Countdown to woodchuck rapture
According to the very ancient pyramidic scrolls and my Timex watch the woodchuck rapture could happen anytime between tonight and Saturday night.
Unlike regular raptures, the woodchuck rapture does not involve woodchucks floating into the air but rather sinking into the earth.
My garden is like freaking Fort Knox now. It's crazy. Hopefully the rapture extends a bit further South and includes all garden pests.
This morning, I was watching a bunny just feet from my garden, munching on clover, but it couldn't get past the multiple layers of security to harm my blueberries, tomatoes or peppers.
How much good could a goodwoodchuck good if a goodwoodchuck could chuck goodwood?
Your theory isn't grounded in reality.
What do you call a woodchuck with no legs?
Woodbob
With one leg? Woodskip
Hanging on a wall? Woodart
What do you call a woodchuck with no legs?
Ground Chuck!
I spazzed out and put my target sighting in Garden 2011
It may have been better, but it was still wrong.
cf:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef
What do you call a person with no legs?
Whatever their name is, you disability-fascist.
What's red and sits in the corner of the kitchen in a high chair?
A native American Woman Child
(From the feminist's book of jokes)
It may have been better, but it was still wrong.
cf:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef
It was better because it was original, not some 40 year old joke. ;)
I'm messing with you dude. It was better because monkeys are funnier than feet. When you go to the circus, you don't see a bunch of feet riding giant unicycles, do you?
:lol:
OH yeah then why do they say "more fun than a barrel of feet"?
Huh? Smarty pants.
What you're reacting to as "funny" is the *combination* of monkeys and feet, and mistaking it for a "funny monkey". If you consider each independently, you'll see that feet are funnier than monkeys. Have you ever seen a monkey with no feet that was funny? No. Even the thought, the image of a monkey with no feet is UNfunny.
But, there are lots of feet without monkeys that are funny. Monty Python's title crushing foot, for example.
All monkeys have feet, but not all feet have monkeys?
Feet are slapsticky. Oh wait, so are monkeys. But monkeys can be taught to communicate. Feet don't do nuthin' they ain't gotta do to survive.
Monkeys are evil. They are never funny. Even something funny like Trunk Monkey is only funny because it's shocking how evil they are. The premise is funny. The monkey is not.
I bet you're scared of clowns too. :mad:
*flings feces*
See, that's something you never see feet doing. Feet NEVER fling feces. And flying feces is fucking funny.
but monkeys have more interesting accessories. Fleas beat bunions every time. You've never seen a bunion circus have you?
I bet you're scared of clowns too. :mad:
*flings feces*
See, that's something you never see feet doing. Feet NEVER fling feces. And flying feces is fucking funny.
Reminds me of poor old Hector, thought it was a typo and monkey fling faces. He imagined them gurning at passers by. And passed this gem onto Thor too. They were quite disgusted to learn it wasn't a typo and moneys flung poo
Painted by an evil monkey, I see.
So what you're saying is, they see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil but they are, in fact, evil?
yeah, 'cause what you can't see is they have frogs up their butts
Monkeys are not inherently evil.
Unlike clowns, clown dolls and ventriloquist's dummies (especially if they are clowns).
Monkeys of course are doubly evil with an eye gouging topping if they are dressed as any of the above categories.
eye gouging topping
Monitor alert! :lol2:
Rapture sighting in my garden 10 minutes ago, preceded by a brief 'crack' sound on an otherwise still, quiet evening.
I'm looking forward to the bbq pics.
It wasn't the real woodchuck! FFF is faking this to take attention off his birth certificate.
It turns out Yard's Mom was a US citizen so his birth certificate isn't relevant.
I neither confirm nor deny allegations relating to woodchuck rapture, rupture, capture, or maladapture.
There are known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns. If you question further the woodchucks will have won. Why do you hate America?
Because they wouldn't let me have a pony? Oh wait, that's my parents...
I've just acquired two new mole traps. When the mole rapture begins, I'll be sure to let you all know. motherfuckinsonofabitchinmoles. :mad2:
Get those stinking mole asses!
Have you been reading
The Woodchuck Hunter, ft3?
I've just acquired two new mole traps. When the mole rapture begins, I'll be sure to let you all know. motherfuckinsonofabitchinmoles. :mad2:
Moles are a sign of good garden health, lots of worms, healthy soil... Why are you interested in removing them?
I want a .17 hmr
[YOUTUBE]wc37CuVgR2g[/YOUTUBE]
Out of curiosity I crunched some numbers relating to the values given in that clip.
