There is Something Wrong with My Chinese Delivery Place
I got this fortune cookie tonight. It didn't have the usual fortune cookie platitudes about long voyages or obscure Confucian wisdom type stuff.
It said "Stay away from the opposite sex."
It was not a specialty comedy cookie. Actually, they've been on a run of soppy positive self esteem cookies.
I thought about it awhile and realized that I must have gotten someone else's cookie, so I gave it to the homosexual when he got back into the office.
Well, shit--you've turned someone else's cookie for you into a paradox for him.
It sounds like a derivation of the general advice to stay away from temptation (e.g. advice to recovering alcoholics is to stay away from alcohol and bars, advice to adulterers is to stay away from the opposite sex. Perhaps they fancy themselves Chinese deliverers from evil. ;)
Damn good advice that, I wish I got that one wolf.
I thought about it awhile and realized that I must have gotten someone else's cookie, so I gave it to the homosexual when he got back into the office.
Well played. :)
Wow. They don't even try to be subtle. Just "STAY AWAY." Not avoid, not "be cautious."
That's really funny. :)
Two woks don't make a right.
Wow. Nice encouragement to go asexual. Or homosexual. Nun or shun.
Two woks don't make a right.
THAT was a good one! :lol:
You know, it could have been a typo; maybe it was supposed to say "Stay away from the opposite of sex." As in, having no sex. Ah, who am I kidding? That's just a messed up cookie.
Perhaps the strangest fortune I ever received simply said "Made in the USA." I'm not joking here. That was the fortune, not some legal production ID business.
Perhaps you got one intended for domestic consumption, and not intended for export. I say it's
legit. Very topical, current events-fresh.
Citizens told to quit bad habits before Beijing Olympics
Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:54PM BST
By Nick Mulvenney
BEIJING (Reuters) - The people of Beijing have been asked to rid themselves of bad habits and clean up their language as part of improving the city's environment ahead of next year's Olympic Games.
Addressing the "ceremony of mobilisation and pledging of the people from all circles for Olympic one-year countdown", Beijing Olympic chief Liu Qi stressed it was up to individuals to ensure the city was ready to host the Games in a year and two weeks' time.
"Every citizen should behave in a civilised manner, cast away ugly habits, clean up their language, clean the environment and clean the air," Liu, president of the Beijing Organising Committee for the Olympic Games (BOCOG), said on Wednesday.
That edict should have a big impact on the monkey-riding-goat concession. Those things poo, you know.
Damn good advice that, I wish I got that one wolf.
Pish tosh. Just hang out with more worthy members of the opposite sex. Start with me.
I'm going with not hanging out with any at the moment 'spode.
I'm hanging the old CFM's up for a well deserved break, but you are at the top of my list when I am...well.....back on the horse, so to speak ;)
They should enforce a spellcheck program too - mobili-s-ation and civili-s-ation. That or get a keyboard with a "z" key that works.
Unless of course that is a european spelling in which case -
as Gilda Radner put it - nevermind.
i suppose i should apologize in advance for this.......sorry.
"Every citizen should behave in a civilised manner, cast away ugly habits, clean up their language, clean the environment and clean the air," Liu, president of the Beijing Organising Committee for the Olympic Games (BOCOG), said on Wednesday.
If they are cursing in Chinese, who would know? Or has the influx of pirated American movies and gangsta rap made "fuck" the most heard word on the streets?
I once got a cookie fortune that beats all of these. I carried the thing around in my wallet until the paper disintegrated.
"Toreador pants are something that make your feet look big too."
I later found the Zippy The Pinhead strip with that line in it.
Life was not merely imitating art, it was copying it word for word.
If they are cursing in Chinese, who would know?
Firefly fans.
Little Pete's fencing coach told her he'd teach her some choice Hungarian, french, Russian, and Italian so she could plant the seed of doubt in directors heads when questionable calls are made.
I can see how curses and oaths, in a foreign language, spat out by someone holding a weapon, would be unnerving.
It also makes them wonder if the kid can understand them conspiring to cheat in their native tongue. :)
The directors would be foreign and of the same nationality? Are we talking about international competition here?
That reminds me of the one I got the other day..... "your bills are your bills and your partner's bills are your bills"
Even my fortune cookies are trying to give me relationship advice.
Holy!
My favorite: "you are the apple of my eye."
My fortune cookie actually hit on me............Awesome! But I ate it. *Sorry cookie*
"Pink will be your new favorite color."
"It's never to late to learn."
I have both of these laminated in my wallet, but I'm too lazy to post a picture of them.
I gave it to the homosexual when he got back into the office.
So he is at your office this week? He used to work here. I wonder where he will turn up next.
I used to get some crazy ones, and from all over, it was a trend for a while.
My favorite was, and this was all, with no lotto numbers on it.
"The end is near".
We usually just call him "The Fag."
His work (not relationship) partner is usually "The Fatman."
They write themselves onto the duty board that way.
They should enforce a spellcheck program too - mobili-s-ation and civili-s-ation. That or get a keyboard with a "z" key that works.
British English has those spellings. Both are acceptable here, but the 's' spelling is started to be replaced by the 'z' spelling. To me, 'civilisation' looks more correct that 'civilization'. Though I sometimes use the 'z' spelling.
We usually just call him "The Fag."
His work (not relationship) partner is usually "The Fatman."
They write themselves onto the duty board that way.
Hilarious.
is it anything like this?
[ATTACH]13875[/ATTACH]
It's more like Laurel and Hardy Drive The Ambulance.
It's more like Laurel and Hardy Drive The Ambulance.
:lol: That's a keeper - what an image!
The directors would be foreign and of the same nationality? Are we talking about international competition here?
[Highjack Shield]Many directors are also coaches but are barred from that role during competition. If they share a language with your opponent, they might be tempted to skirt the rules. Right now Russians are the common foreigners because of the breakup of the Soviet sports system. The Hungarians are leftovers from '56. It would be more of an issue in international competition, but it could happen. A well-timed curse just might keep them honest.[/Highjack shield down]
Perhaps the strangest fortune I ever received simply said "Made in the USA." I'm not joking here. That was the fortune, not some legal production ID business.
It should have said "Made for the USA".
Can't believe we're this far into the thread for the first mention of my favorite aspect of fortune cookie fortunes (I thought it was compulsory...): to read the fortune out loud, then add the words "in bed" at the end.
Of course, it could be just me...
I learned it as "...between the sheets."
Can't believe we're this far into the thread for the first mention of my favorite aspect of fortune cookie fortunes (I thought it was compulsory...): to read the fortune out loud, then add the words "in bed" at the end.
Of course, it could be just me...
Ok....now my fortunes are making a lot more sense. (in bed)
That is always the way I have read them. Most of our friends now had never heard of it read that way. I told them it was there; just in white ink.
"Stay away from the opposite sex."
in bed.
"we know what you did with that hairbrush"
in bed.
"Toreador pants are something that make your feet look big too."
in bed.
"your bills are your bills and your partner's bills are your bills"
in bed.
"you are the apple of my eye."
in bed.
"Pink will be your new favorite color."
in bed.
"It's never to late to learn."
in bed.
Laurel and Hardy Drive The Ambulance.
in bed.
(I know it hasn't (yet) been printed on a fortune, but it's damn funny anyway.)
"Made for the USA"
in bed.
Yep. Much clearer.
Did that come with a set of Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses?
Hey, I never knew Douglas Adams wrote fortunes!
Would you believe........the Claw wrote those fortunes? :D