please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug...
I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have zero ability to handle stress. Little things that don't matter at all upset me so much. My boss said something to me today about the order I did my side work in.....long story, but to summarize, I did all of my work, she just wasn't paying attention. Then I was carrying a huge box of napkins and paper towels up from the basement and the bottom of the box broke and everything went flying down the stairs..what a pain. Then, I'm working with this chick who has a man's voice and a macho overly assertive attitude and I was trying to vent a little by telling her about all of this crap, and she looks at me and goes "Deal with it! Why are you telling me all of this?"blahblahblah....So I told her she's rude and I won't try venting to her again, but I was so upset after I walked away that I started crying in the busroom and I was all shaky.
I don't think that was a good reason to cry, I feel like I'm too sensitive, like I should have a thicker skin, like something is wrong with me. I don't have PMS, everything at home is fine, I just get so upset about stupid little things...This is just one example.
Last year one of the cooks gave me a hard time, I was really busy, Had a little hangover...I got so stressed out that I started crying and I couldn't stop and my boss had to wait on my tables.
When I was new there I heard a girl say "I thought I sucked when I was new!" (accent the second I), once again, I'm crying...
It happened before with another girl who wqas rude to me when I was new, and last summer I found myself crying at work twice in one week because I was stressed out...
Even if I'm not brought to tears, I find myself complaining, bitching, whining and moaning about things that upset me, stuff that isn't right, stuff that goes wrong...
Why are my feelings so easily hurt? Mostly the things that set me off are when people I work with are rude, or if I have no control over the situation. If someone treats me rudely, I want to punch them in the face, but I know I can't, so I just cry. I'm nice to everyone I work with. I listen if someone wants to vent, I'm easy on the new people and my bussers. I have such a hard time dealing with rude people who lack compassion or empathy. I hold in too much anger because I can't say and do what I want, I have to be so fake and polite all the time at work. Any self help book suggestions?
Is there a good self help book out there for me?
Stacey, what you are experiencing is *life*. There are plenty of books that will tell you how to live your life, and how to handle stress. Most of them are just making money for their authors. We all experience stress in our jobs; some days are worse than others; some days are great - everything just goes right. If the stress is constant you have to look for an alternate job/career. Just remember that *every* job/career has stress at some stage.
Most of us have to balance the stress level with the monetary returns the job brings in. I find music helps. Try to listen to as much (preferably non violent/noisy) music as possible. Yoga often helps people relax too.
My office overlooks Sydney Harbour. I get paid well - very well. I worked hard for this job, and it is often stressful. You have to weigh up the good with the bad.
Hope this helps.
There's a new book called "The Art of War" which has "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu, "The Prince" by Machievelli, and Alexander's letters to his generals.
That book should have everything you need to get a handle on life.
hmmm. sounds like low blood sugar to me. or maybe the overall stress in your life of constant crisis comes to boiling points and you cant deal with the overall frustration you have. stress can build up even when you don't notice it, and then when you are under direct stress, it tips you over the edge. serving is a redundant, repetetive, redundant job. it is also very high stress, and relatively low pay. change careers. you're cute, use it to get a better job. just don't be all mental and talk a million miles per hour at the interview. you should be doing something more low key, but public oriented like selling advertising to businesses, or something. other than that, try smoking a lot of pot before work. ......it works for sycamore.....but then again, he's a garbage man or something, so.....
hmmm. sounds like low blood sugar to me.
LJ may have a good point here. I'm sure Case will forgive me for this, your description sounds a lot like her when her blood sugar was low. She found that by watching her diet carefully, she could even the mood swings out a lot.
For what it's worth, I overcame the depression that pervaded my early twenties by spending about nine months almost completely alone, learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I know that's probably not an option for you, but in my case at least, introspection (a lot of it) proved the best medicine.
I wish I wish I WISH I could smoke pot!! I smoked it everyday in high school, but now, every time I try it I get a major panic attack. I really do have a low tolerance for stress, and I suspected a long time ago that I have low blood sugar, but I don't eat sugar, I cut my caffeine waaay down and I eat protein with almost every meal...
I always think that if I change jobs I would feel better, but I feel like it's a personal problem with me because most of the girls I work with seem to handle the stress just fine. They don't cry as much as I do, but it does happen once in a while...
My husband promised me that as soon as we get out of debt, I can quit my job. It should be about a year. I can't wait, but until then I'm just trying to get through each day. I can't get another job because I have REALLY painful irregular periods, so I have to take off days every month and I don't know when it's coming, so I actually just take a whole week off, or I'd have to call out sick. I don't know of any other employers who would deal with that! I'm also training on the side to do this thing with Visa/MC rates for businesses...
I am going to order a copy of the art of war. Thanks for the recommendation, and thanks, guys for letting me vent. Thanks for being nice!
I just read Perth's post...I have a week off every month, and often it's more like 12 days because I give shifts away to extend it...I feel like I need to relax and have zero stress, so I basically stay in the house the entire time. I try to think about what my life purpose is, what am I here for, what would make me happy, what goals I need to set, what I can do to improve my life...I also sleep A LOT. You would think I'd be completely rejuvenated and ready to handle life's stresses, but I just had 12 days off and today was my second shift back and I was crying!
Maybe I need a whole 9 months- good idea!
I am going to order a copy of the art of war.
Don't order it - go to the library and borrow it. If it clicks for you then buy it later if not, no $ wasted.
I suggest a physical exam or at least some blood tests just to see where your levels are relative to the baselines.
I have a feeling that some better advice will happen along shortly.
Replies by sex:
Guys - 5
Gals - 0
*scratching head*
Here, Beestie, I'll even out that ratio a little... :)
Stacey, I went through a period where I was overreacting to stress like you are, and the larger reason was I was very depressed at the time. Had you asked me then, I also would have said my relationship was going well and everything was fine, but depression isn't always so directly obvious. Maybe talk to a counselor--and get on birth control pills to regulate your periods. They make everything light, easy, and very predictable.
I was just looking up symptoms of depression to suggest that as a cause of your problems but then Clod beat me to it.
Anyway, I did find this
Depression Self-Screener that you might try. Good luck, Stacy.
I can't take the pill because #1, I smoke and I don't want t o be at a high risk for a stroke, and I'm not ready to quit right now, #2, I tried two types of pills and I was having black outs and heart palpitations...
I do seem to be depressed, and I know I would feel better if I could go to the gym and work out every day, but I can't because then I'm too tired/ achey at work and I get way more low blood sugar symptoms because I can't stop to eat at work, I can't even find the time to pee when it's busy- nevermind snack, and if I do stop for a bite, I'll either get dirty looks from people who are busy and think i'm slacking, or someone will call me over to help them. So, no excercise for me...I don't want to take antidepressants. I think I need to change my lifestyle, excercise and do less stressful things with my life. I have just one more year to deal with this crap.
I just ordered some books on Amazon.com- they actually have a book called : "The Highly Sensitive Person" and the description describes me very well- Everything around me seems to affect me, people's moods rub off on me, I can sense people's tension physically, loud noise, smells and bright lights bother me, I'm easily distracted and overwhelmed...Hopefully these books will help, and next year I'll quit this job that is SO wrong for me, excercise and figure out something to do with myself...At least there is light at the end of the tunnel...
I have to work tonight, so I'm going to go and take a 3 hour nap so that I am well rested and hopefully I won't have any breakdowns tonight. Thanks for all the advice :)
I took that depression test, and I scored 14 on a scale of 0-27.."moderate depression". The thing is, I had to answer a lot of the questions about energy and sleep habits as "normal for me" because I have been tired as hell for years now.
I can't take the pill because #1, I smoke and I don't want t o be at a high risk for a stroke, and I'm not ready to quit right now, #2, I tried two types of pills and I was having black outs and heart palpitations...
I do seem to be depressed, and I know I would feel better if I could go to the gym and work out every day, but I can't because then I'm too tired/ achey at work and I get way more low blood sugar symptoms because I can't stop to eat at work, I can't even find the time to pee when it's busy- nevermind snack, and if I do stop for a bite, I'll either get dirty looks from people who are busy and think i'm slacking, or someone will call me over to help them. So, no excercise for me...I don't want to take antidepressants. I think I need to change my lifestyle, excercise and do less stressful things with my life. I have just one more year to deal with this crap.
I just ordered some books on Amazon.com- they actually have a book called : "The Highly Sensitive Person" and the description describes me very well- Everything around me seems to affect me, people's moods rub off on me, I can sense people's tension physically, loud noise, smells and bright lights bother me, I'm easily distracted and overwhelmed...Hopefully these books will help, and next year I'll quit this job that is SO wrong for me, excercise and figure out something to do with myself...At least there is light at the end of the tunnel...
