love em or hate em?
This occured to me as I read that other thread over there ---->
And Shelb and I had just been talking about the flip side on our way to our little Valley Forge photo shoot/starbucks run. I always assume that people like me. She said she's more likely to think they don't like her. Is this an optimism/pessimism thing?
Dude, I had to go with with "wishy washy." Mostly because the closest emotion (or lack there of) I feel would be described as complete indifference. Until I have a reason to have an opinion on someone, either way, I simply don't.
I know it's going to sound silly.. but I'm a big believer in personal energy. It's a little like auras or chakras, but without all the ancient asian mumbo-jumbo to get in the way.
I think that different people have a different "intonation" to the natural vibe they give off. When you meet someone in tune with you, then you get a good feeling from them. And vice versa. Some people have a more compatible "tone", so more people start out liking them. And again, vice versa.
It's all in the mojo, baby!! ;)
I almost always start out thinking that I'll like somebody and get along with them...from there it's a slow but steady realization that I hate the bastard and nothing would please me as much as to rend the flesh from his bones with my bare hands...
This topic is fascinating to me.
I am pretty introverted, and when meeting new people, all I can think about is how much they must not like me. I can't think about whether or not I like them. In order to get past this, I have to work hard to be optimistic about the situation.
If Jinx is the same way it probably helped the two of you to link up, if you gave off a signal to her that you liked her it would have put her at ease. And then she would have liked you.
yeah, that and my smokin' hot bod'.
:vomit:
I start out with a positive view, and adjust for reality.
Some adjustments come faster than others.
My entire job is pretty much about meeting and sizing up new people as quickly as possible ... so what may take most people a half hour or so, I might get in a matter of minutes.
I would say wishy washy as well, but I've also noticed something strange. Whenever I'm with my 2-year-old son and we meet someone new (even, say, the cashier at the grocery store), He and I both feel the same way about them. If we don't like them, while I quietly think to myself "I don't really like them" he will hide behind me, get real quiet, and cry if they come to close. If we like them, I will quietly think that while he talks and laughs, etc.
I'm not really one to believe in auras or whatever, but I have never seen him differ with me. It could be argued that he picks something up from me (body language), and takes that queue. But in several instances I have met people after he has, and I have instantly disliked them as well. That may be because I know he doesn't like them, and the protective father in me comes out and I react in kind.
Not very scientific, I know. I think I'm going to start observing this a bit more closely, and try to be objective about it.
Just thought of one exception. His doctor. I like her a lot, but he hates her. I imagine there's other factors here though. Like, you know, needles and stuff.
kids, like dogs, can sense evil............
I'm in the wishy washy genre, also. I tend to judge based on the way they look at people around them - if they're scared and shivering and act as if we all just tried to run over them, then I just assume that their definitely unconfident.
But then again, if they walk in as if they own the place, and disrupt order throughout, then I might not be so keen to like them.
So I'm sort of in the middle. If they aren't dying of paranoia when they walk in where ever it is they're walking to, and they don't try to rule us, then I'm more prone to approach them.
...does this make any sort of sense?
Originally posted by lumberjim
kids, like dogs, can sense evil............
No no no.... HORSES can sense evil. Dogs can sense FEAR. Rabid ones, anyway. Dogs can also sense food. Don't you even
watch movies?
I usually like people when I first meet them, until/unless they give me reason to do otherwise. I'm a get-along-with-almost-everybody kind of guy. But I'm not really an optimist, so I don't think that's the cause. I'm not a pessimist either, more of a hope-for-the-best-plan-for-the-worst realist. I just find it more socially comfortable to be friendly with people from the get-go, and that's usually reciprocated.
Of course I do tend to instantly dislike anyone who wants to sell me something which I didn't specifically approach them about. Pushy salespeople will peg my loathe-o-meter at full pretty rapidly.
Originally posted by Undertoad
........ all I can think about is how much they must not like me.
I know this is off topic but you've said something like this before and it makes no sense to me.
Both in real life and on the cellar, you seem pretty reserved and are normally quite polite and respectful......even to those of us that are not.
People may not instantly click with you but I cant say that any reasonable humanoid would really *dislike* you when they first meet you.
