How to train a man
Oh yeah, I must be SUCH a control freak because I would like my husband to hang my towel up instead of leaving it bunched up on the couch, and how awful of me to want a native russian speaker to spend 5 minutes a day helping me learn. And any woman who doesn't like to fall in the toilet in the wee hours of the morning because her husband left the seat up is CRAZY.
The title was meant to attract attention, but I'm not trying to "train" my husband, jesus. I think that we should share equal responsibilities in the household. We both work and pay half of the bills. I do all of the cooking, dishes, bill-paying, errands like grocery shopping, going to the bank, etc. I bring him coffee and breakfast in bed to be nice, and I make his lunch for him.
He works and watches tv and reads the news online.
These are 100% of my household expectations for him:
1) put the toilet seat down, I don't want to fall in.
2) after you throw my towel on the couch, hang it back up after you shower, because if it's wet, it starts to smell like mold, and the dog lays on it.
3) you are a native russian speaker and I am trying to learn. I spend hours everday cooking or cleaning or doing errands. Please give me 5-10 minutes of your time to help me.
4) please don't be a TOTAL slob. I don't mind if you leave your dirty socks and clothes on the floor, I'm used to it. But the living room looks like crap because you're living out of a laundry bag on the couch.
5) Drink, eat and smoke whatever and whenever you want. Just be happy. I don't care how many hours you watch t.v or how often you screw me, or if you have to work overtime. I can live with a kiss in the morning and at night and let's cuddle while we sleep. A day together once a week is nice.
the end.
One more post, I don't know why I so offended, but I HATE being misunderstood. I try to word my title with a sense of humor and then I get a recommendation to read a control freak book. All I was trying to do is find out a good way to communicate to my husband when something is important to me.
Another thing I really hate is when someone is nice to me and then all of a sudden they are rude. That really drives me crazy. That's where my problems at work came from. The cook that brought me to a meltdown was always so nice and friendly to me and then he got in a bad mood, took it out on me, and I just couldn't handle it. It would've been so much easier if he had just been a jerk to me all of the time. Same thing with that mangirl. We were chatting and she was acting all friendly to me, and then bam, she's being a total bitch to me. WHY?
same here with UT. I've been coming to the Cellar for a year, and I had the impression that he was one of the most sensitive and thoughtful people here. Then, I ask how I can get my husband to hang up my towel, and now I'm a control freak and my husband is being abused.
Interacting with people can really suck. Especially when you're doing it in your free time for your own enjoyment and then someone you respect insults you and makes you feel like crap and your free time is now being spent in a pissy mood. UGH.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
- Elanor Roosevelt.
Stacey,
I truly don't think UT was trying to offiend you, or was being a jerk in any way. However, if you think about it, perhaps the way you titled the thread may have been more than a little offensive to some men who don't think they need training. (Because they more than likely don't)
And we've discussed the Up/Down toilet seat thing before....very touchy subject if I remember correctly.
HtH
Kellie
Stacey, try this one.
I can't recommend this book strongly enough. If women want to understand how to handle the strong but silent type or if men want to understand the paradox of women who get pissed off when men "solve" the problem they are complaining about then this is the book for you.
And Stace...this book will help you understand why you should
not be pissed at UT. Interestingly, the book will explain how your anger at his sincere attempt to help you is
seriously misplaced. Edumacate thyself.
My ex-wife had control issues, bought the first book and it didn't really help.
We're divorced now.
Stacey, you have control issues.
Good luck with your relationship.
Thankyou LJ, cellar would be devoid of discussion and debate without your constructive input.
1) put the toilet seat down, I don't want to fall in.
How hard is it to check before you sit down?
My ex-wife had control issues, bought the first book and it didn't really help.
We're divorced now.
Stacey, you have control issues.
Good luck with your relationship.
Stacey, I think UT may just be taunting you to get a reaction
:stickpoke
I have often wondered why the toilet seat thing is even an issue ... If I leave it down, he needs to put it up. If he puts it up, I need to put it down. Sounds like an adequate division of responsibilities to me ...
