Trilby

Prolly nothing and I'm worrying unnecessarily, but: Tril's facebook page has been deactivated. I noticed it a couple of days ago shortly after her last posting (Wednesday). I've PMd her but she hasn't been back on since, I don't think...


As I say, it's probably nowt, but given recent weeks I'm a little concerned. Has anybody been in contact since Wednesday?

I just tried to call her after reading this. Went to voicemail. I said to let me know how she is doing if she can.

Probably nothing, as you said...but the fb thing is rather odd. :(

I will let you know if i hear from her.

*nods* Thanks, Inf.

This is incredibly hard to write... Trilby has achieved the ultimate peace on Thursday morning March 7th. Our beautiful mother truly loved this community. She was full of love for all the people in her life and we will miss her so very much. She was an exceptional mother and the pain we feel for losing her is too great to explain. We thank you for supporting our mom and we will report back to you with updates. Much love, Taylor (23) and Danny (21)-her two sons.

God damnit.:mad:

This can't be true can it?

Oh man. This is terrible.

We will miss her. She was one of my favorite Dwellers.

I am so sorry for your loss, Taylor and Danny.

shit shit shit shit

Oh no. Oh god I can't believe it.

Danny and Taylor, my deepest condolences to you on such a terrible Loss. I can only begin to imagine your pain.

Your mum was a wonderful person, a truly unique and beautiful soul. I was honoured to count her a friend.

damn IT !!!!!!!

Very sad news.

Taylor and Danny, thank you very much for making the effort to let us know. My condolences to you.

What? Fucking what?

shit what? OMG!

Her name was Claudette Coulter.

J is driving up from Wilmington... I don't know what to think... this is just terrible...

Jesus, this has made me so very sad.

Danny and Taylor, thank you for taking the time to let us know. Your mom was loved by people here from around the world, and we will miss her deeply.

So very sad to hear this

Coulter, Claudette Marie
Service By: Routsong
Service Date: March 14, 2013
Location: Kettering Routsong Funeral Home
COULTER, Claudette Marie, age 49, of Kettering, OH passed away March 7, 2013 in Dayton, OH. Claudette was born on February 29, 1964 in Dayton, OH to Jim and Jeri Coulter. She received her Registered Nursing degree from Sinclair College and a Bachelor's degree in English from Wright State University. Claudette worked as a nurse until her retirement. She was an avid reader and lover of arts and literature. Claudette is survived by her sons, Taylor and Daniel ; sisters Kathleen (Bob) Sandman and Melissa (Randall) Davis; and numerous nieces and nephews. The family of Claudette would like to send their deepest gratitude to Dr. Bonie for all the compassion and care she gave Claudette. The memorial service will be held at 4:00pm on Thursday March 14, 2013 at Routsong Funeral Home, 2100 East Stroop Rd., Kettering. Family will greet friends following the service until 6:30pm. Contributions can be made in memory of Claudette to 4 Paws For Ability, 253 Dayton Ave., Xenia, Ohio 45385.

Fuck.

Just no fucking way. No.no.

omg

Taylor and Danny, I'm so sorry. I met your mom, she was so proud of you both and such a lovely lady. I can't believe this. well I can but I don't want to. I will try to get there on Thursday, but I don't think I can -I'm a swim coach for my sons' team and they have their first meet.

or someone. anyone with her number. time diff from eastern is 5 hours. so 2am eastern should be ok. mo make it more like 3 or 4, it's saturday there

It doesn't seem possible somehow. She was just posting here a couple days ago.

Just heart-breaking.

Wow... Shocked and saddened. Taylor and Dan, your mom loved you both very much. I'm so sorry. NO words ....

enough death. damn it. i'm surrounded by too much of it

I am at a rare loss for words. I will miss your sharp wit and caring heart, my friend.

I was only thinking yesterday that I would Facebook her and see how the new dog was settling in.

Claudette will be greatly missed, she was a great friend... listened and made me smile when I went through some things a couple of years ago.

Plus, she thought I was funny =]

She will now be surrounded by strippers and drinking from the beer volcano.

Xxx

Oh no. Oh no, no. Omg.

Taylor and Danny ... please accept my condolences. Your mother was so proud of you.

I'll miss her so much. Her wit and generosity made all the difference for me during a very difficult time.

Memory eternal.

Thank you Taylor and Danny: you've been most gracious. Condolences on your loss. I wish that all good things didn't have to come to an end; but, best wishes to you both during this difficult time.

Taylor and Danny, I'm so very sorry.

God damn, God Damn, God Damn!

I was really worried when she started to post about going to bed with both alcohol and tranquilizers. I sent her a pm begging her to reach out for help to AA or somebody, ANYBODY! She never replied.

This is such terrible, sad news.

monster;856007 wrote:

or someone. anyone with her number. time diff from eastern is 5 hours. so 2am eastern should be ok. mo make it more like 3 or 4, it's saturday there

I've got Sundae's number, I think. Anyone willing to make the call PM me ASAP. I'm old and fading fast.

I am so sorry. Our deepest condolences.

This is so horribly sad.

