that either, nor her." Pointing to another cuddly.
This a four year old. Nor her?
maybe she meant "gnaw her"? A diversionary tactic to keep you from the stuffies she likes?
The subject of this story is now 15… .perhaps I should tell him of it soon but it happened.. he said this when he was about 5…
My wife gave his mum some little floral scented sachets…. You know the nasty things… They smell of Roses, Lavender, Thyme, etc…
Well as they lived near a housing estate with streets named after Lavender, thyme, etc this little boy picked them up one by one and said this is like the street(rue) Lavender, and this one is the street Thyme and as he got to the last one he said this must smell like… and just gave the name of his street.
They live (then and now) on “Chemin de Poussy”
And yes you pronounce Poussy pretty much like you think.
My wife, our friend and myself just spit laughing.
I gave the mm a raspberry on her back last night and she said "Cut it out." So I then gave one of her cuddlies a raspberry and she said "Stop it. You're evil, he doesn't like that either, nor her." Pointing to another cuddly.
This a four year old. Nor her?
I'm guessing that you read to the mm on a regular basis. If so, good for you.
Most of language acquisition happens between the threes - from three years old to third grade. A lot of research is showing that reading and writing isn't really taught. It's absorbed between the threes.
Verbatim from the 13-year-old stepdaughter:
Her: I'm very stubborn.
Dad: Uh... not really, honey.
Her: Yeah, I guess not. It's pretty easy for people to talk me into stuff.
Yeah, we read a lot to them and my favorite book is the Third Edition of Roget's Thesaurus, so i guess it rubs off. The new Thesauruses have been dumbed down, defeating the whole purpose of them.
Verbatim from the 13-year-old stepdaughter:
Her: I'm very stubborn.
Dad: Uh... not really, honey.
Her: Yeah, I guess not. It's pretty easy for people to talk me into stuff.
That is very funny.
<snip>The new Thesauruses have been dumbed down, defeating the whole purpose of them.
They're called Roget's Embasaurus, and shelved with books on the Early Cretaceous period.
Verbatim from the 13-year-old stepdaughter:
Her: I'm very stubborn.
Dad: Uh... not really, honey.
Her: Yeah, I guess not. It's pretty easy for people to talk me into stuff.
From the 18 year old lass I had been treating for heatstroke in a first aid tent at a festival (honest), and who had been incoherent and uncertain of anything, but had now recovered:
Me: are you usually indecisive?
Her: [looks left] Yes. [looks right] No. [looks at me] Maybe. [Giggles].
Both: LMAO
SonofV from the recliner in the front room:
"Uh oh. I have to fart and I don't know which way to lean."
I love sons.
Tell him: push hard, try for lift-off.
Thor (9): I'm breaking sticks with my hands as I walk along because this is something I can do to keep them busy without annoying other people"
Thor; [more of the same]
Me: It's Ok, that's good, whatever you need to deal with your ADHD...
Thor: I do not have ADHD. Oh hi kitty (to a tailless cat spooked by us walking by)
Beest, Hebe and I took a good 5 minutes to stop laughing.
Thor: I do not have ADHD. Oh hi kitty
HA !!!
Tell him: push hard, try for lift-off.
Made be wheeze/laugh a la Muttley
As I walked by I heard the mm: "...and this is the family, and here is their pet; a loathsome beast..."
"a loathsome beast" --funny
yes, funny. say.. her finger was on a picture of the pet, no? not... someone else, right?
There were no pictures, just little Duplo blocks and creatures
Me: Please stop making that noise.
Minifob: Why do I need to stop making that noise?
Me: Because it hurts my ears.
Minifob: Actually, it's because it's annoying.
Me: Well okay, I guess it's that too.
Minifob: That's not a very nice thing to say, you know.
Wow, you just got had.
Which does indicate pretty god theory of mind on minifob's part.
Me: Please stop making that noise.
Minifob: Why do I need to stop making that noise?
Me: Because it hurts my ears.
Minifob: Actually, it's because it's annoying.
Me: Well okay, I guess it's that too.
Minifob: That's not a very nice thing to say, you know.
Did you just switch your child with mine?
tha's funny/embarrassing but sooo smart!
Ha Ha Ha.
I'm not sorry about ur ears
We're watching our friend's 2 1/2 year old today and Mrs. Foot is reading him a book about trains.
Every answer to every question is followed by Why? I had forgotten about that.
I'm in the next room LMAO.
You guys ever wonder about gingerstar61, and what she's doing these days? This has got to be the longest-running newb thread ever.
i thought I had posted a bunch of stuff in it... then after i got to a certain point, i searched and realized i had started a different thread on the same topic.
Inch: Sing the song about the guy who rescues the deer.
F3: ???
Inch: You know, it starts about the night, it's the one Mrs. H taught you to sing.
F3: Do you mean, "O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear saviour's birth..."
That one?
Inch: Yeah. Sing that one.
A kid in my kindergarten class today was trying to draw a lady stick figure. He made it pretty tall and disfigured then turned to me and said "She's tall for a lady, that's because she's really a man!"
Tonight I started to read this thread from the beginning.
I never realized that Bullitt was so young.
So I picked Thor up and slung him over my shoulder, fireman's lift style, then started to slowly drop him to the floor. "No, no" he screamed, as he saw the floor coming towards him, knowing that he was still safe and I would stop just before he hit it as I have done everytime before ....but then he started pushing away from me. "no, no" he screamed again "You might fart!" So then I did drop him :D
It's that intermittent reinforcement that gets them every time. Or will it?
Inch: Sing the song about the guy who rescues the deer.
F3: ???
Inch: You know, it starts about the night, it's the one Mrs. H taught you to sing.
F3: Do you mean, "O holy night, the stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear saviour's birth..."
That one?
Inch: Yeah. Sing that one.
Does he understand that YOU are the one the deer need saving from? :D
i was playing unreal with my 5 years old [xwife's] son on my lap. in the game i just got killed which meant we got a close up view of whoever got the last shot, and it was a female. "i like her" he said. "why do you like her?" i asked curiously. "i like her boobies".
child honesty is awesome.
Isn't that an M rated game?
Look, this isn't my kid. But I do find what she says amazing, this little girl is made of amazing. Not a perfect thread fit, but good enough. Reminds me of Jessica's Affirmation.
Riley on Marketing.
[YOUTUBE]-CU040Hqbas[/YOUTUBE]
Thor: I'd throttle you if I knew what throttling was!
Isn't that an M rated game?
i don't see your point.
makes it not funny. 5yo shouldn't be watching that.
makes it not funny. 5yo shouldn't be watching that.
joy kill aren't you?
honestly that's one area where i actually agreed with my xwife - if your the kind of parent who relies on the rating system your basically blocking harmless stuff while allowing harmful stuff. know your children's media and make calculated decisions.
sitting on my lap with my his uncle on VOIP while we play unreal teaches him more about teamwork then violence. but cartoons showing him violence that doesn't cause blood or pain? now that's where you need to stop, breath and think... and put on blue's clues instead.
I looked at the game graphics before I commented. It is not appropriate for a 5yo imo -and I'm generally quite laid back about these things. I don't rely on rating systems either -that was my polite way of calling you on bad parenting. Team-work demo? Bullshit. You just wanted to be doing your own adult thing instead of looking out for and appropriately entertaining the child in your care. Most 5yos are barely noticing boobies beyond seeing them being used to feed younger siblings -what else have you exposed him to? Porn? It's not funny, it's borderline child abuse. No wonder your wife kicked you out.
My sister commented how my nephew has too much facial features from his mom's side of the family. She added, "And people call him good looking." My nephew, looking down at his lego toy, said, "I think I'm kind of good-looking." :lol:
I looked at the game graphics before I commented. It is not appropriate for a 5yo imo -and I'm generally quite laid back about these things. I don't rely on rating systems either -that was my polite way of calling you on bad parenting. Team-work demo? Bullshit. You just wanted to be doing your own adult thing instead of looking out for and appropriately entertaining the child in your care. Most 5yos are barely noticing boobies beyond seeing them being used to feed younger siblings -what else have you exposed him to? Porn? It's not funny, it's borderline child abuse. No wonder your wife kicked you out.
she actually used to do the same thing with the same games, so not really the reason.
as far as the graphics, your protecting your child from redicules things: blood? he has it. imaginery shooting? he plays it with his school friends. but if you ask him if something is pretend or not he'll tell you with a very good acuracy. the reason he doesnt like to do violence is that we've made him aware it hurts people and that they have the same sensations as he does - i've seen him preach it to his play dates. that's good parenting. sheltering him for the sake of it without thought for consequances? not so much.
as far as both he and me where concerned, him sitting on my lap while shouting duck, hide, go there, use the green gun? that's an extra element of quality time. it doesnt come instead of creative playtime or going outside or reading stories, but it is something that we liked to do once in awhile. when it happened usually it was minecraft or portal, but yes, sometimes it was unreal.
"But, Sir, She did it first!"
Hebe (before her "let's all try each other's dresses and shoes on" 14th birthday slumber party):
I think I have more dresses than the others because they only have formal dresses and I have casual and summer too.
me: well, how many do you have?
Hebe (kinda sheepish): 25.
lmfao........ my fault -when they're 50c at the local thrift store and her size/style....... but 25? :lol:
"Son of a Turkey!"
Hector, right now, playing a video game.
art linkletter is rolling in his grave
"Son of a Turkey!"
Hector, right now, playing a video game.
I don't know where he learnt such fowl language.
Ba dum Tishhh.
"Son of a Turkey!"
Hector, right now, playing a video game.
:lol2:
Tell him he can save time by hollering "Jake!" instead.
A jake is a young male turkey.
Then what do you call an old male turkey?
From the five year old who says, "Nor shall I..."
"I want to wear my camouflage shirt." (She hasn't got a camo shirt. Five minutes later she appears wearing her tie-dye shirt. Hippie camouflage, I suppose.)
"The red pigeon-looking bird is in our yard." (Cardinal) "I call cardinals red pigeons because they look like pigeons."
I'd be following them around with the video camera trolling for gems like this. So cute!
Then what do you call an old male turkey?
Classicman?
[COLOR="Silver"]You call an old (mature) male turkey a 'tom'.[/COLOR]
This morning Dazza was getting dressed and Max was hanging about. All of a sudden he pops up and says to me, "Daddy has a little doodle, and I have a BIG doodle."
All I could do was laugh while Max just kept going on about it, and Dazza was half laughing and half telling him to shut up about it.
AND he catches bigger fish!
Yes, they're just heading off to fishing now.
Also, apparently Aden has a little doodle too. Max just said so.
I sense a theme developing.
Minifob said something similar a few months back. "Daddy's privates will never be as long as mine!"
I sense a meme developing.
I sense a peen developing.
Well Max has just turned three. He's obsessed with his doodle. I'm sick of the sight of it to be honest. And telling him to take his hands off it. And telling him I don't want to see it.
The list goes on.
It never stops you know.
Yesterday I gave my daughter, a nineteen year-old, a list of stuff I wanted her to do for me. "You should be nicer to me," she said, "remember that it's me who'll choose the home you get put into."
Nice.
You know, I've said pretty much those same words to my father. Pretty recently. He's 64, but pretty fit and healthy, so not much chance of anything happening too soon, but still. lol
Being the mother of two teenage sons and having a husband, I'm aware of the penis fascination, but I think Max is the worst I've ever seen. He's certainly worse than the other two boys ever were.
And telling him to take his hands off it.
OMG yes.
"But I'm not pointing it at you, so it's okay."
"No, it's never okay in front of other people. You have to be by yourself, no one else in the room."
"I will close my eyes, then no one else will be here."
"No!"
"I will close my eyes, then no one else will be here."
