pick up lines
give us your best! one's you use, ones that have been used on you, ones you know never work, whatever. Or post your utter disgust for the whole concept of pick up lines.
here's one that doesn;t work:
you: hey, wanna go get a pizza and fuck?
her:~ evil look~
you: what? You don;t like Pizza?
here's one that did: ( for a friend)
you: Hi! wanna wrestle!?
"If I followed you home, would you keep me?"
I kind of think that wouldn't work on most girls, because of the whole stalker-ish feel to it.
Me: Do you work for UPS?
Her: No
Me: I only ask because I saw you checking out my package.
===============
I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed Rock.
This is a true story.
Geek-dating is different from normal-person dating.
As we know, in geek terms, even an uniflected "Hello" is capable of major schwingage.
So, this guy, who now has a PhD in Computer Science was attempting to attract my interest.
We were both, as geeks must be, huge fans of the movie, Real Genius.
The pickup line he used came direct from this fine film.
"You know, compared to you and me, most people have the IQ of a carrot."
It worked.
Real Genius...one of my all time faves.
"This is ice. This is what happens when water gets too cold."
Pickup lines from films = Ghostbusters. Janine the receptionist is trying to pick up Spengler, the nerdiest scientist:
Janine Melnitz: Do you have any hobbies?
Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.
Janine Melnitz: That's very fascinating. I like to read a lot myself.
Egon Spengler: Print is dead.
YOU: [english accent] 'scuse me , luv, do you drive?[/eng acc]
her : yes
you: [english accent] brilliant. could you give me a lift back to me castle?"[/english accent]
Didn't work:
Hey baby, wanna see my dragon? (have a tatoo)
Worked:
God I'm trashed....give me a ride home? (she didn't leave for like 2 days, we're married, that was almost 16 years ago)
Some of the classics...
"If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"
"Do you know what would look good on you? Me."
"You've got something on your ass... my eyes."
Of course I've never used any of these. Honest. You've got to believe me!
I always hated the pick-up line, it's a sham, and from moment one of your relationship with this new person (brief as it may be), you're putting on a false front. Once I figured some things out and got over being shy, I never had a problem talking to women again. Now I'm married to the woman of my dreams. Life is good.
"What's your name?" - this one I married.
TO PICK UP A GIRL IN THE LIBRARY OR BOOKSTORE:
"Excuse me, miss, do you know where I might find":....
1. the kama sutra?
2. "investing millions for dummies"?
3. a book about redecorating after divorce?
the next three hinge upon being able to pretend that you've just noticed her beauty as you begin the second portion of the quote: ( try wide eyed surprise)
4. .... (long pause as you look deep into her eyes) never mind, i think I found it. What's YOUR name?
5. .... (long pause as you look deep into her eyes) < gulp >"love at first sight"
6. .... (long pause as you look deep into her eyes) your phone number
"What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?"
"Baby, you must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day!"
"I seem to have lost my number...can I have yours?"
"Is there some room in those jeans for me?"
"Girl...I'd drink a tub of your bathwater!"
(guy faking a phone call on his cell phone)
"Hey...I think it's for you. It's destiny calling."
Another classic one: "What's your sign?"
Classic answer: "Stop sign." :D
Originally posted by ladysycamore
"Baby, you must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day!"[color=blue] i was waiting for this one[/color]
"I seem to have lost my number...can I have yours?"[color=blue] i like this one[/color]
"Is there some room in those jeans for me?"
"Girl...I'd drink a tub of your bathwater!"[color=blue] eeewww![/color]
(guy faking a phone call on his cell phone)
"Hey...I think it's for you. It's destiny calling."
Another classic one: "What's your sign?"
Classic answer: "Stop sign." [color=blue] or: feces/herpes[/color]:D
[COLOR=indigo]"Your pants are like a mirror: I can see myself in them."
"What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?"
One that worked on me: I was playing a game of pool solo at my normal haunt, which was empty on a wednesday night. Guy buys a beer and walks over to the table:
"You gonna play with yourself all night or you want some company?"
That was Bryan's father.
[/COLOR]
Last saturday at the club a guys friend tapped me on the shoulder and as i looked round i noticed the guy on the ground.. his friend says "hey , he just fell" guy on ground says "in love with you"
was so pathetic i didnt even give a response, when i passed later on they were doing the same thing to another girl. SAD
__________
i love my friend Rays method - walks up to a girl with a piece of ice in hand. puts ice on table. smashes ice.
"now that ive broken the ice can i buy you a drink?" -- so cute :)
____________
"No seats around? No problem...you'll always have a place to sit...on my face."
call other person over to you with the come here waving finger. once they have arrived:
"if i can make u come with one finger imagine what i can do with my whole hand!"
