Things that make you know you're doing something right.
On Monday we took our kids to a theme park called 'Dreamworld' with some family that was visiting from out of town. Dreamworld also happens to be the home of the tv reality show 'Big Brother' here in Australia and so when you go to Dreamworld, you can go for a tour through the Big Brother house.
So it was almost the end of the day and Dazza pipes up and says, "I want to go have a look at the BB house". (He happens to be a fan of the show unfortunately and I can't understand how someone of his intellect can be, but he is). Anyway, it's a pretty long walk down there, and I definitely didn't feel like it and no one else wanted to go either. I was just starting to say I didn't feel like the walk when my son Aden asked to talk to me in private. He said to me, "Mum, I think you should go with Dazza if he wants you to. After all, he's been lining up for us all day and this is the one thing he's asked to do"
Of course Aden was right, and I was going to go if I had to anyway, but it was very touching to know that my son could put himself in someone else's shoes that way. It's not the first time, but I just thought a thread for people to brag about their kids nice stuff might be cool.
So what have your kids said or done lately that makes you feel proud?
I was working on a painting today. My son walked by and said "It looks really awesome, Mom."
Not a big deal. Just something that made my day.
No kids so no input.
Just to say you & Case are very much doing it right, they are a credit to you.
Not that I would have doubted it.
I would think that one of the best compliments you could get, as a parent, is someone saying "now that's a nice kid!"
I'm guessing Ali and Case hear that from time to time. :)
my kid knocks people down and breaks other kids' noses. :right: probably not what you had in mind.;)
I think knowing when that sort of thing is appropriate puts LL in the category of "things that tell you you're doing something right." That story about LL standing up to the bully should be in this thread.
I would think that one of the best compliments you could get, as a parent, is someone saying "now that's a nice kid!"
I'm guessing Ali and Case hear that from time to time. :)
I do get compliments like that fairly often. I usually follow it up with something like, "Thanks for that. We're very proud of him, but like all other kids, he does have his moments." Which is usually followed up by knowing smiles from all parents within earshot.
And it's true. I could just as easily start a thread titled something like, "How you know your child really is the Devil's Spawn"
my kid knocks people down and breaks other kids' noses. :right: probably not what you had in mind.;)
"Wow, what a right hook on that kid! He's dynamite."
Feel better, not every dad can raise a vigilante with a soft spot for special ed kids.:blush:
I was working on a painting today. My son walked by and said "It looks really awesome, Mom. Can I have another dish of ice cream?"
Not a big deal. Just something that made my day.
Full disclosure
I don't have kids, but, for the brief time he was in my life, Gustav the stick bug sure made me proud.
:lol:
HLJ, what happened to Gustav? :(
:lol:
HLJ, what happened to Gustav? :(
[SIZE="1"]sshhhh, it's 9/11, you insensitive bitch[/SIZE]
oh crap.
I'm so sorry HLJ. I'm building a memorial.
Gustav spread his wings and since he doesn't have any wings he plummeted.
oh crap.
I'm so sorry HLJ. I built a memorial.
[SIZE="2"]fixed that for u[/SIZE]
Well darn that's good. Puts my memorial to shame. HLJ, I know this stickbug looks nothing like Gustav...eyes are the wrong color, lips are all wrong...but it's all I could find.
Wow! I don't know what to say. Gustav would be so happy.
Let me see if he's still on the porch where I left him.
Whut? That f*ckers not dead yet?
I would think that one of the best compliments you could get, as a parent, is someone saying "now that's a nice kid!"
We use to get that all the time, which I usually followed with, "Yea but you don't have to live with them." They always seemed to act better when away than when at home. I guess that is normal.
Whut? That f*ckers not dead yet?
I FEEL HAPPY! I THINK I'LL GO FOR A WALK...
Quit it foot3...that's twice today I've almost spit coffee all over my keyboard, 'cause of you and your tomfoolery!
Back to the subject...thanks Ali for starting this, now I have a thread to post about my latest grin. :D
I was driving my 12 year old daughter home from a birthday party tonight. She told me this - the quote isn't exact, but close as I can remember:
"y'know what, mom? I'm happy. I'm really happy with my life. There isn't anything I need, no clothes, no toys, I have so much I don't even want anything else. I feel sorry for all those kids that aren't happy without Abercrombie and fancy cell phones, because they're not really happy. I feel good inside, I'm healthy, I'm pretty, I'm smart, I have lots of friends and I never have a bad day. All I really care about doing right now is sleeping, eating, doing cheer and getting good grades. And making other people happy, too. I think I'll give some of my stuff away to kids who need it."
Yeah, I know your first reaction would be to say...um...what is this REALLY about? But I heard her say something similar a few days ago, about being happy with her life, and I think she really means it.
Pretty spectacular for a 12 year old girl, I think. :D
I hope it lasts!
I also wish my son would catch on.
Quit it foot3...that's twice today I've almost spit coffee all over my keyboard, 'cause of you and your tomfoolery!
Two more of your keyboards and we'll be even.
Count your blessings, Juniper. My 12 year old daughter mixes days like that with door-slamming, eye rolling days, but thankfully more good than bad.(Except for the fact that she is ashamed of her 2 yr old, hand me down cell phone, her first real brush with gadget envy :rolleyes:)
Count your blessings, Juniper. My 12 year old daughter mixes days like that with door-slamming, eye rolling days, but thankfully more good than bad.(Except for the fact that she is ashamed of her 2 yr old, hand me down cell phone, her first real brush with gadget envy :rolleyes:)
Oh, she does that too. I've noticed fewer of those days lately, though. I'm trying to keep track of the calendar. :)
I know you don't need parenting advice, but just be sure to treat each day's mood as it comes. I went through the usual teen extreme highs and lows and Mum used each mood to beat me about the head with. So that when I thought the world was a wonderful place and said so she'd say, "This won't last, you'll be moaning again soon, stop being so over-dramatic" etc. And when it was a grey day in my head and the world was unbearably cruel she would say with grimly satisfied sarcasm, "Oh I thought everything was perfect, I thought you were soooooo happy, not hearing that today are we?"
In hindsight I know she was mostly trying to even me out with a little bit of irritation thrown in the mix. But at the time it really hurt me and we weren't close until I moved out. Even now I know I still hold something of myself back from her, because I'm still scared of her rejection.
Just saying.
And Binky & Juniper I'm glad your daughters appreciates what they have. Juniper - follow up on her giving stuff away. Hell, make it a family clear-out. I'm a big believer in charity giving, donating and volunteering and it warms my heart when kids show an interest in it too.
Good point. Usually the closest I get to doing that is to say, "I'm glad you feel that way, let's hope it lasts."
Junie, you reminded me of this: I saw the cutest thing on Funniest Home Videos once. A mom had made a playhouse for her little girl for a Christmas present. She videotaped the big unveiling, it was really neat, with a bunk up top and everything. The little girl was crying from happiness and asked if she could sleep in there that night (must have been a warm clime.) Mom said "but tomorrow is Christmas, Santa is coming." The little girl cried "I don't want Santa to come, this is all I'll ever want."
Brought tears to my eyes!
Yesterday I got my son Mav a new bike. He was very excited about it and grateful and all the rest, and we were talking about what he's going to do with it as you do. After a while he went quiet and was looking quite thoughtful then he said, "I'll have to get as much riding in over the christmas holidays as I can because when the baby comes next year I wont have as much time to play because I'll be helping you Mum."