This is such terrible news. Taylor and Danny - thank you so much for letting us know and my thoughts are with you as you try to come to terms with your loss. Your mum was a truly lovely person, and a great friend. She will be remembered with love by all who knew her.

I have broken the news to Sundae on the phone.

Got up this morning and still can't believe it.

I loved her so much.
My last PM from her was re her birthday card:

thanks

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

for the card----it made me smile.

I am still in mourning. I feel like my soulmate has died.

I know it sounds stupid----but I am alone here and I'm not doing too well.


again, you are a gem of a friend, cherry.
xo-c-

I didn't reply.
But I did speak to her last Friday.
She called on Thursday - when I was in London with Mum - and talked to Dad. He said they had a lovely chat. Which must have been mostly Bri, Dad being a bit deaf and confused by accents - although she had a lovely speaking voice.

I called her back Friday and she told me she'd had to give her new puppy back. She cried, but we were able to laugh. She said she was so proud of me for losing weight and we talked seriously about the problems both of us have with alcohol. She was always my confidant and cheerleader.

She was the best friend I never met.
We had so much we'd dreamed of, what we planned to do.
I cannot take in that she is dead. I can't comprehend that I will never be able to PM her about victories and failures again. That I will never be able to call her and chat for as long as a free call lasts. That Mum will never come up the stairs mouthing ("American?")

That I will never meet her.

I can't take it in, but I know there is a lot of grieving and crying to come.

Damn. What do you say? I'm completely blown away by this. I pray she is at peace now.

I'm stunned. Fuck.

I am very saddened to hear this news. My condolences to Taylor and Danny as well as to our community here in the Cellar.

Crying

...awful news.

I had some minor communication with T a little while back...she was nice.

This a loss for all concerned.

Dammit. Like Sarge, I just don't know what to say.

Hate that anyone's family has to go through this.

:blackr:

I loved her because she was honest.
I loved her because she was imperfect.
I loved her because she was unguarded.
I loved her because she sometimes failed.
I loved her because she shared.
I loved her because she wanted to be better.
I loved her because she was childlike.
I loved her because she was real.

nice

That's lovely.

Hebe remembers her as "the one who waved at us" :)

Oh jim that really said it.

Such a loss for all of us. I am still thinking i will wake up and it won't be true. Fucking devastating.

I remember us laughing through tears the last we spoke.

Taylor and Danny your mom was so loved. Clever, beautiful lady. I am so sorry.

I never expected to be so upset that a stranger passed away, but I am. I have been on this site for years, and Claudette was always here. To me, she felt she was never good enough, and yet me, a perfect stranger looked forward to her opinion and insights. I didn't know her in person, I wish I had. She was more than "good enough" and I am saddened she felt otherwise. Her struggle is over now, she is with her beloved Autumn.
I hope Taylor and Danny, that you can remember all the good your mom has done, all the love she tried to give, in this most difficult time. In the months and years to come, I hope you come back to this page, and see how many people loved and repsected your mom.

not a stranger, jay. a friend you'd not met.

infinite monkey;856116 wrote:

Oh jim that really said it.

.

I love you for the same exact reasons. I think bri knew it, but I wish I had told her so.

Thank you. I love you too.

I had written a senti,ent to the cellar, which i lost as my phone is being wonky again...in and out of net access...but i hope to revive it when i am at a real computer.

Something about something good coming of this: remembering how we care about each other, despite differences.

Love you all.

Please send, phone.

Thank you Taylor and Danny for telling us this tragic news. I am so sad, and I know you're stunned and sad too. My heart goes out to you both. I would love to help if I can and the cellar is the best way to reach me. Many people here count her as a friend, all here respected her, both apply for me.

I learned last night when I got a call from classic (thanks man). I was stunned then, I'm still in disbelief, but I wanted to acknowledge Taylor and Danny. I'm so sorry boys, so sorry.

I put this in video thread but I meant to put it here:
[VIMEO]59956490[/VIMEO]

I saw this on facebook (thanks DanaC) and I wanted to add my condolences to all, especially her sons. Many of us here have dealt with our own demons of a similar sort; how terribly sad to see a dear friend laid low.

Peace be with you, Bri.

Miss you, Pie. I can't remember when you left so I will mention that I used to be dar512. I hope that you are happy and healthy where ever you are in real life.

So, the cellar is like real life in this respect - sometimes tragedy brings old friends back together for a moment.

Condolences to you and your family, Taylor and Danny. Claudette was loved and will be missed. It's hard not to shed a tear being in this thread.

My condolences as well. I liked Trillby.

If I may, I would like to share a poem that is often recited at funerals for my lodge brothers. But I feel the sentiment can be applied to anyone.
If it is not appropriate, I request that a moderator delete it.

