I hope you step on a Lego

poke your self in the eye while driving


have an itchy asshole all afternoon


drop an ice cube, and be unable to pick it up. then when you finally do, bang your head on the ope freezer door as you stand up

Not you

just kidding

I hope you get one of those weird itchy spots on your arm!

I hope you stub you little toe.

I hope you bang your shin on the bedframe.

I hope you feel like you have to sneeze but can't.

I hope your eyelid twitches all afternoon.

I hope you put too much faith in a fart after taco Tuesday.

I hope the entire staff orders lunch (delivered) and doesn't pass the menu to you.

I hope you get a blood blister from those pliers

I hope your knicker elastic fails.

I hope you get there just in the nick of time -after all that dodging and weaving in traffic ....to find your appointment is cancelled.

I hope the arch of your foot itches in church.

I hope you lose count when employing the five--second-rule

I hope you drop the roll off the top of your food pile while holding your plate and a glass...and you're a long way from a table.

I hope your cake sinks after you think it's going to be fine.

I hope your funny bone bangs the corner of the wall and no one cares.

I hope you poke your ear drum with a cotton bud.

I hope you get that Meghan Trainor song stuck in your head :)

[COLOR="LemonChiffon"]You're welcome, Jim, have a nice day[/COLOR]

I hope when you jump out the window, you catch your eye on a nail

I hope the last page of your book is missing

I hope there's something gooey, that you can't identify, on your coffee mug handle and I hope it gets on your hand

I hope the water fountain shoots water up your nose

I hope you look around for your sunglasses for a moment, only to realize they are on the top of your head.

I hope you forget what you were going to

I hope the hot young girl hitting on you in the bar turns out to be your daughter from a one night stand 20 years ago.

Old Boy!

I hope you fall and scrape your knee.

I hope you bang your shin on the coffee table.

I hope you get that Meghan Trainor song stuck in your head![COLOR="LemonChiffon"]....[/COLOR]:mad:

I hope your scooter is out of gas, and you're out of cash, and can't justify going to the ATM for $3.00 to put gas in it, and it's nice out, and it's prolly one of the last scootable days of the year, and you really want to ride your scooter, but, you can't, cuz yer outta gas...uh, yeah, that.

I hope your Viagra kicks in 5 minutes AFTER she leave in frustration!

I hope you put on your winter coat for the fist time of the season and find a wadded up used tissue in the pocket.

I hope your fucking two year old keeps you awake and then tells you in the morning that they're tired.

I hope you have mudd butt and run out of toilet paper in a public restroom

I hope you don't mind, but

Spare a square?

I hope your coffee is too hot to drink, then by the time you remember to check it again, it's cold.

Sheldonrs;913409 wrote:

I hope the hot young girl hitting on you in the bar turns out to be your daughter from a one night stand 20 years ago.

Gravdigr;913416 wrote:

Old Boy!

No.

Spoiler below.
[COLOR="White"]
That was "The Judge" that that happened to. Actually, the judge was Robert DeNiro, the hit-upon was Robert Downey Jr.[/COLOR]

Highlight at your peril.

Well, yeah, you are right. I had forgotten. Ew.

I hope you get a tickly nose hair and can't find it with tweezers

I hope you get a bag of mixed nuts and by chance there are no cashews in it.

thank you

Because it's all brazil nuts.

And Nigger Toes.

I hope you crack your windshield

When I was a small kid, the adults called Brazil nuts “nigger toes.” Racism wasn't a concept to me then. The idea that they were “toes” bugged me.

^WHS. My mom turns all shades of red when retelling that story every holiday.

I hope you clip that nail a little too much.

I hope your girlfriend develops a FUPA.

I hope you scoot your eye out.

Gravdigr;913486 wrote:

I hope your girlfriend develops a FUPA.

Aka Vajomach

I hope your light turns green just as a long funeral procession starts coming through

I hope your frog croaks.

You hope him frog croak?

Dead mouse family in your duct.
Dog shit transfer from heel to pant leg to car seat to fingers when your nostril is gummed with crusty boogs.

I hope your conjoined twin gets a really bad case of Montezuma's Revenge.

I hope you drop the ice cream off your cone.

I hope you lose your whistle.

I hope someone steals your lollipop.

I hope you get sunburn. On yer ballsack.

I hope you get a bland batch of Cheez-its.

I hope that, when secretly picking your nose in a public place, you pull out a long string of bogey attached to the crusty bit you're trying to remove just when you notice someone's looking at you.

I hope your family signs up for a reality show and they hire someone else to play you!

Sheldonrs;913934 wrote:

I hope your family signs up for a reality show and they hire someone else to play you!

I'd be glad!

I hope you were hoping for something else.

I hope my autobiography is a best-seller and I spelled your name wrong ON PURPOSE.
And I did make your willy sound gimpy.

