Naming Your Child
Ever come across someone and wonder what their parents were thinking when they named them? Sometime ago, I was on a conference call for work when we heard someone call in late. The moderator paused and asked who had joined.
"Walter."
"Walter, what's your last name?"
"Melon."
...
There was a long pause from the group. Yep: Walter Melon. It was so distracting and I couldn't stop from cracking up, eventually having to mute the phone. How is it that someone like that gets through their childhood years? How do you grow up and not hate your parents for it? I can't imagine the daily torture that the poor guy must have gone through.
Ah, I suppose it could be worse, though.
Good morning, class!
My name is...
I hope that is a mistake.
Once someone gets the courage to explain it to her, she'll be asking people to "just call me Susan."
I have a list of favorites. There are numerous "What were you thinkings" that we've collected over the years at work.
Oh crap. I think I can't tell you some of the best ones because of HIPPA. :P I'll have to go through the list and find the ones that weren't patients.
Oh, wait ... this guy's a probation officer, so I can tell yah ...
Shane Shady.
See, we actually thought about all this crap... we wanted names that were common enough that people would know them, but not the big common names everybody was using. And we wanted names with only one spelling, and we made sure the initials didn't spell anything embarassing.
You can't plan for everything. My parents thought they chose the perfect name, common, no obvious mocking nicknames arising from it, no strange spellings... end result? I hate my name because it's so boring.
To that end I plan on giving my kids more interesting (though not outright weird) names, and I'm sure they'll resent them for their own reasons just like me.
I once had a neigbor who had the last name of "Rule." He named his two kids "Slide" and "Golden." I kid you not. I always liked my first name until Bill Clinton came along. At the time I was working a job that required us to wear name tags. The joke got old before I heard the first one.:rolleyes:
LOL, ok. When I worked in the fraud department of Fleet Bank, I had to make outbound calls to cardholders and verify their card activity. You had to make these calls through a dialer, which would bring up the customer automatically. You could manually work the dialer as well. If you could not get in touch with the customer, you had the option of sending a letter with a number that they could call Fleet to verify the activity.
Well, I would come across the strangest names, especially if they were not English names. Imagine my surprise when the name:
"Ding Ding"
came up on my screen. No way was I talking to that person (I was laughing too damned hard), so they got the letter. :D
Another name I came across (not at Fleet, but at another job):
Bhang Pow
:haha:
Hope I'm not breaking any laws by revealing those names...heh!
I worked with a guy named Warren Pete
A gal I met at a party has a teenage daughter. There is a set of twins in her daughter's class. Their first names are pronounced
o-ran-gel-o
and
le-mon-gel-o
emphasis on the second syllable
They are written like this:
Orangejello
Lemonjello
Oh how could I ever forget THIS name:
Scenario: Radio station in Baltimore. DJ asks people to call up and give shout outs.
DJ: "Yeah hellooo who's this?"
Caller: "Yeah um hi. My name is Shayleilakweykwey!" (since there is no way I could spell this properly, I am spelling it the way it sounded.)
DJ: "Shayleila who-what??!!"
Caller: "Shayleilakweykwey!"
DJ: "Is that your whole name?"
Caller: "No that's my first name!"
:haha: I cried rivers of laughter on that one. That had to be THE most ghetto name in the history of names!!! :D
Orangejello
Lemonjello
Their mum should be inprisoned over that, talk about cruel and unusual.
I've heard of the brothers Orangejello and Lemonjello many times over the last few years... I think it's an urban legend.
We named our daughter Ashlynn Illyrica Winter. TS picked out the first name, I picked out the second (it's the name of an ancient greek city that I once read about, and I thought it was pretty), and Winter---well, it's a pretty name, and she was born when there was, unexpectedly in La., snow on the ground.
Ashlynn is just normal enough. Illyrica is pretty much unique, and Winter is just pretty.
I hate common, or overly popular names....I wanted her to have a name that no one else had.
If i recall correctly I think in Germany and also France you cant just pick a name out the air for your child. The name that goes on their birth certificate has to conform to certain standards.
Originally posted by DanaC
If i recall correctly I think in Germany and also France you cant just pick a name out the air for your child. The name that goes on their birth certificate has to conform to certain standards.
