Core Values. I has them.

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my values and goals recently.The exercise is to determine your 5 top "core" values.

After a great deal of thought, here are mine. Try not to make too much fun of me, dear Cellarites. If you know yours, and are willing to share, that's fine, but I completely understand they might be personal, too.

Independence
(health, mobility/strength, financial security, personal security/safety, singledom, control)

Intellectuality
(intellectual curiosity & pursuit, creativity, learning, teaching, intelligence)

Joy
(family love, relationships/friends, nature, dance, spirituality, art/beauty)

Nonconformity
(different drummer, freedom, alternative living, whimsy, FTW)

Serenity
(peace & quiet, low stress/low activity, relaxation, zen)

I think I first ran into this reading "Smart Women Finish Rich" by David Bach, wherein he makes the point that you should spend your money in line with your values. And make goals in line with your values, and actually live your life pursuant to them, etc.

Of course, that's assuming you know what your values are. Your own values--not other people's. I think you really run into trouble if you try to live your live according to other people's values--your parents', your church's, or some other subset of "must/should/ought." That's what happens to people in midlife when they suddenly wake up and go, WTF? This isn't the way I want to live my life!

I also think the process is valuable, trying to identify what is important to you. And it's so very personal: My "freedom" doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as your "freedom."

Anyway: If you are interested,here are some links on the subject.

The art of manliness: Defining your core values

David Bach article

We all cherish and value people whose values are in line with our own. For me his isn't about making other peoples values my own it is about sharing like mindedness.

Happiness
Health
Hope
Honesty
Humor

Two more add-ons

security
self-reliance.

I must add two more though because those first five values don't matter much if there isn't any security and self-reliance.

some things surprised me during this process. I found I had to grope for words that meant what I wanted them to mean. "Singledom," "intellectuality," and the like are maybe made up. I came up with "serenity" finally after using "peace" and a bunch of other stuff.

I was surprised that being single was one of my basic sub-values, and not just a result of them.

Family
Health
Peace
Balance
Security

it can be hard to separate values from goals. I mean -- health. Is health a value? or a goal? It could be either. Security is a goal, really, a basic need. That's why I bundled good health and financial and personal security into my value of "independence." Although I guess independence could be a goal, too. fardle!

Im stuck in a rut goal/value-wise. Juggling our finances so that we can save and spend at the same time is taking up most of my energy. Ive been working hard at getting our debt down, too. Its an up and down battle. I wish I could break free of it, because it seems almost every decision I make is related to money.

but do you spend your money in line with your values? This is one real great reason to sit down and figure this out. Maybe you're spending a lot of your money keeping up with someone else's values.

If you're in a rut, maybe take the time to set some of these values down, and come up with your own list.

Maybe you're spending a lot of your money keeping up with someone else's values

Nope. Im 48, I stopped living according to someone else's values a long time ago.

Well, that's good. You say that every decision you make comes down to money. Can you make a plan, then automate some of it? then forget about it? (mostly)

It is too exhausting to have core values. I have satellite values and vague fears.

Curiosity
Loyalty
Integrity
Novelty
Serenity

"novelty"? What does that mean to you? Seems odd for a core value that you base your life on. Is it the cult of the new that attracts you?

'Curiosity' and 'Novelty' might be seen as similar.

I once stated to someone that the only reason I bother to stay alive is
1. Duty (to only three people, my husband, my mother and my grandmother)
2. Curiosity (but as a cynical pessimist, it's hard to believe that it'll be worth it)

I've added some element of novelty to that list -- travel to new places, try different things... if I find myself stuck staring at a metaphorical wall for 24 hours a day, I'd opt out in a hurry -- unless (of course) it was contradicted by my admittedly limited sense of loyalty.

I guess you might also call it hedonism.

curiosity is one of mine, too, but I bundled it into intellectuality. It's kind of hard to come up with the right categories.

Brianna;642432 wrote:

It is too exhausting to have core values. I have satellite values and vague fears.

Stuff like this is why you are priceless! :)

Pie;642443 wrote:

...

I once stated to someone that the only reason I bother to stay alive is
1. Duty (to only three people, my husband, my mother and my grandmother)
2. Curiosity (but as a cynical pessimist, it's hard to believe that it'll be worth it)

I've added some element of novelty to that list -- travel to new places, try different things... if I find myself stuck staring at a metaphorical wall for 24 hours a day, I'd opt out in a hurry...

I'm with you on the trying new things/traveling thing.... but offing yourself due to boredom I don't get. I mean, what else ya got going on? It is what it is, it is what you make it, opting out makes no sense to me.

Brianna;642432 wrote:

It is too exhausting to have core values. I have satellite values and vague fears.

Shawnee123;642457 wrote:

Stuff like this is why you are priceless! :)

That's what I thought too. It's so angst -y and poetical.


It belongs on a poster. It's too good of material for a bumper sticker.:)

I sobering proclamation. Something we have all felt and I do appreciate getting to the heart(s) of the matter(s).

Thank you for being you Bri.

Purple
Beer


that's pretty much it.