If you were loud and obnoxious or.....I dont know....wore a hat that read "go fuck yourself"* or something offputting one would expect to have people in general not like you. Or at least not be too interested in getting to know you.
The whole notion seems strange to me.
*- I do not have a hat that reads "go fuck yourself". This was just a silly example.
Originally posted by FileNotFound
.......I hate the bastard and nothing would please me as much as to rend the flesh from his bones with my bare hands...
Now that I can relate to.
I used to expect to like people. It was sort of an up-front trust extension thing for me. Now, after several recent events and experiences, I'm not so sure I want to be so open and trusting anymore. I've had it shoved back in my face or betrayed too many times over the past year or so, and it leaves me feeling stupid, like I'm not insightful enough to take care of myself.
Some people are just *assholes*, you know? Oozing, suffering *assholes*. I hate that.
What you see with me is a careful treading about the social setting so that I don't step on any land mines. It's forced.
If I have a role, or have to be on stage, I kick ass. I've emceed several events where I spoke in front of hundreds of people, with just a few notes, and totally blew them away. But when I sat down at the table to eat dinner afterwards... nothing, I was spent and couldn't manage simple conversation.
I'm much better than I used to be though, and these days I can generally get on with anyone slightly less introverted than myself.
In previous jobs I was put into positions where I had to instantly get on with many others and take control of situations and stuff, and I folded like a house of cards, it was so painful.
Originally posted by Elspode
Some people are just *assholes*, you know? Oozing, suffering *assholes*. I hate that.
So just do what the rest of us do. Put their names on a list and check it often to see if you can somehow in your travels through this life fuck them back for being an asshole to you.
Yeah, like I'm the *only* one here that does that. :D
UT, what makes you think people won't like you? Is it because YOU don't like you, and therefore assume that others must come to the same logical conclusion?
We can fix this, you know.
Yeah, I hear you UT. I'm very similar in the anxiousness I feel when I first meet someone. I'm a lot better now than I used to be, but I still think back on all the times where I'd see someone I'd like to talk to... and I had plenty of confidence to walk up and say whatever came to mind... but in the back of my head this little voice chimed in, "Why bother? Why do you think they'd want to talk to you?", and I'd walk on.
I was so worried with how other people perceived *me* that I never stopped to think about how I felt about the person I was meeting. :(
I used to be pretty hung up like that when i was in high school. i was fat. i lost all of the weight in my senior year, which helped, but i still cared way too much about how i was perceived by strangers. when i started going to grateful dead concerts and dressing like a freak, it faded away. i guess i confronted my fears. funny what a little acid can do for your perspective. Even when i got fat again, iwasn;t really worried about what people thought of me ( except when i'm working out in my yard, and have to bend over...plumber's crack, ya know) Now, I often have to stop and check with jinx to see if i look like a loser before i go out on an errand.
I dont usually know wether I will like someone or not when I first meet them, but I start off being nicer then I normally am (offering cigs, telling jokes, laughing at stupid jokes). Usually, I bekin to either like or loathe someone within the first hour. Last person i really 'met' was my good friends new boyfriend. Took me about 5 minutes to find out he was as dumb as a post (my friend agreed, but said at least he's good for one thing *wink-wink*).
So yes, I will act like I like you at first, but that will quickly fade if youre a douchebag.
Im not that concerned if people like me i guess. I tend to distance myself from people I meet.
I try to be nice to everyone i meet, but i really get anxious when i have to meet a lot of new people at once. Or if i meet someone and they have a really stand-offish bitchy aura about them, then i get a little burred up and start being a bitch for no reason. I agree with Riddil, you meet - the chemicals in your brain start reacting - and you cant help how you feel about anyone, you like em or not but its not up to you. thats life.
