You've got 11 days until rapture
Well at least it's on a Saturday. That's convenient.
well, that's a relief. no more bills to pay, etc.
Fuck!
My meeting with my supervisor is in like, 7 days. That totally fucking blows man.
They're just trying to make religious people seem crazy.
How will this affect the celebrity death pool scores?
No points if they don't die.
I wish I could meet one of those chaps. "I'll buy your house, right now, for $1,000. You could use the money to print more pamphlets. It's what God wants you to do!"
I've seen them driving around Phoenix with their ad plastered across their rear windows for months. I felt bad they had to wait so I ran most of them off the road and shot them in the back of the head.
I'm a great teammate for the "Race you to Jesus" contests.
I wish I could meet one of those chaps. "I'll buy your house, right now, for $1,000. You could use the money to print more pamphlets. It's what God wants you to do!"
nice plan... but.
The true believers have long since liquidated their assets, and have none to "sell". Though some of the ones I heard on the radio would have taken you up on it back when the had assets.
Maybe this explains the bursting of the housing bubble.
If I was able to edit the titles of threads, I'd totally turn this into a countdown type of thing, changing the title each day.
You've got 10 days until rapture.
Well at least it's on a Saturday. That's convenient.
Saturday? I thought the song "Friday" was a harbinger of the apocolypse!
The Republican party is going to be pretty hard hit. I predict the Democrats will regain control of the House in the next election.
Party at my house at 5pm May 21st. Bring your own coffin.
whoo hoo, more room for me!
Here's a thought ... suppose they got the date right, but nobody's saved enough to get taken?
You mean saved enough to pay the ferry man?
I wish I could meet one of those chaps. "I'll buy your house, right now, for $1,000. You could use the money to print more pamphlets. It's what God wants you to do!"
I wish
[SIZE="6"]I[/SIZE] could meet some of them. Last chance to find out how it feels to take it up the ass! :D
I wish [SIZE="6"]I[/SIZE] could meet some of them. Last chance to find out how it feels to take it up the ass! :D
You have a grim view of heaven. I imagine it as a big orgy of people at their sexiness and least amount of inhibitions.
So god wants me to have fifty virgins. It's about time. Finding fifty virgins is (as George Jr described it) so harrrrrd.
I always choose to believe the best parts of every religion.
Think about it tw. You start with fifty virgins, you boink one, 49 virgins left. You'll eventually run out of virgins. It's a trap!
What are you all planning to wear? Does Sears have a rapture collection?
Think about it tw. You start with fifty virgins, you boink one, 49 virgins left. You'll eventually run out of virgins. It's a trap!
Orrrrrrrrr. It's a new bus song.
49 virgins are here with us all
49 virgins are here...
whoo hoo, more room for me!
Here's a thought ... suppose they got the date right, but nobody's saved enough to get taken?
We'll all be standing there waving goodbye to one lone body floating up to the sky. Bye UG! ;)
Hmmm, so have the classes started up yet?
Suits? We gotta dress up for this crap? Eff that, it'll Saturday. I will be left behind in sweats.
Orrrrrrrrr. It's a new bus song.
49 virgins are here with us all
49 virgins are here...
Knock one down
Rip off her gown
48 virgins are here with us all.
Suits? We gotta dress up for this crap? Eff that, it'll Saturday. I will be left behind in sweats.
:lol:
yabbut - too hot for sweats. I will be left behind in my ragged painting shorts and tee.
virgin with a sturgeon
A dolphin with dark roots? I don't think so.
virgin with a sturgeon
So long as it's not a virgin mergin' with a sturgeon.
why do people think that the monster in lake Champlain is a sturgeon?
It looks nothing like that.
It's clearly a pleisosaur.
Virgin on the ridiculous.
why do people think that the monster in lake Champlain is a sturgeon?
It looks nothing like that.
It's clearly a pleisosaur.
