Cellar F.C.
Today is a glorious day. The funding has been secured, fields have been leased, and the coaching staff has been hired. Well, really he is only one guy and we found him wandering around in a corner of the cellar mumbling something about balls so we are going to assume he is qualified. Either way, today is the formal launch for Cellar Football Club. Cellar F.C. may be young and lacking in some refinements, such as players, equipment, skills, and the like but we are certain that she'll be the finest Football Club virtually anywhere.
Order of business today is to get our initial line up. As this project was started in another thread a couple of positions are already taken but there are plenty of choices left. So step right up and tell me your favorite position.
[CENTER]Bruce/Keeper
RB --------- Griff/ CB ------Wolf/CB --------Classic/LB
Rmid--------Cmid -------Cmid --------Lmid
SleeveHallas/RFWD ------ HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
We'll need each of these positions filled and three subs for the bench.
We also need someone to design our shield, uniforms, and team motto. Our current motto Throw the game or we'll shank you seems to lack something.
Come on people let's get started. Everyone learns, everyone plays, everyone will receive a participation award.
I am soo freakin in - please please please can I play defense????
"Ball or the man NEVER both" is my motto. Usually its the ball, because I took out the man.. :D
I think you're missing a few positions: ROFL, RTFM and STFU
What's the position where you shoot the ball a couple times with a pump shotgun and maybe wrap up someone annoying in the net, leaving them to hang from the top bar of the goal crying like a girl?
I want that one.
Those positions will come into play once the games start, HLJ. Classic, you're in. Be prepared, you may have to move up to Dmid, though. Wolf, you are so IN. Try to use a concealable weapon though.
Come on folks, I really prefer an all volunteer team rather than draftees. The shock collars draftees are fitted with come out of our after game beer budget.
Classic, you're in. Be prepared, you may have to move up to Dmid, though.
I love playing mid or FB - you can switch me back and forth. Oh, I'm a lefty too. I want LJ as the sweeper!
If LJ wants to play(which I hope he does) I've got my eye on that second forward position. I think having a mr incredible look-alike upfront might intimidate the CB's and keeper. That and I wouldn't trust him behind me. He'd be the type to run by and tug your shorts around your ankles.
good point, make the big guy a forward. He can run over or through the d-backs.
Back during the couple years I played for the school team in high school, the coach would always play me at right striker, and then put me into games (rarely) at halfback.
Hmmm. Well, I can slide the left handed/righteyed mutant to left forward and put good ol' SD into the right striker position then. I assume we won't be having any toe issues?
I am so arrogant that I'll be a player/coach. That means I can slot in as any of the open positions, although I prefer CM or RB.
If middies are all about tenacity, I'd like to nominate Radar, tw, and UG. More hustle than brains... ;)
That could be difficult. In my team structures the Mids must have excellent situational awareness, true understanding of the other team's strengths as well as their weaknesses, and above all an immense amount of flexibility. ;)
I'm in.
Is there a position where you can just kind of sit around and not be too aggressive?
not aggressive as in running away from the game or don't want to attack forward but i won't let anyone by me?
Hmmm. Well, I can slide the left handed/righteyed mutant to left forward and put good ol' SD into the right striker position then. I assume we won't be having any toe issues?
I'd suggest Waterboy..
not aggressive as in running away from the game or don't want to attack forward but i won't let anyone by me?
The second one, I suppose.
I don't care as long as I'm on the left.....
It will be interesting to see whether it's easier to work with Cellarites or 6-year olds.
:lol2:
My money is on the 6 year olds
here's where we be then:
[CENTER]Bruce/Keeper
UT/RB--------- Griff/ CB ------Wolf/CB --------Classic/LB
Rmid--------Lookout/Cmid -------Glatt/Holding mid --------Dani/Lmid
SleeveHallas/RFWD ------ HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
2 positions plus subs left to fill.
Subs:
Clodfobble/Keeper
OK. Just point me in the right direction and tell me whose ankle to kick.
I told you in the other thread, I'll be a keeper sub. I'm good at getting hit with stuff.
RB I'll glare at the stands until halftime. Nobody's talking shit about us.
OK, we need another mid and two subs. we can accept additional subs if we suddenly get more interest in joining this fine club. Don't fool yourselves into thinking this will be all glory with no work. I expect each of you to be training in your spare time. Every morning you should start with pushups, situps, stretches, and a brisk two mile run. When you arrive at practice be ready to work.
I'll get to work on setting some games up now. Get in shape.
No, no I kid, I kid the coach. I'm ready to work Sir.
:haha: Nice. Give me two laps.
Yeah, seriously.;)
I played rugby for 12 years I guess I could learn to keep my hands off with practice.
So many jokes. So little time.
[CENTER]Bruce/Keeper
UT/RB--------- Griff/ CB ------Wolf/CB --------Classic/LB
Merc/Rmid--------Lookout/Cmid -------Glatt/Holding mid --------Dani/Lmid
SleeveHallas/RFWD ------ HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
Clodfobble is our only sub at the moment.
I'm in of course.
Who we gonna play? And where's the rule book?? ;)
Wait, I can't do this... when I played we had four forwards!
[CENTER]Bruce/Keeper
UT/RB--------- Griff/ CB ------Wolf/CB --------Classic/LB
Ratalicious/Rmid--------Merc/Cmid -------Glatt/Holding mid --------Dani/Lmid
SleeveHallas/RFWD ------ HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
I'm on the bench with Clodfobble.
Here's the deal, I've gotten our schedule and I'm not going to lie. It looks tough. There are some pretty strong teams in the division, but League Management believes this is where we belong. They believe it and I believe it. I've been watching the progress you've all made in practice and I like what I see.
The bad news is our first game is tomorrow. We have a 12:05 first touch so get your rest, get a good carb load, and no sex tonight. Yes Merc, that means keep your hands off too. We are playing the third place team from last session, The Devilish Decimals. They're a bunch of accountants from the IRS building downtown. For that reason let's all make sure not to let Radar in the stadium.
As I said, first touch is at 12:05. That means I will be accepting PM's up until that point from anyone (OPEN TO ALL DWELLARS, NOT JUST THOSE PLAYING ON THE TEAM) who can be arsed to send one. in the body of the message, not the greeting line, enter a score and one or two game highlights you would like to see happen. (please no alien invasions, I think getting all of us dwellars on one field is fantasy enough) I will open one and one only picked at random. That will be the final score of the game when I make my match report.