Kinda defeats the purpose, no?
lol @ minifob.
There is a theory that the more testosterone a woman's womb is subjected to, the more it reacts against it. Hence younger sons being obliged to go into the Church.
Uh-huh.
Max is gay.
He'll be doodle obsessed for life.
What about Ali's next one, then :eek:!
There is a theory that the more testosterone a woman's womb is subjected to, the more it reacts against it. Hence younger sons being obliged to go into the Church.
Uh-huh.
Max is gay.
He'll be doodle obsessed for life.
I believe there was something on '60 Minutes' about this. They do not know why, but statistically the more boys a woman has, the newest boy has a much larger tendency to be gay than the previous - something I like to mention to my Dad who was the third boy born to Grandma.
"I will close my eyes, then no one else will be here."
Damn postmodernists. :lol:
I will close my eyes and think of England.
It never stops you know.
Yesterday I gave my daughter, a nineteen year-old, a list of stuff I wanted her to do for me. "You should be nicer to me," she said, "remember that it's me who'll choose the home you get put into."
Nice.
When momwolf would get cranky I would just look at her and say, "Mother, need I remind you that I know every single bad nursing home in the county?" For humorous effect, I would often say this in front of people, usually nurses who were trying to do something that she was refusing.
(calling momwolf "mother" was my equivalent for her using my first, middle, and last name at the beginning of a comment)
(calling momwolf "mother" was my equivalent for her using my first, middle, and last name at the beginning of a comment)
:eek:
This morning I sat down at the breakfast table and discovered that there was honey all over the chair as my newly washed jeans stuck in place when I tried to shift position.
I got up and said in a semi loud voice, “I am not happy.” Of course, I immediately thought of the joke about the guy who rear-ends a midget and I told it to the wife and kids while they were eating breakfast.
Me: My (imaginary) friend, Jim Helm, was driving his car to work and he rear-ended a guy. They guy stops his car, gets out and Jim sees that the guy is a dwarf. The guy marches up to Jim’s car, looking furious. Enraged, he shouts “I AM NOT HAPPY.” Jim looks at him and asks, “OK, then which one are you?”
Wife: (Mostly to the children as she knows I am a lost cause) We shouldn’t mock the afflicted. It isn’t easy to be a dwarf.
Me: (Thinking) Oh I don’t know, I bet it comes naturally to them…
I can see the wheels turning in son’s head, but still no light coming on.
Wife: In the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves the dwarves all have names, one of them is named Happy, at least in the Disney version.
Me: They had names like, Happy, Goofy, Sneezey, Sleepy, Grumpy…
Daughter: (helpfully) Maybe then the one your friend hit was Grumpy.
Ha! Your kids have your sense of humor. BRAVO!
It's true, though the daughter is still young enough that she thought it really happened and that the dwarf must have been Grumpy.
Ahhh, but that's a clever mind at work. My youngest niece is (of course) getting older but her responses, while innocent enough, were indicative of the great sense of humor that was to come. She might not have known exactly why it was the perfect response, but the perfect response it was! :)
I thought it was interesting to hear my son, when he was about 3, refer to a black/African American person in his preschool as having a "chocolate face".
It makes sense, since "black" is literally incorrect, since nobody is that color, and for some reason he did not associate "brown", he used chocolate. At first I thought "Is that offensive"? and then thought "this is actually quite a pleasant term. Everyone loves chocolate".
He also referred to C3PO as "that belly-button guy" back then.
Yeah, tha's nice and all... No jokes about "your sweet ass" or "stick with me, honey" or "tickle him now while he can't move!"?
Lil Griff was sitting in with some pro-musicians for a production of Godspell. One of her guy friends made a crack about the atheist kid bringing some needed ironic drumming to the show giving Satan a leg up. The band director, who is beloved by all the kids, was on bass and misheard the remark as erotic drumming and playfully smacked the kid in the head. Lil Griff's friends are now calling her the erotic drummer.
Erotic drummer? Does she have a sex cymbal?
Minifobette's been watching this video on Sesame Street about things that float in water. Cookie monster yells, "WOOD FLOATS!" or "ROCK SINKS!" etc.
Today, she's in the bathroom and suddenly she yells, in her best Cookie Monster voice, "OH! POOP SINKS!"
Depends how fatty it is.....
Griff, Clodfobble, those are great stories! Kids! They say the darndest things!
"When the double yellow lines in the road split up like that, it reminds me of DNA replication"
Ha! Which future biologist said that?
Mav walks into the house and Aden calls out from his room, "Oi Mav, did you see an ugly kid with brown hair wearing blue boardies while you were out?", Mav replies, "You mean besides me?", as he stands there in blue boardies with his brown hair.
They're quick witted, aren't they? haaaahahahha!
They are very funny at times. :)
My orchestra teacher used to tell us, "Yes, you're very funny... but looks aren't everything."
haha...I'm going to remember that one Clod. I'm sure I'll be able to use it today even. I'm taking the kids to the beach, so there's bound to be idiocy involved. :)
"When the double yellow lines in the road split up like that, it reminds me of DNA replication"
Wait till she sees this.:lol:
Dude, she's 14, and kinda dating. We're still worried about the "Hotter Otters" thing.
She's not dating the Hotter Otters Guy. He wanted to last year, but she was all "ew that'd be like dating my brother". Swimmers kinda don't date each other so much -I suspect because swimsuits hide nothing so they have to act more like family to preserve their dignity/sanity
Mum-isms.
- "You will eat today, won't you? I don't want you fainting on me tonight!"
- "Don't worry, I'll eat. Erm... I've never fainted in my life..."
- "Well you know, cold night, no food, long walk."
Does she really think I never eat?
And it's going to be 13 degrees tonight. Hardly Arctic conditions.
Still, I assume it all comes from a place of love. That and me not embarrassing her with my fainting behaviour :lol:
lol...so you can wear your purple petti?
Addi..."Tyler said the F word! Can I tell you it? I know its bad, but can I tell you?"
Me..."Just this once"
Addi....eyes real big...."SHIT!"
lol...so you can wear your purple petti?
I didn't in the end because it was raining right up until we left. I was glad I chose not to - I wore a standard pink skirt and the bottom was liberally splashed with mud and scratched by bushes.
The petti deserves better treatment - especially on its virgin voyage.
Am hoping to wear it to add a gothic touch under my black skirt when I go out with colleagues in August. No-one will have seen anythig like it :)
You totally should have mock fainted.
Addi needs to pay more attention at school. lol
Me: (Muttering in the kitchen) What is the world coming to?
mm: (From the dining room) Daddy, worlds have always been that way.
Swimmer Girl: I love the smell of laundry detergent, is that weird?
Me: Not really, you're supposed to like it otherwise what's the point?
Swimmer Girl: It's really good
Me: Wait, that's a whites load -that's bleach you can smell. Chlorine......
paraphrasing a conversation from this morning
:lol:
I love the smell of chlorine in the morning...
That was on our team shirts this summer :)
A year and a half ago, Minifob took a few months of piano lessons. But he got bored with it, and I ain't no stage mom, so I let him stop. (Plus, the teacher sucked anyway.) Recently he's been making noise about wanting to learn another instrument. So we're talking in the car about all the different instruments he could choose--viola, trumpet, saxophone, etc. And he declares to me that he will learn to play all of them, but he'll start with the easiest ones, and move up to the hardest ones as he gets better.
"So first was piano, because that's the easiest. And the second easiest is guitar, so I'll do that next... But drums will have to be last, because they're the very hardest of all."
(However flawed his reasoning may be, I'm happy with drums being dead last.)
Don't tell mini but Lil Griff says drums are easiest!
Don't tell Flint either. ;)
I don't know why, but guitarists and other truly skilled musicians have told me that they 'don't understand how' a drummer can do what they do. Whereas I think the manual dexterity guitarists are using is truly baffling, I believe the part of drumming perceived as 'hard' is the coordination of all four limbs.
But they are using ten fingers--more than twice as much coordination!
to me drums seem hardest because it's so hard to imagine the song you're drumming without the rest of the music. Also hard to keep in time for extended periods. As a guitarist, I rely on the drummer.
i can beat the tar out of a conga... i can even stay in time for a little while by myself doing that basic bass snare, bass cymbal thing that you learn first.... but then i get tripped up, or lose the tempo. I suppose it's a matter of teaching your muscles. When I do a G Chord, I just think "G" and my left hand does it. I don't think "middle finger to the 6th string 3rd fret, first finger to the 5th string 2nd fret, pinky to the 1st string 3rd fret."
you can probably just think 4-4 or whatever you call your things and your body does it.
like driving a car.
...you can probably just think 4-4 or whatever you call your things and your body does it.
like driving a car.
...or, thinking a word at the keyboard and your fingers type it.
(Of course, that's just among the generations before the iPad !)
I don't know why, but guitarists and other truly skilled musicians have told me that they 'don't understand how' a drummer can do what they do. Whereas I think the manual dexterity guitarists are using is truly baffling, I believe the part of drumming perceived as 'hard' is the coordination of all four limbs.
But they are using ten fingers--more than twice as much coordination!
That's pretty much how lil' griff describes the different skill sets as well. Clod, you may think you don't want that sound in your house but when your teenage girl comes home pissed at the world and hammers out Toxicity in the basement leaving her mood behind, you appreciate the percussion.
...
Clod, you may think you don't want that sound in your house but when your teenage girl comes home pissed at the world and hammers out Toxicity in the basement leaving her mood behind, you appreciate the percussion.
Ask Pooka, this is very effective. Some days I come home and go straight for the drums, 15 minutes later I come out, dripping sweat, but perfectly calm. There has been a horrific cacophony of intensely subdivided notes--all four limbs in high gear. And right before this happens, my neighbor has seen a spectacled, gray-haired, professor-type in a cardigan sweater quietly stepping out of his little Honda and going in the house.
It's either this, or murder people.
And I agree, Toxicity is great for this purpose.
For advanced stress relief, something like
Fire and Flames. And then you're getting a cardio workout, also.
Most musical instruments can be mastered technically by study and practice, but with drums, if you don't feel it, don't have that groove in your gut, you'll never be great.
The Millimeter, aged 5 1/2 talking about a playgroup friend:
“He’s pretty dumb for his age.”
Me: “Why do you think that is?”
“Because he’s dumb and he’s six. Six year olds are wise at that age.”
That age!
My slightly older niece, talking about some CCD event, after I told her it sounded like fun (but I didn't mean it)...says, not brattily or anything...just resignedly and quietly to me: It's NOT fun. We just sit there and look at books that say "Jesus said 'do this.'"
My youngest niece had her first confession. I said "Oh NO, did you have to tell him about the hobo you killed?"
And all three girls laughed and laughed. Hobo humor, they haz it.
:D
Of course they laughed. There's no penance for hobo killin'!
This one is funny, to SonofV. This same one is kind of embarrassing to me, but also very gratifying as a demonstration of his feelings. Twil and I came home from the grocery store the other day, arms full of bags of food, and Sonof/V was practically hopping up and down to share something with us. In the kitchen is an under counter radio/cd player with an aux input/3.5mm headphone plug. There we are trying to unload the groceries and he says, "You have to see this". So he takes his phone, finds a YouTube video, cues it up, plugs in his phone to the radio and says "check this out, soooo funny!" with the biggest smile on his face.
There we are putting the food away when this video starts to play. Loudly. We couldn't see the screen very well, but upon rewatching/relistening I can tell you the expressions on our faces are well represented on the faces of the actors in this video. But we certainly heard it loud and clear. SonofV was laughing hysterically.