I thought it was a cankersaur. :D
Saturday? I thought the song "Friday" was a harbinger of the apocolypse!
Well since they outsourced harbinging to india, it takes at least 24 hours
Suits? We gotta dress up for this crap? Eff that, it'll Saturday. I will be left behind in sweats.
I didn't didn't know that you were in the Heaven's Gate cult!
I wonder if they'll get sucked into the propellers of passing jets the way birds sometimes do.
Well some of the planes will be falling from the sky due to empty cockpits, won't they? So that should reduce part of the problem.
Virgin on the ridiculous.
*snorts*
why do people think that the monster in lake Champlain is a sturgeon? It's clearly a pleisosaur.
I thought it was a cankersaur. :D
According to Clod it's a coelacanth (SEEL-a-canth). Which definitely did NOT live in the pre-Cambrian era.
So there.
Hello, Merc! What have we been talking about for the past several years?
I might remind you that while it's now only 9 days to the rapture, it is three days to the fapture, which starts promptly at the stroke of one.
We're all having a good laugh at the end of days
But what if?..............................................................:eek:
I had a sobering thought. What if, precisely when the rapture starts, it also starts raining men?
"We budgeted everything so that, on May 21, we won't have anything left," Adrienne adds.
There were some folks within recent memory, my grandfather's grandfather, I believe, on what I call "the crazy side" of my family, who believed that the rapture was on a certain date that had been predicted, and there was no reason to plan to have any material possessions past that point.
Obvioulsy, it didn't happen. And for some reason, there continues to be religious people on that side of the family who are (surprise) batshit insane.
This is where I formed my ideas about religious people. I've never met one who isn't, on some level, deeply flawed in a very troubling way.
In my opinion.
This is where I formed my ideas about religious people. I've never met one who isn't, on some level, deeply flawed in a very troubling way.
In my opinion.
My flaw is my unusually large cock. We all have our crosses to carry.;)
This is where I formed my ideas about religious people. I've never met one who isn't, on some level, deeply flawed in a very troubling way.
The Venn diagram of religious people and batshit insane has some overlap, I'll grant you. But the one is not necessarily the cause of the other.
The folks I sing with in the choir are all full of faith. And they're also some of the nicest people I know.
The Venn diagram of religious people and batshit insane has some overlap, I'll grant you. But the one is not necessarily the cause of the other.
The folks I sing with in the choir are all full of faith. And they're also some of the nicest people I know.
Ted Bundy was described as "well known and well liked."
Ted Bundy was described as "well known and well liked."
I realize this was intended as humor. But you just took a pot-shot at my friends.
You've been around long enough to know that faith/religion is really the set up to a punchline in the cellar.
I realize this was intended as humor. But you just took a pot-shot at my friends.
Sorry PZ. No offense intended.
You've been around long enough to know that faith/religion is really the set up to a punchline in the cellar.
Anything is a set-up to a punchline in the cellar.
The Venn diagram of religious people and batshit insane has some overlap, I'll grant you. But the one is not necessarily the cause of the other.
The folks I sing with in the choir are all full of faith. And they're also some of the nicest people I know.
I didn't mean to suggest that there was a causal realationship. This is more about the formation of my own ideas.
Funny thing, I've played in many church bands, myself. As a volunteer, not a paid performer. I got along with people very well, and yes there were some nice ones and some not nice ones, just like everybody else.
I even agreed on and shared many of their values, which are all pretty common sense stuff. The point where I agreed to disagree was that something supernatural was required to enforce the supremacy of these ideas.
I've always thought that good ideas support themselves, and don't need "magic" to bedazzle me into following them.
That's just me. I don't compromise on this, at any point, on any level.
My flaw is my unusually large cock. We all have our crosses to carry.;)
CRUCI-COCK!
I had a sobering thought. What if, precisely when the rapture starts, it also starts raining men?
