Celebrity Won't Bang List

Since there is a "Celebrity Bang List" and a "Virtual Celebrity Bang List", I wanted to see a "Celebrity Won't Bang List".

These are people that others find attractive, but you wouldn't bang, even if given the chance.

Who in your top 5?

1. Paris Hilton
2. Nicole Ritchie

These two bags o' antlers never were, aren't, and never will be.

3. Patricia Heaton
4. Britney Spears
5. Mariah Carey

Honorable Mention - Either of the Olson Twins.

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie *are* my top five won't bangs. All of 'em.

I don't think I need.... or will ever need, a list.
Anyone I wrote down, that is (in)famous enough for you to know who I'm talking about, is so far out of my league I couldn't pick them up on cable. :smack:

Crimson Ghost;316546 wrote:

Honorable Mention - Either of the Olson Twins.

Or both at once!

There's about 3 billion of 'em! hahaha

Merlin Olsen?

Saw the title of this thread and instantly thought of Paris Hilton.

The Hoff!!

Justin Timberlake is an obvious choice, I think.

I have to throw Toby Keith in there, too. Not only does he seem like a raging a-hole, but he looks like he's smelly.

Paris... not with your dick.

Pamela Anderson anyone? it's not if you'll catch something, but what.....

I saw a photo of Ms. Anderson without her makeup once. Yikes! Although she might have been hung over, too, so maybe I shouldn't be so harsh.

Also, her taste in men lead me to think that she may have bacteria from... well... I'll leave that for your imagination.

Well, Pammy does have the Hep-C...

glatt;316603 wrote:

Saw the title of this thread and instantly thought of Paris Hilton.

Then I have done my job.

Pam Anderson was instant thought, too. Hep-C is just what she has ADMITTED to having. Anna Nicole was #2, until last week.
Kelly Preston, but I'd be scared I'd be kidnapped and brought to her temple.

I'd give it to Demi Moore, but I'd be too scared that at the last second, Ashton would jump out of the armoire and yell "PUNK'D!!!"

rkzenrage;316678 wrote:

Also, her taste in men lead me to think that she may have bacteria from... well... I'll leave that for your imagination.

Uh, yeah--Tommy Lee Jones and Kid Rock are truly 'Won't Bang' worthy. :greenface

Michael Jackson

:eek:

Guyute;316698 wrote:

Pam Anderson was instant thought, too. Hep-C is just what she has ADMITTED to having. Anna Nicole was #2, until last week.

Does this mean that, now that Anna is dead, you WOULD bang her?


Ewwww!!!!!

Sheldonrs;316849 wrote:

Does this mean that, now that Anna is dead, you WOULD bang her?


Ewwww!!!!!

I certainly find her more attractive dead...

...although duct tape over the gob would have had the same effect for less expense

Undertoad;316702 wrote:

Money cannot protect you from headlice.

monster;316853 wrote:

Money cannot protect you from headlice.

But at least the dents on the sides of her skull make a good mark for where the electrodes go.

I get the feeling that she is on the road to a complete breakdown.

Demi Moore did that and look at what a big star she is n..... Uh, nevermind.:bolt:

True; but, it might get Britney a gig on SNL ripping up pictures of the Pope. :D

I'm not interested in any of the conventionally attractive men my colleagues lust for. I'd rather go for tea with Ian Hislop than have sex with most movie stars.

I will give Robbie Williams a specific mention though. Even without being over-tattooed, egocentric and self-indulgent, I bet he's a really crap lover.

Sundae Girl;316888 wrote:

I'm not interested in any of the conventionally attractive men my colleagues lust for. I'd rather go for tea with Ian Hislop than have sex with most movie stars.

I will give Robbie Williams a specific mention though. Even without being over-tattooed, egocentric and self-indulgent, I bet he's a really crap lover.

In spite of such temptations
Laid by those of her great nation
She won't bang that Englishman
She won't ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ang that Englishman.

Pace G&S

Ben Affleck
Justin T'Lake

I'm sure there are more but I'm too ill to think now.

Uma Thurman

bluecuracao;316727 wrote:

Uh, yeah--Tommy Lee Jones and Kid Rock are truly 'Won't Bang' worthy. :greenface

I mean Tommy Lee. Tommy Lee Jones is cool, and not gross.

Spexxvet;316942 wrote:

Uma Thurman

Have we gotten this thread confused with the "would bang" thread? 'Cause I almost put Uma down as a definite "would bang".

I think Uma's funny-looking, myself. I don't get how anyone thinks she's beautiful at all.

Elspode;316999 wrote:

Have we gotten this thread confused with the "would bang" thread? 'Cause I almost put Uma down as a definite "would bang".

Clodfobble;317023 wrote:

I think Uma's funny-looking, myself. I don't get how anyone thinks she's beautiful at all.

Clodfobble and I agree on this one. Nominated, I will not bang. Elected, ...well...

Clodfobble;317023 wrote:

I think Uma's funny-looking, myself. I don't get how anyone thinks she's beautiful at all.

you're crazy. that's crazy talk. i would do bad, awful things to uma. things that i would regret at a later time.

lumberjim;317057 wrote:

you're crazy. that's crazy talk. i would do bad, awful things to uma. things that i would regret at a later time.