The tooth fairy visited our house for the first time last night. We put her tooth in an envelope addressed to "The Tooth Fairy" then under her pillow. This morning, while I was in the shower, my daughter came barreling in so excited to show me her $5 bill. A few moments later she came back in and said "Hey mom, tonight can we put a note in the envelope telling the tooth fairy I really appreciated the money?" It was really nice to hear her say that on her own.
[SIZE="1"]P.S. What do you DO with your kids old teeth? I hid it in the back of my jewelry box for now. . .I need to find the hair I saved from her first haircut, and I suppose I'll put it with that.[/SIZE]
I've got each kid's teeth stashed in film canisters, in my dresser drawer. Easy to tell which kid's is which, because my son's got two that were pulled out by the roots. :p
They're old enough now to know better...so they've seen their "collections."
I've got each kid's teeth stashed in film canisters, in my dresser drawer. Easy to tell which kid's is which, because my son's got two that were pulled out by the roots. :p
They're old enough now to know better...so they've seen their "collections."
I don't have kids, but if I did I'd have their teeth on a chain that I would wear around my neck.
$5 a tooth? Sheesh, inflation.
Yeah, inflation. Or spoiled kids, take your pick ;)
(Around our house, the going rate is $1.)
In any case, I've decided Minifob's getting a discounted rate for the chipped teeth.
I think we gave a dollar coin for the first tooth and a quarter for each subsequent one.
I hope I'm right because my son is about to start losing them and you know he knows what my daughter got.
We have the meanest tooth fairy round here -she just leaves a quarter. but she polishes it up so it gleams, even when she's visiting us at zippyt's house (although she got lost on that one and was a tad late... :o
By all means keep your kids' teeth.
You'll be able to use them later for magic spells and stuff, when they run away from home and you need to use clairvoyance to find them, and mind-control spells to draw them back.
But make sure you explain to the kids that the money is only for teeth that fall out naturally. Every now and then there is a story in the media about some young kid who figures that at $5 per tooth, he's got a new skateboard right there in his mouth, and all he needs is twenty minutes alone with some pliers...
...but it's double for dentist extractions (as long as they're not due to decay)
and nothing for adult teeth.
by the time they've worked out that losing teeth is a viable financial opportunity, they should be losing most of their milk teeth anyway
Yeah, you'd think so, and I'd have thought the pain would stop them, but I have seen a TV interview with a boy who had pulled out all four top incisors.
Our kids got $1 for front teeth and now they're getting $2 for molars and other teeth we consider to be particularly large...like eye teeth.
Yeah, you'd think so, and I'd have thought the pain would stop them, but I have seen a TV interview with a boy who had pulled out all four top incisors.
my kids won't pull them out. even when they're hanging by a thread. especially Thor, who swallowed his first one thi summer, and nearly his second too. Hebe has a molar being pushed out by the new one -it's attached at one side only and she will not pull the damn thing out. I'm sure it's a decay hazard -they're stacked up in her gob. still, she's off to the ortho in a couple of weeks, I'll have him persuade her to yank it out if it's still there.
I had to make a rule that if the tooth "falls out" after bedtime, then the tooth fairy doesn't come till the next night. Prior to that my daughter would stay up all damn night working them out. She pulled out her front tooth and I swear it wasn't even loose.... no sign of the adult tooth for like 6 months... she's nuts....
Ours are pretty resigned to the tooth fairy being a slacker. I reckon that's a sign we're doing the right thing -real world preparation :lol:
I suppose being an only child, it's likely we do $poil her just a tad. :o However, she was explained that the first tooth is special and *we* only got quarters or the occasional dollar for ours, so that's what she should expect for the rest of them.
When I was going through her backpack last night, sure enough, there was a big note that said "Dear Tooth Fairy Thank You". She said her teacher helped her write it. We put it under her pillow last night, and she got her reply this morning.
LR - it's not the actual amount that counts, it's how much they value it. And your daughter obviously really appreciated it. Good work I say.
Just fielded a call from SonofV.
He was calling from the library, across town over by the mall. He called to inform me that the anime club meeting was not until next month. Oh well.
"So, I'd like to hang out at Zumiez, ok?"
"I'd prefer if you hung out at the library, maybe check out a new book and we'll come pick you up after work."
"Ok."
Awesome!
First of all, he gets it. Plans changed, and he called to keep us informed. BIG, big points for that. I understand the plan we agreed to when we parted company this morning might not survive intact until we meet again tonight. So instead of just going on his merry way, without communicating to us, he called. Perfect. He knew the changes, not me. And he knew enough to call and let us know.
Frankly, we'll be going to Zumiez after work (what a coincidence!).
With this kind of thinking about the bigger picture, and his responsibilities, and his actual acting on that knowledge, I can see our trust in him was not misplaced.
I'm very very proud of him.
Sharp lad... how old is he?
Yup, well brought up lad, well done.
The tooth fairy visited our house for the first time last night. We put her tooth in an envelope addressed to "The Tooth Fairy" then under her pillow. This morning, while I was in the shower, my daughter came barreling in so excited to show me her $5 bill. A few moments later she came back in and said "Hey mom, tonight can we put a note in the envelope telling the tooth fairy I really appreciated the money?" It was really nice to hear her say that on her own.
[SIZE="1"]P.S. What do you DO with your kids old teeth? I hid it in the back of my jewelry box for now. . .I need to find the hair I saved from her first haircut, and I suppose I'll put it with that.[/SIZE]
when i bashed out the fronts of these two teeth that're still leaving a gaping hole in my lovely lovely smile
after we found the pieces of them
i informed my mother
these are going under my pillow tonight.
...she was not amused.
or inclined to give me any cash, for that matter...
Good job SonofV :thumb:
Sharp lad... how old is he?
Yup, well brought up lad, well done.
Thank you all, but hold on, there's more.
He called a couple more times, impatiently waiting for us as we made our way through the regular commuting traffic. We finally picked him up at the library, and he hopped in the car. As we circled the parking lot, lining up to drive to the mall, across the street, I launched into basically the same speech in the post above, what a good kid, thanks, glad you get it, I want to reward you for doing the right thing, etc, etc. That took us across the street into the parking lot. We were discussing was it going to be Zumiez (skateboarder shop) or Game Stop (video game shop).
As I continued to talk and drive toward the entrance closest to Game Stop, he said "I don't think I deserve to go."
"Oh really? Why?"
"Because I already went to the mall."
"Even though we talked about staying at the library?"
"Yeah."
"Ok." as we drove past the mall entrance.
That night we told him we were disappointed that he didn't keep his word, that we want to trust him, but he has to earn that trust. We also praised him for telling the truth, when he could have remained quiet, despite the fact that we could never have known.
He wasn't able to resist the temptation to cruise the mall. That's regrettable, but understandable. He disobeyed, in a small but explicit way. This is an area that he (we) need to work on. That didn't come out right. This is an example of the stage of his development and maturity. It's normal. This is him growing.
And taken as a whole, initiating the communication, cooperating with us, failing to hold up his part of the cooperation, telling us the uncomfortable truth about the situation, and doing so with plain talk is still very encouraging. I'm still as proud of him as ever, but I have made a small recalibration of my understanding of him and how I parent him. It's one of many I've made and one of many to come.
As I continued to talk and drive toward the entrance closest to Game Stop, he said "I don't think I deserve to go."