OK fine, it's a visual. You got all these people floating upwards, see? Then (as the song goes) it starts actually RAINING MEN, see? They're bound to crack into each other. Bodies breaking and bouncing and splitting in two, blood and guts everywhere, screaming, thrashing, gnashing of teeth. Those of us left behind at once appalled that we are left behind but thinking "but, it's actually raining MEN!"
The rapture is gonna be AWESOME. :rolleyes:
But the men that are raining down, those are like rapture rejects?
Good question. The song never says where those men actually come from.
Once raptured, can one be de-raptured? Or is that like regaining virginity?
Just for visial clarity, would the men be nekkid?
I hope so. It's like two teams: shirts and skins. Only it's heavenly robes and skins.
then will they be preselected? 'Cause that guy from Walmart -I'd rather be raptured than see his sweaty balls and wiggly worm followed by his marshmallow stackin-rings stomach hurtling towards me...
When the Weather Girls sang It's Raining Men I doubt those are the kinds of men they visualized.
But they exist, dammit!
Now I'm thinking the rapture isn't really going to be awesome at all. :(
IM - when I read that about the raining men vs. the rapturing folks - I LOL'd pretty loud. Like a loud, barky laugh. It's pretty fucking funny. :D
Inspiration: driving home listening to Fly 92.9 (they play ANYTHING) and they played Raining Men, and I started thinking about the rapture thread...etc.
:blush:
here's hoping that today's tropical fucking stew of steam and wet does indeed come down in hunky man-shapes.
Agreed, my sistah in humidity-hatin'
A New York man spent his entire $140,000 life savings advertising his prediction that the world will end May 21, the New York Post reported Friday.
Robert Fitzpatrick, a 60-year-old Staten Island resident, said he spent at least that sum on 1,000 subway-car placards and ads on bus kiosks and subway cars.
They say, "Global Earthquake: The Greatest Ever! Judgment Day May 21, 2011."
In a self-published book, "The Doomsday Code," Fitzpatrick said the Bible offers "proof that cannot be dismissed."
"Judgment Day will surprise people. We will not be ready for it," Fitzpatrick said in an interview with the newspaper. "A giant earthquake will render the earth uninhabitable."
If you want to set an alarm clock, the quake will happen just before 6:00pm local time, he said.
"God's people will be resurrected. It is also the day that God stops saving anyone," he said.
Fitzpatrick hopes that he is one of the chosen ones, but he could not be really certain.
"There's just a little doubt," he said. "Most churches teach that if you just believe, you will be saved. It is not our choice. It is God's choice."
Do you think I have time to order his book?
Do you think I have time to order his book?
I lawled
6PM local time? So it will spread from east to west. At least we'll have some warning.
I'm glad the micro brew/ local food tasting I bought tickets for is on the 20th, I'd hate to think I dropped $80 for nothing.
6PM local time? So it will spread from east to west. At least we'll have some warning.
What if we legislated a leap-hour at that point?
Kind of like the 13th floor in some tall buildings. I like that.
4 more days. I'm so excited. This is going to be super excellent, I just know it. Much, much better than Y2K.
♫ ♪ 'cause tonight we're gonna party like it's 5/21/11 ♫ ♪
Rapture? I thought that was hand clapping music?
[YOUTUBE]pHCdS7O248g[/YOUTUBE]
If rapture is the final solution on earth, then is overture where we go to get our 50 virgins?
The good news is that gas prices will drop significantly after May 21.
Not so. The anti Christ (who we don't know yet) will make a speech at the UN letting us all know that the people were whisked away by a strange energy field as a result of our dependency on fossil fuels.
It'll be a boring speech but the real fun happens in 3 1/2 years when he's assassinated and rises from the dead.
Mark my words. Heathens.