Stacey , its REAL easy men are dogs and women are cats . Like a dog if you feed him , rub his belly ;) , and let him go play with his friends he is happy !!
You cant make a woman happy, they are or they arn't , just like a cat !!!
Let the towle sit for a few days then drape it over his head , smile as you do this . He'll get the hint .
Put your own damn toilet seat down , you didn't leave it up for him , did you ?????
Talk dirty to him in russian , or leave him little " fuck me " notes in russian .
Thankyou LJ, cellar would be devoid of discussion and debate without your constructive input.
cock!
ps. i wasn't calling UT a cock. I was just saying it because its a meaningless argument. I
was, however calling Jag a cock........that's because he
is one.
Stacey, I think UT may just be taunting you to get a reaction
:stickpoke
After further discussion with UT, I rescind my previous statement :)
J didn't notice that Stace had deleted her first comment wherein Stace noted that she wrote a note in black marker on the bottom of her toilet seat to get Arsen to put the seat down.
So shouldn't Arsen now write a little note on the top of the seat reminding Stacey to leave it up when she's done?
I think the foundation of the "up/down" argument comes from the notion that women have no choice but to sit during urination, whereas men usually stand. This means that men sit only approximately half as much as women, who sit 100% of the time (except during hovering while using public restrooms, where the facilities are segregated and therefore not an up/down issue), therefore, the seat should be left down because women do not ever need it to be up.
Is that about right, ladies?
J didn't notice that Stace had deleted her first comment wherein Stace noted that she wrote a note in black marker on the bottom of her toilet seat to get Arsen to put the seat down.
Simple solution: Get an off-white (or more colorful) toilet seat.
Els,
It's not an issue of fairness over who sits more--it legitimately has to do with falling in. Many women don't look before they sit. If the seat is up, it makes for a very unpleasant experience. Even if you take the opposite scenario to its illogical conclusion, if a man starts peeing before he sees whether the seat is up, worst thing that happens is the seat gets a few drops of piss on it. And the guy probably isn't even fazed by that outcome.
Personally, my husband's neurotic about the LID having to always be down, so the seat isn't an issue in my house.
I think the toilet seat issue can be made easier - Put the LID down. That way, nobody falls in, everybody has to put the seat down (before the lid), the dog or cat does not drink out of it,.....and I saw something one saying that when you flush, toliet water can actually spray a fine mist of toilet water particles around in the air and onto the sink, toothbrushes, etc..... . A solution possibly?
...when you flush, toliet water can actually spray a fine mist of toilet water particles around in the air and onto the sink, toothbrushes, etc....
Uh Oh, a newbie has unwittingly opened the Pandora's box that is
the poop molecule. Flee for your lives.
Oops...please focus on the "lid down" issue....
And stacyv.......
Regarding your first post - I fell your pain. I have been struggling for almost three years now with my "new" husband and thirteen year old step-daughter with issues like your "wet towel flung on the living room furniture. I don't want to constanly pick up after them but if I didn't, the house would be a pig sty. Fortunately, my son doesn't walk around making messes, and he does help me out, but that just seems to cause problems that we don't normally have around here, trying to blend these two "half families" into one.
I'm not asking anyone to do any major cleaning - just pick up after yourself. I feel like I'm asking for so little, but a little that means a lot to me. Is it too much to ask?! How DO you get people to pick up after themselves??!!
How DO you get people to pick up after themselves??!!
You train them as children.
How DO you get people to pick up after themselves??!!
There's no doubt about it - trying to "blend families" can be very difficult and test even the strongest of relationships. The fact is when you marry or join lives with another you're committing to a group dynamic that is exponentially more complex.
Ultimately, you can't make others change "bad" habits. Granted, there's a certain level of compromise that committing partners may willingly make with each other, but if your man is naturally messy and has passed on these qualities to his daughter, then the chances are slim that this will change dramatically.
