Organ recital

I was contacted last week regarding an ad I had posted on MatchingDonors.com. It is a web site for people willing to donate a kidney or other spare parts and for people who need those things to find a possible donor.
Anyway, a lady contacted me because I might be a match and she needs a kidney. She has to go through dialysis 3x per week. She and her husband retired a few years ago but shortly after, her husband died of cancer. She has a daughter and told me she just wants to live to see her grandchildren someday. She is 64 years old.

I have already sent in my med. records and the lady' doctors says I look like a good candidate. Once they have all of my info and it looks good, they will fly me out to CA for final tests. Once everything looks good, they will fly me back to CA for the operation. MatchingDonors.com and her insurance will pay for everything.

My bf HATES the idea of me doing this but has finally decided if it's something that I want to do then it's ok. My sister, a nurse, thinks it's stupid for me to do it.

Any feedback guys and gals? Anyone know anybody who has done this?

Any info would be good.

PS - The first person who makes the obvious "Steel Magnolia" references will get bitch-slapped for Christmas!!!

She will probably end up in an old folks home and see her grandchildren once a year or less.

Wow. You are ballsy. I respect that, but it also kind of freaks me out a little.

A really tough call... you should at least go and meet her. maybe ask the daughter if she is really planning to have kids or just blowing smoke up granny's skirt.

I'm sorry, I know some people, especially women (stereotype, yeah, but in my experience one with a basis in fact) get irrational on the subject of grandchildren. But that's just completely irrelevant.

You need to decide if this is something you want to do for this woman--considering your own health and the medical risks to you, as well as the medical condition & prospects of the donor, the likelihood of her finding another donor, and any other medical, spiritual, and ethical issues that are important to you.

Maybe the answer is yes. Maybe it's no. I couldn't make that judgement for you even if I had more information than you've posted. But this has to be between you and her. Whether she has children, or grandchildren, or ever will, or whether her daughter gets nailed by a bus crossing the street later this afternoon, is, to me, a completely irrelevant consideration.

SteveDallas wrote:

I'm sorry, I know some people, especially women (stereotype, yeah, but in my experience one with a basis in fact) get irrational on the subject of grandchildren. But that's just completely irrelevant.

You need to decide if this is something you want to do for this woman--considering your own health and the medical risks to you, as well as the medical condition & prospects of the donor, the likelihood of her finding another donor, and any other medical, spiritual, and ethical issues that are important to you.

Maybe the answer is yes. Maybe it's no. I couldn't make that judgement for you even if I had more information than you've posted. But this has to be between you and her. Whether she has children, or grandchildren, or ever will, or whether her daughter gets nailed by a bus crossing the street later this afternoon, is, to me, a completely irrelevant consideration.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Her chances of finding another donor are small because of her age. I guess the fact that she says she wants to see her grandchildren is irrelevant to me as well. The bottom line is she wants to live a longer, healthier life. And if I can help make that happen, I'm fine with that.

I will be meeting her and her daughter if/when I go for the exam prior to the actual surgery.

And seeing as how I don't want to have children of my own, I guess this is my way of giving life with out the messy birthing process. :)

Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
:confused:

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
Damn......You're nuts.
Damn...... you're an angel.
:confused:

Less filling; tastes great. :D

My cousin was an organ donor. Her organs weren't harvested till after she died, but she was only 21 when she passed.

She lives still through the life she gave to someone else. She sees the world still. Her liver cleans someones blood. Her kidneys clean someones pee (a little less romantic I know, but still necessary).

However you choose to do it, I think donating organs is a good thing.

I wish you well no matter what way you go in the end.

Aliantha wrote:

My cousin was an organ donor. Her organs weren't harvested till after she died, but she was only 21 when she passed.

She lives still through the life she gave to someone else. She sees the world still. Her liver cleans someones blood. Her kidneys clean someones pee (a little less romantic I know, but still necessary).

However you choose to do it, I think donating organs is a good thing.

I wish you well no matter what way you go in the end.

Thank you Aliantha.

I am at a loss for what to say. I don't think I could do something like that myself... but I respect you for your decision. I would be worried that someone in my family would need my kidney, or that I would need it later on in life, or that the woman would die soon anyway. It is a tough decision, that's for sure. Good luck!

Man, this is rattling around in my little pea brain looking for a spot to stick. It just doesn't seem to fit any existing folder.

It's an incredibly generous and noble act, especially for a stranger.
It's also a dangerous thing for you to undertake, just because it's major surgery, without the other factors. I'm guessing you've investigated the pros and cons. Probably your friends have chewed your ear off, with reasons you should or shouldn't do it.

All I can say is good luck, I hope everyone lives happily ever after. :2cents:

Iggy wrote:

I am at a loss for what to say. I don't think I could do something like that myself... but I respect you for your decision. I would be worried that someone in my family would need my kidney, or that I would need it later on in life, or that the woman would die soon anyway. It is a tough decision, that's for sure. Good luck!

I thought about all of that. My blood type is B- and the rest of my family is B+ so I would not be able to donate one to them.
And in my family, nobody has lived past the age of 62. All have had cancer so the odds of me making it longer than that and needing a kidney are slim.
Thanks for the good wishes. :-)

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Man, this is rattling around in my little pea brain looking for a spot to stick. It just doesn't seem to fit any existing folder.

