Questionable Headlines

There may be a thread like this, I was too lazy to look.

Anywho, I got a bunch of these in email, and thought I'd share. These make you wonder.

part 1

part 2

Is missing a brain a required criteria to work for a paper?

I don't know how many are real or not...don't care 'cause they're funny, but the best one I ever saw IRL was in the early 90s when I was working at the bar. The owner cut out a headline from our tiny local paper: Bush After a Quick Peace.

It hung there for years. I bet someone still has it.

TASTELESS JOKE ALERT...

Once saw an ad for:

"Paraplegics' Dance Friday Night..."

*snickers*

I have a book that's a compilation of Jay Leno Headline News (back when he was really funny) and there's a whole section on 'plunging buses.' Buses plunge, a LOT, apparently.

You have to wonder how many of those were intentional.

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No shit.

I LOLED.

I wonder if they had to hack a phone to get that information?

good shit

WITHF? (What In The Holy Fuck?)

[SIZE="1"]"Glee-ful accident" my ass...[/SIZE]:headshake

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Yah. That Glee-ful accident looks pretty grim.

That're? Really?

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That that're saved a whole half-space!

Unfortunate picture for the headline...

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:cool:

Depends on what she wants to use it *for*.

In related news....ok that's a stretch but:

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:lol2: Here's the story, if'n you be so inclined.

Yeah, it's been going around for a while, but, here it is again:

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An oldie but a goodie...

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Man-eating tacos???

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That last headline...wtf?

Insane. How about this one? Family members ejected by police from graduation ceremony for clapping and cheering for their graduate.

[YOUTUBE]ec-oWyh0WGI[/YOUTUBE]

from the youtube comments:

May 29, 2009 Atlanta, GA Last evening during the graduation ceremony of Maynard Jackson class of 2009, several family members of graduating seniors were ejected from the civic center for clapping and cheering their loved ones by officers of the Atlanta Police Department. Family members were told at the beginning of the ceremony not to clap until the entire graduating class names had been called. However, family members excited that their loved ones were graduating and overcome with emotion, chose to civilly disobey by clapping and self-removing themselves in some cases. In other cases, officers personally escorted them out of the event. One father expressed outrage by saying its a sad day when you come to a graduation that is filled with police and are asked to leave your own daughters graduation because you display excitement about moment. Police officers had no comment.

There are some seriously uptight administrators out there. Control freak much?

Colston said she was told by an assistant principal, before graduation, that she could not wear the honor cord. She said she took her grandfather's advice and wore it under her gown. That way, "I would know it was there" and "I wouldn't be breaking any rules," she said.

Even though the cord was not visible, Bolden made her take it off and give it to her mother after he learned she was wearing it under her gown. Colston said when she got back to her seat-approximately 10 minutes before the ceremony began-security guards escorted her out of the building.

A student was ejected from her graduation ceremony for wearing a cord UNDER her gown. FFS. Under the gown? What if she was wearing a secret decoder ring she'd merely gotten from a box of cracker jacks or a crucifix on a necklace but hadn't been baptized? Ejected?

wtf is an honor cord?

Fall 2000?

DanaC;816005 wrote:

wtf is an honor cord?

KANSAS -- Completing course work may not be enough to attend graduation ceremonies at Schlagle High School in Kansas City.

Mary Colston was ejected from her graduation ceremony in May after a dispute with administrators over an honor cord she was wearing that signified her membership in Quill and Scroll, the national honor society for student journalists.

Colston said school officials told her she could not wear the cord because only students who were members of the National Honor Society are allowed to wear their cords. Colston said Schlagle principal Doug Bolden told her it was tradition. Colston said she does not believe him.

"I got letters sent to me from parents of previous graduates that said, 'Hey, I have a picture of my son or daughter wearing that award at graduation shaking [Bolden's] hand,'" Colston said. "So you know that's not true."

Bolden did not return calls made to his office by the Report.

Colston said she was told by an assistant principal, before graduation, that she could not wear the honor cord. She said she took her grandfather's advice and wore it under her gown. That way, "I would know it was there" and "I wouldn't be breaking any rules," she said.

Even though the cord was not visible, Bolden made her take it off and give it to her mother after he learned she was wearing it under her gown. Colston said when she got back to her seat-approximately 10 minutes before the ceremony began-security guards escorted her out of the building.

"I worked really hard throughout high school for that," Colston said. "My family was just really really proud of what I had done. I worked so hard for it, and I just couldn't believe that it had been taken away so easily."

School district superintendent Ray Daniels said in a statement that the honor cord policy will be reviewed before next year's ceremony to make sure "all students are honored for their academic accomplishments."

Colston, who said she wanted to be a writer since she was four years old, plans to attend a community college in the fall.

Colston's membership in Quill and Scroll is based on both academic and journalistic achievement.
[COLOR="Red"]
Although Bolden threatened to withhold Colston's diploma for a year, a district representative delivered it to her the following day.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="Red"]
Cock![/COLOR]

Were I her father, I'd hope for a Texas Grand Jury.

Ta muchly!

I went and wiki'd some more. A lot of them seem to be international, but started in America. It's not something I've ever come across m'self.

Fall 2000?

I blame Clinton.

Undertoad;816098 wrote:

Fall 2000?

I blame Clinton.

Because it was under the gown, right? :eyebrow:

It's not psychic.

what about psy-chic?

I think it may be someone's sidekick, if that helps any?

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:lol2:

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"Pumping ferociously???"
Bwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

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story here.

Excellent story.

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Hahaha. I like that.

ZenGum;816281 wrote:

Topless feminist disrupts psychic pig's feeding time

You have GOT to be shitting me. That is probably the best actual headline, ever. Life is good.

