Life's a...
in the last few months I've worked with my son who has been hit with a condition that will affect him for the rest of his life, I've sold my business, accepted a judgement larger than my boys' tuition, seen my personal finances take a considerable hit, felt my personal reputation brutalized, been sued by people for the results of their decisions, been anally raped by uncle sam, allowed to be a coach to a group of exceptional young males, been called a douchebag by an elected official, and charged with a misdemeanor that will never stick.
What's crawling up your ass right now?
Wow. Lookout, I got nothing for you but prayers and good thoughts, and the hope that you have a strong group of friends / family to lend a shoulder.
In the last 8 months I've lost both my children to a devastating metabolic and immunological disease that is costing around $1000 a month to treat, and may or may not affect them for the rest of their lives. They may be completely independent normal adults, or have to live at home, have no friends, and be unable to hold a job, their futures uncertain after I die--it's totally up in the air. I have learned a completely new dietary lifestyle, and stopped being able to eat out of the house, ever. I have discovered in the process that I am almost certainly an undiagnosed Celiac, as I can no longer eat bread products even on the sly without severe stomach pain. I am aware this greatly increases my risk of getting the colon cancer than runs in my family. I have lost friends over my new lifestyle, but gained a few new ones. I have told off our pediatrician. I have started a website that I secretly hope will somehow make me millions.
Next?
Hey Clod -- I meant to send
this article to you earlier. I don't know if you are aware of this, but you may be able to finagle some tax write-off in the grocery budget.
to any
Sending out good thoughts knowing there is always the promise that tomorrow cannot possibly feel as bad as today.
In between the days of despair are the days full of hope and promise.
I concur with smooths good words too.
THis year, I achieved my childhood dream, but too late for my Father to see it. I watched him die and held his hand as he did. I have lost my political moorings and with them friends I thought were fast. I have gained a friend I hadn't realised was such and am grateful for that. I lost faith in my party and my work then regained some small semblance of the same in what I do. I saw a good friend go through hell and survive. He has given me some grey hairs for a souvenir. I have reacquainted myself with old demons.
It has been a strange and unsettling year.
Hey Clod -- I meant to send this article to you earlier. I don't know if you are aware of this, but you may be able to finagle some tax write-off in the grocery budget.
Oh yes, I keep every relevant grocery receipt, and I have a spreadsheet that I fill out. It's based on
this one. I'm really eager to file taxes this year because we're going to get a huge refund after all the medical writeoffs.
This year I have finally had meaningful help about my problems with alcohol.
I have fallen off the wagon a number of times, but have dutifully got back on, and each episode has been of a shorter duration.
I've got to know my parents far better than either of my siblings ever will - for good and for bad. I've established a better ad more honest relationship with Mum (although we'll never really be honest with eachother) and had to distance myself from Dad. Which is possibly a good thing, as I hero-worshipped him before.
I've had the most comprehensive treatment for my depresion, which almost amuses me, given I loved in two progressive cities and am now back in a county town (state capital divided by 10)
I am learning to love myself. It's damn hard. But not drinking helps. Drinking will always be there in my life.
Life is... a journey. I pulled into the shitty way-station. I'm pulling out.
we're going to get a huge refund after all the medical writeoffs.
:thumb: I've said it before, I'll say it again: you rock!
Prayers headed to all of you.
I cannot even begin to start posting my issues...
I am on the "perspective" bandwagon. I am maintaining a positive perspective. It's all relative.
I very recently achieved my lifelong ambition (publishing a real book that appears in real bookstores), but I have been too unhappy with the rest of my life to really enjoy the moment. Blah. I experience brief flashes of, "Wow, I published a book!" but such happy thoughts are quickly snuffed by my cynical psyche.
Rest of my life = unhappy marriage, mountain of debt, unhealthy weight gain, and profound shortage of ambition.
But, it could be worse.
I recently moved my mother, at her request, to be much nearer me so that we could enjoy a few more japes together, as she is surely getting older.
Sadly, the move seems to have precipitated an abrupt and bumpy ride into dementia, with falls, two broken arms (she's never broken a bone in her life before) and, tragically, an intermittent awareness of the awful quagmire into which she is sinking.
Instead of having two or three visits a week from me, and living in a more stimulating environment at this critical time, I can only get to see her once a week as it's a three hour trip each way for me for a three hour visit and she is in a totally unfamiliar place where there is absolutely zero mental stimulation. A regimen almost guaranteed to make things worse, and I don't see how I can change that.
I am in despair.
