If I showed up at your door

Like tonight, before you go to bed. I've been divorced or on the run from something. And I ended up in your town by chance, vaguely remembered your name and looked you up in the phone book.

So you're all like "who are you, what do you want?", and I'm all like "It's me, blue58...you know, from the cellar".

"Anyway I'm in a bit of a jam, and I know you don't know me from Adam, but I could really use a place to stay for a coupla days"

What would you do, and I mean if it truly happened like this for me or any other cellar member? Looking for totally honest replies here, although smartass comments are indeed welcome and expected (and appreciated), but want some serious thoughts too.

Unless you appeared to be an obvious problem, ie wearing gang colours- exuding a powerfully disgusting smell- carrying a weapon of any sort- stoned or drunk- carrying a bible etc etc...., I would be happy to help in any way possible.

If a cellar member was in serious need for a place to crash for a few days, there wouldnt be a problem.

If the cellar member wouldnt object to having my Glock pointed at their head until they logged in to prove their identity, they could crash in my second bedroom. For a few days.

You'd have to be seriously desparate to want to stay here though. Fort Slang is the polar opposite of the Undertoad estate. Not a lot you'd find interesting or appealing here.

But as for the regulars that I have met, we could skip the identity login/ Glock to temple process. This would apply to even those that I personally find the most annoying.

You might find some temporary shelter, but you'd be listening to me tell you how irritating and wrong some of your opinions in a given post have been.

Overall though, I think this is actually a pretty civil and generous group and I'm glad that people tolerate me here. If a member was in serious need, I'd help them if I could.




Even you Jag.










(But ooohh the lecture you'd get before you crashed..........wow.)

I'd pick you up where ever you were calling from, get you something to eat, then drop you at LJ's house.
No seriously, we'd talk while you ate and I if was uncomfortable, I'd put you in a motel, prepaid with cash, of course.;)

Same here... it would totally depend on what it was that got you into the situation.

Divorce etc., no problem, come on in, we've got plenty of good booze in the house.

If you were, say, covered in blood and asking to borrow the shovel, well then I'd have to insist you hosed off in the yard first--I'm very neurotic about stains. :)

In any case though, I have to admit I'm very leery of people wanting to stay for "a coupla days." I'd likely only go for one night, unless there were a very established deadline, like "my brother can wire me money as soon as he gets paid again" or "I'll surrender myself on Thursday, after I've seen the new South Park."

Five business days. That's plenty of time to arrange other accomodations or convince me something was happening that would get you taken care of.

All that depends on what the committee says of course...

I'd ask jinx what to do.

better safe than sorry.

i would worry that you could be some crazy freak with an alter id online. there would be no way for me to know for sure if you were really who you are online. i would be afraid to open the door. i am generally suspicious and a little untrusting when it comes to strangers asking for my help...now, if i had some way to check your background and prove 100% that you are the person that you seem to be here at the cellar, i would let you in and help you out...it's just that - how would i know??

I would probably say "come on in" and apologize for the lack of a spare comfortable place to sleep.

I've had a person from atypedigital come by at about one a.m. asking for a place to stay for the week... but then, I'd known him in real life for a few years, so it's a different scenario altogether.

"OK, listen; from time to time somebody goes nuts and makes more of me that they're supposed to, because I appear to run the place. Nothing pisses me off worse. I don't know why you picked me but I gotta assume that's why. And I gotta admit, I think that's very fucked up.

"On the other hand, sure maybe you didn't have anywhere else to go. OK, here's what we'll do. Tonight, you can stay at the Hampden Inn on me. Tomorrow, you come back here, I'll make you some eggs and we can start a thread on this. I'm pretty sure if you really need help, we can figure this out."

I used to be much more free about this stuff before I got kids. I'd ask Jim to ask Jinx.

I'd ask Jim to ask Jinx.

:haha: :haha: :haha:

Originally posted by slang
If the cellar member wouldnt object to having my Glock pointed at their head until they logged in to prove their identity, they could crash in my second bedroom.

