Day 1- Dr Livingstoned's journal
I have walked for many days. I'm hoping that the others can find me.
I have decided to strike a base camp here, in the hopes that the rest of the party can catch me up.
Yolamba (my pack boy) fell the other day crossing the great river to the east. I was forced to eat his remains, for sustenance and use his skull as a tea kettle to warm myself in this cold environment.
Still, jolly on and all that.
I shall map this location, and look about and see if I can make contact with any of the natives.
It looks to be a barren and inhospitable place.
If I cannot locate the rest of the party I only hope that someone stumbles upon my frozen corpse and finds these notes usefull.
god save the Queen,
Dr. Livingstoned.
:headshake :eyebrow: :blah: :crazy: :comfort: :welcome: :bolt: :folks: :ggw: :hide: :mock: :stickpoke :bonk: :eyeball: :eek3: :unsure: :mg: :eek:
might have some potential here.
Welcome to the Jungle, Doc.
It looks to be a barren and inhospitable place.
You could be right. It looks like Yorkshire.
It also looks like Kenny Everett ... :eyebrow:
It also looks like Kenny Everett ...
... before he died.
I really want more of Doc Livingstone's Excellent Adventures. That was pretty darn funny.
Yolamba made me snort.
Welcome to The Cellar. Just don't drop your keys if you do kick to fark.com before you bend over to pick them up.:rasta: :fsm: :welcome: :bong: Watch out for Lumberjim.
i immediately thought this was a sock puppet of foot3. but i'm not sure.
if you are a real newb....watch out for fargon..he just comes here every day....he doesn't even work here, really.
You could be right. It looks like Yorkshire.
Oy!
Nice to have you on board for all the excitement, eh Livingstone! You seem a straight up sort of fellow.
Stoned post & run - prolly never to be seen again. Too bad too, it was rather funny.
[SIZE="2"][COLOR="White"](shhh I'm baiting here)[/COLOR][/SIZE]
maybe he r-u-n-n-o-f-t....
Or got turned into a toad.
Well, well, Dr. Livingstoned. I have caught up with you at last! I know you tried to ditch all of us back at that crazy thinkers camp but we caught your scent very quickly. This camp looks like it will do nicely. Would you mind passing the tea. I'm parched from the long trek through the jungle.
You should pray that Uday doesn't catch up with us this time. Lord knows what he'd do to a place like this.
You will be killed by the IP's.
Got one on the line methinks...
I can see the thread title now:
Group of jungle trekkers banned by request.....of administrator....
eh, let them all cannibalize each other.
Is that the updated version of Let them eat cake?
I dunno, I reckon the good doctor could be a valuable part of the cookie exchange program...
Oh nononononono......!
Newbs don't get to eat Pie. Good gracious, I've been here 4 years now and haven't got to the front of that queue yet.
SG, if I'm on the right side of the Atlantic any time soon, you're at the top of my list! :D
i immediately thought this was a sock puppet of foot3. but i'm not sure.
if you are a real newb....watch out for fargon..he just comes here every day....he doesn't even work here, really.
Dr Livingstone, I presume, is indeed a sock puppet. ;)
I don't think it's foot3.
not crescent fresh enough?
greetings fellow explorer
i will send word back to the academy that i have found you and located the camp, after a bit of rest i will have a look around
Feels like the Cellar is being invaded by a frisbee golf game that is just playing through.
They are having fun. It's almost like a sort of an internet safari.
So to speak.Looks pretty cool and it sounds like they're having fun. Welcome to the cellar folks.
Plan of Attack: Brainstorm
"NEWS TEAM, ASSEMBLE!!!"
Wherever we decide to explore, we should have an "intro" thread where we all make an initial appearance. Think of it as the opening credits to our TV show "....And Payne as Dr. Phineas T Poxswattle." *Payne poses*
We'll dick around on the forum, but most of the time, when something relevant is "happening", it'll happen in our intro thread. So as a brainstorm...
we all show up as safari explorers. In our intro thread we comment about the long dangerous trip through the internet, and the awful atrocities we've witnessed (you know like Goatse). We're looking for Dr. Livingstoned, who is lost on the internet. Smalltalk smalltalk adlib, etc
The next day, someone makes an alt of a "native forumite". He shows up in our thread and gives us some clues as to where Dr. Livingstoned is. Maybe he's been sighted viewing some other thread on the board.
Anyway, when we're ready to draw the antics to a close, Dr. Livingstoned shows up in our intro thread and we all shake his hand. Having recovered our teammate, we can leave this god-forsaken place. Then, before we leave, we'll post a link to the next message board we're exploring.
If we meet anyone supercool we'll link them to our forum.
anyone want to riff on this?
what a cool idea. supercool.
Now they know that we know what they know.
Dr. Livingstoned! Sorry I'm late; I meant to show up earlier but I was detained by a ferocious jungle bureaucrat.
i wanna go on the next trip!
Jolly good show chaps, post approval is a bit of a bother, but the rest of the lads from the royal academy will make there way into camp once we figure it out.
