Cellar Swifties
I got this thread idea over the weekend as I was working on a puzzle book:
A
Tom Swifty is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed.
For example:
"Pass me the shellfish," said Tom crabbily.
"I might as well be dead," Tom croaked.
So, I thought we could do Cellar Swifties. The quote and subsequent adverbial pun can be related to the Dwellar's occupation, demeanor, a certain quote that stood out to you, their way of life...nothing is sacred.
I'll start us off:
"Once again, I've sold a buttload of cars this week," said lumberjim automatically.
"I hope this thread doesn't die a slow and painful death," thought Shawnee morbidly.
"I see no one is up to the challenge," she said gamely.
"WTF are y'all waitin' on the freaking crickets?" she chirped.
"Sorry, it took some time to understand. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer," he simply stated.
"This thread should be moderated," said xoxoxoBruce with authority.
"fuck you!", Lookout perversely replied.
"Now you've got the hang of it," Shawnee replied airily.
"Sometimes it takes awhile," he quickly retorted.
"Your jokes are making stuff come out my nose," she exclaimed snottily.
"Look! A Greek parachutist!" said Tom, condescendingly.
"I've sold my last pig." said Farmer Tom, disgruntled.
"That machine is dangerous" said Tom, offhandedly.
"I am NOT a homosexual necrophiliac!" Said Tom, in dead earnest.
"That machine is dangerous" said Tom, offhandedly.
That took a second read through :P
"This thread is full of hot air!" Richlevy bellowed.
"My posting brought on a lot of flames," said Steve crisply.
"I wish I was smarter", Elspode said thoughtlessly.
"There's no lube on the nightstand", Jim said grittily.
"I think the Cellar Advent Calendar needs a picture of Frankenclaus", Monster said monstrously.
"There's no such thing as too many tits on The Cellar", MTP said barely audibly.
"I'm out of wine," HungLikeJesus said dryly, as he walked across his swimming pool. He opened his tool box. "And I'm out of nails," he said crossly, as he picked up his hammer and saw. "I can't hang around here all day. And my scalp itches," he said, bringing up another thorny issue.
"This thread makes me feel all warm and fuzzy," Junie purred.
"8,731!" shouted Pie, randomly.
"I'm out of wine," HungLikeJesus said dryly, as he walked across his swimming pool. He opened his tool box. "And I'm out of nails," he said crossly, as he picked up his hammer and saw. "I can't hang around here all day. And my scalp itches," he said, bringing up another thorny issue.
:notworthy
Frankenstein can ----my ---- peeped monster
"oh, nothing" said Zengum.
"Actually, it was really something", crowed Ali!
"You know, being with child is such a fulfilling experience," Aliantha remarked, after a pregnant pause.
"Hey guys, I don't think Shawnee123 is really my cousin," lookout123 related to the other Dwellars.
""I think the Cellar Advent Calendar needs a picture of Frankenclaus", Monster said monstrously.
"You dummy. I'm not a REAL monster, it's just my Cellar name," monster roared.
Over my dead body, he said posthumously.
Somebody pull me out of this thornbush! he bristled.
And now for some bass ackwards Swifties...
We are not amused, he guffawed.
Your two quarts low, he gushed.
I got an F, he said smartly.
This is gonna take forever, he said instantly.
"...and forever is a long long time" growled Beestie freakishly.
"I have nothing to contribute to this thread," said Steve blankly.
"Don't be such a zero" Richlevy said naughtily.
"That's a really good one, Rich," jinx said, singling him out.
"I can't wait for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue," said Steve haughtily.
"Sports magazines are the best," she replied categorically.
[COLOR="Gray"]You guys are all so funny...I knew this would bring some clever stuff.[/COLOR]
"You people are insane!" said Wolf with commitment.
"That can't be proven", said UT matter of factly.
"It could if we could find 85% of the top level people," tw managed.
"Why haven't there been any whale penis photos lately?" ejaculated Steve.
People that worship pastries are among the most pious.
"Why did I say that?" axed lumberjim.
"because he couldn't help himself" volunteered Ali.
"That Balsam fir is my favorite tree!" Pie opined.
"But that's the worst tree EVAH," barked Shawnee.
"Well, I've cut it down but I'm not sure what to do now," said UT, stumped.
"That peanut butter was delicious!", she said thickly.
"I would put it in a stand and decorate it," said HLJ brightly.
"Grind it up and make mulch," she said, all chipper.
Other threads could provide almost limitless material. For example:
Space is actually the cheapest resource we have! Don't delete just to save space.
...UT said vacantly.
1) I found my ball...
... Shawnee said playfully
Buttfuck the bastards in the mouth!
... Shawnee said tastefully.
[COLOR="Gray"]Hmmm...I can't figure out how to get the quotes from other threads (with the arrows that take you to that thread, I mean.)[/COLOR]
"Cicero is an inspiration!" Shawnee mused.
[COLOR=Gray]Hmmm...I can't figure out how to get the quotes from other threads (with the arrows that take you to that thread, I mean.)[/COLOR]
Within the other thread, select the quote button for the post that you want to use. Then copy what's in the edit box and paste that into this thread.
I read this thread and now I want my life back. He replied sadly.:headshake
"You're half the man I thought you were!" She said divisively.
"Working out will get you ripped in no time." He said enthusiastically.
"Can I steal a moment of your time?" She said kleptomaniacally.
"I think this chardonnay has gone to vinegar!" she whined.
I couldn't stop laughing, cried Mitch.
I double checked it, remarked Elenore.
I can't make up my mind, she said decisively.
The situation calls for a more subtle approach, she shrieked.
If you do it right you only have to do it once, he repeated.
If only I could think, he thought.
"I'm not sure I'm long for this world," said SG, a shade darkly.
"The sun is too bright today" he blinked.
"I don't know the answers" He said blankly.
"I love that dress but the hem has to be lower." Sundae said longingly.
"The bureaucrats at the FCC lost my ham license and I'll have to take the test again." said TW with remorse.
"Did you know that squirrels fart?!" said LJ fervently.
BTW if you're a purist you can use "remorsefully". I like the way I phrased it better.
I like your phrase better too.
No purists here; we can take the general idea and run with it.
Sadly, my brain isn't up to making a swiftie out of any of my comments. :blush:
I'm expanding the Swiftly method to other threads.
"So you do believe in evolution," HJL advanced.
"Give me some of that," she said, bitingly.
"I could go for some cranberry juice," she said dipsomanaically.
"i was late this morning, and then i went back in time, and got distracted, so I was late AGAIN!", said McFly, retardily
"Zen's new game is fun," Shawnee babeled.
"I'm not going to stand here and listen to this absurd sales pitch." Undertoad balked.
"The best way to play bass is to use only your bare fingers", UT said pluckily.
"I would like to be somebody's inspiration," mused Elspode.
"I don't have time to go over the whole thread!" exclaimed Dana archly.
"There's no need for cross words" she placated, in a puzzled tone.
"Yes, I do shave, actually" replied Jinx, smoothly.
"Not every day though, at least only when, well I mean..." continued LabRat, fuzzily.
"Speak for yourself!" said Sundae Girl, barely being polite.