Even a driver's license would not be sufficient. How the old standards have fallen. Today's new standards for identification - The Cellar.

Originally posted by tw
Even a driver's license would not be sufficient. How the old standards have fallen. Today's new standards for identification - The Cellar.

I think the Cellar is a higher standard.

Any monkey can get a driver's license. Give me a couple of days and a little money and I can have several DL's with different names that would pass any visual test.

"The Cellar. The new standard of Excellence!"

Another idea.

If you can survive a year as a resident of the Cellar you can be considered a citizen and can vote.

Heinlein anyone? Anyone?

A few years ago, my oldest son came home with a lost soul in tow. My stepkids were still pretty young at the time. The kid had a sob story about being away from home, no money, no place to stay. He even called his alleged mom to verify his story, but she sounded like any other woman to me. For all I knew, she could have been his accomplice in something.

To make a long story short, I gave the kid a nice hot meal, all the cash I had ($20), told him the names of a couple of public assistance services, and wished him luck.

I couldn't take the risk of letting him stay over for a day or two (which was what he wanted). I have a family to consider, and I simply knew *nothing* about him. So I did what my conscience told me. I helped him, but not as much as I would have helped a Cellarite with a provable identity.

The Cellar eventually showed the human side of Radar and the comedian in Quzah. TW is a work in progress.:)

Sorry blue. I don't think a passing acquaintance on the net equates to a "friend you can crash with" IRL. A net relationship is not the same thing as a real life relationship.

[COLOR=indigo]**smiles warmly at Bruce**

Depending on the person asking, I'd let them say.
It would have to be someone who I consider a "long timer" here, and with whom I've developed a level of comfort and familiarity with.

And you'd never find me in the phone book, anyway. Mostly because I'm not listed, but also because most people here don't know my full name. :)

[/COLOR]

I also would offer an established Cellarite crash space for a short period of time. As long as you don't mind the floor (no extra bed and I do NOT share mine) and a semi-friendly pit bull terrier sleeping on your leg. He's so cute when he does the head-on-knee thing ;)

I tend to be lonely up here in the boondocks and could use some company. That said, I also cannot afford to be feeding freeloaders for very long. I might offer a lift to another place or the local assistance office (assuming I can find it) if needed.

Dagney may have a different opinion, but she doesn't live here (yet).

Brian

undertoad's post confused me...did he actually come knocking on your door, UT?

No, that's what I would say if he did.

I'd be very leery. If I could afford it, I'd put you up in a hotel. I reciently had a bad experience with getting used by a group of people on another message board. I'm not a 100% beliver in online communites at this stage.

I will trust again but that will take some time.

Blu...are you trying to sound us all out because you need crash space and are just trying to figure out whose door to show up at when?

The things I think of....

heinlein is (unfortunately) a dream. paranoia rules.

Even you Jag.

If I ever fall that far from grace it'll be the least of my worries.

I would lend assistance as possible, as needed, but feel sure I'd draw the line at opening my home. Now, are there any Cellarites in Italy interested in renting out some space?

Originally posted by AnonyMsB
heinlein is (unfortunately) a dream. paranoia rules.

What? Whazzat?:confused:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
What? Whazzat?:confused:

It's a referrence to Heinlein's book Starship Troopers.

Ignore the movie, it's just another Voerhoven (sp) bomb.

In ST you had to sign up for civil service to be considered a full citizen and be able to vote and such. It was a short book and didn't go into too much detail. Civil service included police, military, gov't service and so on.

If I can find it, there is a website for a group who would like to see similar standards in place. I'll get back with it if I can find it.

Originally posted by Troubleshooter
Ignore the movie, it's just another Voerhoven (sp) bomb.

There's always the shower scene.

Originally posted by SteveDallas

There's always the shower scene.

That's true, Dinah Myer is hot, even if she does have fried egg boobs.

Actually, if you watch the movie as if it were a propaganda film made by the government in the universe portrayed, it is actually pretty creepy.

