Tiki Bitches About...
...her housemate.
I love the girl dearly, but she's not only a morning person, she's also one of those people who talks constantly, and if she thinks I need cheering up she with spout incessant inane absurd little comments and questions... not things I can just ignore, but ones that require a response, EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE MEANINGLESS ABSURDITIES.
I really want her to SHUT THE FUCK UP in the mornings, and stop trying to be funny or cheer me up.
Also, despite being a morning person, she lets her alarm beep beep beep for almost an hour every morning. I hate repetitive sounds with a passion.
Even if it is your headboard hitting the wall?
[COLOR="White"]notice how I fixated on probably the least important line of your post?[/COLOR]
Absolutely.
Which is why I have a sturdy sleigh bed that stands up to abuse.
...and if she thinks I need cheering up she with spout incessant inane absurd little comments....
...I hate repetitive sounds with a passion.
Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug? Awww...does someone need a hug?
:D
:lol:
Luckily, I can't hear the sound of you hitting the same keys over and over again.
"Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays." :rolleyes:
spray her with the hose, first thing. that'll dampen her spirits.
srsly, does she get up and down loads of coffee? You could secrectly switch it to decaf...just a thought.
"Good morning Tiki, how'd you sleep last night?"
"got anything interesting planned for today"
"did you watch American Idol last night?"
"No? What did you do?"
"think it's going to rain today?"
"when are they ever going to fill that pothole in front of the house?"
spray her with the hose, first thing. that'll dampen her spirits.
srsly, does she get up and down loads of coffee? You could secrectly switch it to decaf...just a thought.
No, she's just naturally chatty in the mornings. Used to drive her boyfriend nuts too.
I think I'm really ill-suited to live with people, because I like to be left alone almost all the time. I don't at all mind being written at, but being talked at is like nails on a chalkboard.
Maybe I need to keep a spray bottle on my desk, and as soon as she starts talking I'll squirt her.
I like to be left alone almost all the time. I don't at all mind being written at, but being talked at is like nails on a chalkboard.
You must be a blast at parties :right:
what about talked WITH or talked TO? Cuz I don't like being talked AT either.
Yah everyone secretly hates their housemate for one reason or the other. You should write her a passive aggressive sticky note, and then tape it to her bedroom door.
You should write her a passive aggressive sticky note, and then tape it to her bedroom door.
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/what about talked WITH or talked TO? Cuz I don't like being talked AT either.
I definitely don't mind being talked WITH, it's the little irritating POINTLESS demands on my time and attention that drive me crazy.
Carbon Monoxide works well in these situations. Just remember to make your plans for that evening a couple weeks prior. And don't tell ANYONE. Not even us.
If a gentle, "Please leave me alone until I'm all the way awake" doesn't work, just make a sign that says, "Quiet time!" and hold it up every time she starts to annoy you.
The first step to making something annoying stop is to be reasonable, the second step is to be ridiculous so that it becomes funny.
You must be a blast at parties :right:
...well she takes knitting on first dates....
Hey, honey, did you like the movie?
Shh! I'm counting stitches!
...well she takes knitting on first dates....
Date: "So, Tiki, whatcha knittin?"
Tiki: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Date: "Check, please."
:D
Tiki: "I bite when I'm grumpy. I'm always grumpy before 10am.
I've never been vaccinated for rabies. Your choice."
or knit yourself some earmuffs...
Or knit your housemate a ball-gag.
Thanks for the visual Shawnee. Perhaps some fuzzy handcuffs to go with it?
It's a good one, eh QotR? :lol:
I'm picturing a nice variegated pink and purple lambswool.
See, wolf could've taken this project as her craft project to while away the time. Oh wolf? Are you getting this? :)
Carbon Monoxide works well in these situations. Just remember to make your plans for that evening a couple weeks prior. And don't tell ANYONE. Not even us.
I didn't even read this post. ;)
...well she takes knitting on first dates....
It always backfires. For some reason indifference seems only to fuel their fires. I should try being really hyper-enthusiastic and excessively "into" them on first dates.
Or knit your housemate a ball-gag.
:mittens:
This is pure win.
An update on the housemate: as if by magic, she seems to know that I am on the verge of homicidal rampage, and she actually STOPPED herself at one point this morning and said "OK now, just because it's morning doesn't mean you have to fill it with noise" and then went and quietly talked to her dog for a while.
YAY PROGRESS!
She really is trying, and she's a good person. She just doesn't do "quiet" well.
This is actually a control issue. If she was a TV, you'd leave her on for company, because then you'd be in control: you'd have an off switch.
Thus, if you choose to, you can control your need to control, and there will be no more issue.
My ex used to complain about my snoring. To fix it, she kicked me whenever I woke her up by snoring. Thus satisfying her need to control.
J simply got earplugs.
I love J.
This is actually a control issue. If she was a TV, you'd leave her on for company, because then you'd be in control: you'd have an off switch.
Thus, if you choose to, you can control your need to control, and there will be no more issue.
My ex used to complain about my snoring. To fix it, she kicked me whenever I woke her up by snoring. Thus satisfying her need to control.
J simply got earplugs.
I love J.
She kept herself awake all night long in a state of cat like readiness, just so she could kick you when you made a loud, abrupt sound, cross between hocking up a luger and choking to death, and thus exert her will upon you? God, what a fucking psycho... :rolleyes:
This is actually a control issue. If she was a TV, you'd leave her on for company, because then you'd be in control: you'd have an off switch.
Thus, if you choose to, you can control your need to control, and there will be no more issue.
This is pure bullshit. I do not have the TV on as background noise, EVER, because I cannot stand it. I can't tolerate ANYTHING on as "background noise". I listen to music, but unless I'm actually focusing on it, it's too much noise too.
I like conversation. What I dislike is the kind of constant, meaningless chattering (especially in the morning or late at night, when I'm either trying to get ready for work or I'm tired) that demands a response even though no useful information is being conveyed. If it's a control issue, it's a need to control others by forcing them to respond instead of letting them do what they're trying to focus on.
You seem to think that people who prefer not to have constant, meaningless, attention-distracting chatter directed at them are somehow trying to control others. The reality is that all I want control over are my OWN boundaries, and others are trespassing when they will not observe them. Who is trying to control who?
My ex used to complain about my snoring. To fix it, she kicked me whenever I woke her up by snoring. Thus satisfying her need to control.
J simply got earplugs.
I love J.
That's an appropriate solution to a problem *you* had no control over.
I sympathise Tiki.
I am a fairly gregarious person, some of the time. But when I am wanting quiet, I cannot bear anybody trying to chit chat with me. It's one of the reasons I live alone. I do tend to go for background noise (unless I am reading) but it has to be a particular kind of background noise. Someone wittering on about something and nothing doesn't count.
That said, if I am feeling up and chatty, I am probably the worst person for a quiet type to be around :P
You sound like someone who really needs their own space Tiki. Is it at all likely that you will be able to get into a situation where you can take a house by yourself?
I LOVE living alone. When I want to be around people, the whole world is only a few feet away. I couldn't even handle my own son staying with me. I was so glad when he left.
The reality is that all I want control over are my OWN boundaries, and others are trespassing when they will not observe them. Who is trying to control who?
Yes, but you SET your OWN boundaries. And when you live with someone else, you are bound to step on theirs and they are bound to step on yours. It's pretty inevitable.
Do you think you don't step on hers? I'll wager you have some really annoying habits.
We all do.
I bow to you. Who else would think to find an actual recipe for a knitted ball-gag?
But wouldn't you be worried about shrinkage? :D
But wouldn't you be worried about shrinkage? :D
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
--Elaine Benes
Yes, but you SET your OWN boundaries. And when you live with someone else, you are bound to step on theirs and they are bound to step on yours. It's pretty inevitable.
Do you think you don't step on hers? I'll wager you have some really annoying habits.
We all do.
You know what? FUCK YOU.
No doubt I do have annoying habits, and she's free to complain to her friends about them. This is MY FUCKING HOUSE and she should at least respect my wish to be left the fuck alone IN MY FUCKING OFFICE in the morning.
I have been a quiet person my whole life and I hate having people make meaningless sounds at me in the morning.
Are you one of those people who can't help trespassing other people's boundaries with your constant, idiotic sound-making? One of those retarded twits who can't fucking stop making noise with your stupid fucking mouth because you're uncomfortable with thought and silence, and if some retarded pointless phrase phrase of babble passes through your empty fucking head it pops straight out of your useless flapping lips?
If yes, take YOUR stupid boundary-crossing control issue and shove it up your ass, fucktard.
Oh God, I love this Tiki person.
I sympathise Tiki.
I am a fairly gregarious person, some of the time. But when I am wanting quiet, I cannot bear anybody trying to chit chat with me. It's one of the reasons I live alone. I do tend to go for background noise (unless I am reading) but it has to be a particular kind of background noise. Someone wittering on about something and nothing doesn't count.
That said, if I am feeling up and chatty, I am probably the worst person for a quiet type to be around :P
You sound like someone who really needs their own space Tiki. Is it at all likely that you will be able to get into a situation where you can take a house by yourself?