"Oh really? Why?"
"Because I already went to the mall."
"Even though we talked about staying at the library?"
"Yeah."
This is one of the difficult parts of being a parent. You can't reward them, because they've misbehaved. But on the other hand you have to be really proud because he told the truth.
You're exactly right, dar, on all counts. And we told him just that. I don't know of any other way to communicate these two important facts, especially since my response to each one is sharply different.
You misbehaved, so no reward.
You told the truth, so no trouble.
It was a wash in terms of reward/punishment, but it was win/win/win in terms of communication. I think of it as a sort of dress rehearsal for some other independent activity where the stakes are higher. Just as this is the real big deal for which he "rehearsed" back in elementary school, for example, when he asked if he could go to the playground on his own.
Dad, you remember about how you told me never to freebase crack with strangers, especially pimps? Well....
u r funny...
But I am ready to have that conversation too. That is, I'm ready to have the conversation with ZenGum about a hypothetical conversation with our son about "...especially pimps...". Hehehe... good one.
A couple things first. Being a husband and father is the most important work I have in my life. I take that work very seriously. It is work, but it's work I love, and I'm happy to talk about (most of) it.
I've talked about this before. As a parent, my core responsibility to my child is to raise him to be a competent adult (there's a ton packed into that little phrase--granted). The basic method is to help him learn about the world. Those lessons change as he grows. And the way the lessons are learned changes too.
As a parent, some lessons I *tell* to my son. Some lessons I *show* him. Some lessons I leave for him to discover on his own. Of the three, the third one is the most potent teaching method. It's not always appropriate. "Don't play in the street" is a tell lesson--the stakes are too high to permit an error. How to ride a skateboard is a show lesson--at least at the beginning--he's way better than me now. How to get along with his peers is mostly a (series of) self discovery lessons.
The three methods are not mutually exclusive, of course. And parental temperament plays a big factor in this kind of social dynamic. I prefer the self discovery angle, but not exclusively. Others here have posted their preference for a much more authoritarian stance, mercy and Radar are a couple of examples that come to mind.
I *know* you're making with the funny here, and you have considerable talent in that regard, but someday I might be faced with a challenge to my parenting skills of such enormity. I'm not saying I'm ready today for such a challenge, but I'm planting seeds every day so that I don't have to face that one, or that he knows how to avoid that one.
For sure, whatever path he takes, *some* circumstance at any given time will be the most critical, and it might be pretty hairy indeed. When that happens, I hope little successes (and the memories of the failures and lessons learned from them) like this will carry the day. Ultimately, it will be his life, successes and failures alike. Who knows, maybe next time he'll remember my words of warning before he breaks out the crack pipe. One can only hope.
I'm always impressed when parents deal with their children in a calm manner, and yet still show them that their choice was wrong/ dangerous/ hurtful.
I grew up too scared to tell my Mum many things because of her immediate angry reaction. It meant I became a model citizen (give or take some recreational drugs) but only through fear, at least until I became socially aware as an adult.
Allowing your child to tell you the truth without condoning their actions has to be a very positive way to bolster their confidence.
I still say your boy is being brought up very well, with perhaps a slightly different emphasis. He's a boy and they all have the devil in them :) It's how you deal with it that's important.
Thank you Sundae Girl. We're doing our best, but thankfully we have a lot to work with.
Allowing your child to tell you the truth without condoning their actions has to be a very positive way to bolster their confidence.
Keeping that channel open requires continual dredging.
Dredging - That's a great description of it. Man I gotta say it gets more difficult as they get older. That could be due in part to past failures though. Hmm, contemplating on that one.
One. Bucket. At. A. Time.
Dump the crap on the bank. Repeat. Take periodic breaks. Back to work.
SonofV is how old???
Mine are all in their late teens.
BigV, I believe parenting is just about the hardest job there is. To get a child to become a competent adult amongst all the possible ways of going wrong takes a huge amount of work, ability, patience and a fair bit of luck.
On the bright side, there are a lot of different ways it can go right.
I reckon your lad has a pretty good chance.
I'm a new mom at 25, and I have to admit, I'm terrified. My daughter's ten months old now, and I see new skills and new advances every day. She's figured out how to be rebellious, how to push and test the limits, how to fuss back at me when I scold her, and I really don't know how to respond to that, other than a firm no and angry face to show her such behavior isn't acceptable. I have trouble dealing with discipline on a daily basis now; I can't imagine how she's going to be in ten, twelve years. -shudders- One day at a time, I guess?
yeh, one day at a time. My baby is driving :eek:
I'm a new mom at 25, and I have to admit, I'm terrified. My daughter's ten months old now, and I see new skills and new advances every day. She's figured out how to be rebellious, how to push and test the limits, how to fuss back at me when I scold her, and I really don't know how to respond to that, other than a firm no and angry face to show her such behavior isn't acceptable. I have trouble dealing with discipline on a daily basis now; I can't imagine how she's going to be in ten, twelve years. -shudders- One day at a time, I guess?
The best advice I can offer you is to be consistant. If you discipline her for something once, just always do it. If she figures out that she'll get her own way by pushing the point, you'll be digging yourself a hole so big you'll need to be airlifted out of it.
My daughter's ten months old now, and I see new skills and new advances every day. She's figured out how to be rebellious, how to push and test the limits, how to fuss back at me when I scold her, and I really don't know how to respond to that, other than a firm no and angry face to show her such behavior isn't acceptable.
10 months old is still a baby, and I'm pretty sure that developmentally, a child that age in incapable of "manipulating" a parent. If the baby is fussing, there's probably a reason for it other than rebelling against an authority figure.
At that age, saying "no" and redirecting the baby to something else is probably the best bet. Just try to be consistent. That really is the key. They eventually figure out what the heck you want them to do, but only when you are consistent.
It's not going to be a one time deal of saying "no" and then she'll never do it again. You'll have to do it over and over again. But they learn.
Believe it or not glatt, even newborns figure out very quickly how to get their parents to come running. That's a clinical fact btw, not something I just pulled out of my arse.
As an example, there was a study done at one stage on children of disabled parents. What they found most interesting was that children of deaf parents rarely made any noise during their tantrums. This behaviour developed from the begining.
Believe it or not glatt, even newborns figure out very quickly how to get their parents to come running. That's a clinical fact btw, not something I just pulled out of my arse.
As an example, there was a study done at one stage on children of disabled parents. What they found most interesting was that children of deaf parents rarely made any noise during their tantrums. This behaviour developed from the begining.
Cite, please.
Not the study Aliantha was talking about, but a similar one:
Hearing babies of deaf parents "babble" with their hands as young as six months, in ways babies of hearing parents don't.
I'm straining not to seem combative on this point. I honestly don't want a fight over it.
So here's my take on it.
A newborn doesn't manipulate the parents. No way. A newborn is a baby and my adult reactions to it are coming from me. I'm not... What I do in response to what I'm hearing seeing smelling sensing from the baby is because of my thoughts and decisions and instincts. The baby's not manipulating me, come on. The baby wants food, comfort, rest. There's not an "agenda" that rises to the level of manipulation. Not before a year, no way.
Certainly as they grow and become more aware of themselves and of others and experience the staggering epiphany that those aren't the same, then it's possible to imagine that they're doing something to get *somebody else* to do something. Until then, their actions are mostly REactions to their own internal states.