I'd ask you point blank if you were running from the law. If so, I'd ask why. If I liked the reason, I'd look left, look right, let you in and tell you how to get far from here in short order. If I didn't like the reason or if I smelled a rat (i.e., you "accidentally in self-defense" killed someone), I would send you packing and probably contact the authorities.

If it turned out that you weren't running from the law, I'd be pretty helpful but, honestly, with a family, I wouldn't let you stay at my house but would help you get decent food and decent shelter (i.e., not the homeless shelter).

And I would ask you not to bleed on my carpet :)

Originally posted by Troubleshooter


That's true, Dinah Myer is hot, even if she does have fried egg boobs.

[COLOR=indigo]Do I wanna know what Fried Egg Boobs are?[/COLOR]

Originally posted by OnyxCougar

[COLOR=indigo]Do I wanna know what Fried Egg Boobs are?[/COLOR]

They have the same vertical profile. :)

I'd have to really think about that.



I don't think I'd let you stay at the house, but I would probably help you make other arrangments, i.e. pay for a night at a hotel, etc.

It's funny, but I'd feel much more comfortable helping out with cash than opening up my home to someone I don't know. Mainly because I'd have to spend 3 hours explaining to you how the wife's antique collections are arranged, why they are not to be touched, and which pillows are for using and which ones are for decoration.

-s[captiveinhisownhome]m

I first heard this joke from a little old man at a jewelry store where I worked (a long time ago -- when I was young). The guy was older than Moses. Reminded me of the really old guy in the Tim Conway routine -- even had the shuffle.

----

A man goes into the lingerie department and the lady behind the counter asks if she can be of assistance. The man says yes, he'd like to buy his wife a pretty bra for their anniversary, but is not sure of her bra size.

So the women tries to ask him questions to figure it out.

"Are her breasts as big as cantaloupes?"

"No", says the man. "They're smaller than that."

"Are her breasts as big as grapefruit?"

"No", says the man. "They're smaller than that."

"Are they as big as oranges?"

"No", says the man. "They're smaller than that."

"Well, are they as big as eggs?"

The man's face lights up. "Yes", he says. "Fried."

Originally posted by Undertoad
"OK, listen; from time to time somebody goes nuts and makes more of me that they're supposed to, because I appear to run the place. Nothing pisses me off worse. I don't know why you picked me but I gotta assume that's why. And I gotta admit, I think that's very fucked up.

"On the other hand, sure maybe you didn't have anywhere else to go. OK, here's what we'll do. Tonight, you can stay at the Hampden Inn on me. Tomorrow, you come back here, I'll make you some eggs and we can start a thread on this. I'm pretty sure if you really need help, we can figure this out."

:thumb: I like!

Let's put it this way: for someone that I know (family, close friends), I wouldn't have that big of a problem in trying to work something out (and hope to God that they won't fuck me over in the long run).

For someone that I didn't know, I'd have to take precaution. If I don't know you from a hole in the ground (regardless of being on The Cellar), then we may have a problem (at least on my end...Syc may feel different).

And that's my honest answer.

So if i just said "fuck it" and brought that $1499 ticket to new york and brought some old car once i got there and drove round to visit you all at leats i know now i have your support. so watch out.

Ive always had an affection for the ol US of A anyway. i never fell into the predictable "europe" trap that every other aussie fell into.

ive broken up with my partner. ive nothing else to dag around here for - fuck it - im coming to stay at your place (only for a couple a days...)

Im thinking it should take me about 3-4 months to save up to get there. i wanna see it all - i dont care if im sleeping in the back of a car. i wanna see mostly - new york, nashville, texas, kentucky, alabama, go to disneyland, grand canyon, hollywood and do an audition, i wanna go to california and lay on the sand, all the best nightclubbs, down the bottom there near jamaica, all of it!

I double dog dare you to set foot in my neighborhood. :borg:

i can handle it!! watch me!!


oh and i wanna see a meatloaf concert while im there too. he neva comes to Aus anymore.

So you're all like "who are you, what do you want?", and I'm all like "It's me, blue58...you know, from the cellar".

