Holy, Creeping Jesus, the smell!

squirell nutkin • Jan 23, 2010 11:11 am
I started in on cleaning the couch and chair, which over night had quieted to a dull olfactory roar. I did a little test on the side of the chair with some Simple Green straight form the bottle. Pretty good, smelled good, took off some of the leather's dye. Less good.

Well, when in doubt, follow the instructions. So, I get a small amount of gentle soap on a wet rag and make a little lather and wipe down the back of the chair.

Rag looks pretty gray, go to rinse it out and before I am halfway across the kitchen the horrifying smell of stinky, wet, dog with god knows what sort of fecal undertones and anal gland high notes bursts into the air. I could actually see honest, god fearing normal kitchen aroma-molecules being jack-booted by the emanations from this couch.

I will admit now that when it comes to just about any other unpleasant stimulus, bad smells cut me off at the knees.

The several hours will be tough.

Once more unto the stinky breech...
monster • Jan 23, 2010 11:13 am
Is it really worth the effort? Ugh, you poor thing.
squirell nutkin • Jan 23, 2010 11:16 am
I am asking myself that now.
Nirvana • Jan 23, 2010 11:53 am
Hmm I hope Uncle Homer didn't die on that couch and thats why they were selling it :eek:
lumberjim • Jan 23, 2010 11:58 am
i must have skipped a chapter somehow
squirell nutkin • Jan 23, 2010 1:17 pm
I intro-ed this over in Prisoner of love and, in my grandiosity, failed to insert a link.

I added Lestoil, (very piney) Ammonia, (fight fire with fire) and some simple green. Now it smells rather fragrant when wet.

I also noted, from my post-Xmas tree needle vacuuming discovery, that fragrant things in the vacuum cleaner make the air smell nice and not so doogy. I pulverized some very nice incense and vacuumed it up in a new bag.

Now all I need to do is light an oil lamp, put on the Doors first album, smoke a bowl, and then I'd be right back where I came from wishful sinful wicked...

Whoa, sorry drifting there. I'm back.

Did the Ottoman, and the arm chair. After lunch I'll tackle the couch.
xoxoxoBruce • Jan 23, 2010 1:55 pm
You may be drying the leather out with that concoction. I highly recommend Lexol Leather Conditioner. Starting with the Lexol cleaner would be good too.
Griff • Jan 23, 2010 1:59 pm
I was wondering if that'd be a better route.
squirell nutkin • Jan 23, 2010 2:36 pm
Dudes, please. I've got a boatload of lexol in the house. You cannot put lexol on this shit, you'd just be further cementing the death-funk into the pores of the leather. Leather can take a lot of abuse, that's why they use leather in the first place.

I've washed it off, dried it, it's still very supple. It had been waxed at some point. It smells better, but if you put your snout right up next to it, you can still smell. Now I've got the chair locked in the office and I'm burning about 50 sticks of VivaPine Sandalwood incense in there with it. I'm hoping the smoke will adhere to the leather a bit.