[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]In My Father's Mansion[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]It is not cold beneath the grasses,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Nor close-walled within the tomb;[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Rather, in my Father's mansion,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Living, in another room.[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Nearer than the one who loves me,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Like yon child with cheeks abloom,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Out of sight, at desk or schoolbook,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Busy, in another room.[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Nearer than the youth whom fortune[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Beckons where the strange lands loom;[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Just behind the hanging curtain,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Serving, in another room.[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Shall I doubt my Father's mercy?[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Shall I think of death as doom,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Or the stepping o'er the threshold[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]To a bigger, brighter room?[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Shall I blame my Father's wisdom?[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Shall I sit enswathed in gloom,[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]When I know my Love is happy[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Waiting, in another room?[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Robert Freeman[/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]

Stunned and so sad.

Goodbye, Tril. I'll miss your kind and generous spirit.

Wishing peace for her family in their grief.

Thank you CG, A beautiful poem, she did love poems. I will miss that about her.

I said to Dani and Limey yesterday - it's like breaking up with someone.
Hurts like buggery. But this time you know it's going to go on forever.

We might only have spoken once a fortnight.
PM'd weekly.
Interacted on here every few days.
But now everything I see and everything I do I just want to share with her.
I think "Bri would love this!" or "That would make Bri laugh!"
I know I thought those thoughts before, but I also know I never thought them so continuously or consistently as I do now.

And one of the jarring things is that when things are wrong in my life I come here for advice, for comfort and the occasional slap upside the head (sometimes right, sometimes annoying.) But the situation is reversed here. Here everyone is mourning Trilby. It's not my own personal grief that I can just spill out and have everyone hug me. She wasn't mine to grieve about alone.

And at home, there's no-one I can share it with. I'm not at work, the 'rents are in Spain (although Mum has been lovely on the phone), my sister is not talking to me and my brother wouldn't understand.

Sorry. This isn't poor me, poor me (pour me another.)

As I said before, Limey and Mr Limey are letting me stay with them next week, so it will all be different. But even then I will want to document it. She really wanted to see Arran. We were going to tramp round every damned site of historical interest on that island. At least until we got tired of standing stones not revealing a gruagach to us and finding somewhere with a real open fire instead. But she won't be here to see it or read it or write one of my phrases down in her notebook for future use.

Will have to ask the Limeys of a suitable way to honour her traditionally. And if it involves a libation I'll buy a miniature and pour it empty.
If not, I'm going to buy a bloody Chinese Fire Lantern and write my love for her before it burns. She'd have laughed at me borrowing from other cultures to find some meaning.

I was thinking this morning...so many things popping into my head...

Jim you said you think bri knew you loved her...i know she knew. Your usertitle, dude! It's such a trilby phrase she said to you. Given with her witty love.

Sundae, you were so close with her. I know this hurts so much for you. I'm glad you're going to limeyville...hang out with some good souls.

I hope everyone is hanging in there. I think, for a very long time, we'll keep expecting to see a very trilby-esque post. I will so miss her.

This is very sad news. My deepest sympathy to her sons, family and each of you who cared about here, here in the Cellar.

She was honest and real. I hope that she is in a better place and enjoying every moment of it!

Ciao Bri/Trilby/Claudette...may you have peace, and be surrounded by love, beauty and grace, wherever you are.

infinite monkey;856268 wrote:

I hope everyone is hanging in there. I think, for a very long time, we'll keep expecting to see a very trilby-esque post. I will so miss her.

So true.

I agree with plthijinx. Too much death. I'm still wearing a mourning button for my father, and my uncle passed a few days later. But they were both in their 90's so that is expected.

Brianna (and I will always remember her as that) was one of the dozen or so people from the Cellar that I 'knew'. I liked her spirit, and the way she argued.

I am very sorry for you loss, Danny and Taylor. I enjoyed reading your mom's posts, and I am sorry I never got a chance to meet her. One great thing about the Cellar is that it's an archive. Brianna's 'letters', the part of herself she shared with everyone, will stay here.

When my mother passed away a few years ago, her Rabbi came up and wrapped a red string around my left wrist. It turns out he also studied Kabbalah and did it to protect us from evil. I'm not much for mysticism, but I did find some comfort in knowing that someone went to the trouble to do that.

I don't propose to give you any red string, but know that I pray that you can move forward in peace. Since I pray so infrequently, maybe it will get noticed. May G-d shelter you and give you comfort.

I just read the new Cellar tagline, and I've got tears in my eyes.

That was lovely Rich.

The tagline is touching.

I just want to say how much I appreciate the kind words and the appropriate reaction you have all had toward this tragedy as it is very similar to my own assessment of the situation. My brother and I are heartbroken that we have lost our best friend, our confidant, our kind adviser, the most loving person we have ever known. She would overdraw her checking account and drive across the country if I needed to be bailed out of jail. She would cook my favorite meal all day long even if I was just stopping by for a few hours. She would research things to help me in school, even though the internet wasn't her strongest skill. She would lie to me when I needed it. She was so in touch with my feelings she could read my emotion based on the tone of my "hello" on the phone. She was AMAZING. God will I miss her. I hope to adopt and embrace all of her qualities as a person but use my experiences to overcome any destructive addiction as well, in Claudette's name. She will always live forever in my heart as the most beautiful, intelligent, and caring woman I have ever known. I treasure all of your words about my mom, thank you all again, so very much.-Taylor

PS: I apologize if you are freaked out when Trilby continues to post. Claudette's life does live on through me and Dan.