I have to work tonight, so I'm going to go and take a 3 hour nap so that I am well rested and hopefully I won't have any breakdowns tonight. Thanks for all the advice :)
What this post says to
me is, I am not willing to change anything in my life that may be making me the way I am, (changing my lifestyle by quitting smoking, trying a low dose BC pill like Ortho tricyclin-LO, or speak to a psychologist to determine if I am depressed and should be on Zoloft or Paxil etc.) but I want to be fixed anyway. Well, wouldn't it be nice if we all could wish our way to whatever we wanted. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but too bad.
I didn't WANT to take antidepressants either, b/c that would mean admitting I wasn't 'normal'...but after ruling out other possibilities, and talking with a real doctor, it was the only option left. Oh, and my husband said talk to a Dr., or I am leaving. Lo and behold, 4 years later I am a hell of a lot better person, wife, mother, friend, daughter, and co-worker because I was able to admit I had an illness (that it turns out, runs in the family). If you had diabetes, would you say 'but I don't
want to give up chocolate and take a shot everyday?' No, to get better, you would make the necessary life changes, then get on with a better quality of life I would think. So suck it up and talk to a professional. [COLOR=Blue]Zoloft[/COLOR], gift of the gods :)
I'd like to throw in a hearty :thumbsup: for anti-depressant therapy. I've been taking Lexapro (a relatively low dose, actually) for a few years now, and it makes an *enormous* difference in my attitude, my self-loathing, etc.
I think you'd be surprised at the number of people who use antidepressants, Stacey...and you'd never know it. No one else would know that *you* were taking them either.
What I don't understand is the need for so many people to be taking anti-depressants. Life just can't be that hard for that many people.
It's not about life being hard, it's about bad brain chemistry.
Only sometimes. There is situational depression as well as chemical imbalance. I don't think that there are that many people who all of a sudden have developed a chemical imbalance.
What I don't understand is the need for so many people to be taking anti-depressants.
Because they are available and because they work. You could have said the same thing about aspirin.
Life just can't be that hard for that many people.
Alternatively, you could walk around in someone else's moccasins for a while and see if your perspective changes.
Ortho Tricyclin is one of the two pills that I tried when I had black outs and heart palpitations which went away when I got off of the pill.
You don't take someone who's feeling down and tell them that now the's time to quit smoking..And that's not what I meant by lifestyle changes. I meant my job.
Anyway, I already have a plan to quit smoking by gradually reducing my addiction to nicotine. I went from lights (.7 mg nicotine) to superlights (.4 mg) and I will switch to Winston Ones (.1 mg) in a couple of months, then to the lowest dose patch. I KNOW that light cigarettes aren't necessarily healthier, but they DO have less nicotine per cigarette and I am using that as a tool to lower my addiction. "I am not ready.." to quit in conventional ways, because I'd be even more of a wreck.
I know myself well enough to know that if I excercise everyday, I don't NEED antidepressants. I don't see the point in taking them when there is a very healthy alternative that works just as well for me. I have nothing against antidepressants, except that they are a drug which can have side effects and excercise is all natural and the only side effects are great ones... I know a LOT of people on anti-depressants, I realize how common they are.
I have been to a psychologist before. They sit there and listen, and that's fun, but their main specialty is prescribing drugs...Like I said, give me a gym membership instead of a prescription, I'll be pumping out endorphins, boosting my confidence and feeling optimistic. It really is the best therapy and many studies have shown that.
You're basically saying that I'm whining about my problems and I'm not willing to do anything about them. I have a plan to quit smoking, valid reasons for not taking the pill, and if I took antidepressants, it would only be because I was too lazy to get my ass to the gym. I know that some people need them and it's not because they're lazy, but in my case, that would be exactly why I went on them...
And about "feeling normal"..I don't give a flying f$*# about being normal. I have always felt different, and I see no stigma attached to taking anti-depressants.
My husband loves me the way I am and he's never told me that I need help or drugs or whatever. He just says he wants me to quit my job, but if I do that now, it'll set us back.
I'm all set. You can add me being over-defensive to my list of complaints and sit there and shake your head and say "this chick is hopeless", whatever. I really am offended by labrat's post, which is just another excellent example of me being oversensitive...
Screw it, I have my books coming in the mail, so maybe I'll find some insight there. Thanks to everyone else who had nice things to say and useful advice...I really appreciate it. Even if I didn't walk away with my answer, I think more than anything, I needed to vent and hoped to find that I'm not the only person with issues, and I did accomplish that, so it wasn't all a waste of time.
The goal of therapy is to have the patient solve their own problem(s).
Congratulations.
You've solved your own problem. That should enable you to solve more problems.
Good for you. Keep hanging on!
[QUOTE=Beestie]Because they are available and because they work. You could have said the same thing about aspirin.[QUOTE=Beestie]
The only problem is that there are so many people who don't have the chemical imbalance that Zoloft is supposed to fix, but yet they are miraculously fixed. It is tremendously over-prescribed.
[QUOTE=Beestie]Alternatively, you could walk around in someone else's moccasins for a while and see if your perspective changes.[QUOTE=Beestie]
My perspective is fine. My life has not been a bed of roses. I've also spent some time caring for people with serious problems at a state psychiatric facility.
Also, from the SADHART study:
With regard to the effectiveness of sertraline (Zoloft ®), the patients reporting the greatest mood improvement were those with more severe or recurrent depression. For patients with at least one prior episode of depression, 72% responded to active treatment compared to only 51% of those on placebo (p=0.03). Similarly, for patients reporting more severe symptoms of depression, 78% of sertraline (Zoloft ®) patients responded versus 45% of placebo patients (p=0.001). The overall sample also included patients with mild and short-term depression and failed to demonstrate a significant difference between sertraline (Zoloft ®) and placebo. This result may be partially explained however, by the high response rate to placebo for patients with mild or reactive depression. Their symptoms may have resolved spontaneously as a result of the care, attention and support they received from both a cardiologist and psychiatrist as a consequence of their study participation.
ts--I don't get it.
'course, I'm handi-capable...so, that could be it...
by the way, I agree with Troubleshooter that antidepressants are overprescribed and that people use them as an easy way out instead of lowering the stress in their lives, excercising, eating healthier and cognitive therapy. I'm not saying that NOone needs them, just that doctors love to prescribe them and people love to take them because it doesn't involve any effort on either of them.
ts--I don't get it.
'course, I'm handi-capable...so, that could be it...
3/4 of the people treated with zoloft for major depression responded positively.
1/2 of the people treated with placebo for major depression responded positively.
They listed no significant difference between zoloft and placebo in people with mild or situational depression.
A Conscious Life: Cultivating the Seven Qualities of Authentic Adulthood
by Fran Cox, Louis Cox
Used for $1.50 at amazon
Ah, that's the thing!
I've never experienced quasi-depression--the likes that celebs and the rich endure.
SSRI's are invaluable when applied correctly.
3/4 of the people treated with zoloft for major depression responded positively.
1/2 of the people treated with placebo for major depression responded positively.
They listed no significant difference between zoloft and placebo in people with mild or situational depression.
You've framed the problem quite nicely. However, what's the solution?
Ten people walk into Dr. Troubleshooter's office exhibiting signs of major depression. To whom do you give the sugar pill, to whom do you give a "quit-your-self-indulgent-whining-and-shape-up" speech and to whom do you prescribe an anti-depressant?
I'm not trying to be a smartass but to say that antidepressants are overprescribed and leave it at that is like handing out a scratch-n-sniff picture of a steak dinner.
Ortho Tricyclin is one of the two pills that I tried when I had black outs and heart palpitations which went away when I got off of the pill.
They have come out with a LO version, initially designed for breast feeding moms, but I stayed on it and LOVE it.
I know myself well enough to know that if I excercise everyday, I don't NEED antidepressants. I don't see the point in taking them when there is a very healthy alternative that works just as well for me. give me a gym membership instead of a prescription, I'll be pumping out endorphins, boosting my confidence and feeling optimistic. It really is the best therapy and many studies have shown that.
So, are you exercising everyday???? You don't need to pay for a gym membership to go for a walk or run outside, or at your local mall if the weather is bad. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I am talking from experience. Stop making excuses, and start being proactive. I know exercise helps
me immensely too, but it is not a cure. The underlying problem is still there.