[YOUTUBEWIDE]5K1RcKJVbHA[/YOUTUBEWIDE]
It's funny because he's a high school boy. It's embarrassing because, well, that's not really mixed generation/kitchen radio material--not without some kind of preface or bourbon anyhow. But I do love how it demonstrates how comfortable he is with the three of us. *That* makes me smile.
:D
Of course they laughed. There's no penance for hobo killin'!
You know, I wonder if I should have not introduced them to the world of hobo killin'. Was that wrong?
Are hobos sentient? I always thought they were somewhere South of rabbits but North of Cockroaches.
Kid in my class talking very intently at breakfast: "There's no such thing as magic." 5 second pause. "Except flying reindeer."
Covering all his bases, I see! :)
Lil' Pete may be a nerd. Coming out from under anesthesia for oral surgery today she makes the following appeal transcribed by the Mrs. : "My tongue is trying to kill me. The Starks will take care of it cause its a Lanister, a God Damn Mother Fucking Lanister."
Ahh the innocence of youth.
While my nephew was changing clothes to go to school, my sister saw him tugging on his underwear. She asked him what's wrong, if he peed on his undies, and does he want to change it. He replied, "It's okay. It's already dry." I had to laugh out loud. My sister made him change his underwear. :lol:
Eeiiw. :lol:
My nephew, five and a bit: "Dad, do dinosaurs have epiglottises?"
That's really sad; he's five and no one's told him that dinosaurs are extinct. It's going to be worse the longer you wait to tell him.
Worse, they've promised him a torosaur for Christmas.
Like he'd actually walk it after two weeks.
Poor thing will go the way of the mastodon.
WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT MY MASTODON???
WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT MY MASTODON???
That Mastodon is a liar!
Anyone who would introduce an innocent mastodon into the terrifying Australian ecosystem needs a visit from the SPCA.
My nephew recently learned the term "dutch oven." The other day as we came into the bedroom, my nephew who was under the blanket by himself farted. He tossed the blanket off and yelled, "I did a dutch oven; I baked myself!"
I don't know why, but I am surprised that you know the term dutch oven. You seem too innocent.
I know what the term means. :D
Is that a Buddhist "know" or a theory know?
How do Buddhists 'know' things? Is this a Biblical 'know'? I'm guessing not.
Maybe an Orthodox ontological 'know'? A contemplative 'know'?
Too many knows. Time to say yes to Drambuie.
Well, in Zen there is the imperative to personally realize enlightenment, not just understand the idea or concept. Verifying for yourself if the water in the glass is cold or hot by drinking it yourself.
Otherwise it is like looking at a picture of a glass of water, it does you no good if you are thirsty.
I understand the necessity of experience - within limits. But it's not necessary to burn yourself on the hot water, is it? Is it permissible to learn from the experience of others?
These are metaphors for enlightenment/realization and in that case, no. Taking someone's word for it is not enough.
Maybe consider an orgasm. Having one is key to being able to speak knowledgeably about them. I wouldn't trust someone's book learned knowledge or second hand description when it came to that.
And no one said the water was burning hot.
I agree that orgasm can't be experienced or learned via books or other people's experience - but orgasm is also intensely individual and not a type of knowledge that's transferable. The experience of hot water is more objective and possibly communicable ... and true, no one said the water was burning. But avoiding painful experiences that could be harmful or fatal justifies some transfer of knowledge at second hand, no?
I agree that orgasm can't be experienced or learned via books or other people's experience - but orgasm is also intensely individual and not a type of knowledge that's transferable. The experience of hot water is more objective and possibly communicable ... and true, no one said the water was burning. But avoiding painful experiences that could be harmful or fatal justifies some transfer of knowledge at second hand, no?
Yes, absolutely. But again, these are metaphors for enlightenment.
There's the relative and the absolute.
Identity of Relative and Absolute
The mind of the Great Sage of India was intimately
conveyed from west to east.
Among human beings are wise ones and fools,
But in the Way there is no northern or southern Patriarch.
The subtle source is clear and bright; the tributary
streams flow through the darkness.
To be attached to things is illusion;
To encounter the absolute is not yet enlightenment.
Each and all, the subjective and objective spheres are related,
and at the same time, independent.
Related, yet working differently, though each keeps its own place.
Form makes the character and appearance different;
Sounds distinguish comfort and discomfort.
The dark makes all words one; the brightness distinguishes good and bad phrases.
The four elements return to their nature as a child to its mother.
Fire is hot, wind moves, water is wet, earth hard.
Eyes see, ears hear, nose smells, tongue tastes the salt and sour.
Each is independent of the other; cause and effect must return to the great reality
Like leaves that come from the same root.
The words high and low are used relatively.
Within light there is darkness, but do not try to understand that darkness;
Within darkness there is light, but do not look for that light.
Light and darkness are a pair, like the foot before
and the foot behind, in walking. Each thing has its own intrinsic value
and is related to everything else in function and position.
Ordinary life fits the absolute as a box ands its lid.
The absolute works together with the relative like two arrows meeting in mid-air.
Reading words you should grasp the great reality. Do not judge by any standards.
If you do not see the Way, you do not see it even as you walk on it.
When you walk the Way, it is not near, it is not far.
If you are deluded, you are mountains and rivers away from it.
I respectfully say to those who wish to be enlightened:
Do not waste your time by night or day.
Should this be in philosophy? :)
A spoon does not know the taste of soup nor a learned fool the taste of wisdom
_Welsh Proverb
Probably stolen from the Fool {Tibetan}
Gautama Buddha Dhammapada Teachings - The Fool
How long the night to the watchman,
How long the road to the weary traveller,
How long the wandering of many lives
To the fool who misses the way.
If the traveller cannot find
Master or friend to go with him,
Let him travel alone
Rather than with a fool for company.
"My children, my wealth!"
So the fool troubles himself.
But how has he children or wealth?
He is not even his own master.
The fool who knows he is a fool
Is that much wiser.
The fool who thinks he is wise
Is a fool indeed.
Does the spoon taste the soup?
A fool may live all his life
In the company of a master
And still miss the way.
The tongue tastes the soup.
If you are awake in the presence of a master
One moment will show you the way.
The fool is his own enemy.
The mischief is his undoing.
How bitterly he suffers!
Why do what you will regret?
Why bring tears upon yourself?
Do only what you do not regret,
And fill yourself with joy.
For a while the fool's mischief
Tastes sweet, sweet as honey.
Bit in the end it turns bitter.
And how bitterly he suffers!
For months the fool may fast,
Eating from the tip of a grass blade.
Still he is not worth a penny
Beside the master whose food is the way.
Fresh milk takes time to sour.
So a fool's mischief
Takes time to catch up with him.
Like the embers of a fire
It smoulders within him.
Whatever a fool learns,
It only makes him duller.
Knowledge cleaves his head.
For then he wants recognition.
A place before other people,
A place over other people.
"Let them know my work,
Let everyone look to me for direction."
Such are his desires,
Such is his swelling pride.
One way leads to wealth and fame,
The other to the end of the way.
Look not for recognition
But follow the awakened
And set yourself free.
People, we are talking about farts here. No need to get so philosophical. :lol:
I'm on my phone so I'm gonna keep it short. We're talking about terms or definitions that can easily be defined by a dictionary, urban or wiki. Or simply explained by someone else. And if you want proof of experience, heck, I have chronic constipation, I'll just secure myself tightly under a blanket and rip a good one. How about that? :D Or maybe do a "buffalo oven." It's a term my nephew came up yesterday because his farts were so toxic that everyone were holding their noses. :lol:
...but orgasm is also intensely individual and not a type of knowledge that's transferable.
I must disagree, as I believe I've successfully transfered that knowledge many times.
I bow to your superior wisdom, Obi-wan! Perhaps I should have spoken of attaining, rather than transferring, that knowledge. ;)
As for buffalo ovens, I defer to those who have first-hand knowledge - because as everyone knows, women don't fart. Lola was speaking theoretically of course.
Foot: I was being humorous. I will be serious later. Been and still busy at the moment. :)
Foot: I was being humorous. I will be serious later. Been and still busy at the moment. :)
I was being humorous too. Ortho got us on the whole seriousness groove, then Nirvana got the ball and ran with it.
Yes, but I seem to recall that you, footy, brought up the very serious subject of orgasms. Which had to be given due consideration ...
I was being humorous too. Ortho got us on the whole seriousness groove, then Nirvana got the ball and ran with it.
Whew! Then I don't have to be serious. I hate thinking. :p
you know what the Buddhist monk said to the hot dog vendor, right?
Umm..... What did he say to the hotdog vendor?
I was gonna say "give me one without onions." :lol: wasn't sure if that would be sinful to say. :p
Lola LOL! les innocent! >love<
Make me one with everything :)
Make me one with everything :)
Right about now I'd be grateful for one with everything :)
I'd be grateful for one with anything. We're still on orgasms right? Or has the topic changed?
sooooooo....I'm guessing you guys are talking about something else? :eyebrow:
[COLOR="Red"]you know what the Buddhist monk said to the hot dog vendor, right?[/COLOR] No, what did he say?
And what the heck are you guys talking about? :frog:
I'd be grateful for one with anything.
Never settle. Insist on only the best. ;)
sooooooo....I'm guessing you guys are talking about something else? :eyebrow:
[COLOR="Red"]you know what the Buddhist monk said to the hot dog vendor, right?[/COLOR] No, what did he say?
And what the heck are you guys talking about? :frog:
Q: What did the Buddhist Monk say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
Four monks were sitting together in the dining hall and one suggested that they all take a vow of silence. They all agreed and began their observance of silence.
After about 20 minutes the first monk said, "It's been nearly twenty minutes and we haven't said anything."
The next monk said "Hush! we're trying to have a vow of silence."
The third monk, annoyed, snarled, "Would you two please keep it down? It's impossible to be silent with you two jabbering on."
The fourth monk, with a smug expression on his face, said "I'm the only one who hasn't said anything yet."
Never settle. Insist on only the best. ;)
I don't agree. Besides, how can you know if you have the best if you've never had anything else? What are you gonna do anyhow? Send it back to the kitchen?
Okay - I admit, on rereading, that feeble attempt at levity backfires. 'The best' is whatever makes you happy within a relationship. Or without a relationship.
I dunno. I kind of pictured you in an mini skirt apron and a pizza chef's hat on a pizza box that read, "You've tried all the rest, now try the best."
:lol: Nice. Presumably I am wearing more than just the apron and chef's hat.
But to take Big V's reasoning to its logical conclusion, none of us can ever know what 'the best' is. Derailed by philosophy again!
:lol: Nice. Presumably I am wearing more than just the apron and chef's hat.
Nope.
But to take Big V's reasoning to its logical conclusion, none of us can ever know what 'the best' is. Derailed by philosophy again!
BigV is a fun sponge.
Nope.
What, no stockings? In that case the pizza wouldn't be all-dressed.
BigV is a fun sponge.
Maybe he's just saying he never met a pizza that he sent back to the kitchen.
Minifobette has control issues and is very, very contrary. So we drive by a shopping center the other day...
Minifob: Hey look, a Home Depot.
Minifobette: No, it's a Lowe's.
(It is clearly a Home Depot. They begin arguing back and forth, Minifob getting increasingly angry, Minifobette just calmly sticking to her story.)
Me: Sweetheart, remember, sometimes you just have to let other people be wrong. Just say to her, "I know the truth, and your words don't bother me." (This has been very effective at shutting her up when it comes from us.)
Minifob: I can't say that because it does bother me!
Me: Well, you're not going to convince her, so you need to just talk about something else.
Minifob: No, because Mr. [Tae Kwon Do teacher] says never give up. I'm not a quitter!!
...And they fight for the rest of the way home. This is going to get so much better as they get older, I can just tell.
