Humor in the campaigns

I hope we can locate humor on the campaign trail and reduce some of the partisanship, lighten the load of anger in the country. In that spirit I open this thread with two examples, one from each side, both of which happened yesterday, and both were decent one-liners, pulled off with fine comic timing.


Kerry is standing with Edwards, speechifying: "I want you to know we think this is a dream ticket. We've got better vision. We've got better ideas. We've got a better sense of what's happening to America. And we've got better hair."


Bush is being asked about the Edwards choice by a long-winded reporter asking how he would compare Edwards to Cheney. The question went on but Bush answered it with a tiny deadpan quip: "Dick Cheney can be President. Next?"

[size=1]Seen somewhere on the blogs, paraphrased.[/size]
[size=1][/size]
"Dick Cheney can be President. Next?"

That's one more reason to vote for Kerry.

I hope we can locate humor on the campaign trail and reduce some of the partisanship, lighten the load of anger in the country. In that spirit

And the spirit lasted 37 minutes.

Hey, I thought it was a funny one-liner.

Someone should do this:

1. Get all four of them: Bush, Cheney, Kerry and Edwards.
2. Tell them this is a fun bipartisan publicity stunt, to show no hard feelings between party incumbents.
3. Have them dress in something they wouldn't mind getting dirty...Tshirt, jeans, whatever.
4. Line them up in front of a large patch of prepared mud, with four shovels sticking out of it
5. Distract them a bit, let them think they'll have to do something or other with that mud.
6. When they least expect it, pie them in the face.

While not a defining value, the reactions by each man would factor in a bit in my desicion to vote for them. I find the 'Show The World That He's Just A Regular Guy Too' campaigns are a little too scripted to really show what kind of person the Pres- and VP-hopefuls are. I want to see how they react to something they totally don't expect. But, regardless of my reasons for wanting this to happen, I think it'd be great fun to watch anyway.

Is this better?

:thumb:

Oh the humanity!! The Horror!!

Happy Monkey wrote:

Hey, I thought it was a funny one-liner.

If you read it while pretending that Jay Leno is saying it during his monologue then it becomes pretty funny.

Heehee. Does Colin Powell dressing up as a Village Person mean that the White House is dropping support of DOMA?

Via Dailykos, the humorous Kerry retort to Bush's line: Kerry said Bush was right one thing about Cheney. "He was right that Dick Cheney was ready to take over on day one, and he did and he has been ever since, and that's what we got to change."

OK, I'm game. Here's two I picked up off the net. One for each side in my best bi-partisen spirit:

Best anti-Kerry sound bite: Speaking about the Democrats in an address to the Republican Governors Association, Bush said, "The candidates are an interesting group, with diverse opinions: for tax cuts and against them ... for the Patriot Act and against the Patriot Act, in favor of liberating Iraq and opposed to it. And that's just one senator from Massachusetts.''

Best campaign rally chant: At an Iowa campaign rally, Gephardt ticked off a litany of Bush administration failings and capped it off by saying, "And now he says we need to go to Mars!'' The crowd began chanting: "Send Bush to Mars! Send Bush to Mars!''

A Michael Moore editing of W's State of the Union:

nucular is the least of your worries :)

(Quicktime format)

Undertoad wrote:

I hope we can locate humor on the campaign trail and reduce some of the partisanship, lighten the load of anger in the country.

It would be a nice change. In this election, there will be a lot of pissed off people no matter who wins. Showing some good hearted humor here would go far to keeping the country together.

As irritating as many people are to me personally, just from their political views, I do recognize they are also Americans ( around here anyways ). Until there is a concerted movement to split the country up (again ), lets see something funny damnit.

[SIZE=1]If there is some type of secession though......all bets are off.[/SIZE]

In the spirit of humor;

Same spirit;

:).

This could have been it's own thread and gotten some good responses, but I consider this pretty funny so I posted it here. It's from the Pittsburgh CityPaper (Liberal Giveaway weekender rag).


F#ck The Vote (www.fthevote.com)
Because Liberals are Hotter


Pittsburgh, PA -- FtheVote.com encourages liberals to use their sex appeal to seduce and bed George W. Bush supporters in exchange for a vote against the incumbent in the November Presidential election.