I think you have to accept others for who they are (especially those most important in your life). Cherish what is wonderful about them and forgive them their "faults". We all have things about us which others may find frustrating, strange or difficult to deal with.
I guess the trick is knowing your partner well enough to understand if there is truly a "deal breaker" before you make the long term committment.
I have often wondered why the toilet seat thing is even an issue ... If I leave it down, he needs to put it up. If he puts it up, I need to put it down. Sounds like an adequate division of responsibilities to me ...
Well said, Wolf. I believe that is the most logical and sensible comment I've read on the whole lid up/down issue. :thumbsup:
I have often wondered why the toilet seat thing is even an issue ... If I leave it down, he needs to put it up. If he puts it up, I need to put it down. Sounds like an adequate division of responsibilities to me ...
That is so profound - really! I've never thought of it that way. :thumbsup:
You really do love cock don't you lj.
Clod, how frigging hard is it to look?! Seriously, all it takes is the most cursary of glances! Unless you walk backwards into the bathroom or something I can't understand how you can't look....
Ahh, neat freaks versus slobs. Forget trying to change the slobs, it'll just all end in tears. Just break up and move out now. The slobs aren't going to "pick up after themselves" because it's a lot of work for basically no reward; since they don't have the neatfreak gene, they'll always put the stuff in the "wrong" place, so it won't even stop the nagging. The neatfreak gets angry because she feels the slob isn't carrying his part of the load; the slob sees what the neatfreak is doing as unnecessary and even undesirable (in that stuff is no longer where he left it), so feels no need to help.
I've always wondered how people can take a flying butt leap at the toilet in the dark without some trepidation. Especially if you're as narrow as Lady Sidhe is. She ends up in the water.
We're Americans, Jag. We don't ever look at the toilet. It's a cultural thing. Goes hand in hand with why we don't have a Page 6 Girl.
Oh, and you NEVER EVER EVER sit on a public toilet. Oh my goodness, El, what were you thinking!!
Oh, and you NEVER EVER EVER sit on a public toilet. Oh my goodness, El, what were you thinking!!
Bullshit! had an episode about that, it was interesting.
I don't get Showtime ... was the result that the average public toilet is more sanitary than the average home one?
Bullshit! had an episode about that, it was interesting.
[Busted]I thought you didn't have a TV[/Busted]
When not in use, toilets should be closed, just like cabinets, trash cans, closet doors, etc. It's all about
esthetics.
[color=#000000] And besides, Partly Open and Fully Open still leave every visitor and passerby with a clear view of that gaping abyss wherein we all deposit our undesirables. It seems obvious that none but the most unimaginative can escape the horrors that such a sight recurringly conjures to the mind in vivid and unsettling detail.[/color]
I don't get Showtime ... was the result that the average public toilet is more sanitary than the average home one?
There was apparently very little difference, uring being sterile and neutral, an poop being confined to the inside of the receptacle.
The even did cultures of people's asses and faces, and one guys balls.
[Busted]I thought you didn't have a TV[/Busted]
Ah ha, monsewer smartass, it is true that I do not have television, but I do have
ftp.
On training men: Who do you think you are? Who is to train YOU now?
Flippant
Goes hand in hand with why we don't have a Page 6 Girl.
It's page 3, page 3! Ah the Sun, it'd make good toilet paper if the ink wasn't so cheap.
I realized after my husband and I moved in together (just a few months before we got married) that he is a pig when it comes to cleaning up after himself. Somehow his clothes end up EVERYWHERE. All over the living room, dining room, bedroom and bathroom. I stopped picking them up. There was a pile of clothes in the corner of our bathroom that was almost as tall as me. I jokingly asked if he was trying to go for a worlds record. He laughed. I told his Mom. She put him in check. The whole apartment was husband-clothes free for a few days. This morning I tripped over a pair of shorts in the dining room. *sigh* It was good while it lasted.