Mine conformed to standards at the time and a lot of good that ended up doing me.:D
In Canada too, the government can reject your child's name and make you pick a new one.
what!? how dare they? that's wrong on so many levels. what is the justification?
That it's a form of child abuse. It's rarely called into play, when I read about it they listed examples of rejected names, like 4175896, or Satan, etc.
I think in Germany the name has to be one of the names in the big name book.....I think...
Originally posted by DanaC
I think in Germany the name has to be one of the names in the big name book.....I think...
Yeah, I was in that book. My good Swiss-German Mom picked my name out if her very own self. A lot of good those books do! (bitter, bitter, bitter - flounces off in a huff to hate dear old Mom)
This topic seems familiar to me, and so for those of you who already heard me relate this gem:
My mom went to high school with two brothers. Last name was Pullins. First names? Richard and Peter.
i have numerous funny names to list, but wolf mentioned hippa, and i think i'm better safe than sorry.
cough*nusspickle*cough
ahem
HIPPA only applies to healthcare workers, not car salesmen.
Originally posted by Clodfobble
HIPPA only applies to healthcare workers, not car salesmen.
well, we call it by another name, but it's the same privacy act bullshit that i have to deal with. and i did say that "wolf mentioned hippa" not "i have to comply with hippa"
and i'm not a car salesman ;)
My name is a good boring, sensible, biblical name. Mark Stevens. 60% of the people I've just met call me Steve. Fucking parents ;-) Gonna name my firstborn Kissmyass Stevens. And your name is......?
well, we call it by another name, but it's the same privacy act bullshit that i have to deal with.
Really? I had no idea you guys were bound by any privacy laws at all.
A friend of mine named her daughter Noa, proud of herself that she'd made it up and it was totally unique. She was disappointed when I told her it's actually a traditional Hebrew girls name.
And though I hate my first name (Jennifer) I'm pretty partial to my middle name, Lee. I briefly attempted to go by Lee instead around sixth grade, but it never caught on.
yeah, well if you think about it, i could really fuck someone up if i wanted to break the law. i have access to thousands of customers' ss#'s, income, address, signatures. everything i need to buy a car in their name, get credit cards, whatever.
what the hell is someone going to do with the knowledge that you have a cyst on your ass?
our next door neighbor, Garnet Ford had a salesman that stole 8 identities and fled the state with something upwards of $50K in creditcard purchased items. if you see him his name is Nelson Santiago. crap eater.
Originally posted by Clodfobble
[I]And though I hate my first name (Jennifer) I'm pretty partial to my middle name, Lee. I briefly attempted to go by Lee instead around sixth grade, but it never caught on.
Jennifer is a nice name! Now I'm curious about your last name tho, you mentioned you'd never name a child blue because it wouldn't work?
Yeah I realize I gave my real name out on the internet. I don't give a shit. If you (anonymous psychos) want to show up and fuck with me give it your best shot.
Just don't kill me in the shower tho because that kind of freaks me out a little.
Jennifer is a nice name! Now I'm curious about your last name tho, you mentioned you'd never name a child blue because it wouldn't work?
It has a predominant "oo" sound. A lot of names I like sound terrible with it--Julie, Lucas, Lucy...
what the hell is someone going to do with the knowledge that you have a cyst on your ass?
Ask you if you plan on sellin' that thing once it's removed?
Kitsune,, this is weird but that town abrevation is for Paragould Arkansas , where i live , i looked up that name , and had to go back to the 97-98 phone book but i found it ,
small world we live in ain't it ?????:eek:
his is weird but that town abrevation is for Paragould Arkansas , where i live
"He's posting... from inside your house! Get out of there, now!"
Sperm Donor named me...he got to the birth certificate folks before my mom did.
Fucker.
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
I had a call from a customer once....who's name was Pobya Hymen....
And yes, he was a gynecologist.
At one of my old jobs, I dealt with a customer with the first name Semen.
Originally posted by Clodfobble
[I]/[I]
It has a predominant "oo" sound. A lot of names I like sound terrible with it--Julie, Lucas, Lucy...
blue goo?
