Ask the Transperson
I do a support/information/outreach thing on IRC. It's been pretty successful overall. I have read practically everything written by/about transpeople. I am going through my own (difficult) transition.
I've been through the wringer and have survived (so far).
A lot of beginning transfolk have told me that they look up to me as a mentor (!)
I would like to know, would anyone here be interested in asking the tranny a question? It can be about almost anything. Please don't turn it into Embarrass the Tranny though. There ARE limits!
I will answer any question you ask, even anonymously. I will try to do so honestly and correctly, and will include references or footnotes if necessary.
I know that a lot of cisfolk (that's YOU) are just not informed or educated on our plight. Most will never even MEET one of us. We tend to be a shy and reclusive lot. So, any takers?
The Cellar is generally LGBT friendly; however, I don't recall anyone coming out as a self described "L" here. Are we doing something wrong?
As far as I know, the only serious Ls we've had were previously Ts.
Why do you suppose that is?
Pronouns confuse me in this context. Can you give me any widely acceptable terms to use? "Transperson" does not fall trippingly from the tongue.
I am not the appropriate person to ask in this thread.
I'm directing my question to Pamela, if that's what you were referring to UT, since she's offering insights.
Do you think the extra cost of a six speed trans, over a four, is worth the expense?
Just kidding you. ;)
Wouldn't most people going to all the trouble and expense of a procedure you don't see every day... well you do, but most of the great unwashed don't... almost automatically get thrust into the teacher/mentor role?
Seems that role would be a natural for you because being a little older you've been out there dealing with life and the world...
I am going through my own (difficult) transition.
Is there one thing that comes to mind that would make your transition easier?
What might someone do or not do to support your transition? What do you wish people in general would do differently in regards to the new you?
I can surely relate to your transition in a way. Not transgender but my own transition is OUT of the US.
Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. The first time that I left North America I felt different. Better. Freer. Since then I've been working at getting out for good. Despite the majority of the world's population trying to get IN to the US, I'm getting out. For good.
That's not as drastic of a change as you've made but in that way I can sympathize with the challenges of your journey.
I would like to know, would anyone here be interested in asking the tranny a question? ...
I know that a lot of cisfolk (that's YOU) are just not informed or educated on our plight.
A list of potential questions is too long. However start with the obvious. What question addresses a most problematic plight? What is/are a greatest difficulty?
A list of potential questions is too long. However start with the obvious. What question addresses a most problematic plight? What is/are a greatest difficulty?
You mean other than you?
: )))) just kidding, couldn't resist, when I was teaching I had a comeback for everyone like you who had to preface a question with their methodology for deriving it
... but my own transition is OUT of the US.
Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. ...
We understand just fine, you've gone native. We don't have any problem with that. You've simply failed to understand that charity begins at home. You've made your choices, now live with them, we have.
Pronouns confuse me in this context. Can you give me any widely acceptable terms to use? "Transperson" does not fall trippingly from the tongue.
Certainly. Please use the pronouns that correspond to the gender that the person in question is presenting to you, even if you aren't "fooled". If still in doubt, it is not offensive to simply ask "What pronouns do you prefer?"
Great question.
Is there one thing that comes to mind that would make your transition easier?
What might someone do or not do to support your transition? What do you wish people in general would do differently in regards to the new you?
I can surely relate to your transition in a way. Not transgender but my own transition is OUT of the US.
Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. The first time that I left North America I felt different. Better. Freer. Since then I've been working at getting out for good. Despite the majority of the world's population trying to get IN to the US, I'm getting out. For good.
That's not as drastic of a change as you've made but in that way I can sympathize with the challenges of your journey.
I am not familiar with your situation (I've been away for a long time) but I can sympathize and I have even considered moving out myself.
The best thing people can do to make this easier on me is to simply use my new name and gender pronouns. I still get a lot of people who use the OLD ones. I can understand that you knew me for many years as Brian, but please, try to make the effort. We will really appreiate it and every time we hear our new name, it is enpowering and affirming in ways that defy articulation.
Love
Pam
A list of potential questions is too long. However start with the obvious. What question addresses a most problematic plight? What is/are a greatest difficulty?
Please limit yourself to only a few at a time. I prefer bullet presentation so that I can edit in my answers. Do your worst! :)
Oh, my most problematic plight? I can really live without the death threats. I've gotten two so far, with one coming along with attempts to run me off the highway. Fortunately, I was able to evade the jerks. But that's the most obvious plight.
Why is it that some people think that it's all right to harm us? I have my theories but no real research to back them up. I am waiting for a university or government grant.
Are you doing this because you feel wrong inside your skin? like you really SHOULD have been a chick?
and if that's a yes...what if, when it's all complete.... you STILL feel wrong inside your skin?
Why do you suppose that is?
I have no idea. Perhaps there are Ls aboard that we don't know about and they have chosen not to tell everyone.
After all, I don't recall you announcing YOUR personal taste in partners! :)
It's just a preference. Being gay (or straight or whatever) isn't very important, especially here in a forum. I prefer knowing someone's mind. Are they intellectually stimulating? Yep. That's what *I* look for first.
Are you doing this because you feel wrong inside your skin? like you really SHOULD have been a chick?
and if that's a yes...what if, when it's all complete.... you STILL feel wrong inside your skin?
Good one! You been talking to my psychologist?
The "born in the wrong body" analogy is not quite what we feel but it's a simple and fairly accurate representation that can be conveyed to non-trans people who cannot imagine how we feel.
I look at it like this. I *was* born a chick. Been one all my life. I just have this litle birth defect. I got a shot of testosterone at the wrong time during my development (or perhaps I was exposed to
DES in utero). Whatever happened, I was born with functional male genitals, prompting my attending doctor to announce "It's a boy!" when it was really a girl!
I was thus told all my life that I was a boy, and that boys don't cry, or have sweet sixteens, or wear pretty clothes, or makeup etc etc.
Over forty years of conditioning and training are very difficult to overcome. The incorrect hormone cocktail that I had growing up was wrong for me, made me feel terrible and awkward and confused. The secondary effects like hair all over and cracking and deepening voice and such horrified me. Inside, I was screaming. But I learned not to talk about such things early.
As for surgery, not everyone is a candidate for surgery, and not everyone can afford the $20,000 or more that it costs. Few insurance plans cover it. I know neither of mine do. We are specifically excluded. I hope that changes in the future.
Should I get my bottom surgery (I assume that's what you are referring to), I am certain that I will not regret it, as some have. Not everyone who wants the change should have it.
See
here for some examples of regrets.
To be sure, I have as part of my transition team, a very experienced gender therapist who has counseled countless of my brothers and sisters and seen many through the entire transition including the surgery and beyond. I know that surgery is permanent and irreversible and I want to be absolutely certain before anyone cuts on me. And I will be, however I decide.
Thanks!
Pam
Oh, my most problematic plight? I can really live without the death threats. I've gotten two so far, with one coming along with attempts to run me off the highway. Fortunately, I was able to evade the jerks. But that's the most obvious plight.
Is it reasonable to assume greatest threats (both in numbers and credibility) are from hetrosexual males?
Is that 'plight' overwhelmingly the most serious problem? Or do other plights of equivalent magnitude exist?
How has ending your posts with "Love Pam" worked for you?
For awhile after you introduced yourself, it was in almost every post ... which I found annoying. Now it's not as frequent. To me, a person doing such generally comes across as frivolous or disingenuous depending on their other personality traits. I don't consider it a positive attribute. In your case; however, it seems to be a technique for lowering barriers. Maybe it has even worked well enough for you to suggest it to others.
I get a lot of Trans questions through one of my part time jobs, which includes managing a web site for MtoF transsexuals to help them develope their female voice.
I can't count how many times people assuming I'm trans have asked me about my transition and how I adjusted to peeing, etc. :-)
I guess my question would really be for your wife. I totally get loving the person you are, and that is irrelevant to gender. When it comes to sex and sexual attraction is that an issue for her? If so, in what ways are the two if you addressing it? I guess the question becomes more poignant if you have bottom surgery.
We understand just fine, you've gone native. We don't have any problem with that. You've simply failed to understand that charity begins at home. You've made your choices, now live with them, we have.
Thank you for your brilliant comment, but...... but then I wasn't soliciting for contributions.
The best thing people can do to make this easier on me is to simply use my new name and gender pronouns. I still get a lot of people who use the OLD ones. I can understand that you knew me for many years as Brian, but please, try to make the effort. We will really appreiate it and every time we hear our new name, it is enpowering and affirming in ways that defy articulation.
Love
Pam
That makes sense and I'll surely remember that.
I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them. If they are older or self confident they might smile to break my stare to which I'll smile back and make a little friendly small talk as if to say "oops, sorry about that". :)
I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them.
Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?
... but then I wasn't soliciting for contributions.
What does my temporary hardship have to do with Pam's transperson subject here? Nothing. You've gone out of your way to be snarky when you need not be.
People here raise money for friends regularly. If you're not my friend, that's a tragedy, but try to stick to the subject matter instead of trying to show everyone how incredibly witty you are busting my chops.
Thank you and goodbye.
Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transistion?
That's a good question TW.
I'm not sure. That seems likely.
... You've gone out of your way to be snarky when you need not be. ... try to stick to the subject matter instead of trying to show everyone how incredibly witty you are busting my chops. ...
Look who's talking:
... my own transition is OUT of the US. ...
Americans ( or westerners ) don't understand it, don't agree with it, and don't support it but this is the new me. ... Despite the majority of the world's population trying to get IN to the US, I'm getting out. For good.