I've spent plenty of time around babies and I love them. Even the ones I love can "make me feel manipulated". But honestly, that feeling comes from me, not from the baby. Because I want to soothe her, because I want to make him laugh. Because I need to breathe fewer poop molecules. That's all me. The crying and giggling and arm waving and drooling, that's all just being a baby.
Babies behave in certain ways in order to get their needs met. Nothing more. It is our job as parents to meet those needs.
Manipulation implies fraud, deception or devious behavior for one's own advantage.
A baby's cognitive skills and reasoning abilities are not nearly developed enough for them to be capable of manipulation.
Is a crying child manipulating the parent?
Wanting to be held, loved, and comforted is just as much a 'need' as hunger, discomfort, and being tired.
Having read Desmond Morris' Babywatching, which completely turned the ideas of babies I grew up with on its head, I was completely willing to accept that a baby is only reacting to need when it cries.
But then, I went to dinner at my friend's house. Her ten month old could crawl very well and was pretty mobile. But whenever her mother was out of her sight she would cry. Sit down and cry and hold her arms up until she was picked up. It was definitely learned behaviour.
Now of course she would develop past this stage and want to become more independent as her curiousity in the world increased. I'm not saying she was spoiled or that it was wrong. And I'm sure she'll grow up hugely confident knowing her mother was always there to support her. But it was dependency.
Do British babies cry with a British accent?
But then, I went to dinner at my friend's house. Her ten month old could crawl very well and was pretty mobile. But whenever her mother was out of her sight she would cry. Sit down and cry and hold her arms up until she was picked up. It was definitely learned behaviour.
I have to disagree with you on this one Sundae Girl, separation anxiety is a very common trait in babies that age. It's the time that they are learning that they are actually separate from the world. In order to feel safe and secure, they want to have that familiar face in their field of view. Perfectly normal.
We need a drum roll, we got a nature vs nurture discussion about to start! :corn:
A definition of manipulate.
ma·nip·u·late /məˈnɪpyəˌleɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[muh-nip-yuh-leyt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object), -lat·ed, -lat·ing. 1. to manage or influence skillfully, esp. in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.
2. to handle, manage, or use, esp. with skill, in some process of treatment or performance: to manipulate a large tractor.
3. to adapt or change (accounts, figures, etc.) to suit one's purpose or advantage.
4. Medicine/Medical. to examine or treat by skillful use of the hands, as in palpation, reduction of dislocations, or changing the position of a fetus.
As you can see, you can choose to view the definition in a negative light if you want, and of course, no one wants to think of babies in a negative light. They're so cute and cuddly and smell nice and they're basically viewed as angelic little creatures who wouldn't harm a fly.
As a parent, I can tell you that I was manipulated by my children when they were babies. What parent can resist for long if their child is crying, even when they've been fed, changed, bathed and fluffed up beyond all niceness...and they still cry. You may even have been cuddling them for hours previously also.
Yes a baby will cry to let you know it wants something. Whether or not it's reasonable is where the manipulation comes into play. Sometimes a baby is simply trying to get more of what it likes, and believe it or not, sometimes we as adults fall for it. This behaviour if indulged often will usually lead to a parent of a two year old complaining that the child just doesn't seem to listen to anything it's told.
I could cite you papers all day on the psychology of children and babies, but it'll be easier for you to do the research yourself if you don't believe me.
When it all comes down to it, whether you like it or not, babies manipulate the adults around them in order to get what they want, just like every other living thing in this planet. Behaviour modification in order to achieve a goal is something learned right for the begining, although it could be argued that some people never learn how to change their behaviour in order to get what they want. ;)
I've spent plenty of time around babies and I love them. Even the ones I love can "make me feel manipulated". But honestly, that feeling comes from me, not from the baby. Because I want to soothe her, because I want to make him laugh. Because I need to breathe fewer poop molecules. That's all me. The crying and giggling and arm waving and drooling, that's all just being a baby.
When you allow yourself to be "manipulated" it leads to secure attachment which innoculates against all manner of ick in their lives. Bravo!
my two have grown to adulthood still liking me, talking to me, and still loving me. I'd like to say that's proof, but -- I think they do all that in spite of me!
Do British babies cry with a British accent?
No, but they do it with a stiff upper lip
No, but they do it with a stiff upper lip
And do they keep their pinkie fingers up when they're breastfeeding?
Aliantha, you left out the most common meaning ascribed to "manipulate" that I found in ALL definitions:
To influence or manage
shrewdly or deviously
To
tamper with or falsify for personal gain
To control or play upon by
artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
To change by
artful or unfair means so as to serve one's purpose
To control somebody or something: to
control or influence somebody or something in an ingenious or devious way
To falsify something:
to change or present something in a way that is false but personally advantageous
When a baby is born, much of the rational brain is undeveloped. They are ruled largely by their reptilian and mammalian brains in the first few years of life. "In order to control an adult, a baby needs the power of clear thought, and for that he needs the brain chemical glutamate to be working well in his frontal lobes [within the rational brain]. But the glutamate system is not properly established in a baby's brain, so that means he is not capable of thinking much about anything, let alone how to manipulate his parents"
When a baby cries to be picked up, she is not being "needy" or "clingy". "The separation distress system, located in the lower brain, is genetically programmed to be hypersensitive [because] in earlier stages of evolution, it was very dangerous for an infant to be away from her mother... if she didn't cry to alert her [mother] her whereabouts, she would not survive" (Sunderland 50). With age, the development of the rational brain helps to keep the separation distress system in check.
Babies can't be spoiled and they don't know how to manipulate.
From the
The Science of ParentingA definition of manipulate.
ma·nip·u·late /məˈnɪpyəˌleɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[muh-nip-yuh-leyt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used with object), -lat·ed, -lat·ing. 1. to manage or influence skillfully, esp. in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.
2. to handle, manage, or use, esp. with skill, in some process of treatment or performance: to manipulate a large tractor.
3. to adapt or change (accounts, figures, etc.) to suit one's purpose or advantage.
4. Medicine/Medical. to examine or treat by skillful use of the hands, as in palpation, reduction of dislocations, or changing the position of a fetus.
As you can see, you can choose to view the definition in a negative light if you want, and of course, no one wants to think of babies in a negative light. They're so cute and cuddly and smell nice and they're basically viewed as angelic little creatures who wouldn't harm a fly.
As a parent, I can tell you that I was manipulated by my children when they were babies. What parent can resist for long if their child is crying, even when they've been fed, changed, bathed and fluffed up beyond all niceness...and they still cry. You may even have been cuddling them for hours previously also.
Yes a baby will cry to let you know it wants something. Whether or not it's reasonable is where the manipulation comes into play. Sometimes a baby is simply trying to get more of what it likes, and believe it or not, sometimes we as adults fall for it. This behaviour if indulged often will usually lead to a parent of a two year old complaining that the child just doesn't seem to listen to anything it's told.
I could cite you papers all day on the psychology of children and babies, but it'll be easier for you to do the research yourself if you don't believe me.
When it all comes down to it, whether you like it or not, babies manipulate the adults around them in order to get what they want, just like every other living thing in this planet. Behaviour modification in order to achieve a goal is something learned right for the begining, although it could be argued that some people never learn how to change their behaviour in order to get what they want. ;)
Aliantha, I read and reread your post, and I sincerely think we just don't completely agree on what constitutes "manipulation". I'm not willing to get into such an argument.