Best quote I've seen so far:
"Dear God
Saturday is bad for me. Raincheck?"
hahahahahhahahahaha
Top Ten Ways To Make The Apocalypse More Fun
The Late Show with David Letterman
10. Hosted by Neil Patrick Harris
9. Crazy hats like at the Royal Wedding
8. All-you-can-eat baby back ribs with Chili’s Aporkalypse special
7. Instead of four horsemen, three horsemen and a monkey riding a dog
6. Telecast of the Real Housewives being vaporized
5. Live tweet it
4. Hilarious slide whistle sound effect when the righteous ascend to heaven
3. Raffle drawing for a Broyhill dinette set
2. People’s panicked pleas for mercy are critiqued by Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, and Howie Mandel
1. More fun? What’s more fun than the apocalypse?
I am getting SO excited. If I could keep my friend from getting drunk too early I'd make her have a rapture party.
What time will the devastating earthquake make its way to Ohio?
You mean it hasn't already?
We're having a big, wet, messy spring snowstorm at the moment. Does that count? Also, are cats subject to the rapture? Are we going to have to live in a world without puddy-tats?
I don't WANT to be raped, I mean raptured, if my kitty can't come along. Eff that. We'll brave the end of the world together...puh, can't skeer US!
♫ ♪ People let me tell you about my best friend...♫ ♪
that idea sounds Capitol!
Just two shopping days until The Rapture, folks ... make sure you have those loose ends tied up ...
I wish I would have known about this a little sooner:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/109642-Ride-Out-the-Apocalypse-in-the-Worlds-First-Zombie-Proof-House
Lucky the folks with a zombie-proof house - it appears that it will serve a duel purpose this weekend.
Btw, it is Zombie Awareness Month
http://www.zombieresearch.org/awareness.html I'm ordering an awareness ribbon as I'm pretty sure I'll still be here come Sunday.
At first I didn't see how it was going to keep the undead at bay.
Very Bunkerish!
Hurry before its too late!
HAHAHHAHAHAA!
I'll be here to feed my cat. Gawd probably doesn't want me. *sniffle snort*
I'll be here to feed my cat. Gawd probably doesn't want me. *sniffle snort*
Infin Monkey -
MY GODDESS! WHAT is that shiny, glowing celestial sphere?????
Is it a sign of the coming rapture????
Calm down dear, it's an onion.
I'm ready for the rapture.
I have no money left in my bank account.
I have finished my Moon Pies and Pork Skins.
I said goodbye to Tiger.
I've seen Basshunter's huge cock.
I won't be taken up of course, but intend to move into the vacant house of a good Christian family - preferably one with a pool, and drink myself to death. Then Diz can eat my face. Seems like a reasonable plan to me.
I'm really confused about some of the rapture logistics. It seems that the rapture really starts tonight? I'm so confused. How am I supposed to prepare for the rapture when I can't get over my direction and space/time continuum dyslexia? My plan was to drink and drug and rape and pillage until about an hour before, then repent my ASS off.
Now wtf am I supposed to do?
Will one of you smart people please help me understand when I can expect rapture activity in West Central Ohio?
The end of the world will be at exactly 6 p.m. on May 21, 2011, says Camping, who along with his organization, Family Radio, are behind those billboards across the country forecasting the Rapture this Saturday. The Rapture, the Last Days, Armageddon and the Final Days of Judgment are all interchangeable. It's when God will destroy the Earth to show his love for humanity.
Is that Eastern Standard or Pacific Standard Time?
Neither, says Camping, whom I interviewed recently for my online news show TYT Now. The Rapture is at 6 p.m. on May 21, 2011, where ever it's 6 p.m. first, with the "fantastically big" world-ending event taking place on a time zone by time zone basis.
That means we can expect the Rapture to start when it hits 6 p.m. at the International Dateline at 180 Longitude -- roughly the between Pago Pago, American Samoa, and Nuku'alofa, Tonga. We'll know it's Judgment Day because there will be an earthquake of previously unprecedented magnitude, Camping predicts.