F#ck The Vote (FTV) launches its Web site www.FtheVote.com on July 4, 2004, which invites its visitors to trade sex with conservatives in swing states for votes against George W. Bush in the November presidential election. FTV’s strategy is to encourage visitors to download or print from the site a Pledge Sheet to be signed by any potential sexual partners before or after relations pledging to not vote for George W. Bush in November 2004. … Additionally, FTV will promote and host a number of summertime activities. The first of these planned events will involve a number of hand-selected liberal hotties traveling to swing states for sexual meetings with conservatives on a “Swing-er-State Tour 2004” planned for late August … [T]he company will unveil its Tour Van -- complete with a convenient deployable bed for swingin’ on the run -- on a trip to the Republican National Convention.



FTV is based on two straightforward facts, liberals are hot awesome lays, and conservatives are desperate, sexually repressed, and willing to trade their vote for a good F#ck. FtheVote.com provides resources for liberals to use in locating, seducing, and (contractually) binding conservatives to vote for anyone other than George W. Bush in the November election.




I'm thinking of starting "Lick a Liberal Pussy" as a political countermeasure.

This Land is Your Land. Funny.

Awesome!! The whole point of the thread!! Two thumbs way up!!

Boo! Not the point of the thread!! Thumbs down!!

°

∙

jinx wrote:

Fox News

I saw the fnords.... :worried:

Happy Monkey wrote:

Is this better?

Hey. I've got the same music stand. $29.95 at Sam Ash.

I bet I sound better than Powell.

The New Yorker explores political vulgarisms.

Undertoad wrote:

Boo! Not the point of the thread!! Thumbs down!!

Oh, don't be such a tight ass. :p

.

the New Yorker rocks.

Happy Monkey wrote:

The New Yorker explores political vulgarisms.

Holy 2x4 upside the head, Batman, the New Yorker made a joke and I actually GOT it!

Here's a fun quiz: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blgeorgewbushquiz.htm

And...

marichiko wrote:

Here's a fun quiz: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blgeorgewbushquiz.htm

From the quiz: "Bush/Cheney '04: Don't Change Horsemen Mid-Apocalypse." That's some funny shit.

.

They need a star shape that says Badnarik or Libertarian next to it.

pretty funny wolf, but i still don't get what the big deal was about the bunny suit. everyone in that environment has to wear one. why should it be an embarrassment?

Well, Dukakkis (or however you spell his name) was wearing the appropriate suit for the ride in a tank he took when he was campaigning years ago. He was mocked for those pictures, because he really looked out of place in the tank. I imagine that memory popped into the heads of the handlers.

Of course, the official reason the pictures were removed from the NASA web page was that NASA, as a government organization, is not allowed by law to endorse one candidate or another.

the dukkakis thing was because he looked so out of place there - he truly didn't belong in a tank.
if i were kerry's handler i would have taken the photo and promoted it - something along the lines of kerry is trying to work with nasa for sending our astronauts to _____. people wouldn't have paid any attention.

funny bumpersticker

Oh,....it seem wrong, but then again, it feels so right. ;)

ROFLMAO - that is good bruce!

ohgawd...i can't breathe...i can't BREATHE....:lol:

Here's a bumpersticker for ye...

.

..

and;

Nice!!! I wish it were a joke though. Bin Laden has been in custody since June. He'll be "discovered" in mid to late October.

*straightens foil hat*

[QUOTE=Radar Bin Laden has been in custody since June. He'll be "discovered" in mid to late October.[/QUOTE]

I imagine you will soon be posting the Top-Secret Crypto document
that verifies this "fact".

Do ya think they've been doing thrice weekly dialysis on him? That would be counterintuitive, NO?

(Brianna only posted this post so she could use the word 'counterintuitive')

I imagine you will soon be posting the Top-Secret Crypto document that verifies this "fact".

There were several newspapers reporting it months ago but it got hushed up after the government denied it. I have said for months that they will spring the "we captured Bin Laden" card right before the election. It won't help Bush though. He has already lost the election, but he just doesn't know it yet.

I'm sure you'll attack any sources I post, but I'll do it anyway. Anything is more reputable and believable than the whitehouse.

http://www.etalkinghead.com/archives/pakistan-denies-bin-laden-capture-rumor-2004-02-28.html

http://english1.people.com.cn/200402/28/eng20040228_136103.shtml

http://www2.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-02/28/content_310332.htm

http://english.pravda.ru/war/2003/03/07/44136.html

http://www.paktribune.com/news/print.php?id=56525

hey radar -i'm not saying it is an impossibility but i don't really think they have him yet. but i did follow all of your links and i don't really see any point in discrediting any of them, but each one of those stories is simply reporting the fact that ONE SOURCE reported the capture of OBL while everyone involved is quoted as saying it is untrue.

the ONE SOURCE they are eaching pulling their stories from is Iranian radio. do you really think that is a credible source?

