Rest easy pops
This morning I went to the hospital with my mum and my brother and held dad's hand whilst he died.
I'll post a little more later. I was ok til I started typing. I'm ok, I'm not coming apart. It's not a devastating blow. It's the end of a journey begun a few years ago; one we could see coming, though you can never be quite sure when. He fought. He saw twice as many Christmases as they'd predicted, three times even. Just recently, maybe a couple of weeks, not even that, his best friend died. I think he gave up a little after that. There wasn't much left to take joy in, when every breath's a battle and thoughts are scattered by lack of oxygen. And the person he felt closest to no longer there.
Sleep now, Dad. Rest easy. It's over.
Very sad Dana. Take care of yourself.
I'm sorry, Dana. Be there for your Mum and your brother; I hope they are there for you.
My condolences to you and your family, Dana.
I'm sorry, Dana. Warm thoughts to you and your family.
Very sorry to hear that Dana - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Thankyou.
Y'know, it's funny, when I got home, this was the first place I headed to. *smiles*
I don't know, and don't care, whether this is the 'best' forum on teh interwebz, it's (you've) helped me rationalize and cope with troubled and troubling times. Like when Dad was still living in his cluttered wreck of a house, with no water supply, newly diagnosed with COPD and not coping. The three in the morning worries, the two in the morning phone calls and mad rushes to the hospital. |Talking through things here helped. That seems a mad time ago now.
Random fond memory of Dad: I'm 9 years old or thereabouts and we're walking through the park in the dead of night looking for bats and owls. We walk along the prom with its row of stately statues and Dad tells me the story of the White Lady, and the mysterious extra statue that appears only at night and only out of the corner of your eye. We stop and sit on a bench overlooking the sweeping slope and Dad opens up the thermos flask and pours us both hot tea. We are well wrapped in our winter coats and warming our hands on the plastic cups. Dad spots a hedgehog, ambling along the path. We watch it for a while until it vanishes under the bushes.
On the way home we see a bat fly right past us. I can't recall what he told me...probably the latin name for the bat and something about their habits. We continue our walk home, lighting our way through the dark paths with our sturdy torches. I recall we laughed. Dad played his harmonica. Not loud, just a low lament, western style.
I'm so sorry to hear that Dana.
I'm so glad that people here can help you. And keep remembering those fond memories!
I'm very sorry to hear of this, Dana.
Let the good memories you shared together warm your heart.
Random fond memory of Dad: I'm 9 years old or thereabouts and we're walking through the park in the dead of night looking for bats and owls. We walk along the prom with its row of stately statues and Dad tells me the story of the White Lady, and the mysterious extra statue that appears only at night and only out of the corner of your eye. We stop and sit on a bench overlooking the sweeping slope and Dad opens up the thermos flask and pours us both hot tea. We are well wrapped in our winter coats and warming our hands on the plastic cups. Dad spots a hedgehog, ambling along the path. We watch it for a while until it vanishes under the bushes.
On the way home we see a bat fly right past us. I can't recall what he told me...probably the latin name for the bat and something about their habits. We continue our walk home, lighting our way through the dark paths with our sturdy torches. I recall we laughed. Dad played his harmonica. Not loud, just a low lament, western style.
Awesome. This is what a person is.
My thoughts are with you and your family, Dana.
Peace.
Oh Dana! I'm so sorry for your loss, but glad that you were there for him at the last.
Cherish those memories of happy times with him - take them out often and polish them - admire them and share them.
Hugs to you and your family at this sad time.
I'm so sorry Dana. Take care.
Sorry, Dana.
Let the memories console you. Nothing can ever take these away.
Hugs! I am sorry for your loss. I really had no idea all of that was going on with your pop! Give Pilau a hug for me too. :)
But you know us, we are always here......So if you need anything.
It sounds like your Dad was a good guy and you had a good relationship with him. That's something to treasure even now.
Peace be with you.
I'm very sorry for your loss, Dana. Sending hugs and peace to you and your family.
I can only add my sorrys to everyone else's Dana. It's a tough thing to go through. Stay strong, but don't forget to take some time for yourself. My thoughts are with you mate.
I'm sorry Dana, keep your chin up.
Sorry to hear your bad news, be thinking about you :grouphug:
Sorry for your loss, Dana. Take care. Hold on to those dear memories.
My condolences Dana. Thank you for sharing that one memory. For giving us a glimpse into his goodness and his relationship with you.
This morning I went to the hospital with my mum and my brother and held dad's hand whilst he died.
Fitting and proper and sad. I've been in that chair myself--it wasn't pleasant. But it did have a definite sense of closure about it. I'm glad to hear you sounding as together as you do, for whatever reason. That's a good thing. I'm very sad to hear about your loss, even though it was graceful.
...And the person he felt closest to no longer there.
reminds me of this...
When I Get Where I'm Going
by Brad Paisley (Feat. Dolly Parton)
When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.
I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain
(Chorus)
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.
I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.
(Chorus)
So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.
But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.
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Oh dana, that's awful. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you feel like we can help. Just let us know if there is anything else we can do.
RIP
Blue skies, Dana's Dad.
My best to you and yours Dana.
When someone lives in your heart they will never die. Take care of yourself. Peace to you and your family.
My condolences to you and your family.
I'm sorry for your loss Dana. Condolences and hugs to you and your family from one who has also been there. Be assured that your Dad will always be with you.