I definitely prefer living alone. I own the house, but she needed a place to stay when she broke up with her girlfriend, and she has a giant fucking obnoxious dog so she can't get an apartment. The rent money comes in handy, little as it is, but I'm still hoping she'll move in with her new boyfriend within a year.
One thing I will have none of is someone telling me I need to adjust my boundaries to suit someone else. I also don't like having my ass grabbed... that's a boundary. If I was living with a guy who really liked to come up to me in the morning and grab my ass, would Undertoad be telling me that it's a control issue, and I need to adjust my boundary to be a better housemate?
I'm sorry, but telling me I should adjust my boundary, which in this case is a dislike of pointless attention-grabbing chitchat from other adults when I'm in my office trying to prepare for work, is just plain stupid.
One of her favorite meaningless ways to pollute the air with talkingtalking includes pretending that her dog has said something, like "Rover was telling me the other day that he believes that it's a real shame that the squirrel commodity market has gone up so far that his favorite bar no longer serves squirrel pie, what do you think about that Tiki?"
What the shit
I just want to check my email and drink my tea. My office needs a door with a lock.
Just to add further clarity, she is a lovely, highly intelligent, creative person and a dear friend for many years. She is by no means stupid or vapid, and in most ways is as close to an ideal housemate as I could have. She just has a compulsive need to be talking ALL THE TIME, making sounds, trying to engage others regardless of what they're doing. Perhaps it is a deep-seated loneliness, I don't know. It clashes badly with my introversion and desire to be left alone, but I would rather vent about it here than hurt her feelings and create an awkward living situation by snapping at her.
And yes, I have told her I would like to be left alone in the morning, and I think this is as close to "leaving alone" that she is capable of.
IMO Undertoad's moronic notions that I'm being controlling and should change my boundaries so that these nagging pointless demands at response don't bother me come across as the classic extravert desire to control and "improve" introverts by trying to force them to be more extraverted, with the misguided impression that extraverted = normal and introverted = dysfunctional. I don't respect that point of view, because it is deeply disrespectful to me and to all introverts.
so put a door with a lock on your office , or set a rule that you are NOT to be disturbed for the first Hour or so that you are awake , think Dog wisperer
[youtube]msN2eeachrM[/youtube]
Oh and WE could NOT live togather as I am a Grabber , grouper , gooser , what ever you want to call it
The office was built with a door that's more of an arch than a doorframe, but if anyone wants to send me $600 that would probably cover the cost of changing it.
take YOUR stupid boundary-crossing control issue and shove it up your ass, fucktard.
Oh NOW I get it -- you're so highly tolerant of others!!! :D :D :D
what rich IRONY --
I wasn't actually saying that this whole thing is specifically a personality problem on your behalf, just offering you a way to think about it.
But you've
convinced me. With your awesome argument, you've convinced me that you're being charitable by letting her live there! and give you a little rent money so that you can't kick her out, but you can just come to seethe at her every morning. That's charity. You're SUCH a good person. That's good behavior on your part.
How DARE she come and try to be sociable. She's a fucking idiot with her stupid fucking dog that she loves and her stupid fucking sing-song morning. Mornings are for seething, does she not see that? Your ONLY boundary is that she must not try to be her version of nice and sociable before coffee! She should be respecting that!!
Living with you -- that is a TREAT for her! That's exactly what she wanted. Every moment in your presence a gift. So gentle, patient and giving. She should pay you double.
Good job continuing to be a total dick. Hopefully you will post about something that bothers you so I can tell you how completely fucking wrong you are, and how it only bothers you because you're a terrible person.
OH for god's sake Tiki. This again?
Your exalted status might only get you so far, and it's transitory. :right:
Colour me unimpressed.
Good job continuing to be a total dick. Hopefully you will post about something that bothers you so I can tell you how completely fucking wrong you are, and how it only bothers you because you're a terrible person.
Yeah, well, hopefully when you do that, I won't post a fuck-you argument that completely proves your point.
Exalted in what?
First Undertoad tells me that the reason I don't like having someone chatter meaninglessly at me in the mornings, in a way that demands a response to things that don't even make sense, is because I have control issues. Then he tells me that if I don't like having my boundaries crossed, I should change my boundaries.
I don't give a rat's ass if you're "impressed", Shawnee. If someone's being a dick and shitting all over me, I'll call them a dick.
Yeah, and hopefully when you do that, I won't post an argument that proves your point.
Oh, you mean that by posting that I can't stand something, and then you told me that I should change so that it doesn't bother me, and I reiterate that I can't stand it, I'm proving YOUR POINT that I should change so that it doesn't bother me?
Yes, I am intolerant as fuck of pointless, brainless, talking-for-the-sake-of-talking. I hate it. How does that prove your point? What is your point, other than I should change to accommodate people who talk a lot for no reason, rather than asking them to respect my boundaries and leave me alone?
That seems really one-sided to me.
I don't give a rat's ass if you're "impressed", Shawnee. If someone's being a dick and shitting all over me, I'll call them a dick.
That's good, because I am decidedly not. I am, however, thrilled that I've been out-crazied. :lol:
Funny, how a venting thread about my housemate, so that I can get it off my chest harmlessly, has turned into a "you're a seething crazy control-freak."
All because I really need some time alone and quiet in the morning, and I'm having a hard time getting my housemate to respect my boundaries.
Gotta love that famous Cellar support system. :headshake
Oh NOW I get it -- you're so highly tolerant of others!!! :D :D :D
what rich IRONY --
I wasn't actually saying that this whole thing is specifically a personality problem on your behalf, just offering you a way to think about it.
But you've convinced me. With your awesome argument, you've convinced me that you're being charitable by letting her live there! and give you a little rent money so that you can't kick her out, but you can just come to seethe at her every morning. That's charity. You're SUCH a good person. That's good behavior on your part.
How DARE she come and try to be sociable. She's a fucking idiot with her stupid fucking dog that she loves and her stupid fucking sing-song morning. Mornings are for seething, does she not see that? Your ONLY boundary is that she must not try to be her version of nice and sociable before coffee! She should be respecting that!!
Living with you -- that is a TREAT for her! That's exactly what she wanted. Every moment in your presence a gift. So gentle, patient and giving. She should pay you double.
I mean, seriously... what kind of jerk-ass shit is this? You really are a completely worthless waste of humanity. Obviously, this is how you view anybody who needs quiet time. I think you have some SERIOUS boundary-crossing issues, to the point where you actually resent people who try to define their own personal needs and space. Is it just that you hate introverts, or do you feel threatened by and need to tear down anyone who implies the ability to reject other people's advances?
We can't all be wide-open spaces all the time. Especially those of us who work for a living and need to get things done, which is generally what I'm dong in my office.
No, I think everyone was very willing to listen to your beef, maybe offer some advice, some ideas. The first inkling that someone says something, and not just in this thread, that you disagree with you go off, tell them they're stupid and they just don't understand your particular dilemma, and then boo-dee-hoo that the Cellar sucks.
How much fucking support do you want? You want we should come over and smack her?
I completely understood what you were talking about. However, I was blinded by your cute little smackdown of UT, who was only offering suggestions.
If you don't want opinions about your assorted dilemmas, I suggest you write them on little pieces of paper instead, you know, to get it out, then burn them. Leave well-meaning people, who apparently suck if they don't bow to your every word, out of it.
kthxbai
Also, Undertoad, try reading and responding to the WHOLE quote, instead of excerpting the part that makes it look like I was unconditionally insulting you.
Are you one of those people who can't help trespassing other people's boundaries with your constant, idiotic sound-making? One of those retarded twits who can't fucking stop making noise with your stupid fucking mouth because you're uncomfortable with thought and silence, and if some retarded pointless phrase phrase of babble passes through your empty fucking head it pops straight out of your useless flapping lips?
If yes, take YOUR stupid boundary-crossing control issue and shove it up your ass, fucktard.
I believe that's just making you look more unreasonable and bitchy.
If you don't want another person disrupting your life, don't invite them into your life, or invite them as closely as you have Chatty Cathy.
No, I think everyone was very willing to listen to your beef, maybe offer some advice, some ideas. The first inkling that someone says something, and not just in this thread, that you disagree with you go off, tell them they're stupid and they just don't understand your particular dilemma, and then boo-dee-hoo that the Cellar sucks.
How much fucking support do you want? You want we should come over and smack her?
I completely understood what you were talking about. However, I was blinded by your cute little smackdown of UT, who was only offering suggestions.
If you don't want opinions about your assorted dilemmas, I suggest you write them on a little pieces of paper instead, you know, to get it out, then burn them. Leave well-meaning people, who apparently suck if they don't bow to your every word, out of it.
kthxbai
Plenty of people posted opinions, and one person got insulting. I do respond negatively to insulting opinions, including "well if it hurts, just stop" (I assume you're referring to Dana's reply about my divorce in that other thread... yeah, that was dumb advice, pardon me for pointing it out).
Almost everyone who replied in this thread was amusing, supportive, or gently teasing... in other words, perfectly nice. Only you and Undertoad decided to be the emissaries that undermined the "Cellar support" you like to tout so much.
This is actually a control issue. If she was a TV, you'd leave her on for company, because then you'd be in control: you'd have an off switch.