If Radio Iran and Pravda said it's true, that settles it! This veteran is voting for the guy with all the *cough-choke*medals!

Etalkinghead says

Announce the capture (or death) after the election.

That doesn't make sense. :confused:

jdbutler wrote:

If Radio Iran and Pravda said it's true, that settles it! This veteran is voting for the guy with all the *cough-choke*medals!

You believe those "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth"?

You mean Karl Rove's Navy? :)

Inherited from Nixon.

"there wernt no bullets, there wernt no danger! Kerry forged all them documents cause hes so crafty! He wernt hurt at all,..er not enuf anyways! He didnt shoot no bad guy, it was just a misunderstood kid in a loin cloth, no threat at all! He's a big faker! has everyone hoodwinked! Them guys that were actually there with him...well, He must got some kinda hypno-spell cast on em. Hes powerful thata way. Me...well I dont know were my own records is...My mean exwife musta hid em. Uh...well yeah, we're coming forward with this, changing our stories, cause of Kerry being so cowardly as to turn god damn hippie. Pissed me off! Oh, and we gets alot of money."

These guys are pathetic.

This whole medal thing is getting out of hand. Rob Cockerham has finished his investigation and has the definative report on the matter.George W. Bush medals

I try to believe that most politicians truly care for the country and are good people deep down inside, and just because I don't agree with what someone might think, that doesn't make them bad, but that simply there is a fundamental difference in our opinion. I can't believe that the government has obtained Bin Laden at this point and is waiting until before the election to reveal that they have him because that would be irrefutably despicable.

The acceptance of the ads of the Swift Boat Veterans (and the similar attacks on Cleland and McCain) shows that there's not much they won't stoop to. But I do think that a capture of Bin Laden would have been likely to leak by now.

Oh my goodness.

I can't stand Bush, but this is still funny.

And in NYC, facing Central park,.... :hafucking

Political cartoons HERE

If you like Bush, put him in your yard. ;)

We must know the truth and only these boat captains can provide it!

We, the men who were served drinks alongside George W. Bush, have partied with real party animals-- on the shores of Lake Tahoe, up and down the Gulf of Mexico, in the harbors of Kennebunkport. We have seen good men down a dozen kamikazes, and then swim once more onto the beach. We have watched the buzzed and brightest of our generation play beer pong until they were bent double, like beggars under sacks. We have known these party animals, and we have partied with them.

And George W. Bush is no party animal.

the Daily Show coverage of Zell on Earth was pretty funny. After the now famous duel challenge, Stewart commented, "Zell Miller: Building a bridge to the 18th century."

Some Vets for Kerry and their Tee Shirt Collection.

Another report.

Karl Rove found GWB’s lost war medals in a closet. They are the American Star, Purple Lion's Heart, Olympic Medal, Silver Superstar, Five Bears of Friendship Medal, Congressional Bell, Leadership Star and Fearless Ninja. ;)

wasn't that one already posted elsewhere bruce? it is still damn funny. i probably saw it on a different site. i think there were about 3 pages of medals.

Yeah, I'd down loaded them from somewhere and they had been sitting on my desktop for a while. Tonight I finally had a chance to condense them into a manageable size for the modemites. :)

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

modemites. :)

i thought they were extinct.

Far from it. In fact they are probably the silent majority. :)

interesting. i am ashamed to say that i am a computer illiterate. i wasn't once upon a time but that was ten years ago.

The original was humor in 2001. Here's the annotated version.

ohn Kerry Fan

A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans.
Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.

Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."

The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.

The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this IS Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a John Kerry fan

Clocks In Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

So That Is Politics

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thinks a little and says, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now." "Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?" The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

Kids wear the darndest things.

Oh, that little boy is so cute, so innocent, so naive. :p

I expect that shortly after this picture was taken he ripped the fur off the cat, spilled grape juice on the white living room carpet, and created an original artwork in the traditional medium of feces.

You can see it in his eyes.

"The mess in my pants is nothing compared to the mess we make of our children if we force our political ideologies on them from their early youth.

Don't Indocwinate."

