It's Cancer
I knew it. I knew it when I saw the mammo.
I see a surgeon sometime next week---holiday weekend and all, won't be able to talk to one till tuesday.
It's big and leggy.
I am really not ready to have a mastectomy or to die. I'm kinda in shock.
Oh, oh Bri...
But here's the deal, see? Don't go thinking of the worst possible case in your head, because maybe it won't be the worst possible. Focus on what is good. Whatever this thing is, you can surely beat it. It's something you can face with energy. It's a part of life, and dealing with such seriousness often changes people for the better. Look at Michael J Fox who, after a few years of dealing with his sad and chronic condition, wrote a book about his life and situation and titled it "Lucky Man". Lucky, he calls himself. You are too: because aside from being this cool person, which I know you are, you can beat whatever this is, and I know you can. And out the other side will be a new person with greater wisdom and a different sense of what life means.
We love you Bri. Stand strong, woman, and kick the shit out of this thing.
You can manage this. I've seen enough of it in my family to know you can beat it. Be strong.
I'm very sorry to hear this. Being a nurse, you probably know way more about the subject than I do, but I'm going to write this anyway. Most cancers are survivable by a majority of the people who are diagnosed with them.
You know you can work on the odds by taking care of yourself. One of the more recent studies,
ironically using registered nurses, showed that diet and exercise can help with the odds.
Take care of yourself. Help others to take care of you.
You are going to beat this.
Bri, I"m here for you. Good luck.
Thankyou all so much---god, my eyes actually hurt from no sleep (went to my son's football game [he's captain!!!] last night [they won 45-zero!]) and then had a rotten cry this morning.
My family's reaction has been...well, like they themselves, it's been strange. My older sis (a pediatric nurse) has been amazing, my little sis (nearly dual citizenship with Jamaica d/t her deep love of the ganja) has been good and my mother--a woman I am closer to than any other person on earth--is acting like nothing is going on at all! Like, well, it's a cold, you'll get better. Now, I know why she is doing this--but in all honesty, it's weird. My father said NOTHING. My exhubby (the one I LOVED--HA!) said, "Claudette, I'm taking what you're saying and cutting it in half--you make mountains out of molehills....blah, blah, blah..." and, I will concede, he does have a point. I do tend to (to use a fucking AA term) "awfulize"--in my defense, I SAW the mammo. I SAW it. I was a member of the American Registry of Radiologic Technologists and I took another test to be Mammo certified tech AND I was an ultrasound tech--I know all this does not sit with many cellarites ideas about me, but, honestly, I was good at what I did and I had a critical radar (some call it intuition) that allowed me to see what was going on (a gift that I, not knowing how to handle, squandered and let destroy a part of me) and I know NOW what is going on. i was able to kid myself for this past week--oh, most lumps are benign, 90% are false positives, etc., etc. but, I saw the mammo thursday (the tech left it out while she had the spot films checked by the rad) and I saw the monster--all tentacles, from my armpit legging down toward my nipple---all legs. THEN I saw the US (I had to see it, I was facing the screen--plus, I used to work there) and I saw that the edges were blurry (bad) and there were echos in the mass itself (not liquid, like a simple cyst) I begged the US tech to tell my what the Rad. said and she onlly said, "Claudette, we're going to expedite this--your doc will have the resutls tomorrow." I knew then I had cancer.
Look--I've had an amazing life. I really have. I cannot doubt that this thing has metzed. Microcalcifications, huge, leggy, by my armpit--at the very least it's in my lymph nodes (the bodys Highway!!).
The point of all this is: thank you, all. For your compassion and love and fellowship.
I'm going to fight, yes. but If i don't win---it;s oK, too.
That sucks! Don't give up. If it's at all possible, get a second opinion. When my sister had it she got a completely inappropriate level of chemotherapy.
Even if it had metastacized, you can still beat it. One of my friends has been living with it for 10 years. It's never going to go, but she has it beat. She's living with it, not dying slowly.
Bri, I'm so sorry, but you've already given yourself the best chance you have -you're coming out fighting. Good on ya.
My mother-in-law is almost a year out of her mastectomy due to stage 1. She finished chemo about 2 months ago...her hair is growing back now and she gets her fake boob after our wedding.
Hang in there, Bri...I'll be sure to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
ahh but now you can get away with smokeing some weed , kemo ,angziety , etc,,,,, ;)
Seriusely though , hang tough , all will be well !!!!!!!
My mother is a survivor...I've lost track of how many years.
You will beat this. If nothing else, you'll sarcasm the crap out of it and it will run fleeing from your body.