Slang you ignorant second worlder. You implied that not only all Americans; but, all westerners are too stupid to understand why someone raised here would rather live somewhere else. You further implied that no Americans (or westerners) agree with your moving out and that none of them support it. I'm not only happy an insolent pompous ass like you wanted to leave, I would have contributed to having you exported. I'm thrilled with the new you ... being somewhere else, for good. :eyebrow:
Other that that, Happy New Year to you and yours, good looking family. :celebrat:
Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?
I've known a few TG people in real life. One was very obvious, and continues to be. She has been supported by her employer and lives completely as a woman, but she does look very much like a man. Then again she didn't even begin her physical journey until she was into her 50s and I believe this makes a difference.
Another is as Shel describes, but from the opposite perspective. People assume he is gay and are surprised he has a girlfirend. Both of them have had to deal with some cold shoulders from the lesbian community who they once viewed as family. He for not feeling being a woman was good enough, she for "becoming" heterosexual for sticking by the person she loved regardless of changing gender.
Those are statements not questions of course.
My question is, if money had been no object, would you have transitioned sooner? Or was it cultural/ societal issues which held you back? Or did you simply start to make your changes when you were emotionally comfortable with doing so? That's not really three questions, because one answer will suffice :blush:
And is there any
good TG literature out there?
Fiction or memoirs written from an informed perspective have always helped me to understand different lifestyles more than any number of texts or documentaries. For example, although I can never really feel the impact of AIDs on the gay community, I have a heck of a lot more empathy since Derek Jarman's books sent me down a path of reading various (well-written) memoirs. It was another world which only ran parallel to the one I lived in at the time.
Is it reasonable to assume greatest threats (both in numbers and credibility) are from hetrosexual males?
Is that 'plight' overwhelmingly the most serious problem? Or do other plights of equivalent magnitude exist?
Yes, you may assume that.
No, I have problems of greater and lesser status. Life is fluid, so each item may change priorities without notice.
How has ending your posts with "Love Pam" worked for you?
For awhile after you introduced yourself, it was in almost every post ... which I found annoying. Now it's not as frequent. To me, a person doing such generally comes across as frivolous or disingenuous depending on their other personality traits. I don't consider it a positive attribute. In your case; however, it seems to be a technique for lowering barriers. Maybe it has even worked well enough for you to suggest it to others.
It works pretty well for me overall. You are the only person to even mention it.
I use it both as a way to allow my inner light to shine through as well as a reminder for me to be a more loving person, not the grouch that HE could be at times.
I am a dab hand at lowering barriers and getting people to converse and share rather than talk AT me or around me.
Love and coral lipstick lip prints!
LOL
Pamela
I get a lot of Trans questions through one of my part time jobs, which includes managing a web site for MtoF transsexuals to help them develope their female voice.
I can't count how many times people assuming I'm trans have asked me about my transition and how I adjusted to peeing, etc. :-)
Do please share this website with me. I have been looking for a site on that subject that is not blatant commercialism.
I guess my question would really be for your wife. I totally get loving the person you are, and that is irrelevant to gender. When it comes to sex and sexual attraction is that an issue for her? If so, in what ways are the two if you addressing it? I guess the question becomes more poignant if you have bottom surgery.
I was wondering when this one would come up.
It allows me to talk a little bit about a sore subject.
My beloved wife and life partner abandoned me for greener pastures in September but didn't tell me until the beginning of November. To me, sex is a nonissue and honestly, I don't miss it. She disagrees.
She has informed me (via email) that she intends to divorce me. No counseling, no therapy, no discussing it with me either. Just...gone.
And just like that, my entire life fell apart. I am trying to pick up the pieces but it has been very hard. I have lost my new family that I was just getting to know and like. I lost all my furkids too. She took three and left me with the rest to find homes for. Hardest thing I have ever done. I still cry over it. Luckily, I saved ONE. No one should be forced to choose between their children. NO ONE!!
Losing the house and property is taking longer but is inevitable. Soon, I will be reduced to living in my travel trailer. Perhaps this is a good thing. Keep me humble.
Getting back to the original question, sex is not important to me at all. The chemical cocktail that I take to suppress testosterone is powerful and causes chemical castration. It also frees me ffrom the male libido. You have NO idea how powerful that monster is! :D
She decided that sex IS important enough to her that she is not interested in me as a sex partner. She feels that she married a man and when that changed, she was short-changed and wanted to find someone more to her liking. This, I understand. I'm not fighting the divorce nor am I demanding spousal support (which I am entitled to by law). She can go try to find someone else. Good luck and good riddance.
I will cry about it on my therapist's shoulder, once I can afford to see her again.
No, don't apologise. This was going to come up sooner or later. I'm OK.
Pamela
That makes sense and I'll surely remember that.
I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them. If they are older or self confident they might smile to break my stare to which I'll smile back and make a little friendly small talk as if to say "oops, sorry about that". :)
Please don't stare at us.. We get self-conscious easily. :)
Why are you uncomfortable with some but not all?
Is it that they are less "passable" and you start thinking "man in a dress" rather than a late-blooming woman trying to overcome a medical handicap and discover her true self?
The smart ones will smile at you to let you know that they are aware of you. The ones who may be coming out for the first time in public may react by running away (we overreact a LOT in the beginning stages)
Remember, our new hormones are necessarily more powerful than the ones natal females get, resulting in a second puberty with all the attendant drama PLUS the difficulty of trying to shed the stigma and social disapproval. I have literally talked more than one of my sisters out of a closet or out from under a bed because of situations like that.
"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
She will appreciate you for it.
Love
Pamela
Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?
Yes, I can generally tell us from our cisgendered kin. After staring in the mirror at myself and noting all the shortcomings and differences, I have a practiced eye for the techniques that we use to blend in. I can usually (but not always) spot one of my sister's "tells". But it should be noted that they can also spot mine. Etiquette demands that I not notice and continue as normal. I do, however, offer the secret handshake and wink. LOL
Pamela
I've known a few TG people in real life. One was very obvious, and continues to be. She has been supported by her employer and lives completely as a woman, but she does look very much like a man. Then again she didn't even begin her physical journey until she was into her 50s and I believe this makes a difference.
Yes, it DOES make a difference when we begin later in life rather than early. The ones these days who begin pre-puberty have it the best; they will never have to go through the "wrong" puberty and suffer the physical changes.
Another is as Shel describes, but from the opposite perspective. People assume he is gay and are surprised he has a girlfirend. Both of them have had to deal with some cold shoulders from the lesbian community who they once viewed as family. He for not feeling being a woman was good enough, she for "becoming" heterosexual for sticking by the person she loved regardless of changing gender.
Those are statements not questions of course.
Obviously, I missed out on the recent gossip. I thought Shel was gay, too. You will have to fill me in. Fe-mail me! :D
My question is, if money had been no object, would you have transitioned sooner? Or was it cultural/ societal issues which held you back? Or did you simply start to make your changes when you were emotionally comfortable with doing so? That's not really three questions, because one answer will suffice :blush:
No one should transition before they are ready physically and emotionally. To do otherwise invites a negative outcome. I do regret not knowing what Gender Dysphoria was much earlier.
My first exposure to the greater trans-world out there was meeting MaggieL at RichLevy's BBQ so long ago. Until then, I thought I was the only person who felt like this. I felt like a freak, a pervert, a deviant. Once I knew that I wasn't alone and that there was a name for this, I had a direction to look in and research. My local library was not well-stocked in information on our condition, since little such existed at that time. These days, lots of information is a mere Googke search away. Kids have it GOOOOD!
And is there any good TG literature out there?
Fiction or memoirs written from an informed perspective have always helped me to understand different lifestyles more than any number of texts or documentaries. For example, although I can never really feel the impact of AIDs on the gay community, I have a heck of a lot more empathy since Derek Jarman's books sent me down a path of reading various (well-written) memoirs. It was another world which only ran parallel to the one I lived in at the time.
Sure. Try
this.
Or jump directly to the .
pdf and read.
Do please share this website with me. I have been looking for a site on that subject that is not blatant commercialism.
Hi Pamela. :) Here is the web site:
http://www.heartcorps.com/journeys/voice.htm
"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
Pamela, this has been a great thread, thank you so much for the insight. I'm very sorry about your family falling apart, hopefully you can organize your life the way you need it to be. I'm glad you're part of our community. G
Obviously, I missed out on the recent gossip. I thought Shel was gay, too. You will have to fill me in.
Sorry, it was awkward sentence structure on my part. I mean that I knew a F>M TG who people assumed was a gay man. Sheldon was born a gay man with the same package he has now!
Sent from my iPad using
TapatalkSorry, it was awkward sentence structure on my part. I mean that I knew a F>M TG who people assumed was a gay man. Sheldon was born a gay man with the same package he has now!
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Yup. Gay with the original plumbing. :D
does that make you a real OG?
does that make you a real OG?
And I take real OG whizzes. Lol
... I would like to know, would anyone here be interested in asking the tranny a question? ...
... I know that a lot of cisfolk (that's YOU) ...
Hmmmm, if transperson = tranny, that would mean cisfolk = ...
[SIZE="3"]HEY! Are you calling me a cissy?[/SIZE] :eyebrow:
if the Birkenstock fits....
I must admit, I don't like the term cis (cismale, cisfolk, cisfemale).
Which I realise is a little like someone with an ickle spot on the face complaining like a muthafucka to someone with head to toe eczema....but still :P
I don't like cis either.
I'm a woman.
