Dear Cellar:
It was suggested that I post each "Contact Us" to its own thread. Then everybody can answer the message and I can send the answers to the person.
We start
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From
[COLOR=#00681c]: kim @ The Cellar[/COLOR]
Subject: The Cellar Contact Us Form - I have a question
The following message was sent to you via the The Cellar Contact Us form by kim.
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I was thinking about getting a monkey and i was wondering if monkeys are legal in california and if certain types of monkeys are legal in certain states?
Thanks,
Kim
Dear Kim,
I don't think you need a monkey.
The Cellar.
kim,
It realy depends on what you intend to DO with the monkey. If you intend to eat it, it is NOT legal in California, but legal in Kentucky. If you intend to MARRY the monkey, you can only do that in Oklahoma. If you just want to keep it as a pet, you can do that in any state except Mississippi, provided you get a permit.
Bonjour Mme Kim:
Do you have a laaaahzhanzce fhor zat meeenkey?
Bon chance!
Teh Cellar
Dear Kim ,
Don't you like your face?
Dear Kim,
Spanking the monkey doesn't involve an actual monkey.
Offer void where prohibited by law and good taste.
Except in Nebraska.
Monkeys are legal in California, but only for medical purposes.
You may marry your monkey, but only if it is a heterosexual relationship.
Kim,
Thank you for your inquiry. Good luck with your monkey.
Just don't spank it, that can cause blindness - or so I'm told.
Kim,
Nobody 'thinks' about getting a monkey, they just get them on impulse. If anyone 'thought' about them and the hassle they can be, then they'd leave them in their environments and picture-books.
Also, you wouldn't look good in a yellow hat.
Kim,
Monkeys are evil. This is well established fact. Don't be foolish. Get a nice mutt instead. You will be happier.
Kim,
I'd have to see the look on the monkey's face before I would feel comfortable about advising you on purchase.
Love,
Brianna
Dear Kim,
I don't understand the whole pet thing. Seems like slavery to me.
are you going to actually send this back to them? if so, i vote for sweetwater's. the yellow hat bit made me laugh out loud. :2cents:
Dear Kim:
See, the thing about monkeys is...you never really have a monkey; ultimately, the monkey has you.
May I suggest you start with Sea Monkeys and see how that goes?
Sincerely,
Teh Cellar
Dear Kim,
We have a saying: "Monkey see, monkey do." If I have to spell it out for you in plain English that means if your monkey sees you, which is highly probable given that you are his owner and caretaker, then he will feel compelled to do you. Is that really what you want? An inter-species relationship? Please think this through.
Dear Kim-
Please consider buying a houseplant and keeping it alive for at least 2 years. If that works, get a dog and keep it alive as well. Then you may move your way up to a husband, and if that works....You will legally have a monkey in any state.
You don't suppose Kim wants the Cellar monkey, do you? The top of the page would look nekkid without it up there.
I say we send her ALL of these replies. :lol:
I've just pointed her to the thread.
Kim,
Go for the trunk monkey. they're probably not legal anywhere, but hey, like that matters....
[youtube]4HfMUGsniJ8[/youtube]
My suicide class presenter from last week showed us a couple of trunk monkey videos. He used these and other really cool videos to get people back into their seats after breaks. Very few stragglers that way.
He would also scream "Pay attention to me, pay attention to me, it's all about me, I'm an attention whore."
I didn't actually learn anything really new about suicide, I had the class 10 years ago when it was new and the presenter was the guy who developed the class. It was free to attend (homeland security money funded the class) and I had a very entertaining two paid days off work, as well as free lunch and continental breakfast. I did buy my own morning coffee, as I am well familiar with the brew served up at the Fire Academy. One of the important things they train the fire recruits in is how to tolerate fire house coffee. I'm not saying it's bad, but they also train the county's HAZMAT people there.
Kim,
Sure. They are legal in all states, as long as you can provide typewriters for them.
Kim,
Sure. They are legal in all states, as long as you can provide typewriters for them.
Someone tried the experiment.
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]But after a month, the Sulawesi crested macaques had only succeeded in partially destroying the machine, using it as a lavatory, and mostly typing the letter "s".
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][SIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]Eventually the six monkeys - Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan - produced five pages of text which consisted mainly of the letter "s".
But towards the end of the experiment, their output slightly improved, with the letters A, J, L and M also appearing.
However, they failed to come up with anything that remotely resembled a word. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
I like monkeys.
Very funny. Thanks, HM.
This New York Times article couldn't have better timing, Kim.
N.B. The article states that "there are many thousands of pet primates" in the US. I personally would have written it as " . . . thousands of (non-human) pet primates."
When Higgins was 3, he slept with the couple, often awakening Bob in the morning by climbing to the bedroom rafters and dropping onto Bob’s stomach. On one occasion, they got in a wrestling match, and Higgins put one of his “steel-like fingernails” through Bob’s scrotum.
game over man
Someone tried the experiment.
But after a month, the Sulawesi crested macaques had only succeeded in partially destroying the machine, using it as a lavatory, and mostly typing the letter "s".
Eventually the six monkeys - Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan - produced five pages of text which consisted mainly of the letter "s".
But towards the end of the experiment, their output slightly improved, with the letters A, J, L and M also appearing.
However, they failed to come up with anything that remotely resembled a word.
This is why an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite amount of time is specified.
It was suggested that I post each "Contact Us" to its own thread. Then everybody can answer the message and I can send the answers to the person.
We start
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From[COLOR=#00681c]: kim @ The Cellar[/COLOR]
Subject: The Cellar Contact Us Form - I have a question
The following message was sent to you via the The Cellar Contact Us form by kim.
------------------------------
I was thinking about getting a monkey and i was wondering if monkeys are legal in california and if certain types of monkeys are legal in certain states?
Thanks,
Kim
Dang UT. She sent you this via the Contact Us page? I thought that was for Cellar-related stuff.
BTW, thanks for correcting my login info.
Monkeys ARE Cellar related.
:eek:
CHIMP ATTACK VICTIM'S FAMILY SUES FOR $50 MILLION
The family of a Connecticut woman brutally mauled last month by a 200-pound chimp that went bonkers is seeking a staggering $50 million in damages against the primate's owner.
Charla Nash's relatives filed a lawsuit in Stamford Superior Court today against Sandra Herold, which accuses her of negligence and recklessness for owning "a wild animal with violent propensities, even though she lacked sufficient skill, strength and/or experience to subdue the chimpanzee with necessary."
The Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, where Nash is currently being treated, said the 55-year-old woman lost her nose, lips, eyelids and hands during the Feb. 16 attack in Stamford.
Doctors said Nash, who remains medically sedated in critical condition, also suffered brain damage and may be a candidate for a face transplant due to her extensive injuries.
Herold told police immediately after the incident that the pet, named Travis, was rambunctious that day and that she gave it Xanax, a drug prescribed to people for anxiety, to calm him down.
She called Nash to her home because the chimpanzee had gotten out of the house and Herold needed help getting him back inside.
Herold, 70, has since said she did not give the primate Xanax.
The 15-year-old chimp was eventually shot and killed by police, who are weighing whether to file criminal charges against Herold.
Joseph Gerardi, a lawyer representing Herold, would only say that his client was named as a defendant in the legal documents.
Travis, a former TV star, had appeared in commercials for Coca-Cola and Old Navy.
Travis lived like most people - and even took his own bath and drank wine from a stemmed glass. He also brushed his teeth and watched TV.
Connecticut cops had dealt with Travis in the past, including a 2003 incident when he escaped from his owners' vehicle in downtown Stamford for two hours.