Hate Bush? http://watleyreview.com/2004/021704-1.html
Hate Kerry? http://watleyreview.com/2004/082404-1.html

If you really want to scare the pants off some of your neighbors this halloween, just blow up and cut out this Karl Rove mask. But don't blame me if you are seriously injured. :lol:

Cheney claims Nostradamus warned that a Kerry victory would signal the end of the world

Vice President Dick Cheney made his most dire remarks to date about a November victory by Democratic nominee John Kerry, saying that the French seer Nostradamus warned that Mr. Kerry's election would signal the end of the world.
"Nostradamus made it quite clear that John Kerry's election would be followed shortly thereafter by the end of the universe," Cheney soberly informed his audience at an Akron, Ohio, rally yesterday. "So if you want the world to end, John Kerry is your man."

Cheney added that if Kerry were elected, "Rather than seeing the world come to an end I would put the world out of its misery by destroying it myself."

While Cheney's warnings about a Kerry win have grown increasingly grim in recent days, his claim that Nostradamus (1503-1566) predicted a Kerry-driven apocalypse was extraordinary, even by the standards of today's heated political rhetoric.
But hours after the vice president issued his latest warning, the Nostradamus prediction was powerfully discredited by a newly-formed political action committee calling itself Renaissance French Seers for Truth.

In an ad broadcast in several battleground states by the well-financed seers' group, little-known French seer Henri de Montrachet (1497-1558) is quoted as saying, "I was a seer alongside Nostradamus, and I can tell you this, Nostradamus is lying about John Kerry."

In other campaign news, President George W. Bush told reporters today that he "doubted" that the Texas National Guard memos discovered by CBS last week could be authentic because "I know exactly where the real ones are hidden."
:biggrin:

That's priceless, Bruce! Did you write that all by yourself? :D

It must be in the wind:

Cheney Predicts a Host of Plagues for States that Vote for Kerry

Glaciers Will Melt and Sinkholes Will Open in Roads
Ratcheting up election campaign rhetoric, Vice President Dick Cheney told an Ohio rally Monday that those battleground states foolish enough to vote for John Kerry will be visited by a swarm of plagues in the week's after the November 2 election.

"A state that supports Kerry can expect to see clouds of locusts, swarms of yowling cats whose litter boxes are overflowing and bats screeching in every belfry," Cheney told a rally in Erwinna, Ohio.

He said Kerry states could expect sinkholes to open up in the middle of interstate highways, banks to run out of nickels, convenience stores to stop selling donuts, and unannounced visits from Uncle Fred and Aunt Gladys that last for weeks, not days.

"That will just be for starters," Cheney told an enthusiastic crowd of about 500 cheering Republicans.

Cheney and House Speaker Dennis Hastert have both said recently that if Kerry is elected president it would invite terrorist attack. Cheney's comments Monday seemed to expand the pantheon of dangers related to John Kerry as president and signal the opening of a new front in the election battle.

"A Kerry Administration will mean that wells will run dry in those states that support him," Cheney said. "Glaciers will melt, causing rivers to flood and inundating cities with 100- and 500-year floods. Rental cars will stall within a few miles of leaving the rental car office, all dogs will bark all night, and children will pay even less attention to what their parents say than they do now."

Cheney made most of the predictions while speaking out of the side of his mouth. Aides have said in the past that anything the Vice President says from the side of his mouth should be taken very seriously.

"I'm not trying to frighten anyone into voting for President Bush," Cheney said, "but I'm here to warn that those states and counties and precincts and households that vote for John Kerry instead of the President will be making a big mistake."

Additional plagues the Vice President mentioned included:

Small towns that support Kerry can expect a new Wal-Mart to be built on the outskirts that guts the downtown business area.

Neighborhoods that support Kerry will see an alarming increase in the number of Jehovah's Witnesses coming to the door. "As many as a hundred a day," he predicted.

Families that place Kerry-Edwards signs in their front yards will experience crabgrass infestations next summer that boggle the mind. "We know who has the Kerry signs. We're keeping track," Cheney told the rally.


Copyright 2003-2004 William Stockton & Smithtown Creek Productions
All Rights Reserved

A little Nostradamus-style humor from Calvin and Hobbes...
Who knew he'd be describing a future President?

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Oh, that little boy is so cute, so innocent, so naive

And exploited by his woefully stupid parents.