Pamela is a woman because she identifies as such, except in threads like this where she discusses transgender issues in a way which I find very helpful. I've mentioned the transgender people I know because it's been germane to the conversation. I'd not bring it up if it wasn't.
Ibs never seemed to be 100% sure how she wanted to self-identify, but the last time she was around she was female, so that's how I remember her.
Mum still talks about some of the ladies she knew when she worked in the Ambulance Service as "the lesbians".
Such and such happened when she was on a certain shift with Sandra ("you know, one of the lesbians") :lol:
She's the same about the Asian family that live across the close. Bearing in mind that they're the Hussains she doesn't really need to add this in to conversation, but she does.
"Lovely family, the Hussains. Asians."
Then again she announces any calls I get from the Cellar by nationality.
"Someone called for you. American. Nice clear voice though."
Me as well?
Sent by thought transference
~snip~
Mum still talks about some of the ladies she knew when she worked in the Ambulance Service as "the lesbians".
Such and such happened when she was on a certain shift with Sandra ("you know, one of the lesbians") :lol:
~snip~
My mom used to give me messages like this: "Ummmmmmm...Scott called...IS HE THE GAY??!!" "Well, God, mom, I don't know if he's the gay...that's a lot of pressure on just one guy. He has to do the parade all by himself! 'I'm here! I'm queer!...I guess I'm the only one.' "
--Margaret Cho
Sorry, Limey.
You are one of the main reasons she's more polite on the phone these days.
I have talked you up in terms of how sensible, responsible and accomplished you are. Which you are. But because she was brought up in a time when people like her knew their place, she's a little intimidated.
A couple of months back I had a call which turned out just to be a marketing call. But she stage-whispered to me, "I think it might be [Limey]".
She's stopped telling my callers to piss off.
I'd like to think it's in case it's you.
Or maybe she's just scared you won't take me off her hands once a year if she annoys you!
My mom used to give me messages like this: "Ummmmmmm...Scott called...IS HE THE GAY??!!" "Well, God, mom, I don't know if he's the gay...that's a lot of pressure on just one guy. He has to do the parade all by himself! 'I'm here! I'm queer!...I guess I'm the only one.'
--Margaret Cho
Big gay haggis.
Big gay haggis.
Always fun on Burn's night.
What?
Sundae, I identify as female too.
Trouble is, to most people, I am NOT just a girl because I say so. I'm that (insert derogatory slang term here). We tend to hang out in bunches when we go out for many reasons, protection is one of them. Many times, we are used as a joke or as comic relief. To a lot of men, we're just some kind of exotic treat for their oversexed libido. But we're rarely "just women" unless we have "passed" read: fooled them.
We have insider terms too. Our own language even. "cis" anything is simply a way to refer to anyone or anything that is not part of our world. It is not derogatory at all. I meant no offense.
Labels, however much we hate them, are an inevitable part of the human experience.
Oh, Pam, I wasn't offended. I just dislike the term. I'm not in the least bit offended by someone using it about me.
I just think it's an ugly word/prefix. Kind of clinical and reductive (obviously - that's the point of labels :p). Truly though, I'm not sure there's a better word to use in a conversation that necessarily draws a distinction between the two different experiences of gender.
Thanks Sheldon but I was thinking more like this:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjqsB1huDxg[/YOUTUBE]
Re: what not to say ...
I have a standard remark for M-to-F ...
"So, when you started the hormones did you lose the ability to parallel park?" Usually breaks the ice pretty effectively.
Don't try this at home. I'm an experienced mental health professional.
On a more serious note ... a while back at work we admitted a Transgendered patient. I was told that I would be handling the admission because I have displayed cultural competence. Yes. Those words were used.
...because I have displayed cultural competence.
Hmm. Do they know you lean conservative?
Is that relevant if she has displayed "cultural competence" (by which I understand, among other things, tolerance).
Wolves are generally lean in the Winter.
Not sure about Wolfs.
We do seem to cause conundrums and consternation no matter where we go.
So much fuss over a little thing like a penis that no one even SEES! :)
Darnit, that video STILL didn't post right. Third time's the charm!
I must have posted the entire URL again.
[YOUTUBE]DjqsB1huDxg[/YOUTUBE]
How long is this stage of your transformation going to last?
At what point do we say RIP Brian; or, do we ever?
I am at that awkward stage.
Living authentically but not fooling anyone. :D
I expect it to last another two years. One to wend my way through the Byzantine and bigoted Texas court system to change my ID and another to lose enough weight to qualify for surgery.
After that, if you call me Brian, I will stab you in the eye.
I am at that awkward stage.
Living authentically but not fooling anyone. :D ...
After that, if you call me Brian, I will stab you in the eye.
No need to stab me in the eye, friend. You've taught me much here in this thread.
It's unlikely that I'll see you again in real life but for those following the same path, I'll surely grant them respect and sensitivity as I meet them.
And have an understanding of the whole process that I would not have if not for knowing you.
Little hinges swing big doors.
Why, that was a very nice thing to say, slang! I really appreciate it and I'm glad you learned something. My brothers and sisters in PI will thank you.
And I was ony joking about stabbing. :D
Does anyone else have any questions or thoughts?
I can't believe you all are letting this precious opportunity to get inside the head of a TS safely go by! There is so much I can share! Can you tell that my support channel is slow right now? LOL
OH, if UT doesn't mind, my channel is on IRC, irc.bondage.com channel name is #Transgender_Cafe. I can often be found there in the evenings. I have friends there too, if you just want to chat or ask something.
I know it's in your genes/head, pre-programed and all that, but for the life of me I can't figure out why you'd want to subject yourself to all the shit chicks suffer. You've got bigger balls than me, Pam, I'm in awe. :notworthy
What questions do you think we should have/be asking, Pamela? What would you like us to ask? What do you feel we should know but don't feel comfortable telling us until we ask?
It's a case of unknown unknowns... :)
[YOUTUBE]GiPe1OiKQuk[/YOUTUBE]
The picture I posted last night is gone. Maybe I was dreaming. :bonk:
That's a cool campaign. I wonder if they really go a whole mile in those things...
Never mind walking in them, try dancing in them. Backwards. :rolleyes:
I know it's in your genes/head, pre-programed and all that, but for the life of me I can't figure out why you'd want to subject yourself to all the shit chicks suffer. You've got bigger balls than me, Pam, I'm in awe. :notworthy
Ah yes, male privilege. They get to wear anything, not shave, "do" their nails with a pocketknife, etc
I won't say that I don't miss that, but I do. But chicks get lazy too. We just are more circumspect about it.
I don't wear uncomfortable clothes. But you'd be surprised how comfortable most of our clothes are, once you get used to the different sensations. The hormones really woke up my skin. Suddenly, it felt alive! And it began transmitting everything! Shirts that used to be soft and comfy suddenly were scratchy and stiff. Even the sensation of air passing over it began to register more than before. Might be the lack of hair, might be the new conductivity, I dunno. But I can feel EVERYTHING! And I *like* it!
I'm not entirely convinced you're speaking for the majority of women there.
What questions do you think we should have/be asking, Pamela? What would you like us to ask? What do you feel we should know but don't feel comfortable telling us until we ask?
Good question there. I have no idea. I don't want to just prattle on, basically blogging here in a forum about whatever enters my head. There are appropriate places for that.
But I imagine that if I could get inside the head of, say, a serial killer, I would really wonder what makes it tick.
I can say that I get a lot of questions in my support group regarding tips/tricks and "how do you really know..." stuff. But those are usually from beginners in our world.
Let me try this; I will relate a short story.
One of the most important days in my life. Let me take you back in time, way back to the day of Rick Levy's BBQ when he lived in Springfield. I forget the date but it had to be early 90s or late 80s.
That was the day I met MaggieL and her then partner. Suddenly, I realized that I was not alone, that I was not a freak, that there was a name for the feelings I had and that there was a way to make it all right. I wish that I had talked to her more that day but... We still talk once a year or so.
A lot more had to happen before I was willing to admit that we had the same condition. But that was the game-changer. But for that chance meeting, I would probably have gone to an early grave never knowing who I really was or that it didn't have to be that way.
This is why I run the support room. And why I go out of my way to talk to others like me. Because you never know when someone else might be having that same epiphany.
I'm not leading you in any way. Nor do I have secret talking points or a particular story to tell. I am simply surprised that no one has anything more than superficial questions. Maybe I'm just overly inquisitive, but I would want to know as much as I could find out!
Monnie, I'm not. I am only speaking for myself. YMMV.
I won't call you Brian if you don't call me Monnie ;)
I think maybe you would get more questions in a real room full of random people. we're kind of self -selecting here in that we are curious people and generally pretty schmart/ejumacated and if we had questions to ask, we've probably already asked them of you or Erica or whoever prompted the question to pop up. And we're also pretty accepting in the main (back to the self-selection thing).
As for the "woman thing" I think it probably just annoys me in they way reformed smoker/drug addicts/born-agains can irritate those who always walked that path. All the equality things we fight for (sometimes) ....like being accepted as a human being whether we choose to wear pants or shave our pits or not ...oh bleugh...
Bleugh my post vanished.
I think you may get more questions in a room of random people. We are pretty self-selecting and are generally a schmart and ejumacated group. if we had questions, we've already asked them of you or Erica or whoever prompted the question to pop up.