"Draw a £1000 pounds now; and when you have gone through that, draw another thousand, and when that is spent, draw another thousand, and when you have finished that, draw another thousand, and so on; but, find Livingstone!"
— charge given Henry Morton Stanley in October 1869 by James Gordon Bennett
I hate that feature myself. Everytime i register a sockpuppet/dual/alt, I have to wait for UT or bruce to notice it, and clear me.
It is the only thing that works for the amount of spammers that come to call though.
How long have you been on safari, Sir John?
::: passes a flask of cellar whiskey:::
How many forums will you visit this trip out?
I hope that the wilds of Darkest Pennsylvania do not prove too much for them. They've already lost their mildly expendable porter, and may need all of their massed strength to confront the dreaded wild beasts that here abound.
I thought that the White Man's Burden was not supposed to include his own luggage?
we are doing back to back safaris this time so some of the blokes will be tired from the travel (bit of whisky hits the spot), we set camp at one tribe of Internet natives at a time and strike out to explore.
this does seem a friendly group i am quite taken with the hospitality and whiskey is always a proper pick me up for an intrepid explorer.
is this person one of your expedition scouts?
http://cellar.org/showpost.php?p=523448&postcount=78
i don't recall the name but the academy sends out new fellows after every trip so it is bloody hard to tell
we like visitors.
We must have you for dinner. Maybe when the rest of you arrive.
this does seem a friendly group i am quite taken with the hospitality and whiskey is always a proper pick me up for an intrepid explorer.
Watch out, man! He's just trying to soften you up for some nefarious purpose. Or somebody else's nefarious purpose.
We have extras.
We must have you for dinner.
Spoken like a true native. :D
not the first cannibal tribe we have visited , but i will send word back to the team to warn them, now where is that porter ( you don't suppose he has already been eaten do you?)
I don't think being eaten is the big problem. Remain seated, and nobody should get hurt.
No sudden movements.
attempts to flee
Stopped by natives with shields and spears, no blood drawn, yet.
well, when you phrase it 'attempt to flee' it seems like you don't think you'll succeed. anyway, at this point, here around the fire it's much safer than trying to traverse the wild in the dark. You could fall into a pit, or get bit by a snake, or buttfucked in the mouth by Flint if you go out there now.
merc, wolf....where is your sense of hospitality?
please don't eat the men in the funny hats. It's not nice. Do you want the genital cuff again?
I start with eating the heart, that way their soul can't haunt me. I'll leave the ball sack for others.
hunker down in camp and keep the blunderbuss close at hand, there was a native handing out whisky earlier if you cant find him i will break into the gin ration early...
backs away from the spears and helps get the water to boil for tea
Sorry, I got a bit lost and then I lost the water bags. I refilled them at the little creek in the jungle... the water was moving, so it's probably good.
Don't mind the color or the chunky bits.
At least we don't have a new thread today.... hell we're still on day one.
...pours scotch and sharpens spear....
Pip pip, fellows! Quite a lively village this is, what?
Anyone for a bit of egg and toast? I'm famished! However, the good news is that I've managed to retrieve my camera fro Uday. That ruffian was about to pitch it in the river when I caught up to him! I shan't tell you what I had to promise him to get him to turn it over to me, but I'll advise you all to keep a firearm near your cots, if you know what I mean.
Here we are....
this one....well, the bottle is dusty, but the liquor is clean:
And the women are national-geographic HAWT.
'cept most of the nipples don't point at the ground
and some wear chocolate instead of grass.
What friendly fellows they are here! I've done a bit of scouting and find that this village seems to be extraordinarily altruistic toward one another... rather a trait we could stand to adopt back home, if I do say.
Go ahead and post, Sir Nigel.
Hallo good Captain! It's a pleasure to meet you! I've been trying to post, but it's most extraordinary... dunno if I'm losing my touch, but I can't see my posts after a moment or so. I'm dearly looking forward to exploring the rest of the village, it looks like rather a charming location.
Coconuts. Always wearing coconuts. And flower garlands. And the skulls of the vanquished.
pass the bottle over here, please.
::: ahh. warms me on the inside :::
Enough already. Recipe time.
First, marinade your explorer in whiskey, then tenderize slowly Use a Flint/LJ combination for best results. Peel, wrap in bacon, spit-roast over a burning pillow. Bon appetit.
Oh dear. I seem to have been locked outside of camp. Can someone let me in?
*Looks around through the bars of the gate*
Enough already. Recipe time.
First, marinade your explorer in whiskey, then tenderize slowly Use a Flint/LJ combination for best results. Peel, wrap in bacon, spit-roast over a burning pillow. Bon appetit.
:eek: On second thought, I'd rather stay out here.
Enough already. Recipe time.
First, marinade your explorer in whiskey, then tenderize slowly Use a Flint/LJ combination for best results. Peel, wrap in bacon, spit-roast over a burning pillow. Bon appetit.