That is beautiful. Of course i am not surprised that Claudette raised such kind, caring, and smart guys. She loved you both so much. Thank you for your post. Please continue to post if and when you want to.

Trilby;856495 wrote:

PS: I apologize if you are freaked out when Trilby continues to post. Claudette's life does live on through me and Dan.

Fitting since she lives on in our hearts too

Big Sarge;856501 wrote:

Fitting since she lives on in our hearts too

Well said, Sarge!

Would it be wrong or somehow seem odd to suggest that you could even make your own user name and continue to visit us Taylor and or Danny? I'm sure a lot of people would draw comfort from your presence, and you may find you feel the same.

Your Mum was very much loved on this site. I am sure you know that though. I feel very sorry that you are going through this all at such young ages. xxx

Trilby;856495 wrote:

PS: I apologize if you are freaked out when Trilby continues to post. Claudette's life does live on through me and Dan.

Taylor, Danny, please do continue your presence here.

A couple of thoughts:

I'm about Trilby's age and I lost my Dad when I was pretty young. I miss him terribly still, but though the heat of that grief has cooled, I do still wish I knew more about him. Things like what he said, how he was as an adult (especially now that I'm an adult), since I only knew him as Dad. I don't have a lot material to work with here, some pictures, some second hand stories. Naturally I love those, but their not his voice. Trilby most definitely left her voice here for all to see, as richlevy pointed out above. I don't know how much hanging out in the cellar you've done up to now, but I assure you your Mom's presence is considerable.

Additionally, she had many friends here. Friends who I am sure would be happy to talk to you about her, in public, like these posts, and in private. I don't know how much she talked about us, but we knew a bit about you, and from us you might learn about her. Assuming you want to. We're here, we'd love to have you here too.

I hope you and your family are getting by ok, I know it's tough. **hugs**

Thank you for posting, Taylor, it's a big help to us to know you guys realize how special she was. Sure, everybody's Mom is special to them, but you've convinced me you know she was more than just a loving mom, she was a loving human being.

i'm somber. i'm numb. i thank you deeply for posting about your mother. i know it's hard. my heart bleeds for you. but rest assured, your mother was well liked and loved around here and will always dwell in the cellar!

Taylor and Danny,

I enjoyed your mother's friendship - she was a beautiful person who had the gift of making everyone else happy just by being in her company.

A few Christmases ago during a Cellar Cookie Exchange, I sent her a batch of my Mother's Christmas cookies - I take some comfort in knowing that the warm memory of the simple joy we shared will far outlast the pain and shock of learning she has passed on.

I thank God for people like Brianna. You were blessed to have such a mother and I was blessed to have her as a friend.

Just a thought...

Does Juniper know about this?

Didn't she meet up with Brianna in real life? Should we try to contact her?

I am, as my sign-on states, Trilby's sister. She told me many times about this great on-line community. She enjoyed communicating with you all very much. I want to especially thank Bruce XOXOXO for the flowers and Cherry for her kind message on my sister's phone. I will never stop missing her but at least now she is at peace. Thank you all for caring about my sister. It makes it a little easier knowing she had so many friends. BTW, my other sister, Melissa and I have the cats; so Spiderman is safe!

Would you be comfortable letting us know, in general terms, what happened? Theres some speculation, but I've been leaving that question unanswered in my mind until I hear from someone who knows. Its fine if youre not, and thank you for posting at all, but if it is something you care to share, I would like to know.

Very sorry for your loss. I miss her v. much.

That right there (v. used as short for very) is something that she taught me, and will always remind me of her....

There are a number of things I will forever associate (in a positive way) with Claudette.
100 pound boxes of cucumbers and math problems are on the list.

Oh yes, she's well woven in the fabric of the Cellar. I didn't know how hard it is to chuckle with a lump in my throat. :o

I'm grateful to hear from more of her real-life family members. It is really very kind of you to come here and share her memory with us, these random people on the internet that your sister/mother was so important to. We've talked before on the board about whether anyone in our real lives would know to inform the Cellar if anything ever happened to one of us, and the answers were mixed. But you have gone above and beyond, and allowed us to grieve right alongside you. So thank you for that.

Her acerbic wit was second to none. I have always thought of her any time I saw a suit jacket with elbow pads, and I suspect I always will.

Yeah. As the others have said: thankyou so much for posting here.

None of us need to tell you how special she was, but we'll say it anyway, because she was. And I don't think there's dwellar here who doesn't feel the loss of one of our own. It is surprisingly comforting to hear from her family, and to be included in that grieving.

I'm guessing you and her sons probably won't want to trawl through the whole boards, so there's a lot you probably won't see. So, I'll post a link here for you, to the poem I wrote for Tril. And thank you again for allowing us to share this part of her life with you.

X Dani

http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=28746

I want to thank you as well for your kindness in communicating with us. Claudette was very kind to me during a crisis last summer - everyone here was, but she was able to share personal experience and was incredibly supportive and generous. I'll always appreciate that and cherish having had the chance to know her.