What, no stockings? In that case the pizza wouldn't be all-dressed.
Maybe he's just saying he never met a pizza that he sent back to the kitchen.
D'oh! I forgot the stockings, my favorite part. OK. I'll go out and come back in again.
laff @ bigV and pizza
This is going to get so much better as they get older, I can just tell.
Oh, that's gonna get tiring. But I think minifob will have fun. Reminds me of a story UT told years ago about turning the car around to prove his friend wrong about something they had seen, and the guy was denying. Is minifobette in distress as she argues that the sky isn't blue, or is she having a good time too?
Oh no, Minifobette is having a nice old time. Minifob is the one who is in distress. And Minifobette knows exactly what she's doing, she thinks it's hysterical to get him riled up.
Oh no, Minifobette is having a nice old time. Minifob is the one who is in distress. And Minifobette knows exactly what she's doing, she thinks it's hysterical to get him riled up.
Same at my house. The millimeter knows 100 ways to get inch's knickers in a twist and really enjoys it.
Hopefully, yours wasn't a long ride home.
For FSM's sake, do not let them hear of the 0.999r = 1 debate.
goddammit, there IS NO DEBATE.
Minifobette has control issues and is very, very contrary. So we drive by a shopping center the other day...
Minifob: Hey look, a Home Depot.
Minifobette: No, it's a Lowe's.
(It is clearly a Home Depot. They begin arguing back and forth, Minifob getting increasingly angry, Minifobette just calmly sticking to her story.)
Me: Sweetheart, remember, sometimes you just have to let other people be wrong. Just say to her, "I know the truth, and your words don't bother me." (This has been very effective at shutting her up when it comes from us.)
Minifob: I can't say that because it does bother me!
Me: Well, you're not going to convince her, so you need to just talk about something else.
Minifob: No, because Mr. [Tae Kwon Do teacher] says never give up. I'm not a quitter!!
...And they fight for the rest of the way home. This is going to get so much better as they get older, I can just tell.
Posts like this make me think I should have a Fobble House Hall of Fame. I love stories like this; Clodfobble, thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting us be a fly on the wall for moments like this.
snip--
Maybe he's just saying he never met a pizza that he sent back to the kitchen.
I love pizza. I've had triangle pizza and square pizza and random pizza; homemade and retail pizza. Hot pizza, cold pizza, reheated pizza. I've had pizza in bed, in the car, in the woods, and in public. Pizza in every room of the house, pizza alone, with one, with two, with women and with other men. I've had pizza while my children had pizza, but we never shared, because, ew. Pizza with sauce, extra sauce, cheese, extra cheese, meat, bow-chicka-bow-wow, pizza with vegetables. I tried pizza with fruit, but I didn't inhale. Sweet pizza, savory pizza, fish and poultry (the whole chicken, not the chicken's hole, for those of you keeping score). White sauce, red sauce, sweet/tangy/smoky barbeque sauce, balsamic glazes, chinese mazes, and bacon mayonnaises.
Which one is the best? It's always the next one that breaks the record.
When it comes to pizza, one's too many and ten's not enough.
We are watching a DVD of the Nutcracker. The scene where Dewdrop id dancing with her man is on the screen; he's wearing the typical tights and cod-piece outfit.
mm: He looks like he has a huge penis.
inch: Maybe you can stop talking about it.
(The male dancer twirls Dewdrop and turns around)
mm: You can see his butt cheeks.
inch: Maybe you can stop talking about it.
mm: How come he's not wearing any underwear?
inch: Maybe you can stop talking about it.
mm: Well, he can't hear me anyway.
:lol:
What, no "Nut cracker" jokes?
Give her another year or two, she's only 5.5mm
Latest mispronunciation based on only ever coming across a word in written form:
Eee-wee. It's a female sheep. Thor was looking upthe word TUP to see if he could play it in the game we were playing.
We are watching a DVD of the Nutcracker. The scene where Dewdrop id dancing with her man is on the screen; he's wearing the typical tights and cod-piece outfit.
mm: He looks like he has a huge penis.
inch: Maybe you can stop talking about it.
(The male dancer twirls Dewdrop and turns around)
mm: You can see his butt cheeks.
inch: Maybe you can stop talking about it.
mm: How come he's not wearing any underwear?
inch: Maybe you can stop talking about it.
mm: Well, he can't hear me anyway.
Fabulous!
Sent by thought transference
Here's a funny one. Tonight I was cuddling Eva and she fell asleep in my arms, so I was just sitting there enjoying the peace and snuggles when she started giggling. In her sleep. Then she woke herself up. Looked at me. Giggled a bit more. Then went back to sleep. Too funny, and waaay to cute for words. :)
The kids were down at the breakfast table and I hear the mm say to her brother, "Mom ROCKS. She bought a new box of donut seeds and maple syrup."
(donut seeds = Cheerios)
(donut seeds = Cheerios)
:D
Here's a funny one. Tonight I was cuddling Eva and she fell asleep in my arms, so I was just sitting there enjoying the peace and snuggles when she started giggling. In her sleep. Then she woke herself up. Looked at me. Giggled a bit more. Then went back to sleep. Too funny, and waaay to cute for words. :)
Awww, man. Sleep giggles. Pound-for-pound worth one gazillion times more than pure diamonds.
still funny when they're 14 and asleep on the sofa trying to read a set book. the fight was funnier, tho'
Minifobette loves brussels sprouts (that part actually belongs in the happy thread.) However, she insists that they are called "pretzel sprouts."
Always makes me think of "doughnut seeds."
Pretzel sprouts. I can work with that. :)
Minifob's birthday party was this past weekend (I'll get around to posting a picture of the somewhat-less-expensive cake eventually.) One of his classmates said with a grin, "No offense, but this cake is even better than the birthday cake I had!"
I told him I would never take offense at that, and he shrugged and said, "I dunno, my mom did."
My daughter in law told me that she was packing some clothes for an overnight trip to visit some friends. Our 4 year old granddaughter was watching her mother pack and noticed she put in a pair of pajamas.
"Why are you packing pajamas?" she asked.
"Mommy and daddy always wear pajamas when we sleep," she replied.
Emily thought for a moment and said, "Grandmother and Grampa don't wear pajamas, they sleep naked!".
;)
We were watching the Johnny Depp remake of Willy Wonka and there is a flashback of Willy Wonka telling his father he was going to run away.
The mm says, "Why run away? Why didn't he just get picked up and brought somewhere?"
I'm sure Monster can relate.
glatt jr., 11 years old, this afternoon having his first saxophone lesson:
"So do you listen to music"
"Uh, yeah"
"What type of music do you listen to?"
"Uuh...AC/DC"
"Oh really?" Well, I didn't bring any AC/DC with me today."
Ah, I fondly remember many AC/DC saxaphone tunes. :right:
We were watching the Johnny Depp remake of Willy Wonka and there is a flashback of Willy Wonka telling his father he was going to run away.
The mm says, "Why run away? Why didn't he just get picked up and brought somewhere?"
I'm sure Monster can relate.
u have no idea. well maybe you do if you read my facebook about Hector (still alive) :lol:
Funny from Hebe yesterday (who only wears skirts, and her few pairs of pants are not denim, no way no-how), as she came out of the bathroom "Thanks for my Jeans".
....
....
???
Genes. she had been admiring her differently-colored eyes in the mirror :lol:
I was leaning on the door frame, waiting for my nephew to finish using the bathroom when he said to me, "Wow, you look beautiful." I laughed, turned to my sister and repeated what my nephew said. Then he said, "You know you are." :D :lol:
Me: are you being a weisenheimer?
Inch: what's a weisenheimer?
Me: a smart aleck, a wise guy.
MM: (to Inch) you're a weisen-hinder.
Doubly funny when you consider that weisen-hinder = smart ass
She's frighteningly smart, I wouldn't put it past her knowing that. This week she's already made three puns where she had to say, Get it? Get it? Blah blah BLAH?
She's only six. I'm sunk.
Another one from the mm:
"The moon helps me think"
Me: the moon helps you think?
"Yes. The moon sends a particular ion into my brain which helps me to think."
I'm locking my bedroom door at night.
After all, she was capable of eloquently expressing skepticism as an infant ... clearly a prodigy.
You'll have to try the moon ion thing, foot. Keep up, now.
[YOUTUBE]JXwMgIlmoaM[/YOUTUBE]
Do you think, maybe she's Twisted?
Lambert, Hendricks and Ross - Twisted
My analyst told me [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](what?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
that I was right out of my head.
The way he described it [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](how?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
he said I'd be better dead than live.
I didn't listen to his jive.
I knew all along
he was all wrong.
And I knew that he thought [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](what?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
I was crazy but I'm not,
Oh no [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](on, no.) (oh no?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
My analyst told me [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](what?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
that I was right out of my head.
He said I'd need treatment, [SIZE="1"](yeah?)[/SIZE]
but I'm not that easily led.
He said I was the type
that was most inclined
when out of his sight
to be out of my mind.
And he thought I was nuts. [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](nuts?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
No more ifs or ands or buts.
Oh no. [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](oh, no.) (oh no?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
They say as a child
I appeared a little bit wild
with all my crazy ideas.
But I knew what was happening,
I knew I was a genius...
What's so strange when you know
that you're a wizard at three?
I knew that this was meant to be.
But I heard little children
were supposed to sleep tight.
That's why I drank a fifth of vodka one night.
My parents got frantic,
didn't know what to do.
But I saw some crazy scenes
before I came to.
Now do you think I was crazy?
I may have been only three
but I was swingin'!
They all laughed at A. Graham Bell.
They all laughed at Edison,
and also at Einstein.
So why should I feel sorry
If they just couldn't understand
the reasoning and the logic
that went on in my head.
I had a brain.
It was insane.
Oh they used to laugh at me
when I refused to ride
on all those double decker buses
all because there was no driver on the top!
[SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](no driver on the top? this chick is twisted) (she must be out of her head)
(what's the matter with her?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
My analyst told me [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](what?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
That I was right out of my head.
The way he described it [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](how?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
he said I'd be better dead than live.
I didn't listen to his jive,
I knew all along
he was all wrong
and I knew that he thought [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](what?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
I was crazy.
But I'm not.
Oh no... [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](oh no!) (oh no?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
My analyst told me [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](what?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
that I was right out of my head.
but I said, Dear Doctor, [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](yeah?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
I think that it's you instead.
'cause I
have got a thing
that's unique and new.
It proves that I'll have
the last laugh on you,
'cause instead of one head [SIZE="1"][COLOR="Gray"](one head?)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
heheheheheh,
I got two.
And you know two heads are better than one.
"The moon sends a particular ion into my brain which helps me to think."
I demand my moon ions right now.
Along with my kitty bonsai and anything else I may choose to add to the list.
I WANT MOON IONS!! AND I WANT THEM NOW!!
...he said to me, "Wow, you look beautiful."..."You know you are."
Well, you are. And you do.
;)
How about bloomin' moon ions?
Aden drove his girlfriend to a party last night. As they were leaving, hand in hand, he turned to her and said, "My car looks so beautiful in the moonlight."
Yeah, nice one son.
Aden drove his girlfriend to a party last night. As they were leaving, hand in hand, he turned to her and said, "My car looks so beautiful in the moonlight."
Yeah, nice one son.
TOTAL GUY MOVE!
He's obviously speaking from his heart. :sniff: How touching.
I know, right? lol. It's like a line from a sitcom.
From this evening's dinner table:
"Mommy, how come sometimes you say things in a really excited voice, but actually they aren't exciting at all?"
He's onto me.
Not something the kid said, but a story about the kid...
My stepson's mother recently let us know that she's trying to cut back on the amount of soy the boy eats, because soy contains phytoestrogens which can mimic real estrogen in the body... and, well, she's concerned that he's kind of a pansy.