Bri, I don't know what to say, aside from trying to make a joke out of sheer speechlessness, but know that I am not far away and if there is anything I can do let me know.
Love ya, girl.
Hey Bri -- you're right, you are an expert in this field. Take charge of your own wellbeing. Do the research, read the papers, get accurate typing and diagnosis, and above all, pay attention! Don't like your onc? Fire him/her and get another. Visit the experts. Take charge.
You are uniquely poised to be the best health care provider possible for yourself, both by training and by inclination. Make the effort, because you are surely worth it.
- Pie
Oh...and if you die, Bri, I will be offended and never speak to you again!
Much healing mojo headed your way - get in the fight we support you.
seriously, indescribably, sucky. :(
That being said, positive thoughts help a lot, so I'm sending you some.
Hey Bri -- you're right, you are an expert in this field. Take charge of your own wellbeing. Do the research, read the papers, get accurate typing and diagnosis, and above all, pay attention! Don't like your onc? Fire him/her and get another. Visit the experts. Take charge.
You are uniquely poised to be the best health care provider possible for yourself, both by training and by inclination. Make the effort, because you are surely worth it.
- Pie
This is good advice. I'm with this guy. Bri, we're all here for you.
Bri, I don't know what to say. But I have seen many women survive this and be happy in their lives. The way I deal with my medical conditions is ignore them, and try to make them insignificant in my mind. This will work. My own problems are not as serious as yours, and never will be. You have survived a lot, and can survive this, it is all up to you.
Wow. I'm a blessed creature. I thank you all for taking the time to give me some of your love and hope and good news--THAT is what the cellar is. That's why it's so important to all of us. What a great network of caring people here---pls. forgive my maudlin gush---i mean every word---i'm just an emotional wreck today. Tomorrow I'll be "in UR reality Stealin UR STuff!"
Bri, you can and will whip the shit out of this, without question. I know that it will seem incredibly insensitive of me to say this, but it is something that I feel I know more than a little bit about. If they have to do a radical mastectomy, it is not going to make you one bit less beautiful, desireable or worthy of love. I've been carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey. I have an ostomy bag, a gigantic cavernous scar that runs the length of my abdomen from the aftermath of the wound infection following the colectomy, a zipper from the bypass surgery, I'm 80 pounds overweight, short, with gray and thinning hair and generally not a physical specimen of any traditionally desireable qualities. Yet I am blessed with a beautiful wife (whom I met after becoming an ostomate), a couple of damn hot girlfriends, an incredible wealth of friends and loved ones and a pretty damned enviable life in most every way.
I say this because I want you to know, and to truly believe, that even if you lose a breast to this bitch of a cancer, you will do so to maintain a life that has incredible value, full of purpose and potential, and in the end, you will be beautiful, desireable, and a whole person...just as you are now. You will be stronger, tested, and even more formidable than you can now imagine.
We will love you, pray for you, send you all the energy it takes to beat this fucker into submission and walk away as the goddess you truly are. I personally will put you on a pedestal...and then look up your dress every chance I get.
I personally will put you on a pedestal...and then look up your dress every chance I get.
You've no idea how much that means to me!~ *love*
Bri, you can beat this. You know the drill, eat lots of fresh fruit and veg, give your body as much help as you can. People can and do survive this, no reason why you shouldn't be one of them.
Bri...when the time comes for treatment, be it surgery or other...do you have people there for you? Family? Kids old enough to drive and provide appropriate support? If not, you need to let us know that as soon as possible so efforts can be made on your behalf. Please don't try to do everything yourself as you go through this. People need people to prop them up when times get tough.
We're people.
Fuck yeah...you might even meet some of us. Though that could scare you to death...hmmm...
Ah, shit. I was so angry to see this thread title. I know you can beat this thing, Bri. And you know what else?
What's the big deal? They're just boobs.
A mastectomy is not the end of the world. I know two women who've had them and their new boobs look great. And if you get a new one then we'll be expecting new pictures, of course. ;)
Well fuck me running.... this is not good news. :headshake I'm sorry you have to deal with this major health cluster fuck Bri. Seriously though, do what you need to do to take care of this. Get it done and we'll talk about new boobies.
Bri, I'm so sorry. I mostly lurk, so I hope you don't mind me sending my best wishes and good thoughts for healing. You'll beat this. And everyone here will be cheering you on. {{{hugs}}}
Hey bri...you're a strong girl...you'll beat this no problem. Specially with the entire cellar backing you.. *sends good vibes towards you*
Bri, honey, I idolise you, you know that....and I dont do that willynilly....so I know you are going to kick the snot out of this biatch, and you will do so in a very Bri-like manner. Youre awesome, I have complete faith in you.