So, according to these calculations, the Rapture will actually begin like a rolling brown out across the globe at 11 p.m. PST on Friday, May 20th. "Everyone will be weeping and wailing because they'll know in a few hours it'll come to their city," said Camping.
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/05/the-rapture-is-not-saturday-its-tonight/239177/What about those areas that don't celebrate daylight savings time?
Um... 6 P.M.?
Bzzzzzzz.
No, I read that it was going to be a series of earthquakes, time zone by time zone.
Did you read the quote?
Puh, you're not allowed on my Rape and Pillage Bus Tour and Luncheon Excursion, buster.
Yeah, it's like doing the wave at a ball game stadium. See, it starts at 6 p.m. on the date line, which is like 2 a.m. for me, end then the rapture wave travels along the world and reaches me at 6 p.m. tomorrow. But I'll know about it when I wake up because all the dwellars in Oz, a former penal colony, will be left behind and will be posting about it here.
So I'll have all day to wail and gnash my teeth, or maybe go to my kids soccer games, and mow the lawn if it dries out enough. At least we know the end of the world won't be by fire. Too damp around here.
Ahhh.
What, no pillaging, at the very least? You can repant, I mean repent, right before.
I can't wait to wail, but I'll have to wear my night guard for teeth gnashing as I don't want to screw up my dental work.
Esp. since your dentist was 'pre-raptured'
Esp. since your dentist was 'pre-raptured'
Dude, you're on fire today.
Pre-raptured. HAGGIS.
I think I finally nailed down the proper dosage...
I plan to just keep setting my clock back and the wave will just go right around me.
pre-raptured. I like it. No, your honour, I didn't murder him, he was preraptured and I was just assisting. he said i could have his jewellery.
So, if it's like a big mexican wave all around the world, could you be in at the beginning and then fly backwards a bit and get re-raptured? Maybe you could even repent en route.....?
I've got 18 hours to find Matt Damon and a can of crisco!
I plan to just keep setting my clock back and the wave will just go right around me.
will you get younger?
Question for the organizers: What about my Netflix disks? I have two at home that I haven't watched. Maybe I should switch to the streaming only option. Will that still be available?
The way I see it, we get 5 months until The End of Days© so I'd say watch them at your leisure.
Something I'm going to do post-rapture is to pronounce leisure "leasure." I'm converting to British after the rapture.
The way I see it, we get 5 months until The End of Days© so I'd say watch them at your leisure.
Something I'm going to do post-rapture is to pronounce leisure "leasure." I'm converting to British after the rapture.
we don't pronounce it leasure. :mad: think French "Les jours"
Lay jurors?
You know, lezzzzzhure. Rhymes with pleasure.
Well, Robert Scorpio on General Hospital said it that way.
yeah, rhymes with pleasure. but leasure doesn't :lol:
I don't know how to do phonetics. I dropped that class in college. It was my last requirement for a minor in English but it was not only sooooooooooo boring it was on Thursday morning and as Wednesday was the big party night because mostly there weren't classes on Thursday morning (because of chapel) and I just couldn't make it.
So I wish I could explain how I say pleasure and leisure and how I'm going to speak differently after the rapture, but I can't.
I wonder how bad the roads will be? I might try to get to MI, say mid-June? I guess it won't even have to be a weekend, though there will probably still be students wanting their refund checks.
How do you pronounce rapture? With a long a, like ape?
Yes, and I pronounce ass with a long a.
I wonder how bad the roads will be? I might try to get to MI, say mid-June? I guess it won't even have to be a weekend, though there will probably still be students wanting their refund checks.
Well if the predictions are accurate they may be a little torn up with earthquake fissures. However
[LIST=1]
They keep predicting fuck-off tornadoes that never happen. Bunch of bloody drama queens. What are the chances of them being any more accurate with this earthquake thing?
[*]How would we tell the fucking difference? I have to count passengers everytime I hit a pothole, make sure I didn't lose any
[/LIST]
Ummm... Who do you think will have best rapture coverage? Fox or CNN?