As for the toilet seat... We BOTH keep the seat and lid down because our cats like to swim in the toilet water. Not fun to clean up.
I read a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It's written by a nut-job, but she had a few fine points. Feed and Fuck your husband and you'll get pretty much whatever you want in return. It's working. Amazing what simple creatures they are. :D I love my husband!
There was apparently very little difference, uring being sterile and neutral, an poop being confined to the inside of the receptacle.
Urine is
normally sterile, on exit. Then it becomes an excellent medium for bacterial culture.
My answer for the toilet seat issue is not for everyone.
I used to lift the seat for urination. Once I got my Prince Albert piercing, I have to sit too. Take your husband to the piercing salon and tie him to the chair. Trust me on that last bit. Give it six weeks to heal and he'll be fully trained to sit. Or else have a lot of shoes (or socks, natch) with piddle puddles on them.
Oh, and YOU will enjoy the piercing too. Or so I'm told. Every woman who has test-driven mine has had high praise for the (painful) procedure.
It only hurts for a few minutes. Bandages can come off after 24-48 hours. Let heal for six weeks. "It" probably won't come out to play in that time anyway. But when it does...HOO BOY!
YMMV
Brian
ew.
I say everyone is responsible for themselves. I'm shutting my door.
A gentleman at the Pagan Festival last year was walking around with several items (apparently heavy ones) of jewelry type adornment dangling from his Prince Albert piercing.
We all began referring to it as a mobile.
A gentleman at the Pagan Festival last year was walking around with several items (apparently heavy ones) of jewelry type adornment dangling from his Prince Albert piercing.
We all began referring to it as a mobile.
People are strange.
People are strange.
Let's not forget about
Mr. Lifto .
BrianR--I need details. Just exactly HOW much better is it now with the, uh, ornamental stuff?? And Jag, for the record, I've only walked into the bathroom backwards twice.
so, brian....when you give someone anal, it gives a whole new meaning to
"Prince Albert in a can", no?....:rimshot:
Let's not forget about Mr. Lifto .
I am very, very distressed over Mr. Lifto's choice of the Star Trek: Original Series Science Section Shirt.
I am moderately impressed that it has the correct patch.
Oh.
Hell.
I get it.
He's a geek.
And he found a way to express it without having to bite the head off a chicken.
Ha.
And he found a way to express it without having to bite the head off a chicken.
Just try to catch the Jim Rose Circus.
I believe I saw a piece on them as part of a History Channel Documentary on Circus Freaks.
BrianR--I need details. Just exactly HOW much better is it now with the, uh, ornamental stuff?? And Jag, for the record, I've only walked into the bathroom backwards twice.
Well, since I cannot speak from experience, you'd have to ask someone who has tried me both ways. I admit, skill is a big part of it, not to, ahem, toot my own horn but that counts too. The ring just rubs the internal fun parts in a way that is unaccustomed to the female and apparently in a good way. No one has asked for their money back although for some acts removal of the ring has been requested. And granted. Mr Happy works well either way. ;)
and LJ, *groan* :thumbsdn:
Brian
i would think that having a thingy in your thingy would give the ladies all KINDS of ways to control you (notice the seamless integration of the original thread subject and the hijack).
A 9-volt battery could ruin your day. or the MRI machine at the hospital.
my pee pee is sensitive enough, i can't imagine exposing it to further risk. but i'm a baby that way.
There's also the inevitable argument that a real man doesn't need mechanical augmentation.
Not that I necessrily agree with that, I'm equally entertained by augmented or unaugmented boobs personally.
I have seen TOOOOO many people lead around by their pierceings to do something like that , one time that comes to mind when i was in the USMC this dude had this real cool and intricate eagle globe and ancor ear ring ( USMC emblome) , we were standing in formation for an inspection at attention , the first Sgt was walking thru looking at us , makeing corrections , giveing us good natured hell ,etc,,, he stops in front of dude , stares at him and reaches up and PULLS the ear ring off telling him to stay at attention , then calmly starts complementing him on the detail of said ear ring, even calling over other staff NCOs to see it , all the while dude is bleeding BAD !!!!!!
