Man Has Sex With Bicycle
This from the
BBC:
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.
He now lives in Ayr.
The serious side:
What exactly did he do wrong? He's a consenting adult and the bicycle is... well, a bicycle. It was
in his own bedroom! Is it a crime to not hear the knock on the door because you are, cough, too busy?
So the cleaners saw him. Would it have still been an offense if his partner had been a human? A sex-doll?
Three years registered as a sex offender for this????
the unserious side:
:lol: :lol2:
* That's not how to pump up the tires!
* Take good care of your inner tube.
* Back in the saddle again.
* No, "handlebar" is
one word.
That's ridiculous. Your jokes, I mean. Just kidding! :lol:
A bicycle, you say? Hmm...
If he were any good at all, it would have been a unicycle and he would be spinning plates on sticks and juggling at the same time.
Glatt: get away from your kids' bikes.
wow, i hear the bicycles are wild.
That is perverted. They need to just haul this scumbag off to jail where he belongs, so that decent, right-thinking citizens can get back to banging their roller skates.
Hell, if it was his bicycle I don't see the problem. If he were scewing my bicycle there would be a problem....
Well, I'm trying to picture this and, well my problem is, how do you screw a bicycle? Spokes or seat or what?!?
A new way to do maintenance? Ran out of tools?
:)
Hell, if it was his bicycle I don't see the problem. If he were scewing my bicycle there would be a problem....
Jealousy?
Well, I'm trying to picture this and, well my problem is, how do you screw a bicycle?
Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty.
Spokes or seat or what?!?
A new way to do maintenance? Ran out of tools?
:)
Tighten the nuts before you apply the lube ...
Yes, jealousy Zen...I don't have a bike.
:)
That's sick. I only have sex with heterocycles.
Three years registered as a sex offender for this????
It would have been even more if the bicycle had been under age.
That's sick. I only have sex with heterocycles.
:lol:
You're wheely funny!
guess he didn't have a fat bottomed girl handy . . .
Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like
Maybe it was a tandem bike and his partner was hiding under the bed doping up.
:welcome:
welcome Icileparadise!
:lol: doesn't the tour d' France have enough image problems?!
Speaking of France ... is that a French inspired user name? Ici le paradise?
Welcome to the Cellar, Icileparadise.
Hey, the guy says he'd had a few too many...can anyone here honestly say that they haven't knocked back one too many voddies and NOT thought about the bicycle? It happens.
Well, I'm trying to picture this and, well my problem is, how do you screw a bicycle? Spokes or seat or what?!?
Well, you know ... what goes around, comes around.
Yes & oui.
Thank you so much for the welcome. Kinda nervous.
Hey, the guy says he'd had a few too many...can anyone here honestly say that they haven't knocked back one too many voddies and NOT thought about the bicycle? It happens.
Bunch of freaking pervs. If it ain't living and breathing it should NOT be viewed as an object of sex. Now, the dog...:eek:
:p
I know a guy that has a thing for toilet paper rolls?
I know a guy that has a thing for toilet paper rolls?
Who, that lj guy? :bolt:
Not quite as bad as Goaste, but I saw an image somewhere on the nets of a guy doing a car up the tailpipe. For real. :shudder:
Not quite as bad as Goaste, but I saw an image somewhere on the nets of a guy doing a car up the tailpipe. For real. :shudder:
Now thats just creepy- I mean I love my car but I don't love love it
Now thats just creepy- I mean I love my car but I don't love love it
You luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvvvv it. You wanna kiss it and marry it.
Bunch of freaking pervs. If it ain't living and breathing it should NOT be viewed as an object of sex. Now, the dog...:eek:
:p
"Blue Velvet" quote: "I'll fuck anything that moves!!!!"
I feel sorry for the chap actually.
My reading of the situation is that he was unable to live unassisted (having moved from his council house to a hostel). It's likely there was a recognised problem with his ability to make judgements in day to day life anyway.
They must have had reasonable suspicion that he was deliberately displaying his act to the cleaners in order to charge him with an offence. However I would have been more comfortable with just a fine and ideally therapy in result. To go onto the sex offenders register is pretty serious, bringing with it all sorts of restrictions generally intended to safeguard children.
Sex ok... but simulating sex not???
I can only see this being a problem is if he intentionally made the clears see him doing the bike, otherwise I don't think there is a crime.
And from what it sounds like he had a very bad lawyer.
He had the public defender, whose wife is a scooter. Poor man didn't stand a chance. :(
I heard he asked the bike if she wanted him to stop but she never SPOKE! lol!!!
(I kill me)
Perhaps he overheard talk in the pub that his wife was a bike?
I wish my bike was so sexy it made me feel like rubbing myself against it. Maybe I'd spend more time excercising. Unfortunately, I view my bike generally as an impliment of torture...although....
Not quite as bad as Goaste, but I saw an image somewhere on the nets of a guy doing a car up the tailpipe. For real. :shudder:
Almost makes me want to do a
Google Image Search for "tailpipe fuck" ...
Well, your search lead me to this image:
They're Arancini, or balls of risotto (in this case, peas, procioutto and parm) with more cheese, breaded in panko and deep-fried.
Strange, where your web meanderings will take you. :haha:
Well, your search lead me to this image:
They're Arancini, or balls of risotto (in this case, peas, procioutto and parm) with more cheese, breaded in panko and deep-fried.
Strange, where your web meanderings will take you. :haha:
The openned one looks like someone had sex with it.
Not quite as bad as Goaste, but I saw an image somewhere on the nets of a guy doing a car up the tailpipe. For real. :shudder:
Maybe he didn't have a banana.
Axel Foley: What are you all, the second team?
Detective McCabe: We're the first team.
Detective Foster: Yeah, and we're not going to fall for a banana in the tailpipe.
Axel Foley: [
Mocking him] You're not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe? It should be more natural, brother. It shouldflow out, like this - "Look, man, I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tailpipe!" See, that's more natural for us. You been hanging out with this dude too long.
I wish my bike was so sexy it made me feel like rubbing myself against it. Maybe I'd spend more time excercising. Unfortunately, I view my bike generally as an impliment of torture...although....
[SIZE="1"][COLOR="Silver"]
Take the seat off.[/COLOR][/SIZE]
My husband worked on a case where there was a guy that was in love with his tractor. He named it Stone, and even sent out pictures of himself & the tractor for Christmas cards.
Turned out to be an autoerotic asphyxia thing, with an emphasis on the "auto". ;)
Wasn't the crime simulateing sex? Either you are going to have sex with a bicycle or not....it should be a crime just for simulateing it. Like lip-synching. Either you are going to sing or not, simulateing singing without actually doing it should also be a crime and enforced by the law. That's just embarrassing.
If you are going to get the ticket anyway...what's the harm in just doing it?
like rappers grabbing their crotches in time to music. THAT should be a crime!
Well, if they were simulateing the crotch grab and not actually doing it, that would be the crime......
Have sex with a bicycle, grab your crotch, or sing, don't just act like it....or pay the piper.
poor, poor baby. I mean, if grabbing one's crotch through clothes equals sex to you . . .
on second thought -- Nevermind!
:D
What that's not how everyone does it?
It would have been even more if the bicycle had been under age.
God, a Pedalphile!
I was wondering if we would be hearing from you on this topic.
Now I'm not.
GROAN!
What that's not how everyone does it?
Some of us use bikes, whips, chains and other things. And do even even more fun things
:doit::bj2::3some::spank:
God, a Pedalphile!
It's even worse than that. The bicycle was spoke-n for, probably by some big wheel.;)
Whatever makes your cock...err..clock tick I guess.