As for the womanly thing, I think it annoys me in the same way reformed druggies and born-agains annoy those who've always walked the path. And embracing differences that shouldn't be -like why can't a woman choose not to shave her pits? It's like a step backwards for some. Bah.
and then it returned! I give up and leave both. what in the hell do I know anyway
Just because you stutter doesn't mean you're wrong. :lol2:
Pamela,
Glad you found the happiness you had long been searching for in your life. I know that you weren't completely 'happy' when we were together - and I'm thinking this may be part of the reason why.
While I never wish anyone pain or heartache, I can say truly that I identify with what your wife is feeling - while physical relations is not 'everything' to a relationship - it is a big part of keeping one strong. So, I ask that you cut her a wee bit of slack on that feeling. (Although how she handled it, not exactly the best and grown up way to do so).
May your future bring you what you want and what you deserve - happiness - just like everyone else.
Warmly -
Kellie
Dags! Long time no see!
Good to have you back x
Fuck me sideways! It's Dag!
Lovely to see you :)
Yep - it's me - I hide a lot - but I'm around :)
Dags! Long time no see!
Good to have you back x
Fuck me sideways! It's Dag!
Lovely to see you :)
That's just what I thought earlier!
Hello Dagney. How nice to see you again. We've missed you around here.
Love
Pam
Thanks everyone - won't hijack Pamela's thread - but will update folks later :)
Ya'll behave!
The Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini approved.
Gender change operations are legal in Iran according to a fatwa - or religious ruling - pronounced by the late Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, spiritual leader of the 1979 Islamic revolution. The law contrasts with the strict rules governing sexual morality under the country's Sharia legal code, which forbids homosexuality and pre-marital sex.
Interesting... From the comments:
I read an article about the sex reassignment surgeries in Iran a few years ago. The word does not mean the same thing there as it means here in the west. I'm sure the western style operations are available for the wealthy, but often sex change only means the removal of male genitalia with no hormone treatment. This explains why statistically Iranian surgeons outperform everyone else so massively in this field. Also, the patients are often gay men who are more or less forced to undergo the operation by their families, against their own wishes. Castrated and forced to live as a woman in Iran? A living nightmare if there ever was one.
Hey Dana, there's another chapter for a book in here, about equating "no penis" with "being female."
Transitioning or not? From the people I know, he is definitely making the transition although he and his family deny it.
To me, I'd have to say I believe Bruce (Jenner) is changing:
Old news. I've seen her at the meetings but I am not allowed to say anything.
Old news. I've seen her at the meetings but I am not allowed to say anything.
Not allowed or just don't comment out of respect for her privacy?
Do you still drive semi-truck? How is that working out for you? If you are still driving, what's the biggest change in your routine?
I can't remember if you were pro ccw or not. Pro gun IIRC. Do you carry a piece now? Not a bad idea now days will all these <sarcasm> simpleton right wing Limbaugh/Hannity hate crazies running around.</sarcasm>
Oh, here's another one. Are you more likely to vote Dem now? That sounds funny but I'm curious. :blush: I would guess that you're MUCH more likely to lean Dem.
How do you think of your previous life? There must be memories that you still think back on fondly. Or not? All of your experiences could not have been uncomfortable through the years (hopefully not ).
Do you ever get mad and call people fucking assholes? Out loud? When they deserve it.
Do you think about getting married? Do you think about having kids or adopting them? How might you be a better parent than a traditional mother? What might your weakness be in your opinion in raising kids?
Is it easier for you to cry now? Are there specific things that make you cry now that did not previously? During the past year, there have been
many times that I'd like to cry just to release but have been unable to. The more intensely sad or difficult that life gets the more detached I become.
I'll try to think of more questions because you're right, this is a great opportunity to ask almost any question and get your honest answer here. Many of the questions are sensitive here so thanks in advance for the answers you
choose to give.
Not allowed or just don't comment out of respect for her privacy?
We have the rule to protect privacy. ;)
Do you still drive semi-truck? How is that working out for you? If you are still driving, what's the biggest change in your routine?
Yes I do still drive a semi. It's still working out okay, mostly. There really aren't any major changes in my routine. Nor do I expect there to be any.
I can't remember if you were pro ccw or not. Pro gun IIRC. Do you carry a piece now? Not a bad idea now days will all these <sarcasm> simpleton right wing Limbaugh/Hannity hate crazies running around.</sarcasm>
I am pro Second Amendment and pro-ccw. Always have been. Always will be. It is against company policy for me to carry a weapon of any kind on the truck. It may or may not be legal in various jurisdictions that I may pass through. At home, I may or may not carry. That will have to be my secret. :)
Oh, here's another one. Are you more likely to vote Dem now? That sounds funny but I'm curious. :blush: I would guess that you're MUCH more likely to lean Dem.
It's OK. You can ask. You have guessed wrongly however. I do NOT intend to vote Democrat at this time. There are far greater issues at stake in the elections than my own narrow self-interest. I am, however, more likely to support LGBT legislation.
How do you think of your previous life? There must be memories that you still think back on fondly. Or not? All of your experiences could not have been uncomfortable through the years (hopefully not ).
I think of my male life as a kind of purgatory. Sure, I have some fond memories. Fewer than most, but some. Some of my happiest memories involve childhood prior to "that age" when gender becomes more important. All young children are pretty much the same until, say, five. Until then, boys are taken into the ladies' room by their mothers and no one bats an eye. After that, they have to venture into the men's room, either with a male family member or alone. Gender segregation begins to indoctrinate at that time and my memories get darker and less happy.
Do you ever get mad and call people fucking assholes? Out loud? When they deserve it.
I have never quite learned to shut the hell up. Gets me into trouble from time to time. I don't shout though. I tend to mutter under my breath. I do go home and throw temper tantrums sometimes. Helps to let it out when no one can hear me.
Do you think about getting married? Do you think about having kids or adopting them? How might you be a better parent than a traditional mother? What might your weakness be in your opinion in raising kids?
I think about it all the time. My one true regret is not being able to bear children. Adoption is, sadly, unlikely in this political climate. It might be possible for me to marry a single parent and adopt THEIR children, but it's not really likely. The last spouse has pretty much soured me on ever allowing anyone to get that close to me again. I do not trust easily.
Is it easier for you to cry now? Are there specific things that make you cry now that did not previously? During the past year, there have been many times that I'd like to cry just to release but have been unable to. The more intensely sad or difficult that life gets the more detached I become.
Yes I cry much more easily now. It seems to come naturally. I cry at all kinds of things that never used to affect me at all. Like the big romance scene in Ghost. Makes me cry EVERY time. You can cry. You have simply been trained not to show emotions. As I was.
Let it out! :) A good cry makes me feel a lot better.
I'll try to think of more questions because you're right, this is a great opportunity to ask almost any question and get your honest answer here. Many of the questions are sensitive here so thanks in advance for the answers you choose to give.
My pleasure. Those were great questions!
Allow me to explain one other thing which you did not ask.
I have the emotions of a fifteen year-old girl. Everything seems like a huge, dramatic deal. It comes of the higher than normal doses of hormones that I take. I therefore tend to throw hissy fits for nothing and temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. However, I do get to keep my wisdom and sense of propriety, so I usually simmer down to normal again within a few minutes.
I was trained, as I said earlier, not to show emotions. "Boys don't cry" and all that rubbish. So I am somewhat unprepared for all the new and unfamiliar emotions that are now having their way with my psyche. Natal females get to learn to deal with this by following their mother's example and learning on their own throughout adolescence. I didn't get that background. So I am trying to make up for lost time by forcing myself to learn faster than normal. There is some detriment to that, my therapist says. However, real life tends to force such actions anyway. I just don't have the time to go through puberty again!
Especially since once I am post-op, I will get to smash straight into menopause with no intervening years to "season".
We do not call it The Roller Coaster Ride for no reason!
Keep em coming! That was exactly what I had in mind!
Love
Pam
You can cry. You have simply been trained not to show emotions. As I was.
Surely you cry more now because of the hormone treatments, and not because you "allow" yourself permission to cry?
Surely you cry more now because of the hormone treatments, and not because you "allow" yourself permission to cry?
Don't call her Shirley. :-)
I was taught not to cry, too.
My only "good" cries come from books, films, adverts etc. Because that was allowed. East End sentimentality, like having a sing-song around the old Joanna.
Now this question will sound really random, but have hormone treatments changed your sense of smell or taste? There is a background to my question; it's something I've heard from women on HRT. But tastes and sense of smell change with age too, so it would be interesting to have your perspective. Just don't say you eat more berries now, or you'll make Dani very cross...
Slang ... Pamela taught me to shoot, in case you were wondering.
Slang ... Pamela taught me to shoot, in case you were wondering.
That's great. Then both of you are a step ahead of me as I'm not a real shooter, but an enthusiast and amendment supporter.
Sidenote: Did you know that Richman508 died? Heart attack, July4-2012. 53 yo.
Anyway, thanks for the replies Pamela.
Asking the questions that pop into my head is often risky as they may seem offensive or overly personal. Or just stupid. :blush:
I was taught not to cry, too.
My only "good" cries come from books, films, adverts etc. Because that was allowed. East End sentimentality, like having a sing-song around the old Joanna.
Now this question will sound really random, but have hormone treatments changed your sense of smell or taste? There is a background to my question; it's something I've heard from women on HRT. But tastes and sense of smell change with age too, so it would be interesting to have your perspective. Just don't say you eat more berries now, or you'll make Dani very cross...
I honestly cannot say that my senses of smell and taste changed from HRT as much as giving up the cowboy killers almost five years ago. THAT has made me smell and taste so much more!
And I cry more often both because I now have "permission" as well as the change in hormone balance.