________________
"no places to sit? come sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up"
Originally posted by Sun_Sparkz
call other person over to you with the come here waving finger. once they have arrived:
"if i can make u come with one finger imagine what i can do with my whole hand!"
that's so dirty..........:thumb:
A girl once turned to me at a Denny's and asked "Is this seat wet, or is it just me?"
now THAT is dirty.......... well done sir!
him: did it hurt?
me: huh?
him: did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?
"If you lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"
Originally posted by SteveDallas
"If you lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?"
LOL! NO, REALLY, I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!
now every one here at work wants to know what's so goddamn funny. don;t be surprised if there are a bunch of new members that happen to sell cars.
Thank you... it wasn't original, but then I doubt most of these are! :cool:
Since most of these comeon lines are BS, why not go for the obvious?
"Hello. I am a multimillionaire with a ten inch penis, and I'm bored. Would you like to have a drink with me?"
Of course, it would be found to be spurious, but maybe not after a quickie in the parking lot of the bar...in her car...because your beater would be her first clue you were lying.
and if she figured it out from examining your watch and shoes your activity would be a beater in your car ...
Yeah, that was a little far to go for a joke. I know it, and I'm properly shamed.
Hmm. Having trouble reaching. Can someone give me a hand with the spanking ...
I don't wear a watch, and I defy any of your average barflies to judge my income from my sandals.
Part of this ploy is that you need to make sure they're fairly schnockered *first* before delivering the comeon.
I'm not sure which bodes more ill for the human race... that men keep delivering these lines or that women keep falling for them.
_________
"I lost my phone number, can i have yours?"
_________
"fuck me if im wrong, but you want to fuck me don't you?"
__________
"Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?"
Dating in Australia appears to be a little more straightforward than it is here in the US ...
Once in her semi-distant past, my wife was lobbed the following winner:
"If you were a booger, I'd pick you first."
That just OOZES class.
"fuck me if im wrong, but you want to fuck me don't you?"
That is even better than mine. I had always heard it as, "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Helga?"
or the ever popular...
"Nice Shoes. Wanna Fuck?"
I like the funny ones because nobody takes a pick-up line seriously, but my best frien likes the corny ones like these gems...
"Is your dad a theif? Beause I swear he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes."
or
"Can I borrow a quarter? I promised my mom I'd call her when I met the woman of my dreams"
or
<reaching to look at the tag on her dress/blouse/etc>
She looks up to see what you're doing and you say...
"I'm sorry, I was just checking to see if you were made in Heaven."
"Nice bum, where ya from?" used to get its share of smiles.
Originally posted by Radar
"Nice Shoes. Wanna Fuck?"
I was wondering when someone was going to bring this one in...I was starting to wonder if perth actually made that up.
Any preposturous statement followed by "If I'm wrong I'll kiss your ass".
Ok, I've *never* liked pick-up lines. They always seemed stupid and immature... but... there has been
one that for some reason has struck a chord with me...
Excuse me... ok, I know this is going to sound crazy. But uh... well, there really is a party in my pants. And well... you really are invited.
:D :D
Chick: ummm..., what's that smell? WHat do you have on?
guy: Actually, I've got a hard-on...Didn't know you could smell it..
Originally posted by wolf
Dating in Australia appears to be a little more straightforward than it is here in the US ...
heh.. Im just posting ones i think are worth a laugh. when guys use them i doubt they ever expect them to work. i mean if you really did want to pick up, you'd soberly walk up, ask their name/ say hello and introduce yourself. from this they would know your not just drunk and desperate. If you are drunk and desperate, theres really no point anyway, most girls see through that straight away.
Heh, actually I've seen drunk and desperate work many times. Sure, they see right through it, they just don't have a problem with it. Well, they don't have a problem if the guy is willing to pay to get them equally drunk before getting a room.
(Not that I get hit on a lot, but..)
The One That Didn't:
(I was leaning against a wall, waiting for a bus. Fellow walks up.)
Fellow: You waiting for that bus?
Me: Yup.
Fellow: Got a boyfriend?
Me: Ummm...yes.
(Fellow leaves.)
The One That Did:
Fellow: You're reallly near-sighted, right?
Me: Yup!
(Fellow takes off my glasses)
Fellow: So...how close would I have to get to you before you could see me clearly?
(Fellow leans in closer and closer until our lips are almost touching. He stops.)
Me: Umm...I can see you now.
don't wear a watch, and I defy any of your average barflies to judge my income from my sandals.
Ha! I can tell a pair of wally world specials from Sideouts in about about 2 seconds. Trust me, women love shoes. Women know shoes.
My favorite pickup line of all times was "you look tired, would you like to sit on my face?" No it didn't work, but it was a good way to start what turned out to be a really silly conversation.