I forgot to febreeze it first.
Juniper • Jan 23, 2010 2:45 pm
I feel for you. My house smells like cat piss.
jinx • Jan 23, 2010 2:55 pm
Dennis and Spike's breeder has 5 adult cats, 4 queens and 1 male. They live in an addition she had put on the house just for them.
Holy balls her house stunk so friggin bad. I remember Dennis needing 2 scrub downs just to get the smell off him... and Spike was almost as stinky when we picked him up. I wanted to just run in, grab him, and run out - but was forced to take a tour of the cat room and meet all the cats because she's so proud of them. So she's showing me the male and telling me how exceptional he is, that he's nice to all the moms and kittens and loves to snuggle and stuff, which was obvious becuase he had curled up on Spencer and was purring like crazy.... So then she says "And he doesn't spray!" "It doesn't smell like urine at all in here".
Mind over matter apparently. We all went home and showered.
Nirvana • Jan 23, 2010 4:07 pm
This reminds me of when I go to the sale barn to buy hay and I assume the horse people are thinking that guy stinks he must have cows. The cow guys thinks that guy stinks he must have sheep. The sheep guy thinks whew that guy must have hogs and the hog guy must think the horse guy stinks. :eyebrow: ;)
Pete Zicato • Jan 23, 2010 4:19 pm
There are a number of cleaning products that you can buy at the pet store that contain an enzyme to break down poo and pee smells. We've had very good luck with these. They don't cover up the smell, but break them down into simpler molecules that don't smell.
Glinda • Jan 23, 2010 4:55 pm
jinx;629495 wrote:
Dennis and Spike's breeder has 5 adult cats, 4 queens and 1 male. They live in an addition she had put on the house just for them.
Holy balls her house stunk so friggin bad. I remember Dennis needing 2 scrub downs just to get the smell off him... and Spike was almost as stinky when we picked him up. I wanted to just run in, grab him, and run out - but was forced to take a tour of the cat room and meet all the cats because she's so proud of them. So she's showing me the male and telling me how exceptional he is, that he's nice to all the moms and kittens and loves to snuggle and stuff, which was obvious becuase he had curled up on Spencer and was purring like crazy.... So then she says "And he doesn't spray!" "It doesn't smell like urine at all in here".
Mind over matter apparently. We all went home and showered.


I feel your pain.

I do in-home pet sitting on the side. One of my clients is a breeder/shower of Somalis. OMG. There are 30-35 cats in this tiny little house at any given time (and the same number of litter boxes) - 85% of which are intact. The smell is simply horrifying.

It takes me about an hour, morning and evening, to feed them (don't get me started on how this cat has to have this special food mixed with that special additive, but don't give this other stuff to that cat, and this one must have XY and Z every other day, etc.), water, and de-pooify the place, and by the time I'm done I want to kill myself.

I have no idea how these people can stand it. :greenface
squirell nutkin • Jan 23, 2010 10:21 pm
Denial. Not just a river in Africa.
Juniper • Jan 23, 2010 10:33 pm
We put in hardwood floor, which helped. As soon as Ancient Kitty cashes it in, we're gonna replace the rest of the carpet - lower level rooms and bedrooms. Ms. Ancient One may need some help in that regard, but it's so hard to choose the day to say "that's it." She has a special liking for my son's room, for some reason, and the poor kid is getting so upset about it. I can't blame him. :(
squirell nutkin • Jan 23, 2010 10:42 pm
It's important to let him know where he stands in the family hierarchy.
xoxoxoBruce • Jan 24, 2010 12:03 am
squirell nutkin;629489 wrote:
Dudes, please. I've got a boatload of lexol in the house. You cannot put lexol on this shit, you'd just be further cementing the death-funk into the pores of the leather. Leather can take a lot of abuse, that's why they use leather in the first place.
No, no, do the Lexol after you get it clean. There's no way you're going to get the smell out without removing some, if not most, of the emollients that keep leather from cracking.
Juniper • Jan 24, 2010 1:57 am
squirell nutkin;629540 wrote:
It's important to let him know where he stands in the family hierarchy.


Ouch.
squirell nutkin • Jan 24, 2010 2:03 am
Yes, the lexol after I get it clean. I thought you meant the lexol first. I've got the lexol standing by...
wolf • Jan 24, 2010 11:23 am
Woah. You ended up with the furniture from the Da-Da-Da VW commercial?

Spray some Oust around, too. It will quell nearly all gaseous odiferousness.

We even have an emergency can at the nuthouse.
squirell nutkin • Jan 24, 2010 1:27 pm
Hey Wolf, long time no read.

I will get some oust. That da da da vw commercial was great, never saw it before.

The cleaning is done. I have lexolled and Febreezed, and incensed the set. I think the next thing is to swiffer it or tack ckoth it to get any remaining animal hairs off. They seem to generate themselves.
monster • Jan 24, 2010 6:20 pm
squirell nutkin;629540 wrote:
It's important to let him know where he stands in the family hierarchy.