I hope Westboro baptist church attends your funeral

Damn, man.

I hope you get bitten by an aroused capybara.

I hope the ex you dropped when she had cancer comes back in good health and, having joined the executive level of your company, decides that your skills aren't sufficient for the project that could really validate you.

[Size=1]Hee.[/Size]

Grav - I'll be in Lexington next April for Rolex (watching, as a bucket list item). Where are you in relation to Lexington? I can't visit Kentucky and not meet you.

I hope you drop your toothbrush into the toilet

I hope you get a gnat in your eye



not you






just kidding

I hope you wonder if this is about you

I hope you lose hope.

Orth, I'm not sure I like the bucket list refs.
Plz to tell me I didn't miss some bad news while I was away.

Of course if we're really into Eve of Destruction mode, I'm along for the ride.
I want to meet Grav too. And all his clan, including Slick Boy. I got pretty much the rest of my life to waste , may as well meet some memories to take with me.

Anyway, as you were.

I hope you get a sticky duvet dream about something really inappropriate .
And you roll in the gluey bit and everything.

Eew. It's cold.

And gluey.

I hope the tab on your can of beer snaps off as you try to open it.

I hope the G-20 comes to your town.

I hope you're searching for your lost shaker of salt.

I hope you accidentally wink at your boss

I hope your toothache starts on the Thursday evening of a long holiday weekend.

I hope your mom forgets your birthday



oh, Happy Birthday, Tony!

( I saved this one for your birthday, but these are all DEFINITELY NOT about you)

JUST KIDDING

You mean just kidding these ARE all about me?

:sad:

Don't be sad on your birthday! Happy birthday, UT!

if it was ever about you
it really wasn't ever
i was just kidding anyway
you dont even know my life
i can say what i wanna say
just kidding i was just kidding

i hope you get a rash

not you

IT'S ALWAYS ALL ABOUT ME ME ME



except when it isn't

yeah, well, happy birthday anyway, i hope it's better than the weather

and i hope you trip up the steps

not you

I hope you hit your front tooth on your coffee mug, but not so hard that it becomes loose, just enough that your tongue feels around it every 10 minutes for the next two hours because your brain knows that something happened.

I hope you manage to blow out all of the candles on your birthday cake but one.

And now for something completely different: HB, UT!

I hope you forget how to ride a bike

I hope that when you finally find out how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, assuming a woodchuck could chuck wood, you are sorely disappointed.

And Happy Birthday Toad!

Happy Birthday Toad!

I hope you shart.

Not you. You. Yeah, you. You fukkin fuk.

I hope the whiskey you're drinking came out of a plastic bottle


I hope when you bungie jump, the cord wraps around your testes.

I hope you wet the bed

I hope your dog makes a pile of used menstruation apparatus in your living room and happy birthday!

I hope you don't have enough room for desert on Thanksgiving.

I hope your check engine light comes on. And flickers.

"I Hope You Die" by John Wing

Woke up this morning, and you were gone
Found a note, it said "so long"
You said this love would last our lives
I hope your face breaks out in hives

I hope you die a painful death
I hope you choke on your next breath
You screwed me up, you done me wrong
I hope you die before too long

I hope you have a heart attack
I hope your breasts get really slack
You were my girl but now you're not
I hope you die, I hope you rot

Cus I don't wanna be your friend
I only want your life to end
You're back in town, someone else's gal
I hope you drown in the love canal

I hope you die a painful death
I hope you choke on your next breath
You screwed me up, you done me wrong
I hope you die before too long


I hope you die before i end this song
I hope you die, i really really hope you die
die die die die
eat shit and die.

that's a little harsh for the general tone of this thread doncha think? :cry:

I hope you get a papercut on your knob right next to your peepee hole next time you jerk off over a prono mag

yes, you.

:D

oh and I hope your sock elastic fails when you are wearing loose boots..

I hope you get butt hurt over someone telling you that you're doing it wrong again.

just you


not kidding

just kidding

monster;914827 wrote:

that's a little harsh for the general tone of this thread doncha think?

Apparently not.

I missed the ;) sorry Apparently somebody hoped I'd fuck everything up today. But at least this one didn't really hurt anyone/thing.

I hope your fruitcake has a crunchy bit that shouldn't be there

I hope you run out of gas on a bridge

(((unrelated to the OP but it goes on, I just burned the potroast :( )))

I hope your meat loafs


I hope you get a hole in your sock

I hope there are shells in your eggs


not me

someone else

I hope your boss removes your favorite laptop

so you have to resubscribe to all your porn sites

I hope you try to post here and your technology repeatedly fails right after you've written a thoughtful reply to another post.

I hope you can't think of anything to say

I hope you're not 100% sure you turned the oven off

I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest your pubic hair.

Just getting into the spirit of things.