That's friggin' hysterical! (Provided it's accurate.) :lol:

Brilliant! Now someone needs to find and match up election data for these regions and events: Earthquake reports from the West coast, blizzard reports from our Northern border, Tornado and flooding reports from our Midwest, oppressive humidity and foul air quality for the MidAtlantic, flooding and blizzards for New England. Let's see if natural events in these states and polling regions follow suit!

That's priceless, Bruce! Did you write that all by yourself?

It came to me as a flash out of the blue, like all great wisdom,....by email. ;)

Heeeeere, she comes,........

What's totally scary about that is that Cheyney's picture is the most believable.

Oh, this one's believable too. :lol:

Nothing the Marine Corps can't clean up. Why not?

Captain Howdy: A reference to creepy ghost communicating with Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair) in the 1973 cult classic movie "The Exorcist".... and also the name of a band that a friend of mine is in.

http://www.campchaos.com/content/647_gaybarhi.swf

http://www.campchaos.com/content/887_licking-bush.mov

and here you can see just exactly how john kerry rocks.

hmmmm...... somehow I can hear John (on vocals w/ the Electras) singing the old CCR tune: "some folks were born to raise the flag, ooh the Red, White, & Blue"...............

Hey for a bunch of kids, they actually don't suck. I've heard much worse. Kerry has gone up a notch for coolness, and becasue he absolutely beat the hell out of Bush in the debate.

Here's a sort of fun little debate game for the 2004 election.

http://www.buyitat.com/election/election2004.swf

Enjoy.

Radar wrote:

Hey for a bunch of kids, they actually don't suck. I've heard much worse. Kerry has gone up a notch for coolness, and becasue he absolutely beat the hell out of Bush in the debate.

Anyone who doesn't believe Kerry beat Bush in the debate can just ask John. I'm sure he will set the record straight. Perhaps in the upcoming debates they should replace the mediator with a scorekeeper. I woulndn't want the job, though. There's a slim chance that I may be slightly biased.

Bush's notes from the debate.

Brilliant! :lol:

Q - How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

A - None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.

hot_pastrami wrote:

Q - How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

A - None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.

Excellent!

http://johnkerryads.websiteanimal.com/

Here's an ad that lets you know EXACTLY why you should be voting for Mr. Waffl...err Kerry. Because he's 'on your side'....(whatever side that is....)

Dagney:cool:

Um, you forgot Poland!

Dagney wrote:

http://johnkerryads.websiteanimal.com/

Here's an ad that lets you know EXACTLY why you should be voting for Mr. Waffl...err Kerry. Because he's 'on your side'....(whatever side that is....)

Dagney:cool:

Yes, waffling away. :smack:

Q: What was John Mcain doing with President Bush on Air Force One?


A: Looking for a parachute.

Jon Stewart, when seriously discussing politics and the system, is not funny.

In fact, he's quite serious.

Go Jon!

Jon Stewart kicks every kind of ass available to be kicked.

Did anyone link to jibjabs unbiased humor?

Happy Monkey wrote:

Jon Stewart kicks every kind of ass available to be kicked.

When I said this, I had only read a few quotes from the transcript. Now, having seen the video[font=Arial Narrow][size=1][bittorrent][/size][/font], I would like to say that he also kicks several theoretical kinds of ass that have yet to be made available to kick.

sent to me by a friend in Australia.

Yes i know there are some factual errors in this and a little slight of hand, but this is the humor thread, so...

sent in an email (of course)

I'm trying to get all this political stuff straightened out in my head so I'll know how to vote come November. Right now, we have one guy saying one thing. Then the other guy says something else. Who to believe. Lemme see; have I got this straight?

Clinton awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Yugoslavia - good...

Bush awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Iraq - bad...

Clinton spends 77 billion on war in Serbia - good..

Bush spends 87 billion in Iraq - bad...

Clinton imposes regime change in Serbia - good...

Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...

Clinton bombs Christian Serbs on behalf of Muslim Albanian terrorists- good...

Bush liberates 25 million from a genocidal dictator - bad...
Clinton bombs Chinese embassy - good...

Bush bombs terrorist camps - bad...

Clinton commits felonies while in office - good...

Bush lands on aircraft carrier in jumpsuit - bad...

No mass graves found in Serbia - good...

No WMD found Iraq - bad...

Stock market crashes in 2000 under Clinton - good...

Economy on upswing under Bush - bad...

Clinton refuses to take custody of Bin Laden - good...