I feel so priviliged to get a chance to communicate with all of you. You may have never 'met" Claudette, but I believe you saw her true face here. DanaC, thank you for the beautiful poem. Claudette would have loved it. As to your qustions, I don't mind sharing what I know. On March 7, at around 4PM, my parents went to Claudette's house because they had not been able to contact her all day. She had passed away in her bed. The police were called and made a presumptive cause of death as a drug overdose. An autopsy was preformed and the results will take about 6 weeks. Those are the "facts", if you will. As to whether or not it was planned; family members differ in their opinion. Her sons believe it was an accident. Personally, I believe Claudette planned to kill herself. There was no note. In our last phone call, she told me not to feel guilty about bringing Autumn into her life. She said "don't feel guilty about anything". None of you should feel guilty about not stopping her. I am the one who should have been there, but I failed. Yet, I wonder if anyone could have saved her. She never saw how amazing she was; how gifted. My life is now very sad and monochromic. So many things we will never do; never go "across the pond", never go back to Cape Cod, never see another movie. However, going on about it won't change it. I must learn to live without her. Thank you for letting me see some of her old posts and for all your kindness.

Hi Claudette-sis,

I tried so very hard to make it to her memorial and meet you too, but it just wasn't going to happen. But I am currently in your state and Claudette crosses my mind frequently. Particularly when I see all these huge trees down and remember her back yard woes. And I'm very glad you have Spiderman. I had visions of that cat making another of her famous bids for freedom and then coming back days later to find no-one there.

She will always be with you in your heart Trilby's Sis, and no one can ever take that away from you. I am so sorry for your loss. :hug:

I'll post this in the Arran thread, where it will sit chronologically.
But for those who will only ever see this thread, this is how Limey and I remembered Claudette.

Bri always said she wanted to come to Arran. We promised eachother we would go together, in summer, and sate ourselves on history until it was time to stuff ourselves stupid on locally sourced food.
So Limey and I had to at least visit some standing stones to say our farewell.

The weather was grim. Not pouring with rain, but constant and chilly and enough to make it feel like a pilgrimage, not a stroll in the park. Perfect. I did not just want to leave flowers by the side of the road, I wanted something that Claudette-alive would have participated in, or at least appareciated.

Limey read the poems posted on the Cellar. With expression and sensitivity.
I'm not sure I could have got through them.
I had a speech all planned. Lots of refs to poems. But in the grey morning it occurred to me that the person I could have pointed them out to, the person who would have laughed at my temerity, was dead. So I settled on only two.

As I poured a libation of vodka on Bri's pebbles I referenced a line from Louis MacNeice's Snow.
"I peel and portion a tangerine and spit the pips and feel the drunkenness of things being various."
And as we left I remarked to Limey that there is now a part of Arran that at least in my memory will be forever American.

I sang through a closed throat.
Crowded House (of course).
How Will You Go.
In this youtube clip ignore the second track.
[YOUTUBE]uCmdRPmG40s[/YOUTUBE]
Claudette's stones.
More in the Arran thread later.

Oof.

Thanks, Sundae, thanks Limey.

Very nice, I think she'd approve.
The motorcycle reminded me of the first picture I saw of her.

That was the sort of wonderful coincidence she would have approved of.
Before hoying off to Arran I bought two Kinder eggs, one for me and one for her. Mine was some sort of bird with long plastic tail "feathers". I let Diz mangle it.

The one I bought for Claudette got similarly mangled in my bag between Aylesbury-Luton-London-Glasow-Arran. Limey understood and kindly added another to her shopping. Oh, the mangled one contained a jigsaw. Complete pants.

So when we split the egg in our own kind of communion (one Bri would have wholly sanctioned) we were gratified to find something which related to her life. Claudette as an eternal youth, titties out, red hair, what-you-lookin-at attitude. Which is why we left the bike (and a shard of choc from each half.)

Damn. Not sure I'll ever be done crying for our never realised future.
There are so many things I saw for her eyes.

Ah, they're chocolate shards... brown and white... from Kinder. Perfect.
We can't buy them here, federal law... but I have a case coming.;)

I sent Bri a Kinder Santa in her Christmas box. It was opened and smashed about by.
She said:

my santa kinder held an adorably ridiculous gnomish figure that I have hung from my bulletin board (the one with your Yarmouth postcard!!) and I shall eat the Santa, too!

I had the feeling customs DID indeed open my package and santa-I wasn't going to say but he was smashed and my kinder gift came out of his 'egg' suspiciously easily. they DID smash my santa. when I first saw the package I thought, "Oh, customs has got to it" and they must have. It was re-taped. those bastards! doesn't bother me, though, as he's still delish. and my gnome was still there!

I intended to send her prizes for the rest of her life, the shards were a token of my love for her.

I haven't the words, but the feelings are there. Thank you Sundae.

Thank you, Sundae.

Very nice. I've always wanted to visit England myself and visit one of the stone sites. There are so many to choose from.

I remember the motorcycle picture. Bri was such a babe in it.

