My friend with breast cancer
So, I figured I'd taken up enough of the what's making you miserable/unhappy/completely fucking mad right now thread.... but I'm not done talking about this, especially as she wants to keep it on the QT until she needs people to know and can only deal with it at little at a time, whereas I'm a head-on gung-ho type person. Like her husband. He's all "ok monday we get the final treatment plan, tuesday you start chemo". I'd be like like too, but she needs me to be "on her side". so that's where I am. (I'm great friends with her hubby too, no conflict there, but It's my job to be supportive of her decisions, unless i think they're totally insane). It's also my job to provide the comedic relief, apparently ;)
so it's confirmed. My best friend has breast cancer. The good news it it's the most common type with many potential treatments. the bad news is that it's fast, invasive and already in the lymph nodes. So it's chemo for sure. we think that makes it stage 3, but that will be confirmed Monday.
So today we went to pick up an information packet from the hospital, and get more stuff from the library there (more about that later)
her Gynie is a good friend and pretty highly placed at the hsopital, and also a breast cancer survivor, so she's been a great source of who to see what to expect, what to ask etc So today's advice was, when you go on Monday, they'll first make you watch a video with all the other newly diagnosed women. You don't want to do this. ask for a private screening or to borrow the tape. So she did, and that's what we did when we got there.
half an hour of a blonde doctor with a terrible squint, many survivors with 80s hair and eyeglasses and boobs without nipples. and one sudden shot of a removed tumor being disected. it was green and looked like a small brain. It's definitely not something you'd want to "share' with a group of random women because our reactions would probably not be the same as everyones -possibly offensive to some, and I think it was a stress reliever to feel free to be bitchy about the presentation and hairstyles/whatever, but she would not have been able to do that in a stranger group setting.
Not terribly comforting that in such a state of the art hospital, the video they show about breast cancer treatment was made in the 80s and played on VHS. They talked about the ports for chemo like they were a rare state-of-the-art treat that you might be lucky enough to get...
anyway, then we visted the library which had a wealth of resources, many free, and we were really quite impressed both by the empathy and knowledge of the librarian. Then she reverently presented my friend with a pale pink box decorated with the pink ribbon logo and the words "Memory Maker". inside was a "Cancer Awareness bracelet" it's a silver colored "charm" bracelet with bling-sized links, with three charms designed to hold 6 photos of people, two heart charms that say 'hope' and 'strength" and a pink ribbon charm. A little sticker tells us that this is intended for sale to raise money for the cause, but come one..... initial reactions....? (1) Congratulations! you now officialy have breast cancer! here's your membership badge! (2) You're gonna die, you'll need something like this to make it all the more poignant (3) Nobody cared enough to buy all of these, so we thought, hey, why not give them to the poor bitches who get it? I'm sure whoever started this meant well, but sometimes, jeeze....
I will post a picture. why do i have it? because, much as we tried to accidentally leave it behind, we failed (didn't really want to hurt the Librarian's feelings by refusing it). so now i'm charged with the task of altering it artistically in some way that will make my friend laugh... :rolleyes: :lol: We all know that's the best medicine, and then the bracelet will not have been manufactured for nothing
That's all for today.
You're a good friend Monnie.
Oh and let me be the first to add:
Fuck Cancer!
:( I want to be a good friend, i try, but she asked me not to talk about it and I am doing, albeit on the internet anonymouslyish :( I did tell her that I'd mentioned it here, though, , and she didn't seem overly pissed off, but still....I wish i was strong enough to say nothing at all (but i'm not, so i'm going to keep on going, I think I can help her best if i'm not bottling up....).
I say you add enough charms to make it say "Fuck Cancer!" That seems to be the dominant theme here.
Hugs to you. Stay strong.
It's good that she has someone to trust. I know you will do a great job of supporting her when she needs it and kicking her in the ass when she needs it.
You are not letting her down by talking here. You are not being anything less than her good friend by seeking emotional/psychic support for your part in this. None of us know her. She knows none of us. We come free. What she doesn't want, clearly, is for anybody she knows, or is connected to her finding out until she is ready to tell them. We don't count.
That bracelet is horrible! I think that's possibly the most morbid thing I've seen in a long time....well-meaning I know but still..:P
I think Pie's idea is stunning. Is there any way you could ....oh....what about using fimo to make the letters and hanging them instead of the charms? Then it would read FUCK CANCER and she could wear it proudly to the clinic.
I don't know what else to say. This must be really hard, Monnie. We're here when you need to vent. Safely and repercussion free. *hugs*
I've just decided to make her something ceramic tomorrow and use it to create texture
let me know what you think...
You are not letting her down by talking here. You are not being anything less than her good friend by seeking emotional/psychic support for your part in this. None of us know her. She knows none of us. We come free. What she doesn't want, clearly, is for anybody she knows, or is connected to her finding out until she is ready to tell them. We don't count.
That bracelet is horrible! I think that's possibly the most morbid thing I've seen in a long time....well-meaning I know but still..:P
I think Pie's idea is stunning. Is there any way you could ....oh....what about using fimo to make the letters and hanging them instead of the charms? Then it would read FUCK CANCER and she could wear it proudly to the clinic.
I don't know what else to say. This must be really hard, Monnie. We're here when you need to vent. Safely and repercussion free. *hugs*
What Dana said. Oh, and by the way, FUCK CANCER!
:lol: you guys rock. I think I'm ready to be ready now, thanks
had some horrible nighmares last night, though
Fuck Cancer.
Waaaay too many personal ties here - All I can say is thank you for being a supportive friend. It means a helluva lot.
And you go with your bad self Bri!!!
Oh, and theat Memory bracelet is seriously creepy. Yours is a beaut Moni.
Did I mention Fuck Cancer?
it's chemo with definite hair loss followed by a single and possibly double mastectomy. And before all that, another major biopsy and a battery of stinking awful tests. Poor thing. I feel so bad for her. and me. And all of us.
F F F F F
My mom's BF is having mastectomy tomorrow, followed by chemo and radation thereafter.
