Sorcery VS Rectum

lumberjim • Mar 28, 2007 10:27 am
You need an ass transplant or you'll die. The anus costs $25,000, and you can't find a donor.

Is this any different than someone putting a magic wand to your head and demanding $25,000 to not cast the spell? If it's different, how?
DanaC • Mar 28, 2007 10:29 am
lj are you very bored today?
TheMercenary • Mar 28, 2007 10:37 am
I would say you are basically hosed since you can't really get an ass transplant and magic is not going to cure your ailment. :D
DanaC • Mar 28, 2007 10:41 am
hehe....he said hosed...hehe
Shawnee123 • Mar 28, 2007 10:48 am
I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."
Sundae • Mar 28, 2007 11:01 am
In the UK you are required to register your rectum at birth. The information is stored on an ID card in Whitehall. When you start earning a wage above the official poverty line, a Rectum Tax is applied to your wages on a Pay As You Go basis - the self employed have to calculate their own.

If at any point in the future you need a transplant, the money is taken out of this fund to do it. The poor get theirs free, the rich pay for it privately and the middle class have to wait for 6 months while all the paperwork is checked to make sure they have earned enough to cover the cost of the operation. Unless they submit the claim Out Of Hours, in which case they can only be operated on on the last day of any given month.

Seems perfectly fair and simple to me, and I don't understand why this isn't the model adopted by the US.

It is entirely different to being held to ransom by a magic wand. The first scenario is one you can plan for, whether by saving money yourself or committing to higher taxes. The second is one where someone without morals has been allowed to get hold of a dangerous magical item. Wands don't ruin arses, people do.
TheMercenary • Mar 28, 2007 11:02 am
Shawnee123;327315 wrote:
I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."
"Butt, Butt, Butt (pun) I am entitled to a new one, cause this one is all worn out, and you should pay for me to get a new one..."

:bawling:
TheMercenary • Mar 28, 2007 11:04 am
Sundae Girl;327322 wrote:
... and the middle class have to wait for 6 months while all the paperwork is checked to make sure they have earned enough to cover the cost of the operation. Unless they submit the claim Out Of Hours, in which case they can only be operated on on the last day of any given month.


And in which case your rectal disease has spread to your liver, brain, and bone and now there is no hope for you. To the back of the line you! :cool:
Spexxvet • Mar 28, 2007 12:12 pm
lumberjim;327297 wrote:
You need an ass transplant or you'll die. The anus costs $25,000, and you can't find a donor.
...


You don't have to pay $25,000 - there's an asshole in your chair at this very moment.

Oh no I di-int!:lol: :flamer:
Spexxvet • Mar 28, 2007 12:15 pm
Shawnee123;327315 wrote:
I am SO sick of hearing "wah, I want to get a new rectum but I'm a single parent and you people (I love being "you people") won't help me ...boohoo."


You know, if people wouldn't use anal loopholes, and avoid paying their anal tax, there would be plenty for everyone to have a minimal amount of rectal coverage. Instead we have our asses all over the world, shitting in Iraq and Afghanistan, wasting our sphincters on foreigners. The nerve!
Shawnee123 • Mar 28, 2007 12:28 pm
Damn, you are the funniest people on earth!
TheMercenary • Mar 28, 2007 12:36 pm
Spexxvet;327381 wrote:
You know, if people wouldn't use anal loopholes, and avoid paying their anal tax, there would be plenty for everyone to have a minimal amount of rectal coverage. Instead we have our asses all over the world, shitting in Iraq and Afghanistan, wasting our sphincters on foreigners. The nerve!

Yep, it will eventually wreck tem.:p
lumberjim • Mar 28, 2007 12:39 pm
Spexxvet;327376 wrote:
You don't have to pay $25,000 - there's an asshole in your chair at this very moment.

Oh no I di-int!:lol: :flamer:

i think that would cause a rectal-donor-feedback loop that would in turn cause a collapse of the space-time facbric in my immediate region. once that kind of thing gets going, it just sucks up everything around, including canal water. I've been told that my ass sucks canal water, but i didn't appreciate it at the time, and if for no other reason than to thwart the accuracy of that statement, I'll have to decline to provide my self with my self as an asshole donor. I would accept your lips, however......as they are quite sphincter like and already shitty. ;)
Spexxvet • Mar 28, 2007 2:27 pm
lumberjim;327395 wrote:
... I would accept your lips, however......as they are quite sphincter like and already shitty. ;)


Shitty? I only toss clean salads
lumberjim • Mar 28, 2007 3:41 pm
shitty in the metaphorical sense, of course.
footfootfoot • Mar 29, 2007 12:05 am
Sorcery?
Damn near killedery.