I hope you have an infected nosehair.

I hope you get a chapped cooch.

I hope I don't run out of Gin.

Oh, wrong thread. But I really hope I don't.

I hope you do one of those slimy shits that no amount of toilet paper is able to clean the skids from you bum, then you get in a minor crash, but they have to cut your clothes off and they find the skid marks, and it's the really hot nurse and doctor that have to do it.

I hope you forget that that pair of pants had a hole in the pocket, and you lose some of the change you put in there.

I hope you get a pimple in your ear

I hope the cherry on the end of that roach gives you a lip blister.

Also, that you suck a little piece of weed out of the joint, and it gets stuck on that little hangy-down, punching bag-looking thing in the back of your mouth.

too harsh!

I hope you develop a freckle on yer schmekel.

I hope the glass part on your big outdoor thermometer slips a little bit, so you always think it's 5 degrees colder outside than it actually is.

I hope you get a speeding ticket

I hope you have an asthma attack

woah! Is this like Millionaire -now we've progressed there's no going back to the lego without risk of losing it all?

I hope a bird shits on your windshield and your washer water is frozen

I hope your haiku
Has an extra syllable
Or one too few

It's not serious.

Just kidding

I hope you were taken seriously when you were just kidding. :p:

I hope you don't find out you've stepped in dog poop til after you've put your feet up on your nice new sofa.

I hope you get the smaller piece of the wishbone.

I hope you decide it's okay to remove your own cannula and then it goes a gusher so the public toilet cubicle looks like The Red Wedding (except for the drummer from Coldplay) and you have to apologise and make lame excuses which sound more dishonest the more honest you are.

I hope you swallow a fly

...while giving bathroom bjs in a biker bar.

I hope you miss your exit

I hope your turkey is dry.

I hope you spill(ed) your pumpkin pie filling as you tried to maneuver the sucker into the oven.

I hope that when you started cooking it, you misunderstood, and prepared a turd ucken.

I hope you get it out of your system

I hope you ran out to pick up your woman's birthday present on Black fucking Friday.

I hope you're happy mister

I hope you feel like you're forgetting something ...

I hope you remember what it was, go into the next room to get it and forget again.

I hope you accidentally hit "End call" instead of turning off speaker phone after you've been on hold for 20 minutes.

monster;914954 wrote:

I hope a bird shits on your windshield and your washer water is frozen

CLOSE!

[ATTACH]49723[/ATTACH]
Nov. 10, 2014

So there I was, scootering down the road, minding my own business, when all of a sudden SPLAT!

I first saw it when it was about 3 feet out in front of me, and about 1 foot above my line of sight. I saw it. There was no time to react, as I was scootering along at pretty good clip, about 40 mph. I remember closing my eyes. I didn't even have time to cuss. I knew what it was before it hit me (no pun intended:D).

So, now, here I am, running down the road after some avian asshole has loosened it's load, on my eye, watching, with macro vision, as this chalky, white lump of birdturd slowly gets pushed around my glasses' lens by the wind. The most of it was fairly liquid. But, this turd keeps moving around, the wind is pushing it toward the outside edge of the lens. I realize that if this turd of bird runs out of lens, it's gonna continue to be pushed by the wind. Onto, and then, I assume, across my face. Into my hair.

By the way, I'm in traffic, there ain't gonna be no "GAHBIRDSHITONMAHGLASSES!!!"-panic stops.

So, now, I'm scootering down the road with a loosened bird load sliding around my glasses, holding my head like I'm staring at something off to the right of the road, hoping beyond hope that if this milky thing decides to leave my glasses, it will fly off into the ether, instead of sliding/flying/smearing itself into my face and hair.

It did neither. It solidified in about thirty seconds into a solid lump of white chalk.

I ran the hottest water I felt safe about soaking the glasses in (I worried that boiling water may cause the lenses to loosen and come out, and I like these glasses, good wind protection), and covered them, literally, in Dawn dish washing detergent, and let them soak overnight.

Thank God I was wearing those glasses, or, I might have shitty outlook on things.

Totally unlike the outlook I have now.:right:

...It was the first day with me new hook...

I hope you burn the toast

hahaha@grav Sorry, but it's funny. You poor thing.

I hope you get out of the shower and realise you have no towel or clothes in the bathroom and then realise you've had unexpected visitors arrive while you've been in the shower. :)

I hope they open the fire hydrants on your street to flush out the water mains just as you have lathered up you hair in the shower.

I hope that new(ish) roof you didn't want, ask for, or need starts leaking.

Goddammit.:mad:

I was telling that story in the bar, and began hearing the table behind us laughing. By the time I was done, the table behind us, the table on the other side, and the table across the aisle was laughing. I think the whole bar heard that story.