This sucks, I wish I was closer to help....like....take you out on a girlie nite out to get plastered and make oodles of guys fall in love with us :)
I think we need to get cancer to register as a dwellar so we can all get the pleasure of watching Bri outpost that fucker in a zillion ways.....
Cancer is very beatable these days. You'll kick it. You're young and healthy otherwise, so get positive and start fighting. I know it's shocking. But give yourself a little time to get over the news and get your head in the right place and you'll have a better chance. One of the most important things you can do for your own mental health is not to take on other people's grief and shock when they find out. Let them deal with it and don't be afraid to tell them to get the fuck out if they get all weepy. You don't need that shit. You need to surround yourself with positive people.
Don't worry about your mum. She'll come to grips with it and she'll be the best damn nurse anyone ever had when you're recovering from surgery. Mothers have a hard time dealing with knowing there's really nothing they can do to fix their kids other than to love them. You might even find it's good to have someone around you who just treats you like normal.
Just remember, you don't need to lose this fight.
Bri, honey, I idolise you, you know that....and I dont do that willynilly....so I know you are going to kick the snot out of this biatch, and you will do so in a very Bri-like manner. Youre awesome, I have complete faith in you.
This sucks, I wish I was closer to help....like....take you out on a girlie nite out to get plastered and make oodles of guys fall in love with us :)
Too late. I am oodles of guys all by myself, and I'm already desperately in love with both of you.
I want to bear your children. Either that, or feed your children to bears.
Shit.
Well I didn't buy the "maudlin gush", 'cause I know when you're put upon, you're meaner than a junk yard dog. The only reason you won't beat this with sheer will, is you don't want to pass up the chance to meet some hot doctors and male nurses.
But I'll still be waiting when you've gone through those boy toys.
You know we all love you and believe in you.
Add my good thoughts to the pile here. (HUGS)
I think we need to get cancer to register as a dwellar
From some of the posts on this board, I think it already has.:right:
But if you mean that she's a tough grrrrl, than I agree. The body of an angel, and the guts of a harbor chick.
Go Bri!
Give yourself whatever gifts of time and rest you need to feel better and know that you're surrounded by caring thoughts and prayers and heartfelt wishes. Rest easy. Get well.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
For you and everyone else check out:
http://www.savethetatas.com/
My wife and I bought t-shirts today.
A number of very close people in my life have delt with Breast Ca.
Hang in there Bri, you've gotten through life this far don't let some damn little cells stand in your way!
Tru B - it's just a stupid bunch of cells! Once it's outside your body you could stamp on it in the street and reduce it to nothing but a pile of goo!
that's a good image, that.
Dammmm this holiday weekend. I'm so antsy---I want to know if this has metzed, what we're going to do, if I should cut my hair short and who can make a wig out of my own hair, how many tests do I have to have: CT? MRI? Nuc Med?...all these things. Plus, I need to clean my house, get new pajamas (the kind that button up the front) and yet I feel paralyzed to do anything. I'm jumpy.
Fuck. This sucks.
Bri, let me jump in with everyone else and tell you that you will beat this. Only personal experience I have is my aunt, and she beat this too. That was like 15 years ago and she's doing great. Medicine has only gotten better since then.
Dammmm this holiday weekend. I'm so antsy---I want to know if this has metzed, what we're going to do,
The waiting is the hardest part. Once you get all the results back, then you can attack this thing. Feel like you are doing something, etc.
You want to be doing something now, right? I'm no expert at all in this, but there are probably a few thing you could be doing now to begin to prepare for the fight. Two things come to mind. Depending on your treatments, you may have no appetite later, so start packing in the calories today. Eat healthy. Eat a lot. Second is that you should try to start thinking positive. Say out loud to yourself that you are going to beat this. Come back and keep reading this thread over and over. We are here for you, and you will beat this.
Oh, and while we all may have ooh-la-lahed over your pictures on the bike, that's not what defines you. You're boobs aren't what make you hot. Having a mastectomy won't change that at all. Els probably said it better than I could, because he has more practice, but he's got the right idea.
You're going to beat this.
I still say "at least you're not living 100 years ago..." [COLOR="White"]. . . [/COLOR] I know you can't see it at the moment, but you know you'll be okay (because you have to)
Bri, I spoke to Sundae Girl today and she asked me to relay her support and well wishes to you. She's as stunned as everyone else and feels equally sure that you, more than anyone, will beat this thing. Unfortunately she doesn't have internet access to post herself, but she wants you to know she's thinking of you.