We will have a 10 game season. Weeks 1-8 will be regular games. Week 9 will be semi finals, Week 10 will be Championship or Consolation depending on outcome of the semifinal. Of course, the season could be called off due to weather, money, hemerhoids, or lack of participation.
Get some rest team.
[CENTER]Bruce/Keeper
UT/RB--------- Griff/ CB ------Wolf/CB --------Classic/LB
Ratalicious/Rmid--------Merc/Cmid -------Glatt/Holding mid --------Dani/Lmid
SleeveHallas/RFWD ------ HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
I'm on the bench with Clodfobble.
Blah blah blah.. and no sex tonight. .
In that case I'm already being subbed out :(
All I can say is play hard.
[COLOR="White"]
and quit lying you know that should be a smilie, not a frownie face.[/COLOR]
I'll give you that one, err rather you're right! :D
In which time zone are we playing? I'm preparing for jet lag.
Show me the money! :eyebrow:
In my day I developed a fine kick technique. Which worked out when I went into goal, cos I took all the goal kicks. LR, when I've got the ball on my foot, go long. Just take off.
I'm afraid I'm not fit enough to play on the field. But I have great experience in barracking the ref from the terraces and am happy to lead the other supporters in any number of terrace songs.
I also volunteer to run on with a sponge and a bucket of water when someone gets hurt. And I'll cut up the half time oranges. Although these may be a feature of English amateur football, rather than worldwide.
Is there any sort of commitment of real world time to this effort? I like maximum return on my zero investment.
As long as I'm not required to actually *do* anything, I'd love to be a sub. Or I could just clean up the streamers and chaff from the field after the riot.
I don't have a soccer ball, so I spent about 15 minutes kicking a basketball against the living room wall (barefoot, of course). I would have done longer, but I was told to "go outside and kick a tree."
Now my big toe hurts.
And I'm ready to learn this game you call football.
Excellent, excellent. SG you are the official President and Director-at-Large for Cellar F.C. Supporters' Trust. If there is any dispute or cause for concern to the supporters about the way Cellar F.C. is performing or operating you will be the liaison. In addition your experience will be needed in the stands. American sports fans don't create songs for players and teams, they scream, shout, and whistle. We need you to teach them how it's done. You may also be called upon to get the bucket and sponge, but I believe we have a true iron man squad so it should be unnecessary.
Orange slices rock regardless of your accent. Unless you are allergic, then they suck.
Elspode, Cellar F.C. is a very serious organization and it will require a high level of commitment. I believe the same level of commitment you have shown the "labrat's ass" thread should suffice. You may either be a sub (but no grabassing) or you may be Sundae Gal's assistant (grabassing encouraged).
Well done HLJ. build up those callouses.
Last bit of business: I really do need PM's with scoreline scenarios. At this point I have only response and that pretty much eliminates the "chosen at random" portion of this endeavour.
Hey coach, any chance of getting a female with a hot looking ass to play in front of me.
My favourite football chant was from the Bolton/Bury derby. The two towns have an intense rivalry but Bury became contained within Bolton on some issues: like for example postal districts. Both towns have a postcode beginning with BL.
The Bolton fans: " There ain't no L in Bury!...So why are you using our postcode?"
Can't fault it.
[eta] that last sentence is a common manc statement of approval.
Here I be, in the keepers goal
Seeing, no friendly faces, from this hole
My team consists, as any keeper knows
Of ten jerseys, with assholes & elbows
My favourite local chant is when Aylesbury play High Wycombe. Wycombe is bigger, closer to London and has better facilities. But it's still in Bucks - of which Aylesbury is the County Town.
So the fans sing, "County Town, you wish you were, County Town, you wish you were..." (to the tune of Tom Hark by the Piranhas)
It makes me giggle because it's so petty.
Assignment for the weekend: Come up with a pump-up-the-team chant to
this music. Or better yet,
this.
UT: your request was noted.
[CENTER]Bruce/Keeper
UT/RB--------- Griff/ CB ------Wolf/CB --------Classic/LB
Ratalicious/Rmid--------Merc/Cmid -------Glatt/Holding mid --------Dani/Lmid
SleeveHallas/RFWD ------ HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
two and a half hours til first touch. This is our starting 11 and I feel good about things. We've got age and experience up front. Strength and stability in the center with speed, finesse, and stamina on the wings. Our centerbacks are strong, solid, and brutally unafraid of anything that might be thrown at them. We have a left back with the desire to charge forward when he can but the wisdom to cover his defensive duties. Our right back tends to be a little shy early on, but I think he'll warm up to the situation and once he does... what a thunderous right boot.
Those Devilish Decimals can be tricky though. They are IRS agents so watch yourselves. They can be smiling right in front of you and yet still manage to raid your back door without so much as a thank you.
That's it. Everyone hydrate, lace up your boots, and relax for a bit.
Boots?
This will be fun. I've never played football before - or even watched.
Wait, I can't do this... when I played we had four forwards!
looks all arse about face to me too.
Since all the spots are taken, I'll settle for encouraging articulations for our team and cutting epithets to the opponents and game officials.
Boots?
This will be fun. I've never played football before - or even watched.
Yes boots. And get them polished before the first game so we can look smart. Shirts tucked in. Clean shaven. Eat well and hydrate up. I hate the IRS.
As I mentioned before I felt really good about our chances going into this game. The team is a little on the raw side, having not played together before, but I believe all the pieces are there. Speed, power, sarcasm… what more could a coach ask for?
The stands were surprisingly full. Whether they were mostly gawkers or not, I’m not sure, but[COLOR="Red"] Sundae Girl [/COLOR]did a magnificent job organizing the supporters’ section. I didn’t understand all the words to some of the songs, so she can fill us in on that later. It was a very unexpected, but pleasant surprise, when [COLOR="Red"]LJ[/COLOR] stumbled in half drunk wearing Elton John sunglasses and a straw hat, right before the whistle. He was escorted by the ever lovely [COLOR="Red"]Jinx[/COLOR] and [COLOR="Red"]Ducksnuts[/COLOR]. There was a rumor that [COLOR="Red"]Razzmatazz[/COLOR] was going to make an appearance but I didn’t see her.
