May 15, 2009: Ancient sculpture has enormous rack

According to the BBC, this ivory carving is the oldest sculpture of a human figure ever found, at approximately 35,000 years old. And it has... well... big tits.

Sez the Beeb,

Professor Nicholas Conard, from the department of Early Prehistory and Quaternary Ecology, at Tübingen University, said is was understandable that many would also view the new discovery in a pornographic light, but he cautioned against jumping to quickly to a particular interpretation.

"We project our ideas of today on to this image from 40,000 years ago," he told the BBC.

"I think there are good reasons to emphasise sexual interpretations, but we really don't know whether it is coming from a more male or a more female perspective. We don't know very much about how the artefact was used."

Don't know? The male sexual response is enormously visual... and without even ancient culture, never mind the culture of today, ancient males must have been quite primitive...



In my opinion, we are looking at prehistoric pornography. 35,000 years ago, some prehistoric man whacked off to this. It's almost guaranteed.

Hey, I'm only telling you what the Beeb won't admit.

(And some people think the IotD is a Safe For Work zone. I don't think so!)

It's not ivory and it's not what he whacked off TO!

It looks kind of maternal to me ...


... still feel like jacking off to it Toad?

It's a dönii

didnt you read clan of the cave bear?

its based on an idealized idea of the human figure that rarely existed. Back then, fat people were admired. (how far we've fallen. sigh)

mind out of the gutter, guys!

It's SFW as long as you are not working as a hunter-gatherer. What the hell is up with that thing's head though?

it's like one of those maps.....

they size the component parts in direct relation to how much attention is paid them.

Dunno, Mr Undertoad, but after all my band days/nights, she could be familiar, though a pressure-washer is called for, in either case. Ya gotta be sure. Hold on, I think.........no, never mind, not Hillary........

looks like a whole chicken to me - ewwwwwwwww

dropmedic;565789 wrote:

Dunno, Mr Undertoad, but after all my band days/nights, she could be familiar, though a pressure-washer is called for, in either case. Ya gotta be sure. Hold on, I think.........no, never mind, not Hillary........

Hell, it couldn't be Hillary... she's CAST IRON!:headshake

We're gonna need some serious tenderizer on this one, folks.

corydodt;565753 wrote:

It's SFW as long as you are not working as a hunter-gatherer. What the hell is up with that thing's head though?

The sculpt is depicting the old adage:
The bigger the tits, the smaller the brain.:bolt:

Sigh.

It's not sexual at all. How many times do I have to say it?

It's all about the dowas.

The original nom nom nom.

Classic is right. It's clearly a fried chicken.

New scientist has a small article on the interpretation of it.

Yup.

corydodt;565753 wrote:

It's SFW as long as you are not working as a hunter-gatherer. What the hell is up with that thing's head though?

There isn't one - it was designed as pendant.

These were found approximatley 30 miles down the road from here. Maybe my grandgrand....grandfather made some :)

It's a petrified chicken! But how many grants do you think the scientists would get if they actually said it.

Not only is it a realistic depiction of a genuine woman, she has descendants alive today.

I'm with Dana and foot... with the arms curved around like they are, I think she looks pregnant. It's maternal.

It's similar to the Venus of Willendorf, which Jim mentioned, was written about by Jean Auel as an early religious symbol of mother earth.

As he spoke, Jondalar unconsciously reached into the pouch attached to his belt and felt for the small stone figurine of an obese female. He felt the familiar huge breasts, her large protruding stomach, and her more than ample buttocks and thighs. The arms and legs were insignificant, it was the Mother aspects that were important, and the limbs on the stone figure were only suggested. The head was a knob with a suggestion of hair that carried across the face, with no features. ...

He reached into his pouch. "I have something I want to give you, Noria." He took out the stone donii and put it in her hand. He wished there were some way to tell her how special it was to him, to tell her his mother had given it to him, to tell her how old it was, how it had been passed down for many generations. Then he smiled. "This donii is my Haduma," he said. "Jondalar's Haduma. Now, it is Noria's Haduma."


...
He sat at the edge, carving, shaping, sculpting, but he realized the ivory was not turning out to be ample and motherly. It was taking on the shape of a young woman. The hair that he had intended to resemble the style of the ancient donii he had given away - a ridged form covering the face as well as the back - was suggestive of braids, tight braids all over the head, except for the face. The face was blank. No face was ever carved on a donii, who could bear to look upon the face of the Mother? Who could know it? She was all women, and none.

She was all women, and none.

See, she's a chicken!

jinx wins the thread.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_of_Hohle_Fels

The figurine is a representation of a woman, putting emphasis on the vulva and the breasts, and consequently, it is presumed to be an amulet related to fertility. It is made of a woolly mammoth tusk and had broken into fragments, of which six have been recovered, with the left arm and shoulder still missing. Although possibly missing as well, it appears that in place of the head, the figurine has a perforation so that it could have been worn as a pendant. Archaeologist John J. Shea suggests it would have taken "tens if not hundreds of hours" to carve the figurine.[4] The figurine was found in the cave hall, about 20 m (66 ft) from the entrance and about 3 m (10 ft) below the current ground level.

i'm ashamed of you men that assume this was pr0n. shame shame shame.

other doniis:

Toad, Colbert totally stole your pron idea. I just caught a bit of the show and he showed that relic and said it was ancient PRON.

Shawnee123;566307 wrote:

Toad, Colbert totally stole your pron idea. I just caught a bit of the show and he showed that relic and said it was ancient PRON.

He steals most of his material from me.

Shut up already!! He doesn't want anybody to know he hangs out here.

Waitamin, did he actually use the word "pron"?

It is obviously visual instruction for butchering long pig properly.

Undertoad;566346 wrote:

Waitamin, did he actually use the word "pron"?

"Pron" as code for "porn" dates back to at least 1989, probably farther but I wasn't online (unless you count Compuserve) until then. Usually spelled "pr0n", sometimes spelled "pron" or "prawn" or "n0rp". It was so users could get around the wordfilters on their work and school networks. The likelihood that Colbert has been exposed to that usage approaches 100%.

Undertoad;566346 wrote:

Waitamin, did he actually use the word "pron"?

No he said porn.

We'll prolly be a google hit for porn now. I mean...er... again.:lol2:

Yeah, see, there is a barrier between internet culture and large media culture.

Undertoad;566387 wrote:

Yeah, see, there is a barrier between internet culture and large media culture.

:biglaugha

It was in last weeks edition of The Economist too. Wonder where they got it from?

From the Toad, of course!

It's always the same. Guys have been widdling away to make sure we have no head to think with, and no feet to run with.

Nothing has changed in 35,000 years. Undeniable proof!! :)

After removing the photoshopped artifacts from 35000 years ago, it turns out it really is a chicken!