For those who went to Pope school and were told there's no future for a student of Pope Science, there is new hope. They were advised that job projections were terrible: with 1 position available in the world and growth projections hovering at zero, most people give up and go to Clown School or Beauty College.
But a few folks with a dream, the few who didn't give up, who believe that they can do anything, can be anything they want to be, are gearing up for what may be the biggest job search since 2005.
There are typically tens of applications for the position of Pope. Because of the stagnant economy and stalled high unemployment rates, that number is projected to rise to dozens of applications. Relocation to Vatican City is not expected to hinder the number of applicants: these days people go where the jobs are. It's a mobile economy, and being Pope has changed with the times.
Among the qualifications that are expected in the new age of Popeism are: photoshop skills, social media, HTML, customer service skills, ability to supervise a large staff, fluent in Latin, knowledge of safety requirements, and exceptional organizational skills. A background in management is helpful, but not required. A degree from an accredited Pope school is also required, but applicants with 5 or more years experience may be considered.
The candidate for Pope must be open to extensive travel; the Pope will be responsible for all regional directors and in-house managers.
Please send a current copy of your resume to:
His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI
Vatican City State, 00120
Italy
Include at least three professional references. Applications without a cover letter will not be considered.
I was thinking of having a bet on the first black Pope.
I know the odds must be good.
But that's what they want me to do, so they can take my money and laugh.
I'm keeping my £24 (ref in another thread, my winnings from a £3 bet.)
I would say they can stuff the bet up their arse... but that sounds like it might be quite fun under the right circumstances.
PS if the next Pope is black, don't expect me back for a while. I'll be mourning my potential winnings.
IM: :D
Males only need apply.
I had a friend text me this morning asking me what I think it means.
If I had to guess, I'd guess it means the same thing as when a politician suddenly resigns.
Damn, Infi, I would make a great pope but I've only got 3 years of OTJ.
:(
It never hurts to apply. Sell yourself. Use ACTION words. Think of the interview experience.
And all those other things they say to job-seekers.
It never hurts to apply. Sell yourself. Use ACTION words. Think of the interview experience.
And all those other things they say to job-seekers.
What's the use? There are probably going to be several other applicants with more experience.:sniff:
But you got style, kid, you got class. You got moxie. You're the Real McCoy. And how! Get all dolled up and apply!
OK.
Umm, can I borrow your mitre?
I had a friend text me this morning asking me what I think it means.
If I had to guess, I'd guess it means the same thing as when a politician suddenly resigns.
To spend more time with his family;)
(less time with the wife/husband of another family(officially))
He is probably just dieing and God isn't helping I'm betting he is still pissed at the Nazis for killing bunch of his favorite kids.
Dear God,
I am applying for the position of pope. As a lifelong female and atheist, I feel I can lead the church in a whole new direction more inkeeping with the current market. As you will see from my resume, in addition to the leadership skills essential for this position, i have a proven consistency and unwaivering belief that I know will bring strength and hope to those who are questioning.
smooches,
monster
1970-2012 Atheist, good person
2012 Suffered Cryptogenic Ischemic stroke
2013 Still a fucking atheist
reference:
*Flying Spaghetti Monster
*Infinite Monkey
*monster
Guy from Ghana is the front runner, wonder if that controversy will overshadow the controversy of resigning :eyebrow:
Dear God,
I am applying for the position of pope. As a lifelong female and atheist, I feel I can lead the church in a whole new direction more inkeeping with the current market. As you will see from my resume, in addition to the leadership skills essential for this position, i have a proven consistency and unwaivering belief that I know will bring strength and hope to those who are questioning.
smooches,
monster
1970-2012 Atheist, good person
2012 Suffered Cryptogenic Ischemic stroke
2013 Still a fucking atheist
reference:
*Flying Spaghetti Monster
*Infinite Monkey
*monster
Dear Monster,
Thank you for your resume and interest in this position. There are a very tiny handful of candidates applying for this job who have qualifications at least as dubious as yours. You mentioned that you recently suffered a Cryptogenic Ischemic stroke, no doubt you are aware of our faith's fondness for crypts
and the book of Genesis, we are very impressed at how you managed to work those two things together, however we are really looking for someone who can suffer the little children, if you get my drift, as such we regretfully have to decline your offer to take on the role of Pope.
We wish you luck in your further atheistic endeavors.
Sincerely,
God, p.p. St. Peter
Dear God,
I do suffer the little children. But I swear to FSM if there's one more snow day for no sodding reason whatsoever, my suffering will end.
p.s. will I get employee discount on communion whine?
p.s. will I get employee discount on communion whine?
They'll overcharge you, Monster. They use cheap wine.
that's ok, i'll charge it before i change to my papal name. I'm thinking Pope Onarope?
hmmmmm.... papal.....paypal......coincidence?
Pope Indapizza
Pope Fred
The Artist Formerly known as Pope.
Pope
Pope Daddy
Popey
P. Diddy
Popeadiddypop
So Cardinal Scola is in the hunt.. I'd like everyone to say Pope Scola three times fast cuz all the soda cans are red white and blue ones...
Recycling this from last time...
One of the more unlikely candidates for the Papacy is Cardinal Hans Grapje. Grapje was raised in a Catholic school and as a young man aspired to become a priest.
However, he was drafted into the Army during World War II and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943, resulting in the loss of his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a military chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.
After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.
In 1997, Father Grapje (now an archbishop) was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a massive cave-in, trapping scores of miners deep in the earth. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer comfort and last rites to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed and entombed him for three days; he suffered multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye.
Some time after being rescued, he developed a severe condition from his extensive underground exposure to the high silver content in the mine's air. It is characterized by purplish skin blotches and is found in many life-long silver miners.
For his heroism and selfless service to others, the church elevated him to Cardinal.
Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders felt that he could never ascend to the Papacy.
The Church just couldn't accept a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple papal leader.
Thanks folks, I'll be here for eternity, unless I retire, try the flesh and blood of your saviour.
How I fell for that, I'll never know. It's one of those mysteries...
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