Anyway, 12:05 came and it was off to the races. The DD’s started right in attacking from the opening moments. Our team looked tentative as everyone tried to settle in and work together. To be honest I was a little concerned with [COLOR="Red"]HLJ[/COLOR]’s insistence he didn’t need shoes and [COLOR="Red"]Merc[/COLOR]’s preoccupation with [COLOR="Red"]Dani[/COLOR]’s ass. But after a few minutes our team stretched out and began to show promise. The DD’s were passing nicely and pushed down our left. Somehow they got around [COLOR="Red"]Classic[/COLOR] but fortunately [COLOR="Red"]Wolf[/COLOR] rushed up to clear the ball. Unfortunately, there was a bit of a tussle and the DD’s forward was cleared nearly as far as the ball. So the first real threat of the game came as the DD’s had a free kick from just outside and to the left of the box. [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] did an excellent job of screaming and yelling for a wall to be formed. The set up looked good but the DD forward really smashed it. It hit [COLOR="Red"]Merc[/COLOR], who was standing in the wall, and deflected to [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] who was just about to clear it when out of nowhere [COLOR="Red"]HLJ[/COLOR] ran up yelling “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!”. Unfortunately [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] was in full swing and couldn’t stop it and [COLOR="Red"]HLJ[/COLOR] wasn’t stopping. When they collided the ball came off [COLOR="Red"]HLJ[/COLOR] and fell into the net just out of [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR]’s reach. Goal. Own goal, in fact. Not exactly the start we wanted for our season, but oh well.
After [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] screamed at the players for the mistake and [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR]’s color returned to normal we lined everyone up and got back to it. [COLOR="Red"]Sleeve[/COLOR] made a nice little back pass to [COLOR="Red"]Merc[/COLOR] who slid it outside to [COLOR="Red"]Dani[/COLOR]. She cut in and switched it to the right where [COLOR="Red"]Ratter[/COLOR] was wide open. [COLOR="Red"]Rat[/COLOR] blasted it straight at the keeper who deflected it back into [COLOR="Red"]Merc[/COLOR]’s path. GOAL!!! Everyone was jumping up and down with excitement, we had actually scored our first goal! [COLOR="Red"]Merc[/COLOR], bless his heart, was so excited that he was running over to the bleachers to cheer with [COLOR="Red"]SG[/COLOR] and [COLOR="Red"]Elspode[/COLOR] when to our horror he was distracted by the DD’s little DD left winger. He was so busy staring at her that he didn’t even see the DD mascot, Decimal Dildo, until it was too late. They collided with a resounding thump and down they went. The mascot was ok, but [COLOR="Red"]Merc[/COLOR] got up mumbling something about restarting his engine. He was out.
I asked [COLOR="Red"]Clodfobble[/COLOR] to go in for him, but she refused to play anything but keeper. I asked [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] to move up but he pouted and said that he brought his new gloves for the game so he was staying in the goal for at least the first half. I[COLOR="Red"] Couldn’t argue with that logic, really. So without much choice, I coaxed [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] up to forward, Sleeve[/COLOR] into Right Back, moved [COLOR="Red"]Classic[/COLOR] into center mid and I took over Left back duties.
[COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] looked nervous up front but he did his job well. [COLOR="Red"]Classic[/COLOR] really stepped into his midfield general role quite well. He and [COLOR="Red"]Glatt[/COLOR] formed a good partnership in there and started to boss the game. As one moved forward the other would drop back in support. At one point [COLOR="Red"]Glatt[/COLOR] had the ball with two DD’s baring down on him so he made a neat backpass to [COLOR="Red"]Griff[/COLOR] who one touched it outside to [COLOR="Red"]Sleeve[/COLOR] who took two steps before booting it downfield to the sprinting [COLOR="Red"]Rat[/COLOR]. She took a touch to gain control then kept dribbling straight up the wing. [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] moved over into the center and [COLOR="Red"]Glatt[/COLOR] moved up to form a neat triangle. [COLOR="Red"]Rat[/COLOR] passed out to [COLOR="Red"]Glatt[/COLOR] who lofted it right up into the box where [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] shoved the defender aside before heading it home. GOAL!!! This time everyone calmly walked back to the line, very wary of the dangerous DD dildo.
After the restart [COLOR="Red"]HLJ[/COLOR] slid straight into his opposite number and came away with the ball. [COLOR="Red"]Classic[/COLOR] and [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] sprinted down the center with the ladies moving up the wings. The DD defense looked to be completely overwhelmed, as two converged on [COLOR="Red"]HLJ[/COLOR] he slid it out to [COLOR="Red"]Dani[/COLOR] who crossed it straight in for [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR]’s second header. GOAL!!! (Or HOME RUN!!! As [COLOR="Red"]LJ[/COLOR] bellowed drunkenly from the bleachers) Now it is 3-1 with two minutes left in the half. [COLOR="Red"]Rat[/COLOR] slammed a nice outside shot in off the post after cutting in around their left back. GOAL!!! 4-1 going into the break.
[COLOR="Red"]SG[/COLOR] came down holding a big bag of oranges and slapping [COLOR="Red"]Elpode[/COLOR]’s hand and telling him “not now”. [COLOR="Red"]Clodfobble[/COLOR] was ready to play but only as a keeper. [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] refused to play in tandem with anyone else so I was forced to change the structure. We moved to a 4-5-1 set up with [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] as the sole forward and [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] floating behind him. [COLOR="Red"]HLJ[/COLOR] was looking tired so he moved to Left Back and I resumed my spot on the sidelines. We had a bit of trouble as [COLOR="Red"]Dani[/COLOR] tried to organize a union on the sideline insisting that a 4-1 scoreline was unjust and asking if we couldn’t just add all the points together and then distribute them as needed. The rest of us shouted “NO!” and then it was back to the game.
I think the shine had come off the game a bit for the DD’s because they started playing a bit more cynically. There were a few harsh challenges but our team held up well. [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] scored one, but it was disallowed due to an offside call. He argued with the ref about stupid foreign rules and was warned with a yellow card. Soon after the other team pulled back a goal from a blinder of an outside shot, bringing the score to 4-2. The DD’s got a little pep back after that and charged hard. One of their midfielders took [COLOR="Red"]Griff[/COLOR] down pretty hard in the box, but there was no call given. Just a few minutes later it happened again. [COLOR="Red"]Griff[/COLOR] seemed to take it in stride but [COLOR="Red"]Wolf[/COLOR] was less than pleased I think. As the midfielder ran by her, [COLOR="Red"]Wolf[/COLOR] stuck her elbow out and took him clean off his feet. If that wasn’t enough to earn a PK, holding her finger out to him and shouting “Bang!” certainly was. Poor [COLOR="Red"]Clodfobble[/COLOR] couldn’t have stopped the penalty shot if her life depended on it. 4-3 with eight minutes left.
