How Many Cellurites Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

> 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
> >
> > 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the lightbulb could have been changed differently.
> >
> > 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
> >
> > 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
> >
> > 13 to flame the spell checkers.
> >
> > 18 to correct spelling/grammar flames.
> >
> > 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb".
> >
> > 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.
> >
> > 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
> >
> > 5 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that"light bulb" is perfectly correct.
> >
> > 6 to email the participant' s ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
> >
> > 4 to post that this mailing list is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb mailing list.
> >
> > 11 to defend the posting to this mailing list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mailing list.
> >
> > 1 to show everyone how he didn't have to change the bulb but fixed it up with duct tape & balin' wire and wants to know if he's now qualified for "Redneck Status".
> >
> > 3 willing to let him have honorary status.
> >
> > 15 saying he is disqualified because his fix actually worked and continues to function and besides nobody was hurt during the repair.
> >
> > 3 to claim that since they have superior visual skills they don't need those "damn bulbs".
> >
> > 27 to say the new energy saving bulbs will never replace the oldstandards and speculate which models will be discontinued in 5-10 years.
> >
> > 1 to ask, "can you kill an elk with a light bulb?".
> >
> > Another one to say, "Yeah, but a heavy bulb penetrates better and is more likely to make up for poor placement.".
> >
> > 8 will insist that the light trajectory from a fixture featuring multiple 60-watt bulbs is flatter than the trajectory of a single big-bore bulb of the same total wattage.
> >
> > 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
> >
> > 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
> >
> > 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
> >
> > 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
> >
> > 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
> >
> > 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
> >
> > 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "what he said".
> >
> > 4 to say that, "BY GOD lightbulbs are for sissies!" and that in their day they had to use coal oil lanterns and home made candles.
> >
> > 8 to post rolling eyes....Here we go again!!
> >
> > 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
> >
> > 14 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
> >
> > 20 to wonder why some of these people don't read their owner's manual instead of asking the whole world where the light bulb is, what type it is, and how to change it. But they don't want to post such a question.
> >
> > 8 to say that flourescent is far superior to incandescent.
> >
> > 12 to refute that it makes no difference whether one uses incandescent or flourescent.
> >
> > 3 to state that they "know someone" who was blinded by the use of incandescents and only an inexperienced person or outright fool would
> choose anything other than flourescent.
> >
> > 3 to state that they have tried reading upside down using incandescents and can still see absolutely no difference between the two.
> >
> > 1 to put his incandescent light bulbs (lamps/lightbulbs) in nothing but fiberglass swirly colored light fixtures.
> >
> > 6 to condem anyone using grid power, obvious from their reference over which type to use and demand that everyone switch to eco-friendly candles.
> >
> > 6 to push for the further development of LED clusters.
> >
> > and finally, 1 mailing list "lurker" to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

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None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand. :keys:

I have a great joke about this, but it would make no sense to type it, given that it involves Tourette's.

1 to point out that the proper spelling for cellarites is not cellurites.

Of course, I will assume this responsibility. ;)

11 posts that mention light globes rather than light bulbs.
2 people asking what light globes are.

Shit, I've got a Word Document with 73 pages, single spaced, of these things....don't get me started.:lol:

Cellarites wouldn't try to change the light bulbs: they seek to change the dim bulbs. ;)

6 (yeah you guys) (well seven including me) to try and add more numbers to the light-bulb/globe changing situation.

1 messed up bong smoking hippie to point out that its wrong to try and change a light bulb and it has the right to go out whenever it wants, but still try and protect other bulbs from going out saying that humans are just using bulbs for their own reason and if we keep doing it the bulb will become extinct and we should use mother earth friendly light sources like love and freedom.

This time of the morning--2 or 3 to peer in and notice the lightbulb needs changing, then leave expecting that the one it takes will change it at a more appropriate hour.

Regular Cellarites don't change the bulbs...they email Undertoad and point out to him that the bulb is out.

I wonder if light bulbs are tasty?

