RANT WARNING
The hardest thing sbout having a stroke is the other people needing reassurance.
Firstly, they want to know what you did wrong so they can be sure they're not doing it too.
Secondly, they want to know you're doing OK and getting better and expected to make a full recovery so they can get on with their lives and not feel guilty about it.
They don't want to hear it's the type of thing that can happen to anyone. I wonder why they're not reassured by "it's OK, rest easy, I've taken the bullet for my circle of friends, you're good...."
Sounds cynical? maybe. maybe not. what was your first thought when you learned I had a stroke? My first thought was "well the eonly bad thing I do is drink too much beer...must be the beer.... (doc said no). So then I thought, better me than my kid (once they compared me to the heathy young athletes who drop dead without warning)
People, I can't reassure you. This IS the random shit that happens to anyone. could have been one of my kids, I'm thankful it isn't although to be honest, it affects allof us equally. So I have to deal with not being able to drive and my vision being fuzzy and my limbs weak.... we all have to deal with me being taken out of control of the beestmonster calendar and excursions. Ican't even begin to describe the clusterfuck that happened to Hebe's ride this weekend.....but I'm sure I will soon......
and we all have to deal with my mourning of my loss and we all have to dealwith the depreddion snd snxiety and emotion and mood swings that come with most strokes.
So please, don't seek reassurance from me right now. Also, don't ask for or expect personal updates. I have snough difficulty updating myself. If somwthing bad happens, you will know. If something good happens, I'll be too busy enjoying it to update you. Please assume no news is good news and get the fuck out there and enjoy your life.
Awesome. I'll get to it first thing in the morning. Thanks.
monster, maybe people actually just care about you and want you to be well again (or as well as you can possibly get), and they want you to know that you are valued and loved in order to bolster your spirit and give you strength.
It could be just me, but when I read the first post about what happened to you, my first thought was 'thank god she's still here and fighting'. Maybe if I try to analyse it I'll find some ulterior motive to my thoughts, but mostly I was just glad you weren't dead.
eta: or worse, a total vegetable.
^WSS^
I look forward to no news from you ;)
You deserve to rant and feel the way you do. I'm sorry for your losses, but I'm glad you're still here to rant and fight and spit and be monster and be whatever else you want to be.
these three nuns are walking through the park, when out jumps a flasher in a London Fog Overcoat.
The flasher throws open his coat, revealing his naked male body to the nuns, and begins to wag his member back and forth.
The first Nun has a stroke.
The SECOND Nun also has a stroke.
wait for it.....
The Third Nun refused to touch it.
I know, all and I'm sorry, i was jusr trying to find somewhere pseudoanon to be ungratful and hold my pity party. I'll tak e it somewhere else, I know you care snd you're all wonderful. I'm sorry
The things one learns in Catholic school... :3_eyes:
Carry on Monster our hand is on your back...
I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feeeling, but it all gets so "weighty".
I'm reminded of the scene in crocodile Dundee where he's wondering why they all have shrinks.
I know, all and I'm sorry, i was jusr trying to find somewhere pseudoanon to be ungratful and hold my pity party. I'll tak e it somewhere else, I know you care snd you're all wonderful. I'm sorry
Pretend you're talking to me then.
You can rant here all you like. Share your life, even if it ain't pretty. We can't help with rides and stuff, but the least we can do is let you vent here.
By the time I heard, people were saying you were in the hospital and stable. My first thought was holy shit, the sun exploded how are the planets going to stay in orbit.
From years of posts about your hectic schedule, it was clear there was a lot of people, not just immediate family, who depended on you to make the Sun come up on a regular basis. Maybe now they'll appreciate how much you did... nah, they'll just blame you for letting them down.
I was cheered by the feistiness of your post, you'll handle it.:thumb:
I have been not replying much to this topic, because I really don't want to just spew platitudes.... and get wells... this seems to me to be much more frightening and life alteringly serious than you're letting on. You go 100 mph all the time, and now you're gonna have to take it slow. At least in the near term... It must be making you nuts. I'm really sorry this shit happened to you, dude.
You can be not-your-best with us. yell at us preemptively, or in response to things... or cry or act like a loon, or type like you have 2 left hands... any of that's fine, and you know you don't need me to tell you so. Just do what you need to do to heal, and take care of your family. We'll get over it if you scorch the earth a bit in the process.
two left hands?! you insensitive bastard, don't you know monster's all right now?
This is definitely the place to bring the rants and the pityparties. Do not fucking apologise to us about that because we all love you here. It is because we all love you you that you should bring your crap (pseudoanoymous or not) right here and let it all (ALL) hang out. Now. M'kay?
Oh, and whut Jim said, too (not about the nuns).
You keep your pity party right here, lady. I think you and I respond to crises in much the same way, and I agree that for me, too, the hardest part of dealing with shitty things is having to deal with the other people dealing with you having shitty things. Do what you gotta do, we'll still be here when you get back.
these three nuns are walking through the park, when out jumps a flasher in a London Fog Overcoat.
The flasher throws open his coat, revealing his naked male body to the nuns, and begins to wag his member back and forth.
The first Nun has a stroke.
The SECOND Nun also has a stroke.
wait for it.....
The Third Nun refused to touch it.
I was going to suggest in my reply that "Monster could reach it" A variation on that joke where the third one couldn't reach it, but I thought no one would catch the reference.
I was cheered by the feistiness of your post, you'll handle it.:thumb:
Me too, my first thought was "Ahh, good old Monster is back in fine form. Her left pinky seems to be doing it's own thing, but YEAH! MONSTER TIME! POLKA DOT POLKA DOT AFRO!
two left hands?! you insensitive bastard, don't you know monster's all right now?
:eyebrow:
[solicitous nurse] I'm sorry, Mr.V visiting hours are over. Monster needs her rest now.[/solicitous nurse]
Rant away Monster - it's good for the soul. Glad you're doing better !!
thanks now Im crying again. I just made an appt with a specislist in the vision thingy. I'm been warned that he may not be able to do anything for months, but at least I've made a start in the area that I felt i was being "let down" in.
But you know, some people are just really really thoughtless in the way they ask after my health. yes, it's nice they care, and I'm sure many of them are trying to empathise when they say things like "omg it could just have easily been me" but really, what emotionally weak, depressed and sleeep-deprived brain-damage patient wouldn't take that as 'thank god it wasn't me!"? And the ones who persist in trying to find something in my lifestyle/bodily make-up/medical history to explain it. "are they sure it isn't due to birth control pills? Did they say it couldn't be that?" Well no, but given that I don't take them it's a pretty fair bet it's not..... "of course I take the ones with less stroke risk associated...." :rolleyes: yes, I really did have an email exchange like that with someone. A normal nice intelligent and empathetic someone.
I posted about my stroke on facebook for several reasons. (1) it shouldn't be a taboo topic. Unexplained strokes in healthy young people do happen and are scary. hug your loved ones, folks (2) People can answer their questions without having to ask, and can feel that the topic is open if they do have questions (3) I can tell each story a couple times less. I know you feel special ifI have a one-on-one with you, and you are special, but I am also trying to devote as much of my time to getting better as possible and the moment you made in your schedule to call me to get the real personal version of events was going to be my nap time. And no, I'm not going to tell you that, i'm going to be nice and stay and chat with you until you have to go to pick up your kids....... so yes, it's my own fault that I'm overwhelmed by it all. All I needed was a little rant. I didn't say it was rational or reasonable.
Monster, at the risk of being a pioneer in the "You know what helped my friend..." I'll just say I've known a lot of people of all ages who've had strokes. Most of them made a full recovery after a while. The guywho teaches our African Drumming class has had a series of them. The first one left him a mess. He'd been a concert pianist and that was over. Some how he got into African Drumming as a kind of physical therapy and began to improve rapidly. He attributes his recovery to drumming and has since become an "evangelical" African Drumming instructor. His subsequent strokes resolved quicker than the first one.
I'm not saying you should take up African Drumming. Just sharing that I know lots of folks who've had strokes and they've all dealt with them different ways and they are all doing well now.
When will they let you drink beer again? That's really what's important.
thanks footsie. I can't talk about beer. :(
It's not really the same thing, but my aunt, whose husband is now in a nursing home because he doesn't have long to live thanks to dementia, asked me to spread the word among the family that she didn't want to hear one single person say, "how's Frank" on Christmas night. not because she doesn't care or her heart isn't breaking. Just because she's sick of saying the same thing, but trying to put it nicely instead of saying, "Well, he's shithouse actually. He's violent and can't remember shit and he hates his life and wants to die."
I wasn't trying to be insensitive to your rant monster. I just hoped you weren't cynical enough to believe that there are a lot of people who don't think of themselves and how your situation affects them before they think of you.
I used to get the shits every time someone told me how great I looked thanks to losing 20kg during pregnancy. Yeah, I look better, but I felt like shit at the time and you telling me I looked good didn't help at all, even though I know you meant it in the nicest possible way. I'm sure you know what I mean.
See, to me...'get the shits' means you have diarreah. So your post has conjured some interesting imagery.....
Nice Jim. I hope you're enjoying it. ;)
It affects those of us who love you. People don't know what to say or do. Another friend is dealing with the pain of a lifetime and i think i should be stronger but i'm just not. I want to carry the pain for everyone because i! Am selfish and cannot, cannot deal with the pain of others. Maybe that's why my fam can't discuss the death or the work troubles with me...they can't handle it?
I don't know what to do or what to say. I am your friend but i am not good at it. I feel fucking awful for you, i feel fucking awful for my ex and the loss of his (and mine,very much also mine) friend.
I can't see two feet in front of me right now but i love you and care about you. I know i should be able to do more. I just don't know what,or even if i can.
infi you've been great, thanks. sorry everyone. im not ungrateful really. I'm just majorly depresed and looking for a non-judgemental place where i can scream about the unfairness of it all. whilst being thorougjly unfair myself. I just wanted to avoid screaming on facebook
Yeah, you can bitch all you like here, and you know what? You don't even have to contain it in this thread. Spread it all over the board. I know most of the rest of us do when we feel so shitty and mostly it's not even close to what you're going through.
Have at it. When you've complained as much as I did during my last pregnancy you might get to say sorry for complaining, but till then, just do it. ;)
eta: btw, you have plenty of room to move yet. lol
um??? did I hijack something, I'm sorry -mods can delete :( I assure you I wasn't drunk, just stupid.
You haven't been unfair nor have you been ungrateful. And yeah, you're stupid. That makes me short bus material.
Like it or not, you are loved. In fact, I'm hugging you right now. Oh you hate that, don't you? ;)
I think you're a caretaker and this is very difficult for you, to not be able to do everything you do. But that doesn't change the whole point of you being on this earth...which is very important: to your family, and to your friends, and to all those who are offshoots of all those things you do. You are still taking care of stuff, and taking care of yourself is part of that.
Urgh, I can't say the right things. I hope you catch what I mean.
um??? did I hijack something, I'm sorry -mods can delete :( I assure you I wasn't drunk, just stupid.
You hijacked our hearts and minds. Who do you think you are, the U.S. government?
monster, I think the important thing is that you are still here, and have folks IRL and here (which is pretty close to RL, come to think of it) that support you and care. rant away. Revel in the fact that you still can.
You hijacked our hearts and minds. Who do you think you are, the U.S. government?
:lol:
not after gravdigr's comment about brain damage. cellar I am disappoint :cry:
d'you see me "joking" about you losing your girls?
Ummm...isn't it sarge that's lost his girls?
monster - so what if you are a little brain damaged?? most folks won't be able to notice because you sure seem the same to me....
of course i'm just trying to make a little joke. i hope it made you smile
Ummm...isn't it sarge that's lost his girls?
This was done with no malice. I am truly sorry for my feeble attempt at a jest
oh I see. Sorry. I thought you were referring to gravs comments in the meta thread.
I'll keep my nose out.
Once again, sorry.
This was done with no malice. I am truly sorry for my feeble attempt at a jest
ur forgiven thanks for the apology. it's just a little too recent and extent still unknown to be funny. and especially when it comes from the other source that I read first.