And THAT is why I will NEVER have a peircing !!!!!!
Also i read some where about a girl that looked like she fell face first into a tackle box , she was walking on some slippery rocks and fell face first on to a rock , a pierceing or 2-3-4 pierced her back !!!!!!
Anybody wearing jewelry like that in formation deserves what he gets. I was about to spot him points for being an eager young recruit, but it took only a second's consideration to revoke them.
Dumbass.
He did better than me , i got busted wearing a black Led Zeplin t shirt under my Alphas once , it was my lucky t shirt and i had worn it for MANY inspections and done well at all of them , I got to do MANY push ups for that and scrub toilets for a week or so :)
Mr.Lifto works at my favorite bar.
Yes, I basically joined just to say that.
Oh yeah, I must be SUCH a control freak because I would like my husband to hang my towel up instead of leaving it bunched up on the couch, and how awful of me to want a native russian speaker to spend 5 minutes a day helping me learn. And any woman who doesn't like to fall in the toilet in the wee hours of the morning because her husband left the seat up is CRAZY.
The title was meant to attract attention, but I'm not trying to "train" my husband, jesus. I think that we should share equal responsibilities in the household. We both work and pay half of the bills. I do all of the cooking, dishes, bill-paying, errands like grocery shopping, going to the bank, etc. I bring him coffee and breakfast in bed to be nice, and I make his lunch for him.
He works and watches tv and reads the news online.
These are 100% of my household expectations for him:
1) put the toilet seat down, I don't want to fall in.
2) after you throw my towel on the couch, hang it back up after you shower, because if it's wet, it starts to smell like mold, and the dog lays on it.
3) you are a native russian speaker and I am trying to learn. I spend hours everday cooking or cleaning or doing errands. Please give me 5-10 minutes of your time to help me.
4) please don't be a TOTAL slob. I don't mind if you leave your dirty socks and clothes on the floor, I'm used to it. But the living room looks like crap because you're living out of a laundry bag on the couch.
5) Drink, eat and smoke whatever and whenever you want. Just be happy. I don't care how many hours you watch t.v or how often you screw me, or if you have to work overtime. I can live with a kiss in the morning and at night and let's cuddle while we sleep. A day together once a week is nice.
the end.
Apparently, it works both ways. My brother is obsessive-compulsive about cleaning. It appears to be aperonality trait, not a gender issue. Sure enough his wife gets really pissed off about his need for order. You know if there are any single gals out there; who need a husband that is obsessive about anything. Go to the nearest psychiatric hospital and you can find the man of your dreams.
Mr.Lifto works at my favorite bar.
Yes, I basically joined just to say that.
We all have our reasons. Welcome aboard.
Well thank you. I guess I should post on some other threads now.
no kidding!!!
My man is twenty plus years older than me and you cannot teach a old dog new tricks.
But, I am a person of compassion.... and dont whack him too often with a newspaper.
Withholding punishment? Was he that bad?
I had a freakout at work the other night.
I am on a shift with mostly males, unless we have part-timers in (this includes the doc, and the ambulance crew).
I can deal with the seat up thing. That still doesn't bother me. I habitually check before I sit ... but I went into the bathroom to find an empty toilet paper roll on the holder, and an unbearable stench.
Light a goddamn match at least, or make a courtesy spray of the OSHA-approved air freshener we have four cans of in the bathroom. Light a match, leave the fan running, do something!!
I felt much better after the yelling.
And some chocolate.
I got my husband to hang my towel up :) I'm proud of myself for being so creative. I told him that I would hide his keys and cigarettes under it if I found it laying on the couch, and I would let him search the whole damn apartment for them. I didn't even have to really do it, somehow, just the threat seemed to work. He thought my threat was cute, so it was a win-win situation.