[CENTER]Man with world's largest penis frisked by TSA at Calif. airport[/CENTER]

"I had my 'stuff' strapped to the left. I wasn't erect at the time. One of the guards asked if my pockets were empty and I said, 'Yes.'"
When a pat-down led to suspicion that Falcon might be carrying a foreign object in his pants, he was led through X-ray body scanners and a metal detector.
A puzzled TSA agent asked him if he had "some sort of growth." Falcon, amused, said no. But he told The Huffiington Post that well, he does have a growth.
Falcon said that after TSA officials had confirmed that the "package" was a only a natural appendage, they appeared to interpret it as a new kind of biological threat. He tells how the young security guard who gave him a pat down appeared intimidated, taking extra care to pat gingerly around his prominence. Falcon told the TSA official, "It's my d**k." He said: "He gave me a pat down but made sure to go around [it] with his hands. They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing."

Read more:

:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:
:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:

Reminded me of this:

[YOUTUBE]2F0hIc65B-g[/YOUTUBE]

strapped?

I'm honestly glad I don't have to strap anything. That would be a nuisance.

I was gonna take a pic of my forearm and a ruler to visualize 13.5 inches. And I did. But, look in the background, at the commercial on the tv...


'Go long' indeed.

:lol2:

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Umm Grav...why were you measuring your arm?

DanaC;820677 wrote:

Umm Grav...why were you measuring your arm?

classicman;820600 wrote:

[CENTER]Man with world's largest penis frisked by TSA at Calif. airport[/CENTER]

Read more:

Dude should go through the airport again.

On viagra.

Ahhh...ok :p

Just. Stop. Raining.

Yo dawg, I heard you like news, so I put a news headline in a news story so you can read the news while you read the news.

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Yeah, that would not be fun. having a 13.5" schlonse, I mean. It would be fun SOMETIMES... like at a party, you could chase people around with it... or win bets or something... but unless you had a girl with an equally large vahjayjay, you'd NEVER get to sink it to the bezel. And you'd get light headed when you got hard.... the airport would be the least of the inconveniences.
nsfw!
[YOUTUBE]Y6Qr9KNKKYw[/YOUTUBE]

I hope that was just a "comedy" anecdote.
Exposing yourself in a public place makes you a skeez in my book.

That said, I'd hate to fall head over heels in love with a man with a 13.5" cock.
OWWWWW.
I'd prefer 4" [COLOR="White"](better for anal too)[/COLOR]

Ahem...Hi, my name's Gravdigr, and I like long walks on the beach, sunsets...

What, like, in their arms???

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Bath salts-related story here.

No, it clearly says they caught him in his underwear.

I hope it was elasticised.

Offered without comment...

*snort*

I was watching Daily Show the other night, and they were looking at Romney's ill-fated trip to various friendly countries, my own included. Is it silly that I got a warm and fuzzy feeling when Jon referred to Britain as 'our greatest ally' ?

Means little to me coming from a politician, but it gave me alittle lift hearing it from a comedian :p

Yabbut its one of those unhealthy relationships, because we like you more than you like us. Also we have been getting secret admirer notes from Canada for a while.

[size=1]but canada, she is cold! she likes touching us sometimes, but other times she says ew gross! she sure doesn't put out like that hotty australia![/size]

On the contrary. We pretend to not like you as much as you like us, but really we're insecure and needy and require constant reassurances that we are still beautiful :p

And everyone knows Australia is a brazen hussy.

I'd hit it

Oy!

Undertoad;823310 wrote:

[size=1]but canada, she is cold! she likes touching us sometimes, but other times she says ew gross! she sure doesn't put out like that hotty australia![/size]

You've done it, UT ... you've captured the essence of Canada's obsession with the US ... :lol2:

DanaC;823316 wrote:

On the contrary. We pretend to not like you as much as you like us, but really we're insecure and needy and require constant reassurances that we are still beautiful :p

And everyone knows Australia is a brazen hussy.

Please. Bronzed hussy.


[size=1]Ya pasty white Pommie slag.[/size]

on a tangent

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:lol2:

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Somewhere in my town, a sub-editor is being slapped.


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Wait, are those assault torches?

Yeah, good for assault and battery.

Zen I've come back to that a couple of times, just to have another laugh.
I'm still chuckling writing this.

I wanna live in Badelaide too!
Apart from the climate. And the flora and fauna. And the inhabitants. And the declining gay scene. And the way they give our acedemic accolades like stickers.

[snickers]

This one made me stroke my chin.

DanaC;830337 wrote:

This one made me stroke my chin.

Now that is deep on so many levels. :D

Nope, just chinny reck-on.

ha! Indeed.

I think this makes it official, Fuck New York City.

It's free vibrators, people, god damn.

Take the edge off...

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Brace yourself, Mrs Robinson!

"FAP offensive"...

I visualize soldiers in olive drab combat gear, marching forward, hunched over, like the Marines used to do with bayonets affixed.

Only instead of rifles/bayonets, they all got their cock out whacking like mad while marching right at ya.

Disconcerting, at the least...

BigV;832767 wrote:

Brace yourself, Mrs Robinson!

Ahem. You are talking about my mother and SIL there.

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Says 'meowtfits'.

Sundae;832903 wrote:

Ahem. You are talking about my mother and SIL there.

Perhaps. But this is the Mrs Robinson I had in mind:

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Gravdigr;832901 wrote:

"FAP offensive"...

I visualize soldiers in olive drab combat gear, marching forward, hunched over, like the Marines used to do with bayonets affixed.

Only instead of rifles/bayonets, they all got their cock out whacking like mad while marching right at ya.

Disconcerting, at the least...

Don't shoot until you see the whites of their .... eeiiiwww!!!

It's official...

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:eyebrow:

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What?

An Austrian court has ordered a bank robber be given back £51,000 that he stole 19 years ago.

Bank manager Otto Neuman stole £150,000 in cash as well as gold bars and gold coins from his own branch in 1993. After getting into financial difficulties, he recruited two accomplices to stage a fake robbery at the Erste Bank in Vienna's Doebling district.