Just a random thought, stacey, but have you approached all the gyms in your area about being an aerobics instructor? You could kill two birds with one stone.
You've framed the problem quite nicely. However, what's the solution?
I'm not a clinician, I'm not qualified to make the in-depth study necessary to asses nuances of psychiatry, but I am qualified to assess the numerical results of the study.
One possibility though is that the increasingly unhealthy nature of americans is leading to the rise in, unfounded isn't the word but it fits even if poorly, cases of depression. It's not that people are realy depressed, it's more like they are simply not healthy enough to deal with day to day life.
Molecules of Emotion goes into the intricacies of health and emotional balance. Some people don't like it, but it is a light read that gives a good idea of the issue.
LabRat, if you had read my previous posts in this thread, you would find that I get low blood sugar at work if I excercise on work days. After work? I'm so tired I run home and take a nap. Days off? My muscles still hurt the next day and while I'm at work I'm hungry and achy...I tried going to the gym with this job, those were the results. Stop telling me to snap out of it, deal with it...Because if I want that kind of advice, I'll go talk to the girl I work with that started me writing this whole thread. Like Briana said, I found my solution, okay? I don't need you kicking me in the ass anymore, all set. Are you SURE those happy pills are as good as you say? They certaintly don't instill empathy or kindness...
I really think Beestie's got an even better solution than exercising though--look for a new job. Waitressing sucks even when you're not depressed. Sign on at a temp agency and get yourself a good desk job. My experience is the jobs are often far from temporary, and you usually get to spend most of the day reading a book in between answering the occasional phone.
One possibility though is that the increasingly unhealthy nature of americans is leading to the rise in, unfounded isn't the word but it fits even if poorly, cases of depression. It's not that people are realy depressed, it's more like they are simply not healthy enough to deal with day to day life.
I agree, and wanted to say something to that effect, but couldn't find the words. I believe we are seeing more transient depressive states due to overall ill health. The depression is real, but the
cause is different. Like I said, I believe I have a 'real' underlying physiological defect due to the fact that even when I am taking care of myself, and everything seems to be going well in my life, all of a sudden I find myself in the fog of death :greenface . (how I try to explain it to my husband)
OMG, anyone else feeling a craving for cheese to go with all of the whine around here?
"LabRat, if you had read my previous posts in this thread, you would find that I get low blood sugar at work if I excercise on work days. After work? I'm so tired I run home and take a nap. Days off? My muscles still hurt the next day and while I'm at work I'm hungry and achy...I tried going to the gym with this job, those were the results. Stop telling me to snap out of it, deal with it...Because if I want that kind of advice, I'll go talk to the girl I work with that started me writing this whole thread. Like Briana said, I found my solution, okay? I don't need you kicking me in the ass anymore, all set. Are you SURE those happy pills are as good as you say? They certaintly don't instill empathy or kindness..."
I NEVER told you to 'snap out of it', I believe I said do something about it. --talk to a doc, change your lifestyle, do MORE of what seems to work for you, whatever. You're last comment shows massive ignorance on your part, and since you have decided to start slinging mud, I'm outta this playpen to go play with the adults. Good Luck.
here's another interesting book:
Better than Well: American Medicine Meets the American Dream. By Carl Elliot.
Stacy, you've got a bunch of different things that are going on and impacting you ... stress is cumulative over time. You might not be in the midst of a crisis point now, but your body and brain chemistry can react as though you are.
I'm a big proponent of folks getting an uninvolved professional third party ... find a therapist, who may also choose to refer you to a psychiatrist to discuss medications. You've indicated you're kind of medicine sensitive, so it might take a couple of tries to get the meds right. There are a lot of them out there ... some will be great for you, some not. And they don't work overnight.
But start with talking.
Also, make sure you are paying close attention to yourself, your regular patterns ... are you sleeping about the same as always? Or have you had some dramatic changes ... sleeping all the time or not at all? Changes in your appetite with unintentional loss or gain of weight? Problems with your concentration? And are you noticing that stuff you really liked to do doesn't seem as much fun anymore?
Oh, and I know you didn't say anything ... but thoughts about killing yourself or urges to cut or burn yourself should be treated like a big neon sign flashing [color=magenta]Go get help[/color]
I just wanted to say from one sensitive soul to another that when people talk smack about you it is from their messed up lives. I have gone to seek advice on such matters and I was enlightened by a word called codependancy. It is hard not to take these peoples remarks personally, but if you step out of your emotions long enough to get a good look at where the comment is coming from it is not worth letting them have controll over your well being. Looking at what you wrote in the relationships thread, it might not be such a bad idea to check out codependancy. It gave me alot of freedom, maybe it will you too. There are also alot of support groups on this subject to see others struggling up the same path as you. Just a suggestion. ;)
I want to pitch in another vote for getting a checkup. First make sure your body is working properly. If it's not, you won't get your head on straight.
If that doesn't do it, then your doctor can recommend where to go from there.
WOW. It's just like the good old days. 'cept I'm not the one being mean to stacey this time. guess it's cuz i realize that tough love doesnt really work for her. you'll be fine stacey. you may find some good advice in a book, but what you really need to do is change your habits. OR....if you're not willing to change, then you just have to deal with the stress.
[size=1]I'm having some similar issues at present. [/size]
I'm on my way up to CVS to pick up my new prescription...
Percocet, take me away! :)
Do lots of methampedamine and if anyone gives you any crap just snap out on them. I guarantee within two weeks nobody will bother you any more.
LJ, you know me well. No, tough love doesn't work for me...I'm just going to stick with my job for one more year and take it day by day. My cramps keeping me out of work for a week every month is a blessing in disguise. I can look forward to those little breaks, and in a year, I am going to quit my job, go to the gym everyday and maybe get back into a band, volunteer at the animal shelter I used to work at... I don't have suicidal thoughts, because I do have hope...
Even though I have multiple food intolerances and chemical sensitivity, every doctor I go to says I am in good health.
I would like to have a good therapist so I could just vent and get everything out of my system, but I don't want them pushing drugs on me after two visits. I'll look into therapy, I just need to figure out how to come up with $25 a week for the co-payment.
But yeah, you guys are right, I could benefit from a good therapist :)
This is normally the point where I come in and push my religion on people. :muse:
However, I've been depressed myself for about the last, oh, 4 years or so. I feel "old, stupid, ugly, untalented, God hates me, I hate everyone, I don't want to go outside of the house, where's the vicodin" about once every couple of weeks, and it lasts for a day or two. It's not that my life is bad, I have been pretty successful career-wise, of late. Not looking for a relationship, but I have a few friends and things to do in my off time. Kind of a normal life. I have rheumatoid arthritis, which has left me unable to bowhunt (for the moment) or do hard physical stuff. I don't take as much "medication" as I used to, and nothing illegal anymore, so my blood should be pretty clear. But the symptoms come and go without any warning, and I've sort of gotten used to it. I hide my "cyclical depression" well, too - I've got a kind of class-clown reputation among people who know me. Rode the Wellbutrin train for a year or so, didn't see any major difference. I think I'm just "arty".
Or maybe I just *think* I'm depressed :3_eyes: ....gonna go take that test...
Aww, Noodle, we have almost the same score! Do you feel like now is one of your depressive periods or are you in between?
A lot of people never look into the possibility of food intolerance as a cause of depression. I found out I was gluten intolerant about 6 years ago and when I cut wheat and other gluten grains out of my diet, I felt SO much better! If you think I whine A lot now, you should've seen me then! The thing is, when I started going to the gym every day, I used to eat wheat sometimes and it didn't affect me nearly as much as it used to. It was almost like working out "cleansed" my system or something...But I haven't touched wheat in years...I did test positive for dairy allergy and I put cream in my coffee, and I also tested positive for potatoes, which I eat every single day, so I 'm sure these allergies are contributing to my total load of stress and making me feel down, lowering my susceptibility to stress....
BUT, I eat the damn potatoes and cream because I don't have a strong physical reaction, and almost every other food on earth gives me some kind of reaction, like headaches, muscle aches, red face and ears, foggy headednesss, etc...
I know from experience that if I worked out every day, it all wouldn't affect me so much, it's like the all purpose medication...
I thought of this for Labrat's case, because she said she goes into "the fog of death" for no apparent reason. She might want to look into the possibility of food intolerance/ allergy, but I kind of ruined our relationship, so I guess I can't help her...
After doing some research, it looks like I have a ton of symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. Unfortunately, there's no cure for that one, but I guess it would be nice to get diagnosed with SOMEthing...I'll bring this up when I see a therapist.
