Best of The Onion

Today: Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

Osama bin Laden slideshow: Death of a Motherfucker

http://www.theonion.com/articles/osama-bin-laden-death-of-a-mother-fucker,20293/?slide=1

monster, I sent that hostage clip to my mom and brothers. My mom hates the walmart, but we've had occasion to tease her about going there.

U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low

In 2009, the mortality rate in the United States fell 2.3 percent to 741 deaths per 100,000. Here are some of the factors behind the nation's lowest-ever death rate:

[LIST=1]
[*]Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died
[*]Loading up boats with really sick people and sending them out to die in international waters
[*]The so-called "741-per-100,000 Murderer" was captured and incarcerated
[*]Dr. Christopher Walsh of Youngstown, OH started washing his hands
[*]Horace Mann Middle School's 1971 removal of asbestos finally started to pay off
[*]Good chunk of population now getting three nutritious meals a day via correctional facilities
[*]Shorter bridges that make it easier for people to hold their breath all the way across
[*]National Rounded-Scissors Act of 2008
[/LIST]


http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-mortality-rate-at-alltime-low,19787/

infinite monkey;733340 wrote:

U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low

[LIST=1]
[*]Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died
[/LIST]

That made me chortle.

DanaC;733583 wrote:

That made me chortle.

Me too. I did also like # 3 and # 8.

Some of them just really weren't funny. We could improve that one. :p:

How many Horace Mann schools are out there? I thought the one in Gary, Indiana was the one and only. Ha. They are all over the place.

I didn't get that one. Isn't that the school in School of Rock?

*scurries off to google*

Ahhh, it was Horace Green Elementary.

Pico and ME;733593 wrote:

How many Horace Mann schools are out there? I thought the one in Gary, Indiana was the one and only. Ha. They are all over the place.

Binghamton, NY has one.

OMG... I am still tearing up with laughter at this one.

I know its old, but dayumm that's a funny scenario to picture.

Kids, Your Mother Is Ready To Start F*cking Again

Now who wants a grilled cheese?
Bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

#7 #8

Fucking