By the time police caught up with them, only £51,000 and the gold could be recovered. The rest of the money had gone. The gold went to the insurance company which had already paid the bank for its loss but the cash has been sitting at the Austrian Justice Ministry ever since.

Neuman's lawyer, Herbert Eichenseder, confirmed he been recently been contacted by court officials and asked to help return the stolen money to his client.

The bank felt it had no claim on the money because it had been compensated in full by its insurance company.

And the insurers said they didn't want it as they had not lost out either. They stolen gold had increased in value so much that it covered all of the money paid to the bank.

Mr Eichenseder said: "I really didn't believe what the court were telling me but I checked it and it was correct. "I had to go into the archives in our cellar to find the details of the case as it was already 19 years old - and I managed to track down the man's details and contacted him to tell him the news.

"To say that he was surprised was an understatement, but he provided his bank account details and the money has now been transferred."

I guess it kind of makes sense... Like if I stole a dollar from you, and bought a winning lottery ticket with it, do I owe you the stolen dollar, or the million bucks I won?

Like if I stole a dollar from you, and bought a winning lottery ticket with it, do I owe you the stolen dollar, or the million bucks I won?

But you [Clod] didn't win it... the owner's dollar won it.

It's more akin to the "fruit of the tainted tree".

Clodfobble;836111 wrote:

I guess it kind of makes sense... Like if I stole a dollar from you, and bought a winning lottery ticket with it, do I owe you the stolen dollar, or the million bucks I won?

According to our courts here in Philadelphia, you owe it all back, even if it can't be conclusively proven that it was stolen.

http://news.yahoo.com/jury-us-govt-rightfully-seized-1933-gold-coins-194706140.html

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The U.S. government rightfully seized a set of never-circulated 1933 gold coins from a Philadelphia woman who said she found the rare beauties in her late father's bank deposit box, a jury found Wednesday.The verdict capped an unusual civil case that combined history, coin collecting and whether the $20 "double eagles" ever legally left the U.S. Mint. A single one sold for a record $7.59 million in 2002.
Prosecutors argued that the cherished coins never circulated when the country went off the gold standard — and were therefore stolen, with help from the woman's father, jeweler Israel Switt.

Langbord disclosed the existence of the coins to the Treasury Department in 2004 to have them authenticated. The government, noting the box was not rented until years after Switt's 1990 death, instead seized them.
"We didn't think it was a credible story," Romero said Wednesday.
Nonetheless, U.S. District Judge Legrome Davis ordered authorities to defend the forfeiture to a jury. The coins have been kept at Fort Knox, but jurors got a glimpse of them when they were secretly brought to court one day last week.

They should have sent in two to be authenticated. Not even a finder's fee to the relatives for saving the coins from being melted.

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Read them in chronological order, top to bottom.

From the Adelaide Advertiser's site.

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>.< oof.

For "Top to bottom" please read "Bottom to top". :smack:

in that case....

ah
ah
ah
ha

:3eye:

:lol2:

Got a new batch in email this morning.

I think I culled the repeats, apologies if any got through.

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Rally against apathy draws small crowd. Oh dear that's a beaut.

[SIZE="1"]via Yahoo[/SIZE]

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The population boom is declining...

...how can it do both?

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Sonic Voles?

Volebeat?
[youtube]EJpaR4Ovs50[/youtube]

Sonic hedgehogs, mate.

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Those men look like they are in prison jumpsuits.
Good catches BTW, Grav. Had me snorting.

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Well played, sub-editor.

Positively rhapsodic!

19 year old who?

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I bet I know how that happened.

They have court reporter type stenographers who type up that stuff, and that person didn't know how to spell the dude's name because it was very uncommon. So they looked it up and assigned a hot key or macro to it so that they just had to type alt-F1 or something to get his name, but they forgot that alt-F1 was really the key they set up for Zoe Dechanel (or however the fuck you spell her name) and alt-F2 was for the terrorist dude.

That's my theory, and there are probably some minor holes in it, but I bet it's damn close.

Since it's FOX, the guy typing it couldn't bear to tell the truth. :rolleyes:

I figured the print was parsed automatically, by a computer program or some such, and that was the closest word(s) it had in it's dictionary.

Don't be so sure it isn't Zooey Deschanel.

People are jumping from windows all over this city. It's like The Happening goin' on all up in heah.

Is Marky Mark wearing a mood ring?

I love the Marky Mark...but I do believe that is a mood ring, and I do believe that the movie is so terrible that I have to watch it again and again.

I liked him better in Boogie Nights even if it was a stunt weiner at the end.

But it looks like when The Happening is happening he is relaxed and calm and loveable. That's what all the mood ring charts say, based on the deep blue.

The new Yahoo format is a little, uhh, well...:

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I also ran across this nugget:

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That, my friends, is a salesman!

Awesome. That is the ultimate goal of all religious officials, and this man has cut out everything superfluous and gotten right to the point. Something about God, some book/scroll or something, fill in the blanks with some other crap, and basically suck my penis. That's patricarchal monotheism.

What better way to get your wang slobbered on than to equate it to some religious bullshit which was bullshit to begin with?

The real genius here is that he has connected the supernatural event to the actual cumshot.

I wish I had a photo. I would have, if I'd remembered this thread existed.
I'd have bought the paper just for you and scanned it in.

Channel Four are broadcasting a call to prayer at 03.00 every morning during Ramadan.
For some reason, minor noise-making groups are up in arms about this, suggesting it threatens community cohesion or somesuch waste of words.

The Sun's sensitive headline for the story?
"Ramadan-a-Ding-Dong"

I laughed all the way home.

DNA, evidence, and, apparently, Lisa Marie Presley.

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DNA and evidence?


Wot, no ouija boards or "cop-hunches"?

Not a headline, but, still, questionable.

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Also, BJ Upton is not Caucasian.