Must have bacon. Lots of bacon. Maybe we could use the bacon we brined from the back-strap of the last explorers?
Come on in. And bring Sir Nigel with you.
Yes, yes.... Where is that bloody Nigel? He was supposed to be bringing the lamp oil and irst aid kit this time.
was going to post this in the potd but was unable to
http://www.ohmibod.com/Very Sorry for being late!
I seem to have lost the contents of three water bags so I had to stop and refill them all. It is good water, do not mind the color or the chunks of ... stuff.
I had to stop and refill these waterbags. There was a nice river in the jungle back there, you know. Do not worry about the color or the little chunks of things. I drink this water myself!
Well ello there fellow explorers, it took me a while to catch up but here i am! has anybody collected any interesting tidbits of data yet? I am particularly interested in the sense of humour of the locals wot wot.
not the first cannabis tribe we have visited , but i will send word back to the team to warn them, now where is that porter ( you don't suppose he has already been eaten do you?)
No wonder you're all eatin' each other!
:eek:
Goodness me, a tribe of cannibals?
Most fascinating, wot wot! I daresay I might just partake of this strange cultural practice, just this once, in the name of science.
For those of you who need aid, there is a doctor in the house, albeit an eye doctor. For those in need, he's the best there is round here.
jolly good, sir ralph right glad to see you in camp...
Classic! These men show signs of the early stages of Beriberi, but they don't need a doctor. They just need a good hearty steak with plenty of iron and B-vitamins. I have ordered the chef to defrost some of our finest, and tonight's feast will include green leafy salads in vinagrette, as well as the mash of root vegetables.
Oh dear! There seems to be some strange supernatural goings on around here. It appears as if Sir Nigel fell into a mystical wormhole and arrived before he arrived. Very puzzling indeed!
i'd like the safari team to join us in chat please. the link is at the bottom right of this page. i have supplies and maps available for trade. It is so seldom that we get news from the outside world....
If you're watching your thread, you're requested to join us around the fire in chat
Classic! These men show signs of the early stages of Beriberi, but they don't need a doctor. They just need a good hearty steak with plenty of iron and a BJ.
I thought that wasn't due til Valentines Day?
Yes, yes.... Where is that bloody Nigel? He was supposed to be bringing the lamp oil and irst aid kit this time.
Terribly sorry! I got waylaid by themost delightful Native girl... but never mind that, here's the lamps and a crate of kippers.
Sorry I missed the fireside chat... tut, tut... but there's always tonight!
Kippers! Lovely.
Got any jam?
... for the scones?
You did bring scones, right?
The coffee is about ready. Tea for the guests.
I loves da tea, gimmie some tea and ya'lls good!
Don't want to spoil the mood, but...
FYI: Over at AudioGalaxy, Michael (owner) has threatened that all accounts will be unverified unless users help test an updated version of the satellite (file-trading software that got him in hot water with the R|AA). Many users are migrating to less dangerous territories. Flint made a dramatic "I'm leaving" thread that spawned a spirited debate about whether people should come over to the Cellar. And then these guys showed up...I'm just sayin'
They aint gettin no cherries on this board. We've seen this before.
Storyline aint bad either.
the expedition seems rather....sparse at this stage.... were the directions really bad, or is travel perlious?.....
bad maps and perilous travel, and moderated first posts, tough trip so far lads but if you are patient perhaps this safari may get up and running yet i will send word back one more time, my rations are getting low before we have even begun...
big crew in chat, sir john....do pop in and have a .....pop, whay hey?
by day 5 we should have things good and proper
PIP PIP get to work spags
... for the scones?
You did bring scones, right?
Well, not a bad idea.
But just trying to sort the men from the boys - kippers and jam is proper explorer food.
Better even than pemmican - except it doesn't last as long...
That's why they have to source some long pig.
Flint.... Shoot. Not another AG invasion.
I'm barely over the last one.
Kippers! Lovely.
Got any jam?
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BRITISH FOOD. WHAT SENSIBLE PEOPLE PUT JELLY ON STINKY DRIED FISH. EVEN NORWEGIAN FOOD MAKES MORE SENSE THAN THIS!
lol @ wolf!
I'm picky anyway...I would starve to death over there. :)
Wait, these fish/jelly eaters are the same people who freak out about the merkin pot-luck plates where the fruit salad might make contact with the lasagna???
who the fuck puts jam on fish? Sundae's off her blooming rocker! Now fish paste on fruitcake, that's a different matter :lol: (still bloody disgusting)
Flint.... Shoot. Not another AG invasion.
I'm barely over the last one.
I think the Cellar snow globe needs a shake-up right now. I welcome our new semi-sentient overlords.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND BRITISH FOOD. WHAT SENSIBLE PEOPLE PUT JELLY ON STINKY DRIED FISH. EVEN NORWEGIAN FOOD MAKES MORE SENSE THAN THIS!
Kippers ent dried! They're fried!