However, I've been depressed myself for about the last, oh, 4 years or so. I feel "old, stupid, ugly, untalented, God hates me, I hate everyone, I don't want to go outside of the house, where's the vicodin" about once every couple of weeks, and it lasts for a day or two... Or maybe I just *think* I'm depressed :3_eyes: ....gonna go take that test...
I know you stated that you have rheumatoid arthritis and that is probably the reason for the vicodin, but long-term narcotic use can bring on symptoms of depression as well as the fact of the arthritis itself. Have you looked into other drug therapies? Just a suggestion. For some people narcotics are the only thing that eases the pain...kind of a Catch-22.
:(
Oops, sorry, mrnoodle. Just read the stuff you posted in the Health Forum. Guess you are on other therapies...my bad.
After doing some research, it looks like I have a ton of symptoms of Asperger's syndrome.
Unfortunately, there's no cure for that one, but I guess it would be nice to get diagnosed with SOMEthing...I'll bring this up when I see a therapist.
TO me the symptoms you describe are not Asperger's. I have a child with Asperger's and it's not something you "get", it's something you're born with. Aspie's don't understand/recognize social cues, such as facial expressions, tonal inflection, sarcasm, and metaphors.
Generally, their problems in societal relationships are because they don't respond appropriately to what they DO percieve.
I think you're just stressed and depressed like the rest of us, and whether that's caused by physical issues and chemical imbalance or just the fact that you've reached the meltdown point is up to a professional to determine.
The fact that you think it will be nice to get diagnosed with something is telling, as well...
Aww, Noodle, we have almost the same score! Do you feel like now is one of your depressive periods or are you in between?
I'm on the tail end of one...today I feel fine. That's probably because I'm busy. I think the days when I'm doing too much sitting around are worse - particularly if they're strung together, like during a slow work cycle. Plus I get to go to the studio in about an hour and finish the guitar bits for the new CD.
That will be either fun or stressful. Either way, it will be good.
Noodle, you're so lucky you have a band. When I was in a band it was one of the happiest times in my life. I loved the feeling of purpose and doing something I loved...
One of my goals this year is to take drum lessons and meet more local musicians, try to get into a band in the next year or so. I think I'll have better luck with drums than guitar, because they come naturally to me and there aren't any chords/ lyrics to memorize, you just go by feel. My last band broke up because I was single, started messing around with the bass player, a recovered alcoholic, after a few months, he was in love and I wanted to marry an illegal brazilian for money. he flipped out, started drinking again, started harassing me with phone calls, embarrasing me in public, etc, so I had to avoid going anywhere where I might bump into him, which was basically, all of the places where I knew musicians and played out! I am totally out of the local music scene now and I feel bored with the guitar. It took me 11 years to get decent on it, but the first time I picked up a pair of drumsticks, I was playing real beats and I was in love. Everyone who's ever heard me play them says I have natural ability and I've been offered free lessons by a real music teacher (he said I could bring my husband with me :) ), but the guy lived too far away...I sold my drums a while back to pay for rent when I was still single and now my neighbors have small children and they didn't agree to me getting a set and practicing during the day, because the kids take naps...I don't know...
I used to read self help books everyday, about 1 book a week...I also read autobiographies of successful people, as instructed in one of the books...Anyways, I read Chuck Norris's autobiography, and he was a firm believer in the power of the subconscious. So, I went out and got a book called "The Power of the Subconscious Mind" or something like that...he book said that if you ask yourself a question right before you go to sleep, you will wake up with the answer. So, while falling asleep, I kept repeating in my head "The power of my subconscious mind will reveal my life's purpose to me..."
Well, I woke up with a voice in my head, and I NEVER hear voices, okay?!! Anyway, it was like a man's voice that kept saying "you have the beat, you have the beat, you have the beat"
And this was before I ever played the drums, or even thought about playing the drums. This was even before I got serious about guitar and got into a band!
And then, the first time I get on the drums, the guy was like "wow! I've never seen anyone play a real beat their first time!" After 6 months, He was like "I'm a little jealous, I've been playing for 8 years and it took me years to get that good...you could be professionally good if you keep playing..." One time, I went to jam with a band that needed a bass player, so we went through all the songs, blah blah blah, (bass is boring) and then i asked if I could play the drums and after I got done they were thinking of having me be the drummer and letting their current drummer play bass instead...Except that band never came through, kind of fizzled away.
GOD, I'm rambling.
Well, I woke up with a voice in my head, and I NEVER hear voices, okay?!!
:eek2:
TO me the symptoms you describe are not Asperger's. I have a child with Asperger's and it's not something you "get", it's something you're born with.
Isn't Asberger's just a mild form of autism... lower end of the spectrum so to speak? If so, I don't think the cause or origin has been absolutely determined. I just read an
article about a study linking it (autism) to Augmentin use (very commonly prescribed for ear infections despite studies suggesting that it really doesn't do shit for most of them), due to ammonia poisoning.
OC, I just want to get diagnosed because once you find the cause of a problem, then you can find a solution. I HATE it when doctors only treat the symptoms without even finding the CAUSE. To me, that's the most important part. It seems to me that they're way better at just slapping on band-aids.
I came up with the Aperger's idea because I have these symptoms:
At age 6 I was reading 20 chapter books written for at least 5th grade reading level.
Be preoccupied with one or only few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. All-absorbing narrow interest -
I go through phases where I am 100% absorbed in one area and I don't want to waste my time doing anything else that doesn't contribute to that interest. I spent months researching pet food, years researching dog/cat training and behavior, a year on physical fitness, weight training routines, years on researching food allergy and the link between diet and health,
6 months when I played guitar everyday for 6 hours a day plus studied music theory,
2 months when all I did was collect and organize recipes...you get the picture. This is just weird! And my husband tells me I talk way too much.
Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
May have heightened sensitivity and get overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures- totally!
failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
lack of social or emotional reciprocity
lack of desire to interact with peers - I have no friends and it's probably because I can't be bothered with people. I don't WANT to be selfish or self-centered, I've read self help books to try to change that, but I seem to be in my own world.
Dislike any changes in routines- yup.
Have unusual facial expressions or postures- I like to sit indian style or stand with one leg up on the other, like a stork. (my husband does this too :) ) And people are always asking me what's wrong whan I am FINE! it seems that my natural facial expression looks very sad or something...
But no, I don't have some of the symptoms, like I'm not clumsy and I'm really good at reading body language and reading between the lines..Although maybe it helps that I read a few self help books on body language and social skills??
I also have a mental block when it comes to giving directions- I just can't. I don't know why. I drive to places everyday with no problem, but if someone asks me how to get there, I can't visualize how to get there and explain it to them.
Sorry I know my posts are too long and will probably prevent anyone from reading them..I just woke up from a 5 hour nap and I'm raring to go!!
stacey, it seems like you're talented, artistic and creative.
The all what you need is to put all your things together. You're also seem so afraid to live without fears and worries. You're think it's a passion of the life. Nope.:)
Organize your life. That's it.
Stop believe nobody and nothing can help you. It seems to me you just like to be depressed.
hey, you're from that russian website, aren't you? Your name is WOW there...I remember you.
I really don't like to be depressed, nor am I even sure that I am depressed....
I don't think anyone really wants to feel depressed, but I guess if you feel down enough long enough, it just starts to come naturally.
My life is one friggin roller coaster after another and maybe my whole problem is that my nervous system is just SHOT. There's also a thing called adrenal gland weakness, which can happen when you're under constant stress, as in waitressing!
So, justme, I'd like you to know that my husband and I are doing really well. He's a good guy who sometimes lacks common sense, but he does learn when he makes mistakes and we haven't had any problems since last year. We're happy together :)
So, justme, I'd like you to know that my husband and I are doing really well. He's a good guy who sometimes lacks common sense, but he does learn when he makes mistakes and we haven't had any problems since last year. We're happy together :)
That's really good to hear. Congratulations to both of you for working it all out. :)
I don't think it's accurate to say a person "likes" to be depressed. But looking back, I can see how I was somehow "addicted" to it. I don't think I could explain why, but for a long time I felt as though I wasn't myself if I wasn't depressed about something. It sucks, I know (at least to a point) how you feel, and I really hope you do figure out what you need to get through it.
Yes,it'she:)
It's so great to hear you're happy with your husband. Not quiet happy with your life.:)
You pay too much attention to your depression, I think. At least, it looks like.
What's about an idea to concentrate on the positive way a little bit better?
"I don't think it's accurate to say a person "likes" to be depressed."
Neither do I. :) It was more likely an expression than statement.
