What if our dads were in charge of the bailouts?

MonkeyBoy and I were noting the unfairness of the various, no-strings government bailouts, while over the past year or so, we have been generally unsuccessful in obtaining any "bailouts" of our own. But these are the times that build true character, of course. Or so dear old Dad likes to say...

So, you know that phone commercial, "What if deliverymen were in charge of schools?" Well, we were inspired to come up with our own scenario.


What if our dads were in charge of the corporate bailouts?

“I don’t want to give you that much money. You’ll just blow it on crap.”

“Tell me who you owe money to, and I’ll write checks to them.”

“Let me know when you’re ready to buy equipment/open a new branch/hire some people, and I’ll pay for part of it."

“I’ll give you the money, but I’m also sending you this excellent book on how to run a business. You have to promise me you’re going to read it first.”

“Instead of going to The Palm, go to the grocery store, to the prepared foods counter. You can feed four people for twelve dollars.”

“Instead of getting a caterer for your breakfast meeting, go to the deli and get the day-old bagels. They’re half-price."

I don’t have that kind of money just ready to give out. It’s all tied up in my retirement account."

“Why? Don’t you have a job?”

“No.”

:D

Makes more sense than what the R's did and the D's are doing 3x over right now.

He told you to lend money to who? And if he told you to throw yourself off a cliff?

Dad: You'll have to talk to your mother about that.

Mum: I warned you didn't I?
I said we wouldn't be able to help if things went wrong.
We'll do what we can but it won't be much.
Have you thought about hospital cleaning in the evenings?

I have no idea what my father would have said if I had asked him for money. I never did, in the 17/21 years I was in their care.
Though they did pay for room, board and books while I was in college.

Shawnee's Dad:

Well, you can work for bailout money...you're old enough to get a job somewhere, or you can work around the house for me. (Shawnee leaves skid marks getting to the nearby produce farm after envisioning filing down the grass blades by hand and painting the fence 6 times.)

I honestly have no idea what my dad would say.

But before he said it, he'd get this pained look on his face and look away for about two seconds as if he were thinking, "Damn, I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue."

Honestly, my dad would say to me, "Alright, well let's talk about how much you need and how in the world you got into this situation."

But to my brother, he'd laugh and say, "Ah... no."

I never got any money from my folks growing up. By the time we were old enough to need money, we were working. So we either had it to spend or didn't.

My Dad would say, "Just go bankrupt then you can move in with me and pick mangos for a living".

My Dad would have super-sized our mid-east war with the excess cash.

My dad would have told them to go pound salt and then kicked them in the cunt.

You? He'd give you the shirt off his back.
Me? He'd tell me to get a job and that I didn't have a rich uncle who was about to die.

My dad would give me anything that was in his power to give me.

But if he was in charge of corporate bailouts? He probably would have told them to rot in hell, and to not bend over when they dropped the soap. :D

My dad:

"You got yourself into this mess, get yourself out. That's your bag of rocks to carry."