Srsly. I'm always busy, I do what I believe I must, what I want to, and what seems right. it feels good. If I know I should do something, I fit it in. Somehow. I don't have time to contemplate the whys and wherefores and I'm glad about that. Navel-gazing is not something that I enjoy. IF I start to reflect it just tells me aI have a gap in my schedule. The only choices that ever seem to require a modicum of thought are what color and what flavor. So those must be my core values. :)

yup, I know I'm lucky.

purple and beer works for me too

useful, more than enjoyable, perhaps. I'm finding it a useful tool; now I run activities and goals through this filter; i.e., is what I'm spending my time/money for in line with this stuff? helps in prioritizing and decision making

like I say, I'm lucky. If it's important, somehow I manage to fit it in. I guess maybe I get a little help by being the one of the ones who sets the dates for most of the stuff my kids do, so I can make sure important things don't clash. How do I decide it's important? It just is. If things clash, we always manage to find a way to get everyone to where they want to be .......perhaps we are blessed by FSM because we usually consume a bowl of pasta before embarking on the evening leisure activities?

blessed indeed

ramen.

I have apple core values.

You might say my values are the pits.

Slack.

you can put down assholiness as one of yours. Be honest! I'll try not to judge.

My core values:

1. Treating others with respect
2. Showing love and kindness to my family
3. Helping others where I can
4. Relating to people on a humanistic level
5. A strong belief that we must look after and conserve the planet, it's species and resources

My goals:

1. Take part in environmental and anti-arms trade campaigning
2. Find a loving personal relationship
3. Develop my creativity in music and writing
4. Develop a healthier lifestyle
5. Do more travelling and experience other cultures

okay, these sound good--thanks Mad Professor. But I wonder if numbers 1, 3, and 4 are actually the same thing; or at least 1 and 4. If you consolidate, you have room for another!

Also, how do goals #3 and 4 relate to your values?

Not trying to be picky here, just to stimulate some thought.

Cloud;642665 wrote:

okay, these sound good--thanks Mad Professor. But I wonder if numbers 1, 3, and 4 are actually the same thing; or at least 1 and 4. If you consolidate, you have room for another!

Also, how do goals #3 and 4 relate to your values?

Not trying to be picky here, just to stimulate some thought.

yes I suppose treating people with respect is implicitly part of relating to people on a humanistic level, so that does give me one more :)

goals 3 and 4 stem from desires: to express myself creatively, and to feel that I am looking after my body and mind, which would bring me contentment, a supervening goal.

my extra core value would be liberal political thought, if Cloud allows me to have that one ;)

I'm not your secret keeper, just offering some thoughts for refinement. I had to whittle, rename, and rearrange mine quite a bit. And liberal political thought is implicit in my value "nonconformity"!

Laughter.

isn't there some sort of quiz I could take to tell me what mine are?

Your Wanking Habits Can Reveal Your Destiny

What Color Do You Aspire To Be?

Do You Really Care About The Human Race?

There are more if you don't like those....

I really like the 2nd one. purple? me? whodathunkit?

Pete Zicato;642637 wrote:

I have apple core values.

You might say my values are the pits.

heh heh

Cloud;642665 wrote:

okay, these sound good--thanks Mad Professor. But I wonder if numbers 1, 3, and 4 are actually the same thing; or at least 1 and 4. If you consolidate, you have room for another!...

But you have to be careful... if you state your values too broadly, too all encompassing, they become vague, and make it harder to connect them to specific goals.

I have to add integrity but it has to be coupled with a good nature or tolerance which maybe seen as a contradiction.

That debate would be for the philosophy thread.

well, you have honesty, which could go into integrity, and tolerance fits fine in there, too.

jinx;642459 wrote:

I'm with you on the trying new things/traveling thing.... but offing yourself due to boredom I don't get. I mean, what else ya got going on? It is what it is, it is what you make it, opting out makes no sense to me.

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
Most of the time, it's just not worth it.

Cloud;642413 wrote:

some things surprised me during this process. I found I had to grope for words that meant what I wanted them to mean. "Singledom," "intellectuality," and the like are maybe made up. I came up with "serenity" finally after using "peace" and a bunch of other stuff.

I was surprised that being single was one of my basic sub-values, and not just a result of them.

Just on the face of it, I find "singledom" hard to integrate with "family" kind of values. Is there not a conflict here?

Then too, I do have a happy marriage, and value that. It ain't just the regular sex and the warm bed and the predawn snuggles; there's fulfilment in a good partnership. Some people have a very hard time finding a good partner, and others are simply awful partners themselves, incapable of a good marriage and with no business trying it.

Of the Heinleinian-style virtues, competence either makes independence, or is independence. Not sure which, nor sure I should be concerned, when there is the doing of it to be doing.

monster;642679 wrote:

Laughter.

And cause for it.

Pie;642842 wrote:

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
Most of the time, it's just not worth it.

Well now I'm confused - is it boring or is it painful?

It could be both. Right now, it's slightly more interesting than boring.

Interesting + pain > 0
Boring + pain < 0

See?

Just on the face of it, I find "singledom" hard to integrate with "family" kind of values. Is there not a conflict here?

on the face of it, perhaps. But even single people have families, and there's more to "family love" than the love between a husband and wife.

Cloud;643312 wrote:

on the face of it, perhaps. But even single people have families, and there's more to "family love" than the love between a husband and wife.

:notworthy

Well said.

Very well said!

I am resolutely single. Doesn't stop me being very family oriented.

I think harmony is my core value.

Loyalty, honour, faith, love. With these things I can make my way through life knowing I've done the best I can.

Cloud;643312 wrote:

On the face of it, perhaps. But even single people have families, and there's more to "family love" than the love between a husband and wife.

Hmm, then I guess it boils down to whether you reckon you can or should run a family, or not. With, say, the virtues

Loyalty, honour, faith, love. With these things I can make my way through life. . .

Ali listed.