Thanks so much, Dana---that means a lot to me
I'm sorry to hear about this, Brianna.
Have no fear, you will beat this.
Bri, I don't know if this is too soon, in which case I apologise, but I heard a woman on the radio talking about breast cancer (she had it a few years ago I think) and she mentioned a forum/website that she found really helpful. It's basically just a place to talk with other women who've been through it, or are going through it.
http://www.bcpals.org.uk/content/links.htmlAgain, Dana, thank-you. It's a great link---I've spent the good part of this early morning reading it!
Today, I hope hope hope I get in to see the surgeon. This waiting around is killing me and I imagine the beast growing and stretching and eating my cells for every minute that is wasted.
Bri - I know you have what it takes to get well, and I know you'll do what it takes to get well. Don't worry about leaving a lymph node or boob behind. You are not a body part, you're Claudette. The first thread I can remember reading at the Cellar was when you offered oral sex to the first person to solve a math problem for you. That wasn't a lymph node posting. Add my love and positive energy to all that you've gotten so far.
Geez, the stuff I miss over the weekends. I'm so sorry for what you’re going thru and can't possibly begin to know. I do second everything, everyone has said - you can beat this - so many have. Maybe you can find local support groups of people; you can actually speak with face to face and gather the much needed strength from those who've gone thru it as well. Kids can be a big help as well, I'm sure your son has a strong shoulder for you to lean on. Don’t be afraid of that; let him help you thru this. Good Luck.
Oh Brianna. That's terrible! Sorry.
I have to make a call today about the slowly growing (enormous)lump on the side of my husbands neck. We were just about in an insurance program and didn't make it.....
I fear the worst. I just don't know yet and I'm scared. Do I quickly buy the insurance before?
I have to make a call today about the slowly growing (enormous)lump on the side of my husbands neck. We were just about in an insurance program and didn't make it.....
I fear the worst. I just don't know yet and I'm scared. Do I quickly buy the insurance before?
Oh, Cicero, how awful for you both. you need insurance and have the chance to get some now or were you turned down before? I'm sorry, I'm a little confused. How much would the quick insurance cost/month and more importantly, is there a pre-exsisting condition clause that they might try to pull on you two? I'm so sorry, but, call the doc asap. GEtting the treatment ball going is half the battle.
Just saw this thread, and want to let you know that I am thinking about you too. My mother in law has been breast cancer free now for over 2 years. She found a lot of help in fellow cancer survivors via face-to-face groups (she's not internet savvy). Good luck.
We are here. We will be here. Just let us know what we can do.
:::huge hug:::
Bri, a big hug from me to you.
Even if it's in your lymph nodes, you'll still be able to get rid of it. A healthy diet, your strong will and the chemo/radiation will make sure of that.
I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to overly-stress out. I don't think stress is very helpful to the healing process.
God Cicero, how scary for you both. I don't really understand how the American healthcare system works, so I have no advice to offer regarding insurance or the order in which things need to happen. All I can offer is a hug *hugs* and an assurance that the Dwellars are here and sympathetic.
Oh, and a quick hug for Bri whilst I am here *hugs* :P
Cicero, I don't know what your financial situation is like, but...if the lump turns out to be serious and requires long-term care, your husband ought to try applying for Medicaid. Depending on your circumstances, it may be possible to qualify even if your income is decent.
My mother's work insurance hadn't kicked in by the time she was diagnosed with cancer, so she was able to get Medicaid to pay for her treatment.
Blue do you have any advice on how to go about applying (maximising chances of acceptance etc) ?
I'll have to ask my mother what application process she had to go through. I do know that the cancer treatment facility in Albuquerque is very good, if Cicero's husband has to go that route...but hopefully not, of course. Let's hope it's just a big cyst, or at the very worst, a benign growth.
Oh Brianna. That's terrible! Sorry.
I have to make a call today about the slowly growing (enormous)lump on the side of my husbands neck. We were just about in an insurance program and didn't make it.....
I fear the worst. I just don't know yet and I'm scared. Do I quickly buy the insurance before?
Goiter?
link 1
link 2What everybody's said -- and they've said it all. Be well.
Any news? Did you get to see the surgeon? Thinking of you...
Thanks for the suggestions everyone! My husband is going to check on the healthcare plan his work has been offering, but not actually giving out.
He's promised me that he would at least follow-up and ask about what happened to it today. He's fighting going to the doctor. He was trying to get out of it by saying that it is "just a swollen lymphnode". As you can probably imagine....that did not work.