Will the hormones give you woman's intuition?
I have the emotions of a fifteen year-old girl. Everything seems like a huge, dramatic deal. It comes of the higher than normal doses of hormones that I take. I therefore tend to throw hissy fits for nothing and temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. However, I do get to keep my wisdom and sense of propriety, so I usually simmer down to normal again within a few minutes.
Or a woman on pms. :bolt:
Yes I do still drive a semi. It's still working out okay, mostly. There really aren't any major changes in my routine. Nor do I expect there to be any.
A truck driver seems like a great occupation for a transperson. I mean, for the most part you have your own space which seems like a great situation to have.
Would you agree? What other job might be popular with transpersons? How about difficult for same?
An office job of some sort I'd imagine.
It's OK. You can ask. You have guessed wrongly however. I do NOT intend to vote Democrat at this time. There are far greater issues at stake in the elections than my own narrow self-interest. I am, however, more likely to support LGBT legislation.
That's good to know and is surprising.
I have never quite learned to shut the hell up. Gets me into trouble from time to time. I don't shout though. I tend to mutter under my breath. I do go home and throw temper tantrums sometimes. Helps to let it out when no one can hear me.
Shout therapy inside a closed semi cab could be productive. And pretty safe. Another benefit of that job.
I both agree and disagee. Trucking in general is areally rough occupation. It's more of a lifestyle than an actual job. I think I once did a thread on this subject.
Yes, there are jobs and most employers don't really care as long as you can drive well and safely. Which I can. Howeber, it's also hard in that we don't get home much to see our doctors as often as hey would like, prescription refills are problematic at best and my fellow truckers can sometimes be a tad transphobic, resulting in assaults, name-calling and even truck sabotage. No, I haven't been assaulted or sabotaged, but I *have* been called names.
Some employers will even go so far as to say that they are afraid of upsetting customers and refusing to dispatch us, or so I have heard from my sisters out here, although I have yet to have this problem.
But on th eplus side, I can say that I get lots of time to sing aloud and practice my voice lessons. Girly time is unusual, so I have to skip my monthly pampering session at the spa, my mani/pedi and a few other pleaasures. But, overall, if you need a job and you can get a CDL, this will suffice at least until you are ready for surgery. You can save a lot of money if you don't maintain a residence.
Other popular jobs for us might be nurse/CNA/EMT, office worker, warehouse worker. Really, we can do anything that is required of us. We're just like everyone else, gender aside. Finding and keeping employment, on the other hand, can be an issue. We are vastly un- and under-employed due to transphobia/bias. This is why I always support ENDA, even though we keep being left off at the very end. That legislation has been introduced fifteen times and shot down or lost in committee fifteen times, at both state and federal levels. NY almost passed it this past season. Almost.
Read
this for more history on ENDA.
I like my job, but I must say it's not for everyone. Neither is transitioning. As we say among ourselves, "Transition ain't for sissies!" The life I lead is difficult and frustrating. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But there are rewarding moments here and there too.
I have personally saved two beautiful lives by simply listening. That's worth the price of admission right there. I am working on two more. I consider this to be my mission in life and one day I would love to go to college and earn a psych degree so I can better help my brothers and sisters.
I will also say that the EEOC has been consistently interpreting Title VII to include gender protections and has won several cases, establishing that as precedent. But it's not the same as explicit law.
One of the reasons ENDA gets denied is that the Congresscritters claim that Title VII already covers discrimination. However, case law up until recently has shown that it does NOT cover us because we aren't directly mentioned. So there will likely be a need for Congress to pass ENDA just to make it clear that we are not to be discriminated against too. And possibly even a US Supreme Court decision in our favor just to cement the deal.
In the meantime, I am doing everything I can to help the cause. Part of the discrimination is simply misinformation. Take, for example, the recent law in CA that allows TG childred to use the restrooms/locker rooms that correspond to their true gender, rather than their biological gender.
Reactionary right wingers opposed to this have been hysterically predicting that boys would be invading the girls' bathrooms and assaulting them left and right, although this has NEVER happened and likely will not, unless some boy is influenced by his bigot parents or others in his life to do so.
The truth of the matter is, the only way a biologic male gets to use female facilities is if they are truly TG, complete with a note from a trained doctor or therapist who is treating the child that such actions are indeed appropriate. No switching back and forth allowed.
And that's just a part of what we face daily. This is why I am hot on educating and outreach to the straight community. If they knew the truth, it's likely that we would find much more support.
[gets off soapbox]
How do you define your sexuality at the moment?
How do you define your sexuality at the moment?
Unix. I can work with any platform.
No switching back and forth allowed.
I have to ask ... why would you deny switching back and forth?
Do you think that each of us has a hard-wired sexuality, no matter what his or her phenotype? Why or why not? Can this ever change? If not, why not? Why would switching back and forth not be allowed?
The switching that I referred to is not related to sexuality but to gender presentation.
To wit, a boy could "feel like a girl" on any given day and expect to use the girls' room, then switch back to "feeling like a boy" the next day. We do not, as a rule, feel one way then the other. The rule is "persistant feelings". We know who and what we are, usually from an early age. That argument is bein advanced by persons fearful that they or the ones they care for might be assaulted by a transperson in the restroom. I speak here strictly of MtFs as no one really thinks that an FtM might assault some guy in the boys' room.
Our sexuality. Hmmm. Well, it's different for each of us so I can only speeak to my own.
It's hard to define since I am basically neutered right now chemically anyway so my usual method of turning on is gone. I'm relearning to do it the girl way. Unfortunately, there is an appalling lack of men upon whom to practice my feminine wiles, not to mention explore sex and social interactions.
I might sum it up the way tw did. I consider myself bi atm, subject to change.
Thanks, I did just mean you personally, atm, sorry if that was too intrusive
nope. It's a common question, really. No offense taken.
That argument is bein advanced by persons fearful that they or the ones they care for might be assaulted by a transperson in the restroom.
No, I think the fear is some pervert with a dress, claiming to be a transperson, to justify being in the opposite gender toilet. There used to be a quick and easy way to determine where they should be. Now there's not. Life used to be difficult for the trans now they're succeeded in making it difficult for everyone... except the shoot on sight rednecks.
Those rednecks worry me.
As for perverts in a dress, the usual laws against assault and rape and such still apply, no?
if they re going to go after women in the restroom, and ignore those laws, will they truly be stopped by a gender only sign? And would they really bother finding a dress that fits, never mind one that goes with their shoes! They could go in wearing men's clothes after all.
The fact that these laws already exist in many states and not one instance of a "man in a dress" assault has been recorded tends to be ignored in the hysterical ranting to preserve the status quo.
The assault and rape, yes, but we must protect the virtue of our fair maidens from those scornful peeping toms.
Or, that pussy costs me a damn fortune, as in an arm and a leg fortune, and I don't want nobody looking at it for free. ;)
Hang on, if you're dating women that are showing their lady gardens outside of the locked cubicles in Ladies toilets... Well, you're doing it wrong :p:
Date me instead.
I only get my bits out in front of someone else when I fancy a bit.
As for perverts in a dress, the usual laws against assault and rape and such still apply, no?
.
yes but we'd like to prevent rather than punish If they're seen entering the restroom, it might be by someone other than the intended victim, someone who can do something in time. But if it's ok for them to enter...... It may seems like a lot of effort but there are some sick, sick men out there and it has happened. maybe by known attackers out for some sort of revenge. But date and marital rape are still rape.
Hang on, if you're dating women that are showing their lady gardens outside of the locked cubicles in Ladies toilets... Well, you're doing it wrong :p:
Evidently your "locked cubicles" are much different than ours, which aren't that difficult to see over, under and through the seams.
I do believe there are laws against peeping, too.
We just need to go potty, same as any other woman. I know, academically, what you are probaby doing in there, but I do NOT wish to confirm this.
I may be a pervert, but I am not THAT kind of pervert.
Yeah, but the men's room has locked stalls too, what's wrong with peeing there? Uncomfortable with the attention, and possibly danger, of entering the men's room in a dress? What makes you think women, and their waiting outside menfolk, don't feel the same way about you entering the women's room.
First of all 90%(made up internet number) of the public doesn't know what you're about, but think it's pretty strange, probably perverted, and surely sinful. That's what this thread is about, education... right?
But for the other 10%(made up too) who do understand, there's still the problem of the perverts using you as a cover story to do their naughty stuff. My experience is even out and out brazen hussies don't like to be spied upon when the are peeing or picking their nose. ;)
Got to say - if I saw a man in a dress entering the ladies room, I'd just assume this was someone transitioning. Wouldn't bother me none.
P;enty of places these days have unisex toilets. Don't really understand why people get so het up over it.
Um, Dr Dana, you're hardly a normal person. ;)
Aren't the unisex toilets one at a time?
Cubicles are one at a time, unless you're in Cinderella Rockafellas in Dunstable at 02.00....
But the actual toilets are unisex. Unless you are an actual preevert then the most exciting thing you get to see is someone washing their nekkid hands.
Many places with unisex toilets have the same sort of door-free entry as swimming pool changing rooms. You have to go round the corner so there's no direct line of sight but no germy door either.
"Family" restrooms, as a third option in addition to the standard men's & women's, are also becoming more popular. Most of the time they are single-use, in a room big enough for a stroller and a bench.
Yes, I've seem them, they usually have a baby changing facility. Mom and Dad can both go while handing the kids back and forth.
The future looks good, Pam... :D
A new book.