World Trade Centers fall under Bush - bad...

Clinton says Saddam has nukes - good...

Bush says Saddam has nukes - bad...

Clinton calls for regime change in Iraq - good...

Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...

Terrorist training in Afghanistan under Clinton - good...

Bush destroys training camps in Afghanistan - bad...

Milosevic not yet convicted - good...

Saddam turned over for trial - bad...

Ahh, it's so confusing!

Every year an independent tax watchdog group analyzes the average tax burden on Americans, and then calculates the "Tax Freedom Day." This is the day after which the money you earn goes to you, not the government. This year, tax freedom day was April 11th. That's the earliest it has been since 1991.

lookout123 wrote:

Every year an independent tax watchdog group analyzes the average tax burden on Americans, and then calculates the "Tax Freedom Day." This is the day after which the money you earn goes to you, not the government. This year, tax freedom day was April 11th. That's the earliest it has been since 1991.

Unfortunately, it's April 11th, 2184...

Wasn't humorous at all, I think, no matter how right or wrong... could be seen as ironic but it's really just partisan stuff. We really should keep the humor thread humorous...

I've been trying to bait out some neo-cons on a local BBS.. with the simple question 'hey, what's so good about George W... can you site somethings.. any good points?" well.. all I have gotten from 'them' is the sound of crickets chirping.. so I poked around on the web.. and found quite a few very very informative sites.. but THIS one is just plain funny.

http://w4prez.com/index.html#good

take it out for a spin if you need a good laugh.. and I think we all do right about now :)

Good lord. It's depressing how little of that is actual clues that he's joking...

:smack: Spell check? George W uphoalds the death penilty and will execute men who break laws.

yeah I kinda think that's one of the funny parts.. the whole dubyaisms.. the mangling of the language and all that...damnit! I can't find my link for the bushisms page :((

Courtesy of EnjoyTheDraft.com

These guys have a go at what might happen with the e-voting machines in Florida.

Caveat: The site loads kinda slow. But be patient, it's worth it, sez I.

I can't get it at all. Youse guys must have worn it out. :hafucking

Ok, Bruce, this one's for you since you had so much trouble with the link :D

Creepy...

http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/6019/bohemianrhapsody3.swf

And if Bush ran against Jesus........

Not fake. :biggrin:

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

And if Bush ran against Jesus........

You know, I was thinking along those same lines. However, it was more along the lines of the Bush campaign disputing all but one of Jesus' stigmata.

Coming home from work, Rte 352, Edgemont ave. in Brookhaven, PA, for those that know the area.
Two guys walking up & down the sidewalk carrying homemade signs.
Tall guy in a Kerry mask and work clothes, with a sign that says, "My tax bracket is 15%" and "I'm United Nations compliant".
Shorter guy wearing camo, and his sign says, "I have a plan" & "Will marry for money".
Two police cars positioned descreetly close by, watching. :)

Nader finally managed to get in on a debate!


Yes, that is on the official Nader site.

:cool:

Just got back from "The Capitol Steps". Funny show. The bits that stuck with me the most - from "Lirty Dies": "Rill O'Bilely has a fable show on Cox.." "Startha Mewart, the kitch of the bitchen..."

Righty humorist Scott Ott of Scrappleface has been on fire this election season, with Onion-quality headlines such as

"Kerry: Bush Outsourced Bin Laden Video Production"
"Pa. Governor Puts Slot Machines in Voting Booths"
"Saddam Worried Explosive Cache Now in 'Wrong Hands'"

and then yesterday

"Kerry Votes for Bush, Before Voting Against Him"

and then today

"Bush Declares End of Major Campaign Operations"

A vocal local Democrat has a cluster of Bush signs at the end of his driveway, apparently he lost a bet with his neighbor. The wounds will heal if you don't pick at them.

Don't cry, there's always 2008. :p

jinx wrote:

http://fuckthesouth.com/

Great link, thanks. :lol2:

damn you Jinx! you beat me to it! here's the cut and paste for those of us too lazy to follow links.

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

and uh, can I get an amen?

Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. :) I agree with you for the most part, though.

jinx wrote:

http://fuckthesouth.com/

Cute...

Wrong, but cute. :)

Other than (arguably) the attitude, what in it is wrong?

Laughed myself to pieces...Thnx :D

Happy Monkey wrote:

Other than (arguably) the attitude, what in it is wrong?