I wanted to say the way stacey's talking about depression, how she's trying to deal with that is not all she can do. It's not enough just to stady that or just to talk about that. Sometimes it's better to wake up in sunny morning take a deep breath and push a bit of depression out. It works in any weather by the way:)
Well, the reason that I'm going on and on about depression, is because this is a thread about depression! It's not like it's the only thing I focus on, it just happens to be the topic here. I am the type that likes to investigate, solve problems, etc. So, if I'm not feeling well or something's wrong or whatever, I will put a lot of effort in uncovering the source of the problem and trying to gain insight...So, when I find myself crying at work all of the time, that's a signal to me that something's wrong, so yes, I will spend a few hours each day looking into the problem online, reading, etc, because I want to solve the problem and I can't do that until I understand the problem..I don't know, it's tough to explain...
I do other things, too, like going out and singing karaoke, watching tv with my husband or shopping together or hanging out with his russian friends, I also study Russian, play guitar once in a while, cook, work, etc...
I don't want to come off as one-sided and completely enveloped in thoughts about my depression or whatever my problem is, I just like to get to the bottom of things and I have a strong urge to solve my issues.
Stacey have you tried a B6/12 supplement?
Sorry, stasey. My posts didn't loook like suggestions at all.:) It should be those. I just realized that.
Justme, no problem. I'm sure you were just trying to help...
jinx, I take a multivitamin every day that has 835% of my daily allowance of B6 and 553% B12. (Twinlab allergy multi)
I took a quiz to see if I have Asperger's my score was 134, which was high..OC do you know your child's score? I'd like to compare...
"Why are my feelings so easily hurt? Mostly the things that set me off are when people I work with are rude, or if I have no control over the situation. If someone treats me rudely, I want to punch them in the face, but I know I can't, so I just cry. I'm nice to everyone I work with. I listen if someone wants to vent, I'm easy on the new people and my bussers. I have such a hard time dealing with rude people who lack compassion or empathy. I hold in too much anger because I can't say and do what I want, I have to be so fake and polite all the time at work. Any self help book suggestions?"
Okay, here is another suggestion.
This part doesn't look like depression. It looks like stress. I've had something like that when one of my co-workers has used every moment to proove me and everybody in the office I'm stupid. It was okay, I always replied her nicely, but felt too much agressivness after work. It's bad if you can not ignore that stupid b... because she's doing everything not to be ignored.
Today I feel relief. I don't need to deal with somebody's stupidity, watch my back, cover my butt. Every day, every moment...What for? For stupid clerical duties and funny clerical payment?
Do you like your job, stacey? As I remember I don't, do you? This is the one of sourses for stress. Maybe, is it time to think about your life improvment?
P.S. Yes, I cried twice.:) Yes, I'm strong ,but I did cry.
Here is mine.
"Your score
119
You seem to have quite a few Aspie-traits "
Maybe everyone has some of these symptoms??
Come on everyone, telll me your score!!
...I felt as though I wasn't myself if I wasn't depressed about something....
Years ago I read an article about that phenomenon somewhere. Your body/mind starts to recognize anything long-term as 'normal' and it works at keeping things 'normal'. So if you've been depressed for a long time, that becomes 'normal' for you and the body works to keep things that way.
After doing some research, it looks like I have a ton of symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. Unfortunately, there's no cure for that one, but I guess it would be nice to get diagnosed with SOMEthing...I'll bring this up when I see a therapist.
If you had Asperger's you would have been told long before now. It's diagnosed in early childhood. Adults don't suddenly get it.
Put down the Big Book of Crazy™ (DSM-IV) and step away.
Stop focusing on "what my problem is called" and look more closely at "what my problem is."
Actually, many people with Asperger's aren't diagnosed until they self diagnose in midlife, because as children, they are seen as bright. They are early readers, they have excellent verbal skills and often excel in one or two areas, so the only thing that seems "off" about them is that they are seen as "shy", they have a hard time making friends, etc. But that usually doesn't send teachers and parents running to find a diagnosis. I'm not saying I just contracted it, I'm saying I may have found a name for what I have. I have ALWAYS felt weird, different, whatever...
Got a 99....guess I failed.
OK, you've got a name for it, what are you going to do about it? :confused:
Stacey, you seem to interact well with other humans.
You are able to form relationships.
You don't have Asperger's.
But you might have a raging case of Sophmoreitis.
raging sophmoritis. they make a cream for that.:sadsperm:
wolf, that was a huge compliment to me, whether it was your intention or not :biggrin: My strength is with writing, it's very easy for me to put my thoughts into words, but if we were all meeting at a restaurant, I guarantee you, you would think otherwise...
Yes, I'm able to form relationships- with one person at a time! I get overwhelmed if I have too many people in my life, and more than one seems to be too many..
Okay, maybe I don't have a "syndrome", maybe I'm just introverted or really sensitive, or I have issues simply because my mother treated me as an unwanted pain in the ass or maybe I have brain damage from when I fell down a flight of wood stairs and got a concussion at age 5.. maybe there's no name for it. I didn't say I had a definate diagnosis... Either way, I'ts nice to go to the Asperger syndrome forums and read personal descriptions and stories that I can relate to so much. Even if I don't have it, I have a lot in common with them, I have a lot of the same little quirks...
Over the years I have read so many friggin self-help books, many of them about social skills, reading body language, motivation, etc. So I am able to go to work and act normal, but I think a lot just eats me up inside...
All of these people I work with always want to hang out and drink after work, I think they're crazy. I can't WAIT to get home and rest in peace and quiet.
I have been told by every single person I know, either that I'm weird, that I talk too much (my husband and ex boyfriends), and mostly that I am too sensitive, too easily overwhelmed.
I have Stacey syndrome, how's that?
okay, I just looked up sophomoritis, it's a condition that second year medical students get, more commonly known as hypochondriasis (didi I spell that right?).
Yeah, I can see why you'd call me a hypochondriac. I do seem to have a lot of ideas about what is "wrong with me" and it would be great if it were a mental thing, only, how to fix it??
I internalize stress and it seems to me that I developed all of my food intolerances during periods of high stress and during my two worst relationships. I do have blood tests to back it up though. Basically, when my mental health suffers, I hold it in and I develop physical problems. And it seems to me like I haven't ever had a long break from emotional pain or overstress.
As they say in russian, "Mhe polney pizdets"
My Abnormal Psych prof didn't team me much abnormal psych ... but he did drum one thing into us ...
"All of Human Experience is mediated through both the body and the mind."
Mental Health affects physical health.
Physical health affects mental health.
Go see someone and stop guessing.
staceyv:
"Yeah, I can see why you'd call me a hypochondriac. I do seem to have a lot of ideas about what is "wrong with me" and it would be great if it were a mental thing, only, [COLOR=Navy]how to fix it[/COLOR]?? "
wolf:
"Stop focusing on "what my problem is called" and look more closely at "what my problem is."
That's all for now :)
stacey,
In my opinion, you try to find definitions for your problem instead to find the problem itself.
Look what you wrote about the crying in your first post:
" I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have zero ability to handle stress. Little things that don't matter at all upset me so much. My boss said something to me today about the order I did my side work in.....long story, but to summarize, I did all of my work, she just wasn't paying attention. Then I was carrying a huge box of napkins and paper towels up from the basement and the bottom of the box broke and everything went flying down the stairs..what a pain. Then, I'm working with this chick who has a man's voice and a macho overly assertive attitude and I was trying to vent a little by telling her about all of this crap, and she looks at me and goes "Deal with it! Why are you telling me all of this?"blahblahblah....So I told her she's rude and I won't try venting to her again, but I was so upset after I walked away that I started crying in the busroom and I was all shaky.
I don't think that was a good reason to cry, I feel like I'm too sensitive, like I should have a thicker skin, like something is wrong with me. I don't have PMS, everything at home is fine, I just get so upset about stupid little things...This is just one example.
Last year one of the cooks gave me a hard time, I was really busy, Had a little hangover...I got so stressed out that I started crying and I couldn't stop and my boss had to wait on my tables.
When I was new there I heard a girl say "I thought I sucked when I was new!" (accent the second I), once again, I'm crying...
It happened before with another girl who wqas rude to me when I was new, and last summer I found myself crying at work twice in one week because I was stressed out..."
[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]Where did it happen? [/COLOR] At work. That's why I suggest your work is one of the stress factors you have.
The other factor can be from your childhood:
"maybe I'm just introverted or really sensitive, or I have issues simply because my mother treated me as an unwanted pain in the ass or maybe I have brain damage from when I fell down a flight of wood stairs and got a concussion at age 5.. maybe there's no name for it."
