Products You Knew Never Should Exist

Lamplighter • Mar 1, 2015 2:45 pm
Lamplighter;922722 wrote:
...Today, the sun is up and about, it's going to be a warm, cloud-less,
and slightly breezy day, the damn grass still needs mowing,
and again I'm feeling incredibly lazy.

xoxoxoBruce;922723 wrote:
Kill it... kill it with fire. :flamer: Then Salt the earth.


The GOOD:
My mower started on the first pull.
The grass has now been mowed.

The BAD:
Now I swear I do NOT have a penis obsession,
but this is the "Gas-Can-On-Viagra".

[ATTACH]50503[/ATTACH]

It was the only model available at our local hardware store ($17.98).

There are so many things WRONG with this "new" spout...
1) the red tip-closure is almost impossible to unscrew
2) the "pressure-relief" action is difficult and awkward
3) the spout has to be held to allow the gas to flow
4) the spout does not bend to allow the can to be positioned
5) the closure at tip sprays gas in a fan, rather than flowing smoothly
6) when the spout is stored inside the can, gas will leak out the fitting.

For me, it seemed that every movement or action I tried ended up
with more gas spreading on the spout, the can, the ground, and my hands. :thepain:

I may accidentally leave it in the yard when I follow xoB's suggestion.
Gravdigr • Mar 1, 2015 3:29 pm
About a year ago Popdigr got one of those new-fangled 'better' gas cans.

Piece. Of. Shit.

It went away.




ETA: $18. Yee. Ikes.
xoxoxoBruce • Mar 1, 2015 5:44 pm
New and improved means they've come up with a design which will fail sooner or will frustrate you into vengeful acts destroying the can. Either way, the chance to sell you a replacement sooner, bolsters the bottom line.
But, you say, I wouldn't buy from them again.
How would you know, by then they have a new and improved design, new packaging, maybe even a new business name. Besides, you wouldn't remember the name of the last company unless you have a vengeful hate deep in your heart.
If so, may god have mercy on your soul.
glatt • Mar 1, 2015 6:28 pm
It's new federal regulations, guys. They all suck now.
classicman • Mar 8, 2015 6:20 pm
Lamplighter;922734 wrote:

The BAD:
"Gas-Can"

It was the only model available at our local hardware store ($17.98).

There are so many things WRONG with this "new" spout...
1) the red tip-closure is almost impossible to unscrew
2) the "pressure-relief" action is difficult and awkward
3) the spout has to be held to allow the gas to flow
4) the spout does not bend to allow the can to be positioned
5) the closure at tip sprays gas in a fan, rather than flowing smoothly
6) when the spout is stored inside the can, gas will leak out the fitting.

For me, it seemed that every movement or action I tried ended up
with more gas spreading on the spout, the can, the ground, and my hands. :thepain:


I too own one of these.

glatt;922766 wrote:
It's new federal regulations, guys. They all suck now.


It is time to get creative with the required regulations and turn that stupid ass thing int a damn 2.5 gallon plastic container with a spout. Start with a large pair of pliers and rip that crap off the top. Take the spring and see how far you can fling it... ;)
Gravdigr • Mar 10, 2015 3:52 pm
Ladies and gentlemen of Teh Cellar, behold:

The Recto-Flute

[ATTACH]50597[/ATTACH]

Better names?

Toot Flute
Poot Flute
Gas Blaster
Pupuzela
Butt Bugle
Corn Horn

This music stinks.
BigV • Mar 10, 2015 10:28 pm
:rolleyes:
Happy Monkey • Mar 11, 2015 7:15 pm
Hello Barbie

A doll that records your conversations, transmits them to Mattel, who analyze them and send back something for the doll to say.
DanaC • Mar 11, 2015 7:27 pm
Yeah. Nothing creepy or sinister about that at all.
Clodfobble • Mar 11, 2015 7:56 pm
I'm stating on the record right here and now, that's a budding April Fool's joke. No fucking way is that real.
xoxoxoBruce • Mar 11, 2015 10:13 pm
Mattel’s technology partner [strike]ToyTalk[/strike] NSA processes the audio with voice-recognition software.
Sundae • Mar 12, 2015 5:30 am
Grav, I now have serious issues with you. AGAIN.
I read your toot-flute post in a public place.
In a library FFS.