I worry too much I guess. When it was smaller it felt like it was coming off the lymphnode rather than the lymphnode itself.....now it's gotten so large that I can't even feel the lymphnode anymore. The lymphnode itself actually felt normal....I hope I am wrong. Sometimes it's ok to be dead wrong. In this case being dead wrong would be awesome.
Well whatever it is.....I'm sure we can manage. I can't afford to let fear take over my last brain cells.
And of course Bri you can pm me anytime. And if you really need to talk to someone I'm here usually at odd times between 9:00 MST and 5:00, and often. Even on Saturdays.
Bri, any word? What's going on?
Please drop us a line if you can.
Yeah, I'm gettin' kinda queasy, here, waiting for the plan and prognosis, girl.
She may have gone almost immediately into surgery after seeing the doctor on Tuesday. When they want to, they can move very fast. We're thinking about you, Bri.
Bri last spotted in the Meaningless Drunk thread being kidnapped by her family.
bloody herll monster
i thought your post meaant she had poster
friggen teatse
i'm so sorry guys--not to worry, they did kidnap me to cape cod---I see the surgeon on the 17th. Until then, I'm livin' it up. I will be back on the 15th. More then, as our wifi in the codo isn't working :(
I love you guys!
Still sending my love and healing energy.
Ohhh, look at my drunk typing. bwaahahahahah
Bri - live it up you should honey.
Shit. This is crazy. Good luck, Bri. I know you can beat it.
Bri, I'm back and I'm thinking of you.
I was devastated when Dana told me - you are so full of life and hope and humour it seemed obscene that part of you was putting your life at risk. But I know that cancer is a disease, not a stalker looking to bring down the best and bravest - it just seems that way sometimes.
You have made me laugh, and cry (with laughter mostly) and given me hope when things have seemed really grim You've been generous with your honesty, your praise and your support and I value that hugely. I love and respect you for what you have faced in your life so far, and what you you will face in the future.
You are certainly worth more than any bunch of cells, especially malfunctioning ones and I believe whatever happens you will deal with it (even when you feel you're not dealing with it) with total style.
Anyway, we've got about 5 book ideas we're going to work on one day, don't think I'll let you off the hook that easily, okay?
All my love, good thoughts, care and concern to you. You've touched my life and no doubt many others and if I can repay that in any way just say the word.
Everyone's acting like my husband is dead already. We don't even have a proper diagnosis, and his co-workers want him to go lie down. I even started to act like he is going to die and had to stop myself. Isn't it sad that I would have one of his feet in the grave already just to be sure about something instead of dealing with not knowing? Well- I stopped the dramatics about 6 hours into it. I'm glad for it.
Hopefully others will come to terms with it....so he doesn't feel like he has to die because everyone else is sure already. This is stupid. Maybe it is cancer. Maybe he's not going to die. Even he's acting like someone that cares about how he will be remembered now. How did we get here already? After one doctor visit?
This is why I was afraid other people would get involved for such a long time.
I think, even though medical wise we’ve come along way in treatments, that the word cancer is seen as almost un-beatable. It, in itself is almost an automatic death sentence. There are just so many types – it’s hard to comprehend that it can be beaten.
Hope it went well today, Bri
Me too.
Drop in and let us know how it went Bri.
Isn't it sad that I would have one of his feet in the grave already just to be sure about something instead of dealing with not knowing?
Don't be too hard on yourself Cic. A part of the human mind is always scanning for danger, for things that might threaten us, or destabilise us. Looking for and internally rehearsing how we'll respond. It's just a survival of that danger sense, when we try to 'pre-cope' with things we fear may occur.
I think, even though medical wise we’ve come along way in treatments, that the word cancer is seen as almost un-beatable. It, in itself is almost an automatic death sentence. There are just so many types – it’s hard to comprehend that it can be beaten.
Cancer is now more survivable than it ever has been. Bri, being Bri, will kick cancer's ass and send it packing. Hell, she'll probably keep five or six of us cancer free in the process.
The thing with the surgeon was fine but got kinda sucky news: seems like I have not one but two different kinds of cancer in this here breast which means, and I quote the surgeon, "it's a bad breast," which makes me feel sorry for it as it didn't start out in life bad but became bad thru a series of unfortunate choices and failed love affairs. Anyway, if it is confirmed to be two different types, the only safe choice is mastectomy. I have a feeling this is going to cut way, waaaaaay into my sex life. Damn it!
You have all been so beautiful to me, I so appreciate and cherish your good wishes. sometimes, you all leave me speechless with gratitude.