Probably you'ld be shot at the doorstep for tresspassing.

Sun_Sparkz;314887 wrote:

... i wanna see mostly - new york, nashville, texas, kentucky, alabama, go to disneyland, grand canyon, hollywood and do an audition, i wanna go to california and lay on the sand, all the best nightclubbs, down the bottom there near jamaica, all of it!

The best beaches are on the east coast. Nashille, Texas, Kentucky, Alabama are in the "fly over states". They're called that for a reason - just fly over them. :D Don't miss Philadelphia (where a lot of Cellarites are), Washington, DC, Chicago.

do it, S_S.

I'm getting in gear to do it on a bike, and camp my way across the U.S.A.

yeah, you'll be single for about 2 weeks. then all this will go right out the window. but, just is case you do make it out here, be sure to visit the philly area. we'll leave a light on for you.

I'd be wanting to know just how bad the trouble is that you're in, to travel all the way to my place.

I'd give you a nice hot meal (I may be a student but I'm a pretty damn good cook), but I wouldn't let you stay the night. I don't know you IRL, and even though I'm hospitable I do want to know what kind of person I'm allowing to be present during my most vulnerable state.

Mixie;315003 wrote:

I'm allowing to be present during my most vulnerable state.

You mean you fart in your sleep? :p ;)

I couldn't help anyone out of the blue. My life skills aren't robust enough at present to deal with unexpected guests. But with 24-48 hour notice I'd take anyone in overnight.

If it was someone I had had PM contact with, or felt an affinity with, then I would do all I could even if it disaccommodated me personally. A random poster who I rarely engaged with would get the best I could offer for a night - hot meal, use of facilities etc.

I don't have much but I'm willing to share (most) of it. And I used to be good in a crisis at least.

My friends used to joke that I'd be the person they went to if they killed someone, because I'd be all about practical solutions (a la Shallow Grave) rather than fainting away in horror. I don't know that I liked being identified as so amoral, but at least I'm good for something.

Great. Now, if I'm stranded in Britain, I'm going to have to sleep in the tube station for two nights until Sundae Girl tidys up enough to allow me in.

There goes that plan for abandoning all responsibility and living the poet's life.

Els, you could come and stay with me (if you can swim)!

No prob SG , we have a spare bed room ( If you can put up with all the Barbie dolls that is )

Oh and that crack about the "Fly over states " ,
you can just BITE ME ,
there is some Beautiful scenery and good folks here in the back woods !

It would be the truly American experience to visit many dwellars. The vast country would be part of the story, as opposed to Times Square and monuments and museums.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but in order to get the full American experience, you should drive an SUV to the big box store lot, cook a massive size piece of awesome Costco beef on the gas grill, go see a game at the stadium, drink that night at the Dave and Buster's until you can't play the games any longer.

Then the next day, head out to Zippy's for a drift on the creek. Don't swim out to where they swing off the rope into the water. The little one hain't got enough sense yet to avoid jumping on top of you.

I'd probably let any of you stay if you showed up at my door. Even LJ. :) My reason would be that if I trusted you enough to actually give you my address, then if you turn out to be an axe murderer it was unavoidable anyway.

zippyt;315139 wrote:

...Oh and that crack about the "Fly over states " ,
you can just BITE ME ,
there is some Beautiful scenery and good folks here in the back woods !

You can see the scenery from the plane. :stickpoke :devil: :bolt:

Aliantha;315156 wrote:

I'd probably let any of you stay if you showed up at my door. [COLOR=red]Even[/COLOR] LJ. :)

You spelled 'especially' wrong.





[SIZE=1]You want me, admit it.[/SIZE]

lol...sorry LJ. You're really not my type.

oh darn

I can just imagine you're shattered

devastated

I bet you'll get over it though

To answer the initial question, No.

You can see the scenery from the plane

Yes you can , but you can't taste the sweet tea , or smell the catfish and hush puppys frying or tast the fried fruit pies , etc,,,,,,,

Every region has their Own special flavor !!!
Oh and we all argue that OURS is the best !!