I'm actually pretty happy right now.
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I recently moved my mother, at her request, to be much nearer me so that we could enjoy a few more japes together, as she is surely getting older.
Sadly, the move seems to have precipitated an abrupt and bumpy ride into dementia, with falls, two broken arms (she's never broken a bone in her life before) and, tragically, an intermittent awareness of the awful quagmire into which she is sinking.
Instead of having two or three visits a week from me, and living in a more stimulating environment at this critical time, I can only get to see her once a week as it's a three hour trip each way for me for a three hour visit and she is in a totally unfamiliar place where there is absolutely zero mental stimulation. A regimen almost guaranteed to make things worse, and I don't see how I can change that.
I am in despair.
Feeling helpless is horrible, and the situation you and your mom are in, even worse. If you can't be there, and there isn't staff who can regularly stay with your mom, look to hire a person to go sit with her and visit her. If you can't afford to hire, there are probably volunteer groups who help the elderly in the area and would be willing to visit your mom. On your once a week visit you can remind her that she will be having a visitor. With her dementia she might be distrusting of the person, but if you are able to get the same person to go every time, she might accept them. Having a presence there, someone who just talks/reads/checks up on her, could help her a long way. If not, you'll know that she didn't have to spend all that time alone.
I have had zero responses to my resume. Son of A B&*@#!!!!
Where is the thread where I just get to curse? The gods even......I am willing to curse the gods as well. I will so do it.
Feeling helpless is horrible, and the situation you and your mom are in, even worse. If you can't be there, and there isn't staff who can regularly stay with your mom, look to hire a person to go sit with her and visit her. If you can't afford to hire, there are probably volunteer groups who help the elderly in the area and would be willing to visit your mom. On your once a week visit you can remind her that she will be having a visitor. With her dementia she might be distrusting of the person, but if you are able to get the same person to go every time, she might accept them. Having a presence there, someone who just talks/reads/checks up on her, could help her a long way. If not, you'll know that she didn't have to spend all that time alone.
Mtp - thanks for your your suggestions. I should have explained - she is in a hospital at the moment, which she hates as she much prefers her own company. She is not safe to live alone anymore, but doesn't realise this herself. We just have to wait this out until she can be moved nearer ... in the meanwhile we're both miserable and helpless.
Oh Limey. I feel for you honey. What a horrible situation. I have no advice I just have a hug: *hug*
I hope you are able to move her nearer soon.
This year...
My fiance of 6 months (who happened to be my BF of two years) cheated on me, lied about a number of things, and then threatened me when I left him. My biological father decided that after 18 years he wanted to get in contact with me. My younger sister developed an allergy to wheat, peanuts and strawberries (which we discovered on accident). My dad was in a biking accident and is currently undergoing more surgery for it. And the financial aid I had dropped, so I was forced to take out a loan.
Sorry to hear you're going through it, too Kitt3h.
Sounds like a damn tough time Kitt3h. Welcome to the Cellar. Hopefully it'll brighten your days a little. It certainly has mine :)
Say it with pictures:
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Oh, Lookout. You deserve a much better lot. Hang in there. Not much we can do for you through the interwebs but offer our support.
Same goes for everyone in here. A friend told me be patient with people; you don't what battles they may be fighting, or something like that. Agreed. I'll save my skeletons for some other thread, some other time.
Goddamnit.
I just found out some friends of mine lost their baby to heart failure just hours after she was born.
Fuck 2009. What a piece of shit useless year. Fuck it straight to hell.
In the last 8 months I've lost both my children to a devastating metabolic and immunological disease that is costing around $1000 a month to treat, and may or may not affect them for the rest of their lives. They may be completely independent normal adults, or have to live at home, have no friends, and be unable to hold a job, their futures uncertain after I die--it's totally up in the air. I have learned a completely new dietary lifestyle, and stopped being able to eat out of the house, ever. I have discovered in the process that I am almost certainly an undiagnosed Celiac, as I can no longer eat bread products even on the sly without severe stomach pain. I am aware this greatly increases my risk of getting the colon cancer than runs in my family. I have lost friends over my new lifestyle, but gained a few new ones. I have told off our pediatrician. I have started a website that I secretly hope will somehow make me millions.
Next?
I was shocked at first. Generally when people say they've "lost" their children to a disease, they mean their children died. I'm not discounting what you've gone through, I'm just talking about the words you use to describe it. I can't imagine the pain of going through my daughter having a life long illness, let alone actually losing her.