As transgender people strive to gain more acceptance and legal protections, they will soon have a hefty new resource to assist them — a 672-page book, written by scores of transgender contributors, that encompasses social history, gender politics and wide-ranging advice on health, law, relationships and many other matters.
Encyclopedic in scope, conversational in tone, and candid about complex sexual issues, the Oxford University Press book being released in mid-May is titled "Trans Bodies, Trans Selves" — a deliberate echo of a pioneering feminist health-resource book, "Our Bodies, Ourselves" that appeared more than 40 years ago.
Aside
At the link above is a picture of three of the contributors, Jack Pula, chairperson of the transgender committee of the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists; Tiq Milan, a media strategist at GLAAD, and Cecilia Gentili, a program coordinator and consultant on transgender issues.
Why the fuck is Gentili making that stupid duck face? It really makes me doubt her ability and intelligence. :eyebrow:
As for perverts in a dress, the usual laws against assault and rape and such still apply, no?
I do believe there are laws against peeping, too.
Yes, and they're obviously working. No one's been raped in, what, 15 minutes now?[/sarcasm]
There is a strand of feminism that is disturbingly anti-trans.
Really, must be that long hair leaves loose unruly strands, thanks Dana.
There really is a militant feminist sect out there that basically hates on us late bloomers. They are gadflies, really. I am more nervous about the Christians. The Baptists recently officially
decided that we as a group are Bad People.
I find that there are a few dangerous people who use Church doctrine as a shield to excuse their own violent urges. I had to fight off an attempt to injure me by two people in a pickup truck (with the fish emblem and Christian bumper stickers) who tried to ram me and force me off the road. Luckily, I am a far better driver than they were and evaded them. Cause, you know, Jesus
hates trannies.
I find that there are a few dangerous people who use Church doctrine as a shield to excuse their own violent urges. I had to fight off an attempt to injure me by two people in a pickup truck (with the fish emblem and Christian bumper stickers) who tried to ram me and force me off the road. Luckily, I am a far better driver than they were and evaded them. Cause, you know, Jesus hates trannies.
Fucking bastards.
And ridiculous too, cus every picture I've ever seen of Jesus has him in a dress :p
The militant feminists who take issue with trans women are a pain in the arse, but they're highly unlikely to beat anybody up.
The militant feminists who take issue with trans women are a pain in the arse, but they're highly unlikely to beat anybody up.
Granted. But there's more than one way to damage someone.
Oh, I don't doubt it. Not the least of which is making it more difficult for trans women to participate in feminist activism and draw on the support of other women.
Too much hating in the world, don't you think?
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk
Too much hating in the world, don't you think?
Oh, I hate that. ;)
Looks pretty successful to me, at least on the outside.
http://imgur.com/a/f5xnoPronouns confuse me in this context. Can you give me any widely acceptable terms to use? "Transperson" does not fall trippingly from the tongue.
Certainly. Please use the pronouns that correspond to the gender that the person in question is presenting to you, even if you aren't "fooled". If still in doubt, it is not offensive to simply ask "What pronouns do you prefer?"
Great question.
Hi Pam
Thanks for answering my question so directly. That's a good, easy to follow suggestion. However, like all rules, there's an exception that makes it impossible to follow.
Look at this story here.
Dan Savage, a gay man, articulate, involved, knowledgeable and native English speaker tripped on this very problem: how to us third person pronouns.
In addition to having a singular and a plural case, you may have already noticed that the third person has genders and a neuter category.
Third Person
(singular)
Subjective Case
he (masculine)
she (feminine)
it (neuter)
Objective Case
him (masculine)
her (feminine)
it (neuter)
Possessive Case
his/his (masculine)
her/hers (feminine)
its/its (neuter)
- See more at: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/first-second-and-third-person?page=2#sthash.KJRP2HRw.dpuf
When I asked you my question, I was trying to clarify which gender to use. I would *never* have thought to use the neuter category "it". To me, that would be intentionally derogatory. Read the story and and read the comments. The range of points of view is vast. The comments are especially interesting. It's impossible to say anything of substance without running the risk of offending someone, somewhere (
Redskins anyone?). While I may offend someone, it's probably due to ignorance than to malice. What a minefield...
Agreed, BigV. I dislike those of us who try to manipulate language like that.
This should not be so difficult to figure out. I find straight people stumbling over words that any first grader can use mor eoffensive than anything. I appear female, use female pronouns. I find the neuter case offensive because it dehumanies the person. And anyone trying to get you to use it to refer to any human being is being a total jackass and you may quote me. Apologies to all jackasses who may be offended by having their name used to describe such humans.
I do not hold with trying to create a third (or more) gender. There are two. That's it. This is why I feel that we need labels, however annoying they are.
In my presence, I am 'she'. You all also have permission to call me tranny. I have developed quite a thick hide whhile transitioning. I react less to the word and more to the meaning behind the use of the word. Calling me tranny as a contraction or for short. Transsexual IS a long word. And awkward. But, saying "You trannies all make me sick!" THAT I dislike.
See the difference?
Nice try to stump me, V. :) But us Grammar Nazis don't go down easily!
... This is why I feel that we need labels, however annoying they are. ...
I was wondering about another aspect of that. We don't say Same Sex Oriented and add a qualifier MtM or FtF, we say Gay or Lesbian. Why are we stuck using MtF and FtM qualifiers with Transsexuals instead of having separate names? Is it due to a lack of consensus? Obviously, my exposure to the dialect occurs mainly here.
Labels, labels. We haven't agreed on new names. Just go with our given names, appropriate pronouns and a compliment or three. :D
"Ask the Transperson"
hm.. ok, phrasing my post as a question, a la Jeopardy, Pamela, have you heard of this story from the
Western Washington Council of the Girl Scouts?
A donor gave $100,000 to the Girl Scouts to exclude 1 group of girls. They gave it right back.
By Parker Molloy
Earlier this year, a generous donor gave $100,000 to the Girl Scouts of Western Washington.
According to the Seattle Met, that was almost a quarter of the council's fundraising goal for the entire year. This was a big deal.
Unfortunately, the donation came with one very big catch: The Girl Scouts had to promise that the money would NOT be used to support transgender girls.
"Please guarantee that our gift will not be used to support transgender girls," read the message. "If you can't, please return the money."
Wait, what!?
As a national organization, Girl Scouts has been explicitly inclusive in their messaging about trans members.
Earlier this year, the Girl Scouts made clear that they support trans girls:
[QUOTE]"Girl Scouts is proud to be the premiere leadership organization for girls in the country. Placement of transgender youth is handled on a case-by-case basis, with the welfare and best interests of the child and the members of the troop/group in question a top priority. That said, if the child is recognized by the family and school/community as a girl and lives culturally as a girl, then Girl Scouts is an organization that can serve her in a setting that is both emotionally and physically safe."
[/QUOTE]
Way to go, Girl Scouts!
I heartily agree!
In reality, it's the ladies that show the way.
Yes, I have.
Or was I supposed to answer as a question? ;)
I have to agree, only because donations should not come with strings. Either you donate to Girl Scouts or you do not. One doesn't get to donate to only SOME Girl Scouts.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I love it Where can I buy me one of those? (starts Googling)
The Struggle to Change Your Gender While Keeping Your Job
Many of the 700,000 transgender people in the U.S. are forced to make careful calculations about what to say—and how to look—at work
At
Bloomberg.
This is a very familiar story, one I hear from most every employed (or recently UNemployed) transperson I have ever met.
I, myself, have not announced my transition at work and still present male for fer of losing my job and likely my career, as employer referrals are critical for changing jobs.
My hope is to retrain for another career path after surgery and before reentering the workforce. That way I do not have to go back to trucking and explain my new appearance to people who knew me as a male.
All of that linked article is very true. It never ceases to amaze me how many people feel entitled to the most intimate details of my life and body once my trans status is revealed or discovered. Sometimes I want to scream and carry on. Then I remind myself that Calpernia Addams covered this in a great if snarky youtube video. See post #61 for the video.
Love
Pam
The following article is from our local (progressive) newspaper about a 5th Grade teacher at a local school.
It some ideas we may not be familiar with and the diversity among us.
theythemtheir
Portland Tribute - Caitilin Feldman - 8/18/15
Editor's note:
In this story, "they," "them" and "their" have been used as singular, gender-neutral pronouns
in regard to Leo Soell. We made this decision to stay true to Soell's gender-neutral identity.
Transgender teacher living 'authentic' life after cancer battle
Identifying along the spectrum, outside the boxes of “male” or “female,”
means that Soell also doesn’t identify with “he” or “she.”
Soell prefers the pronoun “they,” a linguistic transition they began implementing
two years ago with close friends, and last February with the world.
During this time, they also worked with doctors at Tualatin’s Legacy Meridian Park Medical Center,
who played a vital role in their gender identity transition.
“Some people might argue, ‘Why don’t you just use “he?” It’s masculine,’” Soell said.
“But ‘they’ continuously points to the fact that the language is not inclusive.”
By definition, “they” can mean a group of people or a single person of unspecified gender,
but the language has whittled away at the latter meaning.
Using “they” as a singular pronoun sets off grammar alarms in many people’s brains,
including Soell’s, when they first begin changing pronouns.
<snip>
Seems rather short sighted as those pronouns don't carry over to the Romance languages as gender neutral. Not even "other" (i.e. male, female, other) works in that respect nor does "it".
Most adequately descriptive words are either too long for use as pronouns; or, lose the allusion to people.