Thus, if you choose to, you can control your need to control, and there will be no more issue.
Yes, but you SET your OWN boundaries. And when you live with someone else, you are bound to step on theirs and they are bound to step on yours. It's pretty inevitable.
Do you think you don't step on hers? I'll wager you have some really annoying habits.
We all do.
What he posted was not advice, Shawnee, it was an insult toward my needs and boundaries.
And you stepped right in line behind him when I called him on it.
I believe that's just making you look more unreasonable and bitchy.
If you don't want another person disrupting your life, don't invite them into your life, or invite them as closely as you have Chatty Cathy.
I didn't know she was like this when I said she could move in. I've known her for years and I thought she was really quiet... turns out she's really quiet at all times except mornings. I don't even need her to be quiet in the morning... just not try to engage me in meaningless banter. She can talk to herself or the pets all she wants without it bothering me, or talk to me about things that have a meaning and a purpose if she needs to. Just not the "blah-blah-blah, oh look Tiki it's orange do you like orange Tiki were you feeding the chickens carrots LOL I'm silly" stuff.
It's not a gigantic issue, it's just something that was frustrating me that I needed to vent about... you know, let off steam so that the resentment wouldn't build up. I actually WORK in my office, I get up at 7 am and pack lunches and take my kids to school and then come home to relax, drink a cup of tea and answer customer emails and get my head in a space where I can go to my studio and be productive. It's hard to do that when someone's grabbing for your attention every few minutes.
She's friends with all my friends, and is online in most of the places I'm online, so I figured I could vent about it here safely.
That seems really one-sided to me.
No. You don't get it. It is to your benefit. I am giving you helpful advice about how to behave in life.
People annoy you. There are only two choices:
1. Get them to stop annoying you.
2. Stop being annoyed.
Can't tell you how much easier it is to achieve #2.
You know what I've got now? I've got two adult children living in my house RENT FREE --
and I have a bad mortgage and no job.
They leave the lights on. They don't clean anything. They don't DO anything around the house, unless they get paid for it. They wake me up all hours of the night and morning. They break stuff. They take stuff. They borrow stuff. They lose stuff. They bring smelly toddlers into the house and hide dirty diapers in a trashcan in the corner of the living room. They play the TV and video games at maximum volume and never turn them off when they leave. Their baby mama stays over and goes into a two-hour crying jag at 5am. They forget to flush and leave pee fermenting in the toilet. They eat the food I bought for myself. They park behind me in the driveway. They have top-volume screaming arguments that make no sense and move from in the house, out into public. They appreciate nothing I do, except for when I hand them a plate of home-cooked dinner, at which time I get a cursory thank you, which I'm very grateful for.
If they were chatty at me in the morning it would be interesting, because most days we don't say two words to each other. I would welcome it, actually.
But me, I'm
chill baby. At the end of the day, all this nonsense, it all rolls off my back. I complain from time to time, and I'd rather it not happen, but I can manage. It doesn't bug me deep down to the bone. Because the real idea, the thing that actually matters is housing these kids while they have a shot at becoming successful adults. I love their mom and I'm doing it for her.
Being chill is, I believe, a good way to be. So that's what I suggest to you. If it feels like a burden, or an endless compromise in which you lose, you aren't getting it yet.
Yes, we're out to get you. I'm not sure how that works since everyone is supposed to be out to get me, but we'll go with it.
The flowchart of what each of you is thinking this conversation is about is fascinating.
Well that's me told eh? I'll be sure not to post any further advice Tiki. Youthought it was dumb advice. I, as I have alredy explained, was simply positing a way of looking at things that helped me.
Fuck you Tiki.
By flowchart I don't mean the calendar where female housemates schedule their periods.
Oh, good for you. Clearly, you're a better person than I am. :right:
I have a perfectly good mortgage. I have three kids living with me. I am self-employed and working my ass off to keep that mortgage current and those kids fed, clothed and housed. I'm the only one here to do that, so I'm doing it.
I am working on gently getting my housemate to give me my space in the morning. In the meantime, I thought I'd be able to vent here without getting shit on by someone who thinks he's superior because nothing gets to him.
Good for you. You're chill. You win +9000 points. If I were more chill, would I be able to do what I do? I don't know. All of the things that go into my personality, including the high-strung, anxious, introverted things, have made me a successful artist and businesswoman, and if having my nerves worked by noise and chatter is part and parcel of that, in the end it still means my kids have a roof over their heads and food on the table. So be it.
Some of this is hereditary... all you have to do is look at my youngest, who has an auditory processing disorder and who is temperamentally exactly like me, to see that. Noise, being talked at for no reason, and especially repetitive noises make her lose her shit... she'll scream and cry and lock herself in her room.
At least I don't do that, I just cry about it on an internet forum.
No. You don't get it. It is to your benefit. I am giving you helpful advice about how to behave in life.
People annoy you. There are only two choices:
1. Get them to stop annoying you.
2. Stop being annoyed.
Can't tell you how much easier it is to achieve #2.
You know what I've got now? I've got two adult children living in my house RENT FREE -- and I have a bad mortgage and no job.
They leave the lights on. They don't clean anything. They don't DO anything around the house, unless they get paid for it. They wake me up all hours of the night and morning. They break stuff. They take stuff. They borrow stuff. They lose stuff. They bring smelly toddlers into the house and hide dirty diapers in a trashcan in the corner of the living room. They play the TV and video games at maximum volume and never turn them off when they leave. Their baby mama stays over and goes into a two-hour crying jag at 5am. They forget to flush and leave pee fermenting in the toilet. They eat the food I bought for myself. They park behind me in the driveway. They have top-volume screaming arguments that make no sense and move from in the house, out into public. They appreciate nothing I do, except for when I hand them a plate of home-cooked dinner, at which time I get a cursory thank you, which I'm very grateful for.
If they were chatty at me in the morning it would be interesting, because most days we don't say two words to each other. I would welcome it, actually.
But me, I'm chill baby. At the end of the day, all this nonsense, it all rolls off my back. I complain from time to time, and I'd rather it not happen, but I can manage. It doesn't bug me deep down to the bone. Because the real idea, the thing that actually matters is housing these kids while they have a shot at becoming successful adults. I love their mom and I'm doing it for her.
Being chill is, I believe, a good way to be. So that's what I suggest to you. If it feels like a burden, or an endless compromise in which you lose, you aren't getting it yet.
Well that's me told eh? I'll be sure not to post any further advice Tiki. Youthought it was dumb advice. I, as I have alredy explained, was simply positing a way of looking at things that helped me.
Fuck you Tiki.
I already had that conversation with you, Dana. I told you exactly what I thought about what you said, which is no different from what I said about it here. Shawnee brought it up again, so I clarified that it was what she was referring to.
Apology accepted. See how easy that was?
CAREFUL!
it's still morning where she is!
All of the things that go into my personality, including the high-strung, anxious, introverted things, have made me a successful artist and businesswoman, and if having my nerves worked by noise and chatter is part and parcel of that, in the end it still means my kids have a roof over their heads and food on the table. So be it.
I subscribe to this "take what you have to work with and find a way to make it work" philosophy over the "change yourself to suit the world" approach. That being said, I have to be careful to make the same allowances for others, i.e. reminding myself it's just "their way" etc. ... Especially my wife, because we spend so much time together and work so closely on so many important things. That being said, this is easier because we have many of the same issues, and that makes it easier to empathize.
I don't know what I would do if I had a morning chatterer. Yes I do. My wife used to drive me to work, and she tried to chatter at me. I told her to shut up. She complained that I wake up in a good mood, but then my personailty goes back to sleep. I think it's more of a "gathering my strength for the coming day by looking inward for a few quiet moments" thing.
By the way, our daughter is exatly the same way. Be it nature or nurture, the offspring pick up our little quirks. I don't try to worry too much about our kids getting messed up in the head because we're so cuckoo--because I know it's inevitable. They'll absorb it by osmosis even if we try to force our behavior to change. About the only thing we can do is work on genuinely improving ourselves.
That is, if improvement is warranted. For the most part, I think I am more effective by embracing my irregularities.
Maybe that's what we need to teach them.
How's that for post drift?
CAREFUL!
it's still morning where she is!
[SIZE="1"]
She doesn't mind getting typed at...[/SIZE]
It sure as fuck is, and not a great one either.
oh.....and isn't Undertoad an introvert?
I subscribe to this "take what you have to work with and find a way to make it work" philosophy over the "change yourself to suit the world" approach. That being said, I have to be careful to make the same allowances for others, i.e. reminding myself it's just "their way" etc. ... Especially my wife, because we spend so much time together and work so closely on so many important things. That being said, this is easier because we have many of the same issues, and that makes it easier to empathize.
I don't know what I would do if I had a morning chatterer. Yes I do. My wife used to drive me to work, and she tried to chatter at me. I told her to shut up. She complained that I wake up in a good mood, but then my personailty goes back to sleep. I think it's more of a "gathering my strength for the coming day by looking inward for a few quiet moments" thing.
By the way, our daughter is exatly the same way. Be it nature or nurture, the offspring pick up our little quirks. I don't try to worry too much about our kids getting messed up in the head because we're so cuckoo--because I know it's inevitable. They'll absorb it by osmosis even if we try to force our behavior to change. About the only thing we can do is work on genuinely improving ourselves.