Fortescue?
Lewis?
Truman?
Figenshue?
Originally posted by sycamore
At one of my old jobs, I dealt with a customer with the first name Semen.
first name!? ouch!
Originally posted by Kitsune
his is weird but that town abrevation is for Paragould Arkansas , where i live
"He's posting... [b]from inside your house! Get out of there, now!" [/B]
THAT, was friggin hilarious.
Originally posted by lumberjim
yeah, well if you think about it, i could really fuck someone up if i wanted to break the law. i have access to thousands of customers' ss#'s, income, address, signatures. everything i need to buy a car in their name, get credit cards, whatever.
what the hell is someone going to do with the knowledge that you have a cyst on your ass?
our next door neighbor, Garnet Ford had a salesman that stole 8 identities and fled the state with something upwards of $50K in creditcard purchased items. if you see him his name is Nelson Santiago. crap eater.
Actually, its amazing how many "invisible people" have access to the very same information. At one point for a while I helped out a friend who ran his own janitorial business. Several of his clients were large car dealerships. One of his employees quit abruptly on him, so for a while I went in to the local Nissan dealership every night to do their cleaning. It was required to dust off and clean every item of furniture including desks. The paperwork those car salesmen left laying around was astonishing. I could have easily stolen 20 or 30 identities, no problem. They also had the keys to every car hanging on this carosel thing in one corner of the dealership. Each key was tagged as to what car it went with. I'd amuse myself with the fantasy of becoming Ms. Eva So-Ritch and speeding off down the highway in a sporty little Nissan. I figured if I pulled off the caper at 8:00pm when the last salesman left, I'd have at the very least until 7:00am (and probably much longer) when the first one's arrived for the day - a good 11 hour head start. By then I would have switched the plates at least twice and been damn near the Mexican border. It rather surprises me that this sort of thing doesn't happen more often.;)
Originally posted by lumberjim
our next door neighbor, Garnet Ford had a salesman that stole 8 identities and fled the state with something upwards of $50K in creditcard purchased items. if you see him his name is Nelson Santiago. crap eater.
I think something similar happened at a dealership in Royersford, except their guy wasn't smart enough to flee.
He stole a lot more money direct from the finance company, though.
Originally posted by marichiko
They also had the keys to every car hanging on this carosel thing in one corner of the dealership. Each key was tagged as to what car it went with. I'd amuse myself with the fantasy of becoming Ms. Eva So-Ritch and speeding off down the highway in a sporty little Nissan. I figured if I pulled off the caper at 8:00pm when the last salesman left, I'd have at the very least until 7:00am (and probably much longer) when the first one's arrived for the day - a good 11 hour head start. By then I would have switched the plates at least twice and been damn near the Mexican border. It rather surprises me that this sort of thing doesn't happen more often.;)
we had a wrangler stolen just last night. 2:20 am. got em on tape. three weeks ago, some stupid kid stole the wheels off of a Rubicon Wrangler. One saturday 4 years ago or so, we came in and found that 10 cars ( 300M's and LHS's 1 town&country) had had their chrome wheels stolen. three minivans, one new wrangler and now this used one makes 5 stolen vehicles since i've been here (6yrs). not too bad considering. Mari, you;re right. Part of the new rules say that all paperwork must be locked in desks or offices.
Originally posted by dar512
A gal I met at a party has a teenage daughter. There is a set of twins in her daughter's class.
...
Orangejello
Lemonjello
Snopes says ... nopes.
I'm still stuck with the HIPPA thing. I can't give the real deal on this one ... but there is a family, let's just say their last name is "Blue" ... There are brother's who's first names run along the pattern of one being called "Midnight" and the other "Navy".
Mom's name is "Periwinkle." I have admitted all three. I don't know if dad has ever been identified.
The police chief of Ambler, PA is Rocco Wack. If he is not working when you call looking for him, the desk sergeant will respond "Wack's off."