This early am I was looking for
something to give you encouragement. I know you will be ok but I was looking for some silly GIF or Poem but the only one that didn't seem cheesy was Dr. Suess. :P
Poems sometimes do set the worries free and I hope you can find comfort in the some of the poetry from the site I found. ( or any )The way that it is organized with the tabs at the top makes it really user friendly. I hope you find something you like.
http://www.writespirit.net/spiritual_poets
You are so cared about!
Bri,
Let me add ditto to the rest of the dwellars who have spoken my feelings more eloquently than I can I just had a tumor removed yesterday, results in a week or two. I had two tumors removed in June that were cancerous, so I suspect this was a remnant. No where near as serious as yours, because I've been having these things on and off since the 80's. Not fun to deal with, but I still have a happy life, and manage to keep a sick sense of humor despite all health problems. I think God put your post in front of me just today to keep me from whining about my condition.
I agree with the post about putting you on a pedestal(and looking up your dress,) I've been a Dwellar for several months, and have read a bunch of your stuff. I'll be praying for you, so hang tough, there are too many success stories out there to prove you can be a bigger success.
So sorry to hear the news. Now you have to make your own documentary called When Good Breasts Go Bad.
In fact that's a wonderful idea - you should contact TV companies to see if any are interested in documenting your experience and become a star worldwide, appearing on Oprah and taking five star trips to speak at women's conferences in London, Paris and Tokyo. There, now that's sorted please do keep us up to date. My Mum and her friend Breda are praying and lighting candles for you.
Oh Bri- how shitty..That's just crap.....hey if you ever want to we can pm each other back and forth with just curse words like virtual tourettes syndrome.
Well- maybe I'll just do it by myself....seems to make me feel better.
Bullshit! Bullshit!
Oh Bri- how shitty..That's just crap.....hey if you ever want to we can pm each other back and forth with just curse words like virtual tourettes syndrome.
That'd be a great way of using gabbly chat....
Bri, that's some shitty news. You'll still be you without the Bad Breast (BB) though and will continue to outsexy the rest of us mortal Cellarinas, of that I have no doubt. :)
Oh Bri- how shitty..That's just crap.....hey if you ever want to we can pm each other back and forth with just curse words like virtual tourettes syndrome.
Well- maybe I'll just do it by myself....seems to make me feel better.
Bullshit! Bullshit!
lol you funny :)
hehe @ virtual tourettes
Bri,
You are much more than your boobs and if that's what it takes to stay alive then do it.
By way of venting your anger, you may want this t-shirt from cafepress.com:
That shirt is great! It's so Bri.
Bri, how are you doing, haven't seen you in a couple days?
I am ok, thanks.
actually, I've been drinking since i got back. today my pal came over and gave me a perc and an oxy. I took both of them and I am going to go gety some more smirnoff before class.
I'm really kinda tired. I don't know what to do.
You won't be driving will you? Will you make it to class? Please be careful!
well, you better start planning a wonderful tattoo for that mast. scar!
I have a feeling this is going to cut way, waaaaaay into my sex life. Damn it!
Only if you let it. I thought that I'd never get laid again when my wife left me, an ostomate, to try and reignite that part of my world when we separated. I mean, a round belly with a plastic bag full of shit taped to it? Please.
Well, *never* once has it posed any sort of a problem in my sex life (other than being in the way if I don't keep my undies on). By the time anyone decides they'd like to do me, the're gonna do me because, well, I'm *me*. And you, Bri are *you*. Anyone interested in bedding you will not have made that decision based on the assumption that you've got two tits. They will have become inflamed by your wit, you intelligence, and your many other beautiful features and qualities, and will still wish to make with the old in-out, in-out even when you tell them that the old Arabian titty fuck might be slightly more challenging.
Anyone worth fucking is going to care very little about such a modification. If you don't believe me, then, as soon as you're healed up and feeling randy, give me a call and I'll come out there and prove it. :D
stop taking pills and drinking. then...get better. butt head.
stop taking pills and drinking. then...get better. butt head.
What he said. Grieve briefly, then start the healing. Preferably, start the healing before you even have a surgery.
The lads are giving you good advice there Bri. The pills might help get you through a few hours, but they aren't the way to beat this.
And...seriously, if you think a Mastectomy is going to cut into your sex-live you haven't fully realised how beautiful you are. I've seen your pics and you could be as flat as pancake both sides and still outsexy the rest of the Cellar.
Yea...that's in the no shit category Dana....but still....it did need to be pointed out!
:)
In fact, I'm going to the women I would screw thread right now.....you don't even have to be gay to think Bri's hot.
Bri, I'm very sad that you have this bitch of a thing to deal with.
But you are a strong, intelligent, compassionate woman, and I *know* that once you decide to deal with this and get that shit out of your body, you will do so completely and emerge with grace and dignity intact.
