NBN's Advice Forum

Ask me anything. Here are a few old standards to get you started:

Q: I think my husband is cheating on me with my best friend. Should I confront him, or her?

NBN: Just watch the game carefully. When he owns Boardwalk with a hotel and she lands on it, the rent is NOT a blowjob.

Q: I suspect our receptionist is stealing out of petty cash. Should I tell the boss?

NBN: Absolutely not. She sounds like executive material. Your best bet is to try and arrange a threesome, then you have something on both of them.

Q: I love my wife, but I think my stepdaughter is coming on to me. What do I do?

NBN: You are too stupid to be so lucky.

Q: My husband likes to hang out a lot on internet porn sites. What do I do?

NBN: Don't worry, he is just shopping for the best price on Viagra. It's all for you, girl.

Q: My family is devoutly Jewish, but I have fallen in love with a Catholic girl. If I marry her it will probably kill my parents. Help me, NBN.

NBN: I will not help you kill your parents. You're on you own here, pal.

Q: What is the meaning of Life?

NBN: I don't know. We always played Chutes and Ladders when I was a kid.

If Jesus was at a concession stand before going in to see a movie, what candy would He order?

Undertoad wrote:

If Jesus was at a concession stand before going in to see a movie, what candy would He order?

A: King of the Jujubes

What is the ideal pet?

Dear NBN,
I play in an orchestra that includes many college students. My wife complains when I go out after the rehearsals with some of the students (who just coincidentally happen to be female). What should I do?

Clodfobble wrote:

What is the ideal pet?

The peeve. Everyone should have at least one pet peeve. I've noticed that most cellerites have several. (OK, I know I'm not NBN, but I couldn't resist) :D

Why do so many cowboys own dachshunds?

How do you beat Five Aces in Wild Card Poker?

How do you beat Five Aces in Wild Card Poker?

Sawnoff.

Why are there so many more questions here than answers?

Now that the assault weapon ban has expired, what's the best collapsible-stock-sporting, bayonet-lug-and-flash-suppressor equipped, 30+ round capacity semiautomatic rifle to buy?

Yes, where can I get an Uzi now that they are legal again?

russotto wrote:

Now that the assault weapon ban has expired, what's the best collapsible-stock-sporting, bayonet-lug-and-flash-suppressor equipped, 30+ round capacity semiautomatic rifle to buy?

The one that has been stolen and that you can buy with no questions asked in the alley behind the building at your local gun show. This way the Feds won't come confiscate it when the revolution starts.

Elspode wrote:

Why are there so many more questions here than answers?

If we had all the answers, we wouldn't be wasting our time in the cellar.

Ernestine wrote:

Why do so many cowboys own dachshunds?

Because they were told to "get a long little doggie"

NBN:My mother insists on arranging my marriage. Should I let her?

NBN, Why wont you help us?
Why do you tease us so?
What should I do with my garage sale money? help.

Just.....why? ;)

:thumbsup: Dag :lol:

flippant wrote:

NBN:My mother insists on arranging my marriage. Should I let her?

No, your mother should not even be arranging your flowers, never mind your marriages!

Why do alarm clocks have to fail on the worst possible morning?

Cyber Wolf wrote:

Why do alarm clocks have to fail on the worst possible morning?

It's a law. See Mr. Edward Murphy for details. :yelsick: