The Cellar Burger

monster • Apr 20, 2012 11:09 pm
Creat your ideal burger in the poll. The top 6 or so items will become The Cellar Burger. You are then challenged to create, photograph and post a Cellar Burger. You may then eat it.

The bun with be a bun of your choice and so not included in the poll.
jimhelm • Apr 20, 2012 11:58 pm
Awesome thread idea!
monster • Apr 21, 2012 12:13 am
:D
Perry Winkle • Apr 21, 2012 12:13 am
I'm guessing it's me and Jim who went Bacon, Extra Bacon. (I would have picked Even More Bacon and All The Bacon, if they had been an options.)
jimhelm • Apr 21, 2012 1:01 am
Twas zippeh.

Hit the numbers and you can see who voted for what
zippyt • Apr 21, 2012 1:40 am
BAAAAACon makes EVVVVVERY thing betterererer !!!!!!
ZenGum • Apr 21, 2012 9:18 am
What? No Beetroot? What madness and poverty is this?


I'm serious. When I say "burger with the lot" I want beetroot as well as pineapple.
Griff • Apr 21, 2012 9:32 am
No provolone? Philistines.
Sundae • Apr 21, 2012 9:32 am
Living upside down affects the brain badly.
I know about beetroot in burgers from GBK's Kiwi.
Beetroot, egg, pineapple, aged cheddar, salad, mayo & relish. If you want to help save the Kiwi add a 25p voluntary donation


I think only Antipodeans ever order them though :worried:

My selection would pretty much be my ideal burger. It doesn't exist naturally in the wild though. Same as my ideal pizza or breakfast. I'm always having to pay for things I don't want and ask for them to be taken off, or the things I would like aren't available as additional items (or work out ridiculously expensive).

We're not good at personalising orders in this country.
Clodfobble • Apr 21, 2012 10:15 am
I am disappointed at the poor showing of Egg so far. A burger with a fried egg on it is awesome.
Sundae • Apr 21, 2012 10:23 am
I could build a second burger and include egg quite happily.
But not with blue cheese.
footfootfoot • Apr 21, 2012 10:31 am
The term "extra bacon" is somewhat questionable. How can you put extra of something of which there is never enough in the first place? It's sort of like saying extra infinity. That maybe OK for the calculus wags but not really a practical everyday possibility.

cf: [SIZE="1"]you can never have too much water in a nuclear reactor [/SIZE]
wolf • Apr 21, 2012 11:17 am
Double burger, swiss, bacon, extra bacon, ketchup, and pineapple.

I might have liked BBQ and steak sauces as well.

The pineapple, frankly, was an afterthought, but I do like the sweetness it imparts.

Perhaps if a dolph-ark were woven out of the bacon ...
monster • Apr 21, 2012 12:58 pm
Next week, pizza........ all unloved and unusual toppings mentioned here will be fair game for pizza (up to 25) :D
Aliantha • Apr 21, 2012 6:45 pm
Yeah, I was looking for the beetroot. And the grated carrot.
monster • Apr 21, 2012 8:36 pm
Alright, we'll have beetroot as a write-in. All those in favor/favour should mention it (gawd i hope it gets voted off the island, bleuch! :vomit:)
monster • Apr 21, 2012 8:40 pm
Hmm. we're not very adventurous, are we? Unless you count cholesterol challenges as adventurous.....

two patties, bacon, cheddar, cooked onion, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mayo and pickle......
fargon • Apr 21, 2012 8:51 pm
This is a challenge that I am willing to accept. Also you forgot jalapenos.
monster • Apr 21, 2012 9:31 pm
That's because they are not food.
jimhelm • Apr 21, 2012 9:50 pm
Clodfobble;807652 wrote:
I am disappointed at the poor showing of Egg so far. A burger with a fried egg on it is awesome.


And to think I used to idolize you.
jimhelm • Apr 21, 2012 9:51 pm
monster;807758 wrote:
Hmm. we're not very adventurous, are we? Unless you count cholesterol challenges as adventurous.....

two patties, bacon, cheddar, cooked onion, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mayo and pickle......


Proof that individually, we are brilliant, but collectively, we are sheep. Demographics win again. Sigh.
footfootfoot • Apr 21, 2012 10:06 pm
How is it that Bacon , Lettuce, and Tomato outrank hamburger patties on the cellar burger list?

It would seem that the cellar burger is a BLT, which would be awesome.
Undertoad • Apr 21, 2012 10:12 pm
There is something perfect about the combination of good, ripe beefsteak tomatoes and mayonnaise.
jimhelm • Apr 21, 2012 10:44 pm
Word
monster • Apr 21, 2012 11:03 pm
footfootfoot;807769 wrote:
How is it that Bacon , Lettuce, and Tomato outrank hamburger patties on the cellar burger list?

It would seem that the cellar burger is a BLT, which would be awesome.


because the beef patties are split into two subfields -one or two. The ideal burger clearly has 1.57 patties.
monster • Apr 21, 2012 11:04 pm
Undertoad;807770 wrote:
There is something perfect about the combination of good, ripe beefsteak tomatoes and mayonnaise.


So why in the fuck are we tainting it with pickles?
footfootfoot • Apr 22, 2012 12:56 am
monster;807775 wrote:
because the beef patties are split into two subfields -one or two. The ideal burger clearly has 1.57 patties.


Not to put too fine a point on it but even their combined score only narrowly edges out bacon for first place in the ideal burger.

In fact, our local butcher sells bacon hamburger. It's 50-50 bacon and ground beef.
Gravdigr • Apr 22, 2012 9:51 am
I've had the fried-egg-on-a-cheeseburger. Wasn't bad. Wouldn't wake up craving it, but, it wasn't bad.
Gravdigr • Apr 22, 2012 9:54 am
footfootfoot;807786 wrote:
In fact, our local butcher sells bacon hamburger. It's 50-50 bacon and ground beef.


That. Is. Genius.

Purely out of speculation here, but, uh, what would such a delicacy as that go for?

:yum:
footfootfoot • Apr 22, 2012 12:07 pm
Gravdigr;807824 wrote:
That. Is. Genius.

Purely out of speculation here, but, uh, what would such a delicacy as that go for?

:yum:


It's about $3.50 a pound. I'm sure the bacon is ends and pieces, (a treat in itself- they go for about $10/ 3 pounds)) stuff that doesn't make a proper looking slice. His prices are very reasonable considering how good the meat is.

The guy makes and stocks about 20 different sausages, all about $5.95/ lb.

All of them awesome except for the chicken sausages; they are always too dry no matter how I cook them. Might have to ask him if I'm doing something wrong or if they are exceptionally fat free.
infinite monkey • Apr 22, 2012 12:25 pm
mayo belongs in your yucky chicken salads or potato salads or whatever other foods you ruin with it. Please, think of the burgers.

At some point, there's just way too much going on a la 'food'
Sundae • Apr 22, 2012 1:29 pm
monster;807758 wrote:
two patties, bacon, cheddar, cooked onion, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mayo and pickle......

Democracy in action. Our burger only succeeds where our tastes overlap.
Of the above I only chose 2 x burgers, bacon and lettuce.
Happy Monkey • Apr 23, 2012 1:15 pm
footfootfoot;807786 wrote:
In fact, our local butcher sells bacon hamburger. It's 50-50 bacon and ground beef.
That's all well and good, but you still need to add bacon, because the bacon inside the burger won't get cooked enough.
wolf • Apr 23, 2012 2:15 pm
Pickles are tools of the devil. They are not food.
Gravdigr • Apr 23, 2012 4:12 pm
The only time I eat pickles are sweet pickles w/cheese.

I know...
Gravdigr • Apr 23, 2012 4:50 pm
footfootfoot;807848 wrote:
It's about $3.50 a pound. I'm sure the bacon is ends and pieces, (a treat in itself- they go for about $10/ 3 pounds)) stuff that doesn't make a proper looking slice. His prices are very reasonable considering how good the meat is.

The guy makes and stocks about 20 different sausages, all about $5.95/ lb.

All of them awesome except for the chicken sausages; they are always too dry no matter how I cook them. Might have to ask him if I'm doing something wrong or if they are exceptionally fat free.


Thanks feet.
Rhianne • Apr 25, 2012 3:42 pm
[SIZE="4"]NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE PRODUCTION OF THIS BURGER![/SIZE]

Today.

A mushroom/chickpea/bean burger in a crusty wholemeal roll with
iceberg lettuce,
cucumber,
red bell pepper (capsicum),
raw onion,
a veggie chili cheddar cheese (something like 97% of UK cheeses are now 'vegetarian'),
a tomato based relish.

NO BACON!

--
Sundae • Apr 25, 2012 3:54 pm
Now, see I could enjoy that.
Except for the tom and the komkommer.

And no butter or margarine!!! Eurgh!
Garlic mayo, maybe (can't remember if you are vegan or not)
Rhianne • Apr 25, 2012 4:11 pm
No, not vegan - the cheese is a bit of a giveaway!

There is a little sunflower spread on there too actually - you can see it next to the cucumber.
Sundae • Apr 25, 2012 4:13 pm
Rhianne;808508 wrote:
No, not vegan - the cheese is a bit of a giveaway!.

True, but coulda been vegan "cheese". I didn't want to assume.
There is a little sunflower spread on there too actually - you can see it next to the cucumber.

That's what I was referring to. Gag, gag...
Rhianne • Apr 25, 2012 4:21 pm
Sundae;808509 wrote:
vegan "cheese"


Gawd, that stuff truly is awful - never try it!
Flint • Apr 25, 2012 5:38 pm
Jalapeno.
zippyt • Apr 25, 2012 5:56 pm
Jalapeno
Naa they mess with my stomic
monster • Apr 25, 2012 10:36 pm
Current Cellar Burger has no cheese!!!!!

2 beef patties, bacon, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mayo

how dull.
jimhelm • Apr 26, 2012 12:21 am
Great thread idea.

Total thread realization fail due to shitty average taste effect.

lesson learned:

While, individually, we rule... Collectively, we suck.
DanaC • Apr 26, 2012 6:09 am
Rhianne;808510 wrote:
Gawd, that stuff truly is awful - never try it!


Tried it....tastes fucking bizarre. Well....more the texture.

*slight shudder*

Mind you...I really do not get this whole string cheese thing either. I tried some that my niece had once...didn't taste in anyway like food.
DanaC • Apr 26, 2012 6:10 am
The cellar burger sounds quite nice. I like a little mayo on a burger sometimes.

But no cheese?

Sorry but that's just wrong.
Sundae • Apr 26, 2012 6:11 am
monster;808581 wrote:
Current Cellar Burger has no cheese!!!!!how dull.

When you split the cheese vote we all lose :sniff:
Trilby • Apr 26, 2012 6:14 am
I'd like teriyaki sauce and pineapple and very crisp bacon.
on a toasted roll. Dill pickle on side. And homemade rootbeer.
ZenGum • Apr 26, 2012 8:23 am
Sundae;808622 wrote:
When you split the cheese vote we all lose :sniff:


That's actually a very interesting observation.

RWN, the votes are:

One beef 10
Two beef 13

Total beef 23

American cheese 4
Cheddar cheese 10
Swiss cheese 4
Blue cheese 6

Total cheese 24.

Yet no cheese has been elected.


I blame Diebold.


Seriously, it shows what is wrong with the simple "first past the post" election systems.
infinite monkey • Apr 26, 2012 8:25 am
Hold the pickle hold the lettuce
Special orders don't upset us
All we ask is that you let us serve it your way...
jimhelm • Apr 26, 2012 10:14 am
ZenGum;808639 wrote:
That's actually a very interesting observation.

RWN, the votes are:

One beef 10
Two beef 13

Total beef 23

American cheese 4
Cheddar cheese 10
Swiss cheese 4
Blue cheese 6

Total cheese 24.

Yet no cheese has been elected.


I blame Diebold.


Seriously, it shows what is wrong with the simple "first past the post" election systems.


If we combine Cheddar and bleu, that's 16, and then we could put BOTH on there.



Bri, that teryaki/ pineapple burger sounds fargin awesome. I'm totally making that Sunday with my kids. I'm thinking it needs a little horseradish sauce AND SOME STEAK FRIES! with malted vinegar!
infinite monkey • Apr 26, 2012 10:17 am
Please. No. No Bleu. Please.

What about limburger?
ZenGum • Apr 26, 2012 10:18 am
Fie! Enough of this tampering with the democratic process! The burger shall be as the will of the people mandates!

I don't like it any more than you, but cheese lost.
jimhelm • Apr 26, 2012 10:23 am
do over!

now that the perils of this voting mechanism have illuminated themselves.

we should vote for all of the things we find acceptable on a burger without respect to their interaction.
that way, the collectively least gross ingredients will rise out of the morass.

I was building the best burger I could out of the ingredients available. If this is going to be a democratic burger, I think we should re-poll and keep that in mind
infinite monkey • Apr 26, 2012 10:25 am
ZenGum;808675 wrote:
Fie! Enough of this tampering with the democratic process! The burger shall be as the will of the people mandates!

I don't like it any more than you, but cheese lost.


The cheese stands alone. :sniff:
ZenGum • Apr 26, 2012 10:30 am
The election was held fair and square, it's no use complaining now.
Anyway, it should never have been allowed, since there's no place for religion in politics. Keep your faith in cheeses a private thing. :p:
infinite monkey • Apr 26, 2012 10:36 am
But I belong to the Cheese Party. Our symbol is a cheese snake, and our motto is "Don't Bread on Me."

And we don't eat Freedom Cheese. Mon bleu!
jimhelm • Apr 26, 2012 10:41 am
Motion to re poll!

Seconds?
infinite monkey • Apr 26, 2012 10:46 am
Motion to stop posting around me.

Seconds? Yeah, I'd like another, please.
Sundae • Apr 26, 2012 10:46 am
Cheeses of Nazareth?

Re things I enjoy on a burger as opposed to building a burger which sits together well would give me a very different result.
I doubt the outcome overall would be significantly different.
Things I cannot stand would still be on there (I'm looking at you, raw tomato)
infinite monkey • Apr 26, 2012 10:49 am
I want this on my burger:

Beef. Cheddar. Ketchup. Roof shingles. Wintergreen gum. Mustard. Slice of Pizza. Hamhocks. Road salt. Banana. Mush. Oatmeal. Marshmallows. Pine tree. Milk bone.
Sundae • Apr 26, 2012 10:55 am
I'm trying to get hold of a piece of pork shin cured Italian style called Stinco.
If I can find some at a reasonable price, I'd be happy to add Stinco to my burger.
LabRat • Apr 26, 2012 1:55 pm
No cheese? Burger Heresy!!
DanaC • Apr 26, 2012 2:11 pm
Yo!!!

Nice :)
classicman • Apr 26, 2012 4:26 pm
Sundae;808622 wrote:
When you cut the cheese [strike]vote[/strike] we all lose :sniff:
infinite monkey • Apr 26, 2012 4:28 pm
[YOUTUBE]XKunj97s08Q[/YOUTUBE]
jimhelm • Apr 26, 2012 4:50 pm
[YOUTUBE]7iBY7Yirq60[/YOUTUBE]
Sundae • May 1, 2012 2:44 pm
It wasn't my ideal, but I did have it today.
I blame the Cellar.

Gourmet Beef Burger
Topped with two bacon slices and a Stilton, Shropshire blue & spring onion sauce. Includes six beer-battered whole onion rings.

I didn't eat the bun (just too much for me) and I hoiked out the tomato.
monster • May 1, 2012 3:50 pm
Had forgotten what British bacon looks like......
BigV • May 1, 2012 4:22 pm
forgotten? I *still* don't know what it looks like.
monster • May 1, 2012 4:24 pm
look in the Ayelsbury thread for a better pic. But it's that floppy pink thing.
infinite monkey • May 3, 2012 11:21 am
The 25 Best Burgers in the US.

http://www.delish.com/food-fun/best-burgers

I don't even know what this means, but it sounds like crap. Can't a burger just be a burger?

Star chef Tony Maws adds bone marrow and dehydrated miso to his Bar Burger, and cooks it in a low heat CVap oven, followed by a quick char on the plancha.
glatt • May 3, 2012 11:29 am
I had to look up a few of those things. A CVap oven is just an oven. And a plancha is just a flat solid grill. You know, like a short order cook will scramble eggs on and make grilled cheese sandwiches on?

The dude bakes a burger and then grills it. But first, he puts bone powder in it. Yuk. And miso? Maybe that's good. At least it's a flavor.
infinite monkey • May 3, 2012 11:38 am
Hmmmm, miso and bones. Does that make Miso Horny?
Sundae • May 3, 2012 11:52 am
Well it might do if you like a salty mouthful.
infinite monkey • May 3, 2012 1:15 pm
infinite monkey;809966 wrote:
Hmmmm, miso and bones. Does that make Miso Horny?


Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. Don't try the burger. :drummer:
BigV • May 3, 2012 1:29 pm
tha's a boner groaner.
monster • May 3, 2012 5:22 pm
marrow is not bone.
infinite monkey • May 4, 2012 8:32 am
Whew. I was wondering when you'd exact revenge for the whole duck/duct thing. :lol:
monster • May 4, 2012 1:25 pm
::lulls infi into a false sense of security::

:evil2:
infinite monkey • May 4, 2012 1:29 pm
Security is always a false sense. ;)