Also, he's clearly bunting, probably as a sacrifice, but at best for a single, who ever he is.

This "news" article could or maybe should go in the "Faux Science" thread...

ABC News
SYDNEY LUPKIN
July 31, 2013

Top Hospitals Fall Flat in Contested New Report

Consumer Reports said some of the nation's top hospitals
performed the worst when it came to patient outcomes.
Massachusetts General Hospital and the Hospital for Special Surgeries,
which are both ranked top in the nation for various specialties
by U.S. News and World Report, got the lowest Consumer Reports Rating possible: a solid black circle.
<snip>
"The problem I have with this is that teaching hospitals,
which did poorly in this report, tend to have more complicated patients,"
said Dr. Richard Besser, chief health medical editor for ABC News.

"More complicated patients will tend to be in the hospital longer.
Community hospitals, which did better in this report,
often refer their more complicated cases elsewhere."

Remember all the "radial keratotomy" business ?
Our Medical School's Dept of Ophthalmology did not do them at all,
but instead treated all the cases with bad outcomes...
It was a very steady business.

"The problem I have with this is that teaching hospitals,
which did poorly in this report, tend to have more complicated patients,"
said Dr. Richard Besser, chief health medical editor for ABC News.

"More complicated patients will tend to be in the hospital longer.
Community hospitals, which did better in this report,
often refer their more complicated cases elsewhere."

Sounds like how charter schools often have better scores than the public schools that feed them.

:rolleyes: Also, it is exactly like how charter schools often have worse scores than the public schools that feed them.



Charter schools in Texas, classified by type: in the greater Austin area, there are 30 charter schools.

--4 are non-members and thus unclassified, but I happen to know that two are for special needs kids, one is for delinquents, and one is an alternative Montessori-style curriculum where you don't get grades
--12 are "college preparatory"
--7 are "dropout recovery" or "RTC/JDC" (meaning a judge ordered attendance)
--7 are "specialized mission" (this includes those with a narrowly focused curriculum, like professional-level fine arts or vocational skills, as well as the school for extracurricular prodigies that compacts bare state requirements into a 4-hour day so the kids can spend the rest of the day playing violin or doing gymnastics or whatever thing they do.)

Based on the above, I believe you could make the claim that no more than half of the charter schools are likely to have higher-than-average test scores. The others will be lower.

But there's no need to derail the thread, it's all been said before, anyway.

That's a lot of charter schools. Maybe if you have too many charter schools in a given population, then the charter school self selecting magic doesn't work.

I don't know, as a percentage it's not really that high. Not all of them serve all grades. There are 120 schools in just Austin ISD, and the greater Austin area includes Round Rock ISD, Leander ISD, Georgetown ISD, Pflugerville ISD, and Manor ISD as well. I know one family that even commutes from Elgin (30 minutes outside the city, where there are zero charter schools of any kind.)

Plus, they really do all serve different needs. There's only one of those 30 I would consider putting my kids in. Not because they're all bad schools, but because they're not appropriate for my particular kids. Charter schools most definitely should not replace the public school system; they are by definition meant to serve a minority, not the majority. But there are children who don't fit the mold of the public school system either, and they should be given an alternative.

I got too curious, and we are kind of in a hippie/alternative area, so I counted the rest of the schools:

Round Rock ISD: 51 schools
Leander ISD: 38 schools
Georgetown ISD: 18 schools
Pflugerville ISD: 28 schools
Manor ISD: 12 schools

So 30 compared to 267, total percentage 30/297 = 10.1% of schools in the area.

Just FWIW, from Clod's link above...

The Texas Charter Schools Association (TCSA) is the statewide Association
representing over 80% of the students in open-enrollment charters &#8211;
448 charter campuses and more than 135,000 students.
Public charter schools vary in mission and model, serving a diverse range of students.

An Association survey of our membership indicates that
16% of Texas charter schools serve high school students
that have dropped out, or are at-risk of dropping out of school.

Additionally, 28% focus on college preparation,
40% serve a specialized mission,
5% are educating students in residential treatment or juvenile justice programs,
and 11% are serving Pre-K and Elementary students.

Clod, there's a couple of somewhat ambiguous remarks in this quote.

Do you have any feeling that the 80% means there are 20% more in open enrollment,
or, the 20 % are closed enrollment.
If the latter, what sort of schools are those ?

Also, what sort of situations are the "40% specialized mission" ?

I guess my (false- ?) impression here in Oregon is that most of our
charter schools are religious- or home-schooling types of schools.

Lamplighter wrote:

Do you have any feeling that the 80% means there are 20% more in open enrollment, or, the 20% are closed enrollment.
If the latter, what sort of schools are those ?

"Charter" and "open-enrollment charter" are synonyms, at least in Texas. State law says charter schools are not allowed to hand-pick students, enrollment is strictly by a blind lottery among applicants. What they mean is that 80% of the existing charter schools in Texas belong to the Texas Charter School Association, which I believe is mostly a lobbying and resource organization, and the other 20% of charter schools aren't members. (Our school is one of the ones that does not belong to the organization, FWIW.)

Lamplighter wrote:

Also, what sort of situations are the "40% specialized mission" ?

It's a catchall designation. Locally, it includes:

1.) A school focused on professional fine arts performance--academic scores here are likely to be average. They are a mix of students who just happen to know they want to be professional singers, musicians, dancers, etc. Graduation requirements include many hours of classes in your chosen fine art field.

2.) A school for extracurricular prodigies--academic scores here are below average. The school makes it very clear that they are going to get you to meet the state requirements in as little time as possible, because the only thing you really care about is going to the Olympics, or whatever. They don't nurture the extracurricular, they leave that part up to you. Passing is all that matters.

3.) A school that is somewhat weighted towards STEM topics (Science/Tech/Engineering/Math.) Curriculum requirements are high overall though, and they could just as easily call themselves "college preparatory." Academic scores are going to be much higher than average. The school population is majority Indian, and most of their parents work in computers.