Wait, these fish/jelly eaters are the same people who freak out about the merkin pot-luck plates where the fruit salad might make contact with the lasagna???
Lasagne & fruit salad is weird, admit it. Partly because it's not even planned.
who the fuck puts jam on fish? Sundae's off her blooming rocker!
To be fair, I've never had it. It comes from a Cockney song (ditty) my Grandad used to sing. Apparently it was a popular dish back in them days. But from what I can gather, jam might have refered to chutney (a savoury concoction). I like kippers, but I'd rather have a bloater...
I'd rather have a [COLOR=black]bloater[/COLOR]...
No idea what that is, but :yeldead:! Ugh!
Beans and toast, the best British food for it surpasses ramen noodles in protein.
Kippers ent dried! They're fried!
well, they're cured by smoking which does make them drier than regular fish. They're very greasy though, it's best ti grill/broil them (microwave works well too). i've never known anyone to fry kippers, perhaps that's a southerners' thing? Dana? i have some kippers in my freezer. i fear they need rescuing and discarding now, though -the one I defrosted the other day was past it's best :(
drift...drift....
& meanwhile back outa the jungle, the expedition lumbers.
I think it's safe to say that -while the explorers exhibited qualities rarely seen in posters of their ilk- they were no match for the cellar and have been or will soom be assimilated or eaten. or buttfucked in the mouth :p
yeah, nice concept....piss poor execution, at least so far.....
i'd like to know which of them came up with the idea....or if it was borrowed...
Bullshit makes the flowers grow
i've never known anyone to fry kippers, perhaps that's a southerners' thing? Dana?
Mum says we only used to fry them when we were camping. When we had them at home they were grilled. Spot the person who had never cooked her own kippers! :blush:
All of them sounded fairly intelligent except for the fnord fuck. But even he is ecologically aware. He's trying to make some flowers grow somewhere.
actually,
their board seems pretty cool. maybe instead of invasions we could have an exchange program.....except..they already have a 'Cain'
but I don't wanna go to Principia. [/whiny voice]
i thought this was a road trip...
should we plan a counter invasion? we could capture all their women while the hunters are trying to get past the 1st post moderation traps.
good one. :D
SO....the principia discordia forum is down for maintenance....seems an inconvenient time for that, what with the big influx scheduled for today.
Maybe they're like the tooth fairy, and if you know they're coming, and stay up to wait for them...they'll never show?
Journal Entry-
Ack, cut off from the academy. Have eaten the last of the sherpas and the gin is running low. Must find the others...
mad jack i dare say this has been the strangest safari ever, livingstone was found the expedition was scattered, and now the academy is out of contact, stiff upper lip we must push on wot wot
My offer of mash of root vegetables has gone unnoticed. I would have prepared them with garlic, butter, and thyme. Let them starve.
one must be wary of offers of strange foods in strange lands, but given our safaris low rations, cut off status and lack of resupply, i will take you up on your kind offer dear native forum dweller
There you go, Sir J. I will have the cook return to duty.
thank you thank you, hits the spot nicely
Dr Livingstoned's Journal:
Week two:
After passing out due to sunstroke, brought on by being out in the noon day sun, I have awoken to find my good friends and colleagues Sir John & Sir Nigel have found my base camp! It would appear that they were chased out of "Free Thinker" territory by a rabid band of crazed Reptiod worshiping natives. . . I only hope that they have lost the scent.
I rejoice heartily, for to stave off starvation, I had already eaten my boots, three of my toes and my left ear!
With them they are sure to have brought supplies of Tea & kippers. I only hope that there will be jam today ...
I feel, that after I have broke my fast, I will strike out to some of the deeper threads here, to see if I can find any ancient temples, treasures or lost tribes.
My colleagues inform me that the natives seem quite friendly, although, they may be predisposed to cannibalism. Good thing I already ate my pack boy.
Today I found and skinned four monkeys, so as to have some serviceable tea cups to go with poor Yolamba's skull. It's not exactly china, but it is bone.
God save the Queen!
good thing we have infinite monkies
i understand the monkey round these parts is quite tasty
Journal Entry
Alas, Sir John, Sir Nigel, and Dr Livingstoned have been spotted at the base camp and it's bloody well about time. After wading through the jungle of the internet to arrive at the cellar, I was glad to find it a decent place (I was half expecting an S&M site). :apimp:
Setting off to study the natives (Wink, Wink, Nod, Nod)
Tally Ho!
I was glad to find it a decent place (I was half expecting an S&M site). :apimp:
Only on occasion.
And we usually clearly label our indecencies, so they can be found more easily with the internal search engine.
We are friendly and helpful natives. And we shall ply you with whisky.
Good whisky.