F.C.
Just dropping in to say FUCK cancer!
Been there. Done it. I have a very close friend in hospice care now. He will be dead by next week. In Jan we were sitting in a bar watching the races. My sister died of breast cancer when she was in her early 30's. My MIL died last year. Still no cure.
Hang in there. Sending you good thoughts for your friend and her family.
You know what it is about cancer?
it can just go FUCK ITSELF.
My mother has had two masectomies and three melanomas.
My Mom is still here. The cancer ain't.
Anything stupid enough to mess with Mother Beestie deserves every last ounce of unholy asswhoopin she gave it. You hear that yelping sound fading in the distance? That's cancer.
CANCER -- fucked
Bone marrow -- failed
Kidneys -- failed
Liver -- failed
Lungs -- failed
Heart -- failed
T'was the rest of the list that killed my dad.
so the chemo starts tomorrow, followed by the zillion anti-nausea drugs. She's come a long way since the diagnosis. she's stronger and more ready than she knows to fight this demon. We just spent a couple of hours having coffee, shooting the shit, coming up with creative ways to have fun with cancer.... apparently cancer is like porn to medical professionals -they can't help themselves they all want a feel. She went to her Family Doctor about something else -after she's been through all of the screenings in prep for the chemo- and he's all "well while you're here I'll just listen to your heart and lungs to check everything is still fine" .....well okaaaaaay if you really feel it's necessary ..."oh and now that I'm in your chest area, I might as well have a feel of the lump...... WTF for? weirdo. time for a new doc....
it's a horrible waiting game -not just for the chemo appt tomorrow, but this is a fast course and it still takes 4 months... and then there's the whole surgery beast....
It's not even my cancer, my drama, but I feel the need to share, so thanks for being there, guys.
We're looking into "no, you cannot feel my tumor" shirts as and alternative to the "fuck cancer" ones. :lol:
I like that idea, Monnie! NO you CANNOT feel my tumor, asshole!
cute!
what kind of chemo is she going to get? do you know the name?
No, sorry. I'll find out if I can. Probably the most common run-of-the-mill one as she has the most common-run-of-the-mill cancer -the most "cureable" type.
When she first told me and she was all "I'm not ready to die" I wasn't really sure what to say, I'm not the lovey-dovey-huggy-cry type, so I said (-because I'm the "comic relief" here) well what makes you think you're so special that you have to be in the small percentage that die. Statistically, you'll have chemo, lose your hair, lose a boob or a bit of one and then be back to pretty much normal in a few years". At the time i thought oops, maybe too direct too soon, but today she told me that's really been helping her get a perspective on it, so I have definitely learned that the best way to help your friends deal with this sort of shit is not to change, even if you might seems to have the wrong type of personality for it. If she couldn't handle it, she wouldn't have told me. There are a few extremely sincere, busybody types that she hasn't told because she doen't feel able to handle their reactions. i'm rambling. sorry.
."oh and now that I'm in your chest area, I might as well have a feel of the lump...... WTF for? weirdo. time for a new doc....
Maybe, but maybe he just doesn't get enough experience in these things. When I last got my prostate checked and pronounced normal, I was tempted to ask the doc how may abnormals she has felt.
yeah, she suspects that was it, but why couldn't he just have said "hey, would you mind if I examine your lump to help me know what it feels like". All that "routine exam oh and while I'm here i should just check it...." BS. people with cancer don't need that BS. None of us do.
(This was not the doctor who initially referred her for tests -that was her OBGYN)
she also said that it was a medically-driven desire to grop -she could tell her midwife also was desperate for a feel when she was discussing "lumps in other people"
I would soooo want you there if I had cancer Mon. As many times as I've been in your position, I finally realized that THAT is exactly why she wants you around, and why you're such a special friend. I tend to use humor to deal with discomfort as well - was told by more than one firend/family member with cancer that it was such a relief after ALL of the "OMG! Are you okay? You can cry on my shoulder, here's a tissue" types.
Thanks. And thank goodness it's OK because I just can't do the gushy thing. I took her for her day after shot today. It hurt. She's very tired and wobbly, but the drugs are keeping the nausea at bay. Neither of us wear make-up much but she asked me to take her to a hair/make-up for chemo people thing next week. I'm going, of course, but I half suspect she's doing it just to see exactly what awful things I'll do when she plays the C card :lol:. (No, really she wants me to keep the gushing sharers at bay and stop them making her look like Barbie on Crack when she's too weak to say Stop! I think she's going because the workshop is there and sometimes you can't predict what help you're going to need to feel good.:D
Monster - keep up the good work. I'm not a make-up person either, but it can be fun to experiment (even under these awful circumstances). I know you'll help your friend to have fun with the possibilities.
Hugs to you!
Monsta = a good friend to have.
perhaps start the search for cool scarves or hats - a friend of mine did the whole scarf thing, and they looked great on her, but were hard to find. don' tknow if she'd want a wig - might want to start looking for that too, cuz they're doubly hard to find.
Ooh! She could join you and Cherry in the crazy color crowd! How fun!
She already has hats and is knitting caps. no scarves and definitely no Cranial Prosthetics (srsly, it's the pc way to say w-i-g, i saw it on a cancer website). I suggested she should knit a hat that looks like a huge boob....
nice.....I always said if it happened to me I'd wear a red bandana and an eye patch........
ooh, i must suggest that. In fact maybe I will get her those very items. And a gold earring. She already poo-pooed my idea of loaning her the kids' dress-up hat collection. Court Jester one day, British bobby the next....
I got great, awesome scarves from TLC. They were the big kind that you could tie like a gypsy. Beautiful, hand-printed designs, too. TLC is a catalogue for ca pts. bet her dr's office has it.
Look Good Feel Better - is a place where they show you how to not look so...cancer-y. I was so sick, though, i didn't really much care how I looked...but after loosing eyebrows AND lashes, you do tend to look like a melon. Featureless. it's depressing. at least it was for me.
Best to her, god love her.