The principle chief of the Cherokee Nation is Wilma Mankiller.
we had a wrangler stolen just last night. 2:20 am. got em on tape. three weeks ago, some stupid kid stole the wheels off of a Rubicon Wrangler. One saturday 4 years ago or so, we came in and found that 10 cars ( 300M's and LHS's 1 town&country) had had their chrome wheels stolen. three minivans, one new wrangler and now this used one makes 5 stolen vehicles since i've been here (6yrs). not too bad considering.
Damn Jim , so thats how you can afford to live in that big house !!how do you keep from getting cought ???
My sister in law is called Jennifer :)
I got lumbered with three fornames heheh. Danielle Sara Eleana Coombs
I was in the grocery store last week and got a good laugh. You know how folks have been naming there kids after products and fortune 500 companies? There was a woman running around the store calling to her child...Chase!
Hah! Good site, Dagney!
"How about Lou? When I was in England, I heard that name and it seemed to have a little tinkle to it. Randy is good too."
That's another difficult aspect -- what if your name means something to other cultures?
I was always curious what would happen if your last name was "Bates" and you were rich enough to have a butler. That might be a bit uncomfortable.
When my friend was in Physician Assistant school, one of the books that he had to read was a well-known medical tome on anatomy by Bates.
The professor, completely deadpan, advised the class that they would "have to master Bates daily."
Originally posted by lumberjim
we had a wrangler stolen just last night. 2:20 am. got em on tape. three weeks ago, some stupid kid stole the wheels off of a Rubicon Wrangler. One saturday 4 years ago or so, we came in and found that 10 cars ( 300M's and LHS's 1 town&country) had had their chrome wheels stolen. three minivans, one new wrangler and now this used one makes 5 stolen vehicles since i've been here (6yrs). not too bad considering. Mari, you;re right. Part of the new rules say that all paperwork must be locked in desks or offices.
I wonder if everybody now does. Another job I once had was a horticultural technician for a big indoor plant maintenance outfit - you know the people who come in and take care of the plants in those big indoor atriums in snappy office buildings and stuff? I took care of many of the downtown office building accounts and people would have plants on their desks and standing in their offices that I needed to take care of. I had free access to the offices of bank presidents, lawyers, stock brokers, you name it. They'd go off to lunch or out for a 2 hour conference leaving client's files spread all over their desks. People's home address, credit card numbers, social security number, bank accounts, investments - all there in open view. As "the plant lady" it was like I wore an invisibility cloaking shield. No one ever thought twice about me as I walked down the halls with my watering cans and plants. I could have wrecked havoc if I'd felt like it. I think it just goes to show that the majority of people are still pretty honest, really. But all it takes is one, like the guy who stole your car last night.:(
I don't feel comfortable posting details, but let's just say I really wish we had a card swipe system at work that would identify what card was used every time a door is open, rather than metal keys.
Originally posted by Lady Sidhe
We named our daughter Ashlynn Illyrica Winter. TS picked out the first name, I picked out the second (it's the name of an ancient greek city that I once read about, and I thought it was pretty), and Winter---well, it's a pretty name, and she was born when there was, unexpectedly in La., snow on the ground.
Ashlynn is just normal enough. Illyrica is pretty much unique, and Winter is just pretty.
I hate common, or overly popular names....I wanted her to have a name that no one else had.
But you had the deceny to make the uncommon name her middle name. Do you have any idea what kind of things kids in public schools can do with the name Illyrica?
My wife dislikes her first name enough that she used her middle name. After 20 years I have to remind myself that the name I call her is her middle name, usually when filling out paperwork. Since we use her first initial and full middle name or first initial and middle initial, or sometimes first name, etc. her credit report lists all of the combinations as AKA (also known as). I think there were six or eight variations listed there.
..and no, I will not tell you what her first name is. While I have never held much back from the Cellar, spending the next 20 years on the couch is a high price to pay for full disclosure.
Originally posted by wolf
Once someone gets the courage to explain it to her, she'll be asking people to "just call me Susan."
I have a list of favorites. There are numerous "What were you thinkings" that we've collected over the years at work.
Oh crap. I think I can't tell you some of the best ones because of HIPPA. :P I'll have to go through the list and find the ones that weren't patients.
Oh, wait ... this guy's a probation officer, so I can tell yah ...
Shane Shady.