:lol:
I got news for you, lady. I was predicting your son would be gay from the time he was 18 months old. Ain't got nothin' to do with the soy.
[size=1]The sad thing is she's a bit of a fundamentalist, and this will probably seriously harm her relationship with him when he is older. Not really my problem, though.[/size]
reminiscing in this thread. .. any updates?
When we went to church last week, he wore his sister's crocheted, fringed scarf. I gently let him know that it was clearly a woman's scarf, and the other boys were likely to make fun of him, and I did have a different scarf he could wear if he would rather. He insisted he liked his sister's scarf best, so we let him wear it. He's 11, so no actual attractions have developed one way or the other, but he's still pretty clearly aiming in one direction.
I found a note the boy wrote about how good it felt when he was hugging a girl in a dream. I love that note.
Sitting here, listening to the mm (6 yo) narrate her play:
"'Say!' he said, picking up in his teeth, a bone."
I am afraid of trying to talk to her when she is finished with college.
I found a note the boy wrote about how good it felt when he was hugging a girl in a dream. I love that note.
Those are the best dreams. Messy, but totally worth it.
The mm is on a tear.
I told the kids this morning that in some countries, women and girls are not allowed to go to school. The mm says dismissively, "People are demented."
I admire her contempt for humanity. Very well-developed already.
"demented" - a Sesame Street word it is not !
Minifobette is flipping through my giant wall planner, reading out all the holidays in the coming year. When she gets to July, she tells me, "And look Mommy, there's Independence Day. That's the day when we have to do everything by ourselves."
Nice! Now she has a target date. :)
Nice! Now she has a target date. :)
:D
From my daughter's artwork today:
Stick Figure 1: Can me and Charlie have a ride to the movies?
Stick Figure 2: DON'T YOU KNOW THERE'S A WAR ON????
She claims she heard the phrase from a book, but she can't remember which one.
Freaking awesome. I read it aloud here, everyone lost it.
Ah ha! It is apparently from
this book in her school library.
Hector's inaugural season as a high school hockey goalie is almost over.... :( Senior Night (last home game) is next week. The Senior Goalie's mom told me that when they were asking the seniors for amusing anecdotes from their careers he asked if they had to be "appropriate". The answer was yes, but tell me the inappropriate ones. So he told her about the first time they played like crap this season and were whinging like hell and the coach was asking for comments. Apparently, the hitherto pretty silent Freshman Goalie (5foot nothing, 80lb) piped up and told them they all needed to "Grow A Pair". There was a shocked silence for a while....
:lol:
I have no idea where he heard such a phrase (no really, it wasn't from me, I like to teach that you don't need "a pair" (or even one) to give it your all....) I admit the 'tude may be not entirely out of the blue....ish ;)
....she's not looking....right?....
....
.....
Junior in High School discussing making her poster to run for vice-Prezz of he National Honors Society at her school....
"Favorite Quote..... "How much is a Brazilian?"
So after I picked my jaw up of the floor and spluttered WHAT!!!!!???????!!!!!
She said ......you know, Bush, when he was told three Brazilian soldiers had died......
.........
She's mad that I can't stop laughing ....tears are pouring from my eyes We both just got back from a weekend of water polo training in Chicago and are knackered. it's an honest mistake, but still funny as all hell......
and we're racking them up tonight..... Just watched the 12yo come out of his bedroom to get a drink of water. he held his left palm over his left eye the whole time while he turned the tap on, filled the cup, turned it off, drank.... with the right hand only.
Me: is your eye hurting?
Him: No, I'm just preserving my night vision so I won't be scared when I go back to bed....
That's an old military trick, did he pick that up from his paintball gang?
Robert Duvall in "Jack Reacher"
cinekatz.com/double-team-review-jack-reacher/
Eta , chock a block full of spoilers;you've been warned
That's an old military trick, did he pick that up from his paintball gang?
I bet he saw the Mythbusters episode about pirates.
I bet he saw the Mythbusters episode about pirates.
bingo :D
He did it again last night. other eye this time. How in the hell does he even remember? I wake in the night, I'm lucky to remember to open either eye as I stumble to the bathroom OR they're both wide open before my brain is because something WOKE ME UP.....
A friend posted this on FB: (name changed)
"I was informed this morning by Opal's teacher:
Opal tried to cut her own hair yesterday. Opal's classmate saw it and ran to the teacher and told the teacher. Opal's teacher stop her, took the scissors away and told her not to do it again. Opal turn to her classmate pointed at her with her fingers and started to mimic scissors with her fingers cutting her hair and clothing. Pointed back at her classmate and said you are next... "
:lol: Fiesty little girl. She's only in pre-K.
Minifob's class did a project on poor children in Africa who can't afford shoes, including learning about the diseases and injuries that can happen.
Later, we are in Target, and we pass by a toddler in a stroller with no shoes on. Minifob points at her and shouts, "Mommy, she's going to get hookworms!"
A friend posted this on FB: (name changed)
"I was informed this morning by Opal's teacher:
Opal tried to cut her own hair yesterday. Opal's classmate saw it and ran to the teacher and told the teacher. Opal's teacher stop her, took the scissors away and told her not to do it again. Opal turn to her classmate pointed at her with her fingers and started to mimic scissors with her fingers cutting her hair and clothing. Pointed back at her classmate and said you are next... "
:lol: Fiesty little girl. She's only in pre-K.
:lol:
another FB post from a friend, regarding a power failure:
Derek was so funny. I told him the transformers blew up and he said "ha. That's not possible. Transformers aren't real mom!"
Minifob's class did a project on poor children in Africa who can't afford shoes, including learning about the diseases and injuries that can happen.
Later, we are in Target, and we pass by a toddler in a stroller with no shoes on. Minifob points at her and shouts, "Mommy, she's going to get hookworms!"
Smart!
Minifob's class did a project on poor children in Africa who can't afford shoes, including learning about the diseases and injuries that can happen.
Later, we are in Target, and we pass by a toddler in a stroller with no shoes on. Minifob points at her and shouts, "Mommy, she's going to get hookworms!"
Did the toddler's mom hear that and if yes, how did she react to it?
Oh she definitely heard it, everyone in a 20-foot radius heard it... but I don't know how she reacted because I immediately scurried away with him, explaining that we don't point and talk about people we don't know, no matter whether we're saying something nice/factual or not.
"This Thursday, one toddler will out another toddler as a vector for hookworms..."
"In a city where dogs run free and toddlers go barefoot, a young girl learns the horrifying truth and speaks out ..."
"In a city where dogs run free and toddlers go barefoot, a young girl learns the horrifying truth and speaks out ..."
LoL......my nephew would loudly say a woman is fat sometimes. :lol: Had to teach what NOT to say about a woman. Perhaps I should stop calling myself fat in front of him so often that he thinks it's okay to say that out loud.
For awhile we had to make the rule for Minifob, "When someone is fat, we say, 'I like your hair.'" It really helped for him to have a replacement phrase, because he felt absolutely compelled to comment.
Good idea. One of my guys asked, "What's wrong with your face?" of an adult visitor last week.
How do you respond to that? (As a teacher and as the person with the face.)
The kids are on a roll this week...
Minifobette is heading into her weekly social skills playgroup, and she is hopping across the floor instead of walking.
Therapist: Oh, are you hopping like a bunny?
Minifobette: No, I'm doing parkour.
How do you respond to that? (As a teacher and as the person with the face.)
We both ignored it. If I knew her, I might have turned it into a teachable moment, but this child has real deficits in receptive language and tends to explode when he doesn't understand something. So I tend to choose my moments carefully.
The kids are on a roll this week...
Minifobette is heading into her weekly social skills playgroup, and she is hopping across the floor instead of walking.
Therapist: Oh, are you hopping like a bunny?
Minifobette: No, I'm doing parkour.
That's hilarious. How old is she again?
She's 5, about to turn 6 in April. Her exposure to parkour comes from spending time on YouTube with my stepkids (ages 15 and 12...)
I figured it wasn't from watching The Office. That's funny.
Sitting here listening to my nephew do his homework. He asks out loud, "What causes drought? What causes drought?" No one answers. "How much water does a cow drink?" My sister goes over to him to see what he's doing. She sees that he answered the reason for California's drought is because the cows drank all water. Hmmm.....
In the car ready to drive somewhere.
mm: I brushed my teeth but forgot to comb my hair.
f3: I combed my hair but forgot to brush my teeth.
mm (muttering): Oh my god, your breath is going to smell disgusting.
:lol: :lol: :lol: She's right, you know. Your breath would smell disgusting. :lol:
Just heard a student say to her classmate, "Hashtag, go fuck yourself"
I could put this in the proud parent brag thread, or the humor thread, but it's here.
The mm invented her first joke today:
"What does Mickey Mouse drive?"
"A Minnie van."
She says it's her own.
My kids are all grown up and have their own kids, so this will have to be about the grandkids.
My younger daughter has 2 children and I've been taking care of them since the first on was born 8+ years ago. Just before the younger one got out of diapers (her idea) she came over to me one day and said "I pooped". I checked her by smelling close to her back side and she smelled like she had pooped, so I picked her up and said "lets go back to your room and I'll change you". She was all in agreement and went right along with it. we got back to her room, I took off her pants and then undid her diaper. It was clean and dry, and she immediately started crawling arround on the bed laughing and saying "That Funny".
:D nice, and welcome Bardo.
:D nice, and welcome Bardo.
Thankyou, I did mention that my younger daughter has 2 children that I have been taking care of since right after they were born, so that my daughter and the father could work. One day right after the girl was born we were in the car, I was taking the father to work, and the conversation got around to some of the food he liked. I asked him where it came from and he answered "The grocery store." I mentioned that before that it comes from a farm, he disagreed and insisted that it came from the grocery store. So I asked him where the grocery store got it. He thought for a few seconds and then said, "It's too far away, you can't see it".
How do you actually feel about your son in law? Haha. Your daughter knows about farms though right? ;)
How do you actually feel about your son in law? Haha. Your daughter knows about farms though right? ;)
Sorry, that was my grandson at about 5 years old who made that comment. I see now that I wasn't very clear on that point. My son-in-law thought that what his son said was very funny,
Oh excellent. I feel much better about the future for your grandkids now. Haha
While playing a videogame together:
Stepson: Look out, those zombies are coming after us...
Minifob: Only because we're destroying their habitat!
Watched the Tour de France go through Otley today. Merveilleux.
I was right outside my front door and next to a family with a couple of small children.
Before the race, le caravane goes through, throwing treats and favours into the crowds.
I imagine that in some places it goes through at almost walking pace, but in Otley it went through at (a guess) about 50mph - well above the usual speed limit, but of course the roads are completely closed. Some vans/ lorries/ floats had large cut-away sections which would have made handing out large items safe at lower speeds. We only got tiny things flung from the back of cars.
I caught some mini bags of Haribo, some wristbands and an inflatable pillow (actually that hit the side of my face) and duly handed them over to the children, because that was part of the fun of it.
The littlest girl was on her Daddy's shoulders. Both her parents asked her for reports as to what was coming next along the road, as she had the best view.
Suddenly she screamed out "OMG! [saying the letters] it's a Fruit Shoot!"
This is a fruit based drink aimed at children.
She could barely contain herself, happier at the Fruit Shoot vehicle with an enormous bottle on top than anything Tour-related. I think if a fully costumed Disney procession had gone past she couldn't have been happier. Which did make me smile.
Anyway, after about three flavours went by and nothing had been thrown, she was so disappointed.
Her Mum said, "No pet, they were going too fast, it would have been dangerous."
"Ask the lady" came the reply, "I bet she got some."