Thanks for the advice, Bri. She's getting ACT, by the way.
Adriamycin and Cytoxan and Taxol?
I had Taxol (or Taxotere) first then the AC. It was a reverse order. They usually do AC first and THEN the Taxol.
Yes, the big C is good for lots of acronyms.
Oh, and btw, Fuck Cancer.
the AC didn't bother me too much - was not nauseated more than on T.
it was the Taxotere that caused me problems. Bone pain, horrible, horrible bone pain. and even water tasted nasty.
She already has hats and is knitting caps. no scarves and definitely no Cranial Prosthetics (srsly, it's the pc way to say w-i-g, i saw it on a cancer website). I suggested she should knit a hat that looks like a huge boob....
Monster, if your friend is a member of Ravelry (knitting online community) there are patterns there that could be adapted to boob hats. If not, I'm happy to adapt something for her, if you let me know what level of [knitting] skills she has.
All the best to you and her!
Thanks, limey, she's not, but I don't think she plans to follow that suggestion either :lol:
She repoting that she can't taste anything anymore :( Not a whole shitload I can do about that. I hope it's not permanaent for her, i understand it can be hit and miss.
lemon candies helped me -- the kind you suck on. Anything citrus-y would help.
Love to her.
Thanks, limey, she's not, but I don't think she plans to follow that suggestion either :lol:
She repoting that she can't taste anything anymore :( Not a whole shitload I can do about that. I hope it's not permanaent for her, i understand it can be hit and miss.
If she's a knitter then the gift of some really luscious yarn (high silk or alpaca content, for example, a couple of skeins) would be appreciated by her, I'm sure, to knit a little something for herself ...
Monster, if your friend wants any help with eyelash regrowth after chemo, a product called Latisse works WONDERS. I highly recommend it IF she is having trouble growing her lashes back to pre-chemo length, thickness and darkness. Mine came in sparse and very, very light-colored and my eyebrows haven't recovered. My head hair is back to it's old self, though is still short but, now that it's a bit longer, it's wavy, not curly anymore *thanks gods*
Excellent tip, thanks Brianna, I'll pass it on.
How's your friend doing Monnie?
She's having the second chemo right now as I type. It's been rough, but this morning she was almost back to her old self. This time next week she'll be bald as a coot. prolly. poor thing, although the current weather is the best weather you could have for it if you have to go bald. Although the sunburn danger is a killer.
She got her hair cut progressively shorter in preparation, and she was saying she's getting lots of comments like "what did you do to your hair?".... People can be so goddamn rude!
People can be thoughtless sometimes.
Yebbut that's just rude. Making unpleasant personal comments.
Yes. It is rude. Certainly, I think it is rude and I am pretty sure it's not something I'd say, even at my most thoughtless, or drunk. Then again, some people have a bluntness about them, like they operate within a different set of boundaries. I have a friend like that. Lovely lass, but she can floor someone with a sentence and not have the slightest awareness she's done it; and is about as sensitive and empathetic as a house brick.
I got stared at all the time. If someone was too obvious I'd say, "Training. Olympics." which shut them right up.
When I decided to ditch my wig I got all KINDS of looks ( I was at Uni then ) the kids all said they thought the wig was my real hair. Meh, I still have the wig and can have long hair again in an instant. :)
The hair thing, though, monnie, was VERY traumatic for me. I was bereft. SOBBING.
Does your friend know she'll go thru menopause, too? (It's an added bonus)
[QUOTE=Brianna;576862]I got stared at all the time. If someone was too obvious I'd say, "Training. Olympics." which shut them right up. [QUOTE]
I love it Bri!!!
I had a co-worker like that Monnie - I finally broke down and asked him what gave him the right to be so rude and judgemental - he blamed it on mild Turretts. From then on I just told him when he was being rude and he apologized. Worked out well.
And Fuck Cancer.
yes, she knows, thanks Bri -she's happy about that aspect.
....aaaaaand she's bald. I had no idea it would be so quick, no wonder it's so traumatic. Saturday, a full head of hair -if a little thinner than before- ...nothing by Monday night.
:(
She hanging in there Monnie?
yup, thanks. Little manic today due to the anti-nausea steroids.
How's your pal, monnie? I've been thinking of her.
she got her last AC today. she's doing OK. hard for her this week though because it's swim and dive championships and her kids are stars. today she and her husband both missed her son take second in dive, and her kids (son and older daughter) managed great with their chauffeur (daughter's slightly older friend), but were clearly missing a parental presence at such an important meet. Tomorrow her daughter dives, and its unlikely she can watch because it's her most sun-sensitive day and she has to go get the day-after shot.
So it sucks, but in respectively minor ways
YAY! the lump is halved in size. Plus she was able to watch the first half of daughter's dive meet before we had to go for her "day-after" shot because the sun was not shining
YAY! the lump is halved in size. Plus she was able to watch the first half of daughter's dive meet before we had to go for her "day-after" shot because the sun was not shining
many much love. To you and hers.
Long overdue an update, I guess.
Her penultimate chemo is tomorrow (she's in the middle of the Taxon half of her ACT cycle).
Now she's losing her eyelashes and eyebrows, but generally seems much more accepting of what needs to be done. I think ideally, the doctors would have preferred surgery first, chemo after given the advanced stage of the cancer, but despite saying that "if is ever happened to her she's go for the double mastectomy and be done...", once faced with that sudden reality, she wasn't ready for it. But now she is.
The tumor has shrunk and broken down to the point where they can't measure it any more because it's too jelly-like. the lymph nodes feel normal. The surgery is scheduled.
But I have to share... I truly believe she's been saved by the Flying Spaghetti Monster! It truly is a noodly miracle. (that and bacon -she likes the wtf bacon-type images and i am desperately trying to find a fleecy "press button receieve bacon" skull cap -her hat of choice).