The Formula for Kinetic Energy is EK=(1/2)mv²
the .22 is .0375Kg moving at 304.8mps
the .17 is .017Kg moving at 777.24mps
(1/2) .0375*304.8² = 1742 joules
(1/2) .017*777.24² = 5134 joules
So the .17 has nearly three times the energy of the .22!
One joule can also be defined as:
The work required to move an electric charge of one coulomb through an electrical potential difference of one volt, or one '"coulomb volt" (C·V). This relationship can be used to define the volt.
The work required to produce one watt of power for one second, or one "watt second" (W·s) (compare kilowatt hour). This relationship can be used to define the watt
Out of curiosity I crunched some numbers relating to the values given in that clip.
The Formula for Kinetic Energy is EK=(1/2)mv²
the .22 is .0375Kg moving at 304.8mps
the .17 is .017Kg moving at 777.24mps
(1/2) .0375*304.8² = 1742 joules
(1/2) .017*777.24² = 5134 joules
So the .17 has nearly three times the energy of the .22!
One joule can also be defined as:
The work required to move a [COLOR="Red"]frontal lobe of one woodchuck through the back of ones head, or one '"lobe jolt" (LJ)[/COLOR]. This relationship can be used to define the volt.
The work required to produce one watt of power for one second, or one "watt second" (W·s) (compare kilowatt hour). This relationship can be used to define the watt
All fixey.
So with .17HMR, your family joules would be much larger? ;)
Moles are a sign of good garden health, lots of worms, healthy soil... Why are you interested in removing them?
You ever seen what they do to a lawn? :eek:
Seriously, there are gigantic piles of dirt all over the freakin' place. Not only does my lawn look like a bomb site, the molehills make it damned hard to mow...
*sigh*
Fuckers can dig about 100 feet of tunnel (with corresponding molehills every 2 feet or so) per day. It doesn't take long to destroy my once gorgeous yard, and if you don't kill 'em, they keep making more.
Constantly (moles never hibernate and they make babies year 'round).
ARRRGHGGGHHH!!
Last year, I got this 9-incher with my trusty Mossberg.
Be vewwy, vewwy quiet....
OK.
I make it a policy to yield to armed, angry women.
I think we probably have widely different attitudes about lawns. Happy hunting!
OK.
I make it a policy to yield to armed, angry women.
I think we probably have widely different attitudes about lawns. Happy hunting!
:D Not much gets me as riled up as a mole shredding my lawn. Once upon a time, it looked like this:
Now? Not so much... :sniff:
That's a pretty lawn, Glinda.
(is your sidearm holstered?)
...
It also looks like endless work. Nature just doesn't make space like that. I can't afford a greenskeeper, and I don't want to be one. But I admire the work, just beautiful.
Nine inches? That's no mole,
That's a pretty lawn, Glinda.
Thank you!
(is your sidearm holstered?)
No sidearms. Just my faithful Mossberg. My tenant (lives in a 5th wheel on my land) has a few guns, but he leaves the mole killin' to me. ;)
It also looks like endless work. Nature just doesn't make space like that. I can't afford a greenskeeper, and I don't want to be one. But I admire the work, just beautiful.
Oh, it IS endless work, but it makes me happy. It's my first yard - lived in apts and condos since I was 18 (and I'm
olllllld now). When I decided it was time to ditch city life, I bought a place on 1.14 acres just north of America's Vancovuer [SIZE="3"]*[/SIZE], and went nuts with lawns and rose bushes and fruit trees and berry bushes and veggie beds and, of course, chickens (I've SO turned into my mother).
By the way, that's only the
front lawn. There's a side and backyard lawn too... :eek:
Am I crazy? Yes. Yes, I am. Isn't that why we're
all here?!?
[SIZE="3"]*[/SIZE][SIZE="1"] You're in Seattle, right? If you ever get down this way, give me a holler. We can get the grill going, make a nice fire in the fire pit out front, have a few cocktails, tell a few stories, and wait for the moles to show themselves. Yee-HAW!! :D[/SIZE]
Nine inches? That's no mole,
That's what SHE said! :sweat:
3 for 3 at Rancho Chuckles.
2 hogs
1 bunny
Yer deadly !!
you'll have enough to make a coat soon
Bunny? You shot Lola Bunny?
This one's gonna be a drum head.
Though I was tempted to make a bag after seeing this video:
[YOUTUBE]-oYN6ptMd-g[/YOUTUBE]
I'll tell you though, the fuckers stink! I did have to leave this one set out in the heat for an hour or two before I could get to it. Mrs. Foot was giving the kids a bath and I saw it out the window.