I try to treat folks i am meeting for the forst time the way i like to be treated , with curtisy and respect . I was tought to great floks with a firm hand shake , a smile , and a kind word . I do this ALWAYS , funny how some folks react . Most Maintance folks greet me the same way, we generly get along well ( though some feel like i am intrudeing in to their teratory) . Some manegment folks greet me the same way , some that arn't used to dealing with Folks shake weak handed , these guys i will generly have a problem with , they are administrators ONLY and weak leaders , the firm hand shake managers are generly used to dealing with Folks and we will get along fine . The production folks i deal with run the gambit from Biker ass meth heads who would just as soon rip your head off as work with you to solve a problem , to over eager suit and tie folks that generly don't have a clue what they are doing on the production floor . Engeneers are a whole different breed that most of the time defi discription , some times they RUN the whole show , some time they are in the back ground pulling political strings , then you run up on the good experenced folks that HAVE a clue , manegment, maintence , and production Know they know what they are doing and give them free rane . These are the guys I like to work with . You can't baffle them with the bull shit ( don't even try ) but they are open to radical ideas .
Anyone have this situation when meeting people?
When I start a new job or meet a new group of people for the first time there are certain people that I just click with. Maybe we have some common interests or similar work experience....something that draws us together for conversation.
On the other extreme, there are people that just make me want to kick their asses for no rational reason. Maybe they interrupt me or say something I feel was rude, but something turns me off about them. This doesnt mean there was something specific, many times its more like a "lack of clicking" in the first couple of times we talk.
After some time though, I find the 2 groups flip 180 degrees and the people I found interesting are no longer and those that werent gradually are.
That's got to be a common experience but the degree in which the opposite groups flip seems strange after looking back from, say, a year later.
Some people proudly proclaim that people have to "earn their respect".
I give everyone my full respect from the moment I encounter them, and then slowly take it away whenever they mess up. You may think this is crazy, but people LOVE being treated this way. They seem to crave it. People will always be cool to you if you respect them. Trust me, this is a winning strategy for dealing with people.
Being as I can experience a multitude of emotions in a single day, and during just one of these I may meet someone for the first time, the impression I leave is not necessarily indicative of my overall demeanour or willingness to strike up a new friendship.
It just means I was probably preoccupied and, if the other party didn't try hard enough to seduce my attention, ( or vice versa) we'd part ways unaffected by the experience.
Occasionally I run into those who feel their emotional state at the time is a license to behave in an ignorant manner. Deliberate rudeness, snobbery, elitism etc is, IMHO, inexcuseable.
I've certainly been guilty of it and deserved everything I got.
Anyways, I believe if I want to kick things off on the right foot, it's down to me to show my hand first.
Armed with knowledge of all my own irrational fears it's almost easy to argue that it would be illogical to NOT like me if I put in a bit of effort.
Slang said On the other extreme, there are people that just make me want to kick their asses for no rational reason.
Dude that is called Karma , as a cop once told me your first impresion is generly correct .
I get along with most ever body , BUT i have run up on a few , a verry few folks that i wanted to stomp when i first met them. After about 10 minets of talking to them or being around them i figuer out just why they deserve to be STOMPED . I have to restrain my self from hurting them , but generly they fall on their faces by them selfs , or show them selfs to be TOTAL asses .
Undertoad, are you intentionally ignoring me?
Originally posted by lumberjim
shhh! don;t answer him!
Please be more careful, dar512 is hanging around... Did you notice that the grammar nazi doesn't capitalize the first letter in his name?
Originally posted by Griff
Please be more careful, dar512 is hanging around... Did you notice that the grammar nazi doesn't capitalize the first letter in his name?
oh...i assumed that dar was a woman......i pictured a schoolteacher type with the strings on her specs and the turtle neck sweater........'bout 55yrs old......ya know.......Mrs Crabapple.
cartoon to come .....idea taking shape.......must... get....... to...... photoshop......
dar studied to be an English teacher so its either woman, fag, or commie... you choose.
Yes, I decided that while I'm all too happy to detail my personality defects down to the last decimal point, in public, perhaps that isn't the wisest thing to do in a post-Dave era.
Why the hell not?
It is beyond me how you could percieve potential hurt feelings out of a post solely designed to make you feel better about yourself.
Obviously you don't care for my opinion in this matter, which seriously pisses me off.
Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I lashed out. It's been a hard day. I'm sorry.
See? I don't even have to really say anything serious to be considered inappropriate. All I have to do is pipe up, pipe back down, and someone out of nowhere will decide I'm being an ass and give me a smackdown. Serves me right for piping up in the first place, how many times do I have to learn this lesson?
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY JUJU
look what ya did now, ya little creep.
grumble grumble manhood called into question gripe grumble
All right, just so there's no doubt - this pic is old, but it's the only thing I've got handy at the moment.