Juniper;629570 wrote:
Ouch.


He does have a point, painful though it might be. :(
Juniper • Jan 24, 2010 7:11 pm
We like to call it "teaching compassion."

But it's also entirely possible we're just teaching him to hate cats.
monster • Jan 24, 2010 7:41 pm
I'd be pretty upset if it were me. I'd hate my parents more than the cat. :(
xoxoxoBruce • Jan 24, 2010 8:17 pm
He'll learn to keep his door shut... and maybe, if he's smart, become a magician...












[SIZE="1"]making a cat disappear.[/SIZE]:unsure:
monster • Jan 24, 2010 8:19 pm
Door shut = ruined flooring.
xoxoxoBruce • Jan 24, 2010 8:28 pm
The carpet is already trash, and the kid's bedroom is only the favorite place, not the only place.
monster • Jan 24, 2010 8:42 pm
Closed Door = Nightlong yowling....
xoxoxoBruce • Jan 24, 2010 8:47 pm
We haven't determined this is at night, have we? All night yowling lets the entire family to be pissed off, rather than just one being pissed on.
monster • Jan 24, 2010 8:57 pm
fair point. I guess our experience overwhelmed me. But all the same... boys' bedroom need to air during the day....
richlevy • Jan 24, 2010 9:13 pm
Nirvana;629451 wrote:
Hmm I hope Uncle Homer didn't die on that couch and thats why they were selling it :eek:
I remember an episode from a sitcom where that happened.
richlevy • Jan 24, 2010 9:17 pm
jinx;629495 wrote:
4 queens and 1 male
So you think females are queens and males are just...well...males. For Jim's sake, I'm hoping you only apply that philosophy to cats.
Juniper • Jan 24, 2010 11:15 pm
Haha rich -- "queen" is the name for a female cat who is not spayed.

It's been my experience that, as long as they're not into spraying, male cats are very well behaved litter-box wise. Females are the weird ones. I never had a problem with any of our male kitties unless they were sick. Female cats tend to piss on the floor for other reasons, especially if there are other females in the house.

Actually, Ancient Cat is sick -- vet says it's a kidney thing - but she's not sick enough to put down just because of it, and we can't treat her without mega bucks, and even then there's no guarantee she'll behave. She's 20, for God's sake. Not much of a return on investment there.

The smart thing to do is to shut Ancient Cat up in the bathroom when we are not able to watch her. We do that, when we remember. It helps.

I'm sorry for hijacking your thread, Mr. Squirrel. :)
xoxoxoBruce • Jan 25, 2010 12:00 am
That's OK, he'd pretty much played out his project. We're just keepin' the thread warm for updates. ;)
squirell nutkin • Jan 25, 2010 11:17 am
When I am in a better mood I will update...

Thanks for keeping it warm though.
Pie • Jan 25, 2010 12:20 pm
richlevy;629715 wrote:
So you think females are queens and males are just...well...males.


Juniper;629746 wrote:
Haha rich -- "queen" is the name for a female cat who is not spayed.


Isn't an intact male called a Tom?
jinx • Jan 25, 2010 12:44 pm
Not by the breeder lady. She called him "Kibby", or "the male".
Griff • Jan 25, 2010 5:52 pm
squirell nutkin;629827 wrote:
When I am in a better mood I will update...

Thanks for keeping it warm though.


I came home to a dog vomit laced leather couch today... nice.
squirell nutkin • Jan 25, 2010 8:01 pm
It's a meme, I tell you.
victorm • Jan 29, 2010 2:13 pm
I got late to your smelly coach party, otherwise I would have suggested a solution based on vinegar. That helped in my case and it did not ruin the leather. Removed the doggy stinch, though...
xoxoxoBruce • Jan 30, 2010 2:30 am
Welcome to the Cellar, victorm. :D
Better late, than when the stench is still strong.