Her Mum felt the need to apologise but I was already pretty giggly and had to laugh.
There is a little girl somewhere in Yorkshire tonight who thinks I am either a great goalie, or a mean Fruit-Shoot stealer.
Or both.
Love it! Any other Tour Tales?
What a great highlight, Sundae.
Speaking of OMG, the other night the inch, the mm, and I were watching some movie and the inch shouts "MG...O!"
"MGO?"
"Yeah, Oh My G... I mean OMG."
While playing a videogame together:
Stepson: Look out, those zombies are coming after us...
Minifob: Only because we're destroying their habitat!
Well, yeah, that plus braaaaaaaaainnnssss.
This is as good a place as any.
[COLOR="DarkRed"]These contain not NSFW misspellings[/COLOR]:
[ATTACH]48446[/ATTACH]
No one wants to ask their parents to buy them hores.
And this one, from one of LJ's sprog, apparently:
[ATTACH]48447[/ATTACH]
I told you there were misspellings, should be COCK!
:p:
I was playing some Pink Floyd to "The Little People" and explaining Another Brick in the Wall (We don't need no education, etc)
The mm asks, "Are they singing that to the teacher?"
Me: "Yes."
mm: "I bet she was really offended."
Pink Floyd has new album coming out in October (I think).
"The Endless River" will be mostly ambient/instrumental music, as I understand it. Interestingly it's not 'new' music, it's expanded leftovers from 2008, and Rick Wright will be on there. He died in 2008.
[/drift]
oldest to middle child, complaining that he found onion in dinner: You know the "secret ingredient" they put in everything? It's onion.
Minifobette: Mommy, what is "do it with Justin Timberlake?"
Clodfobble: *delivers stunning TED Talk on sexual attraction*
Minifobette: *frowns, shows me her CD lyrics insert... DUET with Justin Timberlake
"Mom, what's oral?"
"It's where jewelry comes from, dear."
Lawl
You might have that backwards
Minifobette: Mommy, what is "do it with Justin Timberlake?"
Clodfobble: *delivers stunning TED Talk on sexual attraction*
Minifobette: *frowns, shows me her CD lyrics insert... DUET with Justin Timberlake
[ATTACH]48801[/ATTACH]
Minifobette: Mommy, what is "do it with Justin Timberlake?"
Clodfobble: *delivers stunning TED Talk on sexual attraction*
Minifobette: *frowns, shows me her CD lyrics insert... DUET with Justin Timberlake
This is fantastic. I'm not going to go back to double check, but I think this wins the thread.
So I'm driving back from a day at the beach in Galveston and told my 2 granddaughters (age 5 and 7) that when they get home they need to take showers and wash their hair and don't forget their girly parts as they got all sandy in the shallow water.
"Girly parts!" says the 5 year old with a giggle. "That's not their real name."
"Well, no" I reply, "I mean your vaginas."
They both giggle and the 7 year old asks, "do you have boy parts Grandpa?"
"Yes" I reply.
"Well what do you call those?" she asks.
"That's called a penis"
"Well be sure to wash yours! Sand gets on it at the beach!" says the 5 year old.
I keep mine clean. :yesnod:
Inside and out!
My mom, on FB
"I just realized how sexist Solitaire is. The Queen can't come out unless the King is there!"
En route to his soccer game, the Inch, the mm, and I were listening to "John Barleycorn" by Traffic. I asked him "How old do you think this music is?"
"Very."
After the game he was talking about one of the parents who incessantly criticizes every player, ref, and coach throughout the game, "...and I was like, 'Stuff a sock in it, dude!'"
Today the mm said "I'm done drawing, I don't know what to do next, and don't tell me to read! (a few minutes passes) I think I'll sketch."
I'm running a Water Polo Skills class at the K-8 school. one hour first thing in the morning each day this week. I have a 3rd-grader who clearly does not meet the prerequisite of having passed a deep-end test (but she's damned determined and decided to hang in there) ... but when we were discussing it and I asked her why she picked the class when she hates getting her face wet and ball games she said "I thought it was Marco Polo Skills"
Marco Polo Game for the uninitiated
I don't know if I should :lol: or :facepalm:
My dad, the physics prof, once briefly had a student who signed up for his quantum mechanics course because he wanted to learn how to fix cars.
...signed up for his quantum mechanics course because he wanted to learn how to fix cars.
He would only be able to work on these:
[ATTACH]49449[/ATTACH]
Toyota Quantum. And only in South Africa.
That looks big and functional.
Today in the car the mm was telling me about some people in the audience of a play she watched the previous night:
"...he was the brother of the girl with the red, flowing locks."
I think she may be reading too much.
That looks big and functional.
Did anyone else notice that mini-vans are now at least as big as full size vans used to be?
And full size vans have become as big as delivery trucks used to be. Must be something in the water.
is that even possible?
They have a six hour per day limit.
:eek:
Excellent!
I thought Common Core was put in place to prevent that sort of frivolity...
[ATTACH]49595[/ATTACH]
:drummer:
Minifob has gained a reputation for asking somewhat insane questions in class, and the teachers regularly share them with me. The other day, his music teacher is talking about orchestras, and all the different instruments, and how the different sounds combine to make the overall music.
Minifob raises his hand in all solemnity, and asks, "How many orchestras were there in the world, in 1970?"
It's important to note that there had been zero references to 1970 or any other specific year during that class, or any other class in recent memory.
That's probably as far back as he goes, after that it's all the same. Sort of like when we think of when the dinosaurs lived or the difference between one and two light years. In other words, fucking far away and a long time ago.
That is funny, though.
It's a trap, he's researched and knows how many, so he can tell if she's lying. :haha:
Sort of like when we think of when the dinosaurs lived or the difference between one and two light years. In other words, fucking far away and a long time ago.
I read a thing recently revealing that the Tyrannosaurus was closer to us in the timeline than it was to the Stegosaurus. Or maybe not those two, but it was some pair of well-known dinosaurs, anyway. The idea was we forget that "the dinosaurs" spanned hundreds of millions of years and instead just sort of lump them all together into one spot in history.
Very cool, it looks like if R. Crumb were teaching science.
Me: Glad you're feeling better, seems that fever was just your body fighting off whatever is going around
Thor: Yes, I do seem to have rather a hardy immune system
:lol:
Ha! 'a rather hardy immune system.'
:lol:
Great kid!
Kids have interesting views of themselves. I remember Ripley saying, very sincerely, that she was "cute on the outside, but crazy on the inside" when she was 7 or 8 years old.
I see 5 of my grandchildren pretty regularly as their family lives only a few miles away. Both parents work so I often get asked to watch over sick kids or when they are out on a school holiday or half day. That being said, I do enjoy it. I always liked being the father of 5 kids and interacting with them as they grew into adults and now I get to sort of do it all over again! My feeling is as they are my grandchildren so I try not to interfere much with the mom and dad's parenting style. I don't always agree with their style but parenting doesn't come with a handbook so as long as no one is mistreated I figure they can figure it out as they go along.
My son in law calls just about everyone "Dude" in conversations, even his mother. I don't know why, I don't think it's a Jeff Bridges kind of dude thing as in The Big Lebowski. I think he got it from being a grunt in the Air Force with other grunts. Recently some of my younger grand children (ages 8 and 10) have referred to me as Dude in a moment of telling me something in an exited tone. I usually stop them and reply. "I'm your grandfather, your father can call me Dude and I could call him Dude. I don't call you Dude so please don't call me that."
The other thing is my 10 year old grandson has started saying "Jesus Christ!" when a sibling does something wrong or unexpected. Both parents use some pretty course language, but the kids know not to use most of those words. I guess he thinks "JC" is ok though. I told him, "I'm not much of a follower of Christianity or Jesus and I'm ok with it if you aren't either but I'm pretty sure if your teacher hears you say that at school or you say it to mom and dad you will be in some pretty big trouble!" I encouraged him to say something like, Gosh Darn or Holy Smoke.
I guess we all use inappropriate language around kids from time to time. I can remember a moment when I was working under our family car with a big repair and my 5 year old son went inside the house where his mother asked him where I was. He responded innocently enough, "outside under the God Dammed car!? ;)
I call everyone dude, all the time. Half the time it's not referring to the person directly, it's just an interjection like "whoa."
I use "dude" much in the same way Clodfobble describes.
I use dude only on my son when he's doing something pretty dumb or annoying. Along the lines of "dude, what the fuck?" But without the wtf part.
I have adult offspring. They are all in their 20's now. We are Italian... colorful language along with the accompanying hand motions is sort of a requirement around these parts.
Chris, you're talking about young children - nope. no way. Not unless I hit my hand with a hammer or something, then all bets are off on what word(s) are gonna come outta my mouth.
I have adult offspring. They are all in their 20's now. We are Italian... colorful language along with the accompanying hand motions is sort of a requirement around these parts.
Chris, you're talking about young children - nope. no way. Not unless I hit my hand with a hammer or something, then all bets are off on what word(s) are gonna come outta my mouth.
Mother of fucking GOD...is what would come out of my mouth. Yeah, I'm going to hell, even though that phrase makes no sense at all. :lol:
lol - I posted that in the wrong thread.
lol - I posted that in the wrong thread.
Hahaaa, so did I, apparently. Could you fix that for me, or quote me cross-thread or something? I'm so confused! :blush:
I encouraged him to say something like, Gosh Darn or Holy Smoke.
Please, don't do this. "Holy Smoke?" srsly, dude? stuff like that sets kids up as targets. At least come up with something more current. Maybe ask the parents what they would prefer him to say?
I took the position*, when my kids were young, of saying that there wer no such things as "bad words" only inappropriate audiences. We went through a lot of discussion about who might not appreciate hearing what words. It did a couple of things, it took the power away from "naughty words" and it helped them consider how others might feel or think of them by the way they spoke.
Occasionally I'll drop the F bomb when driving and my son has made it clear that he doesn't like vulgar language so I try to respect that unless in the heat of driving or working. When he was under four I told him those were special work words and only to be used by carpenters and other tradesmen.
Now I wish I could remove 'like' from their vocabulary.
*Taking a page from Lenny Bruce's book.
The concept of "bad words" is weird. It can be justified for, say, insults like racial epithets, but how does a word stay "bad" when there's no such justification, and we don't even know the real etymology?
A word can't be bad unless everyone agrees it's bad. Not most people agree, it's not a majority rules thing, everyone. You know that ain't happening. :headshake
shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker & tits.
[YOUTUBE]vbZhpf3sQxQ[/YOUTUBE]
I took the position*, when my kids were young, of saying that there wer no such things as "bad words" only inappropriate audiences. We went through a lot of discussion about who might not appreciate hearing what words. It did a couple of things, it took the power away from "naughty words" and it helped them consider how others might feel or think of them by the way they spoke.
Occasionally I'll drop the F bomb when driving and my son has made it clear that he doesn't like vulgar language so I try to respect that unless in the heat of driving or working. When he was under four I told him those were special work words and only to be used by carpenters and other tradesmen.
Now I wish I could remove 'like' from their vocabulary.
*Taking a page from Lenny Bruce's book.
since he's been able to make it clear to you that he doesn't like vulgar language, and you've demonstrated the success of such clear communication, why don't you try the same with him?
Tell him you don't care for the way he uses "like" (however he/they is/are using it). Show them that respect for simple requests goes both ways.
just a thought.
Oh we talk about that a lot and catch each other using it. Maybe we should start a LIKE jar...
Yesterday we went shopping at BJ's, our local members only buying club type place (Costco, Sam's Club et al)
We are cruising down the aisle past some carpets all rolled up and standing in a corral and the inch says "That's just wrong." I turn and see one of the carpet rolls has collapsed and can't get what's 'just wrong' about it. Then he points to the sign under the carpets that says "Dream Shag"
Clearly "Big School" has paid off.