They were in the next room and didn't even say "What was that sound?"
damn thing is quiet.
I had to wait till everyone was in bed, it would have been too exiting right before bed.
I'm out of the closet, so to speak, as far as family public opinion is concerned. "Every man for himself and God against all"
So I just went out with a flash light and bagged it and put it in the freezer while I decide how I want to skin it. The fur is supposed to be shit, but the leather tough as nails. The fucker is well stinky, I ain't eating that shit.
Bunny? You shot Lola Bunny?
not Lola, I may have shot her a come hither look, but that would be it.
:mad::facepalm:
Shit piss fuck
I cannot believe I missed!
Too impatient. Shit Piss and Corruption.
3 for 4
Here's the main entrance, no hole, no blood. WTF?
Hang on, what's this? (Just above the gas line T and to the right a bit, bottom edge of the clapboard.)
Closer and Closer, from below.
I think you have to get one of these. Sure you have to have him roto rooter-ed for bones every 6 years or so but its worth it not to have rabbits,moles or skunks, woodchucks, raccoons,opossum, rats, mice, he is a bit bored with squirrels[ tree rats] but they stay away from our house. ;) I have seen him kill a coyote the dumb ass wandered into the pasture and those are Suede's cows dammit! :eyebrow:
He looks like a tough SOB. Legs of a corgi, head of a bull terrier, what else has he got in there? (besides bone chips)
He must have a couple of brain cells because he has never offered to hurt my Chihuahuas and they are varmit -like :)
Did I mention he kills snakes too? :heart-on:
Nirv! Completely like our dog!
Awww Merc, you got your dog a pony. :lol:
The 3rd woodchuck is unconfirmed, but there was blood after all and there has been no sight of him since.
:mad::facepalm:
Shit piss fuck
I cannot believe I missed!
Too impatient. Shit Piss and Corruption.
3 for 4
chanelling the canucks, i reckon.....
Hang on, what's this? (Just above the gas line T and to the right a bit, bottom edge of the clapboard.)
Dude! Are shooting at your house? And close to the gas line? Are you actively trying to blow it up?:eek:
He's hoping to find some bubblin' crude.
Really laughed out loud @ infi. Which made me cough. I sound like a dying seal.
Dude! Are shooting at your house? And close to the gas line? Are you actively trying to blow it up?:eek:
No, I'm shooting at my neighbor's abandoned, vermin infested tear down of an eye sore, crumbling foundation, used to be house. Sadly, the gas line is disconnected. I would be doing everyone a favor if I burned the house down. It is truly a tear down, it's not even worth ripping the copper out of it.
They are asking 90k for it and the local realtors say "If you desperately wanted to live in the town, the lot, empty, would be worth 20k, otherwise 12k." Now subtract the cost of razing the house and you get a lot less than 90k.
It does have a fairly new septic tank though.
Aaaaarrrrgh!
This is for the new thread, as yet uncreated, called "What's midly irritating you, yet mildy amusing you at the same time, due in part to its irony and its perplexing mystery."
Last night I finished de-liming the woodchuck hide and I hung it up to dry in prepartion for final trimming and construction of a drum skin.
This morning it was gone without a trace.
These people took it! :eek:
Aaaaarrrrgh!
...the woodchuck hide -I hung it up to dry ...
This morning it was gone without a trace.
Bummer - Same thing happened to the jaw of a 7' shark I caught years ago.
I guess animals or hobos ????
Still pissed about it.
Aaaaarrrrgh!
This is for the new thread, as yet uncreated, called "What's midly irritating you, yet mildy amusing you at the same time, due in part to its irony and its perplexing mystery."
Last night I finished de-liming the woodchuck hide and I hung it up to dry in prepartion for final trimming and construction of a drum skin.
This morning it was gone without a trace.
Are you sure it was dead?
This morning it was gone without a trace.
is Home girl getting you a Chuck merkin made ??
Would that be a gherkin cherkin?
a lurkin' gherkin stole his merkin?
penalty for shirken your gherkin?
jerkin.
This morning it was gone without a trace.
is Home girl getting you a Chuck merkin made ??
It was already de-haired, so prolly not. I am thinking of putting the carcass where the skin was and waiting to see who comes by. Maybe I will trade up for a fox or coyote or down for a neighborhood dog :(
Meanwhile, an army of vengeful woodchucks was gathering ...
