Group v. Personal

What do think of people who act differently towards a group and personally? Are they two-faced? Hypocritical? Intillectually dishonest with themselves? Just unable to live with the principals they've established for themselves?

Fairly normal, unfortunately. It's an ugly side of human beings.

I'm assuming you are talking about someone who is nice to you in person and not so nice to you in a group setting. Happens all the time. When we are alone with someone, even if it's someone we can't stand, we are generally very polite and do what we can to get along with them. In a group environment, or when we get away from them, we don't usually feel compelled to be as nice to them.

I think Spexx is referring to having an attitude of hostility to a group but interacting quite pleasantly with individual members of that group. It's just a part of human interaction I think.

My MIL is among the Fags are sinners and will roast in eternal damnation, yet she has a number of gay friends.

Ah yes, I see now. I should have read the threads in a different order.

I don't understand that way of thinking.

Spexxvet;753713 wrote:

What do think of people who act differently towards a group and personally? Are they two-faced? Hypocritical? Intillectually dishonest with themselves? Just unable to live with the principals they've established for themselves?

Not much. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Welcome back, InMo!

Hi! Feeling a bit better, but it's still touch and go. :)

I think it's just about the difference between how we interact with ideas and large groups, and how we interact at an individual level. That's perfectly natural imo, and is just to do with how we categorise the world around us.

I know lots of people who are borderline racists. They may have a very negative view of Pakistanis generally, yet get along fine with, like and even defend the Pakistani shop owner they've known for years. That's because the shop owner occupies a different mental category. Yes he is Pakistani, but he is known as an individual and therefore isn't an anonymous example of the disliked group. He has shifted from the 'Pakistani' category, to the 'people I know' category.

It just means the person is in the early stages of acceptance. It's a step ahead of complete isolation. Once they've opened the door to individuals, the goal must be to introduce them to more and more gay/ethnic/whatever individuals, as many as possible, until one day, someone will make a prejudiced comment and their brain will unexpectedly pipe up with, "Hey wait a second, you're talking about my friends there!"

DanaC;753786 wrote:

I know lots of people who are borderline racists. They may have a very negative view of Pakistanis generally, yet get along fine with, like and even defend the Pakistani shop owner they've known for years. That's because the shop owner occupies a different mental category. Yes he is Pakistani, but he is known as an individual and therefore isn't an anonymous example of the disliked group. He has shifted from the 'Pakistani' category, to the 'people I know' category.

I see that a lot.

Person 1: " I hate Somalis. They are all worthless"
Person 2: "But what about Abdi? He is pretty cool."
Person 1: "Well he doesn't really act Somali"


I don't think this is necessarily hypocritical but just comes down to how we generalize and stereotype groups. People don't like certain stereotyped characteristics of a "group" so they naturally generalize everyone in that "group" as having that characteristic with no other "better" traits. Then when they meet someone in that "group", that one, either doesn't have that characteristic, or two, can relate with that person well in other areas, they view them as different from the rest of the "group".

Individually, you can accept and get along with anyone. Groups of people....unless you belong to it.... Are "Others". And I sure hates me some Others.