I usually hold big, long grudges, but I've decided not to let Undertoad's comments get to me, because they aren't true. He only thinks I'm a control freak because his ex-wife was. It's kind of like if your last boyfriend did drugs, you would probably start accusing more guys of doing drugs- even if they were just tired, hungover, or stressed out, you would probably be envisioning them in the bathroom snorting coke or whatever, this isn't the best example, but you know what I mean...What we experience in life stays with us and is part of our unique filter that we see the world through. So, because UT's ex was a control freak, he sees me trying to get my husband to do something minor and normal like hanging up a towel, and automatically assumes I'm a control freak. Silly, really. Especially since I let my husband pick out the color of my coat- I wanted red, he wanted tan- I got tan, He told me I shouldn't drink because I had a cold, so I didn't, I let him pick out danios for the fishtank even though they look stupid in there with the african cichlids and they'll probably eventually get killed, I worked last night and told him to go ahead and get drunk with his friends as long as he would come pick me up after work, etc. I could go on and on, but what's the point?
One thing I really need to learn is how to not let people's comments get to me, especially when they aren't true, and to stop being so defensive, because as long as I know who I really am, it shouldn't matter what other people think. I'm working on it...
I worked last night and told him to go ahead and get drunk with his friends as long as he would come pick me up after work
Come pick you up after he was drunk? Or after he was drunk and sobered up again?
life is a darwinian process folks. here honey, i'm going to go to work. you get loaded with your friends then come pick me up. i recommend that you drive very fast. in reverse. on the interstate. flip off the cops if you get a chance. i'll be waiting for you.
well, if that's not a sign that I am not a control freak, I don't know what is! ;)
Come on, he's russian- he drives better when he's drunk.
(okay, he didn't get shit-faced, he just had a few drinks, okay?)
Come on, he's russian- he drives better when he's drunk.
only on russian streets. american streets are much trickier. and more importantly, we care a little more about the people getting creamed by drunk drivers.
I got my husband to hang my towel up :)
This I don't understand. I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but if it's your towel, shouldn't you be the one hanging it up? Unless you mean the towel belongs to you but he's using it. But then I think "well, they're married. Do people really continue to keep something as trivial as linens separated into 'His' and 'Hers'? And if so, do they actually say 'His' and 'Hers'. And if they do, why is he using one that says 'Hers'? Did I wash any towels this week? Because I am NOT using a Spongebob beach towel!"
perth, I do hang my own towel up. He throws it on the couch before he gets in the shower because I hang it on the shower rod and it's in his way. My grandmother gave me leopard print towels for my birthday, so I use those- that's how I know it's mine. I wouldn't really care if he used my towel, we are just in the habit of using our own towels that we had before we knew each other.
perth, I do hang my own towel up. He throws it on the couch before he gets in the shower because I hang it on the shower rod and it's in his way. My grandmother gave me leopard print towels for my birthday, so I use those- that's how I know it's mine. I wouldn't really care if he used my towel, we are just in the habit of using our own towels that we had before we knew each other.
I want to play, too. Correct me if necessary:
When you get done showering, you flop your nasty wet towel over the shower curtain rod, knowing that it will be in the way of the next person to use it (presumably arsen). When the next person moves the towel that you put in their way, it becomes their responsibility to put it where it belongs (I'm assuming this place might be the laundry hamper or a towel rack. If they don't do it, you threaten them with the kidnapping of their own belongings.
I'm going to look up "control" one last time, just in case I missed something.
Please remember also that I totally took up for you when you were having that little episode last year w/your husband..i'm not being a jerk.
I CAN'T use the towel rack because Arsen has taken over it. There's no room on it because he uses two towels, so I have no choice but to hang mine on the shower rod. I reuse my towel, so it doesn't belong in the dirty laundry. And it's not dirty, I only use it to dry my clean hair, I use a bathrobe for my body. Now, if you move something, you should put it back, right?