This was taken near our home in Issaquah when we lived there ~ 10 years ago. That's Gina, my eldest daughter and Ginger.
Testosterone levels check out, you're cleared of wild accusations.
My brother has a degree in English, I'm smeared you by force of habit, my apologies. :)
Originally posted by Undertoad
See? I don't even have to really say anything serious to be considered inappropriate. All I have to do is pipe up, pipe back down, and someone out of nowhere will decide I'm being an ass and give me a smackdown. Serves me right for piping up in the first place, how many times do I have to learn this lesson?
I seriously was thinking that myself or some others on here would really, seriously be able to help you if you would just open up a little. These are solvable problems that many of us have already gone through. But when I offer my help, you tell me that instead I will just flame you and attempt to hurt your feelings.
How can you say that about me? I am a nice guy. I am not like that. I resent the implication that I am out to get you when I really was only trying to help. You are passively-agressively preemtively calling me an asshole who is out to get you. What the fuck?
For the record, nothing you could say would ever reduce my extremely high opinion of you.
Well, you're not the only one reading, are ya now?
But I heartily appreciate the offer. Of course, in order for the patient to actually improve, he has to truly WANT to change.
juj, arent you like 22 or something? and toad's gotta be late 30's? you've got so much life experience that you've been through more than he has? please. who says it's a problem anyhow?
toad is one of the more even keeled and well adjusted mofos on this board. what the fuck did you eat for breakfast, a speedball? calm down. go burp the baby.
Naw, I'm 28. But I don't think that necessarily makes a difference. A problem can be solved at, say, 22 in one person, and then be solved in 32 in another. People have different experiences.
yeah, ok, i agree, there are some 28 year olds who MAY have more life experience than some 38 year olds, but i dont think that applies right now. and if you'll think about it a little, when toad has needed and wanted advice, he's asked for it....."emotiional distance thread" just because he didnt spill his heart in response to your seemingly casual and "just being polite" offer of assistance doesn't mean he he thinks your an asshole. i'm not saying he DOESN'T think you're an asshole, but, he didnt snap at you or anything.......so i ask again? speedball? no sleep? hair accross your ass? what gives?
I don't even know how old I am anymore. I guess I won't be 28 until the end of this month!
He isn't well-adjusted -- he's admitted to having social anxiety disorder. We can drop it, though. I was just covering my ass. :)
Originally posted by juju
I don't even know how old I am anymore. I guess I won't be 28 until the end of this month!
He isn't well-adjusted -- he's admitted to having social anxiety disorder. We can drop it, though. I was just covering my ass. :)
yeah, you should let it drop.
now you've diagnosed him with a disorder? calling dr juju calling dr juju......time for your pills.....
whew.
Originally posted by lumberjim
just because he didnt spill his heart in response to your seemingly casual and "just being polite" offer of assistance doesn't mean he he thinks your an asshole. i'm not saying he DOESN'T think you're an asshole, but, he didnt snap at you or anything.......so i ask again? speedball? no sleep? hair accross your ass? what gives?
It is a bit arrogant of me. I've got to get over that. The other thing is, the attitude of not wanting to improve oneself really offends me. It's just my personal quirk. I'll get over myself. :)
But I am now 3 minutes late for work, so I must leave. See you all tommorrow!
I'm pretty sure he's the one that said he had the condition. It was a while back, though.
6 minutes late now....you'd better hurry
yeah...i think it's safe to talk.......
...unless he has access at work?....
oh yeah, no computers at mcdonalds. my bad
[SIZE=1]just kidding juju, i know it's wendy's[/SIZE]
He couldn't get work at a major chain restaurant, where early employment leads to bigger and better things (remember the Mickey D's "first job" ads?).
He's at a community based pizza shop, IIRC.
So we can't taunt him by singing "Ding, fries are done!"
Well, I guess we could, but the opportunity isn't quite as ripe if he had been working somewhere with a polyester shirt, hat, and nametag.
K. I think I was briefly s.a.d., beyond simple shyness, but my bigger problem in life has been panic disorder. However, all of this is mostly historical now, because I take 15 mg of Paxil each day.