[color=white]The managment is not responsible for anything that may happen to explorers who accept the offers of fine whisky in large quantities.[/color]
i have only managed a rudimentary map having spent most of my time here so far dealing with pressing matters of survival and chatting with natives but some things of interest,
Latin phrases
http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=19379
philosophy
http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=25 an area that warrants some investigation and contribution
puns
http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=18762
funny British place names
http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=19349
and internet
http://cellar.org/forumdisplay.php?f=8
NSFW
http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php?t=19150Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, etc., I have finally reached this camp, too. A little bit later, perhaps, than the more experienced explorers among Dr. Livingstoned's honoured colleagues, but forgive me; I am only a beginner in practicing the fine profession of safaris.
Anyhow, I have been wandering around the places here, and your lands don't seem to be near as horrible as many of the things I have encountered during my journeys. I shall ponder the decision of whether I should run screaming away, frightened by the cannibalism and lack of S&M, back into the jungles, or not.
They have the Internet here? How curious.
Oh, I guess I shall stay, but I need a funney hat too.
Oh, I guess I shall stay, but I need a funney hat too.
Just as long as it's not as asshat, you are welcome to stay as long as you like. :D
:: offers the seat next to her ::
Hallooo, fellows! I seem to have fallen into a bit of quicksand, but quick thinking and a large stick helped get me out. Trust me, usually my large stick stick gets me INTO trouble more often than out of it, ho ho!
Say no more, say no more!!
Journal Entry, Chaos 27, YOLD 3175:
Mid Morning. Having awoken from my morning meditations, I find that basecamp has been deserted. The Mad Philosopher tribe has retreated into the jungle, and the remains of the campfire flicker in the early morning light. There appears to be the decapitated, barbecued, and picked clean corpse of one of the porters next to the fire-pit. An arrow drawn in the dirt points the way into jungle. I can see by the multiple tracks that not all of our safari had left in that direction. I will set out into the jungle after practicing the sword-forms.
The Tengu are reminding me that today is ChaoSloth, the Sloth Day in the middle of the Season of Chaos. I must remember to practice Slack(Wu Wei), while tracking my party in honor of this Holy Day.
Journal Entry, Chaos 29, YOLD 3175:
Early Evening. I have wandered through this choking jungle for two days since the Safari was scattered near the Mad Philosopher tribe. The calls of the Pterodactyls have been growing nearer, and nearer. I do not know if the Safari was scattered due to yet another Pterodactyl attack, if it was a strategy to avoid their aerial patrols, or if Uday had stampeded the elephants.... again, and the crew are out chasing our luggage... again. There have been faint signs of human activity in the jungle for the last few hours, so I may be approaching another tribe's territory. But why would some-one decapitate four monkeys, and then just leave the bodies to the scavengers? I must press on.
Journal Entry, Chaos 30, YOLD 3175:
Early Afternoon. Astounding! I have followed the tracks in the jungle to a large clearing dominated by an immense spur of rock in the center. There appears to be a large, well weathered, oaken cellar-door inset into the middle of the west face. I will conceal myself in one of the nearby trees and sharpen my blade until I learn more about this interesting feature.
wink wink nudge nudge,
oh drat you have gone and made me spill my tea
Read the leaves. The gods have a message in your tea leaves, you know.
the tea?
my god!
. . . . my god.
Oh No! Dr. Livingstoned! Watch out..... only FSM can save him now..... or maybe that monkey could fling one of those typewriters.....
HA HA HA HA HA Monster you rock and RULE!
Monster is on a SBFSBRAOMP (swallow beer first Shawnee before reading any of Monster's Posts) roll tonight.
the tea?
my god!
. . . . my god.
Fellows, I've noticed something extraordinary about this culture... they seem to value promiscuity! By George, finally I believe I've found a native culture I can really relate to!
http://www.cellar.org/showpost.php?p=334791&postcount=1
http://cellar.org/showthread.php?p=528757#post528757Fellows, I've noticed something extraordinary about this culture... they seem to value promiscuity! By George, finally I believe I've found a native culture I can really relate to!
http://www.cellar.org/showpost.php?p=334791&postcount=1
http://cellar.org/showthread.php?p=528757#post528757
Thats nothin Nigel - you gotta see
this thread
or this one
or this one
Oh hell, just start
hereHe knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered.
There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed
in the cave is the holy grail of forum treasures.....
our ladies occasionally post naked pictires of themselves....
Will these intrepid explorers be able to locate this treasure and carry it off for the museum?
one wonders.
why? why?
why does your boy always drop the tea?
have him flogged!
Fellows, I've noticed something extraordinary about this culture... they seem to value promiscuity! By George, finally I believe I've found a native culture I can really relate to!
By golly!
I think these natives are a highly sexed bunch.
We'd better watch out, or we may fall in with their heathen desires. Think of England!
Do the natives ever rise up and kill the lot of you exploder...um...explorer types? How many of you have ever been gang raped by a tribe of silverbacks?
I am Bwana Dik!
By golly!
I think these natives are a highly sexed bunch.
We'd better watch out, or we may fall in with their heathen desires. Think of England!
yeah, that'll do it. :(
Unacceptable!
i was sure i had a sharp stick around here somewhere...
ah there it is!
Um...some of our horniest members are in England.
