Best Headlines in Major News Media
Who the hell names a snack 'pirates booty' anyway.
As for fruity booty....nevermind.
There was a story about this snack on our NBC affiliate about 3 weeks ago.
But the funniest part was when John Bolaris, the weathercaster, commented, "I like the booty." I nearly fell out of my chair.
Seems as though she should have sued for the price of the snack or maybe she should snack on things like...I don't know....maybe....vegetables....or fruit?
I wonder how much she weighs, that would be good information to have in the story. Might make people much less sympathetic to her "plight". I will grant that the company that produces this "confection" should have appropriately labeled the packaging, but how much did she consume that it caused her: "weight gain ... mental anguish, outrage and indignation." to the tune of $50 million dollars?
This woman is messed up. Drink some SlimFast and get some exercise if your concerned with your weight.
Originally posted by Nic Name
Activist gets chair at Ryerson
That's funny as hell Nic!
It's hardly Major, and it barely qualifies as News Media, but the Hickory Daily Record, published in my home town of Hickory, NC, once ran the headline "Shriners Help Burn Victims". I wish I had saved it!!!
Several years ago I read that the Philadelphia Daily News had sworn off tacky headlines. Not so.. soon after, there was a tragic incident where four people at a local hospital died due to incorrect dosages in their intravenous drug bags. The Daily News chose to run this story with the headline "IV Dead".
I like
"Man hit by freight train dies"
:) Not as funny... but kinda from the "Well, duh" department. :)
We have this shitty local newspaper called The Tribune. It's the kinda paper an intelligent person can't stand to read (or so I'm told) for more than about 30 seconds because there are so many errors in punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. They're the kind of fuckers that run a story about a local youth soccer team with a headline like "Area youths get a Kick out of Soccer."
So anyhoo, they had this article a couple years ago about some students at a local vocational school who were taking carpentry. As a class project, they were working with a construction company on building a new house. Well, the house burned down during the semester. And this story's headline in the Tribune was... "Class Dismissed".
New bugs swarm Windows
follows the recent headline "Microsoft's Gopher hole deepens" noted above by Tobiasly.
A sub-heading in today's Philadelphia Inquirer: Cost of caring for the obese is heavy
From this week's Philadelphia Weekly, regarding the PLCB: We're Screwed
(Story will be posted in another thread)
Originally posted by Nic Name
[b]Manufacturing woes, loss of prozac patent depress Lilly earnings [/B]
It's been done:
"Pharmaceutical company says its new antidepressant is 'worthless and dumb'-- 'And so's our whole company' says CEO"
http://www.theonion.com/onion3113/antidepress.htmlYea, I know we all saw it on Fark yesterday, but I still couldn't pass it up -- <a href="http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/020716/dctu011_1.html">NAMI Condemns Trenton Newspaper for 'Roasted Nuts' Headline About Fire at Psychiatric Hospital</a>.
That was in The Trentonian...I'm not surprised. That paper screams "sensationalism." But, when your city is the bitch of NYC and Philadelphia, you gotta be creative I guess. :D
Originally posted by sycamore
But, when your city is the bitch of NYC and Philadelphia, you gotta be creative I guess. :D
Trenton would need to get much more attention from NYC and Philly before it could rise to the level of "bitch".
From today's St. Louis Post-Dispatch:
Radioactive site is opened to tourists<b><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/10/crue.reut/index.html">Warrant issued for Motley Crue singer</a></b>
If you don't get it, remember the 80s.
Hooters in the air?
Apparently, the Chairman of Hooters is eyeing Vanguard Airlines, which recently went tits up.
It's not as much the headline as it is the story:
Snoop Dogg Says He is Giving Up Weed and AlcoholStill clinging to misogyny or not?
Air Canada sued for $5 million over lost cat
A couple who allege Air Canada lost their little tabby cat
Fu are seeking $5 million (U.S.) in compensation.
Baseball players queer tax pitch
In a last ditch attempt to avoid a luxury tax, the players are pitching a queer tax ... or so it appeared from this headline. ;)
'Good to the last dropping:' cat poop coffee
Overhead in an Edmonton coffee shop: "This coffee tastes like shit."
Originally posted by Nic Name
Baseball players queer tax pitch
"You throw like a girl!"
Study says use of Ecstasy party drug may harm brain
Sounds like something Homer Simpson would say, or else the reporter has been to too many raves himself :rolleyes:
MMMM.. brain harm... Extended Warranty! How can I lose!?
NBN, you clearly don't know much about e.
Just to quote your article
In effect, they said, Ricaurte's experiment was the equivalent of giving a 150-pound person 800 milligrams of Ecstasy in six hours, or 10 tablets containing 80 milligrams, far more than the average recreational user takes in one night. That, they said, is likely why it killed one in five monkeys that received the shots.
I don't know anyone that takes more than one tab at a go, his 'research' is utterly farcical. Its like injecting 3 bottles of vodka into a monkey in 10 minutes and then using its death as proof that a glass of scotch will kill you.
"No researcher has ever shown any dopamine damage in chronic users," said Julie Holland, a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine and author of Ecstasy: The Complete Guide -- A Comprehensive Look at the Risks and Benefits. "And no studies with animals have shown Ecstasy causes dopamine damage. But he's found a way where no one else could."
Oh! I missed this little gem down the bottom:
The NIDA funded the study. Leshner is now chief executive of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, the organization that publishes Science.
Man its worse than i thought, its not even vaguely independant, its utter FUD.
Jag,
You may have missed the point of this thread.