I think the word lost is perfect in this context. We live in hope that clod will be abe to find her children again. Children who die are not "lost", they are gone. I hate it when people use inappropriate euphemisms to nancy round unpalatable truths, thus making those word seem inappropriate in situations where they are not.
Sorry to hear about your friend's baby, fobble.
In February, my job was stolen out from under me by a "friend" that I hired and I regret leaving the security of working for a large company like Siemens. My father has been having legal issues because he tried to help a woman who was having a custody battle and in order to discredit my father, her ex-husband accused my dad of a horrible crime which he didn't do. Dad spent a year waiting for a trial and they kept pushing the date back. He was scared into accepting a plea for a crime he didn't commit because he was facing life in prison without parole vs. 6 months of house arrest.
My father and mother are both in failing health. Both have diabetes and high blood pressure. Dad can't feel his legs below his knees and won't see a doctor about it. Mom and step-dad have no jobs and have nearly exhausted unemployment and don't know what to do when it ends. Mom needs kidney surgery, but Kaiser keeps screwing around and moving her operation out which is even worse because her health insurance is about to run out.
I packed up the family and moved to the other side of the country to get a new start and buy a house with my father in Orlando, but he got frustrated with the Real Estate agents and bought a house in Ocala instead. This has made it virtually impossible for me to find a job in my field.
I spent some money to get my hot dog cart, but need more capital to make repairs to the cart, get all the paperwork, inventory, etc. to actually open the business.
All of my friends and business connections are on the west coast, so I feel helpless and useless out here. I hate the fact that my wife found work instantly, but I can't and I'm basically Mr. Mom out here. I like to work and I'm getting stir-crazy in this house everyday.
I miss my friends, family, and the food in Los Angeles.
My wife does nails for a living and she's an independent contractor (so they can avoid minimum wage) so I have no health insurance for my wife, daughter, or myself which frightens me.
My problems seem small next to some of yours, but they still keep me up at night.
I think the word lost is perfect in this context. We live in hope that clod will be abe to find her children again. Children who die are not "lost", they are gone. I hate it when people use inappropriate euphemisms to nancy round unpalatable truths, thus making those word seem inappropriate in situations where they are not.
Whether or not you think the euphemism is appropriate, the fact of the matter is this is the common usage. When someone says, "I've lost my mother to cancer" or "I lost my kids in a horrible auto accident" they aren't saying they can't find their mother or kids.
I agree that saying "My children were taken from me" etc. would probably be more accurate. I was just expressing my shock and fear for someone who, at first, I thought was saying their children had died.
I was shocked at first. Generally when people say they've "lost" their children to a disease, they mean their children died. I'm not discounting what you've gone through, I'm just talking about the words you use to describe it. I can't imagine the pain of going through my daughter having a life long illness, let alone actually losing her.
I say lost because the disease affects their brains. The children I have now are not the children they might have been. It's like when you "lose" someone to Alzheimer's--their body is still there, and you want to believe their mind is still in there somewhere, but it's locked up and you can't reach it.
And yet, I'd certainly rather have my ill children than watch my baby die in my arms in the hospital. There's nothing I can say to my friends, nothing at all.
My first child was taken from this world in April 1983. My last child was changed forever this July. In some ways they are both "dead" I still have the opportunity to see my son, but he is not the same person, nor will he ever be. All our lives were irreparably changed forever.
Clod, I understand what your friends are experiencing and I think to some degree, I grasp where you are with your own kids. I am so sorry for what you and they are going through. If there is ever anything....
Everyone - hug your children every day and tell them you love them. You REALLY never know.
What happened to change your child? Also, I'm very sorry for your incredible loss. I'd gladly give my own life to save my daughter so I can't imagine the kind of pain you've suffered through.
Thanks for your concern. I can't get into it here - those that know, know. But I need to be careful cuz of issues IRL.
Wow Classic. I can't begin to imagine losing one, let alone two. I'll bet if he could he'd tell you he loves you. Hopefully the peace of knowing that he does gives you a teeny bit of solace.
you have to hope...it will be better....
He was scared into accepting a plea for a crime he didn't commit because he was facing life in prison without parole vs. 6 months of house arrest.
Wait...Your Dad plea bargained 'life-without-parole' down to 'six months home arrest'?!
If I am
EVER charged with
ANYTHING, I want his lawyer.
P.S. Fuck cancer, fuck coma, fuck those pussy diseases that prey on children, pick on a grown-up whydoncha? And, on a personal note, fuck arthritis (Mom's crippled with it, and I'm catching up faster & faster).