Come to think of it, Monster...*you're* a Brit.
Pippip! I have found some children's games that closely match our children's tomfoolery!
http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php?t=17110It is mighty impressive my fellow explorers! These savages have managed husbandry!
http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php?t=19396
This is unprecedented(sp?) Never before have i seen an obviously savage uneductaed culture devolop this level of control over large mammals... This completely unearths many theories!
I'll have to ponder this for a while.
It is mighty impressive my fellow explorers! These savages have managed husbandry! http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php?t=19396
This is unprecedented(sp?) Never before have i seen an obviously savage [COLOR="Red"]uneductaed[/COLOR] culture devolop this level of control over large mammals... This completely unearths many theories!
I'll have to ponder this for a while.
Bwana make typo.
why? why?
why does your boy always drop the tea?
have him flogged!
Now, good Doctor, don't blame the poor fellow... he was probably startled by the sheer ribaldry of these people! A man from the Queen's England can't be expected to stand firm in the face of such overt lewdness, not given where we come from... and speaking of which, we had best pray that our ladies at home never hear of this place. Those dear girls. We must protect this pristine culture!
Um...some of our horniest members are in England.
Come to think of it, Monster...*you're* a Brit.
:D
(you want to share SG?)
You will never be able to go back to the "ladies" at home after you've had a taste of the women here. Why would you want to? Once you've explored the best who needs the rest.
@Elspode: oh my! you have discovered that i also, am fallible!
I must apologize mates, our plan for posing as gods won't continue and its all my fault.
Please don't hate me for making a simple mistake after drinking a bottle of gin.
On a brighter note, i have found a perfect candidate for our local cult the WOMP cabal!
http://www.cellar.org/showpost.php?p=281372&postcount=104
Isn't his art reminiscent of our own WOMP masters?
You will never be able to go back to the "ladies" at home after you've had a taste of the women here. Why would you want to? Once you've explored the best who needs the rest.
I think you quite misunderstand. Our ladies, while indeed beautiful and dainty to look upon, are quite likely the most fearsome and dangerous creatures that exist on the planet... I tremble to think of what horrors might await this peaceful tribe should their curiosity be awakened! Heaven forbid! No. I would sooner see these dear folk terrorized by pterodactyls, than fall under the rapacious eye of our dear ladies.
I think you quite misunderstand. Our ladies, while indeed beautiful and dainty to look upon, are quite likely the most fearsome and dangerous creatures that exist on the planet... I tremble to think of what horrors might await this peaceful tribe should their curiosity be awakened! Heaven forbid! No. I would sooner see these dear folk terrorized by pterodactyls, than fall under the rapacious eye of our dear ladies.
oh, some apperitifs.....
jolly good, some exploration is getting done well done chaps
I do believe some of the boys have gone native. Only to be expected in the tropics. Mad dogs and Englishmen and all that.
Hallooo, fellows! I seem to have fallen into a bit of quicksand, but quick thinking and a large stick helped get me out. Trust me, usually my large stick stick gets me INTO trouble more often than out of it, ho ho!
Sir Nige is soooooooo mine :)
It is funny how some people really want to keep a heavy hand on their site. No funny biness allowd. I want to say, thanks for the warning but we are pretty much game for whatever.
The following message was sent to you via the The Cellar Contact Us form by WhiteKnight.
------------------------------
Members of the forums at the website Principiadiscordia.com have begun to troll your site.
They call it a 'forum safari'
These users are definitely trolls:
* sir john - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15269
* JPB - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15274
* Sir Nigel - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15273
* Dr Livingstoned - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15267
* madjack - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15279
* Merrick - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15288
* where are the fnords - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15270
* Reckoner - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15271
* GungaDin - hxxp://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15272
* Sir Ralph - http://www.cellar.org/member.php?u=15268
How do I know this? I keep an eye out on them to make sure they don't troll sites like they did mine.
Keep an eye out
thank you.
Good heavens! Who could this WhiteKnight be? An emissary from a rival group of researchers, perhaps?
Surely he had no need to be insulting. We may not ALL be the handsomest fellows, but I wouldn't describe any of us as "trolls". :(
We certainly appreciate your willingness to tolerate our little band of travellers under the shelter of your huts for a few days, and hope you'll have a bite to eat and a drop of brandy with us while we're by.
Journal Entry, Chaos 31, YOLD 3175:
Early Morning. I have partially deciphered the runes upon the boundary marker and have used the directions provided to find my way to the local settlements. Upon arriving I have found a small group of our party has made it into this new territory. Basecamp has been established with only one tea related incident. This surely seems a good sign. I have noted which of my fellow explorers have survived the stinking humid trek through the jungle here in my notebook, and will send a report back to the Academy soon.
.....
[Section Torn Out]
.....
Lunch. While sipping brandy with Sir Nigel, one of the natives has approached our camp waving a torn piece of journal paper. It seems someone had approached him near their latrine grounds (and remained anonymous by hiding within the trenches). This nefarious character handed our native friend my list of Safari members... torn from my VERY JOURNAL, and began spouting filthy lies about our people. Horrible accusations of theft, rape and pillaging.
