The Cellars Greatest Hits

Griff • Aug 30, 2002 4:35 pm
dhamsaic nominated a warch post here for top ten status on the cellar so I'm thinking how bout a greatest hits thread for the summer doldrums? Funniest one-liners, impenetrable rants, unreadable postings, shit storms, flames that sort of thing.
juju • Aug 30, 2002 5:57 pm
How about the first time I got into an argument with Dave? :)
dave • Aug 30, 2002 6:14 pm
That one falls under the "superbly well crafted and well reasoned, most thoroughly contemplated and thought-out posts" category, right? :)
elSicomoro • Aug 30, 2002 8:51 pm
As posted by Dave in this thread in November:

"Oh yeah. I have a suggestion - on your tombstone, have inscribed 'Here lies WWARNER11, the fucking smartass.'"

That was classic...Dave has posted some gems.

Of course, so have I, but I'm not going to submit my own stuff. :)
elSicomoro • Aug 30, 2002 9:08 pm
Hubris has also come up with some fantastic gems, like this humorous exchange with Griff from here:

Griff: "Shut up, pay yer taxes, and thank God you have betters who understand what art is."

HB: "Oh.

Why art man not say so first?

Ogg feel better now.

Ogg go make lunch now.

Cow meat on bread.

Good. Good.

Later, bang rocks together."

--
And then there was the extremist thread he created...man, that was good stuff.
juju • Aug 30, 2002 10:13 pm
Originally posted by dhamsaic
That one falls under the "superbly well crafted and well reasoned, most thoroughly contemplated and thought-out posts" category, right? :)

Uh, yeah. Lol.

I think you came off as a complete raving madman. On the other hand, I look back at my post today, and can't decipher what in the hell I was thinking. I feel strangely compelled to reply to myself and start arguing with myself! So I think I can see why I provoked such a response. :)
juju • Aug 31, 2002 1:28 am
From here.
Originally posted by dhamsaic
This is really simple to solve.

Jag - back it up.

Simple as that.

Get some facts and back up your assertions. Or try and reason them out better.

Remember: criminals will *always* have guns. Period. Do you want your police chasing after them with butterknives?
Originally posted by jaguar
First of all, dham either post somehting useful or shut the fuck up, the whining "yea - do as shes says "is just...belh


That's just too funny. I mean..... my god. If only I had the <i>power</i> to shoot down people's arguments like that. :)


And later on in the same thread..
Originally posted by MaggieL
That's called "begging the question". Your hypotheticals are full of holes, jag. Now go do your homework or something.

Lol! No.. she doesn't talk down to Jag at all. Condecending? What?
juju • Aug 31, 2002 2:46 am
Here's some jewels from this thread.

Originally posted by Nic Name
To be perfectly frank, I find Jag's writing style to be very interesting ... in the genius style of J.R.R. Tolkien
Originally posted by sycamore
I wholeheartedly agree! Jag's literary style represents the "new adults"--the disenchanted and disenfranchised, who cling desperately to that ray of light we call hope.
Originally posted by MaggieL
Trying to hold Jag to a connected train of thought, a reasoned, principled position--to find out exactly what it is that he *is* saying--has proved elusive in most of the threads I've read he's been a part of...the moment he's challenged, and on the horns of a dilemma of his own making, the smoke machine turns on and there's nothing left but fog. The fragments of his stream-of-conciousness discourse mostly just don't add up. A half-remebered slogan, a value judgement shot from the hip, and he's off to the next thread.
Originally posted by jaguar
As you know, made obvious by your fascination with my age, I am not yet old enough to have written any classical literature, nor am I a professional writer - hence, I lack, and always have, a team of professional editors to temper my posts. What I do have, however, is a pair of imperfect human eyes - and these sometimes fail me. My sincerest apologies for causing your delicate senses to trip over my occasional jumble of letters.

<i>...snip...</i>

and as I have stated before, I am not trying to get published - merely, I am trying to get a point across. Sometimes this is like ramming my head into concrete, or trying to explain nuclear physics to a five year old who is running around, fingers firmly implanted in ears, screaming "YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA". That five year old then, of course, turns around and attempts to decimate my arguments in the most condescending, holier-than-thou manner I've ever been unlucky enough to stumble upon.
jaguar • Aug 31, 2002 2:54 am
Ah...sweet memories....
Not.

I didn't need a reminder about the many hours i've wasted on here when i could have been doing someing constructive, like snorting wizz fizz.
juju • Aug 31, 2002 3:35 am
Wizz fizz?
juju • Aug 31, 2002 3:58 am
Originally posted by dhamsaic
Stats also suggest that the average United States human swallows 3-4 spiders per year. Yum!
jaguar • Aug 31, 2002 4:25 am
Wizz fizz? Its like the coating on allot of lollies in pure form, in a bag, with a little spoon. Some people like to snort it coz it tingles like hell, i know a lawyer that does it with like its crack just to freak people out.
dave • Aug 31, 2002 12:16 pm
I was going to point out Hubris' extremist thread. I've said before, and I'll say it again, that is probably what I consider <b>the</b> post on the Cellar. It was a beautiful thing. :)

I should also note that the spiders thing has since been debunked. It's a myth, my friends. Nothing more.
elSicomoro • Aug 31, 2002 3:37 pm
Jag, you have become incredibly cranky lately. Lighten up man. :)

Griff and Tony's follow-ups to the extremist thread were great too.

The "Be a person" thread...heh...that was a blast. :)

Dave posted some gems in this thread too.
dave • Aug 31, 2002 6:51 pm
HA! Man, I had forgotten about those. God Muse was an ass. :)
jaguar • Aug 31, 2002 7:29 pm
I'm with dham, the extremist thread takes the cake.
BrianR • Sep 1, 2002 11:01 am
I mean, recent threads that can be viewed, anything back to the online debut? Or can we go back to the caveman days and nominate fun threads from days gone by? That only a handful of us actually remember? Maggie seems to have found the next Barak in jag. No one can replace Mike Smith (pause to laugh). Crystalline is only a name in the Saga now and RIP RichH.