...but anyway, now she's stuck at home feeling crappy, I have slowly been bringing her into the world of teh interwebs. she mentioned that a mutual friend mentioned some fantastic spider creature with arms reaching everywhere re the atheist argument, and I was able to enlighten her.....now she sends me links to new pastafarian products she has found
today:
Have you seen Flying Spaghetti Monster candy? The product description is: Eat the body of the FSM! Hallelujah! Sweet and chewy pasta strands, and His all-seeing eyes. Partake of Him with friends. I got a belly laugh out of that one!
rAmen
So i just translated a classic poem for her, i call this the Desidepasta
[CENTER]Go noodley amid the tomato paste,
and remember what peas there may be in the sauce.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all waiters.
Speak your order quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even the specials of the day;
they too have their pasta.
Avoid rice and pizza dishes;
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with noodles,
you may become quite insane;
for always there will be noodlier
and pasta persons than yourself.
Enjoy your antipasta as well as your pasta.
Keep interested in your own meatballs, however humble;
it is a real parmesan in the changing restaurants of town.
Exercise regularly in your busy affairs;
for the pasta is full of carbohydrates.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many swimmers strive for high carbs;
and everywhere life is full of noodles.
Fill yourself. Especially, do not forgo antipasta.
Neither be cynical about mac’n’cheese for in the
face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the waiters,
gracefully surrendering your plate when you’re done.
Nurture a glass of spirits to shield from undercooked pasta. But do not distress yourself
with imagining fingers in the sauce. Many fears are born of greed
and lawsuits. Beyond a wholewheat penne,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the wheatproduct,
no less than the tomatoes and the meatballs;
you have a right to eat here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the pasta is cooking as it should.
Therefore be at peace with Flying Spaghetti Monster,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your lasagna and antipasta,
in the noisy restaurant of life,
keep peas with your sole.
With all its rice, pizza,
and French toast,
it is still a beautiful world.
Strive to be pasta.[/CENTER]
And at the risk of being all mushy, I have to thank you guys for being there with all the weird crap that happens on teh interwebs and irl that i use to amuse and be the comic relief so desperately needed in the fight against this crappy pissy disease.
I will be introducing lolcats with the eventual aim of pointing her towards the ceiling cat bible. for those unfamiliar, here is
teh ceiling cat prayer
I'm thinking ceiling cat maybe watching her recuperate.... (thanks to bruce's link to the 3d cut out -our kids noticed ours on the ceiling today btw -I told them ceiling cat is watching them misbehave....)
Monster - that's great and deserves to go the innernets rounds immediately and pass into folklore!
(and hugs to you and your friend too, noodly ones!)
Without wanting to piggyback, Mons.
About a week ago, Mum had a scan.
It had calcium deposits.
It could be benign, pre-cancerous or cancerous.
Mum's friend (evil D who told her I wasn't depressed) had the same results and ended up with a mascetomy. Today, Mum's come back with the world's worst bruises and guilt that she didn't tell me - I overheard and then had it confirmed from Dads.
I honestly believe it's just a false alarm. Even if the worst came to the worst came to the worst it's about calcium deposits, not cancerous tissue. But I am also cogniscant that Mum has now had two painful tests, which she was trying to hide from me (becaue she didn't want to tell all of us) and she is fretting.
Not much I can say to make things sound better.
Mum is scared, I'm trying to help (and I'm crappy at that) and we're in the early days.
All I can say right here and right now is what everyone will say when the spectre of cancer drifts over. It's a slim chance that it will affect her, but it reminds me how very much I love her.
Same to all who are suffering.
Mum has Ductal Carcinoma In Situ.
As cancerous cells go they are pretty much the best to have.
She will have the cells reoved during day surgery (although she has to go in the day before to have guide wires fitted).
If all goes as plan, she should have a small amount of tissue removed and need no further treatment. This was picked up via mandatory breast screening and they have couaght it the earliest possible stage. The consultant says it is not breast cancer - although women who have had this can go on to develop breast cancer, or to need a masectomy.
She's being very calm and practical (of course) and has already given me instructions re not mentioning it to Breda (her friend with terminal cancer). Perhaps she thinks it will make Breda feel worse? I'm not sure how, but if that's what she wants, that's what I'll do.
She goes in Weds & Thurs next week.
Thank goodness we've got our day out in London in between - something to pierce the gloom. I'm cancelling my trip to see my Godfather on the Thursday - I doubt I'll go to the hospital - that's Dad's place, but I can be here to do anything else that needs doing.
Thank God they picked it up when they did hon.
(actually that should probably be thank the NHS)
:P
I realise she's probably going to be absolutely fine; but I also know that won't necessarily stop you worrying. If at any point you want to phone for a chat you know my number *hugs*
She's being very calm and practical (of course) and has already given me instructions re not mentioning it to Breda (her friend with terminal cancer). Perhaps she thinks it will make Breda feel worse? I'm not sure how, but if that's what she wants, that's what I'll do.
I can understand it. Your mom is almost certainly going to get better in a very short amount of time. Her friend is not. In an ideal world we'd all be totally removed from our own baggage when providing support to friends, but the truth is it's hard to see someone easily overcome something which we are struggling much harder with, no matter what it is.
It's amazing the number of people who tell my friend about their minor brush with breast cancer and finish off by saying "of course that's nothing compared to what you're going through". I'm pretty sure they mean well but it i can telll it makes her feel like crap to hear how everyone's got it so much easier. (And the one's that don't tell her that tell her about their friends who dies from it. Gee thanks, folks.)
However, her doctors tell her that she's coping much better with the chemo than most others, and that makes her feel good and more prepared for the surgery.
Her surgery is scheduled for the 6th.
apparently cancer is like porn to medical professionals -they can't help themselves they all want a feel. She went to her Family Doctor about something else -after she's been through all of the screenings in prep for the chemo- and he's all "well while you're here I'll just listen to your heart and lungs to check everything is still fine" .....well okaaaaaay if you really feel it's necessary ..."oh and now that I'm in your chest area, I might as well have a feel of the lump...
My Sister in Law went to the hospital in Savannah this morning at 730 AM for a double mastectomy. I got the voice mail from my Mom early this AM. I didn't know anything about it. My Bro and his family are very private and secretive when it comes to things like this.