My father's a doctor (not an ob-gyn) and one of his pet peeves was people who named their kids after drug brand names or medical procedures. He swore to me that there are children out there name Lidocaine, with maybe a slight variation for spelling.
I still only half believe it. Unfortunately, the social security adminstration only lists the 1000 most popular first names, so I cannot verify this.
horticultural technician
That mean plant waterer right? Gotta love PC naming. Least when I did a stint in a nursery they called it what it was.
Originally posted by richlevy
My wife dislikes her first name enough that she used her middle name. After 20 years I have to remind myself that the name I call her is her middle name, usually when filling out paperwork. Since we use her first initial and full middle name or first initial and middle initial, or sometimes first name, etc. her credit report lists all of the combinations as AKA (also known as). I think there were six or eight variations listed there.
..and no, I will not tell you what her first name is. While I have never held much back from the Cellar, spending the next 20 years on the couch is a high price to pay for full disclosure.
What was her first name by the way?
Yeah come on.. the couch is nothing...
just as long as we aren't talking about the doghouse.
Rich, does your wife read the cellar? I'm going to assume for now that her given name is........
.....uhm.......
.....er........
Hermione?
Gertrude.
No, no, wait ... I got it ... Hadassah.
Originally posted by jaguar
That mean plant waterer right? Gotta love PC naming. Least when I did a stint in a nursery they called it what it was.
child care professional?
I think he was talking about a plant nursery.;)
My good friend had a client in England, with whom he spoke frequently... the fellow's name was "Harry Ramsbottom." I'm glad he wasn't my client, because I'd have temporaily lost my ability to speak or operate the telephone-machine every time he called.
You want to name your daughter something unique?
Susan
That's right, name her Susan. Last year, there were only 550 baby Susans named in the entire USA. Compare that to the 25494 Emilys.
Any babies named "Judas" last year, or the last thousand years?
Other than that Priest kid?
You are correct, I forgot about the kid, but hey, I'm old and entitled to my share of senility.
I never thought it possible; that was till I met Justin,..... Case:D
there are a lot a funny names at my work, sadly enough my short-term memory is gone....but a name i can well remember is my mothers Urbaine Antonia Leonia Cornelia Morren Voila, vraiment catholic! Hèhè
I once knew someone named 'Leaf'. And 'Harmony'. God I hate those pretentious hippy names. No, I hate the pretentious hippy people with those names. Do you think your name has an impact on your personality? Like when people used to be called things like Manic Tree Chopper or Nice Big Smile. I don't know how something like 'Doug' would impact your personality though. I guess you might dig a lot.
Butch: "I'm an American, honey. Our names don't mean shit."
From: Pulp Fiction
Of course, of all the people in the movie, Butch was the one whose name most obviously matched his character.
Are you really a happy little monkey then?
its a coincidence obvious, but funny !! Is catwoman a name because your lovely like a cat or fat like mine? hahaha
I once met a man named Ed Smelstoys. yeah. pronounced just like it looks. smells toys. i had to wonder what 'kind' of toys he smelled. and if his name came from a family profession like smith or wright. i was sitting with another guy i had met, and Ed called. we talked a bit, and when i got off the phone i chuckled. the fella i was sitting with raised an eyebrow at my chuckling, so i said " that was Ed Smelstoys."
so the guy says, " jeez,.... Ed Smelstoys...... I'd have to change my name.........I think it would have to be "Paul Smelstoys"
Originally posted by York
its a coincidence obvious, but funny !! Is catwoman a name because your lovely like a cat or fat like mine? hahaha
Because I'm elegant, graceful, sensual, feline, athletic, sharp-witted, arrogant and like being stroked.
hahaaha my gf s name s catlover, that explains a lot with her as well! ; ) , a friend of mine s daughter name is Zoe Ven its dutch, it try translate, euh something like, justin now.... or justin time...u ll get it....
"I don't know how something like 'Doug' would impact your personality though. I guess you might dig a lot."
Or Bob. You might end up with no arms or legs, in a pool.
here we go.......
who can tell me what russle would do?
What do you call the same guy after 6 months?
Pete!
Guy with no arms and no legs waterskiing?