4.) A school that follows the International Baccalaureate curriculum, which is generally focused on critical thinking, diplomacy, and public service on a worldwide scale. In practice, the school encourages kids to study what they're interested in, and creates a "portfolio of work" rather than a graded report card. Tests here are average to slightly-below-average, because their whole deal is a rejection of standardized testing, so while they have to take it, they don't stress the kids about it and do basically nothing to prepare for it.

Thx Clod...

I'm going to see what I can find along those lines for Oregon's charter schools.

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[Size=1]Not that there's anything wrong with that.[/Size]

That is a brilliantly dry headline.

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The New York Post thinks North & South Carolina are the same state.

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Seattle gets curiouser and curiouser.

The woman slapped an officer trying to contact her in the arm.

He tried to contact her, in the arm!!:eek:

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This just in...

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Not really questionable, but, funny:

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With bonus 'Grav' points. Top right corner.

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Double points for a single-page two-fer:

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No wonder he collapsed... she tried to charge her own father after all the birthday and Christmas gifts, clothing, shoes, and food.

Whoops.

Again.

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*ponders the hole in a foam noodle*

Seems like there would be chafing.

He wasn't noodling a noodle, he was raping a raft... for the sixth time.

George ? Wouldn't that would be necrophilia.

glatt;880608 wrote:

*ponders the hole in a foam noodle*

Seems like there would be chafing.

Having googled the size of the hole in a foam noodle (about 3/4" diameter) ...

chafing seems guaranteed, if even possible. Unless the gentleman is a prodigy of nature in a negative sense.

@Bruce ... how does one rape a raft? Inquiring minds want to know.

Practice, practice, practice. :haha:
I read he was still humping the raft as he ran from police.

Now that takes talent ... or perseverance. Maybe both.

Raping a raft (George Raft, or any other:lol2:) isn't normal...


...but on meth it is.

I hope he was on meth, or something.

Oh, please...

[ATTACH]45766[/ATTACH]

Ooh, snap!

[ATTACH]46023[/ATTACH]

I walked to the bowling alley tonight.

This is a telephone pole on the way.



I wonder.

When you are flying a plane like this,
[ATTACH]46073[/ATTACH]
that requires a long runway to take off, make sure when approaching Wichita, that you land at the Air Force Base below with the long runway instead of at the tiny commuter airport with the short runway (at the top)
[ATTACH]46074[/ATTACH]

Or you might get a little press exposure when you can't take off again.

Whoops.

lumberjim;884008 wrote:

I walked to the bowling alley tonight.

This is a telephone pole on the way.



I wonder.

Hmm. I swear I put this in the Wtf thread.

:lol2: I was kinda wondering what the headline was...

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Whoops.

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:facepalm:

Aaaaaaaaand another CNN intern bites the dust.

From the Halifax Courier:

"No criminal charges are expected"...:eyebrow:

Apparently it's an effective way to get rid of a hungry mouth to feed.

At 150k per, that may be my next business. And, apparently, it's legal in the UK.

Here's a groaner:

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YahooNews does it again:

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Fucking idiots...

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Woke up, went down to get the Sunday paper (pleasant surprise, 54°)...and saw this front page headline combo:

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:facepalm:

Please, allow me to sing you the song of my people:

&#9834; &#9835;Derp&#9834; &#9835;

Uh-oh...They're starting to fight back:

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Also: That's a helluva way to die.

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One cow was treated for burns.

:lol2:

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Man Killed To Death.


That's positively zen.

Gravdigr;891285 wrote:

:lol2:

When asked about the severity of the cow`s burns, doctors responded "medium rare".

Gravdigr;891655 wrote:

[ATTACH]46737[/ATTACH]

Some considerable time ago, the England cricket team were playing the West Indies at the Oval in south London.
Brian Johnston, who was one of the radio commentators and noted for an impish sense of humour, saw his chance as the West Indies bowler Michael Holding was about to commence his run up to the England batsman Peter Willey.
He announced to the nation '... the bowler's Holding the batsman's Willey'. Elderly spinsters in Royal Tunbridge Wells reached for their smelling salts.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

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Very funny!

:facepalm:

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Blockedbywhutnow?

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.

Excellent photo-journalism.

Digr, are you OK??

Hah! Yep, I'm still here.:lol2:

It's not MS, it's MI.

[SIZE="3"]Woman sued for $2 million after boyfriend torches squirrel on apartment deck, starts massive fire.[/SIZE]

That is so weird in so many ways.

Not least because the woman is renting an apartment with a man who eats squirrel; in what reality would she ever be able to pay $2m back? Taking her to court only adds to the costs.

She may very well have renter's insurance which could pay 50 or 100 thousand liability.
I'm betting the squirrel wasn't for sustenance, more likely something he shot and was determined to cook and eat.
Probably because she was ragging his ass about...
1- Murdering god's creatures,
2- Killing and wasting animals,
3- Bringing that filthy rodent in the apartment

Thinking about it, I guess it's not really questionable, is it.

You used to expect a certain level of decorum in news headlines...

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...I guess we've thrown that out the window, too.

Girl?

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Phung looks like a fifty year old man.

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See what they did there?

I was reading a bit about the movie 'Jurassic Park', and about how the CGI in the movie literally changed the way movies are made. Included was this summary of the flick, and some pics of some of the some of the actors...

[ATTACH]48023[/ATTACH]

...man, the guy that played Muldoon ("Clever girl.") sure has changed.

We bought our '96 Prizm from Bob Peck chevy. Didn't look like that.

Bob Peck changed from alive to dead, that's pretty much as far as change can get.

Probably shot by a southern sympathizer in FORD'S theater. :rolleyes:

Yeah that's----wait.

Whut?


ETA: Nevermind. Chevy-Ford, I get it, now.