Surely he's still innocent; he doesn't know about rug burns, right?!?
eta:
you crack me up footfootfoot.
Surely he's still innocent; he doesn't know about rug burns, right?!?
.
I can only hope.
:eek:
Probably knows about rug burns, but from driving his dinos and trucks around the living room rug, not what we perverts immediately think of.
9 yo: I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up.
13 yo: No, you're not.
9 yo: Then I'm going to be a space terrorist.
Two recent gems--said in all seriousness--by the Minifob:
"So, say a kid went to school. And class had just started, like the teacher had just barely had time to write her name on the board.
And then she turned around and breathed fire on him, and burned him up into ash.
Would he be counted absent for the day, or not?"
...and...
"You know what would be the most painful thing ever? If you broke your femur... while giving birth."
I'd love to see an animated cartoon of the thought process leading up to those statements. :yesnod:
The mm (the girl) is going to be a great dad one day (by measure of this dad-worthy joke)
She invented a soup recipe in her dream (I think she meant imagination, but whatevs) and wrote out the recipe, since it wasn't entirely insane and something she might possibly eat, I made it for dinner. We were dining casually in the living room so I shouted from the kitchen: "MM, do you want some of your soup in a bowl?" (vs a cup)
She shouts back, "I want ALL of my soup in a bowl."
Recipe if you are curious:
qt. chicken stock
"alphabetical noodles" aka ABC noodles
corn
green beans
thinly sliced hot dogs
parsley
rosemary
soy sauce <-- my addition
Cute.
And that soup sounds nice.
I was sitting at my computer entering some things in my family tree program and my 7 and 9 year old granddaughters were watching and wanted me to show where they were in the tree.
That in of itself takes several clicks since I have to go to my wife and her first husband who is deceased, then to their 2nd son but to his 3rd wife for the 7 year old and then over to the mother and her first husband for the 9 year old... They are an American family in the fullest sense, sisters, brothers, half and step sisters and brothers.
So the 7 year old asks "well who was Uncle Phil?" I replied that it wasn't Uncle Phil but it would have been Grandpa Phil. And I went on to explain that he was Grandmother's first husband, the father of their dad and his brother, Uncle Tim. I went on that he died of cancer and if he had not died he would be their grandfather.
"So you and he would both be our grandfathers?" "No" I said, "if he had not died I would never have married Grandmother and I would not be a member of this family at all."
They both looked panicked and replied, "But we LOVE you!"
It made me feel good to hear that and I tried to use it as a teachable moment that things can be very different if they happen differently, if people don't meet other people or do something different.
An alternate history is just a butterfly flap away. ;)
Rejected Titles for Kids Say the Darndest Things.
Kids Say Whatever Moronic Thought Comes Into Their Heads
It’s So Irritating How Kids Take Everything So Literally
Kids Often Misconstrue Colloquial English
Kids’ Brains Aren’t Sufficiently Developed to Deal With the Subtleties Of Language
Kids Repeat the Terrible Things Their Parents Say In the Home
I Wish Kids Wouldn’t Say the Darndest Things
My Child Keeps Embarrassing Me In Front of Education Professionals
Kids Spoke Only When Spoken to In My Day
Kids Make The Craziest Allegations!
Something My Kid Said Alarmed His Teachers Enough to Raise Suspicions About Me
Kids’ Testimonies are Suspect
Kids Say the Darndest Things When In the Presence of a Court-Appointed Guardian
The Mini-Mes* and I were buying some supplies for T-bird day on Wednesday. Of course, every dick and his dog were also there. As the spoor and I slowly wended the aisles we kept passing this other family headed toward us as we both worked to the other end of the store.
After several aisles, they felt like old friends. At one point just as the mom was rounding the corner away from us I hear her say to her youngest, "Yes, it's just like Black Friday, but for food." The kids and I barked with laughter, and she shot us a grin.
#5...
[ATTACH]54303[/ATTACH]
Minifob working with his writing tutor. The activity today is he has to spell the spelling word, then come up with his own word to write after it--any word he wants, just working on his general inability/unwillingness to generate his own content.
The third word he chooses for himself?
"Porn"
He was supposed to use whatever popped into his head, and it is a legitimate word, sort of. That word pops into my head once in awhile. :haha:
Minifob working with his writing tutor. The activity today is he has to spell the spelling word, then come up with his own word to write after it--any word he wants, just working on his general inability/unwillingness to generate his own content.
The third word he chooses for himself?
"Porn"
No, he was thinking about raising some cash using his Playstation as security but couldn't spell pawn. ;)
I thought it was a contraction for popcorn.
Mmm...Salty, hot, butter-flavored p'orn.
Is he into obscure web-based puzzle sites?
What was the prompt word?
Completely unrelated, but I remember the whole list started with the letter I. His general desire is to come up with short words, so he has less to write.
His general desire is to come up with short words, so he has less to write.
:D
This is a "do" rather than a say.....
Youngest (Highschool freshman aka camoboy & hewholostdisorganizedinapilesomewhere)went off to volunteer at the swim meet held at the high school for all the local middle schools. These are always chaos anyway. After several hours, one of the moms I know posted bout the meet on Facebook, so I asked how it was going and mentioned he was supposed to be '"helping", she said:
He's the starter.doing a pretty good job, only started two races without the kids ready.
(it was only about a third done at this point)
:lol:
another mom said he did a great job. I asked if he told jokes during the longer races. She said;
no jokes, but his jazz hands always gave away exactly when he was going to hit the start button, which was absolutely awesome, particularly from the vantage of lane 1
:lol: Jazz hands
If you're in a competition you have to pay attention, the race is not at your convenience, it's at the officials convenience. He was teaching future Olympians a valuable lesson. Why he just might have won us a gold medal today. USA! USA! ;)
Overheard at breakfast in the hotel Monday morning from a young boy: "can you pause the baby?"
So I was standing in line at the grocery store with the weirdest of my kids and at one particularly weird moment I said "Son, you are doing me a frighten". Without a breath, he said "Bork! Bork! Bork!" I didn't show him that one. No doubting his parentage.
Never questioned his, it's yours that makes me ponder. Which planet? Which dimension? :haha:
Thor has been on facebook for about 18 months now. But this may be his first real post:
Really annoyed about the linguistically insensitive "nose blind" term in Febreeze commercials. The correct terms go as follows.
Hyposmia [high-POSE-mee-ah] is a reduced ability to detect odors.
Anosmia [ah-NOSE-mee-ah] is the complete inability to detect odors. In rare cases, someone may be born without a sense of smell, a condition called congenital anosmia.
Parosmia [pahr-OZE-mee-ah] is a change in the normal perception of odors, such as when the smell of something familiar is distorted, or when something that normally smells pleasant now smells foul.
Phantosmia [fan-TOES-mee-ah] is the sensation of an odor that isn’t there.
Get some English, Febreeze
He is 14
There are tears coming out of my eyes. I refuse to say whether they are from laughter or overly-emotional-maternal-pride, but my cheeks are hurting
Holy shit, he doesn't talk like that for real does he? That would get him some strange looks methinks.
Bulletin: This just in from our foreign desks. Proctor & Gamble stock has tumbled on the foreign exchanges, and rumor has it the markets not open for the week yet, are being flooded with put orders. :haha:
Holy shit, he doesn't talk like that for real does he? That would get him some strange looks methinks.
Smart irony is prized above all other skills in the Millennial landscape. He'll be their king.
Yes, he does talk like that.
Having dined with this family fairly recently I can attest that he does talk like that. He's smart and funny and a great kid to talk to!
Yes, he does talk like that.
No wonder Banana Lady loves to visit. :D
She never hears him talk because she hands over a stack of Beano comics as she walks through the door and we don't see him again
Ha, ha, ha, Banana Lady is on the ball. :thumb2:
Thor has been on facebook for about 18 months now. But this may be his first real post:
Really annoyed about the linguistically insensitive "nose blind" term in Febreeze commercials. The correct terms go as follows.
Hyposmia [high-POSE-mee-ah] is a reduced ability to detect odors.
Anosmia [ah-NOSE-mee-ah] is the complete inability to detect odors. In rare cases, someone may be born without a sense of smell, a condition called congenital anosmia.
Parosmia [pahr-OZE-mee-ah] is a change in the normal perception of odors, such as when the smell of something familiar is distorted, or when something that normally smells pleasant now smells foul.
Phantosmia [fan-TOES-mee-ah] is the sensation of an odor that isn’t there.
Get some English, Febreeze
He is 14
What is an exceptional sense of smell? hyperosmia?
unfortunate, when you live around here....
Picked up a new movie at the liberry today. It stars Maggie Smith. The inch asked "how old is she?" Without missing a beat, the mm (nine) says, "She's time's little sister."
Nice!
Great-niece birthday party. I sez, what are you now, twenty five? She sez no, just regular five.
Fantastic.
How's infinity these days?
"She's time's little sister."
Outstanding.
Minifob and -fobette are playing Twister, except the spinner is kind of broken so Minifobette is just calling out whatever move amuses her the most.
Minifobette: "Right hand, red."
Minifob: "What? Oh my god!"
Minifobette: (absolutely deadpan) "Don't complain. This is your life now."
"This is your life now."
That's great.:haha:
Can that go on top? It's awesome.
(whatever that space under the monkey is called)
She's certainly in control of her brother, huh. Poor guy, he's in for it for a long time...lol.
Like that, the whole quote?
:blush: Aw. I've never had (okay, inspired) a tagline before.
You guys reminded me, there's another thing I was going to post of hers a couple weeks ago and then got distracted. She writes this ongoing series of stories about a girl named Julie Williamson and her various adventures. Recently there was one about a bunch of weather disasters happening in the town, and finally the young heroine sleuthed out that someone had time traveled and met his or her future self, and that had created a "weather chaos" paradox. So she asked everyone in town, and the mayor confessed...
So she was just about to kill him until the policeman came.
“Your under arrest for trying to kill the mayor!” they said.
“But its the only way! I have to kill him to stop the chaos!”
“Well, it’s the end of his last year anyway, I guess you can kill him.” said the policeman.
So Julie killed the mayor and everyone was happy.
THE END
Minifob and -fobette are playing Twister, except the spinner is kind of broken so Minifobette is just calling out whatever move amuses her the most.
Minifobette: "Right hand, red."
Minifob: "What? Oh my god!"
Minifobette: (absolutely deadpan) "Don't complain. This is your life now."
:lol:
... someone had time traveled and met his or her future self, and that had created a "weather chaos" paradox...
:eek:
Doctor Who much?
Send her resume to Moffat and Gatiss
On Minifob's recent math quiz, the problem presented two children named Allyson and Justin who had each solved a problem a different way (one being obviously wrong.) He was asked to explain which child was correct, and why. His answer:
Allyson ACTUALLY used feet! I agree because she used an ACTUAL measurement unlike Justin McJusty, he isn't very clear on his measurements. You tell the exact measurement you want. You use a standard measurement: feet! You are good at measuring and know what is a universal measurement that everyone understands.
I told him name-calling wasn't a convincing argument. He disagreed, and pointed out the fact that he got partial credit.
I'm with Mini on this one.
He disagreed, and pointed out the fact that he got partial credit.
I see the error, Justin McJusty
face would have got full credit.
Common core = rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
Test answer to be proud of...
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* At the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* Liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* Marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* Exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?
* Wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
*No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
The inch, 12, to his sister whose feet are too close to him: "MM, move your feet."
The MM: "They're MY feet."