Someone will probably have to pronoun a single syllable name that at some point was associated with nonspecific gender to be widely accepted.
Submitted for your approval is "chaz". Your next stop, the PC Zone.
During this time, chaz also worked with doctors at Tualatin’s Legacy Meridian Park Medical Center,
who played a vital role in chaz gender identity transition.
FIFC
Argument being bounced around several sites, I brought it in it's
entirety.
A cis person playing a trans role in “the Danish girl” is transphobia? So what should it have been? A trans actress who has already transitioned should act as a cis man for months of filming triggering her dysphoria because of social justice? Or a trans actress who hasn’t transitioned should be outed when she’s not comfortable with that yet? Sorry but when a movie is showing a transition story, using a cis person is just logical.
Please lgbt community, keep boycotting all the attempts to bring your stories to the mainstream media because they aren’t perfect in every way… the bigots don’t even have to do any work these days.
cottonkandymisogynist:It is transphobic because
1. Trans people were not involved in the writing or casting in both
2. Trans people did audition for the films but they were passed over! To hire well known cis actors!!! Trans people were denied a role that would’ve launched a mainstream career! This is hard economic discrimination !!!!!
^^^^^^^trans people wanted to play these roles!!!!^^^^^^^ main point!
3. Not every trans person is dysphoric. Lots-LOTS- would be happy to be part of a big screen release telling trans stories (Laverne Cox!)
4. Fuck off if you’re not trans. Trans people say it’s transphobic to elevate cis actors while Trans people are denied the rare role specifically for them.
5. Cis people are making money off trans stories It’s transphobic and commodifies the suffering of minorities
6. TRANS PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY DENIED THE OPPORTUNITY TO TELL THEIR STORIES GREEN LIGHTING CIS PEOPLE TO TELL TRANS STORIES IS TRANSPHOBIC.
REPEAT cis people making money off of Trans people being discriminated against in the movie industry is transphobic and shitty do not support the Danish girl.
batrachoid:Yeah no. You can not support the Danish girl if you want to but Please stop telling others what to do. There’s literally nothing transphobic about it. It doesn’t promote hate for trans people. A trans person was in fact involved in the creation of the character. Trans people were passed over? Probably because they were not as good as Eddie Redmayne :). Also a non dysphoric trans person? You mean a cis person? I’m not trans. Not fucking off tho. People making money by doing their jobs isn’t transphobic TYPING IN CAPS DOESN’T MAKE YOU CORRECT. :)
cottonkandymisogynist:
1) This is a kooky argument because it implies that trans people are entitled to the role just because they’re trans. That’s like an argument for discrimination based on gender identity. Weird. If you could prove that there was a fantastic trans actor who was passed over because the people making the movie were transphobic even though they were making a movie about it… but that seems implausible.
2) People making movies have to make movies that will sell. They’re obligated to their backers unless they are self-funded indie filmmakers. They have to consider the marketability of their stars. Trans actors are just starting to get the kind of recognition that has been long in coming, but they’re just not there yet.
3) Um, shouldn’t a trans person be able to act in any role? I mean why limit them to playing trans characters? That makes even less sense.
Cotton Kandy is right, progressive people will take every opportunity to shit all over every achievement if it doesn’t fit into their own radical view. Look, my trans friends- if this movie does well, every movie producer in Hollywood is going to be shopping around for scripts that depict trans stories, that have trans characters, that feature trans actors. If it does poorly, they’re just going to think, “Well, I guess the moviegoing public isn’t interested in this sort of thing. Don’t make any more movies like that, they’ll flop.” You should be seeing it 10 times, not boycotting it.
I do not detect a question here, but I *will* comment.
I can see both sides of this argument. On one hand, films about trans people OUGHT to have trans people in them. On the other hand, we as a group tend to be FAR too sensitive and become outraged at any slight, real or imagined.
Perhaps a compromise would have been better (and more accurate). Put a cis actor in to portray the pre-transition part and a trans actor to portray the post transition part.
ETA: the actor who did play the part did in fact consult with many trans people and was welcomed warmly.
LinkyThanks, I was hoping you would explain what was going on. Since I'd seen what I copied in several places, it had to be more than just one person pissed off, or a lot of people pissed at that person for calling for a boycott.
What would impress me more is a trans person playing the gender they've transitioned to without their trans status even being a thing.
Incidentally - I watched the first episode of Sense8 yesterday. I am loving the trans woman and lesbian girlfriend. They're an awesome couple.
It seems there's another battle going on.
" 'Dirty money' stigma plagues the transgender adult industry." A new project called the Trans Adult Industry Foundation (TAIF) aims to close the cycle by funneling a percentage of profits made by transgender porn companies into community groups and nonprofits that serve the immediate needs of trans people.
According to a TAIF press release, housing, call centers, emergency shelters, and advocacy as some primary areas of need, “with a specific focus on the needs of the performers in our community.”
The foundation is constructed on a simple idea: make money from trans porn, give money to trans people. However, the people launching the effort—porn star Buck Angel along with two employees of trans porn company Grooby—say their motivations are complex. It isn’t just that they want to help, it’s that they’ve tried to help before and have been turned away.
One of the most interesting discussions I've ever seen were about gender essentialism between a group of hard core "gender doesn't matter" feminists and a group of trans people at various stages (Between extreme gender dysphoria to fully transitioned).
In a way it felt like a conflict between 2nd wave to 3rd wave feminism.
One group dismissing gender as irrelevant and finding gender roles and expectations to be painful and limiting to themselves, and one group finding gender as essential to who they are, so much that it's lack of expression in their sex is emotionally painful to them.
For me it was one of those grand oppertunities where I got to see people argue over the answer for a question where I don't have my own preconceived answer I think is correct, and I'll be honest, it was a close call for me. I would say that trans have marginally won by presenting supporting evidence in neural scans that demonstrate gender symptoms in the brain.
So I ask you, trans... FtM? MtF? Should I read the OP before entering these discussions? Anyway - I ask you...
How do you view this, and in particular, how do you view the gender of cispeople who don't view their gender as part of their identity? Are they - from your perspective - in denial?
The gender is purely 100% conditioning argument just doesn't hold up at all. The idea that how we express, understand and respond to gender may be very much learned and conditioned is more compelling to me.
I do not believe that girls are biologically driven to like pink dresses and wear high heeled shoes. But I do think little girls are biologically driven to want to know how to be a girl and if the answer they see around them is that girls like pink dresses and high heeled shoes then they are very likely to start wanting those things. Similarly the drive to attract a mate requires knowing what the other person might find attractive - and if everything tells you that what makes a woman attractive is that she be this or that, then that becomes the thing we aim for.
The same is true I think of many of the features of femininity and masculinity that we culturally deem natural and unassailable.
In other words, what it is to be a woman, think like a woman and express a female gender is heavily shaped by the cultural context. The same cultural context surrounds people who have a conflict between the gender they feel they are and the gender they are told they are. They were seeking out the same answers to the question of what is male and what is female - just with a less conventional focus. You can't look for messages about one gender and not see messages about the other, they are defined in opposition to each other.
I don't think gender defines, at a biological level, whether we will want to play nurse or fix a computer. Nor do I think it defines whether we are home bodies or adventurers, able to be funny, or capable of mathematical genius. But the biological drive to be our gender may be important in defining those things, along the lines of the lessons we learn about femaleness and maleness. It also, in many ways, defines who we are in relation to others and ourselves - and that is profoundly important. And, however culturally conditioned our understanding of what it means, fundamentally.. to be male or female, that context isn't easily dismissed. Aspects of it may even be desirable - socially useful.
Anytime someone feels strongly about an issue, and gathers people who agree, it becomes political. Actually any time a group of people gather for any purpose it becomes political. There will people who by virtue of their personalities are natural leaders. Others, who are power hungry, want to be in charge, and some who are so full of themselves feel they deserve to be in charge.
Look at the tea party, lots of disgruntled people who couldn't express more than one or two actual reasons, but backed anyone who slipped into the leadership void and voiced plausible complaints. Individuals I've talked to, don't agree with everything the leadership says, but feel there's no other choice.
I'm betting the leaders of any cause are saying things not everyone supporting them agrees with completely, unless the cause is so narrow it can be summed up in a slogan or two. The Women's/feminist movement certainly can't.
So I ask you, trans... FtM? MtF? Should I read the OP before entering these discussions? Anyway - I ask you...
How do you view this, and in particular, how do you view the gender of cispeople who don't view their gender as part of their identity? Are they - from your perspective - in denial?
I am MtF trans.
Your question is both simple and complex.
I have no idea what the fuss is about. Gender is a fundamental concept to everyone's identity and humanity. Personally, I go for the traditional gender binary, that is, male and female. I do not go for any of the "in-betweens", which upsets a lot of LGBTs I cannot honestly say that I have met anyone who holds that their gender is not part of their identity. Other than the aforementioned "tweens".
I suspect that some people just want to play "me too". There is more to the discussion in question than simply rights or identity. These views of mine have made me something of a pariah in our social circles but I believe that we are being used by some to advance a radical social agenda which seeks to deconstruct every tradition and foundation upon which the US was built.
I have not read much about this argument because I tend to avoid feminists' circles, where I and my sisters have been made to feel unwelcome, mainly by
TERFs, an ultra-radical subset of feminist.
I hope I answered your question.
Should I read the OP before entering these discussions?
In the OP Pam offered to answer questions. If you haven't yet discovered, Cellar threads drift, like paper boats, when you launch a thread, you relinquish control. But tangents can be enlightening too, and Pam is tolerant. :haha:
Real Talk With Trans People.