Someone send me a link to the latest issue of Lone Star Outdoor News, telling me to check out the arrowhead story. I found the site a pain in the ass to navigate and screen shotted the story.
I'm having a hard time believing, but an ex-cop, from Texas, on the internet... must be true.:rolleyes:

It's totally cool that it was in a skull. But seriously, 100 year old arrow head is museum worthy?

Sure, it's lost technology from a group/lifestyle [strike]vanquished[/strike] vanished. Archie Bunker's chair is museum worthy.

I suppose.

I just got really excited reading the story, thinking it was going to be thousands of years old or something and was a little disappointed with the reveal :p

Well yeah this is 'Murica. 'Murican history only goes back so far. Texas only goes to like 1835. For the white man.

Ha!

No, but bruce made a fair point. We have recent stuff in museums too. Just - arrows seems like an old technology. For an arrowhead to be remarkable (beyond being inside a fucking skull!) I'd have thought it would need to be very old.

Y'know, there a place about a half hour drive (I think) from here that used to be a neolithic flint production site. Thousands upon thousands of shavings, and chips and discards.

We have locations here where the natives found the particular type of stone they preferred for knapping arrowheads and spear points. Tribes would camp there while the artisans knapped the tribes needs. No sense it carrying the whole stone when you only need a little of it, and hunter/gatherer tribes could easily camp about anywhere, for awhile. Over thousands of years these locations accumulated not only considerable knapping debris, but a lot of artifacts discarded or lost by succeeding cultures using the site, which made archeologists say, heap good spot find stuff. ;)

Those places fascinate me. The idea that stuff that was handled by humans thousands of years ago, are just lying about loose on the ground.

which made archeologists say, heap good spot find stuff

hahahaha.

DanaC;902056 wrote:

Ha!

No, but bruce made a fair point. We have recent stuff in museums too. Just - arrows seems like an old technology. For an arrowhead to be remarkable (beyond being inside a fucking skull!) I'd have thought it would need to be very old.

Y'know, there a place about a half hour drive (I think) from here that used to be a neolithic flint production site. Thousands upon thousands of shavings, and chips and discards.

Vacuum the dog fur off the couch, I'm on my way!

DanaC;902017 wrote:

But seriously, 100 year old arrow head is museum worthy?

No.

But - a 130-400 year old (or older, remember it's the the skull that is 130-400 years old) arrowhead still lodged in the skull of the animal it killed is museum-worthy. IMHO, anyway.

I've seen regular old acorns in a museum as a demonstration of what native americans would grind up to make a sort of flour they could use to cook shitty tasting cakes. Museums can have pretty low standards. Depends on the museum.

It depends on what they are trying to teach. Museums shouldn't be about bragging rights for the oldest, largest, most of or best example. A lot, maybe most, museums limit what they collect to a category. It might be a time period, or geographic region, or really narrowed down like Indians of Eastern MA, or cowboys post civil war. There's no reason for them to exist unless they teach you. Grinding acorns was an important part of that culture, so acorns it shall be.

I agree. But if you just look at an acorn by itself, it's not museum worthy. You need that context to make it worthy.

And wine to wash down the shitty cakes ;)

glatt;902177 wrote:

I agree. But if you just look at an acorn by itself, it's not museum worthy. You need that context to make it worthy.

There are those of us who would beg to differ...

Hahahaha!

Well-played.

The hits keep rollin in...

Heh, here's another from the "Well No Shit" dept:

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Cronkite would have been all over this shit. ;)

Again, where has the decorum gone?

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From the Onion, but, still...

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That made me laugh. Pretty much everyone in Mr. Clod's department has two monitors, but he has his configured vertically so they all still know he's a bigger badass than they are.*

*In seriousness, it does help him because a lot of what he does is look at long strings of code, log files, that sort of thing, so that extra vertical length is like working on a legal pad instead of a standard page... but still, dude is not fucking around. :)

LOL.

Yeah, we have some people doing document review that have two screens. One screen has the document image on display and the other screen has the data entry program for filling in the little boxes with the information from the documents. Vertical is better there too.

J works on three widescreen monitors when he is working at home. Mainly when he is working on his game.

Always gets me when I go round and try to get something up on his browser, because the mouse is off on that screen and I have to move it across to the screen I'm using.

[ATTACH]48392[/ATTACH]

Link for the interested



Link for the uninterested

oooh kittehs!

Wow.:mg:

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...Jim reminded me that the New York Times avoids using the word which convinced me that West View should.

It's a pro-Obama piece.

:eyebrow:

Link to an article about the article. I'm not gonna contribute to their page views.

Strikes me as a publicity stunt, trying to increase circulation.

Looks like it's gonna be another one of those days:

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Kopf made the recommendation in a post on his personal blog July 5, where he argued the recent Hobby Lobby ruling demonstrated the high court's need to stay away from "hot button cases."

I thought that's kinda what they were there for.



Link

That was my impression too...

Where are the hot button cases supposed to go then?

Away, apparently.

From HuffPost.

While I have had sex in the kitchen before, I admit I never tried hiding in the kitchen to enhance the experience. It seems counter-productive.

I'll be here all week. Try the apples.

You haven't? That's an excellent place to ambush the ladies, even if they don't cook they get hungry. I'd suggest baiting the ambush with wine and chocolate, but that may not be legal in your jurisdiction. :cool:

A BALL is being held in Weston-super-Mare to help support cancer charities.

The event, organised by It's in the Bag, will see the Testicular Ball at Willow Farm, Puxton on September 6 and 7.

The annual event was started in 2010 by two men with testicular cancer, Richard Bullard and Mike (Moggy) Morgan, who met while they were going through chemotherapy.

They thought it would be a great idea to have a celebratory event that would raise funds to further the charity's aims of support, awareness and survival and called it The Testicular Ball. Last year's event raised £13,500, which has helped the charity to expand its support activities and 'Living Well' courses in association with Penny Brohn Cancer Care and help raise awareness of the disease.