Typically, one doesn't admit to such a thing on a public message board. But what the hey. I'll never run for office, right? And if I did, nobody would take all this out of context, right?
The dosage is considered "sub-therapeutic" and the cool thing is, I don't have any side-effects, except that I am usually unable to feel hunger whatsoever. I don't think it has affected my personality in any other way. I still have a complete emotional range.
I feel that my mental health is really improving these days. It turns out that this happens when you leave an unloving marriage. I get the same amount of praise as I got before, the same amount of laughter at my stupid lines, and more affection from my dogs.
Originally posted by Undertoad
I feel that my mental health is really improving these days.
After things went south with your other relationship you started hangin with us more. And lo, you improve! See! Hang out with us clowns, buffoons and misfits and you're all better (by comparison, at least)
:D
Originally posted by slang
I know this is off topic but you've said something like this before and it makes no sense to me.
Both in real life and on the cellar, you seem pretty reserved and are normally quite polite and respectful......even to those of us that are not.
People may not instantly click with you but I cant say that any reasonable humanoid would really *dislike* you when they first meet you.
If you were loud and obnoxious or.....I dont know....wore a hat that read "go fuck yourself"* or something offputting one would expect to have people in general not like you. Or at least not be too interested in getting to know you.
The whole notion seems strange to me.
I share your confusion, Slang. Tony is one of the most difficult people to dislike, I've ever met. :thumb:
[COLOR=indigo]Hell, I never met him and I like him. (Not as much as Bruce, tho.)[/COLOR]
Hm. Interesting. All these diagnoses flying around, and talk of how "not wanting to improve" oneself pisses some off. Well, it would seem that if an individual were happy with themselves, and their situation, then any ideas for improvement should be something THEY decide, not someone else. Merely because YOU (you, in the general sense) think that there is room for improvement in their lives, or don't think they're living up to their potential, doesn't make it so, and doesn't mean squat.
No one knows, really, what's going on beneath the surface in the lives of others, and thus have no right to say that someone could be doing better. UT could've been agoraphobic at one time, hiding under his bed, refusing to come out even for ice cream with gummi bears on top, and now he's up to just feeling a bit self-conscious now and then (course, I don't know, I'm just making this up as an example :D ).
Looks like he's doing A-OK to me. He seems to be a pretty groovy guy, at any rate. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Hm. Interesting. All these diagnoses flying around, and talk of how "not wanting to improve" oneself pisses some off.
I think that stems from liking someone and wanting to help. If you don't like them then you just write them off as an asshole and walk away. The fly in the ointment is none of us are qualified to help, except maybe Wolf.:cool:
My point was only that if UT, or anyone else, for that matter, is unsatisfied with how their lives are going, they'll say, "YO! Fix me!" Otherwise, if someone's satisfied with how things are going at the time, you should be happy for 'em.
Too often I run across people who presume to make judgements on the lives of others, saying that they're not living up to their potential, or that they're wasting their lives, or that they need to do this or that, merely because the individual they're speaking of is not where the speaker thinks they ought to be. It may come out of concern for said person, or it may come out of a desire to feel superior on the part of the person making the observation. Either way, it usually ends up with the accused slacker getting pissed off and/or defensive.
If people think that there are things in their lives that need fixing, they'll either ask for help, or fix it on their own (if it bothers them that much). If it doesn't bug them, then no amount of advice or therapy will make them change.
Don't get me wrong. When it comes to things that affect other people adversely, like schizophrenia or other organic brain problems, sometimes it's necessary to take a hand. But if it's just something like a social phobia, or working at Burger King when you have a college degree, it's really nobody's place to fix you unless you ask them to. And telling them about it isn't the same as asking for help.
undertoad, i can't believe you would think people don't like you. if you are the same in real life as you are here with your posts, anyone who doesn't like you is an idiot!
me? i just don't have any special urge to bond with people at all, and i guess they can sense it. i kind of want to be left alone, and i only like people that i know. i have my barriers that someone would have to get through for me to open up to them and be myself. i was much friendlier and open to people before i started waitressing, though!!
i'm different online. i like to talk to people online, i just don't like people in real life....but i bet i would like undertoad :beer:
Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
The fly in the ointment is none of us are qualified to help, except maybe Wolf.:cool:
Who is available in the event help is needed.