I'm throwing in the towel on this topic ;)
well, staceyv- i'm just not convinced we are getting the whole story. the only solution i see is for you to record your morning routine, (climb in the shower, get out, dry off, hang towel, etc...) so that we can truly understand the issues we are dealing with.... no really, this is all in the name of conflict resolution.
No...no, I'm sure he's serious. Why? Are you considering doing this to prove your case?
Well, I didn't actually mean to cause trouble, I just wasn't understanding when Stacey referred to "her" towel in this context. I do have a suggestion, bearing in mind that I have no idea how the bathroom is laid out. Head over to Wal-Mart or Home Depot or whatever, and get a couple of nice towel rods. He gets to do the awesome guy thing by installing them, and the towel problem is solved because there's a couple racks available now. :)
perth, that is an excellent idea. Really, really, really good. But I've finally gotten him to hang the damn thing up, and now, when he does, I feel like "aww, he thought of me this morning, he really cares about me" although, what he's probably thinking is "i don't want to hear her bitch, i'm gonna hang this up".
Yeah, the extra towel rod is a great idea.
arsen uses 2 towels? he weighs what, a buck fifty soaking wet. What's he drying, anyway?
perhaps if you were to actually FILM the showering process, we could get a clearer picture. i'm just saying.
*sigh* guess i'll go back over to the atheism thread and argue.
he calls one of them his "ass towel". Does that help?
is he aware that he can just wash that in the shower and then it would also be clean before he dries it? or don't they teach that in russia?
I tried to tell him that- I even wiped my mouth with it after I brushed my teeth, to demonstrate, but I guess he just feels better using a separate towel on his ass.
I tried to tell him that- I even wiped my mouth with it after I brushed my teeth, to demonstrate, but I guess he just feels better using a separate towel on his ass.
did he go ":eek: !!" ?
he calls one of them his "ass towel". Does that help?
Hey--he can have mine, and if he needs more, he can check
here.
is he aware that he can just wash that in the shower and then it would also be clean before he dries it? or don't they teach that in russia?
:hafucking :bawling: :hafucking :bawling: :devil: .
i can't breathe...stop... lol
Just to throw in $.02 worth, I'm all for the pictoral reenactment of the shower scene, (minus the ass toweling of course). I believe it will help us all better understand the problem here. ;)
This is the best I could do :)
I just hope the towel isn't white.
perth, that is an excellent idea. Really, really, really good. But I've finally gotten him to hang the damn thing up, and now, when he does, I feel like "aww, he thought of me this morning, he really cares about me" although, what he's probably thinking is "i don't want to hear her bitch, i'm gonna hang this up".
Yeah, the extra towel rod is a great idea.
Take it from a long married person. This is one of the major keys to a happy marriage.
Think of another way. The idea is not to force the other person to do it your way. The idea is to make both of you happy in your relationship.
I was thinking about your desire to have Arsen teach you Russian. If you're thinking of Russian 'lessons', well if I were Arsen, that wouldn't sound like a lot of fun to me either.
Think of another way.
Incorporate it into your everyday routine.
Buy a Russian<>English dictionary and label the furniture and stuff in your house. Get a book on Russian to learn a few simple verbs. Learn to say things like "Your keys are on the dresser", and "Please stop flipping the channels" in Russian.
Make a Russian list of the foods in the pantry and fridge. Then learn a few more verbs and start using it on Arsen. Once you can say "Please pass the potatoes" in Russian, you can start trying to make dinner a Russian-only time.
Have him say the name of a body part and then kiss it. - Gotta be more fun than 'lessons'.
Play "I Spy" in the car - in Russian.
I'm sure you can think of lots more.
I usually hold big, long grudges, but I've decided not to let Undertoad's comments get to me, because they aren't true.
~snip~
One thing I really need to learn is how to not let people's comments get to me, especially when they aren't true, and to stop being so defensive, because as long as I know who I really am, it shouldn't matter what other people think. I'm working on it...
...not to let it get to you.....how long ago did he say that?
The BBC has a nice language section. I found a one-pager on Russian phrases here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/other/quickfix/russian.shtml.