So what's it going to be?

My memory is long, but system resources are short

Brian
Griff • Sep 1, 2002 1:29 pm
Its free form Bri. Take it anywhere you can.

Under the heading two dogs on one bone, I'd say Mag-n-Jag get the award for sheer persistence. The gun thread is a lot more entertaining than I ever expected it to be.
Griff • Sep 1, 2002 4:15 pm
The deja vous all over again award goes to Jag. Everybody wants a little short hand to figure out where folks are coming from... so we've seen the quiz four times now. recently here
warch • Sep 2, 2002 7:38 pm
My vote for "classic" has to go to the Taxidermy girl- After I read that, I knew I'd like to stick around. (I'd make a link back to it if I knew how to use this thang.)
juju • Sep 2, 2002 7:46 pm
You mean this thread?
warch • Sep 3, 2002 6:20 pm
Yep, thanks, that's the one. That the kid's mom popped up was so cool and then the classic expanding spins through personal philosophy and religion.
Griff • Sep 4, 2002 7:34 am
I'd forgotten that one completely, great thread.
Nic Name • Sep 4, 2002 8:41 am
It's amazing how the Cellar reaches out and touches real people in real places like that. And it gets more usual as the membership and readership grows.

It is quite amazing that the other day when I post links in this thread to a couple of websites in Thailand about a teenager on yaa ba, and his teacher Sawatdee becomes the newest member and follows up right away in the very next post with a personal account.

Now, that's community!
Hubris Boy • Dec 14, 2002 4:45 am
Another plaque on the wall in the Cellar pantheon. I still haven't stopped laughing about this one.
elSicomoro • Dec 29, 2002 11:37 am
Another gem by HB
Griff • Mar 9, 2003 8:35 am
Dave breaks out the rubber hose.
wolf • Apr 2, 2003 11:20 pm
Do-dooo-doo-do-dah-doo-dooo-dooo .....
headsplice • Apr 3, 2003 5:20 pm
There was a topic a while back where HubrisBoy had a cloaking device that he broke, that should be in the list. I almost soiled myself reading that.
elSicomoro • Oct 16, 2003 7:34 pm
Originally posted by Radar (to Tobiasly) on 10/15/2003
Yes, you're right, I have extremely limited military experience and maybe I'm wrong about the paperwork having not seen any since 1989. Maybe you're right and I'm wrong about the military desertion.
Griff • Apr 19, 2004 8:29 pm
Good old fashioned smack-down from mrnoodle.
elSicomoro • Oct 16, 2004 2:40 pm
Nice work, flippant...this was great.
flippant • Oct 16, 2004 3:28 pm
Thanks Sycamore! (maybe I have finally made it to celebrity status as lookout may have been so wise as to project)
xoxoxoBruce • Oct 16, 2004 11:27 pm
celebrity = target :eyebrow:
lookout123 • Oct 17, 2004 5:44 pm
my personal favorite was this one by sycamore, about 2/3's of the way down the page.
elSicomoro • Oct 17, 2004 5:54 pm
Ah, yes...Radar...what a waste of humanity. I dedicated an entire thread to him last year.
elSicomoro • Oct 17, 2004 6:01 pm
Oh, and thank you, lookout. I try to do my part. :)
wolf • Dec 2, 2004 2:13 pm
My nominee for greatest hits ...

tw wrote:
Speaking of facts, I checked. Cucumbers are not on sale. Why would you lie?


Coffee on the monitor great, it was.
elSicomoro • Jun 16, 2005 7:50 pm
Nice one, Jag.
wolf • Jun 17, 2005 2:05 am
I am very much enjoying Lookout123's "Random Cellarite Facts."

They are funny, and cleverly tailored to the individual.

I am not just saying this because I am the Random Cellarite Fact o' the Day today.

I believe they deserve to be archived, because once a sig is changed it is gone forever.

"lookout123" wrote:
Random Cellarite Fact:

If you go into a dark room and repeat "Wolf" 3 times, she will appear with several Ewoks and proceed to make fun of you until you die, proving once and for all that words alone, not just sticks and stones, can kill you.
lookout123 • Jun 17, 2005 2:07 am
because i believe in full disclosure, i want to be perfectly clear that i am not making them all up from scratch(i'm not that consistantly creative). some of them have been altered from the VD site.

wolf, because you like that one, it will stay in place until Tuesday. that is when i will be back from Rocky Point, Mexico. I leave tomorrow morning for 4 days of sand, surf, margaritas, and general relaxation.
wolf • Jun 17, 2005 2:22 am
Awwwwwww.

Have fun on the trip.
breakingnews • Jun 17, 2005 7:35 am
I'm really glad you've continued using the VD site in ominous fashion, lookout.

I say that because my friends don't find it funny anymore. :( The fucking jerks. I should start plugging some of their names in, as well as *actual* information about their equally lame lives.
elSicomoro • Jun 17, 2005 8:43 am
Nice one, Brianna.
Trilby • Jun 17, 2005 8:47 am
:blush: Thanks. I'm honored. And a little choked up! :blush:
xoxoxoBruce • Jun 18, 2005 12:43 am
And a little choked up!
That's just the Crispy Cream.....swallow. ;)
Griff • Oct 1, 2005 8:30 pm
Big V puts a notch in his gunbelt.

When you reveal your sources like this, it makes it easier to refute your misstatements. Should I take it up with O'Reilly and Hannity about their mistakes? I will instead correct your misunderstanding, since you repeat their ignorance as your own. ouch