I wish I'd saved it to my hard drive. (<-- heh heh heh he said hard drive)

But I bet my favorite truck scale repairman did. ;)

Thank you, Limy and Sundae, for the wonderful memorial to my sister. I think I feel her smiling. I would like nothing better than to come and see it sometime. I hope Limy is doing better. We are (sort of) coping here, but the sadness will never leave us.

:'( {{{HUGZ}}}

I just found out my deepest condolences to her family, friends and cellar family.

*mouring

Oh no...this is very very sad news.

Taylor, Danny and Trillby's sis, I am so sorry to hear this about your dear mom and sister. I always loved reading what she had to say here and on Facebook...her sense of humor and way with words was just incredible.

Sundae and Limey, what a beautiful memorial!

To Trilby's Sister ... when she was first having her troubles at work, she shared them with me. I remember her being surprised that I didn't smack her and say, "bad nurse!" I was never sure, but I think some of those conversations led to her stepping up rather than trying to conceal what was happening.

I appreciated and supported her courage, and her unending interesting in the world, but she was too fond of Sylvia Plath. Regardless of what the ME ends up saying, I'm going with accidental in my heart. For one thing, she was overmedicating a pain so deep that observers, even close ones, can't understand. Second, I don't see her taking off without more clearly saying her piece, having the last word.

Cheers, Wolf. We tried to do her justice.

Spoke to Trilby's sister tonight. Gosh, she sounds like her. And is kind and considerate and stable (I shouldn't sound surprised by that, but the lady just lost her sister. And the sister was Brianna.) Thanks darling.

I miss you, Bri.

Me too. No one could turn a phrase like she could. Its been 7 weeks. Her son Taylor graduates from Ohio State in 9 days.

don't we all?

He won't graduate alone, Bri will be on his mind and in his heart, just like us.

Please give him my congratulations. :)

Love and luck Taylor.
She'd have been so proud.

It's a huge credit to him that he's still on track after what he's been through recently and is continuing to go through.

Well done. I hope we get to see some pics of the big day. Maybe Aunty can take care of that for us?

Please give my congratulations and best wishes to Taylor as well.

Ach damn, poor kid. That's so hard. Damn he's done well though, to hold it together and graduate in the midst of it all.

His mum would be so proud. I can almost imagine the posts she'd have made about it on here.

Missing her here as well.

Trilby's sister sent me some of her things in remembrance. One was a figurine of a cat which reminded Trilby of her own cat.
Here is is sunning himself on my kitchen windowsill in good company.

I went to see a medium and Claudette came through.... (The medium said "who is it who had all the cats?") Anyway, Claudette said she was very happy in the spirit world and that she loved us all very much. Maybe it's hokey, but it made me feel better.

'Who is it who had all the cats?' I like that. In fact that's just a teeny bit perfect :)

I was daydreaming the other day. What's new?
Lottery-dreaming.

It's much less fun without Bri.
I care about many people on here, but I so wanted to take her to Wales; to Cardiff and the Valleys and the West coast. To places where Welsh is still the first language. I never even sent her The Chronicles of Prydain, which I always meant to.

If I'd known how short a time I had I'd have moved heaven and hell to go see her. Taken on three jobs at a time to make the plane fare. And that's not just hindsight - I had 3 jobs to get myself back on my feet before. And I lost 4 stone in 4 months to get the money to go to a friend's wedding. Short-term I can be very focussed.

Short term only though.
And I didn't know this was a short-term thing. My bad.

I miss her.

I know. I miss her many times everyday. It's like my world used to be in color and now it is in black and white. There are so many things I thought we would have time for. We were sort of waiting for my dad to die (God forgive me!) so we could use our inheritance to travel. I always thought there would be time for that. But, obviously, we were so wrong.

I know Taylor and Danny really miss her. Taylor posted to Facebook about her. He said "My beautiful mother has achieved the ultimate peace. Her love for my brother and I will endure forever in our hearts. Her contributions were significant, she was essential to my development, and I will always thank her for providing me with her intelligence. I love you mom, for all time. Someday soon I'll be an angel like you." I asked him what he meant by "someday soon", but he didn't answer. I know he is OK until graduation, which is this Saturday. I'll have to watch out for him.

Don't beat yourself up about not seeing her. She wouldn't want that. Sometimes I almost feel I hear her whispering in my brain. I don't know how you feel about spirits, but try to listen for her. You two were very close. She would try to comfort you if she could.

I got over the anger, but still highly annoyed. Tempted to buy a Ouija board and tell her, too. :blush:

Still sad. I miss her ...

My loss is less than what others have suffered, but she was so good to me when my world had fallen apart. I think of what she'd say when things go well, or badly. I'll never forget her.

Yeah. She was a wise bird was Tril. i do find myself still occasionally half thinking of her possible response when I post something I know would resonate with her. It's only momentary, but just for a millisecond I have to remind myself.

Hope Taylor and Danny are going to be ok. Glad they've got you watching out for them, Tril's sis.