The DD’s really came on strong after that. It was a very tense ending to the game. [COLOR="Red"]Griff[/COLOR] charged forward and nearly scored only to be denied by the goalpost. [COLOR="Red"]Rat[/COLOR] and [COLOR="Red"]Dani[/COLOR] had a nice series of switches but we couldn’t capitalize on it because [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] was up front on his own. I’m hoping he’ll learn to work with his team a bit better from this but I’m not sure. He was demanding more money if I expected him to run. [COLOR="Red"]UT[/COLOR] had settled back and was playing some excellent holdup play but the team looked tired. [COLOR="Red"]Sleeve[/COLOR] did make one excellent run up the right side in support of the attack only to be scythed down under a questionable tackle.
All said and done I am extremely pleased. For our first game things came together quite well. We have some things to work on but that is what practice is for. I think some work needs to be done with the support as well. They were very boisterous in their first half singing but I noticed it kind of died off at the end. Last I looked, [COLOR="Red"]LJ[/COLOR] was holding the bag of oranges in one hand and slugging a 40 with the other. It appears that [COLOR="Red"]Elspode[/COLOR] was quite distraught at his failure to convince [COLOR="Red"]Jinx[/COLOR] and [COLOR="Red"]Ducksnuts[/COLOR] that a wet tshirt contest was in order, so [COLOR="Red"]SG[/COLOR] took him behind the bleachers for some sympathy.
Well done, team. Hit the showers, get some ice on the muscles. Tomorrow is another day.
5:00 +2 day shadow here - I'm a Fullback GDit!! No tucking in of shirts, ratty old boots and an attitude to match - Eff the IRS! I'm takin out the first one of them effers within range. Then I'll smile and say "Welcome to football, Celler style!"
[COLOR="Silver"](I might even spit in their general direction as I walk away...)[/COLOR]
Thanks to HLJ for some of the details. His PM was picked at random this time around.
Great write up! Very exciting. Did we win?
The man's a genius.
btw, when do we get our contracts?
We won 4-3.
Contracts will be reviewed, considered, and maybe even offered at the end of this season.
HLJ, you really threw me with some of the details I had to include. Good job.
Awesome - congrats all - see you at practice - or the bar, more likely the latter.
My favorite parts were when Dani was trying to distribute the points evenly among the teams, and when Wolf shot the opponent with her finger.
So it's entirely possible I'm retarded... but is "Dani" actually daniwong, or is it supposed to be Dana? Or someone else? I'm kind of befuddled.
Its Dana - the mid/forward.
Sorry about that Clodfobble. In chat (at least back when I was there) dana was dani, steve was sleeve, and labrat was one of a dozen variations. I just kind of grabbed it and ran without any explanation.
The stands were surprisingly full. Whether they were mostly gawkers or not, I’m not sure, but[COLOR="Red"] Sundae Girl [/COLOR]did a magnificent job organizing the supporters’ section. I didn’t understand all the words to some of the songs, so she can fill us in on that later.
Given that the other team weren't au fait with terrace songs, I'm afraid I took advantage a little. We had a couple of rousing choruses of, "You're not singing any more" and "Shit team, no fans". Still it gave our supporters a sense of identity and got them practised in the art.
As soon as I've identifed our main players I'll be able to teach our supporters some more specific songs in their praise.
Cellar til I die.
Cellar til I die.
::snatches new user title::
Thank you ma'am. :p
I loved that commercial Merc. OK everyone, breaks over. Get to practicing. If this 5 year old can do it, so can you.
[youtube]ORBUYfVYJKM&NR[/youtube]
So now's the time for the 'biscuit game' then isn't it?.....or is that rugby.
Sundae, I think at least one rousing chorus of "You're goin home in a fuckin ambulance!" is de rigueur.
So now's the time for the 'biscuit game' then isn't it?.....or is that rugby.
Sundae, I think at least one rousing chorus of "You're goin home in a fuckin ambulance!" is de rigueur.
Rugby, but we can do it anyway. I think we need a haka like The All Blacks. That would put some fear in them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Zvs4T4RU30so is it wrong that I could actually see all that happening while I was typing up the match report?
Rugby, but we can do it anyway. I think we need a haka like The All Blacks. That would put some fear in them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Zvs4T4RU30
That's what happens to crazy mutha's who slam into eachother without helmets.
I know it's a football thread, but a quick word about the haka.
I love it because although it could be quite ridiculous, the fact it is performed so intensely makes it exactly what it should be. Warlike and menacing.
Despite the varied ethnic backgrounds of the players, they show total commitment to it. I compare that to the slightly embarrassed singing of the English national anthem by our football players before an international match and sigh.
No offense but I think that is because some of your national team players are more committed to the $$ than the country. For all his faults Beckham is one of the few men in this generation that is still visibly moved by the honor of representing his country. An example of the other side of the coin is Ashley Cole.
You only say that because he left the Arse!
No, honestly, I think there are a number of reasons.
The Premier League have a huge number of games, and the players are under pressure to perform for the men who manage them and those that pay their wages - and they may not be English.
Add to that the fact that patriotism was a dirty word in England for a long time - the flag of St George was hijacked by the BNP and has only really made a comeback in the last 15 years or so (by people trying to distance themselves from Cool Brittania)
Also our national anthem is specifically religious and monarchist. I sing it with great pride because I love my country and I love singing and sod the fact I don't believe in the words. But even I admit it's far less evocative than a song that trumpets the virtues of its own singers (not knocking yours, I envy it - except for the range needed to sing it)
And finally, we are a pretty reserved nation in many ways. If your talent is for football, you probably dread the camera in your face before a national game, when you're judged on what is possibly not your strongest talent.
All that said - I still wish they'd perk up a bit. I just disagree with your hypothesis.
all fair points but one: I didn't like Ashley Cole even when he played at Arsenal. I've always thought he was an attention whoring little beeyotch.;)
I'm not a big fan of international football but my feeling is that if the player chooses to represent his country he should show a bit of pride in it. That goes for the US players too. I actually don't like quite a few of them for the same reason.
It's gonna take a lot of money to keep me out of the bleachers, with SG and her oranges. :yum:
It's good to know that you can be bought.
Sure, I can always take the money and a red card. :cool:
Why do you think they went for a volunteer Army?
God Save the Queen is an anthem that knows it can take its time....nobody's going anywhere until its finished.