Our native host has told us that he doesn't believe these horrible slanders, as they fly in the face of our behavior while we have been guests here. He seems concerned about what this theft might mean to the relations between our groups. Sir Nigel seems to have calmed the poor fellow's nerves and thanked him for revealing this theft. This development will require quite the deliberation from the Safari. I shall break out the whiskey. [End Journal Entry]
--------------------------------------------
Sir Nigel! [Offeres up a small cup of whiskey.] This recent theft has me suspecting the porters we hired on at the last town.... Or could someone be shadowing the Safari? Could this possibly be one of the Pterodactyls agents? Could they really have caught up to us while most of our party remains scattered in the jungle? How shall we approach this new threat?
there are no safaris without dangers old chap, i dare say that given this agents predilection for hiding in the latrines we may be able to track him by scent alone..
It is funny how some people really want to keep a heavy hand on their site. No funny biness allowd. I want to say, thanks for the warning but we are pretty much game for whatever.
Half the time I don't even know what's going on with this sarari thing, and I'm finding it very amusing! :)
Yeh - I, for one, am confident that between the moderators and dwellers here that together we can handle whatever may happen, if anything. They have been well behaved guests so far. Again welcome weary travelers and please rest as long as you need/like.
Half the time I don't even know what's going on with this sarari thing, and I'm finding it very amusing! :)
three quarters of the time we safari members don't know what is going on so you are doing rather well, no two safaris are alike and different challenges are faced at every turn, all par for the course in the life of a intrepid explorer of the Internet wilds. wot wot
Sir John, how long may we expect your stopover to last? Where are you headed next?
Stay for a while. We haz beerz.
We got 'em from chrisinhouston's fridge.
camp will be struck in a day or two, we haven't received word from the royal academy yet as to our next destination, the unfortunate cause of many lost explorers that and the unreliable use of porters to communicate, we will try to send a map back to the cellar so that any of you fine gentlemen who wish to can join the safari in our next base camp.
We are amused, We will be addressed as Lord Fargon from now on!
Stay for a while. We haz beerz.
We got 'em from chrisinhouston's fridge.
Wot's this, you've BEER? Good heavens, what mercy has brought us to this blessed place! It's been weeks since I've had beer, and while I do enjoy the Scotch there's nothing quite as refreshing and civilised as a chilly pint! Pip pip!
We shall have to depart soon, though, as we strive to stay a few days ahead of those dreadful pterodactyls, so as not to bring woe to our hosts, or lose any more of our expedition.
I can't say I'm looking forward to the end of our stay... as bedraggled and straggling as our band is, this has truly been a respite in the wilderness, and your hospitality quite refreshing.
We are amused, We will be addressed as Lord Fargon from now on!
Then what will I be called?
Then what will I be called?
capnhand?
I don't believe Sir Nigel is a true Knight of the Realm.
I've thumbed my Burkes til I'm quite sore, and I still can't find him.
i assure you sir Nigel is with out a doubt bonafide
Well as he's been a true gentleman I am inclined to believe him. Perhaps the Knighting happened during the expedition and the records never got back to London. What with all the porter troubles they have experienced...
Brandy? Pass it over here, please.
Brandy!
[youtube]1rkLZh7jVNA[/youtube]
Well as he's been a true gentleman ...
I'd like to second that sentiment.....this is my kind of invasion. nothing like the ag invasion.....it would be nice if you fellas put up a semi permanent hovel and checked back from time to time....maybe come sit by the fire friday nights and chat.....
oh yah...this too:
nice pith you are ready to go
perhaps we will set up a way-station a place for porters to rest and for safari members to pop in and tell tails of there exploits and stories of new explorations while having a few refreshments
i assure you sir Nigel is with out a doubt bonafide
But can he afford to give the girls clarinet lessons? Has he prospects?:headshake
uh-oh, looks like Jim is taking the pith...
But can he afford to give the girls clarinet lessons? Has he prospects?:headshake
No, it's gonna work. you just gotta get close enough to talk to her. Takin' off with us has got more future than marryin' a guy named Waldrip. nigel is Goddamned bona fide
I eagerly anticipate the arrival of Sir Pent, Sir Vix, Sir Tainly, Sir Cull, Sir Vile, Sir Cum-Stantial and his cousin Sir Cum-Sized.
I need to begin working on my pithy explorer persona.
I'm thinking I'll be Woodrow.....to keep with the lumber reference......
just have to work out what role I'll play in the team.....I was thinking big brawny hunter type.....or possibly fresh faced youth that is being groomed to lead the future expeditions......or maybe Black Jim, the mercenary, hired to hunt down Dr Livingstone......
i need more data.....
sir vent, sir cut, sir beeah, sir ching, sir itipusly,
I need to begin working on my pithy explorer persona.