I meant wrong as in "I know you didn't just say that..." kind of wrong, funny haha wrong.

But truthfully, there are stupid, bible thumping rednecks spread liberally *snicker* all over the country. See the red spots.

although I don't know how funny this is really... take a look at a more acurate breakdown of the whole red vs. blue state thing. doing a quick reply so I can't post the picture directly.

http://www.larryville.com/forum/index.cgi?read=7529

go on look.. you know you want to!

We actually examined those here

http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=7178

jinx wrote:

http://fuckthesouth.com/

http://www.nealpollack.com/cgi-bin/blog/do.cgi/200411101441/permalink

Don't Fuck The South [Nov 10, 2004]

I know I promised I wouldn't post again this week, but I've been receiving emails all day about this site, because people think I'll find it "funny." Well, it's not funny. The writer makes some valid points about how the South seems to get a disproportionate amount of federal pork. That, I'll give him. But as for the rest of his (or her) argument, I can say one word: Nonsense.

The South isn't the only region of the country that is over-pious about its churchgoing and aggressive in trumpeting its "values." You can find equal culprits all over the country. This isn't a regional conflict we're in, it's an intellectual one, and people live on both sides of the debate in every state. Northern stereotypes about the South are snobbish and annoying. Enough already!

I was born in Memphis, grew up in Phoenix, got married in Nashville, went on my honeymoon in North Carolina, and live in Austin. Many dear friends grew up in and still reside below the Mason-Dixon Line. The South is diverse. It's varied. And yes, it's ignorant in many ways. But I've never lived in a more segregated place than Chicago, the epitome of a great Northern city, and have never seen as much concentrated poverty and injustice in this country as when I lived in Philadelphia, the birthplace of our Constitution. So spare me the superiority rap.

The south gave us Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Michael Jordan, Hank Williams, Tennessee Williams, fried chicken, Gone With The Wind, Truman Capote, pecan pie, barbecue, Mark Twain, and manned flight. The list goes on and on. Thomas Jefferson and George Washington were both from Virginia, both founding fathers and both gun-toting slave owners. If you say 'fuck the South," you're saying fuck Nashville and Charlotte and Charleston, and Atlanta, and Austin, and New Orleans, and Athens, Georgia, the city that gave us the B52s and R.E.M. and...OK, well, fuck R.E.M. But that has nothing to do with the South.

I assume this person is a Democrat. The last three Democratic Presidents came from Texas, Georgia, and Arkansas, respectively. I say this to all of you who think it's funny and wise to say "fuck the South." If you fuck the South, you're fucking yourselves.

Troubleshooter wrote:

[
I say this to all of you who think it's funny and wise to say "fuck the South." If you fuck the South, you're fucking yourselves.

Not wise just funny. And I have also been known to say Fuck Colorado. :D Listen I wouldn't take that article too seriously anyway...Someone is just broadcasting their poli-angst and I'm sure they are well aware of how irrational that view is.....I'm not sure why you would give it so much credit?

Uh flippant, that post was a quote from the link to Neal Pollack. ;)

[youtube]dYjhFjvw5gk[/youtube]

Are You ready?

Dealing...

Brilliant Bruce.

Ahhhh the impending doom...That really is an frightening picture.

Generation gap?

Marti Gras

lol - thats too funny.

Close up and personal.

I don't know if this has been mentioned previously but, Lynne Cheney discovered when researching family history that Dick Cheney is distantly related to Barrack Obama. A member of Obama's staff was asked to comment on this and replied "Well, theres a black sheep in every family"

:cool: :biglaugha

Mitt Romney supporter meltdown on super tuesday.

funnyordie

american idol

Ah, good ol' domestic violence.

Except the paleness of the arm that was good Photoshop.

Not that I support slapping women--I don't.

Just making sure, I definitely didn't mean to imply it was mine... I couldn't draw a stick figure with photoshop. MSPaint is more my skill level. :)

I got this from boards.Straightdope.com, paraphrasing out of my memory:

"The only way Barack can lose this campaign is to walk over, squeeze one of Hillary's breasts, and go 'honk'".

It might get him more votes than he'd lose.

deadbeater;434946 wrote:

I got this from boards.Straightdope.com, paraphrasing out of my memory:

"The only way Barack can lose this campaign is to walk over, squeeze one of Hillary's breasts, and go 'honk'".

Love it. Great line.

Not campain related just political.