When my best friend and I frequented the local rollerink as kids, we'd try to sneak out at the end of the session to beat the queues for our shoes....usually got stopped and thrown back into the rink, by the bouncers, to 'show some respect' for the anthem. Every session closed with the national anthem.
Sundae's right though, we don't really do that getting emotional in public as readily as some cultures.
In fact, Sundae, correct me if I'm wrong, but the standard and thoroughly ingrained response to hearing our national anthem is more usually to stand still trying to look suitably solemn whilst fidgeting uncomfortably and trying to mouth half remembered words.....I believe that is the culturally accepted norm.
Sundae's right though, we don't really do that getting emotional in public as readily as some cultures.
Then how do you explain football hooligans? :haha:
Ahhh.....violence we're more than comfortable with.
On a semi-serious note and quite as an aside, we've become a lot more demonstrative as a nation over the last fifteen years or so. The outpouring of public 'grief' over the death of Diana would have been inconceivable ten years earlier, certainly on anything like that scale.
Ha Ha, you fooled me. I thought for sure you'd say alcohol.:lol:
It seems to be a percentage of young men will always want to fight. Anger is an emotion, violence isn't. It seems like in every country there are violent clashes, riots, protests that end up in wanton destruction, bashing and clubbing and looting.
Sorry to be sexist, but that side of things is generally male. The equivilant women just embark on a campaign of emotional misery which probably causes more damage in the long run.
Ohh, downer!
Bruce you know that Nell Gwynne wasn't really an orange seller, right? It was a euphemism in those days. Just want to be clear about what you're expecting!?
What ever you're selling, I'm buying it. :blush:
It's true even on a virtual football team. The nutjob goalie always gets a hot chick!
Also, sorry Zengum - I didn't realize you'd volunteered to join the team in the other thread. You're in the squad now. The next game is a monday afternoon affair. Everyone make arrangements to be there.
Again, I want PM's from the lot of you. It can be simple and easy, just 20 seconds out of your life. I want the final score at least. A couple of match scenarios would also be nice, but not necessary.
I played sweeper in high school.
When I could run.
We're playing the Cool Arrows. They're a bunch of brash young hispanic kids. Their real player to watch is Ramos, a two footed central midfielder.
We need to see the squad you're putting up, in order to think of highlights!
[CENTER]Clodfobble/Keeper
UT/RB--------- Griff/ CB ------Wolf/CB --------Zengum/LB
Ratalicious/Rmid--------Classic/Cmid -------Glatt/Holding mid --------Dani/Lmid
SleeveHallas/RFWD ------ HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
Merc is out for the week due to concussion.
Bruce is out due to management displeasure at his request for a wage increase.
Lookout is on the bench.
No other players have approached the club to play as of yet.
Sorry I'm late, coach!
:: polishes boots ::
Also our national anthem is specifically religious and monarchist. I sing it with great pride because I love my country and I love singing and sod the fact I don't believe in the words. But even I admit it's far less evocative than a song that trumpets the virtues of its own singers (not knocking yours, I envy it - except for the range needed to sing it)
What about the verse they left out
Lord, grant that Marshal Wade,
May by thy mighty aid,
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush and like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush,
God save the King.
Rebellious Scots to Crush aye come ahead :D
I've got my crushing boots on!
Let's be having you!
I've got my crushing boots on!
Let's be having you!
:rotflol:
Unfortunately, the game was delayed by 24 hours due to circumstances only slightly under the coach's control. All tickets to the game will be honored tomorrow.
Phuucckkk....meeee...what a blistering hangover. You say the game ended three days ago? And why is my hand so goddamn sore? Oh..oh yeah. Something about SG repeatedly slapping it and tell me that "these are for Bruce". But she wasn't talking about oranges, was she?
I should be ready for the next game alright if I can just find that other keg of Guinness.
To the tune of Cliff's Spatula Boy:
when I was young, my father said
Son I have something to say
You'll be an Arrows fan
until your dying day
I-I said....
bollocks ya cunt, I'm a Cellar fan
and that's the way i'll stay
happy to be a cellarite
until my dying day.
by the way, I'll play if my knee is recovered. Don't put me in goal, though. I just need to wash the paintballs off my cleats.
To the tune of Land of Hope and Glory
We will follow the Cellar
Over land and sea (AND ARROWS!)
We will follow the Cellar
On to victory....
usually followed by
Get into 'em
Get into 'em
(repeat until only a small amount of people are joining in)
Can someone get Flint along?
We need at least one drum - ideally two
I have terrible rhythm, but if I can find an airhorn I'll bring it
Sorry for the delay folks, it was a cracker of a match. The word must be getting out because the stands were full. I was extremely happy to know we were at our home field. Even so, the Cool Arrows faithful were a large and roudy bunch. They had their catcalls, whistles, streamers, and flares ready to go. Sundae Girl did a great job gathering the Cellar crew though. I saw SG, Els, LJ, Jinx, Ducksnuts, Sycamore, and BigV in the crowd at different times. I heard rumors that Bruce came disguised as a vato (wife beater, bandana, and all) and hung with the cool arrows support.
Our line up was mostly the same with the addition of Monster on the bench with me and Merc. Merc was a bit slow with his speech and still slurring a bit, but I put him on the bench because I honestly don't know if that was from the tequila or the concussion.
[CENTER]Clodfobble/Keeper
UT/RB---------Griff/CB----------Wolf/CB--------Zengum/LB
Ratter/Rmid ------Classic/Cmid----Glatt/Holdingmid------Dani/Lmid
Sleeve/RFWD ----HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
Special contest of the week: First person to tell me the significance of the name Cool Arrows and post it here gets to pick the final scoreline for the next game. I will pick the scenario and outcome to fit that scoreline from random submissions again. BTW, today's details were provided by Classicman. He caught the tiger's toe this week.
Right then, onto the game.
The game was a bit frightening to begin with. The Cool Arrows came at us fast and hard. [COLOR="red"]Clodfobble[/COLOR] had to make her first acrobatic save at the half minute mark. I believe she was more rattled at hearing "PUTA!!!"shouted by the opposing supporters than actually having to block the shot in the first place. She was quite upset until [COLOR="red"]UT[/COLOR] explained that it was Mexican tradition to jeer the keeper, not a personal insult.