Trilby's sis;862883 wrote:

I went to see a medium and Claudette came through.... (The medium said "who is it who had all the cats?") Anyway, Claudette said she was very happy in the spirit world and that she loved us all very much. Maybe it's hokey, but it made me feel better.

hahahahaha!!

(not in a mocking way, but in a surprised, happy way)

That's awesome! I feel better too. Thanks for sharing that, and if you get in touch with her again (I know that sounds stupid/trite/patronizing--I assure you I don't intend it that way), please tell her hello and that I'm thinking of her. :)

Trilby's sis;862883 wrote:

I went to see a medium and Claudette came through.... (The medium said "who is it who had all the cats?") Anyway, Claudette said she was very happy in the spirit world and that she loved us all very much. Maybe it's hokey, but it made me feel better.

The next time you see a medium who perhaps seem reliable, could you ask who is the spirit that was messing with Trilby in her house? A spirit had been bothering her while she was sleeping and from what she said, he (it) didn't sound very nice. I'm just curious who that might be, that is all.

I'm glad you feel better. :)

Spexxvet's most recent post;856062 wrote:

Crying

Hey, brah. Check in. Done bin 2 monfs nah. Y'Irie?

Hey, Tribly's sis.....

Why don't you put in a request for a new user name with UNDERTOAD?

I'd like to get to know you a little. But as you, not Bri's sister.

Have you looked Around the forum at other threads and stuff?

jimhelm;864560 wrote:

Hey, brah. Check in. Done bin 2 monfs nah. Y'Irie?

I've been in and out a little. Bri's death really bummed me out. I've tried posting, but I get into and feel like it's pointless, and delete it. How can I think my opinion of the Bengazi scandal (for instance) is important when Bri is dead? I love you guys, but I'm sad in The Cellar these days.

*hug*

Take the time you need Spexx, but know that we miss you and are looking forward to when you're ready to post more often.

Sorry man, deal in your own way.

Spexxvet;865216 wrote:

I love you guys, but I'm sad in The Cellar these days.

Well get your ass back here and cheer us up, or I'm taking the sig line back.

o snap!

Just coming back will cheer us up, Spexx.

I can't count how many posts I've deleted as useless because, you know, Bri isn't here. I lurk more than I post these days, but still ... Cellar is family. That's why we feel so deeply about Bri. Take your time but please stay connected.

So many books I want her to read. I haven't even looked at the new Kate Atkinson. And I finished a new-favourite author and then cried because I couldn't share it with her.

Silly ideas about stories (too verbose for children's books, but with a childish theme.) We had 101 non-fiction books to write when our ships came in. And silly ideas in equal measure. I wanted to make a coffee table book of Crazy Golf Courses of the British Seaside. Glossy photos interspered with a travelogue. And pics of us - two fat ladies - and a running total of who managed to get through the windmill first.

Amusement arcades of the Welsh Coast, because it's rarely a suitable location for outdoor activity. Seriously, we'd have ended up with our own series and been a hit both sides of the Pond.
She never even saw how much weight I'd lost.

Pretendy lottery spending. I found a new perfect house.
She liked the last one. But I've been casting my net closer to home all the time.
Seems I don't want to run away any more. Because part of me still wants to live. It's down to about 51%, but a politician will tell you that's a resounding Yes.

My potential future at Waitrose.
That was where we were going to shop when I lived in my £850k house in Thame.
She'd have liked me going there on a regular basis, for real and not daydreaming. She was always so supportive.

Dad's ongoing and conflicting diagnosis.
My health and how I got the bullet she dodged, the witch, and what spells she used.

And perhaps benefits (welfare), and perhaps time free in June/ July and perhaps Arran in the Summer.
If I do get this job I don't start til 22 July. Old debts and travel costs to hospital make it a "perhaps." No idea how I'll make it through but money is just money and as Shawnee's Dad says, "They can't kill you and they can't eat you."

So I want to focus on living. And if I can, walking through ankle high/ knee high grass, to a landscape of sacred belief an making another memorial to someone I wish I could have touched, because she touched me.

And if I can, making good food for the Limeys.
The Limes deserve my cooking when I'm at my best. Some Dwellars don't, but only because they have honed their skills to such a level my cooking would be an insult.
I'd still make them an English style cake (coffee and walnut mebbe?)

Sorry. It's all very self-indulgent.
Missing that woman pretty hard today.

I haven't visited the cellar in a while because I have been missing her so much, too. I'm getting worse instead of better. I don't want to be Debbie-Downer, but really...what is the point of life? Why fight? All the "mother-approved" religions say heaven is paradise. Why wait? Life is shitty without her around; without her sense of humor to easy the pain.

Dear Gypsy
I do know how you feel.
But, her sense of humour is still around - catch her reactions, you know what they would be, and smile to yourself. She lives on in your memories of her, of how she reacted, how she was, what she shared with you, what she taught you. Keep that alive, for everyone that knew her.
You have family and friends who would be devastated if you hurried off now.