Fox will blame the democrats.
Ummm... Who do you think will have best rapture coverage? Fox or CNN?
B.E.T. Hey, It's RAP-ture.
Roofs are the tool of Satan!!!
Fox will blame the demoncrats.
fify
End of the earth is only one day away. Changes the entire meaning of a popular expression. "Have a good one."
So why were so many religious extremists also worried about the price of gasoline?
I'mm'a watch it on netflix when all the hoo-haa has died down.
My hoo-haa died on 9/11 you insensitive bitch.
Just a thought: is it sporting to use rapturing Christians for skeet shooting targets?
My hoo-haa died on 9/11 you insensitive bitch.
Just a thought: is it sporting to use rapturing Christians for skeet shooting targets?
Not very sporting, but good family fun!
Ok. Still here. The Rapture is supposed to be 6pm PST which is 9pm here in Ohio.
Should I bother to tidy up?
Oh. I suppose I should. I'll be left behind, after all....
Ok. Still here. The Rapture is supposed to be 6pm PST which is 9pm here in Ohio.
Should I bother to tidy up?
Oh. I suppose I should. I'll be left behind, after all....
It's 6 pm local time. Jeebus has all his clocks lined up, for anywhere in the world. When a clock hits 6pm, he makes big earthquakes, volcano eruptions, and floods happen in that area, and only that area. It's a miracle.
So what would happen to me if I was standing with one foot in a 6pm time zone and the other in a 5pm time zone? :eyebrow:
So what would happen to me if I was standing with one foot in a 6pm time zone and the other in a 5pm time zone? :eyebrow:
Painful split?
[YOUTUBE]tWc4sH-WPcM[/YOUTUBE]
Where is that old link to the game with the girl that bounced from bubble to bubble bending every which way... I kind of picture that if you were raptured in a hailstorm.
My airliner leaves on time. Trains arrive on time. The News comes on as scheduled on time. But god cannot even perform his rapture on time? Clearly, god must be defective top management. Bankruptcy is necessary to replace god with a more reliable one.
Proves it again. After ten years, even god no longer works for the people. Term limits for god would obviously solve this rapture failure.
Like almost here, CST
New informatin from the peacher. God is his neighbor; lives in CA. God still has time to get it right. That's a relief. Someone foolishly suggested that god was not educated; could not read a clock.
I'm starting to think that there's a chance it might not happen after all.
My airliner leaves on time. Trains arrive on time...
:eyebrow:
Ya really?
:lol:
Hey, here's a thought: Maybe the rapture DID happen and all those self-righteous folks who are still here just weren't as righteous in God's eyes as they had thought.
Snap.
Hey, here's a thought: Maybe the rapture DID happen and all those self-righteous folks who are still here just weren't as righteous in God's eyes as they had thought.
Snap.
Yes, but God promised earthquakes, floods, and general mayhem also. Where is all of that? I want my general mayhem damnit!
It's coming, he's got six months to deliver all that.
Really? The general mayhem wasn't an immediate effect?
Nothing obvious happened.
I missed it all. I was busy watching the Preakness and was far more focused on how Animal Kingdom's jockey left his push until it was too late. 1/16 of a mile shorter means a lot in horseracing.
I'm glad this is over. People on facebook were creating bad rapture jokes like there was no tomorrow. My friend got mad because he couldn't think of one but I assured him that it wasn't the end of the world.
Outstanding. We get to ridicule him and his followers a second time, almost like a second coming ...
Actually I pity the followers. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity, I always say.
Nothing obvious happened.
I missed it all. I was busy watching the Preakness and was far more focused on how Animal Kingdom's jockey left his push until it was too late. 1/16 of a mile shorter means a lot in horseracing.
Was it 6 PM? Maybe he was distracted by all the people floating by.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity, I always say.
Unfortunately, these people are voters and drivers, too.