The first half was honestly uglier than I had imagined. We never really seemed to get things together. [COLOR="red"] Rat [/COLOR]made a nice run down the right, leaving her marker in the dust, but her cross was outside of [COLOR="red"]HLJ's [/COLOR]reach. It got even worse as the rain started. The less than pristine field quickly turned boggy. It didn't help our attacking play at all, but it did help a bit as our central midfield duo of [COLOR="red"]Classic[/COLOR] and [COLOR="red"]Glatt[/COLOR] were able to rely on their mental toughness and physical strength a bit more because the rain slowed down the fleet footed coolarrows. [COLOR="red"]Griff[/COLOR] made a crunching tackle on their center forward and [COLOR="red"]Wolf[/COLOR] slotted the ball out to [COLOR="red"]Dani[/COLOR] who was able to make a nice feint out before passing into [COLOR="red"]Glatt[/COLOR] who found an open [COLOR="red"]Sleeve[/COLOR] in the box. [COLOR="red"]Sleeve[/COLOR] hit it true but their keeper blocked him out. Our team was a little disheartened there, I think. They were caught offguard as the cool arrows immediately countered and were able to snatch a goal against the run of play.
We only managed to put one more shot on target during the first period. [COLOR="red"]UT[/COLOR] robbed their left winger and lobbed the ball up to [COLOR="red"]Rat[/COLOR] who found [COLOR="red"]Classic[/COLOR] surging forward. He brought it under control with a deft left foot before being cut down just before the whistle. It really was a harsh challenge that fully deserved the yellow card we received. [COLOR="red"]Classic[/COLOR] stepped up to take the kick only for it to slam straight into the crossbar. That's the half then. We were down 1-nil and looked out of ideas.
The team looked beat at the half so I made the first of my changes. [COLOR="red"]Wolf[/COLOR] was sitting on a yellow after suggesting a rather invasive sanity check for the linesman after an offside call didn't go her way, so I chose to err on the side of safety and replaced her with [COLOR="red"]Glatt[/COLOR] and put [COLOR="red"]Monster[/COLOR] into [COLOR="red"]Glatt[/COLOR]'s holding mid spot. [COLOR="red"]UT [/COLOR]and [COLOR="red"]Sleeve[/COLOR] switched spots as did [COLOR="red"]Zengum[/COLOR] and [COLOR="red"]HLJ[/COLOR].
SG did her best to bring some cheer to the side with her oranges and, well, I'll leave the rest unsaid. I did notice [COLOR="red"]Els[/COLOR] had left her side with some bruised knuckles but it worked out as he joined Flint in the stands for a little drumwork. The crowd really did an excellent job of bringing the energy and it became infectious. Upon retaking the field [COLOR="red"]Dani[/COLOR] provided me with my belly laugh of the day. She kicked out at her opposite number completely unprovoked, but to hear this manc tart shout, "chinga tu puta madre" in the face of a completely stunned forward... ah, just delicious.
Anyway, it looked to be our time as the whistle blew. Our team really came out strong and as rain tapered off we finally got some fluid passing going. We made some excellent runs through the center as [COLOR="red"]Rat[/COLOR] was marauding up and down the right throwing tackles on their now helpless left mid. About five minutes into the half [COLOR="red"]Griff[/COLOR] went up to clear a cross and knocked skulls with their center forward. He looked pretty dazed so [COLOR="red"]Merc[/COLOR] went in for him shouting, "no problem mom, my heads fine and I let the dog out". Whatever. [COLOR="red"]Merc[/COLOR] and [COLOR="red"]Glatt [/COLOR]proved to be a very strong pairing as they locked the opposition out of the box from that point on. [COLOR="red"]UT[/COLOR] made a nice backheel pass to release Zengum, but the timing was just a bit off and [COLOR="red"]Zen[/COLOR] was denied. Then it happened. Tempers had started to flair just a bit on the field as well as the stands. [COLOR="red"]Merc[/COLOR] came in with a textbook slide to stop the advancing Ramos. Ramos was flattened and didn't look likely to get up. [COLOR="red"]Merc[/COLOR] was immediately cautioned, not for his tackle which was clean, but for preventing the medical staff from treating Ramos until his immigration status was verified. This set off tempers in the stands and it looked to get a bit ugly. My understanding is that [COLOR="red"]Bruce[/COLOR] was able to calm things down there when he announced he was a Cellar man. He had, of course, seduced two of the latin lovelies he was seated with so the waters were calmed there.
When the ball was put back in to play everyone was pumped and ready to go. With only 15 minutes left [COLOR="red"]Merc[/COLOR] passed out to [COLOR="red"]monster[/COLOR] who flicked it onto [COLOR="red"]UT[/COLOR]. [COLOR="red"]UT[/COLOR] beat his man and was 1 v 1 with the keeper. Rather than take the shot at a difficult angle [COLOR="red"]UT[/COLOR] made a lovely turn and slotted the ball into a charging [COLOR="red"]Zengum[/COLOR] who caught the keeper flat footed. GOAL!!! 1-1 with fleeting clock.
The teams really moved out at that point. I set [COLOR="red"]Classic[/COLOR] in back to guard the back four and everyone else kept on a steady assault in the opposition's half. A number of shots were deflected by their excellent keeper. Finally it looked like we had the chance we needed as we won a last second corner on the left. [COLOR="red"]Classic[/COLOR] stepped out to kick and everyone, [COLOR="red"]Clodfobble[/COLOR] included, came forward. As it happened [COLOR="red"]Merc[/COLOR] was the first to make contact but it came back off the keeper. [COLOR="red"]Monster[/COLOR] took a quick step then smashed it only to watch it fly out after hitting [COLOR="red"]HLJ[/COLOR]'s backside. The final whistle came none too soon for anyone.
1-1 draw against a technically superior team. I honestly can't complain about that.
It looks as if [COLOR="Red"]Bruce[/COLOR] is coming back into the fold after rediscovering his love for the club. Or it could be he remembered how easy it was to get the nookie when you utter the simple phrase, "why yes, I am a footballer."
Well done team. Until next time, let the beers flow.
Great game. We will smoke them next time.
Outstanding! We are still undefeated! - good job everyone.
Yes, well done everyone. Get those muscles back in good order and take it easy. Our next game is not until Monday.
...We'll need each of these positions filled and three subs for the bench...
I'd be happy to fill a sub position. Yay team. lol!!!
sweet, i'll get you in the next game. get to work on your ball handling skills or something.