Don't call them. I'm emotional yoyoing on it now. Last chemo is tomorrow, her hubby is telling people he thinks she should have told and they're calling her and being emotional and she really doesn't need that right now. Hubby means well but just doesn't get it.
My mom is keeping me posted. I'm waiting to hear if it has gotten into here lymph nodes.
they should know that before the surgery! :eek: Good call to keep updated indirectly
Surgery went well. No massive negatives on the lymph nodes. Prognosis: better than average.
We'll see.
(average prognosis is pretty good compared to other types of cancer)
Mum in pain (guide wires inserted this afternoon for surgery tomorrow) but didn't ask what painkillers she could take. Sigh. "I can put up with a bit of pain," she says. I felt like telling her there were no prizes, but it sounded too cruel even in my head.
Mum having sushi for the first time:
Mum's just called Dad.
She's out of the operation (obviously!) and come round from the anaesthetic.
But Dads says she's still sounding very groggy, and told him not to come until he hears from the hospital, even though it's a 45 minute drive.
There is a possibility she will be kept in overnight.
Part of me hopes she will - she's going to have a rotten night anyway, better she's in hospital surroundings, so that she appreciates home better tomorrow. If her most difficult night is spent there, there will be more of a sense of of happiness/ release/ comfort when she comes back. And more importantly she'll be in the best place for her medically, even though I understand this is counted as a routine operation.
Dad has put his pie in the oven. That means he's not expecting to go anywhere for an hour at least. He loves Mum completely, but you don't come between a British man and his pie.
He called her "darling" on the phone. It choked me up. I know they love eachother, but I don't often hear those little endearments. When I heard him say, "Don't worry, just call me when you're ready, darling" I wobbled a bit.
She's coming home.
Dads has left for High Wycombe.
I expect she'll be home by 22.00 at the latest, depends on traffic.
Gentle hugs to Sundae mom.
Thanks QotR. She's back home now.
With no wooziness I can determine!
Have texted my sibs, and kept the boobie-oriented-Diz-cat away from her fun-bags.
Doc says the pain might kick in in a couple days time, and not to worry.
I'm more concerned that she has been given codeine as a painkiller. Luckily, thanks to my guinea pig qualities, she knows if she vomits up everything indcluding water every 20 minutes, then codeine sensitivity is hereditary. Something I wish I'd found out four days sooner...
I might even get some good bruise pics in a few days time. I'm gonna do as much cooking, ironing and hoovering as I can in the mean time. There's only one of those I hate after all.
You're a good daughter, SG. I'm sure your mom will be happy to have you taking care of her, even if she's grumpy from the pain. :)
She deals with pain very well. Whatever gripes I occasionally have with Mum, I will always admit she is a very strong and rational woman.
While I was ironing this morning (I asked her if she wanted to take a picture and made her laugh) she told me that she broke down last night when she took the dressing off. It was the first time she's seen how much had been removed. And also, without her bra, ahe could see the difference in how her breasts sat - the one that's had the surgery now sits much higher, but the cup is obviously less full.
I listened and tried to understand, which is all I can do really.
She's pragmatic and will deal with it, but it was sad to hear.
I still haven't talked to my SIL. We have never been very close and I really wouldn't know what to say. My brother has always been so obscure I'm afraid anything I say to him would be prying.
Throughout the whole process of the illness and death of my wife, he and I never talked about it. That's just always been the way it was between the men in my family. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not.
So, My friend, who we will call "Mary", had her "tumor board" yesterday. Sounds nasty -it is. They discussed her like a vaguely interesting lump of meat, apparently. So I wanted to cheer her up. Over recent weeks I've been educating her about lolcats and internet memes and the like. The cancer nurses laughed so much at the cancercats, she went ahead and posted both on her site. So when she checks her site tomorrow, she's going to find this:
of course it should have said Brianna rather than Christina Applegate, but i guessed even Radar might get this....
How is it possible that healthy people can get cancer? Despite healthy people eating the right and healthy foods with good exercise, how is it possible that these people who take good care of themselves get cancer?
You're about to sell us some amazing, but expensive and foul tasting, healthful beverage to keep us all from getting cancer, aren't you?
Just in case you're not ... if some scientist could figure that one out, he would be rich beyond the dreams of avarice.
Brilliant, mon. Keep her laughing! :)
You're about to sell us some amazing, but expensive and foul tasting, healthful beverage to keep us all from getting cancer, aren't you?
Trouble is, there's no money in the cure...only money enough for that one scientist. :(
that must've been a fast acting kidney cancer -two posts a year ago then nothin'....
:cry:
surgery tomorrow can't do anything. iotd not help......
:cry:
surgery tomorrow can't do anything. iotd not help......
Hugs, Monster. Hugs
Can you be there when she gets out of surgery, monster?
I could but it is not required. Her hubby and too many family will be there and she doesn't want a crowd of gawkers but can't/doesn't want to tell them to go away because they're only there because they care. It's an outpatient surgery, for petes sake. i have visions of them all trooping back to her house funeral procession style once she's given the Ok :lol: I'm doing the phone notification.
[COLOR="RoyalBlue"].....Funreal for a boobie. could use a rollerskate as a hearse..... she's donating it to research, actually.[/COLOR]
Hope everything works out for the best.
Like it or not - I'll pray for her.
Thanks. Suregery due to start RTFminute. I'm sure it's all fine.
You rock Monnie!!! Just got a call from my doc I have several large fibroids - no wonder I feel fat! If they turn out to be cancerous, will you be my friend?
She's in recovery. Sure I'll be your friend, Q :)
She's looking great. She says she has a huge dent in her chest which is a bit of a surprise, and she said she woke from the anaesthetic screaming when they injected blue dye.