The event will feature a meal, live music from The Rifftoads and a disco. There will also be dodgems, hoopla, a tin-can alley and a lottery with a top prize of £500.

For information on how to buy tickets visit www.itsinthebag.org.uk.

Bristol Post

Over to you, Dwellars...

"itsinthebag". :facepalm: :haha:

Ladies are expected to wear sack dresses.

not ball gowns?

You're right. (Which means I'm wrong, as usual)

Sack dresses would just be nutty.

[SIZE="7"]?[/SIZE]

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Yeah...No shit.

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Hmm

Mmm...haze.

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:lol2:

While I haven't seen a lot of ISIS videos...I'm just gonna go ahead and disagree now.

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Well - I dunno - one person on their knees giving head...





( I know- I'm going to hell)

:lol2:

I thought I'd seen this in this thread, but, I can't find it, so:

[ATTACH]49263[/ATTACH]

Rly? A squrl?

Apparently, it was because he came home without beer because the stores were closed on Christmas eve.

For realz.

So, he was asking for it...

It's her fault, if she'd been making his sandwich for him, as she should, her hands would have been busy.

Plus working off that aggression. :bolt:

Dang, does anybody actually look at the drivel they've attempted to type?

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Dick's is a sporting goods chain.

Guess it's a good thing it wasn't COCK!'s, huh?

Flying dildos. One more reason not to go to weddings.

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Why post a pic of Bill Gates alongside a bear mauling story?

No, Bill Gates did not get mauled.

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This one is almost a threadkiller:

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For............................the............................win

On 'The News Quiz' yesterday lunchtime BBC R4, a clip from an article in the Daily Mail was read out to much amusement:

"Douglas Carswell became the first elected Ukip MP last month when he
won the Clacton by-election he called after defecating from the Tories."

Searches reveal that the original was quickly corrected. However the show is available on BBC iPlayer, which will probably work outside the UK unlike most TV programmes. Clip starts at about 1.30.

:eek:They shot a dead boy?

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Follow-up to this:

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You know?

Snickers satisfies.

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Nothing wrong w/the headline itself (outside of bad taste)...but, that pic is not Joe Cocker, nor is it John Belushi.

That's porn legend Ron Jeremy. Who is alive, btw.

:right:

As I recall, Fark knows who Ron Jeremy is. It used to be a whole thing. At least back in the day.

Yeah, that's the search engine trying to be clever and pulling a random image from a post within the Fark thread. The other image on the first page was a giant "No One Cares" meme, so I guess it's lucky they went with the one they did.

I don't think it'll help...

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Gravdigr;923259 wrote:

I don't think it'll help...

*audible snort*

SOL? Snorting Out Loud?:D

Grav just totally won this thread.

Article (well, ad) about Anthony Bourdain...

[ATTACH]50689[/ATTACH]

...pic is Guy Fieri.

Why do they do that? It happens often enough it can't be accidental.

because computers r studip.

Not the newspaper's bad, but still ... W - T - F

God will judge King Richard III, says Ulster cleric.
The Fermanagh-born cleric who will say prayers of welcome at the re-interment of King Richard lll&#8203; has said God will judge the king, not him.
(Belfast Telegraph)

If God hasn't got round to that task yet, he must have an awful backlog. Mind, I don't plan to join that queue anyway.


[COLOR="White"].[/COLOR]

opsimath

An opsimath is a person who begins, or continues, to study or learn late in life.

Great, now *I'm* one too.

:lol2:

[ATTACH]50822[/ATTACH]

[SIZE="5"]Plane with nobody aboard crashes at Nipawin, Sask.[/SIZE]

A plane with nobody aboard crashed in a field near Nipawin, Sask., and sure enough, nobody was hurt.

It happened shortly before 6 p.m. CST Thursday at the Nipawin Airport, the RCMP said.
An initial investigation revealed the pilot tried to “prop start” the plane by standing in front and spinning
the propeller by hand. The engine turned over, but before he could get inside the Aeronca Chief two-seater,
it began moving forward on the taxiway, gaining enough speed after 10 metres to become airborne.

Police said the pilot was left behind, embarrassed but uninjured.

A little later, the plane crashed.

gaining enough speed after [COLOR="DarkRed"]10 metres[/COLOR] to become airborne.

The plane became airborne in 33 feet?

:eyebrow:

Misprint at the least...

gaining enough speed after 10 metres

...to become airborne

perhaps there was a fine headwind that gave the wings greater lift

let's not talk about treadmills though, please.

there's a short vid around here of such a light plane landing on a mountain ridge, the guy gets out, has lunch, and turns the plane around and flits off into the clouds again. almost unbelievable. they really do need a surprisingly low speed to attain liftoff.

found it.

[YOUTUBE]h-9RPJDoC5E[/YOUTUBE]

and in my search for *that one*, I found *this one*.

Seriously, they just jump into the air.

[YOUTUBE]f7u1jzjFL8s[/YOUTUBE]

In the top video, that pilot had to make a damn good estimate
of exactly how far he would "roll" before going over the rim top.

I could just imagine his wife saying:
So the engine won't start, and you are where ???
You Fool, what were you thinking ?

.

I bet I watched that second vid ten times.

Head wind helped, but, dayum.

No decorum, no decorum at all.

[ATTACH]50865[/ATTACH]

Gravdigr;924908 wrote:

I bet I watched that second vid ten times.

Head wind helped, but, dayum.

me too!!!!

srsly. it takes off in just over one plane length. boioioioing!!!! and poof, it's gone. It took me a bit to realize the literal truth about the title. it touches down, and rolls to a stop in about ten feet. from that stop, it then launches/takes off/springs into the air.

amazing.

[ATTACH]51261[/ATTACH]

Twern't headlines, but...