I'm thinking I'll be Woodrow.....to keep with the lumber reference......
just have to work out what role I'll play in the team.....I was thinking big brawny hunter type.....or possibly fresh faced youth that is being groomed to lead the future expeditions......or maybe Black Jim, the mercenary, hired to hunt down Dr Livingstone......
i need more data.....
I think they need someone to play Jane...
I can do the damsel thing, if I work at it a bit.
More of the Marion Ravenwood type, actually.
Greetings, my fellow explorers.
It appears I have wandered into your camp by mistake. I hope you don't mind if I stay for a bit, I'm horrendously tired from my last exploit. And I had a slight run-in with a polar bear and a couple of penguins, but that's all sorted now.
So, have you discovered any local places of interest as yet? I understand the locals have a predispostion to rather rudimentary methods of communication, which could prove to be a challenge.
But we shall endure, wot wot!
Careful! She has spots on her pussy.
greetings sir simpletoon plenty of fun to be had dive right in, pip pip
and do be careful in those Arctic locals the penguins are a sneaky lot
No penguins in the Arctic, not polar bears in the Antarctic - no wonder he's tired if he's been travelling pole to pole.
in typical internet safari form
No penguins in the Arctic, not polar bears in the Antarctic - no wonder he's tired if he's been travelling pole to pole.
or exhibit to exhibit at the zoo
Careful! She has spots on her pussy.
and teeth.
:eek:
Careful! She has spots on her pussy.
and teeth
its on a leash nothing to fear chaps
or exhibit to exhibit at the zoo
:rotflol:
its on a leash
aha! as I suspected, an impostor! this one is not a true knight of the realm for sure.... h's not even of the realm....
i know a lass with a pussy on a lead when i see one, trying to speak the native language wot wot
yeah, I use that old line all the time....
I fear we may have to leave this charming locale, soon. The cries of the vicious pterodons draw near. Come, my Safari friends. Let us open the last can of kippers, and break the seal on the last of the scotch. The porters are restless, and we shall be gone within days......
the dreaded pterodactyls!! i will put my kit in order, in case a hasty exit is required. strike my tent porter and make ready for the journey ahead.
Not even enough time for one more night at fireside chat?
Pretty pleeeeaseee :D
Well, I fear my stay may have been overly brief, and for that I apologise. I also fear it may have been my arrival that brought these blasted beasts ever closer.
I have been tracking these foul and inhuman creatures for the past 4 months. The hunt has taken me all across these vast lands. However, for the last few weeks, I have begun to postulate that these strange beings may be cleverer than we think. At my last camp point, I began to see the things approaching at night. As they have never even approached me directly before, I was quite frankly terrified. However, they did not actually enter my camp, seemingly afraid of the fire and torches I had cunningly laid out, for that very purpose. At first light they flew off, and I quickly packed up camp and moved out here.
I guess they must have tracked me here, and I fear that they will continue to do so, wherever we move onwards to.
That, however, is out of my control to change. What is in my control to do, is to thank our native guests for their excellent hospitality, and then all that is left to say is a simple, "Toodle Pip!"
Cheerio!
Don't forget to wipe!
And don't let the door slam on your ass on the way out.
remind me never to visit capnhowdy's inhospitable ass.
there's nothing quite as refreshing and civilised as a chilly pint!
Gone native indeed, poor bloke.
remind me never to visit capnhowdy's inhospitable ass.
Georgia, nuff said.:rolleyes:
What I don't get about kippers is- the people that come to a coffee shop in Northern New Mexico and ask me for them.
Look around. What about this place says we would have kippers? Is it all the burritos and cilaquiles? The coffee maybe? wtf?
The funny part is, the people asking know we don't make it but every time, think we will just for them.
What about this place says we would have kippers?.
Do any of the waitresses have intimate hygiene problems?
remind me never to visit capnhowdy's inhospitable ass.
Wooops!
Solly
Just jerkin'
Dr Livingstoned's Journal Day ?
I have awoken, after a binge on the local mushrooms, to find the camp empty.
My head hurts, my trousers were down and I had a ten pound note rolled up behind my left ear and a sore arse ....
Such are the dangers of the jungle.
The tea has been spilled, the supermodels bones picked clean by the dreaded pterodactyls and my splendid skull tea set has been shattered in the disarray.
I fear that, once again, the party has moved on without me.
I shall have to re provision, on tea, muffins, kippers, although, being a dam sight away from New Mexican coffe shops, I am not holding out much hope for obtaining any.
I shall press on duly.
Dr Livingstoned out.
Bye, bye Doctor.
Sorry your lovely teaset was smashed. Not sorry you were ;)
That ten squid was from me, for a taxi home.
Don't say I never buy you anything.
Good thing you're not from Georgia, Sundae Girl. Else you may get dissed for such inhospitable comments. Especially since they were so warmly receptive to our adventurers on their site.
Poll Question: will you be there january 30th? (Voting closes: January 31, 2009, 04:48:18 AM) THERE ALREADY 
5 (41.7%) YES! 