It's an incredibly generous and noble act, especially for a stranger.
It's also a dangerous thing for you to undertake, just because it's major surgery, without the other factors. I'm guessing you've investigated the pros and cons. Probably your friends have chewed your ear off, with reasons you should or shouldn't do it.

All I can say is good luck, I hope everyone lives happily ever after. :2cents:

Oh yeah, my family and my bf have called me more names in the last few days than lll my time in school! lol!

Thanks.

I think you need carefully to examine (and perhaps have already) questions like:
Why do you want to do this?
What prompted you to put your details out there and make this open offer in the first place? Is it just because

Sheldonrs wrote:

...seeing as how I don't want to have children of my own, I guess this is my way of giving life with out the messy birthing process. :)

?
Is that enough of a reason for you to potentially sacrifice your life for a stranger's? Nature gave us two smaller kidneys rather than one big one (and duplicates of some other organs) to provide a back up of essential services if one failed.
Did you pick your use title of "Hand of kindness extender"? Is this your identity?
How much do you care about your family - I don't mean about their reaction about whether you should do this or not, but about them - how they love you and could be hurt by what you plan to do?
You don't have to go into any of this publicly - but you should be sure you have looked thoroughly at these questions.

What made you post on that website in the first-place?

And if those reasons still hold, why are you now having doubts?

Sheldonrs wrote:

PS - The first person who makes the obvious "Steel Magnolia" references will get bitch-slapped for Christmas!!!

Actually I heard something else .. I think it was Simpsons .. something like "wow, you've given up a large part of your life so someone else can live slightly longer." I trust you've talked with your doctor to ensure you personally won't have complications later in life.

But that's not what worries me. This is:

Sheldonrs wrote:

Anyway, a lady contacted me because I might be a match and she needs a kidney. She has to go through dialysis 3x per week. She and her husband retired a few years ago but shortly after, her husband died of cancer. She has a daughter and told me she just wants to live to see her grandchildren someday. She is 64 years old.

What properly balanced person can face a person in need, and say no, you must die? What organization would allow patients to contact donors, knowing full well the donors can't say "no"? This whole thing sounds very shady.

So are you agreeing because you want to help this person, or because you're unable to say "no"?

Sorry, but I think it it's a ridiculous thing to do. You're endangering your own life in more ways than one in an attempt to allow an old lady to get a little older and have a a little longer to dream about seeing the grandchildren that do not yet exist?

Why? If you want to give the gift of life, donate blood and bone marrow -replenishable things you can donate more than once and can save babies at the very start of their journey through life.

But there's no fame and very little thanks going that route. And very little sacrifice.

If this woman cannot get a kidney from a brain-dead donor, that's probably because there are many people out there with a more desperate need than her. She just has the money to pay for it. It seems a little odd to me that there is a directory of potential live donors which patients themselves access directly, rather than the doctors. Why would this be, do you think? Is it ethical/wise for donors are recipients to know one another?

I wouldn't touch this with a 10-foot bargepole. But then I'm not allowed to donate anything anyway because apparently us Brits all have mad cow disease, so I perhaps have more room to feel confident that not doing this is morally acceptable because it's a decision I will never have to make.

Sorry if I sound brutal/cold, but these are angles I really feel you should examine before making a decision.

Good luck.

limey wrote:

How much do you care about your family - I don't mean about their reaction about whether you should do this or not, but about them - how they love you and could be hurt by what you plan to do?

Hmmm, good point.

How do you think they'll feel/react, if doing this puts them in the position of having to care for you in the future? I told you so? Fuck off? How could you do this to me(us)? :question:

JayMcGee wrote:

What made you post on that website in the first-place?

And if those reasons still hold, why are you now having doubts?

I posted on the site about 5 years ago just because it seemed like the right thing to do. My family never took living or dying very seriously so the chance of it happening doesn't really bother me. That's not depression or suicidal talk, just never been frightened of it.

Bitman wrote:

What properly balanced person can face a person in need, and say no, you must die? What organization would allow patients to contact donors, knowing full well the donors can't say "no"? This whole thing sounds very shady.

So are you agreeing because you want to help this person, or because you're unable to say "no"?

The patient contacted me via e-mail. I had the option of just ignoring it or replying. Plus, I would not have posted there if I was not willing to do it.

And while it's true I have a hard time saying no, that's usually regarding an entirely different question and organ. :D

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Hmmm, good point.

How do you think they'll feel/react, if doing this puts them in the position of having to care for you in the future? I told you so? Fuck off? How could you do this to me(us)? :question:

To me it's no different than a fireman, policeman or armed services member doing what they do because it is the right thing for them to do.

limey wrote:

I think you need carefully to examine (and perhaps have already) questions like:
Why do you want to do this?
What prompted you to put your details out there and make this open offer in the first place? Is it just because
?
Is that enough of a reason for you to potentially sacrifice your life for a stranger's? Nature gave us two smaller kidneys rather than one big one (and duplicates of some other organs) to provide a back up of essential services if one failed.
Did you pick your use title of "Hand of kindness extender"? Is this your identity?
How much do you care about your family - I don't mean about their reaction about whether you should do this or not, but about them - how they love you and could be hurt by what you plan to do?
You don't have to go into any of this publicly - but you should be sure you have looked thoroughly at these questions.

I love my family and my bf very much but this is something that I want to do.
I would never try to stop them from doing something risky if it was something they wanted to do. I would give them my opinion from my perspective if they asked for it but I would not tell them they should, could or shouldn't do it.