Can this be real?

I got this email, can't find it on snopes or Google.

Bring on the Golden Parachute

Home Depot pays an incompetent sales clerk millions to go away.

Jan. 9, 2007 - One week after paying its former CEO, Bob Nardelli, a severance package worth $210 million, Home Depot raised eyebrows in the business community again today by paying an incompetent sales clerk $12 million "to go away forever."

In an official statement released to Wall Street analysts this morning, Home Depot said that it was paying the former salesclerk, Lucas Rekson, 24, the unprecedented sum on the condition that "he never shows up to work again."

The $12 million severance package for Rekson of the company's Torrance, Calif., store is believed to be the largest of its kind ever for a low-level, incompetent employee, industry experts said.

During his two-month tenure as a salesclerk at Home Depot, Rekson made his mark by repeatedly spilling boxes of nails on the floor and accidentally banging into customers with large pieces of lumber.

In defense of Rekson's gargantuan severance package, company spokesman Carol Foyler offered this rationale: "If it means that Lucas will never work for Home Depot again, then $12 million is a bargain."

Reached at his home, Rekson was taking his place in business history in stride, telling reporters that after a brief vacation in Aruba he would start looking for work again.

"I'd like to get a job at Office Max," he said. "After a couple of months working there, I wonder how much they'd pay me to go away?"

Now I can see this guys behavior could be a huge liability, especially whacking customers in the head with a board.

But, that said, fire him. Duh.
Home Depot Employees Handbook;

"As an associate of Home Depot, your employment is guaranteed for no set definite term, and you have the right to terminate your employment at any time, at your convenience, with or without cause or reason. Understand that Home Depot also has this right."

Seems pretty clear their's no reason to pay this guy $12 million. Was this pulled from a parody piece? Is there something I'm missing?

Besides an easy $12 million.:confused:

Sounds total urban legend. For way less than $12 million the Home Despot could have an "accident" that eliminates any employee they don't like.

Not For Real

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16543735/site/newsweek/

Yeah or pay him his regular pay to sit in a room, better yet, stay home. :confused:

(googled)

good point Jeb - I'd have done it for far less myself.

Thanks Monster, I couldn't find that damn thing for love nor money. :thumb2:

monster;306246 wrote:

(googled)

Do you remember what you gave Google to work with? :confused:

rekson home depot

googling is my specialty ;) :eek:

Damn...I'd tried Rekson alone and a myriad of home depot combos. Just not the right one. :D

rekson = wreck-son
Foyler = foiler
Maybe I'm reading too much into it...

And WTF is with the last line of the report?
"I'd like to get a job at Office Max," he said. "After a couple of months working there, I wonder how much they'd pay me to go away?"

Yeah, there's a good idea.
Publicly state your intent to extort money.
Not even Ol' Butterface herself, Paris Hilton, is that stupid.
Wait, belay that...

It is a nice piece of parody.

Ah ha, the source. http://www.borowitzreport.com/ :D