I found this:
http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/news/articles/2009/10/06/20091006cancercream1006.html
published today, too late for her, but they could have warned her. She checked with the nurse who confirmed that she wasn't imagining waking screaming. :mad:
the patholgy results came back and they're not awesome -cancer in 7 lymph nodes -after chemo- but we'll have to wait until she's discussed it with her oncologist to see what this really means (all the nodes were removed)
She's in my thoughts, mon. :)
thanka. she loved the Gerbera with googly eyes -I forgot to take a picture, though -I loved it too. :lol:
Thanks for the updates Monster. Keep'em coming - sending good vibes via you to your friend!
:hug: :hug: one for you, one for your friend
I mentioned one of Mum's close friends here before. Breda has cancer caught to late to make any real difference.
She was admitted to a hospice last week, and to a hospital for medical care (breathing difficulties) over the weekend. It's not an infection as they suspected, it is the cancer. Which means it's pretty much end game. This is what? 3 months? 4 months tops from diagnosis.
I'll write a eulogy when it does happen, and am going with Mum to visit her tomorrow. But it's really smacked Mum round the head. And both her children are younger then me (her boy was 30 this summer) and their Dad died about 10 years ago.
Fuck cancer.
I was due over for coffee/whatever and chat around 1pm today. she called to say she needed to nap, could I make it more like 2? I said sure, I was running late anyway (not unusual, source of much amusement....) So around 2:05 I'm in the garage reaching up to get my bike down to go over there and the phone rings. I'm thinking maybe it's her husband to say she's still asleep hold off, so I go back in to answer and it's her saying "Can you take me to the ER?" :eek: Change of plan, grab book, can of coke,head for car. There in 5, she's on the phone to the hospital. After a few call backs she gets an immediate appt in the cancer center. So we set off.
Apparently, she was feeling crappy towards 1, so took a Vicodin and went for a nap. she didn't get much because of some door-to-door asshole who could see her on the couch and wouldn't go away... and when she finally stood up, her arm on her surgery side had major lymphodema, extreme pain and tingling numbness.
So off we went to get it checked out. they are concerned there may be skin infection so she got antibiotics, more pain meds and an appt with the physio to help teach her to massage the arm. All very scary and I think mostly she just needed reassuring from the medical establishment that her arm wasn't going to drop off.
I was able to remind her to ask about what was really bothering her -the sudden onset- as well as the cause of the symptoms themselves, so that made me feel useful, but it pained me how embarrassed she is by the appearance of her wound. She describes it in detail, but then is concerned that i might have seen it accidentally and been horrified while I was helping her untangle the drain tubes from her bandages, and i just feel totally helpless on this one...
She doesn't (currently) want to go through reconstruction or wear a fake boob but she feels that it's "rude" if she doesn't because it will make people uncomfortable. Fuck other people I say, and so does she in a less vulnerable state, but this idea is re-enforced by the hospital -ffs -who give them a falsie to wear home from the (outpatient) surgery. I'm sure it's intended to make women who can't cope with the idea of having a missing boob feel better, but they might at least ask rather than just presenting it like there's an expectation to appear complete at all times....
Screw the conformists! She should be -as comfortable as possible-. Good for you for being there when she needed you!
There have been some interesting studies about lymphodema and exercise recently. Certainly not immediately pertinent to her situation, but may become more so if this condition persists... I can look around for the papers, if you'd like.
Some folks who aren't going for reconstruction opt to get tattoos. It's an interesting option.
I've been forwarding the bacon tattoo pix.... ;)
Monster - anyone who has you for a pal is lucky indeed!
thanks. she's not so good this morning -we had planned to atempt our first post-op walk, but her husband emailed it's a no-go. they always said the second week would be the worst.
:apinkr:I thought about your friend on Saturday. I had gone into my second job to get some work done, and realized they had the 5th annual 5k for breast cancer so I went out to watch the race start.
It's always an emotional thing for me...though it's fun I get a bit melancholy for a second as I listen to the people who speak before the race, my mom being a breast cancer survivor.
A woman who is currently battling breast cancer spoke, and said that her license plate says "Thriver." Good for her.
I hope your friend feels better soon, monster. :apinkr:
Hang in there Monnie - It's a marathon not a sprint. This is but a tiny bump in the road to recovery.
Healing thoughts and prayers to her and her family.
thanks guys, I needed that :)
I got a lovely note from her in the mail today (despite seeing her almost every day). Bitch is trying to make me cry, I reckon, because I refuse to be all maudlin in her presense. :lol:
She's a little better, but i think there's a horrible reality that it's not just "lop the boob off and it will all be OK" settling in. But I want it all to be OK. :( She doesn't deserve this crap. (who does) She's the nicest person I've ever met -she enjoys my bitchiness ...but tells me off for it if I'm being even the tiniest bit posibly unfair :lol:
Mum's friend is back in the hospice. After much negotiation.
Don't know if I said in this thread; originally she was considered too close to death for hospital, but too likely to cling on by the hospice. Which makes the hospice sound like bad news (and in truth, it's there for people to die in) but the environment is so much nicer, that friends & family preferred her to be there.
So she is there. In her own room. On oxygen. And like all hospice patients, she won't recover. And like all hospices (UK I mean) they are a registered charity.
I am proud of the NHS. I am proud people are looked after in this country. But I have supported hospices every time I have been able (meh, you know me - when I've not been able too) because people die there. And hopitals try not to let that happen. And hospices let friends/ family in all day and all night. And respect gay partnerships.
Breda may have some time left yet. I hope she does. I love her through Mum. But I have a black suit ready. Sorry.
Mum's friend is back in the hospice. After much negotiation.
...
Breda may have some time left yet. I hope she does. I love her through Mum. But I have a black suit ready. Sorry.
Oh SG! Hugs to you, and your mum, and Breda at this difficult time.
Breda died last night.
She went quietly and peacefully with only her son and daughter present. As opposed to the 12 people round rgw bed that Mum was annoyed about when she visited last time. Then again, Mum - much as I love her - has very set rules about the etiquette of dying. I'm sure it was a great comfort to her daughter to have people able to say goodbye.
Peace to her, and to those she leaves behind.
Peace and prayers to her and her family.
cancer. a sucky-suck of a suck disease. Just fuck cancer!