~get to work on your ball handling skills or something.
ugh - did you really just say that to Sheldon? whew :eyebrow:
Great news Cellar F.C. faithful! Bruce has agreed to new contract terms. Everything stays as it was but we've added a time off for latin lovelies and do-dads clause. He'll be back with the squad as we prepare for our tangle with Einstein's Eulogists. I don't know much about the team other than they are mostly engineers from the Intel plant down the road.
ugh - did you really just say that to Sheldon? whew :eyebrow:
wait, wha... hey get your mind out of the gutter! I'll not tolerate perversion around here [COLOR="White"]without pictures[/COLOR].
butt, butt, butt you said it!
~snip~ Einstein's Eulogists. I don't know much about the team other than they are mostly engineers from the Intel plant down the road.
Is that the team T-dub plays for?
A team of muppets! We'll crush them!
A team of muppets! We'll crush them!
If we don't, we can blame 85% of it on lookout.
I like it. I see that yesterday's draw has lifted morale. carry on.
Umm....just our of interest, Skipper, is anybody intending to drug-test the team at any point? As I say, purely out of interest...not that I need to know or anything.
See, this is why I don't play. ;)
no drug testing required for this league. just don't pull a rio ferdinand or joey barton on us.
and the league is co-ed too, so why is xob performing
sex-determination tests in that tent over there? and since when is having a curvy posterior or ample boobage and indicator that the participant may not be female? and why is there a line outside the tent? and where has Elspode gone?
That was part of the contract renegotiation, now shush.
and the league is co-ed too, so why is xob performing sex-determination tests in that tent over there? and since when is having a curvy posterior or ample boobage and indicator that the participant may not be female? and why is there a line outside the tent? and where has Elspode gone?
That was part of the contract renegotiation, now shush.
:lol2:
no drug testing required for this league. just don't pull a rio ferdinand or joey barton on us.
No. No, of course. No that'd be awful...
not awful, but we probably couldn't field a team.
Our next game is not until Monday.
and where has Elspode gone?
Shush, you. Frenzied hangers-on like the look o' me.
Can you let your friends and family know NOT to buy replica shirts outside the ground?
Scalpers are trying to sell them fake shirts for $100+.
They are poor quality and some of them don't even have the players' names spelled correctly!
I understand LJ is the go-to man for the official strip. I'd like to see a copy of it at some point btw...? Just so I can recognise it and all.
Also, don't eat the burgers from the guy in the car park.
He only set up there because he saw what a crowd we were drawing (and the fact that many of us are - ahem - obvious food lovers). He might make out they are Gourmet Game Burgers, but I passed him the other day dragging roadkill into the back of his truck. I think we know why the venison was on special at the last game.
I can't be sure, but I heard he got 'em off Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler.
Ahhhh....the smell of bad meat cooking, that takes me back. In Bolton, before they moved to the swanky new Reebok stadium, the half time pies came in two varieties: Hot and Cold. Queue up, get to the van window and the guy would bark "Hot or Cold?" and that would be that.
There was a half-time announcement one time when J's dad was at a match, telling a guy in the crowd that his wife had given birth to a healthy baby boy. Ahh Bolton men. Wife in labour? Good time to go to a match with the lads :P
I just want to say, if you send me forward again, I'm going to sulk. I have no idea what to do when I have the ball except give it to someone wearing the same colour shirt as I am. Anything that happened in our last game was a fluke.
:mad2: :mad: :meanface: :rar: :flipbird: :cuss: :angry: WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCKING HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!
1) I'm pissed that no one invited me to the party last night.
2) I'm pissed because you shouldn't have had a party before a big game anyway.
3) I'm pissed because you all got so stinking drunk that none of you showed up for the game. Except for Bruce who was early. but that doesn't count because he was butt nekkid, passed out, tied up with the goal net, with some little senorita next to him demanding her $40.
Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for a coach when he has to explain to the other team that there won't be a game because his team is all three sheets to the wind. :rtfm: NO drinking on game nights!!!!
That's it. We're on 3 a day practices until we win a game. and if I figure out which one of you puked in my cleats you'll be putting a week's pay packet in the tip mug.
This scenario was inspired by Classicman. I can assure you all that he will not be catching the tiger by the toe next week. ;)
Sorry, coach, but I've been feeling bad since I scored a goal against my own team in Game 1. That has led to pre-game stress, which I compensate for with a little tequila, a little bourbon, and some stuff Radar sent me from California.
It won't happen again.
Really.
:eek: :thepain: :scream: :unsure: :drunk:
:worried: :speechls: :bolt:
:help:
I can't be sure, but I heard he got 'em off Cut Me Own Throat Dibbler.
They go especially well with dwarven battle bread.;)
Huh?
Wha?
Ohhhh maaannn
Not so loud. Shshshshhh.
Ughhh turn the light off.
owwwww.
hang on.
Oh shit.
Geddouttamywaaayyyy!!!!
:bolt: :vomitblu:
Whose underpants are these?
you'll know the answer to that about the same time you understand why your ass is so sore.
Maybe, but why do they fit my head so well?
Oh sure. Suuuuuuuuuuuuure. I take a week off and miss the big party.
Figures.
What the hell is going on?? I showed up for practice twice and you guys aren't here! Is this a bye week or something?
We practiced yesterday. Look man, uh,... the team nominated me to mention it. It's about your deodorant. It ain't cutting it, and after these punishing brutal outdoor practices in this damp heat, well you know.
So they said - and it wasn't me, they just nominated me to tell you - they said they don't want to practice with you unless you upgrade from that CVS house brand or herbal pit remedie bullcrap, or... whatever it is.
Look man, I'm sorry, but like I said... it wasn't me. It was all the rest of them. No they took a vote. It was a hidden ballot. I don't remember the count.
Is this a bye week or something?
Blame it on HLJ.
HLJ said:
I'll be bi in the morning.
Here:eyebrow:
Anyway, no it isn't a by/bi/bye/buy week of any sort. it is more of a "lookout's been a bit busy" week.
I now have the real club team pushing 3 a week practices, plus Lil Lookout is playing in a rec team, plus I've got my stuff going on, so I've not had as much cellar time as I was getting. I hope to get back to this team soon. Classic, you are more than welcome to coach in my absence.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - You are more than funny L123. My coachin days are wayyyyy over. I'll be glad to wait till its cold out. I have nowhere near the talent as you.
We practiced yesterday. Look man, uh,... the team nominated me to mention it. It's about your deodorant. It ain't cutting it, and after these punishing brutal outdoor practices in this damp heat, well you know.
So they said - and it wasn't me, they just nominated me to tell you - they said they don't want to practice with you unless you upgrade from that CVS house brand or herbal pit remedie bullcrap, or... whatever it is.