I'm sure you can... but does that lead to the necessary conclusion that the guy who shopped at Wal-Mart has less $$$?
Originally posted by Elionwyr
(Not that I get hit on a lot, but..)
After checking out your home page I'm having a hard time believing this. ;-) Nice picture with the crow btw.
My roommate pulled a "Night at the Roxbury" moment:
he made a loud, obnoxious siren noise.
cute young woman asks, 'What IS that?'
roommate: "It's the ambulance coming to take me away, because the sight of you stopped my heart."
Ugh.
The stupid part is, it worked (they went out for about half a year). Maybe the key is to know that what you're doing is ridiculous, but that it's an opening to a conversation.
Originally posted by blue58
After checking out your home page I'm having a hard time believing this. ;-) Nice picture with the crow btw.
Heh. Well, it's true it's true!
Of course, when it *does* happen, I usually need someone else to point it out to me.
And yeah - cool pic, huh? It's actually a raven, and I was just..madly in love.
Which led to a horrid case of chirpes. :eek:
Somehow I knew I was going to mucjk that up, I had to go back and edit out hawk actually the first time.
OK, I'll bite....whats chirpes?
Originally posted by blue58
Somehow I knew I was going to mucjk that up, I had to go back and edit out hawk actually the first time.
OK, I'll bite....whats chirpes?
re: bird
It's not a really obvious thing. It's even sorta hard to guess size from a pic like that.
re: chirpes
A very very species specific form of herpes, of course.
:D
It's like herpes, only it makes you break out into songs by Adam Duritz (which gives me a burning sensation, if no one else)
Is it transmitted via the pecker?
excuse me, but if we were a couple of squirrels could i bust a nut in your hole?
Here's one I heard when I was sixteen and working at a restaurant. "What I want's not on the menu." Complete with a look that clarified any possible confusion, I was definitely the target of the comment. Just to clarify to anyone that's new, I am a guy. The person that said that was about sixty and also male. *shudder*
Originally posted by Whit
Here's one I heard when I was sixteen and working at a restaurant. "What I want's not on the menu." Complete with a look that clarified any possible confusion, I was definitely the target of the comment. Just to clarify to anyone that's new, I am a guy. The person that said that was about sixty and also male. *shudder*
AHH!! thats just wrong. :worried:
Yeah, that was unpleasant. Though much older, I still was quite shocked when a guy in straight bar walked up to my friend and I and tried to pick us up, then when turned down flatly, offered me cash to "get freaky" with him. I was actually working that night (checking ID's at the door). So he didn't get hurt, though I was losing patience and my friend has long passed the point that he wished to do the guy harm. He had gotten pretty pissed when the gay guy felt him up. Of course then it was our job to make sure no one else hurt the guy, inside the bar at least.
Oops, in keeping with the thread I should have posted his actual line. He actually just introduced himself, announced he was homosexual and asked what we were doing that night. When informed we weren't interested the dude actually palmed my friends upper chest as he said, "You, I mean damn!" to him. Then turned to me and says, "But you, you I'll pay to get freaky" and actually started to pull out his wallet. I changed from politely saying I wasn't interested to "Back off and go away" with body language saying that I was out of patience.
Originally posted by Whit
Oops, in keeping with the thread I should have posted his actual line. He actually just introduced himself, announced he was homosexual and asked what we were doing that night. When informed we weren't interested the dude actually palmed my friends upper chest as he said, "You, I mean damn!" to him. Then turned to me and says, "But you, you I'll pay to get freaky" and actually started to pull out his wallet. I changed from politely saying I wasn't interested to "Back off and go away" with body language saying that I was out of patience.
ida decked him right there! bullshit! i'm all for gay rights and whatnot but have respect when someone says no! either way.
I don't know...a guy once actually asked me, "do you come here often?" *shakes head*
I also got, "What's your sign?" When I told him, "Neon," he just looked confused....*sigh*
Sidhe
Originally posted by Whit
[B SNIP....Of course then it was our job to make sure no one else hurt the guy, inside the bar at least. [/B]
Couldn't you eject him for inappropriate behavior?
From a conversation last night with a girl who had sensuous curly black hair (and who was reading CRYPTONOMICON!):
"Well, tomorrow's my day off, so I really should celebrate... are you doing anything tonight?"
Was that a pickup line?
Sounds like it could have been...was she cute?
More to the point.. did it work? :doit:
Bruce asked:
Couldn't you eject him for inappropriate behavior?
I suppose we could have. However, he was not loud or aggressive, not in a physically dangerous way at least. While he did go to far in touching my friend it was above the belt, so that seems questionable. He also went to far by making a cash offer to me, but that wasn't really harmful in any way. Of course in retrospect it was illegal. Didn't think of that at the time.