I honestly, literally, had to put my hand across my mouth to stop laughing.

Please to warn poor people who access internet in public.
Carruthers • Mar 12, 2015 5:47 am
Trump it.
Gravdigr • Mar 12, 2015 4:27 pm
Trump it - Hah!
Gravdigr • Mar 12, 2015 4:28 pm
Sundae;923371 wrote:
Grav, I now have serious issues with you. AGAIN.
I read your toot-flute post in a public place.
In a library FFS.

I honestly, literally, had to put my hand across my mouth to stop laughing.

Please to warn poor people who access internet in public.


I'm sorries.
Happy Monkey • Mar 17, 2015 10:45 am
The Gentleman's Single-Use Unlubricated Monocle
glatt • Mar 17, 2015 11:16 am
Happy Monkey;923837 wrote:
The Gentleman's Single-Use Unlubricated Monocle


Around 200 [strike]suckers[/strike] backers have signed up. Amazing.
Carruthers • Mar 17, 2015 11:19 am
glatt;923838 wrote:
Around 200 [strike]suckers[/strike] backers have signed up. Amazing.



Build a better monocle, and the World will beat a path to your door.
BigV • Mar 17, 2015 12:00 pm
The comments are almost as entertaining as the project itself. I feel myself reaching toward my wallet...

eta: Watch the promotional video!

"Curse your Teutonic preparedness!"

Remember Gentlemen, if you want to join your lady in the private box "at the opera", you cannot come unprepared.
Gravdigr • Mar 17, 2015 5:09 pm
If you attempt to use it as a condom, you will definitely hurt yourself, and you may experience the miracle of life.
classicman • Mar 17, 2015 5:31 pm
Lamplighter;922734 wrote:


[ATTACH]50503[/ATTACH]


Was helping Dad clean out both his attics this weekend. Found a REAL gas can. One without all the regulatory bullshit on it. Steel with an air hole in the back and an angled tip spout on the front.
It is now mine! (Happy Dance)
Gravdigr • Aug 20, 2015 2:12 pm
[COLOR="DarkRed"]***THE LINK IN THE FOLLOWING POST PROBABLY SHOULD NOT BE FOLLOWED FROM WORK***[/COLOR]
Gravdigr • Aug 20, 2015 2:15 pm
A tampon that you can share with a friend, a very close friend, is a product that probably should not exist.

Actually, it's two tampons. But, they're connected by one string.

:3_eyes:[COLOR="LemonChiffon"]...[/COLOR]WTF?[COLOR="LemonChiffon"]...[/COLOR]:3_eyes:
xoxoxoBruce • Aug 20, 2015 2:20 pm
Two holes. ;)
xoxoxoBruce • Aug 27, 2015 1:51 pm
LumiLor™ Electroluminescent Coating System
Turn you table into a lamp, your helmet into a light bulb, or your pogo stick into a night terror.
The bad news - it must be electrically powered.
The good news - you can switch it on and off.

They claim they can coat...
Metal Applications: Metals (primed first to insulate them electrically) make a great surface to turn into an EL lamp.

Plastic Applications: LumiLor™ can be applied to plastics in an unlimited variety of shapes and sizes.

Vinyl Application: LumiLor™ can be applied to vinyl and can flex up to 180º.

Wood Applications: LumiLor can be applied to wood as see in the image of a guitar body. Imagine a white hand rail down your stairs illuminating at night as you approach, lighting your way in the dark.

Glass Application: Glass is now a practical substrate with plenty of potential.
fargon • Aug 27, 2015 2:45 pm
I like that.
Clodfobble • Aug 27, 2015 2:57 pm
That's a Tron cosplay just waiting to happen.
Gravdigr • Aug 27, 2015 4:22 pm
That would make for some interesting pinstriping.
Happy Monkey • Sep 19, 2015 8:19 pm
Amazon Dash
Gravdigr • Sep 20, 2015 2:42 pm
:facepalm:
wolf • Sep 24, 2015 2:17 am
Happy Monkey;939609 wrote:
Amazon Dash

The only problem I see is that they don't have one for K-Cups. Yet.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
xoxoxoBruce • Sep 27, 2015 5:16 am
The kids would love that button. :facepalm: is right.
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