We agree on what babies do, what kids do. We agree on what parents do. We agree on examples of of cause and effect with babies and parents. That's good.
I just don't agree that I'm being manipulated, or that you're being manipulated for that matter. Not by a baby. By my own guilty conscience, by the voice of my parents in my head, by my spouse, sure. Not by the baby, though. Identical circumstances, identical responses, different reactions. I'm not a puppet or a pawn or a victim, I'm just a long suffering parent, just like you.
I agree with you--they're devious sometimes, the rascals. And the very definition of selfish--unquestionably. And I often feel like a sucker for their charms. I *am* a pushover for them. Dang, they wear me out. But they're just being babies, not little Machiavellis.
Aliantha, you left out the most common meaning ascribed to "manipulate" that I found in ALL definitions:
To influence or manage shrewdly or deviously
To tamper with or falsify for personal gain
To control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
To change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one's purpose
To control somebody or something: to control or influence somebody or something in an ingenious or devious way
To falsify something: to change or present something in a way that is false but personally advantageous
Babies can't be spoiled and they don't know how to manipulate.
From the The Science of Parenting
Stormieweather, I just wanted to applaud your remark. Bravo.
Awwwww...
Ali, its just a word.
Treasenuak, don't let anybody here get you down. It's been a long time since most of them had actual babies, and they've forgotten the timelines.
The American Academy of Pediatrics agree: you can't spoil a "baby" under the age of six months. But the first year is a time of huge development, and a ten-month-old (the age of Treasenuak's baby) is very, very different from a six-month-old (the age of my youngest right now.)
At ten months old, my son could walk, say a couple of words, hit, bite, and scream angrily when he was told "no." I assure you, that "baby" could try to manipulate us, and required a certain amount of age-appropriate discipline.
Try and picture the difference between that and a six-month-old "baby," who is likely still eating solely from a bottle and cannot even crawl.
Aliantha, you left out the most common meaning ascribed to "manipulate" that I found in ALL definitions:
Babies can't be spoiled and they don't know how to manipulate.
From the The Science of Parenting
I got my definition from dictionary.com. I simply cut and pasted the first list of definitions. There were 7 others after, but I felt the first on the list should be fine.
Of course you can attribute manipulative behaviour to devious behaviour is you like. It makes the word sound 'bad'. That's fine.
Let's use a different phrase then.
Babies are completely capable of 'modifying' their behaviour in order to get what they want whether it is a need or not.
You can argue your personal beliefs on how to raise a child as much as you like and quite frankly, I more or less agree with you however, my argument is that children and babies
do 'modify' their behaviour in order to get their own way.
If you don't think you've ever been manipulated by a child or babys' behaviour, that's ok. Maybe you're a super parent, but I wouldn't believe you if you said you hadn't. Human beings are born with an inherant selfishness and they'll do just about anything to get their own way, particularly as a baby when they are the centre of their own universe. Maybe it sounds terrible, but it's the truth.
I agree with you--they're devious sometimes, the rascals. And the very definition of selfish--unquestionably. And I often feel like a sucker for their charms. I *am* a pushover for them. Dang, they wear me out. But they're just being babies, not little Machiavellis.
I never suggested babies are evil or that they are being anything but babies. It's just that babies are little humans and they respond to every single little outside trigger. They learn very quickly and most of us are blissfully unaware that someone much smaller and cuter has more control than we do.
Have a look at a day in the life of any parent who's with a newborn baby. Ask them who the household revolves around. Think about how you react every time you hear a baby cry. Most of us automatically believe the baby must need something, but that's not always the case. Sometimes they just want something, and as parents, we all us different techniques to modify these behaviours in turn when we realize that the baby is fine. We start to show the baby ways to amuze itself. We turn on an overhead mobile or some music to calm the child. I'm saying that babies do what they do, and from the moment they're born, they start testing boundaries and figuring out where they fit in the world. They're not evil or devious at all. They're just finding out how smart their parents are.
Yesterday SonofV brightened my day with this unsolicited announcement, delivered with a touch of surprise (or perhaps that was me projecting...):
"Nobody in my class watched the debate last night!"
I must say I was proud of his pique. The night before we'd all watched the debate together, and he was hanging in there with us (Tink and me), listening to what they said, and generally copying our reactions. We all went for a walk after the program and I used the quiet time to ask him some questions about the debate. I can't remember the exact dialog, but he answered them all handily.
I asked him what the debate was all about, and he said they were trying to persuade people. What do you mean, persuade? You know, like if I asked you to loan me $50, and I said because I needed it that would be persuading. What people? The people in the audience and everybody in the country. I was astounded at this perceptive answer. How are they trying to persuade the people? (paraphrasing here, sorry) I'm going to be a good president, and the other guy is a poopyhead. Basically he understood that persuading can be effective as a pull and as a push.
I did have to check his enthusiasm when he answered one of my first questions "What did you think of McCain?" "He's a dick." ::eek: Ahh... no. He's not a dick, he wants the best for the country, but I don't agree with his choices or with his methods. SonofV shocked me with his, ahem, candor. I tried to get him back up out of the mud. I think there is no permanent damage.
And do they keep their pinkie fingers up when they're breastfeeding?
of course. up your nostril, usually.
Thank you, EVERYONE, for your feedback about my lil girl. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that simple CRYING when told no, is her way of saying, "BUT I WANT TO", whereas screaming at me and striking me (different from trying to push away from me to get to what she wants) is a bit more of the being defiant thing. The suggestions about consistency were very helpful; I'll keep that in mind. Right now the major thing we're working on is consistent bedtimes and not playing with electrical cords (no matter how well I think i have them put up out of the way, she still finds ways to pull them and grab them!) So yeah; every day's something new. Thanks again for all the input!
I felt I was doing something right when my young 2 year old...
1) puts herself to bed on night 3 of being in her 'big-girl bed' without prompting...she just wandered off to her room and shut the door behind her
2) waits in line behind another little monkey after a worker at the local Meijer superstore read a book to kids on a Halloween event day ...just to MAKE SURE the girl heard her say 'thank you' for reading her the book.
Are 2 year olds supposed to do this stuff?!? Seriously, her birthday was on 10-4, she's just only 2. She creeps me out some days.
Sounds like you have a lovely little girl on your hands there SquidGirl. Keep up the good parenting I say. :)
She's a Libra - duh! We are naturally smart early. :0)
Dad helped pull out the pup's tooth #2 last night. She only got $2 this time. ;)
When you allow yourself to be "manipulated" it leads to secure attachment which innoculates against all manner of ick in their lives. Bravo!
I agree. Bravo to Griff.
My little 'uns have always deftly twisted me around their little fingers and darn it, they're turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty much agreeing to that, Griff. I think I probably had my parents wrapped around my finger and I am very close to them. I can't remember them being too disciplinarian. My mom seemed more my friend than my mom but as I get older I realize she just had a different approach with parenting rather than your 'typical' parent. I also didn't really have kids to grow up with and hung out with my parents and their friends a lot. Vathana notices Miette gets super whiny around me sometimes and I think he recently realized it's not a bad thing. She just has a different comfort with me than everyone else. I'm the same way. I can be uncensored around V. I can be whiny around him :P
I'd just written this long post for here and i lost it. What a dick. Anyway, Aden got in trouble at school the other day for 'man handling' another student who had killed a slug. He's written a statement for his teacher whom I have a meeting with this afternoon after school.