As far as losing the boob, I agree with Patrick 100%, any man worth anything won't care. It's a piece of fat hanging off your chest. But insurance will generally pay for an implant if you wanna go that route.
Sending my love and positive vibes to you.
So, Bri,
any decision on the course of treatment? Was the tentative diagnosis correct? Is the other boob completely clear? When will the surgery be? Any sign of metastasis? Any more tests to be done? chemo? Rad therapy? Wishing you all the best -want me to mail home cooked meals? I've heard fried eggs fit nicely into those little bubble mailers.
Saw the oncologist today (waited a damn hour before he came into the room!) and he said there's no Her-2 receptors on it so that is good. he said they're gonna put me in a national trial--have chemo for five months (FIVE) to shrink tumor (is 8cmX6cm so is humongous) THEN surgery and if I get one of three of the six clinical trial arms MORE chemo---seven months more. Then he said something about radiation but i think that's only if I don't pull one of the three arms of treatment that demands a year of chemo. Does this make sense? it's like this: I am in a trial and there are six possible ways it could go depending on the random choice of the trial. Three of the six possible trials require a year of chemo--five months before surgery and seven after. I may not get on that trial and then would have five months of chemo, surgery and then radiation. At any rate, they want to shrink this bad boy before they cut.
TOmorrow I get a PET scan and if it shows mets, a whole NEW plan will be put in place with NO surgery, just chemo. This week I've got scheduled a PET with a diagnostic CT, an EKG, and echocardiogram, an MRI. On Oct 1 I get my port put in. The ball is rolling.
Oh, and could I have hard boiled eggs in the mail instead of fried? :)
I have a question: why is he enrolling you in a trial? What is the standard accepted practice for this sub-type of cancer? What stage is the trial (2nd, 3rd)?
What are your other options?
After being involved in a cancer patient's therapy decisions for six years, I have more than a little skepticism of things one's oncologist just enrolls you in, without further information. What is his "tie" to the trial? Is he a sponsor, or affiliated with the trial in any way?
Does he get paid for every patient he refers?
Is the trial
really good news for you? Will it make a measurable difference in your outcome statistics, QoL or longterm survival? Will your insurance cover side-effects or other issues if you have to withdraw from the trial mid-stream?
Please look up your trial
here, and get some answers if you can.
So very many questions. Best wishes to you.
Thanks for all the food for thought, Pie.
here's what I know: It's called NSABP B-40, a randomized Phase III Trial of Neoadjuvant Therapy in Patients with Palpable and Operable Breast Cancer Evaluating the Effect on Pathologic Complete Response (pCR) of Adding Capecitabine or Gemcitabine to Docetaxel when Administered Before AC with or without Bevacizumab and Correlative Science Studies Attempting to Identify Predictors of High Likelihood for pCR with Each of the Regimens. (whew!)
The study is being conducted by the National Surgical Adjuvant Breast and Bowel Project (NSABP)
The purpose is to see how breast CA's like mine respond to several different chemo combos---I will be getting the national standard for chemo treatment WITH an addition of one of five possible other meds to see if these added meds (one is capecitabine, the other is gemcitabine and three others are combos with a drug that keeps the tumor from making new blood vessels [this is the year-long chemo option]) are BETTER than the standard--which I will be getting. I will either get the straight standard treatment or standard treatment with these other meds added. Most sig. side effect of these other meds: diarrhea, red palms, red soles (of my feet). No increase in nausea, vomiting, leukopenia, etc. The added meds are meds that are used to treat breast ca that is either more aggressive than mine OR in stage IV. I'm in stage three. My tumor is also palpable which makes me eligible. There are two women in the study ahead of me who, after three cycles of chemo (of a total of 8 cycles) who can no longer palp their mass--it has shrunk that much.
The doc didn't just enroll me in it, we talked for about 1/2 hour and then I met the nurse practitioner who helps trial people thru with appointments, etc. she gave me 18 pages of info on the trial to read and then make my decision about it. 1200 women will take part in this study. My surgeon, as well as my onc., are on the tumor board. This is something in conjunction with the Bethesda Maryland National Cancer Institute.
are you sorry you asked? :)
because I am in the study, I will be followed very closely, get some of the drugs for free, etc.
Oh, yeah, the meds and treatments assoc. with the trial will be free. Because of this, I will be getting more echocardiograms, more blood and urine tests, and ore biopsies than if I didn't do the trial.
I heard about this on NPR today .
It sounded promising !!
Good luck
Sounds good given the circs. Good Luck with it all -when do you start?