That can be a reason you have beeen looking for love with piece of shit :mad: men.
stacey, it's over! You're happy now. You did it. You're stronger than you think. Start be an owner of your life, stay above those factors.
Don't waste your time for definitions of your stress or your problems. Think what you're really want to do with your life.
By the way, reading the books about diseases gives the feeling you have all of those. :p
The all that I got so far you’re gifted, creative, smart, sensitive, good heart person, very pretty (yes, a saw your pictures), and...:) stressed.
I have decided that you (Stacey) would make a very good research scientist. Even if I am wrong about that one thing is for sure: you are way underachiving relative to your abilities. I say that not as a criticism but as an observation.
Escaping the groove you are in requires little more than patience, hard work and a little vision. And Arsen's support.
Beestie, SO true...I LOVE to research! I've thought about doing a line of work where I can research, but I seem to only be good at it if I'm interested in the subject, so I'm kind of limited. And yes, I am an underachiever. I know I shouldn't be waitressing, I know I'm better than that, and that gives me a mild form of chronic stress in itself. In that aspect, I totally agree with Justme...
I just don't know what the hell to do with myself! The only things I am passionate about are playing the drums and guitar, writing about stuff I like, reading, researching, foreign languages and nutrition/medical stuff. But, I don't like to work with people, I like to work alone. My husband's always telling me I should find something that I'm passionate about and work on it, and he's right, but I jump from one stupid subject to another.
One month I wanted to show and breed chihuahuas. Then I decided I wanted to be a bookkeeper. Then I decided I'm underqualified/ have no training and that I want to be in a band again..Then I'll think that maybe I should just have kids and call myself a housewife. THEN, I'm like, no, that's not a good idea because I should get myself together before I think about kids, that's not fair to them...I'm all over the place.
I would like to go to school- but for what?
I sometimes feel like I'm destined for a life of underachievement like my mother. I don't want to deal with the stress of bettering myself, maybe. UGH, right now I can't even stand listening to my own thoughts as I type this...
"By the way, reading the books about diseases gives the feeling you have all of those." so true...and sometimes I read books that make me feel like I can do anything, the world is a friendly, happy place, and I should follow my dreams...And then real life hits me like a brick and I start to feel so bitter, because I realize it's not as easy as those stupid books make it out to be, and no, it's not possible for me to work, go to school, study and have a happy relationship, while simultaneously working out, eating healthy and forming meaningful friendships . It just doesn't work that way. I guess any of these books can screw you up, even the "positive" ones.
I haven't read any medical or self-help optimism books in the last 4 years, though, and that hasn't helped either...
I don't want to deal with the stress of bettering myself, maybe. [quote=staceyv
"...and sometimes I read books that make me feel like I can do anything, the world is a friendly, happy place, and I should follow my dreams...And then real life hits me like a brick and I start to feel so bitter, because I realize it's not as easy as those stupid books make it out to be,
I think we all fall into that trap, StaceyV, sooner or later. We all think our lives *should* be this one particular way and anything less than that is failure. I feel that way about myself. Because my home, my friends, my job aren't perfect, I feel like a failure. I feel anxious to improve everything but overwhelmed when I even think about trying to change anything. I think you are articulating your dilemma quite well and I hope you find some real answers.
On target Bri. Stace, you've expressed that sort of need for control before: during the Arsen other-woman-not-really episode, control was one of your bugaboos; lack of it, need to enforce it, etc. At work, control is routinely enforced over you by your bosses, your situation, etc. Is this a big issue for you.
hmmm, I never thought of that. I don't know. Am I a control freak??!
Maybe I am a little. I mean, I don't care what other people do, because I have no control over them and I know it, but with myself, yeah, I need to feel like I'm in control. And maybe with my husband? I was like that a lot with my rottweiler. I was very persistent in training her to follow every command, but I always gave her treats for it. With my chihuahua, I tried to train him, but I only got so far, he seems to have ADD or something, so I gave up and decided to love him like he is. Sometimes I call him my little retard and give him kisses...
When my husband said he wanted to lose weight, I started making all low fat and low sugar food for him, then I would try to prevent him from eating candy and junk food, and I'd get mad when he did. But, I realized I have no control over that, either, so I stopped caring and told him to eat whatever the hell he wants and when he wants to help himself, he can. I also need to be in charge of the household finances, because I feel for some reason that my husband wouldn't pay everything on time. So yeah, I do have some tendencies to want to control things, but I also give up when I see it's useless.
With my chihuahua, I tried to train him, but I only got so far, he seems to have ADD or something, so I gave up and decided to love him like he is.
Loving someone as they are is the ultimate. Loving YOURSELF as you are NOW is pretty ultimate, too.
Just don't go around calling yourself a "little retard" :) like you do the chihuahua and you'll be ok!
"I know I shouldn't be waitressing, I know I'm better than that, and that gives me a mild form of chronic stress in itself. "
Stacey, you have at least one answer for now. Step by step.
You don't like your job.
can you put in order what you'd like to do? Make a list : #1, #2, etc.
My husband and I have alraedy made a plan for that. We expect to be out of debt in a year or less, at which time he says I can quit my job and do whatever I want. The only thing I'm sure I will do is go to the gym everyday. I would also like to take drum lessons (I haven't practiced in over a year) and get back into a band...
I am afraid, though, that if I don't make a plan I will end up isolated from the world, sitting in the house all day, every day... But that is all I can come up with for now.
So even though I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just dealing with it day by day that's getting to me. And I still feel a lot of pressure to figure out what I would like to do with my life, because even though he's giving me the perfect opportunity to pursue it, I don't have a clue what "it" is!
And I still feel a lot of pressure to figure out what I would like to do with my life, because even though he's giving me the perfect opportunity to pursue it, I don't have a clue what "it" is!
In your particular case, at this particular moment, "it" means learning to be at peace with yourself. Took me a looooooooooooong time to figure that out.
Suspend personal expectations and self-examination for a spell - stop judging yourself for six weeks.
Stacey, I suspect you grew up in an environment where you weren't allowed to be a "self." Possibly, you had an overly critical or demanding parent who was difficult to please. As an adult, you do not feel "authentic." When you recieve praise, you dismiss it, thinking to yourself, "They don't know what I'm REALLY like." When someone critisizes you, you unconsciously revert to a child in front of a scolding parent. You accept low paying jobs and unsatisfactory relationships because on some level you think that's all you deserve. You need to work to consciously counter these early negative messages that you have unconsciously assimilated into your thinking about yourself and your situation.
You still wake up sometimes, don't you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs.
Stacey, I suspect you grew up in an environment where you weren't allowed to be a "self." Possibly, you had an overly critical or demanding parent who was difficult to please.
That's true. No matter what I did, my mother was never happy. I got good grades in school and spent most of my time reading books when I was young. I know my mother has some kind of mental illness, whether it's depression or something else, I don't know, but she is the most miserable person I know. She used to complain constantly, like it was her job. Nothing made her happy, life sucked, she hated women, she didn't want the neighbors bothering her, she didn't want ME bothering her...I KNOW she didn't wan't me and she always told me I was a pain in the ass ( she got knocked up at the drive- in movie at age 17). She never wanted to be bothered with me. getting me ready for school was the ultimate torture for her. I was only 6 years old and I knew that I should pretend to be sleeping so at least it wouldn't be directed on me...But I had my grandmother and my aunt who took me on weekends and sometimes after school, they were very good to me. At one point, my grandmother was going to try getting full custody of me because my mother neglected me and didn't lead a healthy lifestyle (partying, dating a lot of different men...) but for some reason, that didn't fall through...I do realize now, though, that it's not my fault that my mother is unhappy, and I feel bad for my little sister who is 9 years younger than me, because she is suffering from anxiety problems just like I did at her age. She gets heart palpitations and she has a hard time holding down a job...I'm not sure if it's a genetic thing or a result of being raised in a negative environment, but I really feel for her.
Ofcourse, there were some benefits, like I am great at working independently and I like to find answers for myself, probably because I was afraid to ask for help when I was little!
Here's a picture of my grandmother and I on New Year's Eve. I hate this picture of me, but she looks beautiful. She IS beautiful. If it wasn't for her, I'd be WAAAAY more screwed up. She is the most important person in my life. She's caring, loving, kind AND she likes to go out and sing karaoke with us- I got lucky being born into her family :)
woooow, you're beautiful. Now I 100% believe Arsen loves you:)
Stacey, it's good that you understand your problem with lack of mother's love. It's true that kids who didn't have parents love try to please everyone around just to feel they are not bad.