This is the statement:
As an advocate of animal rights I believe all animals should have a right to live, not die how we choose they should die. I love animals even the small types of animals like a slug or an insect. They don't have a voice so we should speak for them. We could have killed the slug then and there but we all decided we should let it go. It's horrible to kill a living creature...it's just like killing a human being only its smaller and it can’t speak for itself. I want to be a vet so I can help animals like that if they can be helped. When I see someone trying to kill something like a plover or its babies I get so angry and don’t think before I act.
Would you like it if you were an animal, with no way out, getting something thrown at you or wacked with a stick? I sure wouldn't. One time when I was in Samoa we found a puppy with maggots in it and it just made me cry and as soon as we could we put it out of its misery...That is one time you can kill a living creature, when it has no chance of survival.
I realize now that violence was not the best way of dealing with this situation, even though I was really upset. I don’t think it’s fair that Kodi and Caleb should get away with killing a living creature even if it was ‘just a slug’. I think it would be better for them if they learned how important all our animals are and why we should protect them instead of killing them.
I’m sorry if I harmed them. I know now that my actions made me just as bad as them and I am ashamed of losing my temper. I intend to work on this from now on and I’m going to do some research on how to peacefully get my message across in future using words and actions rather than my strength to overpower others.
Awww....and it was all over a slug...how cute. How old is Aden?
Absolutely charming. Give him a hug for me, willya? :)
He'd get along great with my daughter, who has a hizzy if someone should smash a spider or something. All bugs in the house must be carefully transported back outdoors.
He's 12. :) Starting high school next year, so not a baby anymore, but still my baby...specially when he does things like that.
Juni...i think there's quite a lot of kids that're developing a conscience much younger than we might have. It gives me hope for the future.
Hey, both 12 years old - too bad so far apart! Pen pals? :)
Hey, both 12 years old - too bad so far apart! Pen pals? :)
lol - they may text each other or email, but pen pals? Didn't that die back when I was young - a looooong time ago.
What is this "pen" you speak of? Does it have bluetooth?
Hey, both 12 years old - too bad so far apart! Pen pals? :)
I think they could definitely become 'pen pals' or whatever the modern definition is of that these days. Ask your daughter if she's interested and if so, I'll PM you Aden's email addy. :)
Like most boys he's not the greatest at correspondance, but he does keep in touch with his cousin on the other side of the country via email.
I'd just written this long post for here and i lost it. What a dick. Anyway, Aden got in trouble at school the other day for 'man handling' another student who had killed a slug. He's written a statement for his teacher whom I have a meeting with this afternoon after school.
This is the statement:
As an advocate of animal rights I believe all animals should have a right to live, not die how we choose they should die. I love animals even the small types of animals like a slug or an insect. They don't have a voice so we should speak for them. We could have killed the slug then and there but we all decided we should let it go. It's horrible to kill a living creature...it's just like killing a human being only its smaller and it can’t speak for itself. I want to be a vet so I can help animals like that if they can be helped. When I see someone trying to kill something like a plover or its babies I get so angry and don’t think before I act.
Would you like it if you were an animal, with no way out, getting something thrown at you or wacked with a stick? I sure wouldn't. One time when I was in Samoa we found a puppy with maggots in it and it just made me cry and as soon as we could we put it out of its misery...That is one time you can kill a living creature, when it has no chance of survival.
I realize now that violence was not the best way of dealing with this situation, even though I was really upset. I don’t think it’s fair that Kodi and Caleb should get away with killing a living creature even if it was ‘just a slug’. I think it would be better for them if they learned how important all our animals are and why we should protect them instead of killing them.
I’m sorry if I harmed them. I know now that my actions made me just as bad as them and I am ashamed of losing my temper. I intend to work on this from now on and I’m going to do some research on how to peacefully get my message across in future using words and actions rather than my strength to overpower others.
When my middle daughter was 7, I accidentally ran over a snail with her sister's stroller. We were on the way to school, and in a hurry, She was VERY upset, told me I had murdered the snail. I said nope, an accident, so only snailslaughter.
I'd just written this long post for here and i lost it. What a dick. Anyway, Aden got in trouble at school the other day for 'man handling' another student who had killed a slug. He's written a statement for his teacher whom I have a meeting with this afternoon after school.
This is the statement:
As an advocate of animal rights I believe all animals should have a right to live, not die how we choose they should die. I love animals even the small types of animals like a slug or an insect. They don't have a voice so we should speak for them. We could have killed the slug then and there but we all decided we should let it go. It's horrible to kill a living creature...it's just like killing a human being only its smaller and it can’t speak for itself. I want to be a vet so I can help animals like that if they can be helped. When I see someone trying to kill something like a plover or its babies I get so angry and don’t think before I act.
Would you like it if you were an animal, with no way out, getting something thrown at you or wacked with a stick? I sure wouldn't. One time when I was in Samoa we found a puppy with maggots in it and it just made me cry and as soon as we could we put it out of its misery...That is one time you can kill a living creature, when it has no chance of survival.
I realize now that violence was not the best way of dealing with this situation, even though I was really upset. I don’t think it’s fair that Kodi and Caleb should get away with killing a living creature even if it was ‘just a slug’. I think it would be better for them if they learned how important all our animals are and why we should protect them instead of killing them.
I’m sorry if I harmed them. I know now that my actions made me just as bad as them and I am ashamed of losing my temper. I intend to work on this from now on and I’m going to do some research on how to peacefully get my message across in future using words and actions rather than my strength to overpower others.
Y'see I think this is great, but not because it shows what a nice, compassionate individual he is, but more because he's got the whole excuse/sob-story/get-out-of-jail-free thing pegged. :D
He has to learn how to weasel out of things. Its what sets mankind apart from the animals. Except weasels.
Yes... weasels are the expert at weaseling. Perhaps he should take a few lessons just to polish off his technique?
Believe it or not, he was sincere with what he wrote. His teacher even noted that she felt he wasn't just saying what they wanted to hear in order to get out of further punishment/disciplinary action.
I guess it's hard for some people to believe that other people's kids have a conscience though. I'm just glad my sons both appear to have one.
It's all about sincerity.
Learn to fake that and you've got it made. :D
-- George Burns
Well the interesting thing is he hasn't complained about his detentions. He's taken them on the chin.
I admire him for that.
I guess it's hard for some people to believe that other people's kids have a conscience though. I'm just glad my sons both appear to have one.
Ali I don't think people
really believe that - but it's just
such a perfect answer, it's fun to assume it had an ulterior motive.
I have to say that the only time in my life I had detention I was let off by the Headmaster. Why? Well I hadn't done my homework. For the second or third week running. I was set "in school" detention (most common at my school as children travelled home all over the county on special buses). I had to give up 40 minutes of my lunch hour, and a desk was set for me right outside the staff room.
Then the Head came past and couldn't believe I was in detention. He knew me from the school play, the carol concert and the athletics team. He asked if I had finished the work I had been set (I had) and then set me free. So what it taught me was the age old proverb - it's not what you've done, it's who likes me. Or something like that.
The sad thing was, it was English Lit, which I loved. And Ms Knox, who everyone else loved. I just didn't like how she tried to make English accessible! and fun! I didn't want fun, I wanted serious books and books about books and poetry, and books about poetry, and poetry about books. Not bloody Adrian Mole. And yet at the end of the year she was so very nice to me when I left her class. Ah well.