Or things Uma would regret, most likely. :eek:

Henry and June . . . Dangerous Liaisons . . . Pulp Fiction . . . all very worthy!

I've always wondered what people like so much about Uma also.

her shoulders and her big nose. guh. shlurp.

1. Hilton/Ritchie
2. Cameron Diaz
3. Drew Barrymore

No, I'd do Drew. Sorry, but I'd be powerless to resist. I'm nasty that way.

Does the crazy astronaut lady count as a celebrity yet?
Woody Allen. ew.

Pamela unplugged was once a cute babe before she fell in the hands of Dr.Frankenstein...

:) WHAT? I think Uma is awesome. The only woman for whom I might consider a trip to the Island of Lesbos . :p
jk!

But I do like her...maybe it's my obsession with Pulp Fiction. I also liked her in that silly movie The Truth About Cats and Dogs. I can't always take the cultural high road.

That Federliner dork, or whatever his name is
Justin Timberlake
Brad Pitt (now that he is uber-famous. He would have been one of my "would-bangs" in the early 90s)
Tom Cruise

case;317267 wrote:

...
Tom Cruise

That might depress him.:rolleyes:

Only if you make noise.

Another one for No Paris Hilton -- nor for Anna Nicole when she was still, ah, available.

Not-smart is not-sexy.

Stoned is not sexy either. Footage of A.N.S. surfaced on the news today, featuring A.N.S. on 'shrooms and getting a perfectly awful clown-face made up on her.

Just one more trainwreck tape from the trainwreck tape specialist.

Enough already. Howard K. Stern should be disbarred for blatant ethics violations.

Francisco Franco told me she's still dead. :right:

Jennifer Anniston or either of her roomates from Friends.

Any of the women from Sex and the City although I had to pause for a second about the one with the black hair. The one with the red hair - yikes - I'd sooner take a vow of celibacy.

Eva Longoria. Something ain't right about her but I can't put my finger on it.

Sarah Jessica Parker. What a horse-faced twat.

Courtney Cox. Anyone willing to screw David Arquette really needs to re-access their life. Granted, he is a former WCW Heavyweight Champion (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!), but still...

Rosie O'Donnell
Star Jones
Opra

I'm assuming this is a celebrity who others like but I don't thread...

In that case, I wouldn't fuck Pam Anderson, Brittany Spears, Jennifer Lopez, The Olsen Twins, or Paris Hilton with someone else's dick.

Beestie;321638 wrote:

The one with the red hair - yikes - I'd sooner take a vow of celibacy.

Send her on over to my place . . . .

:3some: Yo, sloppy seconds here.

Isn't the actual actress a lesbian?

xoxoxoBruce;322042 wrote:

:3some: Yo, sloppy seconds here.

Not a bit ... Beestie wasn't going to do anything with her.

No, I meant me, I'm in. I mean I would be in. I mean like to be in. Got a snowball's chance in hell of being in. :o

Jack Nicholson. He's a fantastic actor but....yukkkkkkkkk

Nick Nolte
The Donald
Marilyn Manson
Snoop Dog (and all his ilk)
Jimmy Falon

Radar;321910 wrote:

I'm assuming this is a celebrity who others like but I don't thread...

You assume correctly.

BTW, I wouldn't fuck Paris Hilton with Undertoad's dick with Lumberjim pushing....

You couldn't fuck Paris Hilton with my dick, because in the presence of Paris Hilton my dick would experience shrinkage. For its own self-protection if nothing else.

Crimson Ghost;323050 wrote:

You assume correctly.

BTW, I wouldn't fuck Paris Hilton with Undertoad's dick with Lumberjim pushing....

dude. keep me out of your 4some fantasies. bleh

Crimson Ghost;323050 wrote:

You assume correctly.

BTW, I wouldn't fuck Paris Hilton with Undertoad's dick with Lumberjim pushing....

Good, than we won't have to go through the formality of mentioning Estelle Harris, Edie McClurg, Bea Arthur, Abe Vigoda, Ernest Borgnine, etc....

lumberjim;323125 wrote:

dude. keep me out of your 4some fantasies. bleh

Well at least he wasn't using your dick . . . .

yeah...but ...still.

Aww, c'mon....

You know you like it. :D

Me, I'm just imagining Crimson directing the entire dance with a bullhorn and a conductors' baton... :lol:

Eric von Stroheim, eat your heart out.

Definitely would not do:
Adam Sandler
Patrick Dempsey
Ringo Starr
John Goodman
:doit:

Brad Pitt
Johnny Depp
Anyone starring in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, with the possible exception of Viggo Mortensen
All members of Kiss, including that Fox guy
Denis Leary (not that I don't find him attractive, but I think that our joint level of acerbic wit, if expressed in the same space, would set the atmosphere on fire)
I'm kind of on the fence about George Clooney, leaning heavily towards no.

Crimson Ghost;324084 wrote:

Eric von Stroheim, eat your heart out.

"Mr. DeMille -- I'm ready for my... oh god."

no go for:

MJ
BIG from sex and the city
daniel johns from silverchair
david bowie
paul mccartney
boy george