At the kids' school they have this deeply-embedded curriculum on the traits of a good citizen/human. They spend part of every day talking about being tolerant, inquisitive, reflective, knowledgeable, caring, etc.
Minifobette spent a considerable amount of time today struggling with how a mirror could possibly be objectively self-aware and consider its own role in a situation (i.e., be reflective.)
The Millimeter's ACME game is strong. I saw these on the bathroom floor the other day, they are little wagons from her Playmobil castle.
No, masking tape folded over on itself.
The mm is at it again. I'm sure she is being sarcastic but there is a mix of her being proud of her ghastly toenails, and the hope that she's hit on a legit money making idea.
She's got a wicked dry sense of humor and has already bested me in intelligence. Still, she is a bit nutty.
Me: OMG You need to trim your toenails.
MM: *trims nails - calls me over to see* I think I can sell these on eBay.
She probably can. Sadly enough.
Well, it'll take the strain off paying for college.
Grind 'em up, put a Rhino horn label on 'em, Bam... College tuition. :rolleyes:
So my grandson from CT was down to visit with his mother. We had an easy breakfast and I was feeling pretty good. He and I went for a ride on the bike. Last stop was the Pireway boat ramp. A lovely spot on the Waccamaw River.
Feeling better pa pa?
I am a happy camper Billy.
You like camping too pa pa?
Then he thought about it and asked if that was one of those old fashioned corny sayings like "cool" or "man" or "dude" or.... I said thats enough I get point.
Sent from my Z818L using Tapatalk
eyeaaaah...
Had to explain the opening sequence to Get Smart to co-worker today. *all* was lost in the translation.
eyeaaaah...
Had to explain the opening sequence to Get Smart to co-worker today. *all* was lost in the translation.
Yeah, where do you start?
I'm guessing you mean the movie and not the original tv series. BTW have you seen Danger 5? I saw eps 1 & 2. Totally surreal parody of a parody of every TV show from the cold war, and Hanna Barberra cartoons, Mannix, et al, up through the 90s Space Ghost.
It's a hilarious insane anachronistic trainwreck of a show.
I had to look up the movie.
I'd forgotten it, completely. I was all *there's a movie?*
I had to look up the movie.
I'd forgotten it, completely. I was all *there's a movie?*
Shit!
Now I'm losing it completely. . I have NO MEMORY WHATSOEVER of logging in as Gravdigr and posting my thoughts.
Gonna have to add to my wardrobe a note to be pinned to my jacket with if found / return instructions.
Assuming I remember....
You didn't know it all those years ago, but that's the real reason you got a driver's license. :cool:
The wise-ass is strong with the mm:
The inch has been mental about bikes for the past year or so and is constantly sharing his latest discoveries. Some might say oversharing, to wit:
Inch: I just saw the sickest bike; it had a dropper post, 180mm of travel, Schwalbe Magic Mary tire--
mm: Whooping cough...
Minifob: Did you go to the store today?
Me: Nope, not today.
Minifob: Don't worry, you have some time between 9:00 and 1:00 tomorrow.
:eyebrow:
Great to have a personal/social secretary to keep you on track. :haha:
Minifob had a rough day at school the other day, and he asked me to come "hang out" with him for a bit, which generally translates to laying on his bed with him while he tearfully recounts what went wrong and ponders the meaninglessness of life and all that angsty stuff.
So we're laying on his bed together, he's getting emotional, and his sister wanders into the room. In an instant, Minifob leaps out of bed, holds up his hands, and yells, "Honey! I can explain!"
God help me, I laughed. So hard. And this is why my kids will tell inappropriate jokes for the rest of their days.
Ya don't have to be parents to appreciate this, but, I thought you parents might appreciate this:
I walked my daughter into her preschool classroom. She looked for her name tag and picked it up off of the little table. As I clipped it onto her dress, I noticed her teacher motioning me with her hand to come speak with her. Her face carried a smirk, one that I had seen before when I was a kid.
I was in trouble.
I stood up and immediately started sweating. "What'd I do?" I thought. She waved toward herself, inviting me to go with her away from the other parents. Then she began talking in a low whisper. "I have to tell you something," she said. "Oh, God. What did my daughter say?" I asked.
If her teacher quieted her for speaking the truth, it could have had a negative impact on her.
Scenarios of my worst parenting moments began flashing through my brain, including all of the possible things my daughter has heard me say that she could have mimicked. Which swear word did she repeat in front of the whole class?
"No, no. It's not bad," the teacher said as she started to tell me the story. "So, the kids were all sitting on the carpet, and we began talking about Spring and everything that comes with it. I began telling the children about baby birds hatching and things like that. Then all of a sudden, your daughter raised her hand and blurted out, 'Well, when I was a baby, I came from my mommy's vagina!'"
I had to shove both the laughter and pride down my throat. I paused, and then responded, "Well, she asked me once so I told her the truth." Her teacher said, "No, it was fine actually. Until the one little boy said, 'That's a hole, right?'"
Holy hell.
from
PopSugarThe MM, the Inch, my GF, and I were swimming in a lake in Vermont a week ago and as we walked to the beach there was a sign that said:
WARNING
WATER IS INFESTED WITH EURASIAN WATER MILFOIL
We didn't see any obvious signs of infestation of anything, and we had no idea what Eurasian Water Milfoil was, but the word infestation seemed to imply insects or some sort of dangerous microscopic and dangerous critter.
We're trying to figure out what it might be, milfoil meaning many leaves, but we didn't see any plant life to speak of in the clear lake water.
ME: What the hell is Eurasian Milfoil?
Inch: It's probably not a type of oil.
GF, eh? No wonder you don't come around here no more.
all busy gettin' some MILF oil :D
I'd bet money she's Eurasian, too!
Useless sign. It ought to have been a sign saying to clean any boats (or anything else that might collect plant matter) thoroughly before taking them to other lakes, so it doesn't get transplanted there as well.
Hiya Feets!!! How's things?
Milf oil...That is priceless.
Hi everybody!
I will come back with an update soon, the Cliff's notes version is things are good, have been dating a woman I met on acceptable cherub, she lives about an hour away and is a real sweetheart from the midwest, transplanted to VT.
She has a fantastic sense of humor and we laugh a lot. Making up for lost time in that and other departments.
The kids are getting older, taller, smarter all the time.
It seems like only the other day when I was searching for parenting advice for my newborn and one of the top hits was:
Bringing up the shorties so they aren't completely messed up
Whoa, whoa, whoa, newborn? :eek:
The MM, the Inch, my GF, and I were swimming in a lake in Vermont a week ago and as we walked to the beach there was a sign that said:
WARNING
WATER IS INFESTED WITH EURASIAN WATER MILFOIL
We didn't see any obvious signs of infestation of anything, and we had no idea what Eurasian Water Milfoil was, but the word infestation seemed to imply insects or some sort of dangerous microscopic and dangerous critter.
We're trying to figure out what it might be, milfoil meaning many leaves, but we didn't see any plant life to speak of in the clear lake water.
ME: What the hell is Eurasian Milfoil?
Inch: It's probably not a type of oil.
Its Ok to swim there as long as your ears don't get submerged and don't pee in the water as they swim up your urethral canal.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, newborn? :eek:
He said "seems like just the other day," as in, that was what brought him to the cellar all those years ago, when the inch was a newborn.
Glad you're doing well, foot! This new GF believes we're real people, right?
This new GF believes we're real people, right?
I'm still not sure.
So far she hasn't doubted your existence.
I even told her my handle so she could research the unvarnished me before we started dating. It's been a little longer than a year that we've been going out. I guess what she read didn't scare her off.
Useless sign. It ought to have been a sign saying to clean any boats (or anything else that might collect plant matter) thoroughly before taking them to other lakes, so it doesn't get transplanted there as well.
Yes. We have "Rock snot" in the rivers around where I live. The signs are much clearer about what to do and not to do, vis-a-vis, shoes and water craft.
So far she hasn't doubted your existence.
I even told her my handle so she could research the unvarnished me before we started dating. It's been a little longer than a year that we've been going out. I guess what she read didn't scare her off.
She prolly has read some of my edumacated lines of wit and decided we are full of shit.
might want to lock down any boat threads
might want to lock down any boat threads
LMAO!
PoloGirl (College senior) is taking a dull, non-genius-level class to complete her ?science requirement for graduation. Something to do with the environment and people.... All other students are taking it for the same reason. She was telling me that the prof is clearly not used to having students who can write. He's set a homework that's a minimum 600 words, and told the class "don't worry if you're struggling, you can treat it as a series of long-answer questions and not string them together as an essay. Just start writing, you'll be amazed at how much you can actually write".
She said "my problem is getting it down to 600. I can't sneeze in less than 600 words". I larfed.
I can't sneeze in less than 600 words".
Sounds like a female to me.:lol2:
Yeah I warped the thread, Precious. Turned it around even.
Popdigr went to visit Grandmadigr at the home (she'll be 101 in Feb:fingerx:) and she was in what would be the dayroom if it were a jail, and there was old Mrs. Doe sitting in a wheelchair beside her. Mrs. Doe was married to Mr. Doe, a preacher, for like 70-some odd years. Sweetest-looking li'l old lady you ever did see. One of the nurses was trying to get her to finish as much of her lunch as she could:
"Mrs. Doe can't ya get the rest of this Ensure down? You really need to finish it."
Mrs. Doe replied with, and I quote:
"Now look here you cock-sucking bitch, I told you I was done, and I'm done. Now get that shit away from me."
Popdigr said venom dripped from every word.
True Story™.:lol2:
PoloGirl (College senior) is taking a dull, non-genius-level class to complete her ?science requirement for graduation. Something to do with the environment and people.... All other students are taking it for the same reason. She was telling me that the prof is clearly not used to having students who can write. He's set a homework that's a minimum 600 words, and told the class "don't worry if you're struggling, you can treat it as a series of long-answer questions and not string them together as an essay. Just start writing, you'll be amazed at how much you can actually write".
She said "my problem is getting it down to 600. I can't sneeze in less than 600 words". I larfed.
Ha!
Lil' Griff said the same thing (well not the sneezing bit) about the essay she wrote to get into grad school. There is such a range of expectations out there with some schools still asking so very little that you need to know your audience.
But haven't you heard? EVERYONE should go to college!
But haven't you heard? EVERYONE should go to college!
My bass playing nephew dropped out of college to focus on his playing but is also apprenticing part-time as an electrician. He's smarter than most.
That's a great combination. I should have done it.
At least a third of bar gigs have questionable power available for you. "Everybody plug into this outlet"
One outdoor place a few years ago handed us a single, very frayed extension cable for everything
My buddy has 8 full time plumbers working for him, each one gets a van, tools and gas. None went to college, one is a convicted felon due to a youthful indiscretion. They all work unsupervised most of the time, make 6 figures a year, and will never be unemployed unless they want to.
Another thing is most of the trades people are at least 40, more likely 50 to 60ish and nobody coming up to replace them.
Robots will not be plumbing old houses any time soon.
At work today, received a text from Thunderboy, lost and hence late for orientation for his new term time job (lifeguard at u of m).... "Fucking shitting fuck nuggets, I can't find the fucking building". No doubt about his family tree then.... :Lol:
It's that he's chronically late and still took the time to type that which amuses me the most. I think. Although it would have been better to just fucking call me for help....
21yo son decided to teach 18yo son to cook chicken sauce w pasta tonight. Bless.
Fortunately my mouth was empty when I overheard this gem:
"You know the correct term for cooked pasta? Al dente? yeah, ok... ...you just don't want it to be like ...you know... floppy dick"
Lol!!
Well, who likes floppy dick?!
:lol2:
well if it's an 8" I guess there's potential....
Well, who likes floppy dick?!
Not me. I replaced mine with a CD ROM drive.