[YOUTUBE]DVQp_vemQug[/YOUTUBE]

Now being visited by the Quitman PD: people who are enemies of people willing to anonymously fill out a form.

Strippers at funerals? OMG that is all different flavours of wrong.

I've said before that I have no moral issue with nekkedness, and women are entitled to earn their living any way they see fit. But the idea of people perving at my funeral (imaginary funeral which people other than my parents and brother attend) isn't one I condone.

I don't do the whole celebration of life thing either. For me personally I mean.
That's for people who lived good lives and had friends.
I'll take a cold reckoning in the rain in Scotland rather than people wearing pink "in my honour". Honour me when I'm alive, when it can do some good. Dead meat doesn't appreciate pink.

Yeah, funerals are pretty much for the living.

The county can bury me in an unmarked grave, for all I care.

&#9834; &#9835;If the city don't bury you, baby&#9834; &#9835;
&#9834; &#9835;Lord knows the county will&#9834; &#9835;

This would have been a bad (or good) place for a typo:

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He pitches righty. He pitches lefty.

He pitches underwater?

[ATTACH]52019[/ATTACH]

:lol2:

His shoulders look like they're jointed like a salamander's. And he's puffing up like a frog.

damn you autocorrect.


hahahaha... actually, I've seen the result of computer applications that write a whole sports story from just the scoresheet. This article seems to have a human writer, or at least a name. And in his defense, he does say ambidexterous in the second paragraph of the article.

super funny ooopsie though.

I don't think that was from a friend...

[ATTACH]52955[/ATTACH]

:lol2:

I know that's how ya says it, but, that ain't how ya spells it...

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Funneh!

That graph shows the problem of using a line graph where one axis is time. It's done properly, but gives the false impression that the line falls steeply and consistently over the year that folks are 19 and hits zero at 20. A bar graph would be better here. It would show the total number for 19 and then zero for 20. Instead of a steep decline there would be a vertical cliff.

Ah, the lingering question of "Who dealt it?"...

[ATTACH]53581[/ATTACH]

Wiz Khalifa cited for public urination in Pittsburgh

Sometimes they write themselves.

Gee Wiz, your honor... :haha:

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:p:

Oops

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Trust the media to tell you the truth:

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I don't know about the headline... but they picked the perfect stock photo to go with it.



(NY Post, source)

derp!

Evidently Brits condone molesting Pandas. :eek:
Being an ex-lawyer he must have know it would be a valid defense.
I wonder how many cases it took to set that precedent?

xoxoxoBruce;947620 wrote:

Evidently Brits condone molesting Pandas. ...

Don't tell Sarge! :eek:


Sent by thought transference

[ATTACH]55260[/ATTACH]

Hmm

1957? She must be joking. The original ad was in the University of PA student paper, then the real newspapers interviewed her. In the '60s or '70s they probably wouldn't have bothered. But the did have to point out she wasn't a dog to spice it up a bit.

Well, duh.

Put that cruel bitch in her place, but watch out for female judges. :lol:

[ATTACH]55853[/ATTACH]

Sadly, I bet that's not a record.

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The tumor fought back?

And got a black belt?!?!:eek:

And you thought the street punk tumors were bad, now there are probably ninja tumors too.

Ninja tumors? That sounds like a tumor rumor.
________________________________________________

Unrelated:

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Rape isn't funny.

But, c'mon:

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Woman trapped in window trying to retrieve poo after Tinder Date

I kid you not... it's the BBC and everything....

As I remember that's a pretty bizarre story, but possible.

Man, I hate when that happens.

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Here's a whole page of search results for the terms 'tina frost las vegas'

What's the questionable part?

O I getit now - after not getting it all day - the headline suggests that the bullet made her wake up from the coma

OOOoooh. Thx UT :thumb:

Undertoad;997253 wrote:

O I getit now - after not getting it all day - the headline suggests that the bullet made her wake up from the coma

:D

I got it, but I'm twisted that way. :blush:

Looks like this Marine will have someplace to go when he gets out.

[ATTACH]62354[/ATTACH]

I've been told this.

[ATTACH]66492[/ATTACH]

Dude, you're on a roll tonight. A toast to you! I bread this one and crackered up! You're so damn funny, I'm jelly.

I've been finding a lot of post-worthy pics lately.

Zippy led me to Naughtybits.com, which led me to their safer-for-work site bitsandpieces.us, that's where most of these recent pics came from. Also providing sites for my, and your, haha has been leenks.com.

:)

I stop at both of Jon's sites every day.

Gravdigr;1026126 wrote:

I've been finding a lot of post-worthy pics lately.

Zippy led me to Naughtybits.com, which led me to their safer-for-work site bitsandpieces.us, that's where most of these recent pics came from. Also providing sites for my, and your, haha has been leenks.com.

:)

I'm not wasting any more puns on you.

:(

What could he retorte, you defloured them all?

BigV;1026166 wrote:

I'm not wasting any more puns on you.

Please don't punish me. I saw what you did there.

xoxoxoBruce;1026168 wrote:

What could he retorte, you defloured them all?

:golf clap:

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[ATTACH]66534[/ATTACH]

Headlines, we got headlines, here's your stinkin' headlines...

[ATTACH]67152[/ATTACH]

They did that on purpose

It was just a matter of time really

BBC online today:

Greenford pupil cheese death flicking boy 'not thinking'

oh, of course! I know exactly what this story is about.... :/

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-48228134

The cheese flicker is obviously a little shit. But I doubt he meant to murder the other kid.

exactly. But I feel the headline could have been better? It is almost reminiscent of an AI bot conversation

That headline writer musta been having a stroke.

It's almost word salad.

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He did not argue with a sex toy...

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How did they know?

Was it wearing a sun hat and clutching a bucket and spade?

Is that what sharks do on holiday?

I've always wondered.:rolleyes:

Vegas, baby.

I guess I thought they just sat around watching Shark Week reruns...