That is, if improvement is warranted. For the most part, I think I am more effective by embracing my irregularities.
Maybe that's what we need to teach them.
How's that for post drift?
I like that. I like it a lot, actually.
I think that changing to suit my environment, or trying to, would have killed me long before now. But by working with what I have I've been able to parlay my nature into a life that is good and productive.
I know I find it difficult to live with people, although I have been told I'm easy to live with. I'm not territorial about my things. I have many pets and am a bit messy and fairly relaxed about everything except my workspace, which is the one area I'm having a hard time defending right now.
My ex used to chatter at me, and I told him that I really need quiet time in the morning to prepare for my workday. He didn't like that, but he accepted it. My housemate, I think, also accepts it, but she also forgets, and I think her idea of "quiet" is different from mine. I also don't think she is able to process that when I'm sitting in front of my computer in the morning, I'm either working or gearing up to work, and it's not social time. My morning starts about two hours before hers... by the time she gets up, I've taken the kids to school and gone to the grocery store. Then I'm ready to start my workday. Maybe, too, she has no trouble focusing on work when people are talking to her. I do. If I were able to change that aspect of myself, I would have long ago.
What I need to do is move my office upstairs. Unfortunately, the room it could go in needs (and I mean requires, not desires) some heavy renovation before it's usable as an office space. It's basically unfinished attic space, and I don't have the money for materials, so it waits.
oh.....and isn't Undertoad an introvert?
I'm sure he could change to suit the people around him, if he wanted to.
In radio studios they have an "ON AIR" light to alert people to be QUIET ON THE SET (or at least it's this way on TV). I think, maybe it's difficult to recognize the boundaries of a non-traditional workspace, unless you're not the person sitting there gearing your head up for WORK mode. I would think, however that this could be communicated somehow...
UNLESS THAT'S TOO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, YOU PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE WEIRDO BITCH.
[SIZE="1"]Am I doing this right?[/SIZE]
I'd say aggresive-aggressive (which I personally prefer to passive), but other than that, bravo.
I know this sets womankind back to caveman times but somehow when someone is overreacting I just can't help thinking they need Midol.
:bolt:
In radio studios they have an "ON AIR" light to alert people to be QUIET ON THE SET (or at least it's this way on TV). I think, maybe it's difficult to recognize the boundaries of a non-traditional workspace, unless you're not the person sitting there gearing your head up for WORK mode. I would think, however that this could be communicated somehow...
UNLESS THAT'S TOO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, YOU PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE WEIRDO BITCH.
[SIZE="1"]Am I doing this right?[/SIZE]
:lol: I think you're on it!
I have tried a few methods of conveying "I AM WORKING NOW" and I have also told her that I want her not to play with the dogs in my office because it's my workspace and it needs to be clean and quiet, and that she must not talk to me when I'm doing shipping or answering emails because if I am distracted I am likely to make a mistake.
She seems to forget, so maybe I need to come up with some visual way of reminding her. It gets tiresome to have to constantly say "Hey housemate, I'm trying to work now, OK?"
Her ex-boyfriend, who is one of my best friends, says that when they were together she was terrible about this... it's like she just can't help it. I kind of think that it won't get better until I am able to move my office to a room that has a door I can close. And lock. A soundproof door... she tends to try to shout from other rooms, and from up or down stairs, so that I have to stop what I'm doing and go open the door or stand by the staircase and say "What?" in case it's important, only it's almost always something utterly meaningless and absurd, like "Kittycat says he was really looking forward go going tie-shopping today, only it turns out the tie shop is closed".
sounds like you live with Phoebe from Friends......and you're that mean brunette
I know this sets womankind back to caveman times but somehow when someone is overreacting I just can't help thinking they need Midol.
:bolt:
A: that's retarded
B: wrong time of month
C: you'll know overreacting when you see it. This is not it.
C: you'll know overreacting when you see it. This is not it.
CThere is a 7 day difference from last month's meltdown...
sounds like you live with Phoebe from Friends......and you're that mean brunette
If I were mean, I simply would have made her cry by now, instead of posting about my frustrations on an internet forum full of strangers in order to make certain my irritation doesn't get back to her and hurt her feelings.
Also, the way I type is the way I talk, but for some reason it just never comes across in person. I could say "Listen housemate, your incessant morning chatter is making me want to stab you to death, I need to work and I can't get shit done with your mouth running with constant nonsense; can you shut the fuck up and leave me alone?" and I swear to god she would just giggle and make a joke about how she's driving me to murder, go away for five minutes, and then come back and do it some more. And then if I say "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" she'll go "OH I forgot!" and skip away. And then come back and do it again the next time a thought pops into her head.
I think it's something about the delivery. I can't seem to get enough MEAN into my voice.
C
That was a trivial overreaction. Go to PD.com and see if you can find any of the really good ones. They span multiple threads, and include graphics.
I think it's something about the delivery. I can't seem to get enough MEAN into my voice.
It seems to be working for you here ...
There is a 7 day difference from last month's meltdown...
Should I post my menstrual cycle so you know when to blame my emotions on it?
Should I post my menstrual cycle so you know when to blame my emotions on it?
I am thinking personality disorder is the more likely culprit but what do I know? ;)
It seems to be working for you here ...
What is the deal with people who can't seem to grasp the difference between TALKING and WRITING, or between LISTENING and READING? Between SOUNDS and LETTERS ON A SCREEN? Are these concepts really that hard to distinguish between?
By "voice" I am talking about the sounds produced by my vocal cords, not the style embedded in my writing.
I am thinking personality disorder is the more likely culprit but what do I know? ;)
Clearly not very much.
Something needs to be done about the 30-second wait between posts. It gets me almost every time.
Back to plan A
>hands Tiki some Midol with a Vodka chaser...
I'm not in pain, and I can't drink in the mornings because it gives me a headache and makes me sleepy.
Is women telling each other that they need Midol like black people calling each other nigga? Cuz i wouldn't dare doing either of those things
No, it's the equivalent to a 6th-grader calling another 6th-grader ugly.
I can sorta Dig what Tiki is saying , when im focused on doing some thing I try to make the rest of the world go AWAY so I can consentrate ,
when im formating a ticket at work ( printer ticket) ,
and you are setting the bumpers , I told YOU to set the bumpers because I KNOW you can handle it and leave me alone to concentrate on landing the data in the fields on the ticket and adjusting them so they do,
I should not need to go get you the tools to do this , you SHOULD have the tools your self ,
I should not need to tell you the gap distance to set , its on the prints or on the sticker that is RIGHT FUCKING THERE ( On the bumper)
So ya I can sorta See where Tiki is comeing from .
Touches Tikis Ass !!
__________________
Maybe Nirvana has terrible PMS and assumes that everyone else does too. Who knows.
> hands Zippy a Beam and coke ;)
Well I just read about 50 posts in this thread and all I have to say is.
1) Tony has earned even MORE respect from me.
2) Shawnee HAS been out crazied
3) Flint has some serious depth and
4) STFU Tiki
I wonder if she would still consider you a friend after the fucking crap you posted here about her.
That is all.
Its Friday and its 5 o'clock somewhere! The bar is open have a drink! :) We also have energy drinks, aspirin, advil, excedrin and midol on the revolving tree! Choose you poison!
So ya I can sorta See where Tiki is comeing from .
Touches Tikis Ass !!
__________________
I'm 100% behind Tiki on this one. Get it? I'm behind her.
Well I just read about 50 posts in this thread and all I have to say is.
1) Tony has earned even MORE respect from me.
2) Shawnee HAS been out crazied
3) Flint has some serious depth and
4) STFU Tiki
I wonder if she would still consider you a friend after the fucking crap you posted here about her.
That is all.
You have a stupid handle.
I'm 100% behind Tiki on this one. Get it? I'm behind her.
:lol:
"Classicman", have you never complained about someone you cared about? Ever? Do you think they would still like you if they knew?
http://www.woot.com/
[B] Able Planet Clear Harmony Foldable Active Noise Canceling Headphones w/ LINX Audio Technology - NC200 [/B]
retail for $79.99.....on Woot for $39.95 + $5 shipping
... How would those help me? :lol: Add MORE noise to my morning?
Basically I just wanted to vent. I thought the knitted ball gag suggestion was the most helpful one... because it made me laugh, defusing my frustration.
Oh well, some people will never "get" other people's quirks and foibles
gives 'em something to feel superior about, I guess.
Oh well, some people will never "get" other people's quirks and foibles
gives 'em something to feel superior about, I guess.
ding ding ding!
I have no problem with other people's quirks and foibles AS LONG AS THEY DON'T ENCROACH UPON MY SPACE OR INFRINGE ON MY WELL-BEING
For instance, if someone's quirk is raping people, other people have a right to be intolerant of that.
That's all it comes down to... respecting people enough to not shit on their personal space.
... How would those help me? :lol: Add MORE noise to my morning?
they're noise
canceling earphones. i just thought it was ironic that they are on woot today.