I could maybe put the boiled eggs inside tennis balls and hit them in your direction? Maybe use beest's compressed air nerf cannon to launch them?
I heard about this on NPR today .
It sounded promising !!
Good luck
oh my gosh! That is sooo cool! Maybe I can hear it on NPR's website tonight! thanks for the heads up!! :)
Thanks, zippyt.
Oh, just for you , zip
:ggw:
Monster--I will prolly start this week if my PET scan tomorrow is neg for metz. If there is metz, the deal is off.
No, not this week, coz my port won't be put in until Monday. I would imagine next week after port implantation. sheesh, there is so much stuff to think of and do...kinda overwhelming.
Rooting for you, flower. Seriously, let us know if there's any practical help we dwellars can provide. You know we're already here for the other stuff :D
Wait a sec... "National... Breast and Bowel Project"?
I'm real sorry babe, but, isn't that a porn site?
Ask Els, I'm sure he'd know...
I like breasts, have only half the normal amount of bowel, and must have missed that web site.
Bri, this sounds really exciting and promising. Just remember that no matter what trial you are in, *you* are the single most critical ingredient to success. Now is the time to start doing some meditation coupled with visualization. Get into your zone, and start visualizing that fucker shrinking, cringing before the onslaught of your will and the meds coursing through your blood stream. Visualize it dissolving, melting, vanishing. Do this upon rising and again upon retiring. Program your body to manifest your will.
Faith is not the belief in something that you cannot see. Faith is the belief that *you* control your reality, your body...your piece of the universe.
Now go kick that motherfucker's cancerous ass.
Thanks for all the food for thought, Pie.
...
are you sorry you asked? :)
Not in the slightest. I am relieved, because you know what you are getting into! :thumb:
I'm sorry if I sounded like I was second-guessing you. Go get 'em!
PS: one last question (!) -- does this mean that you have decided against surgery for now? The tumour is "operable" but it looks like chemo-only in the trial. Interesting.
The tumour is "operable" but it looks like chemo-only in the trial. Interesting.
I didn't read the trial details (I will, but later), but the gist i understood was that the trials is about which shrink it better? Beiung part of the trial doesn't rule out surgery once it's shrunk -am I mistaken? My only experience is talking to sufferers -I'm no medic-, but I understood that if surgery can be delayed while the tumors are shrunk, then the chances are that the surgery will be less serious and is more likely to be successful?
Right, monster.
This trial is about what best shrinks the tumor so that a lumpectomy can be performed instead of a mastectomy. They want to save as much breast tissue as they can to make reconstruction either minimal or completely avoidable. If I had a lumpectomy now, half my breast would be gone; a mastectomy would require a total reconstruct. By shrinking and THEN doing what little reconstruction is needed, I imagine all sorts of insurance money is saved (see? I'm not completely naive ;)
Surgery is in my future--they just want to deal with a smaller demon.
I appreciate everyone's input, etc. There is so much for me to think about and decide I need this kind of dialog--don't feel bad at all, Pie. I am glad you asked those questions--I hadn't thought of the points you brought up and it made me do some research!
Thinking of you chicken.
I am glad you have people like Pie and Monster asking and probing.....I will just be here sending well wishes and FUCK OFF CANCER thoughts your way.
What Dana affirmed about what Ducks said. Other people knowing what to say helps me to get information I otherwise wouldn't have known because I don't know enough to know what questions to ask (huh? what kind of sentence was that?)
Thinking of you, Bri! :)
Did I already tell you guys this? My PET and CT and MRI all came back negative. Yessss!
I get the port put in thursday and start chemo oct. 8th---I just don't know what arm of the trial I'll be in. I'll find that out on the 8th I guess. NO METZ! That's some damn fine news. Thanks for all the good wishes and vibes, ya'll.
AWESOME.
You are the ass-kickingest ass-kicker I know. Keep bashing that sucker's face in.
I can't tell you how happy this makes me for you and yours!
You FULLY deserve this!
YAYYYYY!!!
Excellent Bri! That's fantastic news!
Fan-Dabby-DOZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!:thumb: :thumb2:
Limey I think it's actually now a criminal offence to reference the Krankies.
Is that what the fuck that was?
Anyway, good on you, Bri. That makes me mucho happy.
Did I already tell you guys this? My PET and CT and MRI all came back negative. Yessss!
I get the port put in thursday and start chemo oct. 8th---I just don't know what arm of the trial I'll be in. I'll find that out on the 8th I guess. NO METZ! That's some damn fine news. Thanks for all the good wishes and vibes, ya'll.
Awesome!!! :D
Hey write me before tomorrow if you get a chance! I've got some fabulous news myself!