My parents loved me, I believe. However, they always told me that everything I'm doing or I'm interested in is wrong and bullshit. My mom used to love to tell her friends about me by negative way.
I was so surprised to realize that negativity still gives me a lack of self confidence. I thought I solved that problem. I was aggressive, confident, I knew what to do with my life. As result, I was successful business executive. And... I got surprise.:) Since I came here in totally new environment, I've lost my confidence for all these years. Even I know it's wrong, something inside of my mind telling me I'm piece of shit like my parents used to tell me. I understand they wished the best for me in the way they knew "the best".
I suggest I lost my job only because I was too good:) It's funny, but all that time I was trying to be perfect just to prove I'm goooood. As result, I was too good. I tried to help my boss (but have been asked for help!) just to prove I' good. I always was so nice, so friendly, so efficient, so helpful. Well, I was above. The result is negative, people feels very uncomfortable if somebody is better than they.
That's why, Stacey, try to find your level of co-workers you're dealing with.
Maybe, it's easy to make you crying at work because you stress yourself trying to prove you're good. You're always in alert to be goad every moment. Relax:)
Looking back to your childhood, just say your mom thanks she gave you birth, pretty look and good brain:). And now move forward to yourself.
Don't you know where you are? Start looking for you.
I started again. I come back to my art and going to bring that to expensive gallery level. I'm set up my studio again, buying and making tools etc. Also, I 'm looking for another job will match with my educational level and my background. Also, I need to improve English because my English doesn't match with my educational level and my skills at all.
This is a plan. When you have a plan, you don't have time to look for definitions of problem, but you're ready to solve them.
Thanks for being so positive. You have very good insight, maybe you should be a therapist!
I hope things go well for you with your studio. Art is WAY more rewarding than business, and by the way, your english is good enought that you are able to communicate everything you want to say, even when talking about emotions and complex subjects, so don't be hard on yourself there.
Actually, many people with Asperger's aren't diagnosed until they self diagnose in midlife, because as children, they are seen as bright. They are early readers, they have excellent verbal skills and often excel in one or two areas, so the only thing that seems "off" about them is that they are seen as "shy", they have a hard time making friends, etc. But that usually doesn't send teachers and parents running to find a diagnosis. I'm not saying I just contracted it, I'm saying I may have found a name for what I have. I have ALWAYS felt weird, different, whatever...
Actually, that's not the case. Aspergers (which has ALOT in common with Autism and is seen in many circles as very mild and specifically socially oriented autism, jinx) is commonly diagnosed as Autism in early childhood. My son's doctors refused to label him with Autism, even though he was clinically diagnosable through the (at the time) DSM-III.
I don't know where you're getting your information, Stacey, but the quiz that you linked me to has no scientific value. It makes no distinction between children and adults. That quiz is not one that is used by professionals to determine formal diagnosis. My son's score is therefore meaningless because it's not the same test.
I'm really trying very hard not to be mean or anything, considering our past disagreements I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm telling you, Stacey, you may have some symptoms in common with Aspergers (which are also symptoms common to other problems, like Autism and bipolar disorder) but you don't have Asperger's.
Trying to self diagnose yourself is only going to lead to more problems.
I appreciate you trying to be nice, and because you were so nice, I'm able to admit that you're probably right. I have a lot of the symptoms, but I am also missing key symptoms- I am not clumsy and I am good at reading body language, etc.
I guess it's like trying to diagnose a headache. After researching enough, you could end up thinking that you have meningitis or brain cancer just because you have a few of the same symptoms, when in reality you have a stress tension headache.
I really do enjoy talking with people on the Asperger's forums, though. I feel like we just "click".
I have taken numerous personality tests over the years, trying to figure out what job would be good for me, etc. I always score as an introvert. I have been introverted all of my life, but I have also been working with the public since I was 14 and I was in public school since age 5, so I do know how to act with people. Anyway, I just got this book on introversion in the mail, and I think that's my thing. Maybe there's nothing really wrong with me, I just naturally need more down time, and I process everything internally rather than externally.
Although I wondered what the hell was wrong with me when I spent days printing out recipes from the computer and organizing in three-ring binders, with indexes by ingredient , ethnicity and meal type...?
See, there you go again ... if you are managing to waitress ... and are personable enough to score some decent tips, you're not as introverted as you think you are. The food sensitivity thing is weird, but there is an excellent chance that you are just :gasp: normal.
(which would including having a little bitty bit of a lot of the things you are reading about in the books).
... but there is an excellent chance that you are just :gasp: normal.
So what you are saying, Wolf, is that there isn't a colored bracelet for what's bugging Stace? I know how much I
hate it when stuff is wrong with me and it just turns out to be normal stuff.
The organizing internet info in three-ring binders did ring a bell, though. I have about three binders full of java tutorials that I printed out. Haven't taken a one of them. That was three years ago. Starting tomorrow, tho...
if you are managing to waitress ... and are personable enough to score some decent tips, you're not as introverted as you think you are.
I went through two weeks of training before I was on my own, and I basically just copy everything my trainer did. I know I should smile, so I do. I don't do any of that chit chat, though. I stick to basics. I say the same exact things to every table- "hi, how are you tonight, can I start you off with something to drink?" "okay, I'll be right back with that"..."here you go, would you like a few minutes to look over your menus?" then, either "sure, take your time" or "alright, what can I get for you?"..food comes out..."chicken teriyaki...steak au poivre...gourmet burger...Can I bring you any mayonaisse, vinegar, ketchup or extra napkins?...okay, enjoy your meal.."...."how is everything?...great." "can I take that for you?" or "would you like to wrap that?" "can I bring you any coffee or dessert?" check- "I'll be right back with that....I'll take care of this whenever you're ready..." "I'll be right back with your change"..."here you go, thank you very much, have a good night".
It's like a script to me! It's not really like socializing, I'm more like a smiling computer. And it does drain me. After work and the next day, I don't want to be around people at all, I need to be alone for a whole day before I have the urge to be around people again.
Being introverted doesn't make anyone abnormal, almost a quarter of the population is introverted, it's just the way the brain is wired. I guess I
could be normal, though..What a concept.
Stacey, you sound a lot like me. It's so funny, because I feel like I can relate to you exactly in some areas...like the waitressing thing. I was a waitress for a while and it didn't last for the same reasons you don't want to continue to do it. I use to burst into tears uncontrollably...like a ticking time bomb that I couldn't shut off. It wasn't just waitressing, either. Other jobs, at times of high stress or as a result of an insensitive comment from someone, would cause me to cry, and I would try and hide and not let anyone know I was crying. It was like this curse that kept me from functioning "normally". I would think "how can all these other people function normally, and I cant?" "What is wrong with me?" I figured out that I am just highly sensitive. Simple as that. I try and surround myself with other sensitive people, too. It helps a lot. I try and use my passions and sensitivity to its advantage...like with art, music and other things that allow me self expression. I quit my "good paying" "respectable" job, got rid of extra bills, got out of the industry I was in, moved into half the space I had before, and enrolled in school at CU (University of Colorado) studying fine arts. I love it, because I feel like I fit in. The kids in school are all about 10 years younger than me (I am almost 28). But, I don't care as much as I thought I would. In some classes, I am a loner and people look at me in my pink hair and weird clothes like I am a freak. In some classes, I have made one or 2 friends. But, overall, the experience has been amazing, so far and I have drawn an immense amount of inspiration from everything around me, because I can now allow myself to let that "oversensitive" part free. I don't cry much anymore. I don't get down on myself much, either. I am learning to live everyday as a gift and an opportunity to explore more of myself and the world I see. I hope that helps a little bit, maybe...maybe not. I just thought I would relate my recent story and try and give a different perspective.
Case, I so admire that you had the guts to do what you did. Quitting a "respectable" job to follow your heart is just sooooo hard--I know, I tried to quit mine and found out very quickly that I could not survive on 6$/hour. I had to go back to the grind but I am trying very, very consciously to make it work for me and not become a slave to my emotions and feelings about the work, just go in and do what it is I do and forget all the insane, rotten, evil aspects of it. I couldn't change my situation, so I changed my mind. It's a daily battle, but it helps me to survive.
Thanks, Bri! I just found myself in an unusual opportunity which afforded me to do that. And had a lot of encouragement and support.
[snip ...] I couldn't change my situation, so I changed my mind. [...snip]
That is the way to do it - you can't control anyone else, or the world outside of yourself, but you
can control your reactions, though it isn't necessarily
easy.