Cervicalmucous, you and Undertoad seem to believe that a quiet person loses their personal space rights when it comes to being encroached upon by a talkative person. Do you also believe that if she were a smoker, I would need to suck it up and let her smoke in my house? Do you believe that if I asked her not to, I would be disrespecting her right to smoke, rather than asserting my right to not breathe her smoke?
I believe that I should, as a human being, have the right to not have someone try to engage me in banter when I do not want to. I believe that I have the right to not be talked to when I need to not be distracted. I am not trying to impose anything on anyone else; I am only trying to ask them not to impose something on me.
I don't think I am being intolerant... quite the contrary, I think that you are being intolerant by insisting that my desire to be left alone is disrespectful of my housemate's desire to make me talk to her.
How far do you take that line of reasoning? If a man wants to have sex with me and I don't want to have sex with him, am I being disrespectful if I say no? Is rape just an example of women's intolerance for men's desire for sex?
they're noise canceling earphones. i just thought it was ironic that they are on woot today.
I suppose it would be passive-aggressively hilarious if I put earphones on first thing in the morning and ignored her. I have a feeling that would result in a more strained house-share relationship than just telling her to STFU again and again.
I could put my shooting muffs on. And put a gun in plain view on my desk. :lol:
You and Undertoad seem to believe that a quiet person loses their personal space rights when it comes to being encroached upon by a talkative person. Do you also believe that if she were a smoker, I would need to suck it up and let her smoke in my house? Do you believe that if I asked her not to, I would be disrespecting her right to smoke, rather than asserting my right to not breathe her smoke?
I believe that I should, as a human being, have the right to not have someone try to engage me in banter when I do not want to. I believe that I have the right to not be talked to when I need to not be distracted. I am not trying to impose anything on anyone else; I am only trying to ask them not to impose something on me.
I don't think I am being intolerant... quite the contrary, I think that you are being intolerant by insisting that my desire to be left alone is disrespectful of my housemate's desire to make me talk to her.
How far do you take that line of reasoning? If a man wants to have sex with me and I don't want to have sex with him, am I being disrespectful if I say no? Is rape just an example of women's intolerance for men's desire for sex?
who are you talking to? who is 'You' in that quote?
I like the squirt gun idea. when she yammers, squirt her. but don't laugh afterward, just go back to being quiet.
I LIKE IT ROUGH AND DIRTY IN THE MORNING!
who are you talking to? who is 'You' in that quote?
Sorry, went back and fixed in after you posted... was talking to CM.
I like the squirt gun idea. when she yammers, squirt her. but don't laugh afterward, just go back to being quiet.
Or a Laundry basket full of tennis balls
I had a yowling cat that I used the "squirt bottle and a handful of shoes" method with: squirt squirt squirt until out of range and then start launching shoes until the cat is under a piece of furniture in the room farthest from you...throw an extra few shoes just to "set" the under-furniture position.
Works with yowling kids too.
The principal difference is that kids are smart enough to remember what the squirt bottle looks like.
Downside: they cower in fear when you're just picking up shoes out of the floor before vacuuming.
Your downside is my bonus effect.
Your backside is my bonus effect.
I like the squirt gun idea. when she yammers, squirt her. but don't laugh afterward, just go back to being quiet.
This might actually work! Or make her cry. Either way.
I love to see sociopathic hyperbole in the morning...:p
It says something about a person when they think a dislike of moron-babble and a desire to maintain personal boundaries is "sociopathic"... tell me, do you also enjoy shopping malls and reality shows?
Newsflash! Not every comment on this thread is for or directed at you:rolleyes:
But Vana , Its ALL About the TIKI !!!
I wonder if she would still consider you a friend after the fucking crap you posted here about her.
That is all.
Not fair. We all of us clash from time to time with friends, especially, if they are housemates. There must be a place to vent without hurting them. Why the fuck shouldn't Tiki talk about her here? It doesn't reflect badly on their friendship at all. When I lived with my mum after J and I split, she drove me to distraction. I am a very solitary person and I don't do chit chat unless I am 'socialising'. When it got too much I would rant about her to my best friend. I was being unfair about her in some ways, but not in others. I was likely as frustrating to be around, if not more so. My spouting annoyance about Ma didnt mean I'd changed how I felt about her. It's just offloading.
Tiki: clearly the only way for you to deal with this is, as you said, find a more concrete way of marking out your silent space. A room with a lockable door seems a bloody good idea. Might I also suggest that when she shouts something from another room, you just ignore it. If it truly is important, she'll surely come find you in the office. If it's just more random stuff she's not so likely to make a journey to say it ( I assume?).
[eta} went back and edited this staright after posting. Part of it had been rendered obsolete. I hadn't read the last 2 pages and was unaware that peace had broken out.
No, she's just naturally chatty in the mornings. Used to drive her boyfriend nuts too.
I think I'm really ill-suited to live with people, because I like to be left alone almost all the time. I don't at all mind being written at, but being talked at is like nails on a chalkboard.
Maybe I need to keep a spray bottle on my desk, and as soon as she starts talking I'll squirt her.
:D I do that to my cats sometimes.
My ex talks like that when he's high. When we were first going out, we went to Florida to visit his mom. I had to ask him to please be quiet for a few minutes, that I just needed some silence. He shut up until I told him he could talk again, which was about 5 minutes. Once in a while I still have to tell him he's talking too much. He's a pretty good sport about it though.
Newsflash! Not every comment on this thread is for or directed at you:rolleyes:
But Vana , Its ALL About the TIKI !!!
Well, it
is a thread entitled "Tiki Bitches About..."
Thanks, Dana! I appreciate that. At some point I will be able to finish the upstairs room, in the meantime I have to figure out how to make it more clear that this space is my WORK space and I need to not be disturbed when I'm in here. Because just telling her isn't working... :lol:
This kind of thing can so easily escalate lol. All it takes is handful people to be a little less patient that they normally are, or to reach more readily for offence and we quickly start drawing lines in the sand.
Given that I am apparently mistaken about peace breaking out, I am going to repost the paragraph I deleted:
This whole thing has got woefully personal. I hold my hand up to my part in that, but really...what a ridiculous argument to be having. The whole point of this thread was Tiki wanting to blow off steam about something that was bugging her. It's supposed to be a release not a way of burdening one self with a bunch more aggravation. Now we have insults flying left and right, and everyone is getting agitated. Including me. I don't like agitated.
Please, please, can we all just think about the fucking children just for once?
When I was in the Marines , liveing in a squad bay , think 40 or so guys , every now and then the noise would get to much , i had some flight line head phones , i'd put those on and just ZONE out ,
or if I REALLy got sick of Humanity I would just go away for the week end , it was 10 miles to the beach over the Hills , easy walk , I would just go hide from the MPs that were patrolling for intruders,
the solitude was Verry refreashing ,
exept one morning i was awoken by a Full Marine Amphibious Landing !!! Im talking Ships off shore , helos over head , amphibious landing crafts motering tward the beach , i just grabbed my stuff and faded into the back ground .
oh did I mention this was a Military training area ??
FOR ZIPPYT:
I hope you had on the right uniform! LOL
this thread= that scene in White Men Can't Jump where Rosie tells Woodie that she is thirsty, and then breaks his balls for getting her a glass of water.
Please, please, can we all just think about the fucking children just for once?
:thepain: this is why sex ed needs to be taught in our schools.
Or teach em all to be whiny bitches. Then their odds of having sex at all are fairly narrowed.
... was talking to CM.
Don't bother. I've read enough of your anti-social, selfish shit. Save yourself a few keystrokes. I'm not reading your dribble anymore anyway.
dribble: salivation
drivel: words to be disdained
Salvation: what saves you
Salvation: what saves you
Salvage: What you save.
saliva nation: and now for a musical interlude.
Indignation: uh.....it rhymes?
Don't bother. I've read enough of your anti-social, selfish shit. Save yourself a few keystrokes. I'm not reading your dribble anymore anyway.
You said you weren't reading my posts a while before I posted my response to Jim... do you have a date set for that yet? Or are you playing it by ear?
drivel
I have a new conspiracy theory. Jim is actually an English teacher in disguise. He uses his good-ole-boy car-dealer persona to hide the fact that mistakes in English usage drive him nuts. Remember his semi-colon period? That was to throw us off the track.
Whaddaya think? :tinfoil:
i think you want me. that's what i think
i think you want me. that's what i think
Don't we all? ;)
Tiki, don't be rude and disrespectful. Hopefully you don't treat people in real life like you do here. UT was at first giving helpfull advice, just because you don't want to take it, doesn't make him, or anyone else a jerk. If you don't like it ignore it. Just like you should ignore your roommate. I don't fucking care if you're on the internet, disrespect is disrespect no matter what form it takes. If you would talk to another person in real life like you did to UT, and Dana awhile ago, then you deserve to be slapped. Just because you're typing your disrespect rather than saying it, makes no difference. Its still rude and uncalled for.
i think you want me. that's what i think
I'm just using you to get to Jinx. ;)
:kisspink:Tiki, Oh my God, I think you are my long lost twin!! I read through this thread and kept thinking "Yes! GO Tiki!"
I'd be that pissed too if someone was getting all chatty with me in the morning.