Actually I should qualify that ... I'm available in the sense that I will be able to facilitate any need for services. Professional ethics would require that any actual work involve one of my more than able coworkers ... but I'm here.
I'm also available just to hang out and shoot the shit.
Originally posted by wolf
Who is available in the event help is needed.
Actually I should qualify that ... I'm available in the sense that I will be able to facilitate any need for services. Professional ethics would require that any actual work involve one of my more than able coworkers ... but I'm here.
I'm also available just to hang out and shoot the shit.
And provide meds????:D
I'm also available just to hang out and shoot the shit.
Come now Wolf, certainly we can find a more practical and less crude target than that? Empty beverage cans perhaps?
Originally posted by Shattered Soul
My point was only that if UT, or anyone else, for that matter, is unsatisfied with how their lives are going, they'll say, "YO! Fix me!" Otherwise, if someone's satisfied with how things are going at the time, you should be happy for 'em.
I've always thought that when someone needs help, that they
will ask for it. I hate it when people try to be "helpful", and they are actually making the situation worse by trying to be helpful. That can get annoying sometimes.
Too often I run across people who presume to make judgements on the lives of others, saying that they're not living up to their potential, or that they're wasting their lives, or that they need to do this or that, merely because the individual they're speaking of is not where the speaker thinks they ought to be. It may come out of concern for said person, or it may come out of a desire to feel superior on the part of the person making the observation. Either way, it usually ends up with the accused slacker getting pissed off and/or defensive. .
That's
exactly what I was talking about in my last statement.
[/quote]If people think that there are things in their lives that need fixing, they'll either ask for help, or fix it on their own (if it bothers them that much). If it doesn't bug them, then no amount of advice or therapy will make them change.[/quote]
Precisely.
Don't get me wrong. When it comes to things that affect other people adversely, like schizophrenia or other organic brain problems, sometimes it's necessary to take a hand. But if it's just something like a social phobia, or working at Burger King when you have a college degree, it's really nobody's place to fix you unless you ask them to. And telling them about it isn't the same as asking for help.
Well said. Couldn't snip a word. :)
Originally posted by Undertoad
What you see with me is a careful treading about the social setting so that I don't step on any land mines. It's forced.
If I have a role, or have to be on stage, I kick ass. I've emceed several events where I spoke in front of hundreds of people, with just a few notes, and totally blew them away. But when I sat down at the table to eat dinner afterwards... nothing, I was spent and couldn't manage simple conversation.
This makes sense to me.
I'm pretty introverted myself, and would prefer to hide in the back and people-watch. I've learned to throw on a mental mask (for lack of a better way to put it) so that I can deal better in social situations, and it's gotten easier, but it's still pretty scary.
(I suffer from an anxiety disorder, as well. Which is better than it used to be, but it's still something that I struggle with.)
Oddly enough, I think that my part time jobs have also given me tools to help me deal with social situations. I work in haunted houses, and putting on a costume and role have helped me find a confidence I don't normally possess. Working at the museum have also helped, because the focus isn't on me - it's on the animals I'm working with.
I realize it's not the most common way to learn to deal. But when I was thrown into a role last October that had me not only ad-libbing in front of hundreds of people (in small groups, thank goodness), I was **terrified**..but I did it. Well, even.
/tangent mode off
Originally posted by juju
Some people proudly proclaim that people have to "earn their respect".
I give everyone my full respect from the moment I encounter them, and then slowly take it away whenever they mess up. You may think this is crazy, but people LOVE being treated this way. They seem to crave it. People will always be cool to you if you respect them. Trust me, this is a winning strategy for dealing with people.
I give people courtesy.
Respect has to be earned.
..Mostly because I've had way too many people demand that I respect them at first meeting, and be completely undeserving of the level of respect they're expecting.
Originally posted by FileNotFound
I almost always start out thinking that I'll like somebody and get along with them...from there it's a slow but steady realization that I hate the bastard and nothing would please me as much as to rend the flesh from his bones with my bare hands...
I start out realizing that they're human beings, they're all a part of our great world culture, and I hate them immediately.
they have to work hard to get past that.... earn my respect.
by the way, this is something i discovered working retail.