Skip!
Originally posted by lumberjim
here we go.......
who can tell me what russle would do?
Steal cattle.
What do you call cattle with no legs?
Ground Beef!
2 legs?
Lean Ground Beef!
Originally posted by Catwoman
Are you really a happy little monkey then?
I wouldn't say "little"...
same guy named Phil might spend a lot of time sitting in a hole.
Consuelo - No legged, female Mexican
Great names to have paged at the airport:
I.P. Freely (a classic)
Al Coholic
Ben Dover
Oliver Closov (hehe)
Come on Syc, I know you have more to add..LOL. :p
Dr Richard Woodcock teamed up with his friend Mr. M. Bonner Johnson to come up with a slew of psychological tests aimed at evaluating children's abilities.
They call their tests the Woodcock-Johnson.
Lest we forget the two classics:
Mike Hunt and Mike Hawk.
Originally posted by Happy Monkey
I wouldn't say "little"...
Huge and squishy eh?
And sinuously intertwined.
Originally posted by Arliquin
I never thought it possible; that was till I met Justin,..... Case:D
Um...actually, my brother's name is Justin.
Coulda sworn I posted this yesterday...
I knew a girl named "Delicia" once, and she was a real bitch. Whether it was bitterness over the name, I don't know, but I cannot imagine being named something stupid like that and not being angry over it.
Once, in high school, we managed to have "Mike Hawksred" paged over the intercom.
Rho and I heard I.P. Freely paged at BWI airport 4 years ago. Who was the dummy that didn't catch that one? We think my brother did it, but he swears up and down that it wasn't him.
Back in high school, my friends and I called a bowling alley and asked them to page Mike Hunt. The person that answered the phone replied, "Why? Did you lose one?"
I would like to change my surname to Za and name my son Pete.
Pete Za.
I knew a girl named "Delicia" once, and she was a real bitch. Whether it was bitterness over the name, I don't know, but I cannot imagine being named something stupid like that and not being angry over it.
I think their attitude is often derrived from the name they're given. My case study: a girl with "Bootsy" on her birth certificate. Jesus, that girl was bitch.
Syndicated collumn "News of the Weird" has been running a series for years of the idiotic things people with the middle name of "Wayne" find themselves involved with.
I don't think it's causal. It's just that idiots have parents who are also idiots.
That reminds me.
I read a book, and make up a story for my 5 year old daughter every night before bed. I make up various stories, but she hates the stories I try to tell about Dwayne. Dwayne is a naughty child and is always sneaking around behind his parents' backs, doing thing he shouldn't. Of course, he always gets hurt and has to go to the hospital. Playing with knives, cuts off finger. Carelessly goes into busy street, gets run over. Etc.
Whenever I start: "Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Dwayne..." she seriously protests, and won't let me continue the story. So then I make up something about faeries in the woods or something. No, not that kind of faerie, LJ. :)
I hope she never meets a real boy named Dwayne. I would feel sorry for him. I actually chose that name consiously because we have never known anyone named Dwayne.
Any of you guys ever left a note for a colleague asking them to ring back a Mr C Lyon and giving the number of the local zoo (not identified as such, obviously) ...:D
when i was a restaurant manager, filling in as host one busy friday night, a kid slipped one by me: Feltersnatch. yup. i heard it as i said it. i had to laugh. "Feltersnatch! party of two.....uh....huh huh"
What kind of resteraunt?
That's quite a career change.
Whenever a friend of mine had to give a name at a restaurant, he would casually say "Bobosovitchsteinstinklehoffenberg" and when they did a double take he would just nod knowingly and say, "Dave."
Check out the submitter's name on
this document.
with an eye patch to boot.
Arr! I be black beard barry mycock! Avast!
I love it when people ask for my name.
"Stanislaskuzava" is my reply.
"Um...... Uh...... Oh jeez........ How do you spell that?"
"It's spelled like it sounds."
I had to make a delivery at a local store one day. The person who placed the order was "Debbie Bubee". So, of course, she had to be a cute clerk in a lingerie store.
Say what you will, but my wife laughs at me every time we go past there.
with an eye patch to boot.
Good ol' one eye.