So sorry for your loss, Dana. I'm glad you could be with him.
Well most of us rock. I think I have more a roll going on at the moment though...with a bit of waddle added just for good measure. ;) (I hope this comment isn't inappropriate. Just wanted to put a smile on Dana's face maybe)
Ali....does that mean you are now officially a weeble?
Maybe...but I relate more to teletubbies. ;)
lol...I now have an image of you with a tv in your belly. I can imagine it showing pics of baby :P
you just brought a tear to my eye Dana, not because of the sadness, but because of the joy of that 9 year old memory. Sooo much like me and my dad who I lost two years ago. The Latin name for the bat part made me look up and say, "See dad, you're not the only one." Bet they're sharing some tea in a park somewhere right now smiling down on us.
*smiles* that's a beautiful thought. Off to the Great Park in the Sky :P
He would be glad to see you cherishing your memories together, Dana. You do him a great service, the best any of us could hope for.
I could have done better by him the last few months. I never was much good atthe regular phone calls. I'd remember I hadn;t phoned him for awhile, but realise it was too late at night, then forget again. Weeks or even months might go by. By the same token, he wasn't phoning me :P We were always quite alike in some ways lol.
I had been meaning to phone him this last time for about a month, maybe longer. He knew what I was up to 'cause mum told him. I knew where he was at 'cause mum told me.
I am not bashingmyself or going on a guilt trip. We were what we were with each other. I was distracted and my mind on other things. I do regret not phoning him this last two weeks, after his best friend died. To be honest on that occasion it wasn't my usual lack of thought so much as not knowing what to say, and being unsure around the subject. I don't know (and never will) the nature of their relationship. I don't know if he lost a best friend, or something a little more.
This isn't winding me up or playing overmuch on my mind. I was there at the end and I do believe he heard me. I also regret not visiting on Sunday, when we found out he'd been in hospital for two days. My eczema was (and indeed still is) on the verge of, or at the beginning of, a nasty infection. Given that Dad has had MRSA in the last couple of years, I feared the risk factor and stayed home whilst mum and mart went over.
Again, this isnt a source of guilt. I had good reason for staying back. That I have since weighed the risk differently and made that decision moot, doesn't change that. But I do regret it. Because he was conscious and aware.
This is the thing with his kind of disease. He would go from crisis to crisis with 'well' periods in between. In and out of intensive care. One day we're racing across the Pennines hoping to make it before he slips away and the next he's sitting up in bed chuckling at the cards his grandkids had made and making arrangements for going home.
It breeds a kind of complacency. You know each time it might be The One. But because it never is, you don't fully believe that it ever will be.
At the end of the day, I was there and he knew it. Mart was there and he knew it. Mum was there and he knew it.
Dana, glad you were able to be will him. His struggles are over now and you're doing the right thing by remembering him as he was when you had fun together. I'm sorry for your loss.
Just found this thread, A Little late, but please add my condolences to the long list from your friends. Future birthdays will be a little more poignant.:(
We're arranging Dad's funeral for next Friday (a little later than might be normal, but there are several people who'd like to make it but wouldn't be able to if it was this week or early next). He's having a humanist service, and will be cremated in an eco-coffin. It's biodegradable thick cardboard which we're having painted with honey bees and hives, grass and flowers and a blue sky. His name will appear across a hive.
I think he'd have liked that. A gardener and a beekeeper is how most of us remember him.
Well, here I am, massively late to an important thread as usual.
The loss of a parent is probably one of the most significant events in a person's life. At least, it was for me. It doesn't matter how old you ever get, you are always the child of your parents. You will always be the product of their wisdom and their ignorance, their joys and their pains.
I was incredibly fortunate to have had an absolutely wonderful mother. My dad...eh, not so much, but at least he was absent and dismissive instead of present and abusive. So I got lucky even there.
I wasn't able to be at my mother's side when she passed, and for that I will always be sad. I take comfort in the fact that our last hours together were familial and enjoyable as we celebrated her birthday before she left for her lake house, where she passed at the age of 56. I'll always miss her.
Dana, my deepest condolences on the loss of your father. It sounds like you're doing very well in the face of one of life's greatest adversities.
We're arranging Dad's funeral for next Friday (a little later than might be normal, but there are several people who'd like to make it but wouldn't be able to if it was this week or early next). He's having a humanist service, and will be cremated in an eco-coffin. It's biodegradable thick cardboard which we're having painted with honey bees and hives, grass and flowers and a blue sky. His name will appear across a hive.
I think he'd have liked that. A gardener and a beekeeper is how most of us remember him.
That sounds beautiful Dana. I don't think we have those sorts of options here. What a wonderful way to show off someone's life.
I'll be thinking of you on the day. Are you doing a eulogy?
I love the arrangements, Dana. Very fitting, sensible and beautiful.
My condolences as well. I am sorry I missed this.
I could have done better by him the last few months. I never was much good atthe regular phone calls. I'd remember I hadn;t phoned him for awhile, but realise it was too late at night, then forget again. Weeks or even months might go by. By the same token, he wasn't phoning me :P We were always quite alike in some ways lol.
Wow. Once again, sounds like we had the same kind of relationships with our dads. He wasn't the perfect father - far from it. But I loved him anyway, and still do. Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of when my dad took his own life - Monday would have been his birthday. Here's a piece of cake dad.