Ali I don't think people really believe that - but it's just such a perfect answer, it's fun to assume it had an ulterior motive.
Well it'd be a shame if my son happened to read that people would prefer to think the worst when he's trying to do his best.
Also, it's not so much that the comment was made. It's the person who decided it'd be funny to do so in the first place. It's pretty hard for me to believe that it came from the 'goodness of her heart' and not just her taking an opportunity to be nasty once again.
Such is life. Some things never change.
I do believe he cares for animals, of all sorts, because my daughter does too.The same year asthe snailslaughter incident, she was nearly late for school one day, rescuing earthworms that had washed into the street during a rainstorm.
It is easy to be compassionate about puppies and kittens. Caring about slugs and worms is a much higher degree of compassion, IMHO.
There's an ethical dilemma for you. I am a (non-strict) vegetarian, but I kill mosquitoes. I figure self defence counts.
In highschool, one lunchtime a bunch of us were sitting on the lawn, and we noticed a spider and started looking at it. one bratty lad leaped into the circle and stomped on it.
Cue a ten-person beatdown. Not enough to do him actual injury, but plenty enough to express strong social disapproval for this act. It was so crowded it was all I could do to land a few punches on his back.
My Aunt & Uncle came over to visit from Australia about 11 years ago, bringing my young cousin. It coincided with my nephew's baptism, which was nice.
The party was held at my sister's MIL's house, and as things were quite crowded a group of us were stood in the front garden, eating cardboard sandwiches and drinking warm white wine.
Mum spotted a ladybird on a rose bush, and pointed it out to Hannah, expecting her to be delighted, and say, "Ladybird, ladybird fly away home..." and make a wish or some such girly nonsense. No. Mum obviously sent a mixed message about what action was expected.
"Where?" she cried eagerly, "I'll kill it! I'll kill it!" Obviously worried that someone else was going to horn in on her stomping rights.
Of course at the time I wrote it off as the difference between Australian and British wildlife, in that ours rarely kills. I assumed all Australian children had the instinctive reaction to squish first and ask questions later. Now I find out it is not a national trait, so I can only assume she's a sociopath. Which will be interesting when she visits next year!
I don't know too many kids here who'd want to squish a lady bird. I know when I was kid I used to want to look at them and let them crawl on my finger etc and I used to try to look for the different types of patterns on them too.
Some kids just have a killer instinct I guess.
Well, you obviously don't have venomous ladybirds over there. The ones here will knock you stone cold dead inside of twenty minutes if they so much as touch your skin. And they love the taste of human sweat, too, so it's kill or be killed.
He knew me from [list][*]the school play[*]the carol concert[*]and the athletics team[/list]
No wonder you didn't have time to finish your homework! :angel:
Well, you obviously don't have venomous ladybirds over there. The ones here will knock you stone cold dead inside of twenty minutes if they so much as touch your skin. And they love the taste of human sweat, too, so it's kill or be killed.
You really shouldn't scare the foreigners like that Zen. lol You know they'll believe anything you tell them. ;)
Well it'd be a shame if my son happened to read that people would prefer to think the worst when he's trying to do his best.
Also, it's not so much that the comment was made. It's the person who decided it'd be funny to do so in the first place. It's pretty hard for me to believe that it came from the 'goodness of her heart' and not just her taking an opportunity to be nasty once again.
Such is life. Some things never change.
Aden will develop a method to cope with this reaction, because it will be with him always. Personally, I think his response as described in his note should be sincere, regardless of his motive. If he is indeed so compassionate as to be moved to violence over the death of a slug, bully for him. If he's a young master of manipulation, that's great too. He'll have to live with either one, it doesn't matter which.
What I want to get across is that he should be true to himself, period. Because if he's a "goody two shoes" some people will disbelieve their eyes and suspect him. If he's a deceitful trickster, good people will be fooled. It is impossible to satisfy them all. Others will see what ever they want to see in his actions. Let those actions be true.
Personally, I think he's got a good heart and honestly believed the slug was murdered. Good on him. May I offer this?
Do good anyway...
"In the Final Analysis"
by Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered...
forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives...
be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies...
succeed anyway
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you...
be honest and frank anyway
What you may spend years building, someone may destroy overnight...
build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous...
be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow...
do good anyway
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough...
give the world the best you have anyway
You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God...
it was never between you and them anyway.
I do believe he cares for animals, of all sorts, because my daughter does too.The same year asthe snailslaughter incident, she was nearly late for school one day, rescuing earthworms that had washed into the street during a rainstorm.
Me too. Yesterday morning in fact.
Last night at his graduation my son won the maths award. We were so proud. We were all fairly certain he was going to get it because he's been achieving outstanding results all year, but it was nice for him to be rewarded for his efforts.
I don't know what happens at Primary school graduations in other schools or countries, but last night was a dinner dance type affair with speaches and awards etc. All the kids had a great time, but it was a long night for all considering it went for 4 hours.
One thing I was shocked about, and I have to say, was the way some of the girls were dressed. Seriously, is it normal for them to be wearing designer style dresses with diamonte necklaces and earings with full make up? On top of that, to arrive in a stretch limo? I seriously could not believe my eyes. They nearly fell out on the table at some of them. Of course there were some who were dressed modestly as 12 year old girls should be in my opinion, but I just could not believe my eyes. I could not believe that their parents felt it was ok for them to dress like that either. Most of them don't even have boobs yet ffs.
Anyway, it was an experience for me that's for sure. I'll be having a talk to my sons about the way some of the kids were dressed and see what he thinks. He just had on a long sleeved collared shirt with dark pants and leather shoes. He chose to 'be cool' and not tuck his shirt and have his sleeves rolled up much to my dismay. There were quite a number of boys who chose a similar style of dress though, so I guess that's the fashion these days.
I'm getting old. I must be.
Welcome to the "old" club. Good job sonofA and mom!
I don't know that I'd call it "normal". Even now I reserve the right to veto an outfit - and have. But there were some kids (and parents) that went way overboard on the eighth grade graduation.
OK, this post is just a sickening brag about myself and my boys, but I'm showing you anyway.
For Christmas, I gave Aden's two teachers a gift voucher for a nights accomodation at Binna Burra eco resort. It's way more than I would normally spend on a gift for a teacher, but these two ladies have had Aden for two years now and I think they've done a spectacular job with his education. They've helped him become the mature and responsible young man he is now and because of their guidance, discipline and support, he's going to enter high school with a solid base of knowledge which should stand him in good stead.
So anyway, here comes the brag bit. This was the email response I recieved this morning from one of the teachers:
Hi Trish,
Aden gave me your Christmas card and voucher today. I'm speechless! Honestly, and I don't need to tell you that you didn't need to give me anything. Thank you for your astonishing generosity and kind words.
I feel incredibly privileged to have had Aden in my class for my first two years as a teacher. I mean it. I think he's awesome. He's the perfect mix of boyish and deep, and the perfect mix of super-confident and humble, and of cheeky and sweet. I love his stories.
You've done such a great job with your boys. You should hear the CHSS staff talk about them! Everyone thinks that both of them are stunning, in every way. They're exceptional. I think you should write a book on parenting – imagine a world full of kids that turn out like Aden and Mav. Almost as cool as a world affected by Aden and Mav.
I also have to say how much I've enjoyed communicating with you during the past two years. Your emails are funny as well as insightful. I've really appreciated it.
