Short VD poem

My wife was travelling on Valentine's Day, so I wrote this short poem. It has kind of a VD/Halloween feel. Note the cultural references.

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Your love is like a steel-tipped dart.
In aimless days when we’re apart,
I don’t come home ‘til after dark,
then stop in the door of the shadowed room,
the light through the window from the fallen moon,
the light through the window from the rising snow,
a shadow on the wall in the shape of a man,
the shadow of a man with a bow in his hand,
and a cat in a tree on a branch near his head,
and a one-eyed bird at the foot of the bed.

As I reach for the light that I know doesn’t work,
he pulls back his bow, lets it go with a jerk.
I look at my shirt with the dart sticking through,
and the bird on the bed says, “You got red on you.”

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That has nothing to do with Venereal Disease. :p

Why does it hurt when I pee?

I often try to avoid other people's poetry because I don't know how to politely say, "Yes I know you are proud of it, but it's not very good is it?" and I really hate to lie about things that are important to me.

But this being the internet I figured you wouldn't know I'd peeked at it...

Then it turns out to be good and I'm impressed.
Very clever, round of applause.

I look at my shirt with the dart sticking through,
and the bird on the bed says, “You got red on you.”

Shaun of the Dead ref?

Sundae Girl;328486 wrote:

I often try to avoid other people's poetry because I don't know how to politely say, "Yes I know you are proud of it, but it's not very good is it?" and I really hate to lie about things that are important to me.

But this being the internet I figured you wouldn't know I'd peeked at it...

Then it turns out to be good and I'm impressed.
Very clever, round of applause.

Sundae Girl, thanks for the kind words. I hesitated for a long time before posting it, then figured, this being the internet, etc. and no one here knows me. It's difficult to open yourself up to potential criticism, as I'm sure you know, and that's really the first time I've tried poetry (if you can call it that).

DanaC;328497 wrote:

Shaun of the Dead ref?

Yes, DanaC - SotD. One of the best of the romzomcom genre, I think.

and that's really the first time I've tried poetry (if you can call it that).

Fuck off, seriously? Natural talent.


btw, have you seen the SotD team's latest ? Hot Fuzz. Wicked little number.

DanaC - I just looked up Hot Fuzz on IMDB (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0425112/). I couldn't figure out where, or if, it is playing in the US.

I think Bri said ir was out in April....?

Yeah, supposed to be out in April here in the states.

You know what Stephen Fry said about reading other peoples poetry--it's like smelling other people's farts. that said, though, I liked the poem!

Brianna;328681 wrote:

You know what Stephen Fry said about reading other peoples poetry--it's like smelling other people's farts. that said, though, I liked the poem!

That's better than the reaction I got from my wife.

DanaC, I was inspired to dig out the Shaun of the Dead disc and watch it Friday night. That still makes me laugh.