How to be an ally.
Non-Binary or Genderqueer
NB and GQ folks, including celebs Miley Cyrus and Ruby Rose, locate their genders outside the categories of male and female. They often use either first-person plural pronouns (they, them) or less common ones (ze/zir, ne/nem). These identities are already big in adolescent and college queer scenes.
In a Sentence:
I want to attend college at a place like the University of Vermont, which lets me be genderqueer in its records and recognizes my pronouns
I am MtF trans.
Your question is both simple and complex.
I have no idea what the fuss is about. Gender is a fundamental concept to everyone's identity and humanity. Personally, I go for the traditional gender binary, that is, male and female. I do not go for any of the "in-betweens", which upsets a lot of LGBTs I cannot honestly say that I have met anyone who holds that their gender is not part of their identity. Other than the aforementioned "tweens".
I suspect that some people just want to play "me too". There is more to the discussion in question than simply rights or identity. These views of mine have made me something of a pariah in our social circles but I believe that we are being used by some to advance a radical social agenda which seeks to deconstruct every tradition and foundation upon which the US was built.
I have not read much about this argument because I tend to avoid feminists' circles, where I and my sisters have been made to feel unwelcome, mainly by TERFs, an ultra-radical subset of feminist.
I hope I answered your question.
No but it's ok, you've also given good reasons why you can't (in bold). I am essentially asking you for your opinion of a type of person you probably haven't gotten the chance to get to know yet, so there's not much you can do about that.
Or you can answer with "Did you see that game?" and "Oh man" and "close call" <- almost always works for me when people ask me for my opinions about groups of people I don't know.
The gender is purely 100% conditioning argument just doesn't hold up at all. The idea that how we express, understand and respond to gender may be very much learned and conditioned is more compelling to me.
I do not believe that girls are biologically driven to like pink dresses and wear high heeled shoes. But I do think little girls are biologically driven to want to know how to be a girl and if the answer they see around them is that girls like pink dresses and high heeled shoes then they are very likely to start wanting those things. Similarly the drive to attract a mate requires knowing what the other person might find attractive - and if everything tells you that what makes a woman attractive is that she be this or that, then that becomes the thing we aim for.
The same is true I think of many of the features of femininity and masculinity that we culturally deem natural and unassailable.
In other words, what it is to be a woman, think like a woman and express a female gender is heavily shaped by the cultural context. The same cultural context surrounds people who have a conflict between the gender they feel they are and the gender they are told they are. They were seeking out the same answers to the question of what is male and what is female - just with a less conventional focus. You can't look for messages about one gender and not see messages about the other, they are defined in opposition to each other.
I don't think gender defines, at a biological level, whether we will want to play nurse or fix a computer. Nor do I think it defines whether we are home bodies or adventurers, able to be funny, or capable of mathematical genius. But the biological drive to be our gender may be important in defining those things, along the lines of the lessons we learn about femaleness and maleness. It also, in many ways, defines who we are in relation to others and ourselves - and that is profoundly important. And, however culturally conditioned our understanding of what it means, fundamentally.. to be male or female, that context isn't easily dismissed. Aspects of it may even be desirable - socially useful.
That is an interesting view - and I think it's true - but missing something.
What you are describing is a tendency to identify more with members of your own gender, resulting in more openness to the viral memes that inflict them and towards observing them as role models. That in itself I think is true. Considering almost all of the examples you gave have been gender reversed in past times, it's hard to argue otherwise.
But in almost every other area of life, the conditions to identifying more with one person then another are exposure and similarity, some sense of shared experience. In order for a boy to identify more with men, he is going to need a sense that he shares with them something in common.
...And although it might seem like their is an obvious answer to what is it that they'd find in common, children do this sometimes long before they ever know the opposite sex has a different peepee, not to mention the obvious counter example of the thread we are in - trans people identifying with a specific gender regardless of their external physical attributes, regardless of what gender they are initially called.
So what underlines the preference in who we identify with? What is it then that makes children feel they have more in common internally with members of their own gender?
In the OP Pam offered to answer questions. If you haven't yet discovered, Cellar threads drift, like paper boats, when you launch a thread, you relinquish control. But tangents can be enlightening too, and Pam is tolerant. :haha:
On it :p:
(Just to be clear: I am the long haired one)
So what underlines the preference in who we identify with? What is it then that makes children feel they have more in common internally with members of their own gender?
So you don't believe the people that say your born with it, you prefer the nurture over nature theory.
So you don't believe the people that say your born with it, you prefer the nurture over nature theory.
Other way around - I was saying that this indicates more of an element for nature then Dana's theory gave it credit.
that for children to identify more with members of a particular gender, it would need to come from feeling they have more in common -
naturally and from a very early age and even without having much of an idea of gender - with members of their own gender.
I could not readily find a suitable thread for this, so, I put it here:
Chris Sarandon talks about playing 'Leon', Al Pacino's transgender girlfriend, in "Dog Day Afternoon".
And about the movie. And some of his role research.
It's a decent enough read.
So... Here's a more serious question(s):
What were your expectations of people when you were first opening up and coming out, what did they actually do, and how much of that carried over into helping you / harming your own self acceptance as well as your friendships and relationships with them? Did any of them say or reacted in ways you found unforgivable? If so, what was it?
I don't know what I expected. I have been careful in coming out to people. Not everyone knows yet. I expect the worst; that they will immediately try to murder me. That way I'm prepared and get a pleasant surprise when they don't.
No one has tried to kill me like that yet. Not counting the rednecks in the dented pickup who tried to run me off the highway yelling epithets and throwing beer cans at me for no apparent reason. Oh, and the random stranger who felt the need to express his belief that people like me should be shot while pumping gas. Gotta love Texas!
Most people were shocked to varying degrees. None had any inkling, unlike many TSs I know who told me that they heard things like "About time" and "We knew all long, we were just waiting for you to say it". Most of my friends are no longer my friends and nearly all my family refuses to acknowledge my existence. The one person who I thought I could count on cut out on me and removed herself from my life entirely.
I have times when I doubt myself, wonder if I could just carry on like I had been before and keep my secret. Then I remember what a pistol tastes like and know the answer. Deep inside, I bear scars that will never truly heal from this. We all do, but we don't talk about it much.
Best question so far!
I guess people are getting used to someone coming out gay, as there has been so much in the media. In your case, while it's not exactly a new thing, you're on the leading edge of general public awareness. So you're going to surprise people to whom gays are ho hum another one. The problem is people don't like to be surprised very much, and when they are, they're unpredictable. Don't know what to say, what to do, it's new territory so sometimes they revert to the default instinct of fight or flight. You've chosen not the road less traveled, but a path in the fucking wilderness. Interesting, and a little exciting, but loaded with unknown hazards.
If I wish you well, and everything goes to shit, will it be my fault for encouraging you? :haha:
Wow. Ok that's... Well beyond the scale of anything I imagined. The transfolk I know faced problems but nothing like that. Sorry you had to go through that - I hope you'll be able to move the fuck out of there. People ranging from bigots to ignorant exist everywhere but... Fuck... That's not normal reactions in the rest of the western world, even for transfolk.
I dunno about that trace. There are a lot of prejudiced people and a lot of people who take a kind of personal affront at trans people.
I was for a while a sitting member of our cuoncil's 'Health and Social Care' scrutiny committee. One of the issues that was brought to our attention was the dearth of specialist services for trans men and women. The way those people were/are treated in the NHS was shocking. I supported a small group who were bringing the issue to the committee and became friends with a couple of the people leading that group. The driving force of the group, has had some terrible experiences.
Workmen taking on jobs at her house, getting there and seeing her then telling her to fuck off, they won't do the job, she should be ashamed, perverts like her make them sick.
People leaning out of cars as they drive past shouting obscenities
A severe beating on a train station about 7 years ago.
Could one of the mods just remove the name from that post - it's a little too identifiable. Cheers.
Unfortunately, events like these are quite common for transwomen (and men) all over. My experiences have been tame compared to many. And I have yet to venture into official territory like the DMV to renew my license appearing as female, only to be told to remove my makeup and put on men's clothing ("disguises" are illegal). Also, no one has yet actually assaulted me, but it is only a matter of time on that.
Yeah, since your bag isn't BDSM, that would be most unwelcome. In sketchy places, road flares look enough like dynamite to scare off troublemakers when you whip your coat open. But I suppose it would kill the elegance of your outfit. ;)
I'm trying to be as casual/upbeat about a very serious danger, as you are apparently trying to be, although we both know it's serious.
Yeah, since your bag isn't BDSM, that would be most unwelcome. In sketchy places, road flares look enough like dynamite to scare off troublemakers when you whip your coat open. But I suppose it would kill the elegance of your outfit. ;)
I'm trying to be as casual/upbeat about a very serious danger, as you are apparently trying to be, although we both know it's serious.
You obviously do not know me vewy well, do you? :whip: I have been involved in BDSM for nearly 30 years. But, as tempting as it is to take a twelve foot bullwhip to certain people, there is that consensuality thing.
I do keep a flare gun and a few smoky flares and a few M-250s in my pick em up truck since those rednecks tried to run me off the road, just in case. And my personal defense training is superior to most. But it's the surprise from nowhere that worries me most.
My bad, I thought you quit the abuse when the Philly chick stole your dog. :o
Laid off for a long while. Still laid off, really. Lotta psychology involved which I won't bore you with. But I still hang with my friends in that community and attend parties and events and live vicariously.