1 to eat the light bulb and get rushed to hospital, letting everyone else know not to eat the light bulb

and don't forget the 3 people who will turn light bulbs into sexual toys and proceed to make jokes about it...like the guys who end up in the emergency room with shattered glass up their arse.

4 to be stubborn and say that candles are just fine and continue to use them after the bulb has been changed

from the arsehole?

Only one to do this.....

lit candles are quite painful going into the anus

How many Cellarites would try changing the same lightbulb before asking if anyone remembered to pay the electric bill?! :smack:

Kagen4o4;320164 wrote:

lit candles are quite painful going into the anus

Was that experience speaking? ;)

several couples to use the hot wax in a sexual setting.

NoBoxes;320165 wrote:

How many Cellarites would try changing the same lightbulb before asking if anyone remembered to pay the electric bill?! :smack:

None -there are no bills in the cellar -just the tip jar ;)

Aliantha;320420 wrote:

Was that experience speaking? ;)

no. experience suggests that something has been learnt.

6 trips to the hospital later...they suggested i just keep a kiddie pool of ice water at home

lmao

But you have learned that it hurts obviously...just that you haven't learned not to do it again...cause it's still gonna hurt? *still laughing*

Aliantha;320514 wrote:

But you have learned that it hurts obviously...just that you haven't learned not to do it again...cause it's still gonna hurt? *still laughing*

[COLOR="Silver"]
psssst. He just likes the ice water...[/COLOR]

Question: How many members of the chief bullshitter's regime does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Ten.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of the bullshitter, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner 'Bulb Accomplished';
7. One regime insider to resign and in detail reveal how the bullshitter was literally 'in the dark' the whole time;
8. One to viciously smear No. 7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how the chief bullshitter has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And we're still sitting in the dark because no one has changed the lightbulb.

And we're still sitting in the dark because no one has changed the lightbulb.

You go to the Cellar with the lightbulb you have not the lightbulb you...

capnhowdy;319413 wrote:

1 to point out that the proper spelling for cellarites is not cellurites.

Of course, I will assume this responsibility. ;)

Wouldn't that be "cellulite" in this regard? Or am I mixing this up with the "Body image" thread?

Your call.

It is obvious I don't accept responsibility well.

What bulb. I like the dark.

I think I may be offended by your use of the term "dark".

I'm thinking I would like to be reading "luminescently-challenged" or perhaps "african light". Mmmmmkay?

its a clinical condition thats called "photon deficiency". its also genetic.

Oh Please! Obviously it is a product of the environment and not genetic. Nurture over Nature everytime. Otherwise lightbulbs would be prescription only and stores would be raided by gangs desperate for a fix, all the lighbulb store owners would be armed, and then the liberals and their tree-hugging gun control would take over Wikipedia and the world would end unless we repent to Jesus.

Kagen4o4;323514 wrote:

its a clinical condition thats called "photon deficiency". its also genetic.

Genetic? So you are saying there's something wrong with my family? HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!

"Mr. Jackson, Mr. Jackson, Beestie on line 1."

monster;323543 wrote:

Oh Please! Obviously it is a product of the environment and not genetic. Nurture over Nature everytime. Otherwise lightbulbs would be prescription only and stores would be raided by gangs desperate for a fix, all the lighbulb store owners would be armed, and then the liberals and their tree-hugging gun control would take over Wikipedia and the world would end unless we repent to Jesus.

There needs to be a constitutional ammendment banning luminescently-challenged marriages.

Beestie;323549 wrote:

Genetic? So you are saying there's something wrong with my family? HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!

"Mr. Jackson, Mr. Jackson, Beestie on line 1."

How can there be a "rainbow" coalition in the dark? Wouldn't it be more like a "shades of gray" coalition?

Beestie;323549 wrote:

Genetic? So you are saying there's something wrong with my family? HATE CRIME! HATE CRIME!

"Mr. Jackson, Mr. Jackson, Beestie on line 1."

you non luminants are all the same!!

but i never said it was a failing. i just said it was a genetic condition

I have seen the light!

IT BURNS!

Indeed. I used Clorox on my eyeballs.