Right, limey, not easy, but definitely worth it. It's weird because NOTHING on the outside has changed, but I can deal with it now. Funny what you can do when you've no choice!
Mind over matter. I you don't mind...it don't matter. ;)
"It's like a script to me! It's not really like socializing, I'm more like a smiling computer."
Stacey,
I've had the same feeling working in the store. I hated working there. "Hi, how're you doing today?...Thank you, have a nice day..." damm it!:)
Doesn't it suck to have to act fake all day?! I think it must be unhealthy to suppress your emotions and act opposite of how you're feeling. I read an article about that- it supposedly increases anger. Maybe THAT'S why I have road rage!
Stacey, a book called THE DANCE OF ANGER is pretty enlightening. It helped me a lot. Anger is a self-perpetuating cycle and if you refuse to participate in it, the asshole who pissed you off is left holding the bag! I work with people who are professional button-pushers (at least, they push MY buttons! I need to be more like Wolf!) and I used to react (I could feel my body react, even when I kept my mouth shut!) and the book helped. Somebody who says something crappy to you is just dying for your response--rob them of the response and they are left with the crap feeling they put out there--not you. I hope you're feeling better--you sound better!! :)
Stacey, yes, that sucks!
But as Brianna told you, if you can not change the situation, you better :) to change your mind. I started "wearing" my smile and positive work attitude as a dress:) It really helped.
I'll have to get that book the next time I go on a self-help shopping spree on Amazon :)
When someone hurts my feelings or makes me angry, my tactic is to completely avoid them. I won't look at them and I'll only speak to them if absolutely necassary, very cool and without making eye contact. I went a whole year without talking to my stepfather when I was 16- and we lived together! I went 1 1/2 years without talking to the cook who made me cry, except to say "I need fries on that club, please" and the latest mangirl who upset me, I'm not looking at her either. I just want them to fade away. Yeah, this is probably an unhealthy way to deal with them, but I can't bring myself to like people who hurt/ distress me, and it won't make my life easier if I tell them to f&%$ off every time I see them, either.
Besides, I didn't mention this in my first post, but the mangirl who upset me that day, well I told another girl about it and she could tell I was upset. She must have went to mangirl and told her she should apologize. I heard mangirl say, very loudly "I'm not gonna apologize for something if I'm not sorry!" And yes, I am sure that they were talking about the same situation, because I asked the nice girl, and she admitted that mangirl wasn't sorry and refused to apologize.
ANYWAY, yes, I am feeling better, I guess. I don't know. I have an appointment with a psychtherapist on Feb 7. I would like to see what I can do about my lack of motivation and boredom with life in general. ..But I have no problems that I can think of right now, except for this damn Visa/MC merchant processing sales job that I got myself into, that I don't want to do because it's boring and I hate sales, but I have all these friggin business cards, and I feel obligated, and my husband thinks it's such a good idea...UGH! Other than that, everything's peachy:)
and it won't make my life easier if I tell them to f&%$ off every time I see them, either.
Have you tried beating the ever-loving shit out of them? Sometimes that works.
that only works for guys Beestie. guys can beat the hell out of someone, then drink a beer with them and tell a few raunchy jokes. women will hate someone, smile directly into their face after a verbal conflict, then harbor a grudge for 3 years after their own death.
women will hate someone, smile directly into their face after a verbal conflict, then harbor a grudge for 3 years after their own death.
Over any slight, real or *imagined*. :eyebrow:
hmmm. sounds like low blood sugar to me. or maybe the overall stress in your life of constant crisis comes to boiling points and you cant deal with the overall frustration you have. stress can build up even when you don't notice it, and then when you are under direct stress, it tips you over the edge. serving is a redundant, repetetive, redundant job. it is also very high stress, and relatively low pay. change careers. you're cute, use it to get a better job. just don't be all mental and talk a million miles per hour at the interview. you should be doing something more low key, but public oriented like selling advertising to businesses, or something. other than that, try smoking a lot of pot before work. ......it works for sycamore.....but then again, he's a garbage man or something, so.....
Baahahaha! Good one. Shiiiiit, I wish. If he actually WAS smoking before work, why the hell isn't he sharing? God knows I could use some as a stress reliever.
Stacy: you hit the nail on the head when you said, "Doesn't it suck to have to act fake all day?! I think it must be unhealthy to suppress your emotions and act opposite of how you're feeling. I read an article about that- it supposedly increases anger. Maybe THAT'S why I have road rage!"
Try dealing with a chronic illness day in and day out. It will exhaust you and talk about anger...sheesh! And yes, it
IS unhealthy to supress your emotions. Talk about a walking time bomb. Plus, you'll just get sick from the inside out...also not a good thing. Then, you'll just be more pissed for being sick, and the cycle starts all over...
Maybe if you can find the time to seek out a local support group. Talking about your problems with others who are going through a similar situation might help. Just make sure that they are not "fair weather Supporters". Those are people who will tell you to your face, "Yes, we will support you" and then in the next breath say, "Oh, suck it up and deal. How can we support you with such a negative attitude?" (trust me, I've been through this, and it sucks).
Support, IMO, should be unconditional. Not this, "I'll only support you if you do this" bullshit. At any rate, all the best to you! ;)
Try dealing with a chronic illness day in and day out. It will exhaust you and talk about anger...sheesh!
You've got that right. In Crohn's circles it's common to hear, "I'm sick and tired ... of being sick and tired."
You've got that right. In Crohn's circles it's common to hear, "I'm sick and tired ... of being sick and tired."
Oh for the love of god--you've all ripped that off from the alcoholics. They're sick 'n tired of being sick 'n tired, too.
Oh for the love of god--you've all ripped that off from the alcoholics.
Couldn't say where it originally came from. How do you know the alkies didn't get it from us? Plus I'd have to say we deserve it more. We don't do it to ourselves.
The other Crohn's poster I really liked was a picture of a digestive system with the logo: "I hate my guts."
Couldn't say where it originally came from. How do you know the alkies didn't get it from us? Plus I'd have to say we deserve it more. We don't do it to ourselves.
Neither do they.
I hope everything’s going well with your psychiatrist. I think I can help you (and save you $80 an hour :) ).
First, what is a 'problem'? Let’s try and define it.
When I do not like what is happening.
When I do not like what has happened.
When I do not like what is going to happen.
For example:
Things that have happened
- You have burst into tears at work
- You’ve had bad relationships with strangers/friends/lovers
- You have reacted emotionally to ‘little things’ that ‘shouldn’t bother you’ (who says?)
- You find yourself ‘complaining, bitching, whining and moaning about things that upset me’ (we all do that!)
- You have related well to people with Aspurges (who generally have more common sense than most)
- You have been diagnosed as ‘depressed’ by a standardised test
Things you think might happen
- You'll be diagnosed as mentally ill
- People won’t like or want you in their lives
- Life will get better if you change jobs
- You can’t change jobs because no one else will want you
- Life will get better if you exercise more
- People will think you’re whiney, weak or ‘hopeless’ for talking about your problems
- You’ll find your identity in a self-help book
Now I’m going to relieve you of these terrible burdens. The things that have happened are behind you. They do not exist any more. Gone. Say goodbye. Go on, it’s really true. You should already feel brilliant!
The things you think might happen are just thoughts. No one knows the future - it only exists in your thoughts. Reality NEVER matches up. You know when you’re afraid of something but it’s not that bad once it happens? Or when you can’t be bothered to go to the gym but enjoy yourself when you get there? All the same thing. You do not know the future.
So there's no point worrying about any of that.
Back to the present. The other source of problems is what is happening now. For example, you are in a traffic jam, and if it doesn’t start bloody moving in the next five minutes I’m going to be late for work getamoveonyoublindoldbat I have somewhere to be!
To me, this is madness. This is what everyone does. If you are mad Stacey, you’re not alone.
Why is this mad? Because you are resisting what is already happening.
Do you see the irony? It’s already happening! This is now!
So, if you can succeed in living life without reacting to what is going on around you, just observing with a slight smile on your face as you watch everyone else get exasperated with the present moment, then your problems will disappear. This is a guarantee. A quick fix and a long-term solution. Don’t waste your money on self-help books or expensive psychiatrists. Enjoy the moment!
;)
I hope everything’s going well with your psychiatrist. ...[snip]...Enjoy the moment!
;)
:thumbsup: I couldn't have put it better myself, catwoman. BUT .... it's not always so easy to do (ALWAYS worthwhile if you can manage it).