It appears to me that some people are trying to get a rise out of you? You have nothing to defend, your emotions and issues are totally normal and I truly do sympathize.
Oh- by the way- Hi everyone, I'm Dollface. :kisspink:
If you have housemates they're going to annoy you from time to time.
If you post shit about your annoying housemates on the internet, people are going to give you their opinion.
If you don't like those opinions, ignore them. After all, they're just opinions.
FTR, I don't think UT was suggesting you should adjust your boundaries. I think he was telling you that if you've set your boundaries in such a way that others step on them, it's inevitable that you're going to be annoyed. I don't see him telling you to change them. Only that you decided what they are, and your option is to live with your choice, or change it. He then went on to suggest that he has learned that sometimes it's just easier to change your boundaries/expectations than to wish someone else would change theirs to suit you.
If you post schist about your annoying housemates on the internet, people are going to give you their onions.
If you don't like those onions, don't cook with them. After all, they're just onions.
I am thinking personality disorder is the more likely culprit but what do I know? ;)
Bullseye.
Not bad for an amateur.
FTR, I don't think UT was suggesting you should adjust your boundaries. I think he was telling you that if you've set your boundaries in such a way that others step on them, it's inevitable that you're going to be annoyed. I don't see him telling you to change them. Only that you decided what they are, and your option is to live with your choice, or change it. He then went on to suggest that he has learned that sometimes it's just easier to change your boundaries/expectations than to wish someone else would change theirs to suit you.
Exactly how I read it too Ali.
I have a similar situation with my mom, asking her to leave me alone doesn't work though, so I've had no choice except to learn to tune it out. If she asks a question and demands an answer, I usually say "I stopped paying attention." Either she gets pissed and walks off or she repeats the question if it was actually important. She'll talk to me from the other room, and I just say "Can't understand you" and go back to ignoring her.
As a side-note, we do have good and important conversations. She just likes to also try to convert me, or tell me how exactly I should live, that's when I start tuning her out.
:kisspink:Tiki, Oh my God, I think you are my long lost twin!! I read through this thread and kept thinking "Yes! GO Tiki!"
I'd be that pissed too if someone was getting all chatty with me in the morning.
It appears to me that some people are trying to get a rise out of you? You have nothing to defend, your emotions and issues are totally normal and I truly do sympathize.
Oh- by the way- Hi everyone, I'm Dollface. :kisspink:
Yes, chatty people and barking dogs. :rolleyes:
If you have housemates they're going to annoy you from time to time.
If you post shit about your annoying housemates on the internet, people are going to give you their opinion.
If you don't like those opinions, ignore them. After all, they're just opinions.
FTR, I don't think UT was suggesting you should adjust your boundaries. I think he was telling you that if you've set your boundaries in such a way that others step on them, it's inevitable that you're going to be annoyed. I don't see him telling you to change them. Only that you decided what they are, and your option is to live with your choice, or change it. He then went on to suggest that he has learned that sometimes it's just easier to change your boundaries/expectations than to wish someone else would change theirs to suit you.
I had to learn that lesson as well. I learned it from my AA sponsor when I lived in LA. Acceptance and boundaries and expectations are all linked. Boundaries (or lack of them rather) and expectations can make your life misearable if you let them. Acceptance, or learning how to accept people for who they are, helps. Everyone is going to have some habit or thing they do that might drive you crazy. Saying the Serenity Prayer can help in those situations.
All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.
I hate ankle biters too:sniper:
very small yappy dogs
you are three posts from spamming us, aren't you?
All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.
I don't know about that. When I first got sober, saying the Serenity Prayer helped me calm down and put things in perspective. The truth is, you cannot change people. You can only accept them for what they are. If you are in a situation where boundaries can be applied, then make agreements, and hold people responsible for their end of the agreement. If it is a situation where something that bothers you is something you really cannot change or an agreement cannot be reached, you can either: a) accept whatever it is and not be so annoyed, b) get out of the situation, or c) allow things to remain the same and be annoyed. If you really don't want to get out of the situation because it is a minor annoyance and it is something that cannot be changed by making an agreement, acceptance will make you happier in the long run.
All saying the Serenity Prayer does is underline exactly how far from serene the situation has strayed.
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]"
Serenity now! SERENITY NOW!"
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]"What is that?"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]
"The doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say 'serenity now!'"
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]"Are you supposed to yell it?"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][SIZE=3][COLOR=#000000]
"The man on the tape wasn't specific."
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]- Seinfeld
Ha! I yell that at my dad and brothers sometimes. :lol:
Your downside is my bonus effect.
The technical phrase for this is:
It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
Tiki, don't be rude and disrespectful. Hopefully you don't treat people in real life like you do here. UT was at first giving helpfull advice, just because you don't want to take it, doesn't make him, or anyone else a jerk. If you don't like it ignore it. Just like you should ignore your roommate. I don't fucking care if you're on the internet, disrespect is disrespect no matter what form it takes. If you would talk to another person in real life like you did to UT, and Dana awhile ago, then you deserve to be slapped. Just because you're typing your disrespect rather than saying it, makes no difference. Its still rude and uncalled for.
When someone is flippant and disrespectful toward me, I'll tell them so. If they persist, I'll tell them to fuck right off.
So you believe that physical violence is an appropriate response to harsh language? I hope you have no children.
:kisspink:Tiki, Oh my God, I think you are my long lost twin!! I read through this thread and kept thinking "Yes! GO Tiki!"
I'd be that pissed too if someone was getting all chatty with me in the morning.
It appears to me that some people are trying to get a rise out of you? You have nothing to defend, your emotions and issues are totally normal and I truly do sympathize.
Oh- by the way- Hi everyone, I'm Dollface. :kisspink:
Thanks Dollface, I appreciate it!
Bullseye.
Not bad for an amateur.
Yeah, it's obvious that anyone who wants to go about their livelihood uninterrupted has a personality disorder.
I'm curious as to what percentage of the people who think there's something "wrong" with me for being frustrated by having my work constantly interrupted are, themselves, unemployed?
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that it's most of them.
If you have housemates they're going to annoy you from time to time.
If you post shit about your annoying housemates on the internet, people are going to give you their opinion.
If you don't like those opinions, ignore them. After all, they're just opinions.
FTR, I don't think UT was suggesting you should adjust your boundaries. I think he was telling you that if you've set your boundaries in such a way that others step on them, it's inevitable that you're going to be annoyed. I don't see him telling you to change them. Only that you decided what they are, and your option is to live with your choice, or change it. He then went on to suggest that he has learned that sometimes it's just easier to change your boundaries/expectations than to wish someone else would change theirs to suit you.
My housemate has a lot of habits that are annoying, but most of them don't interfere with my ability to be productive, so I let them slide.
For instance:
Her dog sheds everywhere and she rarely vaccuums. Maybe every couple of months.
Spoiled leftovers - I won't go into detail
Her dog eats more than twice as much as mine, but I buy dog food twice as often.
Her cat shits and pisses EVERYWHERE in the basement and she doesn't clean it up.
She tends to leave dirty pots in corners and never clean them out.
She is a junk-hoarder, and one end of the basement is completely packed with garbage that smells like cat pee.
So, you know, I go to vent about the one thing - being yammered at when I'm trying to get set up for work in the morning - that I just can't let slide, and a bunch of people treat me like I'm being unreasonable. :lol:
And it really doesn't matter what UT was TRYING to tell me, what he TOLD me was that I have control issues and should change my boundaries so that being interrupted and distracted while I'm trying to make my living stops bothering me.
Seems like if I was willing to move THAT boundary, I might not still be successfully self-employed, you know? Some boundaries help us accomplish our goals, and continuing to pay my bills is one of mine.
And it really doesn't matter what UT was TRYING to tell me, what he TOLD me was that I have control issues and should change my boundaries so that being interrupted and distracted while I'm trying to make my living stops bothering me.
Well that explains a lot. See, now, to me it matters fundamentally what someone is trying to say. Especially on the internet when we are communicating in text. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are too easy. I'm far more interested in what people are trying to say than the flawed product that most of us end up with when we post.
Also. UT didn't say that. He said something which you interpreted as that. But then a post is a two person job: one to write it and one to process and interpret what's been written.
Well that explains a lot. See, now, to me it matters fundamentally what someone is trying to say. Especially on the internet when we are communicating in text. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are too easy. I'm far more interested in what people are trying to say than the flawed product that most of us end up with when we post.
Also. UT didn't say that. He said something which you interpreted as that. But then a post is a two person job: one to write it and one to process and interpret what's been written.
If
he'd apologized and clarified when I interpreted it that way, I would know what he was actually trying to say, and I would have taken his word for it that I had misinterpreted. However,
he has not, and it really doesn't matter how many third parties re-interpret it differently if he himself does not deny the interpretation I objected to.
Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider.
BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions.
Why should UT apologize for you not getting it? He did go on to clarify his point at which point you lost your crackers. It seems like it's pretty clear to everyone else. I said to my son on the weekend that if everyone else seems to have a problem, maybe you need to look at yourself. Perhaps that's a piece of advice you might consider.
BTW, very few people on this site are unemployed, and quite a number of them work from home and have mentioned issues with domestic distractions. I can't recall anyone getting offended by other dwellar suggestions on how to manage those distractions.