One of Mum's friends and ex-cow orker was diagnosed with the same type of cancer as Mum just before Christmas (ductal carcinoma in situ - DCIS). It didn't go as well for her as it did for Mum though.
First the lumpectomy, now the double mastectomy.
She's going under the knife this week and Mum wanted something funny to put on the fresh flowers card she is sending her (see below).
Apparently Fuck Cancer wasn't appropriate. We settled on "Try to think of it as a weight off your chest."
Thoughts and wishes to Madge.
Not sure if this helps ortho, but BUMP.
Walking with this friend tomorrow. She's still going strong.....
Not sure if this helps ortho, but BUMP.
Walking with this friend tomorrow. She's still going strong.....
Hey, mon. Yes, it does. After they told me I had a positive sentinel node on quick section at surgery, I spent the next couple of days in a funk. I couldn't stop thinking about distant mets and Stage 4. It's good to hear that your friend is doing well and going strong three years later. That's where I want to be in three years, too.
I'm five years out! (I think...I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it' was Aug. 2007 when I got the news) and I'm FINE with killer hair and everything ;) You WILL get thru this. You might feel like crap, but this too shall pass.
XOXOXOX :flower:
My friend just threw her husband out (long overdue, was almost ready to do it when cancer struck) and has now decided she's strong enough to go back and finish her training as a counsellor/psychologist type person. Go M!
Madge is alive and well and coming to a Girls' Night In at the beginning of October. I won't get drunk and sing at this one (as I did at the one Janice hosted) as it's a school night. I will however cook and serve.
What you're going through is no fun, Ortho. But it's not the death sentence it once was.
No, survival is much better these days. Only 10% of women with little Stage 1 tumors die within five years. But a recurrence, or positive nodes, will take you off that little chart and put you on a different, darker one. However - it's definitely more of a chronic disease now if caught early. I'm going to try to walk in Tril's shoes and be hale and happy 5 years out. :)
I wouldn't do that if I were you -her feet are minging :p
No my friend is talking about reconstruction surgery. I don't think she'll do it, but those newly single chicks are always surprising me. My 70s friend (mentioned elsewhere on here) suddenly split from her husband this year, met a guy took up biking, lost 20 pounds and started wearing expensive designer accessories.
Is it really five years Bri?
I was about to say it doesn't feel that long since you started dealing with all that, but actually, thinking about it, yes it does. Time's weird :p
FUCKING FUCKING HELL.
I've been simmering on this for a few hours since I learned of it, don't know what to do, so decided to write about it here.
No, not this friend, but another one. We met at our kids' preschool and bonded instantly -she had older kids and had been president, meanwhile I had kids and became president, then she had a "surprise" and came back and took over president so i could sort out the treasury... we weren't really that much together at the school but something "clicked" We went to her annual fall bonfire/pumpkin carving/hayride/whatever for years. I guess now I type it, one of our "bonding things" was my kids went to the Open school and her best friend was the Librarian there and she was all "oh you'll love Kit" and I was "Oh yes i do".......
Then dry summers put a damper on that (open fire restrictions) and our kids moved on and went their separate ways (completely different sides of the city). But occasianally we bumped in to each other and had a chat/catch-up -we both have hockey player and swimmers/divers.
Then Kit (who I just added to the first para) becomes principal. First thing she does is hire our mutual friend as lunchtime supervisor boss lady. Awesome. (12 months ago) We're both always busy when we meet but we catch up slowly. Then one day she comes in and says "Does Hebe go to Skyline and take Latin?" and I say yes -her son 3 grades above Hebe and they only ever vaguely met at the fall bonfires ?8 years ago recognised her name and heterochromia (eyes different colors like Bowie)
So funny, cool beans -she's happy because her son has difficulty remembering and recognising people but remembers Hebe from way back when,a few parties, and I'm happy because she's great with Thor, who is a little challenging, but she loves him -she's known him since he was a little squit and recalls fondly the motion-activated animatronic trick-or-treater she used to have on her porch at her fall parties -Thor was obsessesd with it and would stand in front of it and keep it going for hours.
I learned today she has breast cancer (advancd?) and isn't in school. We never updated non-face-to-face contact info because we see each other so often and she was always crap online anyway. I want to contact her, but can't decide how to, and the person who let slip about her breast cancer was a school admin and immediately realised she probably shouldn't have.
...monster leaves post unposted, wanders off for a bit and comes back.......
Oh wait, thank you cellar, i realised after writing this all out what to do. I'mm'a email Kit and say look, i know, maybe i shouldn't but please tell her i love her am thinking of here nad are here for her.
thanks. no need to respond.
FFFUUUUUUCCKK Cancer !!!!!
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo cancer.
Sorry, monster.
No, survival is much better these days. Only 10% of women with little Stage 1 tumors die within five years. But a recurrence, or positive nodes, will take you off that little chart and put you on a different, darker one. However - it's definitely more of a chronic disease now if caught early. I'm going to try to walk in Tril's shoes and be hale and happy 5 years out. :)
A somewhat crazy ex-gf contacted me out of the blue and has been emailing me too much lately but whatever. When I met her 16 years ago she was 5 years in the clear of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. She contacted me, I guess because it was her 20th clear year.
Just thought I'd share that bit of light. not scary crazy, just annoying crazy and now with the whole namaste thing...
Coincidentally, my original friend in this thread pass this woman's house every day on our walks. They don't know each other, though.
Kit emailed back and said she's seeing her this weekend and will pass on my love. I'll catch up with Kit next week.
:cry:
I just posted her a <3 on facebook. She doesn't post, so I had forgotten she was on there but I remembered a few minutes ago because I'm sat here being maudlin and thinking about her and reading
Mike Baker's Cancer Blog. I saw a few messages of support from her friends on her wall but now I fear the worst. On Sep 12, there are a few messages that suggest that was her surgery date. Also that very few people knew.
and she said
I am on the path to recovery.Not sure yet what will come next. Waiting on pathology report. I appreciate all prayers! Send my regards to all.