Lucy;315198 wrote:

To answer the initial question, No.

Aw why not!!! I'm good people.

She doesn't know us all well enough yet. When I'd only had 71 posts I would have said the same thing.

I would host any of our Brit or Aus folk.

Don't you think we'd drive you crazy with our liberal views? lol

I'm familiar with the liberal species. Raised by one actually.

I should say Eur as well, except for one particular one.

Hmmm...we're another species huh?

I'm new here, and I don't know any of you well enough to let you in the door, and you don't know me well enough to even try to find me.

That being said, if you actually looked me up in the phone book (I'm not in it) and found my house- good luck! (pizza won't deliver, and UPS, and FedEx call me for directions), I'd probably send my dog out with some cash tied to her collar. If you managed to get the cash off of her before she bit you, then I suppose you'd have a night in a hotel on me. If you made friends with her, I'd let you sleep in the pop-up camper out back.

my husband is overseas, but my neighbor would just as soon shoot you as look at you, and he keeps an eye on me and my kids.

Well missaminus, you're safe here with us. :D

xoxoxoBruce;315238 wrote:

Well missaminus, you're safe here with us. :D

Thanks, I think :worried: I'll have to stick around a while and see...when is one considered properly initiated into the Cellar? When one views the WTF NSFW thread? done! (and may I add- eeeeeewww!)

Undertoad;315147 wrote:

It would be the truly American experience to visit many dwellars. The vast country would be part of the story, as opposed to Times Square and monuments and museums.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, but in order to get the full American experience, you should drive an SUV to the big box store lot, cook a massive size piece of awesome Costco beef on the gas grill, go see a game at the stadium, drink that night at the Dave and Buster's until you can't play the games any longer.

Then the next day, head out to Zippy's for a drift on the creek. Don't swim out to where they swing off the rope into the water. The little one hain't got enough sense yet to avoid jumping on top of you.

I have done this -sorta- with Britnetters. We load up the big red minivan and drive off somewhere new, taking detours to visit our online friends. We been all over New England, to Virginia, Florida, Ohio, we had a near miss in Nebraska, looking at Texas nest year for an anniversary party, and this year we've planning to visit anyone en route to the grand canyon. It's a good thing. We've camped in backyards, stayed in spare rooms and even in someone's old apartment in NYC as they were just in the process of moving house. People can be so friendly and show you things you might miss if you only passed through as a tourist.

Yeah, I'd let any of you stay.

I even invite you to come visit :) tis easy to get here.

Undertoad;315204 wrote:

I would host any of our Brit or Aus folk.

Racist....

Hippikos;315362 wrote:

Racist....

*pokes* I believe he later includes Europs as well. And since I get the feeling you're from my neck of the woods, that should include you, no? :D

Unless you're that 'one particular one'... ghe.

I'd have all the Dutch and Liechtensteiners.

xoxoxoBruce;315238 wrote:

Well missaminus, you're safe here with us. :D

You're safe with him. I'm a bastard.

Mixie;315380 wrote:

Unless you're that 'one particular one'... ghe.

Wat bedoel je hiermee te insinueren? ;)

Is dit een truc vraag?

Dat vroeg ik mij dus ook af...

penis

zippyt;315139 wrote:

( If you can put up with all the Barbie dolls that is )

Thought you'd just slide that one by us, eh?:p

My wife has a few dolls she has been colecting ,

I being the dutiful husband that I am put up some shelfs for her , she stained them her self , and the collection is ever expanding

Hippikos;315395 wrote:

Wat bedoel je hiermee te insinueren? ;)

Ha! I knew it! Man, I'm good. :cool:

grant;315493 wrote:

penis

Thought you'd just slide that one by us, eh?

thanks LJ - you and Jinx (and your cool cars and kayaks) and lovely family are defo on my list.
no ill be single for a while me thinks- dating sux!!

end of the year ill be there - ive never seen snow so im hoping for a white christmas.

who wants me for chrissy dinner? i can make punch?