He didn't clarify after telling me I have "issues with control"... he went on to add more insult, which was to suggest that I change my boundaries to accommodate my chatty housemate, and he did it in a rather condescending manner.
I don't think "everyone" has a problem with me, Aliantha. I think it's a few people who are choosing to take sides with the established member and dogpile the newbie. Many have done so in an incredibly offensive, insulting manner... and you're suggesting that the problem lies with me? Because I wanted to vent about a housemate not respecting my boundaries and workspace? For this, I've been accused of being a control freak, having a personality disorder, being crazy, being antisocial, and best of all, for holding the line on my personal boundaries and refusing to be bullied into thinking there's something wrong with me for having them, I've been told I deserve to be
physically assaulted.
All by a few
charming individuals. Not by "everyone else". I haven't been dogpiled like this, let alone over something so innocuous, on any other forum I've been on, including but not limited to pricipiadiscordia.com where they're famous for dogpiling
everyone. Another thought; the majority of people who responded did so with sympathy or humor, totally "getting" that I was just venting about something I feel frustrated by. The few people who responded by telling me that I'm wrong to feel the way I do were, in doing so, showing no respect for me or my boundaries, revealing that THEY have trouble respecting other people's boundaries... which I find interesting. It makes me wonder if my post pushed some of their buttons and made them feel subconsciously defensive about their tendency to disrespect other people's boundaries, which is why they had to go on to defend my housemate (ie. themselves) by telling me I'm wrong/neurotic to want a reasonable lack of interruption in my workspace during working hours.
wow, that's SO deep!
i was just trying to egg you on so you'd flip out some more. I like that.
Well again, just to clarify, I don't think UT was telling you you should change. I believe he was suggesting it might be easier if you did.
If you just wanted people to respond with jokes, maybe you should have included more smilies for context.
If you didn't want advice, regardless if it was well intentioned or not, you could have just ignored those that tried to help in their own way.
Again, I don't see where UT was offensive, and I'd challenge anyone else to find it.
And before you accuse me of dogpiling. That's not my scene. I'm making an individual observation.
Tiki...you were offensive with your second response to UT. You told him to fuck off and I think most people here thought that it was uncalled for. You did the same thing to Dana. These are two people who who are highly respected on this forum, so of course people responded on their behalf. You seem to think you are being dogpiled on when in fact your are the one who started the shit.
[COLOR=White]_________________[COLOR=Black]/[/COLOR]
[/COLOR][COLOR=White]________________[/COLOR]Tiki
I get it Tiki. I don't share your sensitivity to yammering, but I *completely* understand the desire to vent my frustrations to someone who (I imagine) is listening. I understand the release brought by articulating my negative feelings; until I can express them, I can't process them, shed myself of the burden they represent.
*Sometimes*, sometimes, the right person to tell them to is the source of my frustration. Sometimes. But when telling them wouldn't be true and helpful and kind, I refrain. I can hear now the parsings of what is true and helpful and kind--not the point here. Still, I have to get it out of my system. That I get.
The responses here ranged from sincere attempts at helpful advice to deliberate provocation, though no where did I see you ask for advice and I am sure you weren't trolling for a fight. Clearly you handled yourself just fine without my help. I don't have any advice. I don't want to stir the shit. I only wanted to say, as far as I can tell, you're doing fine, especially if this kind of expression has the *net* result of reducing your aggravations. If not, remember there's always the Ignore button.
Whoops, that was perilously close to advice. Well, it works on my posts too. I hope you feel better.
When men have a problem and they tell you about it, they want to know how to fix it.
When women have a problem and they tell you about it, they just want you to listen.
When men have a problem and they tell you about it, they want to know how to fix it.
When women have a problem and they tell you about it, they just want you to listen.
this thread= that scene in White Men Can't Jump where Rosie tells Woodie that she is thirsty, and then breaks his balls for getting her a glass of water.
I used to work with a notorious talker, in an office with about 60 other people. Everyone agreed there was no worse fate than being trapped alone in a room with this woman, and she knew it. She literally could not stop herself, every thought in her head needed to be shared, and would also remind her of the next thing she needed to tell you.... until you were literally in your car rolling up the window and inching away from her as she continued to blab away. Seriously.
My son is a talker. Most of the time it's fine - but sometimes *I* need (or just want) to use my brain and have it all to myself, so I tell him "I need a minute please". If he remembers what pokemon or football player he was telling about later, fine, if not it teaches him that not every thought needs to be shared. I don't answer my cell phone every time it rings either. Sometimes I'm not available.
My housemate has a lot of habits that are annoying, but most of them don't interfere with my ability to be productive, so I let them slide.
For instance:
Her dog sheds everywhere and she rarely vaccuums. Maybe every couple of months.
Spoiled leftovers - I won't go into detail
Her dog eats more than twice as much as mine, but I buy dog food twice as often.
Her cat shits and pisses EVERYWHERE in the basement and she doesn't clean it up.
She tends to leave dirty pots in corners and never clean them out.
She is a junk-hoarder, and one end of the basement is completely packed with garbage that smells like cat pee.
So, you know, I go to vent about the one thing - being yammered at when I'm trying to get set up for work in the morning - that I just can't let slide, and a bunch of people treat me like I'm being unreasonable. :lol:
And it really doesn't matter what UT was TRYING to tell me, what he TOLD me was that I have control issues and should change my boundaries so that being interrupted and distracted while I'm trying to make my living stops bothering me.
Seems like if I was willing to move THAT boundary, I might not still be successfully self-employed, you know? Some boundaries help us accomplish our goals, and continuing to pay my bills is one of mine.
I could not put up with some of those things you listed. It seems like you just need to have to have a heart to heart with her, and tell her what is bothering you.
Yah I bitch about my roomy too. People love that. :( lol!!
But I also don't tell them to Fuck Off when they listen, and advise. I praise anyone that actually even reads my bitching, and moaning.
Did you know Tiki, that listening to your bullshit complaint is just as much a pain in the ass, as your roommate chatting in the morning? You should thank people for listening to this shit. People humoured you by listening to your complaint, and then tried to help. Freak.
I like you Tiki...... Don't be a dumbass.
and remember to...........
I would like to add, miscommunication, or NOT communicating, causes more problems with people than probably anything else. So, communicate! It might make your life a whole lot easier.
Mom!!! LJ's playing with them AGAIN!!!
and remember to...........
EAD
Tiki...you were offensive with your second response to UT. You told him to fuck off and I think most people here thought that it was uncalled for. You did the same thing to Dana. These are two people who who are highly respected on this forum, so of course people responded on their behalf. You seem to think you are being dogpiled on when in fact your are the one who started the shit.
Frankly, I think this has more to do with it than anything else, as I've seen other "highly respected members" tell people to fuck off without anyone raising an eyebrow, let alone suggesting they have a mental illness or should be "slapped".
if I am not told to fuck off at least ONCE a day...I get all anxious.
Actually, I think we should all fuck right off and leave Tiki to it. :)
I get it Tiki. I don't share your sensitivity to yammering, but I *completely* understand the desire to vent my frustrations to someone who (I imagine) is listening. I understand the release brought by articulating my negative feelings; until I can express them, I can't process them, shed myself of the burden they represent.
*Sometimes*, sometimes, the right person to tell them to is the source of my frustration. Sometimes. But when telling them wouldn't be true and helpful and kind, I refrain. I can hear now the parsings of what is true and helpful and kind--not the point here. Still, I have to get it out of my system. That I get.
The responses here ranged from sincere attempts at helpful advice to deliberate provocation, though no where did I see you ask for advice and I am sure you weren't trolling for a fight. Clearly you handled yourself just fine without my help. I don't have any advice. I don't want to stir the shit. I only wanted to say, as far as I can tell, you're doing fine, especially if this kind of expression has the *net* result of reducing your aggravations. If not, remember there's always the Ignore button.
Whoops, that was perilously close to advice. Well, it works on my posts too. I hope you feel better.
Thanks, BigV. :)
Oh and Jim and Brianna can Fuck right off. Pikers.
;)
Yah I bitch about my roomy too. People love that. :( lol!!
But I also don't tell them to Fuck Off when they listen, and advise. I praise anyone that actually even reads my bitching, and moaning.
He had plenty of warning that I thought he was being rude... yet persisted. Most people were kind and helpful or funny... he was not.
Did you know Tiki, that listening to your bullshit complaint is just as much a pain in the ass, as your roommate chatting in the morning? You should thank people for listening to this shit.
"Listening"? You mean "reading"... and no, it's not "just as much of a pain in the ass", because none of you are trapped in a room with me. You have the simple option of not reading it. It's completely optional.
People humoured you by listening to your complaint, and then tried to help. Freak.
I like you Tiki...... Don't be a dumbass.
Calling me a "freak", a "pain in the ass", and a "dumbass" doesn't sound very much like you "like" me, Cicero.
Those are personal insults about who I am as a person... whereas "fuck off" is a harsh way of saying "go away and leave me alone". It's not a personal insult or a judgement about who he is as a person. Yet, the personal insults are fine, and I'm getting raked over the coals for "fuck off". It's a funny dynamic.