Look man, I'm sorry, but like I said... it wasn't me. It was all the rest of them. No they took a vote. It was a hidden ballot. I don't remember the count.
Uh ok - thats it then! more "No Frills" brand. I'm gonna buy Suave from now on.
So, the idea is we kick the ball right?
I'll be glad to wait till its cold out.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - You are more than funny Classic.
Fixed. I live in Phoenix, so waiting for it to get cold? Could be awhile. We play from August, when we are melting, until May, when we are melting. Of course we do wear long sleeved December to the beginning of March.:D
Anyway, after looking at the schedule it looks like we can squeeze a game in on Thursday. We'll be playing the staff from the music shop, 4th String Basstards.
Get me your results and some scenarios and we'll play on Thursday.
Ok all - Perhaps you missed the way this deal goes down. We are supposed to PM L123 with a game scenario for the week - So get your imaginations goin with whatever sparks your mind and get 'em in to him.
Well, let's get to it. I was confident our team would pull this one off after the Charlie Fox that should have been our last game. We worked hard to trim the fat, improve the stamina, and fine tune those passes. We also added a new player in Sheldon.
The line up for this game was as follows:
[CENTER]Bruce/Keeper
UT/RB -----Griff/CB ----Glatt/CB ----Zengum/LB
Ratter/RMid-----Classic/Cmid ----Merc/Holding Mid ----Dani/LMid
Sleeve/RFWD ---- HLJ/LFWD[/CENTER]
Clodfobble, Sheldon, and Wolf are on the bench with me.
I really expected teh game to go smoothly after our previous debacle, but I did have my doubts when right before the game UT demanded that he be allowed to play for the other team because he wanted a discount on the gear. After a brief scuffle and a very thorough explanation of what "playing for the other team" meant to Sheldon, UT hopped back on the loyalty bus and declared his unwavering devotion to Cellar FC.
As we lined up and took our first real look at the competition our players were a bit taken aback by the competition. The 4th String Basstards were definitely well named. With their flannel jerseys and mix of Doc Marten and Black Converse Chucks they looked more at home in 1992 than on a soccer pitch.
The first kick of the game saw our players settle in quickly with some snappy passing down the left between Dani and Zengum with a nice overlapping run. Zengum crossed the ball into the center where Sleeve connected well but the Basstard keeper snatched it up while mumbling something about "fucking skinny string bitches can't defend". He quickly threw the ball out to his center mid he shimmied around Classic before running straight into the invisible wall of the Griff and Glatt. From that point on the Basstards never really threatened our box. Our front six managed to keep the play moving with some slick passing.
In the stands the usual suspects made their presence felt, but it was nice to see Flint sneak in even if it took him a few minutes to define his loyalties. We should probably grant him the assist for our first goal because he started to pound out a pretty impressive rhythm on the bleachers which distracted the Basstard defense. Apparently, two of them were arguing about the exact time signature he was using as Classic, Rat,HLJ, and UT combined for some slick passing and a simple cross which Sleeve comfortably put away. GOAL! 1-0 to the Cellar.
After that the Basstards began having real issues. Apparently they aren't familiar with the well known rule about what happens in the van because they started bickering about how to divide up the groupies just as Griff laid a crunching tackle into their forward. He came away from the ball and made a full field run completely unchallenged before tapping the ball in past the screeching goalkeeper. Apparently the keeper didn't want anything to do with the train after the game. Strange that, I thought they rode the bus. Anyway, GOAL! 2-0 with 5 minutes to go in the first half.
The second half took a bit to get started as I did have to bench UT after his argument with the Basstards turned ugly as someone screamed, "Zep did not steal their material directly from Muddy Waters!!!" and the game came to a halt. UT out, Sheldon in. Bruce out, Clodfobble in. As the game got going it became obvious we'd already seen the best the Basstards had and they came up lacking. I instructed our team to play a passing game and try not to run the score up too high. Sheldon played a quick 1-2 with Rat who backheeled it to Sleeve for another backpost tap in. GOAL! 3-0.
That was when it happened. In retrospect, I should have seen it coming as he did have a strange look in his eye while he helped Sundae Girl pass the oranges. It seems we've become a profit center. A souvenir vendor has made up some team scarves and was selling them. Elspode was trying some heavy negotiating but I think the liquor may have gotten the best of him. The last offer anyone heard was "I'll let you blow me if you give me a scarf." Now I'll admit the vendor was really pretty, but the beer goggles were pretty thick I guess because poor Elspode didn't realize he was talking to the vendor's father at that point. Next thing you know Elspode is but naked save for a stolen scarf and he is sprinting across the field. Sheldon is in the backfield sounding like Arsenio Hall with his fist shaking and "Woo Woo Woo!" and the Basstards thought it was part of the show and took out their lighters. Finally Els was dragged from the field, we passed the hat, and Sundae Girl went to bail him out as we finished the game.
Truthfully I don't know who scored the fourth goal because everyone except Clodfobble was inside the opposition's penalty box. but GOAL! 4-0. What a trouncing.
With ten minutes left the Basstards realized how bad they were looking and finally started to attack. They actually had some good skill once they applied themselves. They caused our midfield some problems with offtime passes and and a little tricky solo work from one guy who cried, "not the hands!" anytime we came within five feet of him. We managed to repel them but it actually looked like they might score as they pushed to the edge of the box and Glatt deflected a shot out for a corner. The kick came in right to the center of the box and Clodfobble made an excellent save of a close shot. She looked a little stunned at the ferocity of the kick as she sprinted to the edge of her area and booted the ball. I can honestly say no one was more shocked than Clodfobble to see that ball soar fifteen feet past the center line before bouncing. It bounced several times before coming to a slow roll. I have no idea why or what, but the keeper was in his own little world, eyes closed, head bobbing as the ball rolled slowly up to him and he started jumping up and down shaking his fist in the air. It was almost like slow motion as he jumped up only to come back down on the ball causing it to cross into the goal. GOAL!?!? 5-0 with five minutes left.
At that point the game effectively ended as the Basstards started arguing over who was responsible for different duties. We stood and waited until finally one of them said, "fuck it, I'm hungry" and they all walked off the field.
It was a bit of a peculiar game, but a win nonetheless.
UT picked the scenario this week with a bit of influence from Clodfobble and Elspode. Thanks all. Now hit the showers. Classic, that means you. I've received some complaints about your...peculiar smell.
Yeh well ...... must've been the mushrooms!