Undertoad;315384 wrote:

I'd have all the Dutch and Liechtensteiners.

What about the lepars?

Sun_Sparkz;324293 wrote:

end of the year ill be there - ive never seen snow so im hoping for a white christmas.

The Zambian guy who was our linguistic consultant for my field methods class was so afraid of snow that the first time he saw snow he wouldn't go outside in it. He wore a heavy winter coat when it was colder than 60F, too.

im not that fussed. i cant wait to feel what it feels like. spiky or just like mush?

spiky or just like mush?

yes, and like corn meal , or powderd sugar , or ,,,,,,,

Sun_Sparkz;324500 wrote:

im not that fussed. i cant wait to feel what it feels like. spiky or just like mush?

Depends on which of the 24 Eskimo words can be used to describe it.

hhee. well i HAVE a freezer, so i've seen ice. I want to see those wicked little crystal flakes that are all individual and look like a kalideskope. ooooh

You'll need a microscope to see that. :cool:

BrianR;89171 wrote:

Blu...are you trying to sound us all out because you need crash space and are just trying to figure out whose door to show up at when?

maybe...I like to have options.

slang;89065 wrote:

If a cellar member was in serious need for a place to crash for a few days, there wouldnt be a problem.

If the cellar member wouldnt object to having my Glock pointed at their head until they logged in to prove their identity, they could crash in my second bedroom. For a few days.

Oh man, I'd be so dead, I don't even know my cellar password anymore since I'm always logged in. And even when I tried to join the cellar it took me 4 months to get the OK from UT, so I'd be cold and rotten by the time the "forgot password" e-mail arrived.

You replied to this thread, so you can hang at my place. I seriously want to form this network, soon I'll have room for 172-200 cellarlites, but you gotta show up on time.

I'll be fifteen minutes late.

I wanna make an entrance.

S'long as you don't mind the couch, and waking up with your hand in a pot of warm water...* go for it. You'll be a little cramped, though!

(* Hey, I know I just turned 23, but... I'm still allowed to prank people, aren't I?)

These days my reply is the same, in that I'd need notice.
Because this is not my house and I'd need to talk the 'rents round.
Or if not, my bro.
I'd do what I could for you though.

Oh, and you have to be a cat lover.

I still harbour a dream - a smidge more likely now - that I will be able to visit our Merkin Dwellars. Just you wait. One of these days I'll be in the sort of paid employment that gives me a six week break... Roadtrip?!
In my ideal world of course you'd come visit the UK first, and I'd accompany you as an unpaid guide. Then you're beholden to me. Mwa-ha-haaaaa! And you'll feel obliged to trek me all over the unseen parts of the country, doing mundane things like visitiing Walmart, having a blue-plate special, eating a cheesesteak/ funnel cake/ authentic American pizza (delete as appropriate) taking me bowling etc. And Bri and Shawnee have to take me to Cedar Point. Okay the last is a little greedy. I'll save that for when I win the lottery.

I have similar dreams. Me there being shown the sights, and you here hanging out with us at theme parks and county fairs and all kinds of uniquely Ohio places. :)

People could stay at my place, but you probably wouldn't want to. Not much room (as in couch, but I'd give up my bed and take the couch) and an old cat who is sweet and healthy but I think is about half senile. :(

The next time I'm in your city for an overnighter, you can come visit me in my boxcar. Bring your half senile cat ... and some seasoning. I'll make you a meal that'll convince you every cloud has a silver lining. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

RSVP

It depends on the dweller. ;-)

Now if Ibby showed up at my door, I'd let him stay as long as he wants. But I'd also warn him about my nasty habit of sleep fucking.

:D

Cancels plans to visit AZ.....

Puts plans to visit AZ via VT to the top of the list (note to self - be sure and take camcorder)

Sundae Girl;674454 wrote:

Puts plans to visit AZ via VT to the top of the list (note to self - be sure and take cucumber)

Fixed it for ya. Just in case. :-)