Personally I hope UT doesn't fuck off. I'd have nowhere to post anymore if he did.
eta: The rest of you can just go ahead though...:D
I could not put up with some of those things you listed. It seems like you just need to have to have a heart to heart with her, and tell her what is bothering you.
The rest of it I can live with because it doesn't directly impact my livelihood and productivity, and I know it's temporary. Eventually she'll move out.
I have been gently reminding her that I need to work uninterrupted in the mornings. She's gradually doing better about not pestering me when I'm in my office.
I just wanted to vent, which I've since learned not to do here. :lol:
Oh and Jim and Brianna can Fuck right off. Pikers.
;)
ahhhhh. Now i can go and take a nice, hot shower! thanks, potato head!
Personally I hope UT doesn't fuck off. I'd have nowhere to post anymore if he did.
eta: The rest of you can just go ahead though...:D
Oh, you mean you can only post if UT responds to me with insulting "advice"?
That's an odd condition.
Nope, wrong again, but nice try. :)
Oh, you mean you can only post if UT responds to me with insulting "advice"?
That's an odd condition.
UT runs the Cellar Tiki, literally. Doesn't mean any of us have to walk on eggshells around him or anything, just be appreciative of the work he does to keep this place running. I too do not wish for him to "fuck off".
You can all tell me to fuck off and I still won't. I don't give a shit who likes me or hates me here. S'bound to happen. (IRL I desperately need to be liked. Ironically everybody smells this desperation and it makes me unlikeable.)
Why did you invite this person to move in with you in the first place? It seems to me that you should have checked her out thoroughly before you invited her to stay with you. So now you have to live with her. Sorry 'bout that.
COMMUNICATE WITH *THESE*
Talk about sour grapes. LOL!!!
:D
OK. Here's the Off y'all keep talking about. But how are ya gonna fuck it?
You know what? FUCK YOU.
No doubt I do have annoying habits, and she's free to complain to her friends about them. This is MY FUCKING HOUSE and she should at least respect my wish to be left the fuck alone IN MY FUCKING OFFICE in the morning.
I have been a quiet person my whole life and I hate having people make meaningless sounds at me in the morning.
Are you one of those people who can't help trespassing other people's boundaries with your constant, idiotic sound-making? One of those retarded twits who can't fucking stop making noise with your stupid fucking mouth because you're uncomfortable with thought and silence, and if some retarded pointless phrase phrase of babble passes through your empty fucking head it pops straight out of your useless flapping lips?
If yes, take YOUR stupid boundary-crossing control issue and shove it up your ass, fucktard.
When you charge someone rent it becomes their house also.
When you charge someone rent it becomes their house also.
True. But it doesn't cease to be tiki's house. She has a right to privacy in her house, particularly in the room designated as her personal workspace.
People are criticising Tiki for her responses to people's advice, and that's one thing; but suggesting that having invited her friend to live there she loses the right to have a bloody good moan to her mates when said friend is pissing off is just unfair.
It seems to me that Tiki should take this up with her housemate, along with complaining to the Cellar at large.
I think they should tax this thread!
OK. Here's the Off y'all keep talking about. But how are ya gonna fuck it?
I bet that would sting.
But how are ya gonna fuck it?
From the bottom like a
fleshlight [NSFW].
Yeah. But, from her posts it sounds like she has taken it up with her. Some people really can't help but talk. Even when asked. Her friend sounds like she does it without even being aware. Thats difficult. After a talk about it she may well be trying not to do it. But as soon as she relaxes and starts just being herself itll start up again. Difficult to keep raising it eithout sounding like you're getting at her. or just creating an unpleasant atrmosphere or making her feel unwelcome. None of which Tiki wants.
This has been blown out of all proportion because of the tone of the conversation which followed her original post. The thread title should give a clue that this was a conscious vent about something that was bugging her. It was a tongue in cheek title. I daresay had the conversation followed a different path; one which didn;t leave tiki feeling the need to defend her irritation, then it would have been long since dropped, the vent having served its purpose.
Yeah. But, from her posts it sounds like she has taken it up with her. Some people really can't help but talk. Even when asked. Her friend sounds like she does it without even being aware. Thats difficult. After a talk about it she may well be trying not to do it. But as soon as she relaxes and starts just being herself itll start up again. Difficult to keep raising it eithout sounding like you're getting at her. or just creating an unpleasant atrmosphere or making her feel unwelcome. None of which Tiki wants.
This has been blown out of all proportion because of the tone of the conversation which followed her original post. The thread title should give a clue that this was a conscious vent about something that was bugging her. It was a tongue in cheek title. I daresay had the conversation followed a different path; one which didn;t leave tiki feeling the need to defend her irritation, then it would have been long since dropped, the vent having served its purpose.
Bottom line...she overreacted. To take offense and respond derisively so quickly is seriously fucked up. Its her right to do it, but so is our reaction.
oh i agree. just pointing out that there was nothing over the top or inappropriate about her original complaint.
From the bottom like a fleshlight [NSFW].
I'm ordering everyone one of those right away. And I want one too.:)
And also:
Capnhowdy you can fuck off too. You fucking bastard. Kiss my ass and don't post here ever again. You shithead sumbitch. So there.
Umm... how refreshing.
I wonder if this thread would have progressed in the same way had it been posted in "Nothingland"? Or if the OP had been appended to a thread like "What's scorching your groove today?" rather that having a thread of it's own? These factors can also affect responses, in my opinion. Maybe if the issue hadn't seemed so urgent because it was given a thread of it's own in the main forum, maybe people would have been less inclined to advise and more inclined to sympathise?
If one apology is owed, then I doubt it's alone, but Tiki doesn't strike me as an apologizer and I doubt UT needs one.
If I am to blame, it is due to my low EQ, and I'm sorry about that.
For the record, I don't think anybody is actually superior to anyone else. Most of us seem to be pretty fucked up. I know for certain that I am.
No, it's my fault. As a frequenter of Nothingland, I should have reported the initial post of this thread as errant as soon as I saw it in Home Base. That would have changed the tone of the discussion (correctly pointed out by monster). UT ... sorry to disappointment you man ... I fucked up. I apologize to the community.
Its Bush's fault! He should apologize.
You should all apologize while you're fucking right off!
(IRL I desperately need to be liked. Ironically everybody smells this desperation and it makes me unlikeable.)
:headshake Bullshit.
I apologise that I can't apologize.
I apologise that I can't apologize.
If you can't apologise you can just fuck right off then! :D
potato heads!
Tater tits!
gnocchi nuts!
Tweeter twat!
noodley appendage
doesn't invoking the :fsm: kill the thread?
I feel like that cat. Moving things around fo rabsolutely no reason whatsoever, other than to get them out of the lake. And who put it in there in the first place?
I shall Fuck Off, right after I apologize. Sorry. It's all my fault. (I'm off to fuck off now.)
the cat is pushing the watermelon out of the lake for a reason.
cats always have reasons.
I'm still new enough that I don't know all the protocol for topic placement, and I'm sorry if I put this in the wrong sub.
FWIW when I say "fuck off" I am situation-specific. It's another way of saying "Back the fuck off me, man, because you're working me out".
I don't feel like I automatically owe anyone deference wrt my own boundaries because they own the board. That's not how I run my own board, and that's not how I expect things to be.
expectations lead to resentments.
let it go, baby.
That cat can fuck off.
I'm not sure about Morgan Freeman, though.
Ah! must look at lolcats site...
gnocchi nuts!
Coincidentally, me and my friend Sean went out for gnocchi the other night, and I suggested that he put some leftover gnocchi in a baggie in his pants, and during his work evaluation the next day, pull one out and rub it on his face from time to time.
expectations lead to resentments.
let it go, baby.
No.
Would you like a gnocchi?
Oh My GOD, I LOVE I Can Has Cheezeburger!!!!!!!! I subscribe to it, it's so fuckin special. Better than Fuck You Penguin or CuteOverload- by far.
Its Bush's fault! He should apologize.
bwahahahahahahahahaaa :lol2:
I feel left out. No one told me to fuck off. But it's all my fault anyway.
fuck off sugarpop!
There you go. :) Better now?
I'm feeling the love. Thanks Ali! :D
Fuck off Ali! (Just in case...)
omg.. I can't quit laughing at Morgan Freeman. LOL!! :biglaugha:lol:
It's "the look". lol!
omg.. I can't quit laughing at Morgan Freeman. LOL!! :biglaugha:lol:
It's "the look". lol!
We sat and ate cotton candy with the sun on our shoulders and felt like free men. Hell, we could have been tarring the roof of one of our own houses. We were the lords of all creation. As for Andy - he spent that break hunkered in the shade, a strange little smile on his face, watching us eat his cotton candy.
You are going to make me cry. kthnx. I was laughing.....wtf?
Shawnee, do you feel you've been rehabilitated?
Oh hale no! I hope not anyway.
(All I can think in my head is from Raising Arizona: RECIDIVISM!)
Mind you don't cut yourself Mordicai...
Wow - we are the queens of thread drift...tee hee
Fuck off Ali! (Just in case...)
I'll consider myself told then!:eyebrow:
just didn't want you to feel left out...
How's the roomie situation Tiki?