I hope you launch Internet Explorer

I hope you cut yourself shaving

I hope you cut yourself shaving...your pubes

I hope your TP slips and you get poop under your fingernail.

I hope you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours.


I hope you get moderate to severe plaque psoriasis

I hope you ask your doctor about Viagara and he tells you you are not healthy enough to have sex.

Not you, ladies.

I hope you forget to turn off your alarm clock the night before your day off.

I hope you have two totes amazeballs photos and send them to a cool person and they don't receive them.

I hope your dogs find a gut pile and create an insurmountable bubble of ass gas in your house.

I hope your Viagara doesn't work.

Not to leave out the ladies:

I hope you experience vaginal dryness.

I hope you get shrews

I hope YOU step on a legolegolego

I hope you swallow your gum

I hope that, in the men's room, when you shake it, you get a little on your leg.

I hope your sandwich remains attached to the bite you just took by a long, black hair.

I hope you get soppy socked.

(that's when you're wearing socks around the house and you step in a melted ice cube, or a puddle of dog drool or some other kind of minor body of watery substance that instantly soaks through your sock into the arch of your foot, making the stock cling there in a most uncomfortable fashion.)

I hope that.


But not you. You know who.


Just kidding

You Do know who, right?

I hope your train of thought derails.

lumberjim;915633 wrote:

You Do know who, right?

Peter Capaldi. Who Dani says is marves.
But even if I had a TV I couldn't afford the licence.

So I watch Lady Soliloquy's excellent version of JB's The Doctor & I on YouTube instead. And Meghan Trainor. Obsessive? Yup, can do.

If I can get Carruthers to use totes amazeballs I can do anything.

Apologies, Bettina B did the JB compilation.
Lady S did the Whoverse one.

Anyway, in the whatsit of the thread, I hope you get cucumber important your Caesar salad.

Sundae;915725 wrote:

If I can get Carruthers to use totes amazeballs I can do anything.

I know it's the sort language that you hip young people like. ;)

That's why the elderly get hip replacements!

Grooooaaaan. :rolleyes:

:drummer:

And now a word from our sponsor:

J Edgar Hoover, as I live and breathe.

I hope you get a hang nail and it gets bent back when you put your fingers into a file drawer.

I hope your prescription expires

I hope your watch falls off

I hope you blow a blood vessel in your eye

Not you



Just kidding

May all your nightmares come true.

May all your burgers hide molten cheese under the bun.

May all your toast land butter side down.

May all your condoms dissolve.

May all your financial obligations and mistress be late.

I hope your pleas fall on deaf ears

I hope your limbs are all akimbo

I hope your dentist sneezes

I hope you don't get your money's worth at the buffet

Not you

I hope that thing you've laughed at all your life afflicts you in your old age.

I hope you wake up late. Just a little.

I hope the sauce squirts out the back of your burger when you bite it.

I hope your soda goes flat before you can enjoy it.

I hope you step in cold cat yak.

I hope the cat comes in from outside, sits down on your bare foot, and touches it with his cold bunghole.[/actuallyhappenedtoMomdigr]

I hope you develop a neuroma in your foot.

Then step on a lego.

I hope someone leaves your cake out in the rain.

I hope your neighbor's kids form a screamo band.

I hope you get audited

I hope your car horn gets stuck down next time you use it

I hope you run out of wiper fluid

I hope a tree falls in the forest and you're there, but it makes no sound.

I hope ya find a hair in it.

I hope you bet your bottom dollar. And lose

Not you

Ok, you.

Just kidding

I hope you itch.

I hope you have a creeping sense of malaise

I hope you're bored

I hope you're tired of reading this thread

I hope your cable goes out tonight right as Game of Thrones starts

I hope you feel constipated and it makes you cranky

Not you.

Not at all you

I hope you had money on the Penguins.

I hope you're wondering if you've seen one of these twice.

I hope you can't find the scissors

I hope you're wondering if you've seen one of these twice.

I hope you drop your ice cream cone

I hope it's all caught on camera

I hope you get a popcorn husk stuck to your tongue way back in the back and it makes you gag and cry.

I hope you prefer 5 of these at a time

I hope you were about to say some smart ass thing about the two identical lines only counting as one

You. I'm talking to you.

Just kidding

I hope you had a good day

You. Bastidge.

:p:

I hope you bruise your cuticle during a spirited game of Jenga.

I hope you come home and find your rabbit before it boils dry

I hope you have the phrase, "and so mote it be" stuck in your head all day, but you can never work it into a conversation.

I hope you get a canker sore

I hope you get pee on the front of your pants

Not you

I hope your pencil lead breaks, right after your pen runs out of ink.

I hope you can't find a parking spot

I hope you shart

I hope you get off to a bad start

I hope you run out of pot

lumberjim;1032471 wrote:

I hope you run out of pot

Ok, this ain't just fun and games anymore, is it?