'Sides, by letting him stay we thought somebody else might deck him. Sure it would be our job to break it up, but we might not notice right off so it might take us a few extra seconds to get there...
Originally posted by Torrere
From a conversation last night with a girl who had sensuous curly black hair (and who was reading CRYPTONOMICON!):
"Well, tomorrow's my day off, so I really should celebrate... are you doing anything tonight?"
Was that a pickup line?
You're in Seattle, right? If her name was Jennifer, tell her Alan says "Hi." :D
Oh, and I'd say yes, that was definitely a pickup line.
Edit: Corrected a misspelling
Was that a pickup line?
Does the pope wear a funny hat?
Did anything happen with this spunky young lass?
I am tragically not very good yet at detecting these things.
I didn't clue in until about five minutes after we parted company. I managed to avoid giving myself any flesh wounds.
I think even I would have picked that up. And I'm notoriously clueless about such things.
So, was this someone you had just met, or do you know her?
Had just met. I did connive a scheme to meet with her again a week later, but not having picked up on the line immediately, I'm possibly too embarrassed to do so.
If she was reading Crypto she probably "gets" social density and may even dig it.
Thank you for the encouragement! I suppose that I will go ahead and give it a try!
Although she hadn't read that far into the book: there were still about two hundred pages between her and those chapters.
Do you have any Australian in you?
No ?
Want some?
One that worked for me:
She: I have a bullwhip and I'm not afraid to use it! STRIP!
me: Yes, Ma'am!
one that worked for me:
"I'd like to get something straight between us."
followed by:
" you know, I can make this very hard for you"
" why don;t you come sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up"
i guess it doesn;t really count as a "pick up" line cuz i was already married to the person it worked on.
It counts, Jim. Being married doesn't guarantee sex, just more convenient to ask.:)
_________
"fuck me if im wrong, but you want to fuck me don't you?"
I was drinking water when I read this. You nearly drowned me.
yeah....that was a GOOD one. I plan to use it on jinx tomorrow night. I bet it'll work.
Here's my personal favorite:
1) Lick the tip of your finger.
2)Look them in the eye and wipe their shirt with the finger.
3)Say...."Now lets get you out of those wet clothes."
:)
Here's my personal favorite:
1) Lick the tip of your finger.
2)Look them in the eye and wipe their shirt with the finger.
3)Say...."Now lets get you out of those wet clothes."
:)
I was just about to write that one, so I'll make one up.
"You make my dick want to vomit."
Um...Sal.....That doesn't sound like a good thing....I wouldn't go with that one...especially if you only have one second of air-time.
:)
It might work in a S/M dungeon, if you're sniffing out a slave...?
In some twisted way, it's a more "refined" way of saying "you give me a stiffy."
Maybe...
I once used this one during a group session:
"Do you mind if I slip into someone more comfortable?" :D
I use this one:
"Excuse me, do you have the time? Good, I have the place."
lol!@Shawnee!!
If I could re-arrange the alphabet I would put "I" and "U" together.
"They put a man on the moon, how about I put one on you?"
Guaranteed to work:
"When you're ready to shag, I'll be over there"
Or this one:
I'm leaving, do you want to come with me?
Here's my two faves:
"Sit on my face and i'll suck your guts out" (has worked once but generally always gets a laugh)
and
*holds up two fingers* "you know why women use these two fingers to reach orgasm?"
woman: "no, why"
Me: "because they're mine".
Has worked as well - but once again, great for the laugh factor :D
You must be pretty hot if either of those worked. srsly.
:)
I just lick my eyebrows, it seems to work
You must be pretty hot if either of those worked. srsly.
:)
hahaha, not me. I've got a head like a half sucked twistie. But with the lines i mentioned above.......in fact ANY of the lines on this thread, it's not what you say but how you say it.
Saying a corny line while staring at a chicks tits and holding your cock in your hand ain't gona win you any battles. But if you say it to get a laugh then that's the hardest part - the icebreaker - out of the way and hopefully your natural charm will win the day.
"We're going to go smoke some pot, anyone want to join?"
That worked.
i wonder if anyone has ever tried, "Hi. I'm Jim. I'd like to try and pick you up, if that would be OK."
I'm gonna fuck you and you're gonna like it. That's all there is to it. Let's go.
There's something about your tits that I just want to come all over.
One time this chick at the bar says "I suck a mean dick" and my buddy goes "Really? Because I have a mean dick."
I wish you were my little toe.
WHY?
because I would bang you on every piece of furniture in my house
I used to work with an old guy who, every time a pretty girl walked by his machine at work, would yell (it was loud in there):
I'll fuck, and I know how, too.
