Cellar Public Reminder Courtesy Post

[LIST]
[*]check your boobs for lumps
[*]check your balls for lumps
[*]check your skin for weird-colored patches and changing moles
[*]get a mammogram
[*]get a colonoscopy
[*]get a pap smear teast
[*]get your blood pressure checked
[*]change the batteries in your smoke alarm
[*]eat a dick
[/LIST]

Please keep arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Keep seat belt fastened until the vehicle is brought to a complete stop. Take small children by the hand and check around you for all personal belongings before exiting the ride.

Can you tell where I've been the last few days? ;)

If you shoot someone while swimming in the pool, please remove the body immediately.

Completely finish your current beer before opening another.

capnhowdy;555122 wrote:

Completely finish your current beer before opening another.

Spoilsport :(

change the batteries in your .......................[COLOR="White"]smoke alarm[/COLOR]

Stop, Look, and Listen before you cross the street.

In case of setting yourself on fire:
Stop, drop and roll.

Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate.

This Page Intentionally Left Blank

Coffee is hot

This is not a step

Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'
Don't stand in the pouring rain

watch the tram car please meep meep

Line Jumping Is Not A Sport

Use of flamable anesthestics is prohibited in this area.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

A collection.

[youtube]DiXo78XPdKU[/youtube]

Slippery when wet.

EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS

I liked that vid Hap Monk!

@ UT: the guy who took over the bar where I worked told me once "I don't need signs telling my employees to wash their hands...I wouldn't hire someone who wouldn't."

Good point, but I guess it's public perception.

Left lane ends. Merge right.

The hand washing sign is required by most public health organizations and a condition for a license to sell food I believe. The local inspectors will nail you with a fine if you don't have them around here.

Since that time (years ago), I've been there and he does have the signs. Yeah, I think it's the law. Not a bad or obtrusive law, but I liked his point.

Where there is no pavement, walk in single file against the flow of the traffic. Please leave all gates as you find them and take your litter home with you.

No hat, no salute area.

Please tie down all antenna.

When you are Engulfed in Flames....remember to love David Sedaris.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

.[ATTACH]22876[/ATTACH]

Apparently, if you stand too far forward of the white line at a railway platform, there's a danger you could get sucked off...

DanaC;555478 wrote:

Apparently, if you stand too far forward of the white line at a railway platform, there's a danger you could get sucked off...

:bj3:

DanaC;555478 wrote:

Apparently, if you stand too far forward of the white line at a railway platform, there's a danger you could get sucked off...

::shuffles forward::

but . . .what was that last item, Loretta?

Never ask a woman "When's the baby due" until you are sure that she is in fact pregnant.:headshake

richlevy;555522 wrote:

Never ask a woman "When's the baby due" until you are sure that she is in fact pregnant.:headshake

I have made that mistake. It was ugly and I felt bad since she was a friend.

Offer is void where prohibited by law and good taste, except in Nebraska.

TheMercenary;555538 wrote:

I have made that mistake. It was ugly and I felt bad since she was a friend.

Well the fact that you're still alive proves that she was a friend.


Otherwise....

:nadkick::rattat::bawling::angry::apistola:

Do not look in laser with remaining eye. :eyeball:

Consuming raw or undercooked meats, poultry, seafood, shellfish or eggs may increase your risk of foodborne illness.

Save. Save regularly. Back up data. Back it up regularly.

Never eat at a restaurant next to an animal hospital.

Never get a credit card from a company based in South Dakota (good luck with that).

Never use an animal hospital next to a restaurant.

Don't kill nothing that don't need killing.

Mind the gap!!

Inflate your tires.

Put the cheese away when you're done eating it, drunkie.

File your taxes.

capnhowdy;555338 wrote:

[ATTACH]22876[/ATTACH]

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Shel Silverstein

If you hang your keys on a hook by the door, you'll never have to frantically search your house for them.

Save trees; go to www.catalogchoice.org and sign up to be removed from unwanted catalogs.

Help protect your identity (and save trees); go to https://www.optoutprescreen.com/?rf=t and opt out of pre-approved credit card offers.

Thank you, Jill. I enjoyed that.

Stand clear of the doors, please.
Stand clear of the closing doors.

cellar PUBIC reminder: please shave

richlevy;555559 wrote:

...
Never get a credit card from a company based in South Dakota (good luck with that).

Or insure your goods and chattels with an insurer from Delaware ...

Do not operate heavy machinery while on medication.

The Cellar has been accident-free for 37 days.

Don't lose your mind while running through the mind fields.

Undertoad;555899 wrote:

The Cellar has been accident-free for 37 days.

Are you talking physical accidents? Or somebody getting drunk & making posts they shouldn't have accidents?

Caution high winds may exist.

Warning: This site may harm your your computer.
<click here to skip ad>

Do Not Occupy This Dumpster

Remove Windscreen Cover Before Driving.

If this phone fails to work, Call (800) 888-8990 between 8 AM - 4:30 PM PST

Never iron clothes while they are being worn

on fireplace log:
Caution --Risk of Fire.

on pepper spray:
May Cause Eye Irritation

package of fishing hooks: harmful if swallowed

on bag of peanuts:
Warning --Contains Nuts

American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Open packet, eat nuts."

Remove Packaging Before Eating.

Do Not Eat Toner.

This product contains Olestra. Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients. Vitamins A, D, E and K have been added.

printed _on product seal of some vitamins i got _just _this _morning:
Do Not Use if Seal is Broken or Missing.

On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

on hair dryer:
Do not use in shower. Do Not Use While Sleeping or Unconscious.

Remove used tampon before inserting a new one.

Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally.

Always wear eye protection.

Switch should be in On position before operating.

Do Not Place Hands Inside While Blades Are In Motion.

For best results, remove cap.

This Product Can Will Only Protect The Part Of The Body It's Covering.

May be hot after heating.

If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.

__________________
Please exercise caution --costume mask and chest plate are not protective; cape does not enable wearer to fly.

bwahahahaha.

Some of the instruction warning labels of products is hilarious. but you know, we don't really have natural selection anymore, so companies have to protect themselves from being sued by MORONS. :D

Meursault;555966 wrote:

This product contains Olestra. Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients. Vitamins A, D, E and K have been added.

I love the NPR game show "Wait, wait, don't tell me." From there I glean important information like the fact that Olestra is making a comeback -- as an industrial additive for paints and lubricants.

lmfao

Don't drink and post.

And don't drink from a drinking post.

Don't kiss someone with cold sores (a.k.a. Mouth Herpes).

richlevy;555522 wrote:

Never ask a woman "When's the baby due" until you are sure that she is in fact pregnant.:headshake

I work with a rather round girl who attempted to attack a fast food employee for asking her that question.