Thanks again!
- Diana
Nice. Don't forget to tell the boys how proud you are.
I tell them all the time dar. :) I think the fact that they get positive feedback from us at home all the time is what helps them be such good students and people in general.
If/when I lose my temper and say something negative, I can always see very clearly what a terrible impact it has on them immediately. I'm not one of those pop psychology mothers though. I believe very much in corporal punishment in some circumstances, but I find it's very rarely needed if kids know you mean it when you say it's coming.
Anyway, watch out for the book. lol I'm sure most people would find my parenting style to be quite controversial so maybe it'd be a best seller.
I admire you, Ali. Now I wanna move to Australia so you can teach me how to make Christmas cake.
YOu don't need me to teach you case. I put the recipe up in the food forum. ;)
Yes, but I was hoping to use the Christmas cake as an excuse just to go to Australia and hang with ya.
Oh cool! Well you just let me know whenever you're ready. :) I'll even supply the ingredients and somewhere to crash.
I have enjoyed my rereading of this thread immensely. I'd like to hear more from some of the folks who've posted here about their more recent adventures in parenting. Some are still around, some are not. I'm still around, and so is SonofV. We had this wonderful exchange the other day.
We'd been talking about stuff that goes on in his life; you all know I strive to keep in touch with what's going on with them. Some of the influences in his life are bringing new ideas to his attention. I'm all for him learning about new things, but I do worry that he might misinformed or mislead. It didn't quite rise to the level of a sermon, but I wanted to communicate to him the importance of keeping an open mind, the importance of understanding the motivation of the source, and the importance of thinking for himself. That's what I thought I was getting across, but I know there was a lot of blah blah blah in the middle there...
I asked him if he understood and his response was "Yeah. Evaluate, adapt, execute."
I almost drove off the road.
That was so poetic, so appropriate, so accurate, I wondered where he'd heard it. It wasn't me. (I'm *totally* stealing it though.) I asked him to post it to my facebook wall so I wouldn't forget it (I was driving after all and I wanted to make sure I remembered it.) I later tried to find where he'd read it or heard it... I couldn't find such a reference that was the likely source, so I'm going to credit his own cognition.
Evaluate, adapt, execute. Words to live by.
Great! I'm using that one also!
That's fantastic. I've heard similar (but not exact) phrases in sales and military training. Most excellent analysis and extraction by SonofV.
My G-daughter is 8, and has been living in Central Oregon til recently.
As G-parents we're often not up to date what her Mom has told her about sex or staying safe, etc.
There's an ad running on TV now I've only heard twice.
I still don't know what it's about, but this morning an idea struck me
as being simple enough for kids of all ages to get a safety message, without being scary.
In the ad, a woman's voice says:
"Never trust anyone who tells you to keep a secret"
As a parent I'd add something like:
"If anyone does, come tell me about it... no secrets between us"
.
My son is 7-1/2 and a S.F. Giants fan. We are traveling to Florida next week for Spring Break and I mentioned to him "hey we are in Florida when baseball season starts. Maybe if we are lucky the Giants are playing the Marlins" and he said that he hates the Marlins because "they hurt Buster Posey".
Note to self: this kid knows how to hold a grudge.
Ouch.
[YOUTUBE]B-DZ9F76WCo[/YOUTUBE]
I hope your son and you do get to enjoy some baseball. Even rooting against can be fun.
This was just before the election five years ago when the candidates for president debated each other.
Yesterday SonofV brightened my day with this unsolicited announcement, delivered with a touch of surprise (or perhaps that was me projecting...):
"Nobody in my class watched the debate last night!"
I must say I was proud of his pique. The night before we'd all watched the debate together, and he was hanging in there with us (Tink and me), listening to what they said, and generally copying our reactions. We all went for a walk after the program and I used the quiet time to ask him some questions about the debate. I can't remember the exact dialog, but he answered them all handily.
I asked him what the debate was all about, and he said they were trying to persuade people. What do you mean, persuade? You know, like if I asked you to loan me $50, and I said because I needed it that would be persuading. What people? The people in the audience and everybody in the country. I was astounded at this perceptive answer. How are they trying to persuade the people? (paraphrasing here, sorry) I'm going to be a good president, and the other guy is a poopyhead. Basically he understood that persuading can be effective as a pull and as a push.
I did have to check his enthusiasm when he answered one of my first questions "What did you think of McCain?" "He's a dick." ::eek: Ahh... no. He's not a dick, he wants the best for the country, but I don't agree with his choices or with his methods. SonofV shocked me with his, ahem, candor. I tried to get him back up out of the mud. I think there is no permanent damage.
Fast forward almost five years ---->
Mom(ofV) and SonofV filling out their ballots for the primary election, SonofV's first!
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SonofV diligently reading the voter's pamphlet, learning about the candidates for mayor. Though he liked the name of one candidate, "Goodspaceguy" (Yes, really.), he didn't like much else about him and voted for someone else.
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The three of us in a wobbly, poorly aimed selfie, but I'm as proud as I can be!
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V I felt I missed the chance to comment on your green beard by the time I saw it.
But I did think you looked mighty fine.
This time I can comment not just on physical appearance, but on your most excellent family and values too.
Good on you and Mum and Son-of-V.
Even if your candidate doesn't win you have taken on the yoke of elective democracy. This is cool potatoes.
BTW, I'm only buttering you up so that when I win a plane ticket to Seattle you will introduce me to some roller-derby-girlz :rolleyes:
ETA of course that's not true. Except for wanting to be introduced.
And the bit about the butter.
Minifob's new bedtime habit is to fall asleep listening to NPR. He doesn't understand half (or more) of what they're talking about, of course, but he loves to try.
Minifob's new bedtime habit is to fall asleep listening to NPR. He doesn't understand half (or more) of what they're talking about, of course, but he loves to try.
This is what I refer to, in parenting terms, as "rad" or "totally rad"
The mini-Pooka informed us, months ago, mid-Kindergarten, that reading at night "helps her mind to settle down," so that she can go to sleep.
I told her, "I do the same thing!"
I don't know when I learned this trick, but I
damn well know that it wasn't anywhere near Kindergarten.
The kids got something frighteningly smarter than I am, in their mother's genes.
During these long, light nights I've found my choice of reading material (or occasional TV series) influences my dreams. Given I've been watching Hannibal and The Returned, and reading crime novels, I've certainly not been settled down :(
Mini-Pooks probably hasn't been reading about evisceration underground in the Peak District though.
I've taken to listening to (BBC Sports Radio) 5 Live at night. I tend to wake up at 02.00 to find the radio is still softly on, talking about rugby or cricket somewhere in the Southern hemisphere. I'm like Minifob - barely understand it, but it's a comforting sound.
Dad
My ears are in love
Do tell.
Sarah Vaughn, has a voice and musical talent made in heaven
She sings along with the music so perfectly that I'm in awe
As well you should be, she is a legendary talent.
What song?
September song
That's the type of jazz I love
Cool.
[SIZE="1"]Off to check out "September Song".[/SIZE]
A kid that age liking Sarah Vaughan, that's a little reassuring.
Pretty damned impressive V.
Has he listened to any Miles Davis at all?
BigV "think I'm doing something right"
Was there doubt at some point????
I thought, that, as a parent, there was always doubt.
Like "Is this the one that grows up to be a serial killer?".
no, thats my nephew. He even has the crazy eyes...