That's erroneous thinking, gypsy. The 'why wait' stuff, that is. I think we take the next step of our journey, ideally, when we have gleaned everything we can from this step. I don't pretend to know what was in Claudette's mind in her last days except that my firm impression, from talking with her in very intimate terms about death (I have breast cancer and Claudette befriended me and guided me through the worst once I brought it up in this community), was that she wasn't thinking in those terms. It may be that, after due deliberation, she concluded that it was her time; but she never conveyed to me any sentiment of 'why wait?'.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I do understand. At least, I understand grief and despair and lack of hope. All I can say is that Claudette negated all of that in her interactions with me, that she expressed hope in the strongest possible terms, and she never gave a moment's consideration to me pursuing any other option than to move forward and appreciate and enjoy every moment.

I think life contains its own hope, its own reasons. You may, likely do, still have work to do and miracles to appreciate. The next step will still be there, Claudette will still be waiting for all those she loved and helped in this life. But she'll be busy too, I'm sure of that, and she'll want to know what you've been busy doing. Say yes to life as we know it, gypsy, until it's clear the next step is, well, your next step. PM me any time.

Depression or dependency robbed Claudette of a portion of her life. Please,Gypsy, don't allow grief to rob you of the same.

If there is such a thing as heaven, or an afterlife or continuation, then it will still be there, it will wait and it will be forever. And if such a thing exists, then it surely must be better to enter into it with a full set of memories and experiences. Because some of that human experience is otherwise surely lost forever.


I may not believe, myself, in a spiritual realm, but I believe absolutely in the bond that exists between siblings. There is a special connection between those who share a childhood. If you truly believe that there is somewhere after this, and if in that somewhere there is the barest hope that Claudette will be there, learn the lessons that she was robbed of and share them with her.

DanaC;867045 wrote:

... If there is such a thing as heaven, or an afterlife or continuation, then it will still be there, it will wait and it will be forever. ...

... but I believe absolutely in the bond that exists between siblings. There is a special connection between those who share a childhood.

But ... but what if there are 72 virgins waiting for her on the other side? Will they still be virgins by the time she gets there; or, will she have to settle for sloppy seconds because her sister has already had them? Would she really want that special connection to go on forever? It's important to consider all the angles.

SOCIAL INEPTITUDE is an anagram of POTENTIAL SUICIDE.

and vice versa

sexobon;867349 wrote:

But ... but what if there are 72 virgins waiting for her on the other side? Will they still be virgins by the time she gets there; or, will she have to settle for sloppy seconds because her sister has already had them? Would she really want that special connection to go on forever? It's important to consider all the angles.

Who cares. Maybe angles aren't important. Maybe peace is what's important. Maybe nothing is important.

ANGLES is an anagram of ANGELS.

I know this is redundant. But I honestly cannot believe she is dead. Still dead.
I know she is. She'd never let so long go by without contacting me.
But it's so wrong, so inconceivable. Stupid, amazing lady was so alive.



































And I loved her so much.

I know how you feel. It has been almost 5 months since my father passed away, and I still can't believe he's gone. I sometimes look at his desk and just stare. It still feels incredible.

Damn. I'm awfully late to this terrible news. Your mother was one of my favorite Cellarites, and we were confidantes in earlier years. I'm so sorry I was absent when all this went down. I still have her phone # in my cell. I hope you all carry on with strong hearts and souls.

Oh damn, Els. I didn't realise you didn't know.

Terrible thing. We all miss her so much.

I apologise if I'm treading on anyone's sensibilities here but I don't think I've ever lucked into any community with such a depth and breadth of feeling towards fellow members.
it'll take you a millisecond to know I've only just joined so I cannot have known Trilby and cannot share your loss personally, but reading this thread, but I think I begin to understand it.

it may seem strange but reading this thread straight through I was immediately reminded of the Deep Purple song "Above and Beyond" specifically for the line
souls having touched are forever entwined
and that pretty much applies here.
I won't degrade things by posting links but it's on youtube and well worth a listen as one person's tribute to another held in very high regard.

Yeah, you got it.

You should have seen the time we bought UT his car. Million years ago.

Funny thing is he thinks you're joking now

Edit a link to the Cellar Car thread into his post for him.

Sundae;866799 wrote:

...perhaps time free in June/ July and perhaps Arran in the Summer... walking through ankle high/ knee high grass, to a landscape of sacred belief an making another memorial to someone I wish I could have touched, because she touched me.

And if I can, making good food for the Limeys.

Missing that woman pretty hard today.

Over two years on and it all still applies.
Discussed Bri with another Dwellar earlier, and it doesn't take much to bring it all back.

Why don't people understand how fucking amazing they are when they're alive?!
It's not just hindsight on my part, I told her how blessed I was that she came into my sphere.
And I know people who she loved and who really looked out for her and did far more for her than I did feel the same guilt and shame.
That we couldn't shore up her amazing light.

I don't eulogise her because she died; I loved her passionately when she was alive. I just hurt because she's gone. It still hurts.

It's at the forefront of my mind because we went to Machrie Moor. And I can easily go for days, even weeks without thinking of her. But tonight I'm crying again, for all the things we can't share. Why couldn't she understand how irreplaceable she was?

Stone on stone. Sigh.