I don't think NBN is arguing the point of the article or supporting the study. Certainly he didn't write it, so it's unfair to describe it as "your article" and infer that NBN clearly doesn't know much about e.
Some threads are not intended to be polemic debates.
Some are just supposed to be fun.
It would be more fun if you could play along here. The humor is found in the HEADLINE. ;)
Sounds like something Homer Simpson would say, or else the reporter has been to too many raves himself
MMMM.. brain harm... Extended Warranty! How can I lose!?
I think that counts as support. I get sick of people utterly misunderstanding ecstasy, particulary when the currant regime in the US is killing people with its hardline draconian stance on the stuff.
Same silly propaganda^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h 'study' , with more FUD, your point?
and nik, the 'entertainment' in NBN's headline is that its 'obvious', my point is that its stupid and incorrect, not obvious.
Thats it, when my squirell monkey gets up this afternoon, we're gonna have a sit-down about his party habits. His spelling is already deteriorating.
Hey Jag,
My point is a little humour. I'm not arguing a point.
The link is to the article in The Straits Times. Ha Ha. Sorry you missed the humour of two posts in a row in this thread.
if anything i'm dissapointed in The Straits Times
Isn't it funny how the news shows always show the exact same shot of Saddam firing his shotgun from a balcony?
Am I to draw the conclusion that the man walks around with a shotgun 24/7? Is this some sort of nightly ritual? "Hey, it's 10 o'clock. Time to fire off a shell from the balcony."
How about more clips of him kicking back, smoking a cig, and drinking scotch?
From the Houston Chronicle:
Spacewalkers overcome glitch by using hands
Glitch?It says something about our society when a headline on cnn.com -- C-N-f'n-N -- reads:
<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/11/22/offbeat.laptop.burn.reut/index.html">Scientist burns penis with hot laptop</a>
The headline is more amusing than the article, but:
<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/Midwest/12/03/raccoon.head.ap/index.html">Band director accused of mailing raccoon head</a>
Death row inmate found dead
I like the fact that they gave him CPR. Good one.
Originally posted by juju
Isn't it funny how the news shows always show the exact same shot of Saddam firing his shotgun from a balcony?
No mystery there...if he shows up in the balcony more than once a sniper will take him out. He even rotates where he sleeps at random every night.
From way back in the early '80's: Protestors would stand in front of the "White Trains" that were supected of moving nuclear weapons. One of the protestors was determined to be a martyr to the cause, and the headline the next day was,
"Protestor Who Lost Legs Vows to Continue Arms Fight"
True.
I have a friend who collects such humorous headlines. My favoriite in recent memory was a story about a person who was killed when a tree fell on him. The expert interviewed about it was a local forest ranger named....wait for it...
Tim Burr.
Brit tabloid The Sun has had a few good ones over the years, my favourite two would be:
"Up Yours Delors"
(Above an article to do with the paper's anti EU stance: refers to the then head of the European Commission Jacques Delors)
and
"Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious"
(After minor Scottish football (o.k, soccer :) ) team Inverness Caledonian beat the (relatively) famous Glasgow Celtic in a cup match.
Rape Nuts
Yup, that's actually the title of the article (via Fark via Slate)
Canada’s Chretien might light up joint (The story is actually better than the headline)
The story is funnier than the title:
Hackers heckle drive-in dinersOriginally posted by Elspode
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=353&e=1&u=/ibsys/20040506/lo_kmbc/2193475
[COLOR=indigo]When you link it, pleeeeease quote the headline, so we don't have to click on ones that have been moved and miss out.
*muah* Thanks! [/COLOR]
Hmmm...well, that one was still there when I clicked on it, but the headline was :"Body Found at Body Shop".
[COLOR=indigo]Yes Dear Heart, but the others aren't, and I'm just looking ahead. ;)
Didn't mean to confuse you![/COLOR]
"Van Helsing" Slays Olsen Twins
Poor girls. I wonder when the funeral is? :angel:
(Anybody who wants to complain that E! Online doesn't represent "major news media," go right ahead!!
Can't link it so here it is.:rolleyes:
Wow. This is a first. The Net Nanny wouldn't let me view the TV station page with the half a brain article. It said it exceeded the number of offensive or questionable words.
That is about the bizarrest netnanny false positive I've ever heard of.
Must have been the use of "Rasmussen's encephalitis" and "pulsations" in close proximity.
Either that or multiple ads and story links for a breast cancer walk.
Thanks to Glatt for re vitalising this thread - nice little home for the odd bits in the Sunday Times each week - such as:
Irony of the week:
-------
A Wendy's burger bar assistant has been accused of taking money from the restaurant in Manchester, New Hampshire. His name: Ronald MacDonald.
and
Not-so-cunning disguise of the week:
----
A robber trying to hide his features wrapped himself up so tightly that he couldn't speak properly. The attacker walked into a newspaper's shop in Cologne Germany and mumbled that he wanted cash. The assistant, Michaela Sobor, coudn't make out what he was saying and asked him to repeat it more clearly. Frustrated, the robber went behind the counter and seized £1,000. 'I didn't realise it was a robbery,' said Michaela, 'I thought he had wrapped himself up warm because of the cold weather'.
and lastly:
Overtime of the week:
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Calls to photocopier engineers rise by around 25% during the Christmas season, according to a survey by Canon. The extra work is the result of peoplw copying their bottoms - or worse - at the office party, orr standing on the glass to hang decorations. (BTW, they didn't say what sort of decorations were being hung...)