I couldn't find the phrase "hang your fucking towell up before I hang you with it." but I'm sure you can peice it together :)
And a quick thought: letting people know that their no-offense-intended observations bother you is a very effective way to keep everyone at a safe distance.
I am actually teaching myself russian. I don't learn very well from personal "lessons". I learn better on my own. I've been studying it for about a year now, and I can read stories in Russian and write sentences. I'm using a college textbook and I do all the grammar excercises in a little notebook. I also have a dictionary and a bunch of other tutorial books and cds. All I really want Arsen to do is just read about 5 pages and correct my mistakes so I can see where I messed up. It really only takes about 5 minutes. It's like you or I reading a short magazine article- it's a breeze for him. I spend at least 10 hours a week cooking and doing other household errands, so I think it's fair to ask him for 5 minutes a day! But I never asked him to teach me russian, I can do that myself.
LJ, yes, it has been a few months, but like I said- I hold really really long grudges. That one was simply long. I'm getting better! :)
And a quick thought: letting people know that their no-offense-intended observations bother you is a very effective way to keep everyone at a safe distance.
The people that give those types of biased observations are people who I would rather keep at a safe distance.
All I really want Arsen to do is just read about 5 pages and correct my mistakes so I can see where I messed up. It really only takes about 5 minutes. It's like you or I reading a short magazine article- it's a breeze for him. I spend at least 10 hours a week cooking and doing other household errands, so I think it's fair to ask him for 5 minutes a day! But I never asked him to teach me russian, I can do that myself.
Ah. Different issue then. Seems like a small request. When you say, "Honey would you check this for me?", what does he say?
she doesn't know - he responds in russian.
yahb tvoyu mat.
although stacey probably knows that one already.
something about your mother? I didn't get the "yahb".
When I ask him to look something over, he'll usually say :"later, right now I'm busy"
(busy reading movie reviews online!) or he'll be tired and say he'll do it tomorrow, or he'll say he's drunk, etc...He does do it about 80% of the time if I stand there and ask him to please look at it, BUT, if I leave it for him to do while I'm at work, no way. I have to be right there or he won't get around to it.
It means "fuck your mother." At least that's how I learned it anyway.
It's often used as an expression of wonderment and disbelief.
When my wife and I were dating and for a while after we got married, I tried to learn her native language. But she wasn't really much help - not because she didn't want me to learn but more, I think, because its really boring to teach your spouse a language that you are fluent in.
With what I know now, I would try to learn it on your own. And use it more with his friends than with him. That'll get him more interested in talking to you in Russian.
When I ask him to look something over, he'll usually say :"later, right now I'm busy"...
or he'll be tired and say he'll do it tomorrow, or he'll say he's drunk, etc...He does do it about 80% of the time if I stand there and ask him to please look at it, BUT, if I leave it for him to do while I'm at work, no way. I have to be right there or he won't get around to it.
Wow! Sounds just like my kid! (except he usually doesn't plead drunkenness right to my face--yet) Really! It's the same with him! Who needs a husband!
Better yet, learn a third language that he doesn't know, and use THAT around the house.
It won't help you learn Russian, but at least he will share in your frustration.
When I ask him to look something over, he'll usually say :"later, right now I'm busy"
(busy reading movie reviews online!) or he'll be tired and say he'll do it tomorrow, or he'll say he's drunk, etc...He does do it about 80% of the time if I stand there and ask him to please look at it, BUT, if I leave it for him to do while I'm at work, no way. I have to be right there or he won't get around to it.
In order to make any progress, you'll have to figure out why he doesn't want to do this. It's boring? He doesn't want you to be able to read Russian? He's being obstinate because you and he are still playing the "Who's the boss?" game and "by golly, you can't make him".
Here's the other side. Why do you want to learn to read/write Russian? Is it worth making a fuss over? Would spoken Russian do as well? If it really only takes five minutes, why don't you sit with him and have him tell you what he thinks?