So now I'm thinking the path results must've been this week and they're not good :( I so hope I'm wrong and my powers of deduction suck.
I saw her today! She came into school. Mastectomy on the 10th but signs are good it hasn't metastasized
Right. She seemed fairly upbeat. Apparently she already had a lumpectomy and thought she was done, but post-op lab results showed it was still strongly present and they were fearing cancer everywhere.
So it brings it all back because it's October -same at my first friend- and it's breast cancer awareness month. I remember my friend getting all sorts of flowers and things wrapped with pink ribbons "saying "Breast Cancer Awareness" Now I know I'm over-sensitive, but if someone is undergoing a mastectomy, I think they're pretty goddamn aware of it by that point. I mentioned it to a friend tonight and she said funny our mutual friend (who had a mastectomy before i knew her -I met her around about the end of her chemo I think) also had her surgery in October.
It must be coincidence, but......
you'd think if there was going to be a spike, it'd be a few months after breast cancer awareness month, no?
This post is for the dunces like me that don't have a social clue....
Huffington Post
Hollye Harrington Jacobs
10/11/12
What to Say (Or Not to Say) to Someone With Breast Cancer
Because I'm seeing so much pink this month, I find myself
thinking about all things related to FBC (f-bomb breast cancer),
both from a personal and a global perspective.
It's amazing how a few (million) pink ribbons reactivate the memory of experiences (and f-bombs!).
One of the things that comes to mind is:
What to say or (WTF) not to say to someone with FBC.
Here's the thing: It's hard to be a friend to someone who has FBC.
It just is. I know. I really do. I can't tell you the number of times people have asked me:
What can I do? How should I be? What should I say?
[In the link, a slide show of suggestions follows... ]
Bonnie is through the surgery :) People who can't cook are buying pizza and food delivery gift cards because she has 4 teenagers.
That's great! Sending warm wishes that way...
It's the Breast-cancer awerness pink-out swim meet tonight, a local derby with the school Hebe should have gone to. Fortunately there were no t-shirst left in my size so I was not faced with the dilemma. And beest opted to fall on the sword. My hero. I'm very very very much aware of it, thank you. stupid disease. still. We're kicking it in the cunt, one by one.
/rambling. It's a beautiful day, friend is alive.
That post makes me smile. Go Beest! What a good man. What good people. Your friend is very lucky to have you all in her life, and women everywhere are lucky there are people like you.
people who refuse to wear pink? :lol:
I thought he was wearing the pink? :confused:
@lamplighter - nice link, thanks. Anyone who finds and shares something like that is neither a dunce nor socially clueless.
speaking of wearing pink - my mom had to go to the ER friday and the paramedics (all dudes) were wearing pink T-shirts with the breast cancer ribbon. Pretty funny.
i find it difficult to express my feelings when a friend has cancer. i just try to let them know i care and will be there for them. sounds lame, but i so awkward with it
Sarge, that isn't lame at all. People know when you mean what you say. Far better to say less, and mean it, than to go on at length about how this isn't a problem at all because treatments are so good now that no one dies of breast cancer (they do - just not in the first 3 months), and how lucky the person is to be getting 'new boobs for free', and other faux pas.
Knowing that someone means what he says and that you really can contact him if needed is better than rubies. Don't worry about the awkwardness.
Sometimes the best response is, FUCK CANCER.
her 5 year anniversary from surgery is next week. All is well at last check-up :)
Excellent. Doesn't feel like it's been five years. Time gets faster every year.
Time gets faster every year.
It don't slow down, that's for sure.
I have another friend with breast cancer. Recently I learned it was metastatic and in her spine, fracturing one of her vertebrae. She posted on facebook that she was having to learn to walk again. She just posted this:
[YOUTUBE]-mztliwYyLs[/YOUTUBE]
I'm sorry just isn't strong enough to convey my feelings.
It's a complete fucker. I didn't really realize before that she has no chance of surviving this :( I figured it wasn't looking good, but zero is a hard stat to deal with
That's harsh. I'm sorry, monster.
She is the awesome. So kind. I first met her at preschool -she came in after I had been there for several years but had been there with older kids and was a former president. She took over the presidency again from me. Her best friend was the librarian/media specialist at the alternative K-8 school we went chose and she encouraged us that we were doing the right thing. She invited us to fantastic bonfire parties in the fall where the kids did hayrides and I burned stuff. After preschool was done, I met back up with her in the summers as her youngest swim and dove. then I met her again as our kids went to the same high school and shared classes. And her youngest dove and made states so out team supported theirs. And she came to be the lunchroom supervisor at the k-8 school (her friend was now the principal) And then she got cancer. She fought both mastectomies ...instead of quitting or telling kids not to hug her, she strapped cushions to her waist so kids could hug her but wouldn't reach the danger zone. I can't write any more.
I am crying my face off.fuck cancer and why is it such a bitch. Thanks for posting this, monster, for awareness. The video was great. :(
So sorry, Monster. There are no words.
Sent by thought transference
So sorry, Monster. There are no words.
Sent by thought transference
So sorry to hear this Monster.
Mum's friend Maureen (who was very good to me when I lived with my parents in Aylesbury) goes in for a lumpectomy tomorrow. I sent her a card with a simple good luck message as Mum is out of the country.
I'm hoping that Maureen's experience will be the same us Mum's; reached in plenty of time and Fuck Cancer it's all gone, we win.
It's hard to remember sometimes that this is not everyone's experience and it still has so many opportunities to end lives, and make others almost unbearably hard.
About 231,840 new cases of invasive breast cancer in 2015.
◾ About 62,290 new cases of carcinoma in situ (CIS) of the breast will be found (CIS is non-invasive and is the earliest form of breast cancer).
◾ About 40,290 deaths from breast cancer
We see these statistics repeatedly. We frown. We move on. But every one of those 40,290 is a person, a woman.
When it's your Mom or Daughter or sibling, or lover, or friend, it's personal.
Fuck Cancer! :mad: