Try Not To Get Sick During What is Effectively a Holiday Weekend

My mom's in the hospital and as a consequence I'm not getting the usual amount of opportunities to get online as usual.

She's doing okay at this point, but still not out of the woods. She has a massive abdominal infection, and they're still trying to figure out the origin. There is a possibility that she will need surgery, but that's a bridge we'll cross when we come to it.

From time of arrival at ER to time of admission ... NINE hours. They had her in X-Ray and then CT Scan fairly quickly (X-Ray within a half hour or so, then two hours after that into the CT, but that was based on the amount of time that the contrast material had to be in her system).

Admittedly my hospital doesn't have to do as much stuff as a medical hospital, but come on ... nine hours?? We typically take two to three hours from front door to inpatient unit.

The one upside to the hospital we went to is that the other, bigger, shinier (better, IMHO) hospital I would have preferred to take her to receveived the victims from a head-on collission between two SEPTA trains. We were sitting in triage when my pager started going off over and over and over ... All my mom's specialists have privileges at the hospital she prefers to go to, so she may have better coordination of services.

I'm holding up, she's well enough to be cranky, although yesterday when she was convinced she was going to die I was getting all kinds of instructions ... location of the cemetary deed, and instructions to give her the cheapest send off possible, and NOT to put her in the family plot that she gave me the location of the deed for. She fights with her family enough currently, she doesn't want to hang with them in the afterlife, either. I was told where the deed was just so I could give it to her brother.

Good luck & fingers crossed for your Mom - I hope they find the cause soon. It does sound like she's in a good place to be, once you get over the first hurdle.

In London I had 9 and 7.5 hour waits in A&E (ER) which I simply didn't understand. I was walking wounded so the waiting affected my mood more than my health, but I still considered it excessive.

Luckily waiting times in A&E have been targeted and the last time I went (in Leicester) I was seen within 30 minutes.

Any parent well enough to be morbid sounds like a parent on the mend :)

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom's troubles. 9 hours seems more than a little excessive. good luck G

my best wishes to you and your mom, wolf. I've always wondered about the brutally long waits in the ED's. I think half the time they're hoping people will get fed up and just leave; you know, the old, "Oh, I'm not that sick!" routine.

An abdominal infection is nothing to sneeze at. I hope she's on the mend.

Tell your mom that we're pulling for her recovery, Wolf.

Bummer, Wolf.
Hang in there. :(

aww, best wishes for the best outcome wolf

I was all prepared to craft this wonderfully witty (in my head anyway) message that may not be fully appreciated but have decided not to post it and instead write this post to create the illusion that I'm in process of developing tact.

Besides, you might still have my GPS coords.

Hope your mother recovers fully despite this initial delay. Make sure you give her a big hug for me. :)

*Sending loving and healing energy to your mom, you and your family*

I hope your mom has improved since you posted, wolf...and that you've had a chance to get some rest, too.

Rest? What the Hell is that?? I'm not entirely sure what things like "regular nutritious meals" are either.

The quality in the hospital cafeteria has gone down significantly since the last time my mom was hospitalized. I can't stand soggy croutons in a salad, and dammit, if you are going to serve Chicken Cesar Salad you should have some damn Cesar Dressing for it!!

The surgeon told my mother today that it was unlikely that she would leave the hospital without surgery, and also let her know that she is a high risk patient. We still do not know exactly what the surgery would entail.

The radiologist placed a drain to get the infected matter out of her abdomen, this apparently happened late this afternoon after I had visited with her.

My mom is scared, but in fairly good spirits, and seems to have a good team of people looking out for her welfare. She has even come to accept her surgeon, whom she had seen before and had some problems with. The Hospitalist (an internal medicine physician whose practice is covering the hospital, rather than having an outpatient practice) came to see her while I was there. He had just the right combination of goofy humor and good medical skills, and said that members of his own family have been treated by this particular surgeon, and he wouldn't want anyone else.

I thank everyone for their prayers and energy, they are helping a great deal.

Oh my gosh Wolf - I just saw this post! I am really hoping that things have improved for your Mom..... that's some scary stuff. How are you holding up?

wolf, just saw the post as well. I send the best towards a speedy recovery for your mother!

Keeping Mom in a good, positive humor and her spirits up are the first steps to ensuring her successful treatment and recovery. I can't imagine anyone doing a better job of that than you, Wolf.

wolf, I pray for healing for your mother, wisdom for her doctors and peace for you. Feel free to share amongst yourselves. I'll be rooting for you.

Wolf - just now saw this thread.

Your Mom is in good hands so don't forget to take care of yourself while you lend her your strength and support.

Your Mom sounds like my Mom. Whenever my Mom starts giving me instructions and locations of stuff - I just tell her that we (her kids) are far from through making her life miserable so she'll have to stick around for a lot longer.

Prayers and positive thoughts are on the way. Keep us posted.

So what's the latest? Have they decided to do the surgery?

Hope you and she are both feeling better...

I also just saw this thread....

I will be sending you warm thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery for your mom. It looks like you are doing everything you can for the time being. Good luck.

Surgery is scheduled for Monday, 7/10/2006 if things proceed as they have been. They installed a PICC line today (a kind of fancy IV, that will make it easier for them to give meds that might irritate a regular IV.)

Her room got moved today, too. The downside is that she will have to break in a whole new team of nurses. The upside is that she is now on the med-surg floor rather than the cardiac telemetry floor, because she doesn't need the heart monitor any longer.

PICC lines are *so* much better than being stabbed all over, over and over again. Once they're in, hospital life becomes much easier.

My mother is definitely scheduled for surgery on Monday, supposed to start between 1100-1200 EDT.

~~~~~~~~~~

I went to Build-A-Bear for the first time yesterday.

I had been meaning to go, because they had a limited edition Build-A-Hello Kitty.

I'm nuts for Hello Kitty.

Not bad nuts, but I guess I should say I'm entertained by all things Hello Kitty. I don't have 1001 doodads ... just a couple of watches, a cellphone charm, a wallet, the occasional online avatar ...



So, anyway.

I was going to go to Build-A-Bear last weekend because a coworker told me about the limited time Hello Kitty. She was only supposed to be available through July 5th.

With all the chaos involving my mother, I didn't make it.

I figured that eventually I would get there.

Yesterday was the first time that I was able to get to the Stupidly Big Mall™. I decided not to go to a party after visiting with my mom, just so I could have some time to myself.

And what a time I had.

I quickly noticed that I was the only person over 40 there without children in tow. I'm used to this. A cheery Bear Adoption Consultant (or however they refer to themselves) greeted me at the entrance to the store. She helped me through the early stages of the Build-A-Bear process. Selecting my new friend's "skin" was easy. I was guided through the stuffing preliminaries by another cheerful young lady, who managed to get me to behave in an assortment of goofy ways as I warmed my new friend's gingham check heart between my hands, jumped up and down and wiggled to add joy and smiles, and placing in love and good wishes.

A hug check to make sure she was stuffed properly, and she was sewn up, and escorted to the bath for a final plush brushing.

Dressing her was actually more of a challenge that I thought. I almost immediately found the cutest of tee shirts, but had to shop about a bit for the white demin skirt with eyelet lace hem and Sketchers Sneakers. I passed on the Hello Kitty purse, but did get the underwear. You can't go without underwear, after all! I got some extra bows, and a set of very cute jammies for bedtime.

Fill out her birth certificate, and it's time to go home.

I also got her a little friend (a mini-bear dressed like a witch) to hang out with while I am at work.

You can't feel bad after that. It's just not possible.

Awwwwwwwwwwww! So cute!

I need a picture of the mini witch-bear, please.

I'll take a couple with my digital camera instead of the cellphone.

First, a better shot of Hello Kitty relaxing on the sofa.



Hello Kitty likes to spend time with her friend.





Detail of the eyelet lace on her skirt, and her Sketchers.



I see London, I see France, I see Hello Kitty's Underpants.


I just thought that it was overly cute that there is a cutout on her clothing for her tail.


Hello Kitty's Jammies and her very own special slippers.

Gosh Wolf, those pictures are a little risqué.
Maybe a nsfw tag is appropriate.
At least a tcfw (too cute for words) tag. :lol:

I, myself, am almost overwhelmed by the cuteness.

I love the little witch-bear!

Amazing! You sure know how to have a good time, Wolf!

Wolf, I gotta say that this is the cutest thing that I've ever been aware of you doing. Go you!

I have my moments. Sometimes, like this, they take me unawares.

I think that, if one is to be taken by a Hello Kitty moment, unawares is probably easiest on the constitution.

Hey - I want one of those!! I want one with purple clothes though.

Wolf - I'm crossing my fingers for a great outcome for your Mom's procedure tomorrow (If it's still on), and I am sending both of you good vibes like you wouldn't believe!!
I will be thinking of you!!

Good luck to Mom. My prayers are with you today.

How're things looking Wolf?

How are things going?

So far so good ... if "so good" means that momWolf still hasn't had surgery. She's not cardiac stable yet. When I showed up to visit today she had three additional IV pumps (for a total of five), and has bags hung for hydration, nutrition, two different antibiotics, heparin, and nitroglycerin, not to mention shots as needed for pain, short-acting insulin, and a couple of oral meds for good measure.

She might actually be doing better than I at this point. Her blood pressure is lower and she's sleeping better.

We still don't have a date for surgery, but the nice Surgical resident in today seemed quite encouraged over the softness and lack of tenderness in her abdomen. Mom has been having some episodes of angina at night, but I can't get anyone to tell me if there are any EKG changes.

Thanks to everyone for the prayers. I had a devout friend tell me today that since God is all knowing and exists outside of time, He'll make sure that the prayers are applied at the proper moment.

seakdivers wrote:

Hey - I want one of those!! I want one with purple clothes though.

You should be able to hook up on plenty of purple, although the proprietary Hello Kitty stuff tends to be pinker than pink. If they had matched better, I would have gotten a pair of camo shorts to go with the pink Hello Kitty Sparkle Shirt.

wolf wrote:

Thanks to everyone for the prayers. I had a devout friend tell me today that since God is all knowing and exists outside of time, He'll make sure that the prayers are applied at the proper moment.

fargon could probably testify to this. :) I am encouraged by your good news. I'm keeping the faith, so to speak, for all of you.

Surgery is now scheduled for Friday, 7/14/06.

wolf wrote:

Hello Kitty likes to spend time with her friend.

Is that Muffy Vanderbear?

No, it is not. That would have been too much proprietary cuteness for one day.

But I do know who Muffy Vanderbear is, as a friend's child insisted on having one, and much of her wardrobe.

The little witch bear was sold in the Build-A-Bear store. They also had assorted naked small bears, cats, a bear dressed up for the RenFaire (the tag actually said Prince Charming), and a husky.

Just when I think I know what's going on ... they change the game plan.

My mother is not having her surgery tomorrow. Rather she will be transported to another hospital for angioplasty to try to stabilize her cardiac status, and then back to where she's been to have the abdominal surgery. Eventually.

I know this must be really really frustrating, but hang in there. Your mom is a lucky woman to have such great support. Good luck, I hope this all gets worked out soon.

yeah, very frustrating, but she needed the angioplasty anyway and now her heart will be getting some oxygen and other fun things.

Hang in there, wolf.

Times like these always make me feel so helpless. We are pulling for momWolf way down here in Ga.
If I were in your mom's shoes I would be proud to have you standing in my corner, Wolf.

Hang in there and good luck.

Tonight I had to argue with her about going tomorrow. I told her that she had to. I hope that she listens to me.

She does not like riding in the back of an ambulance, she also becomes (what I think is) overly embarrassed about ... umm ... incontinence. It has been explained to her numerous times that all the folks involved are medical professionals, and while it is not the most pleasant job in the world, cleaning her up is part of what they do. This is, of course, a stupid reason to decline a necessary medical procedure. I understand that she is scared. But at this point, she should just say so. If I am awake early enough I may call her doctor to see if it would be safe to sedate her for the ride. Not totally out, just enough so she doesn't care.

She's getting morphine every three hours already, so this probably isn't an option.

I hope she does decide to go and that all goes well.

My thoughts are with you

She fought with the staff this morning. She called me right before they were about to take her. She said to me, "you know, they won't do anything if you don't sign, I have them over a barrel."

"No you don't, Mom. You need to go. Sign or I'll come down there and cry until you do."

"They gave me extra morphine. I signed. I'm going."

"That's good."

The transport ambulance crew arrived while I was on the phone saying a last few encouraging things.

I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she did not hold onto the bedrails and shriek.

Well, I guess we know where you got your independance from ;)

And also my avoidance of medical facilities and procedures.

I'm sorry she is having such a hard time with this.
Though, at the same time I understand. Until I got my spinal stimulator implant I had some of the same problems. Incontinence is monumentally humiliating.
The embarrassment is indescribable, especially for someone my age, but it is for anyone. What is worse is how you are dependent on others for everything. It is very hard.

sending some virtual morphine your way, wolf!

Dear wolf,

I have had the same experiences with some of the episodes you describe: incontinence (embarassing but hardly fatal), uncooperativeness with doctors, attempts to retain/assert personal sovereignity by defying doctors, not signing papers, not taking meds, etc. It has been wearying at times, to say the least. I reckon it's fear talking, or ignorance, or passing (perhaps slowly) crankiness.

In our more reasonable interactions, it's clear that I'm working in her best interest. It's clear that she trusts me. It's clear that she's grateful. She knows it and I know it. I hold onto those moments when faced with the shrieking and the flinging of poo. I hope you and she can hold onto your shared moments too, like a beacon of hope and security on the edge of this sea of fear and uncertainty. Courage to both of you.

Luckily my mom is not yet a poo flinger. However, I have plenty of experience with that from work.

wolf wrote:

Luckily my mom is not yet a poo flinger. However, I have plenty of experience with that from work.

I know that, wolf, and I am sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I was speaking metaphorically. "When the craziness happens..." ok, another wrong/weak/poorly chosen phrase. I was just stuck working "bedrails crushed by fear powered grip" into something euphonic. My bad. I intended no disrespect whatsoever to you or your mother. Please accept my apologies.

Your love and concern for your mother is proof of your considerable quality as a person, Wolf. Geriatric relatives require a mustering of resolve and patience that few of us can call up without some serious consideration and force of will.

I hope my own children will attend to my best interests as well and faithfully as you are doing for you mother's benefit now.

The truth is that I keep her in line by reminding her that I know the name and address of every single hell-hole nursing home in the county, and that if she starts giving me too much crap, BAM, she's ringing the call bell for Nurse Ratched before she knows what hit her.

UPDATE: Mom is now at Presby, described as "stable," and raising hell with all the CCU nurses. They have confirmed by labs and EKG that she hasn't had a heart attack. She has not yet had her catheterization, but they are expecting to do it this afternoon.

wolf wrote:

...UPDATE: Mom is now at Presby, ...

Did you know that presby- means "old age"?

I did not know that.

Presby-terians == elders
presby-opia == old sight

Two I am familiar with, the others I'd have to look up.

Presby
Looking for Presby? Find exactly what you want today.
www.eBay.com

I hate those fu*kers. :mad:

I think that if anything went according to plan, I'd worry.

My mother is now safely ensconced in the CCU at Presbyterian, one of the top 100 hospitals in the United States for Interventional Cardiology.

However, because they are the best in the business, they get a lot of the business. They were so busy with emergency Catheterizations, that my mom, since she is stable, got bumped to the bottom of the list. They now think they will be doing her cath on Monday.

Guess I have to tell work that I was wrong, and that I won't be coming in.

Guess I have to tell work that I was wrong, and that I won't be coming in.

Sorry to hear about your mothers Illness ,
Stay strong ,
use your head to make dessions ,
When you have to make hard choices your heart will fuck with your head ( I know you know this ) .
if your work is worth a SHIT they will let you go when you HAVE to GO !!
My boss and a good customer BOTH told me to
" Get the hell out of here and take care of your Mom !!!!
These scales can wait !!!"
Stay strong !!!

I'd offer some helpful advice if I didn't think you weren't already five steps ahead of me in the advice dept so I'll just offer my support and hope that your mother makes a full and successful recovery.

My Mom had a cardiac scare whilst visiting here a few years ago - we had to take her directly to the hospital from the airplane where she stayed until she left. Her EKG looked like OJ Simpson's lie-detector test results. I know how scary that is - to have your mother's mortality on center stage with the finest cardiologists at Fairfax Hospital -not exactly a M*A*S*H unit itself- completely stumped as to the source of the problem.

That was several years ago and she made a complete recovery with the net result that I appreciate even more every day that she is still here. I wish the same outcome for you.

Sending good wishes your way for you and your mum, Wolf.

I managed to survive a trip into the city yesterday to visit. The difference between "city" and "suburban" hospital is eminently clear to me now. The nurse : patient ratio is much smaller, and the staff are very nice, and willing to provide a lot of detail about their expectations for mom's treatment and progress. They even paged the interventional cardiologist for me so I could speak with him. He was no longer in the hospital, but called in and I got to have a long conversation with him on the phone.

They totally rape you on the parking garage however. I was used to $5 for any time over 1 hr ... I paid $15 for about 2.5 hrs. Yikes!!

If I'm figuring out the public transit costs properly (round trip train ride, plus an assortment of subways and busses) I won't actually save much, if anything.

But on public transportation you don't have to steer, leaving a free hand to hold the spare magazine. No not Ladies Home Journal. :lol:

On for tomorrow?

wolf wrote:

I managed to survive a trip into the city yesterday to visit. The difference between "city" and "suburban" hospital is eminently clear to me now. The nurse:patient ratio is much smaller, and the staff are very nice, and willing to provide a lot of detail about their expectations for mom's treatment and progress. They even paged the interventional cardiologist for me so I could speak with him. He was no longer in the hospital, but called in and I got to have a long conversation with him on the phone.

They totally rape you on the parking garage however. I was used to $5 for any time over 1 hr ... I paid $15 for about 2.5 hrs. Yikes!!

If I'm figuring out the public transit costs properly (round trip train ride, plus an assortment of subways and busses) I won't actually save much, if anything.

I'm glad it worked out for you. My dad just moved out of Lankenau into rehab for a week or so. At Lankenau a doctor was talking to him in his room and finishing his examination. My mom and my wife walked into the room. The doctor went into a classic 'talk to the hand' pose and said 'Don't ask any questions.' He finished the examination, ignored my mother, and then left.

My mother may have been a little stunned by this and didn't do anything about it. My wife wanted to rip the guy a new asshole but also restrained herself.

As of today, yes, the cardiac cath with stent placement is to occur tomorrow, probably around 1300-1400 hrs.

A lot has gone on in a couple of days, and I was knocked offline by an 18 hour power failure.

The cardiac cath was done on Monday, but no stent placed (the architecture of the vessel was too tricky to allow that to be done safely). The cardiologist, who had cathed her before, said she was as stable as she was going to get and cleared her for surgery. She was moved back to the original hospital on Tuesday afternoon.

Things moved a little faster after that. We learned yesterday that her surgery was scheduled for today (one small step for momWolf, so to speak) at around noon.

Mom's surgery got moved up by an hour or so today. She called my sister and I at home to get us to the hospital in time to see her beforehand. We had visions of her grabbing onto the bedrails and refusing to be moved until she saw us. The hospital apparently has had experience with this. They just move your whole bed with you!

Everything went well, the surgeon was very encouraged by how she tolerated the surgery. She will be on the ICU for at least the next couple of days.

Good news, Wolf. Mom will be back being feisty before you know it...or are ready for it. :)

Glad to hear everything is going according to plan. Here's wishing your mum a speedy recovery.

Best wishes, WolfMom!

We're still with you, Wolfie.

Elspode wrote:

Good news, Wolf. Mom will be back being feisty before you know it...or are ready for it. :)

Elspode, you must be psychic or something ...

According to the ICU nurse, Mom is officially feisty. Her first official conscious ... or to give her the benefit of the doubt, semi-conscious act was to attempt to extubate herself.

This earned her a set of soft restraints and some extra time is twilight sleepy land.

Hopefully they'll be able to extubate her tomorrow and let her loose.

That's what I did when they brought me up to make sure I hadn't gone brain dead after my bypass surgery. Damn thing is not supposed to be there.

As of about 1800 hrs tonight, momWolf still had not been extubated, however, is now breathing on her own rather than with the assistance of the ventilator. According to the ICU nurse, they'll pull it just as soon as she is sufficiently conscious to maintain her airway. They had discontinued the meds that were keeping her asleep, and she was sleeping naturally.

Progress...good progress. :thumb2:

Hey Wolf,

I'm new to the cellar and don't know a stitch about you , But I couldn't help but be moved by you and your mom's struggles outlined in this thread, so I wanted to let you know you have one more person adding their emotional well wishes and sending spiritual strength your way. Good luck with all !

Many good wishes to you and your mom! I am sure things will work out, but I know you can handle the difficulties in the meantime. :)

When I went to visit this afternoon I was told to hurry right down to the ICU because my mother was waiting for transport to go to another floor. My sister had gone to see her this morning prior to returning to Rhode Island, and did say that several more of the tubes and indwelling monitoring devices had been removed. We hadn't expected her to leave the ICU until sometime tomorrow, so she's doing better than was initially predicted.

The nurse on the cardiac floor was even very excited to see her, and told my mom that she had been checking on her progress following the surgery. Mom liked that. She must be endearing to the hospital staff ... on her return from Presby, the Chestnut Hill nurses, aides, and students were all rushing in and hugging her.

MomWolf is still quite hoarse, but today she is talking and making sense, even if she's sometimes hard to understand. She is having a bit of a hard time grasping the concept that it is now Sunday, but her time sense should come back okay. She was even bitching at me about my shirt being rucked up in the back, which tells me she's really doing much better.

Right on, Momwolf! Now tuck that shirt in and get to bein' snappy, you worrywart of a daughter! :)

Good to hear your mom's out of ICU. Now everyone can gather around at the same time.

Great news, Wolf!

Hi Wolf. Only being an occasional visitor these days I have read right from the start to here, the account of your mum and her recovery for which hoooray! I and my family have recently had a similar tale to tell with my aunt the star, my mum, her sister, died years and years ago.

Just to say I am so pleased for you and her that she is mending nicely and you must be so relieved. Big hugs to you Wolfie, get some treats organised for yourself and take great good care of yourself.

Hooray!

Glad to hear that your mom is doing much better

Some bouquets for the patient and her supportwolf:

Ah, labrat, you're so clever! Supportwolf is indeed what wolfie is! :)

Best to you, wolfmom and wolf. i'm rooting for you.

My grandmother is going through a tough hospital stay right now, and we've all been keeping a very close eye on her. Best wishes to your mom and her health, as well as your well-being, Wolf. You'll all make it through okay.

Today is my mother's 30th day in the hospital.

Saturday morning I received a panicked phone call from my sister, who lives about 5 hours drive away, "You better get to the hospital, there's something wrong with mom. I talked to her on the phone and she's not making any sense at all. She thinks that you're a baby, I'm dead, and she says Dad is in the room there with her."

My father died in 1983.

My sister was right. There was something wrong with mom. Friday night my mother was given some medication to help her calm down or to sleep or something (her nurse isn't sure why, but it may have been that there are two agitated patients near her room who scream all night, and she may have complained about the noise level). Anyway, she reacted poorly to the medication and was kind of bizarre. It worried me and scared my sister quite a bit ... audiovisual hallucinations, delusions, and disorientation are part of a pretty average day for me, but my sister is a financial manager ... even understanding what's going on it's difficult dealing with this in a family member who has never presented symptoms quite like this. Mom was really bad on Saturday, but was much better, but not totally there yet today. The episodes of confusion were fewer, but she's still not doing totally well, and was very irritable, particularly toward me.

The night nurse, Donna, is a great caregiver. She actually talked to me for about 20 minutes on the phone last night explaining a lot of what was going on, and she was equally helpful tonight in person. New labs were drawn and compared to an earlier set, with no changes noted, and a neurology consult was done ... they continue to assume that it was the Ativan my mom was given. Obviously, she will never get Ativan ever again.

The good news related to my mom for today was that she has started eating real food, if you can call hospital fare "real."

I'm allowed to take her special things that she wants to eat. So far she mentioned peanut butter and jelly, but she was still pretty goofy at the time. Once she's oriented a little better I'll start finding out from her what she really wants, but I will take PBJ along with me tomorrow, just in case.

Wow Wolf. That sounds really scary about your mom. I'm not sure what to say, I can only imagine that is must be very upsetting to be unable to communicate with her. I hope the ativan wears off quickly and she regains her wits.

Obviously, she will never get Ativan ever again.

Not in the hospital but in a couple weeks, when she's hale, hearty & home, she may sneak down to the ghetto to score. :D

Won't be long before she's home and back in the groove, because we're all willing it.
Are you going to have to move?

I've had three different relatives that have had a lengthy stay in the hospital (each over at least two weeks). Each one of them experienced dementia to some extent, one that seemed almost identical to MomWolf's experience. The severity of the dementia would rise and fall during their stay in the hospital and continued for about two weeks after going home. I'm happy to say that it subsided and then disappeared in each one of them. I hope you find as I did that it is a temporary condition and all will be well soon.

Today is my mother's 33rd day in the hospital.

(Incidentally, she returned from her little psychotic vacation yesterday. When I went to visit she was happy and chipper, eating lunch, and wondering what all the fuss was about. She has only very vague memories of what has been going on over the last four days)

Her surgeon came to her this morning, and told her that they had done as much for there as they could, and that she would be discharged later this afternoon. His parting comment was, "Thanks for not croaking on me."

Right now I am waiting for a phone call letting me know that my mom is being picked up by an ambulance to be transported to the nursing home I selected for her rehab. It is 2 miles from my house, and on my way to work. It's highly rated, and on their last state survey they were found to have no deficiencies. Basically that means that they got a perfect score on their survey which addresses patient care, documentation, environment of care, safety, and so on. That is very rare.

You're a good daughter, wolf. You deserve a party. Maybe some Chinese food, too :yum: (I am thinking along the lines of when you and friends went to that Chinese place for Chinese New Year...complete with Party Hat!)

Your description of your mom's bad reaction to Ativan brought back many memories...sleepers, anti-anxiety--all meds that can wreck havoc on older people. Sundowners is also a problem, but, doesn't sound like that was the case with your mom.

hang in there. You're doing a great job.

My father went back into the hospital today. He was resting comfortably in rehab and everything looked good for him to come home in a week or so. Unfortunately, he had a minor complication that required better monitoring than the rehab, so they took him to emergency room, which is next door to the rehab.

From what I hear, everything is stable. Chances are he will be back in rehab in a day or so. I'll be there this weekend to see him wherever he is.

My mother was hospitalised a couple of years ago and also had psychotic attacks. We think these were connected to oxygen shortage and a different environment full of strange goings on. My mum is home and well again and I hope that your mum will be, too, soon Wolf!

I've been through a lot of this stuff with my parents over the last few years, I get the feelings. Peace.

Well, mom is now in the nursing home. Of course, that wasn't easy. She was transferred there last Wednesday (3-AUG-06) and was there for probably about 5 hours. Then she told the nurses aide she was having some mild chest pain, and BAM. They activated their emergency protocols, and the ambulance took mom to the hospital which shares a parking lot with the nursing home.

I received notification of this at work, while I was sitting on a one-to-one with a patient in restraints. I couldn't get the attention of any of my coworkers, so I made a couple of phone calls from the exam room, and established that mom was in good hands, and they were doing an assessment in the ER. As soon as I was able to extricate myself from work, I ran over to the ER, which is about 3 miles from my office.

I stayed there until they made the decision to admit her and then got her settled on the telemetry floor, which happened at about 0900. At that point I had been awake for 26 or 27 hours. My last official conscious act was to call off work for that night. I slept 8 hrs, woke up, visited at the hospital, had dinner and went back to sleep for another 10 hours. I guess the stress finally caught up with me, because I don't sleep like that.

Mom has now been returned to the nursing home with stern instructions from the cardiologist not to tell the nursing home staff that she is having chest pains ... after he got the laugh he wanted, he then explained that he was the coverage cardiologist for the nursing home and that he was giving specific instructions about trying two rounds of nitro and seeing if the pains resolved before they called 911.

In all the transfers, the only actually expensive piece of property that my mother had in her possession has gone missing ... her eyeglasses. She did not take them to the ER, and definitely had them at the nursing home. I know this because I filled out the admission property sheet. Every other disposable plastic basin and bottle of hospital mouthwash is there, but no glasses. Luckily, she only really needs them for reading, and I got her a pair of drug store reading glasses to use for the time being. I filed an incident report, and I hope that they turn up. I asked Saint Anthony for help and everything.

Tomorrow will be her first big day, as her physical rehab will begin.

Talking to my mother, today;
The doctors don't listen to elderly patients.
The doctors choose a prescribed treatment regimen from the menu, according to what the physicians assistant noted in the file.
Even when the doctors ask a question, they only listen for one or two specific answers that would send up a red flag, and dismiss anything else she says.
Trying to tell them codeine, 4 times a day for pain, causes constipation that's a real problem for someone with limited mobility, is fruitless. Even though it was at least partially responsible for two of the hospitalizations, this year.

Of course being a loving, devoted son, my response was, Fer chrissake Ma, you were a nurse for 40 years. You've been telling me the doctors were this way, forever. You know what to expect and you know you have to get their attention, even if you have to kick 'em in the balls.

I envy your patience, Wolf. :notworthy

Well, she survived the first stint of rehab, but I'm not sure if I will.

She was complaining to me about the process, and I said, "But mom, you have to do this stuff. You can't just lay there."

"I don't want to be here. I will sign myself out and come home."

"But mom, you can't go up the stairs."

"I'll just lay on the sofa."

*sigh* "Mom, I promise you that on the day that you can walk across that parking lot and get into my car, you can come home."

"Don't you dare say things like that to me!"

"Somebody has to."

On the upside, a small miracle occured.

The social worker responded to the incident report I filed on Saturday by coming in to see my mother. She mentioned that she had "six or eight pairs of glasses in my office. Perhaps your daughter would look at them and see if she could identify yours."

Perhaps I could, but would it have killed her to put them on a tray and bring them down to show my mom?

I was kicked out of the room by the wound care specialist, and ambled down to the social worker's office. Of course, she wasn't there. But the door was wide open, and as I stood there, I noticed the glitter of lenses atop her filing cabinet. So I stepped into the room to take a better look. There were indeed six or eight pairs of eyeglasses. I looked through them and did not see my mom's frames. I was about to leave the office when I noticed an eyeglass case.

Yes.

The one with a contrasting color address label front and center on it, with my mom's name and address. My business card was inside the case, along with the glasses.

I guess you don't have to read to be a social worker anymore.

On the other hand, I am the one who asked Saint Anthony to return the glasses, so it's only right that I'm the one who actually found them.

I now have the "good" glasses at home. My mother has three pairs of the finest reading glasses Walmart had to offer. $7.96, for all three. That's $2.65 a pair, to save you from doing the math. These can be lost, run over with a wheelchair, or taken away in the bedsheets to the commercial laundry and I won't care.

wolf wrote:

{el cheapo glasses} can be lost, run over with a wheelchair, or taken away in the bedsheets to the commercial laundry and I won't care.

Of course, none of these things will happen, and they will be around forever. We all know that you only lose the things you really like :rolleyes:

Was on vacation last week, and just had a chance to check in. I am really glad to hear that it seems you are on the downward side of this. Good luck with the recouperation. A virtual hug to you both.

And the battle continues... it sounds like you have your hands full. At least you got to take a short break to do lots of sleeping. Apparently you needed it. ;) Good luck to you and your mom. Things will probably stay difficult, but you can handle it. One day at a time... that is how I get through it.

It is my grandmother that I have to deal with in that respect. My mom died at a young age (43) of a heart attack, so now my grandmother is my stand in mom. And let me tell you, we have had our share of hospital and rehab stays. Good luck to you and yours.

I have also been away and am glad that things are moving in the right direction, if not steadily ... Positive vibes from Scotland.

wolf wrote:

The one with a contrasting color address label front and center on it, with my mom's name and address. My business card was inside the case, along with the glasses.

I guess you don't have to read to be a social worker anymore.

It will surely come as comfort to you to know that your mother's care at the hands of social workers and their ilk will be immeasurably improved once the whole libertarian program gets under way since business practices such as these will not survive, in the long run...

Sorry for the slip into sarcasm. I'm having challenges this week.

Glad to hear things are improving, if incrementally.

hings had been going fairly well as far as my mother's healing, however, this week there has been a setback related to the healing of her wound. The wound on her abdomen had been left open to heal from the inside out, which is apparently common in cases where there was a lot of internal infection. The wound began widening a bit last week, and now there is increased drainage, although no pus, and there is a possibility of infection. I spent today accompanying her to an appointment with a surgeon ... not the one who did her procedure, but rather one who was nearer to the nursing home. He was a good guy, and I have reports from folks at work that he's a good doctor. He made some changes to her medications, and my mom will be watched carefully for any changes. The nurse that cares for her is very spunky and effective, and is keeping a good eye on things.

wolf wrote:

The nurse that cares for her is very spunky and effective, and is keeping a good eye on things.

I have a feeling that your Mom is quite spunky herself, and is keeping tabs on the nurse...... one can never be too careful... :)

Wound infections are nasty, but manageable. Good job keeping Mom on the path to healing, Wolf.

The nurse that cares for her is very spunky and effective, and is keeping a good eye on things.

Good they are the BEST kind !!!!

I spent another night in the emergency room, interestingly in the same exam area where all of this started ... Curtain 10 at Chestnut Hill. Spunky nurse wanted my mom seen by doctors that had done her surgery and made it so.

All is well, the original doctors think the nurse is an idiot, nothing wrong with the wound ... but I'll tell you what, it looked entirely different last night versus the day before. Last night it was clean and dry, and the right colors of reddish pink, the day before it was bright right, dripping with blood, and with yellow bits poking out in wrong places.

Ah, the mysteries of medicine. It was nice to see Doctor Wong, though. He's a funny guy.

In an interesting coincidence ... the driver of the ambulance that took my mom to the hospital was the best man at my other boss' wedding ... I had told my mom to ask if he was on the truck and she would be treated like a princess ... and so she was. A different crew took my mom back to the nursing home. Somehow my mom found out on the way that the one fellow was the brother of a guy I worked with, and the other was a friend of another of my coworkers.

I'm not surprised that everybody at least knows of, everybody, in that tight knit medical movers society.

Sounds like things are looking up. :thumb:

If she weren't still weak, shaky, and occasionally confuddled, I'd agree.

Still rooting for you and your mum ...

wolf wrote:

If she weren't still weak, shaky, and occasionally confuddled, I'd agree.

Um...*I'm* that way more often than not, so no worries. :)

Hope you are still taking good kind care of yourself Wolf, you do deserve more treats you know..

In the time that I haven't been posting there has been yet another trip to the emergency room, but things now appear to be proceeding much better in terms of my mom's progress.

In a moment of true wonderment ... while I was visiting with my mom yesterday, she had another, very unexpected visitor. My mom's old doctor (the one before the DO she goes to see now) showed up out of the blue.

Well, not quite out of the blue. I got the story out of him. Somehow, despite him no longer being my mom's doctor of record, and having left the practice he was in when he was last her doctor, somehow got mailed a copy of my mother's hospital discharge summary. And so, he decided to track her down. He was my/our family doctor for about ... (counts on fingers, toes, and ends up having to strip ammo out of mags to complete) 32 or so years.

If I hadn't been there when he showed up, I would have accused my mother of hallucinating.

Wolf, That's touching and funny. (the last part)

wolf wrote:

And so, he decided to track her down.

Wow. Good guy. I can't imagine a relationship with a doc lasting that long anymore.

The whole process of bringing Mom home has been much more involved than expected.

It started with her being unable to make the walk from the car into the apartment. She covered about 10 feet of out 40 and sank to the ground (slowly and without injury), unable to proceed further. I called an ambulance and they got her safely installed on the living room couch. She hasn't the strength to make it up the steps, which is just as well as it means I don't have to figure out how to get her back down them.

Some of the home care stuff is getting put together, we've had visits from the nurses, and a health aide should be coming tomorrow to help her with bathing and so on. Sometime this week should see the first visit from the in-home physical therapist, who is apparently the one in charge of ordering things like wheelchairs, hospital beds, and so on.

Although I hadn't expected to need to do so, I've taken at least this week off work to try to get a better handle on things. My sister will likely make arrangements for a care aide in the evening to get mom settled and into bed so I can get back to work. My sister leaves tomorrow, so I'll be on my own after that.

I'm tired, and I'm heading for sleep now. For those of you not that familiar with my personal habits, that's about 5 hours earlier than my bedtime.

It looks like this is going to be a difficult time for the both of you - wishing you both the strength and sense of humour needed to get you through it to the better times ahead.

Good call on the week off from work, wolf. It's sometimes hard to see how much of your time/energy these things require until it's too late and you've worked yourself to exhaustion.

Sorry to hear about the disruption, Wolf. It is gonna be tough when you're the only one in charge after Sis leaves. I hope your mother knows how blessed she is to have children who care...I have a friend whose mother is in rehab right now, and my friend earnestly wishes that the woman would die.

That sounds bad Els, but it could be some compassion fueling it.

My Moms been in the Hospital/rehab loop, a bunch of times this year.
I asked my Brother, who lives with her, "Is this the point where from here on, when she dies, we'll all say it's for the best?"
He understood, saying it was a fair question.
He also said, yes.

There comes a point when the person you love isn't having fun anymore.
Every day is a struggle, painful for them and everyone who loves them.
Of course you do everything humanly possible to make their life as pain free as you can.
But it's a heavy blow to their ego, self image, pride, that you're sort of helpless to affect, no matter how much you love and respect them.

The natural progression. The natural order of things. To some, their chosen Deity's will.
But that doesn't change the fact that it sucks..... for the caregiver and recipient.




Wolf is a strong woman, but she's doing a really tough job and is going to need all the good vibes we can send her. :notworthy

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

That sounds bad Els, but it could be some compassion fueling it.

I only wish that it *was* compassion, Bruce, but it isn't...she hates her mother, she resents her mom being demanding, petulant and unappreciative. She feels that mom is manipulative and weak. She resents having to deal with her mother's decline and feels that her mom should have been better prepared financially and practically for her later years. In short...no compassion, just hostility and resentment. Mom isn't *that* sick, as in "death is imminent" sick. No, this is only going to get worse, and it pains me to hear it.

I know the woman is no saint, but jeez...at the end of life, your family members deserve respect and assistance, even if it is inconvenient, even if they weren't your favorite person to begin with. Hell, strangers deserve that.

Gotcha.....daughters and wives....once they turn on ya, you might as well be dead...;)

Good luck Wolf. I'm praying for you guys.

This week's adventure has involved my mother being in congestive heart failure. She's on a diuretic now, potassium, and a new heart medication, and seems to be resolving.

I very nearly had to resort to bludeoning her into unconsciousness to make her unable to refuse consent for ambulance transport, but we finally negotiated things down to a voluntary trip to her PCP.

Next time, I go for the club.

Oh dear. I'm not really sure what else to say, but it sounds like she has the right spirit, if aimed in the wrong direction. Good luck.

I worked last Saturday night. Typically I work 1600 - 2400. Because I had something I had to do on Sunday morning, my midnight coverage offered to come in early ... sometime between 2200 and 2300. She came in at 2200. I arrived home to find the wrong lights on in the house ... there are certain ones that momwolf typically leaves on. Momwolf was in a chair, slumped over to one side. She was breathing, but unreponsive to anything but painful stimuli. I tested her blood sugar. It was 34 ("normal" is usually around 100). This isn't the first low blood sugar episode we've had, but I usually come onto this scene when momwolf is confused, but conscious, and I'm able to get some OJ or bananas into her to bring her blood sugar up. I called 911 and the EMTs transported her to the ER. When they tested her sugars in the bus, it had dropped further, down to 22. They gave her a load of stat glucose and got her conscious and talking by the time they reached the ER. I followed along behind and spent a lot of time sitting with her, first in a hallway, and then in a curtain area until she was poked and prodded and tested and ready to be sent home at around 0400.

So, basically, my shift coverage's desire for two additional hours of OT (and my not caring about losing two hours of OT) saved my mother's life.

Do you think she's putting herself in these situations intentionally, or confusion and clouded judgment?

This one turned out to be a problem with her medications. My mother has been a non-insulin dependent diabetic for 20+ years. She has taken the same medication and dosage throughout that time. Since the infection and surgery in July 2006, she has lost about 60 pounds. In December or January, she had an incident where her blood sugars dropped down into the 40s. Her doctor cut her medication dosing from twice a day to once a day as a consequence of that. Before this past weekend's incident, we had already made an appointment with her endocrinologist who follows her for her hypothyroidism. I have been bugging her for years to also let him manage her NIDDM, but she was used to her old PCP doing this, and keeps forgetting that her current PCP is, in my estimation, a nice lady, but a gaping idiot as a doctor, or at least as a diagnostician. This was something that our old PCP was darn near magickal about, so pretty much everyone looks like a knucklehead when stacked up against him.

On Saturday, she ate more than adequately ... eggs and toast for breakfast, an Ensure in the afternoon for a snack, and roasted chicken for dinner. Everything points to the meds being the cause of this one.

Of course, now that we know she's not dying, she's milking it for all it's worth.

Cool, if she's milking it then she's still on the ball.

I hope she's feeling better soon.

richlevy;338443 wrote:

I hope she's feeling better soon.

Yea, really. What else is there to say.We finally had to put our mom into an assisted living home, tough stuff. Good luck.

Wolf, make sure you monitor yourself as you go through this with Mom. Sometimes we can mess up our own health focusing on others. Good luck lady.

Griff;338606 wrote:

Wolf, make sure you monitor yourself as you go through this with Mom. Sometimes we can mess up our own health focusing on others. Good luck lady.

Yup.

Good to hear that Momwolf is okay. I echo Griff's sentiments.

So, here we are coming up on Labor Day.

A year and a smidge has passed since Mom's last hospitalization.

Yeah, the bright ones among you caught it ... MomWolf is back in the hospital, this time for a blood clot in her leg. The fancy medical name for it is "DVT" or Deep Vein Thrombosis.

I took her to the PCP today for something else, entirely. She's been using a topical cream ordered by her dermatologist to treat a small skin lesion, but that hasn't been going well. She had a bad reaction, he's on vacation, and his nurse said "Go to the PCP." Good thing she did, really.

MomWolf's mentioned in passing that her left leg was swollen, and the doc thought that she should have an ultrasound to rule out a clot. I drove her over to the hospital, and with hardly any waiting, we had an answer. Blood clot, all right, but in the RIGHT leg, which wasn't swollen. They still don't know why the left leg is swollen, but hopefully they'll come up with something ...

I am really sorry to hear that. I hope all goes as well as it can.
My thoughts are with you.

Sounds like you caught a thorough Doc wolf. I hope Mom is doing better.

Your mom is lucky to have you, wolf. Don't forget to take care of yourself on occasion too.

Sending warm wishes your way, wolf.

Your mum is very lucky to have you, make sure you look after yourself, too, Wolf.

Here we go again ... on Wednesday, momWolf saw the dermatologist, who announced that all looked well with her forehead. Last Thursday mom saw her PCP, was told that all was well, some minor adjustments to the blood thinner medication for the DVT.

She was very perky, and had been enjoying the fact that wolfSibling and the kitties were down for a visit to help with the packing, and to finally get momWolf over to the new abode to check the place out.

We were going to do that yesterday.

I was awakened too early Saturday morning to hear momWolf calling for my sister. My first thought was, "Well, that shows who really rates, doesn't it?" and rolled over. She then started calling for me.

We both went downstairs to find her gasping like a fish and saying she wasn't feeling well.

wolf: Mom, I'm calling an ambulance.

momWolf: Do you have to? Can't you just take my blood pressure?

wolf: Okay, then I'll call the ambulance.

(it is not easy to try to take the blood pressure of a woman who continues to try to talk to you while you are listening very hard to hear the Korotkoff sounds (that's when the little thumpy-thumpy noises start and stop))

wolf: Hello, 911 dispatcher. I need an ambulance.

momWolf: Can't you just drive me?

wolf: No! Sorry about that 911 dispatcher, I need an ambulance for a 76 y.o. female, history of HTN, DVT, CHF, presenting with SOB, chest pain, and BP 220/110. Thank you. (ends call) As I was saying Mom, I can't drive you, unless you want me to just shove your dead body out on the side of the road when your heart stops.

momWolf: Is it that serious?

wolf: Yes.

Great response time on the paramedics, they were at the house in less than 10 minutes.

My sister and I left the house shortly after they did, and we saw the rig that transported my mom returning to the station as we were about 2/3 of the way to the hospital.

Rough time in the ER, as she wasn't responding to the medication she was initially given, heart rate through the roof, respirations scary high, and her blood pressure was starting to come down, but not by much. She was finally given an injection of some stuff that I can't recall the name of, but which worked very quickly, and within 10 minutes she was relatively stable, had good color, and was breathing normally. Apparently she had another episode of congestive heart failure, which may have been brought on by something that she does when she has a doctor's appointment ... she's on a diuretic, which makes her pee a lot, and she'll skip it if she has to go somewhere, like the doctor, so she stays drier.

Oh, and then she had a Cup O' Soup for dinner one night, chased it down with a half a pack of saltines, according to my sister who dropped the dime on her to the doctor. Your basic recipe for medical disaster.

She's much better today, ensconced on the cardiac telemetry floor at the same hospital she was in for the month of July last year. It's her favorite floor, and the nurses who cared for her at that time remember her, and me.

So, if I seem distracted or irritable, that's why.

Incidentally, I have the coolest BP cuff in Southeastern Pennsylavnia.

Sorry to hear that your going through it again Wolf. [hugs]

Bummer wolf. Keep on keeping on.

Your mom is lucky she has a great daughter in you.

Just saw this thread, missed the labor day posts. I can't believe her bp was that high!!! (normal is < 120/80) Glad to hear things are OK after that scare, yikes. Good luck to all of you!

Thinking of you, wolf. And your BP cuff rocks!

Well, no holiday weekend involved, but momWolf was back in the hospital last week. At first the concern was that she was showing blood in her stool (yeah, TMI, I won't get any more specific than that), which is a serious side effect of the blood thinner ...

After much discussion, a transfusion, and a horrifying test involving tubing down her throat, it has been determined that instead of a terrible, potentially fatal upper GI bleed, she has an ulcer. Not that the ulcer isn't bad enough, but it could have been worse ...

So, I go to the pharmacy to fill the script for the antacid/antibiotic combo, and learn two things ... first, if she didn't have insurance this stuff would cost over $400.

Second, the insurance company wouldn't authorize filling the script because of a potentially fatal interaction with her other meds.

Good on the insurance company, incidentally. As it happened, my regular pharmacy didn't have the med in stock, so I went to a different pharmacy. They had the combo meds, but halted the sale per the insurer based on the other meds they're paying for.

momWolf will be starting the meds on Wednesday, but she has to discontinue and wash out of the one that will kill her before starting the one that will cure the ulcer.

So, that's what I've been dealing with for the last week or so.

Yikes, the docs didn't mention/notice the potential interaction? THAT is scary. Really.

Take care, you two.

As of November 1, momWolf is back in the hospital. Yes again.

Trip to the PCPs office on Halloween, referral for another endoscopy.

This time they found something other than the ulcer that was leaking blood in her tummy. It was something called a Dieulafoy's Lesion, which was cauterized, but because her blood levels were low, back to the hospital we went. She was transfused that night, and is still hospitalized.

In the meantime, four beefy men should be at my door on Wednesday, November 14, early in the morning. Nowhere near enough of my stuff is in boxes for them to carry out to their nice, big truck.

Don't they have nice.... normal sized men to box it for you as well? Can't you recruit some local helpers?

I *hate* moving; you have my sympathies.

Best wishes for your mom. I know how agonizing that process is. My mom recently got out of the hospital after a fall, a couple of weeks ago. I'm rooting for you both from the left coast. You can count on that.

Wolf, much love to your mom, you and all who love her.

Good wishes and healing energies wafting across the pond from over here, too, Wolf.
Hope the move goes well: wishing you peace and plenty in your new home.

limey;403673 wrote:

Good wishes and healing energies wafting across the pond from over here, too, Wolf.
Hope the move goes well: wishing you peace and plenty in your new home.

Same from me Wolf.
Keep us updated.

Limey, I really like "Peace and plenty" - it may become my new toast.
My Nan's used to be, "More food than you have mouths to feed" which sounds like Western greed now but came from living in the East End in a Catholic family.

Good wishes and healing energies wafting across the pond from over here, too, Wolf.
Hope the move goes well: wishing you peace and plenty in your new home.
__________________
Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of :scotland:

Also known as "The Other Left Coast". You and momwolf are surrounded. Come out of the hospital with your hands up (and dancing, preferably).

Once again, an unexpected discharge.

Had to call off work, again.

Lose another day of packing time.

Bring momWolf home.

Go to grocery store for prescriptions and enough food so she won't starve.

Fill weekly med box.

Find out that one of the prescriptions was written differently than shown in the discharge instructions, will need to consult doctor tomorrow.

Find out that another of the prescriptions is out and although there are refills remaining on the prescription, it's for half the dosage she needs, add to list of things to call doctor about.

Find out that sample packs of new med are running short, add to list to discuss with doctor in the morning.

Need sleep desperately, but too much to do ...

Bless you. I know first hand what an exhausting and frustrating labor of love this alll is. It also doesn't take long to develop the talent of spotting discrepencies on those prescription bottles.

Newb status aside, you'll be in my thoughts.
All the best to you and your mom.
:)

This holiday weekend things is far too much of a trend. Happy Labor Day, everyone.

As I write this, it is 6:20 AM. I just got home from getting momwolf admitted to the hospital ICU. She is in Congestive Heart Failure (which yes, is a chronic condition, but she's got more of it than usual at the moment.)

I left work early. We got to the ER around 9:00 PM. There was a long wait for a bed, and at first she was expected to go to Telemetry, but got upgraded to ICU because she was placed on Heparin. The ICU is apparently protocol for that drug. One of her cardiac enzymes were also elevated, so they're trying to decide if she actually had a heart attack or not.

If I'd had my way she would have been at the ER at 2am last night, but I wasn't stern enough with her to make it happen. Tonight she didn't get to choose. I called 911 and didn't take no for an answer.

She didn't get to go to her favorite hospital, either ... it was too far away from where we are now living. As a bonus though, a close friend was the ER attending on duty tonight, so momwolf got first-class service, and also got to meet some of my Paramedic Friends who were kicking around in the ER.

Sorry lady. It is great that you have all these connections in the health care community though.

Ach, sorry to hear it Wolf. Hope your mum's feeling better soon.

take care

Sorry wolf. It's no fun when mum is sick. Hugs to you both.

:(

Hang in there.

More prayers for momwolf. :(

How is she today?

Yeah, how's your Mum doing Wolf?

Got back from the hospital a bit ago, went for visiting around 1130. Momwolf was sleeping. Her nurse pulled me aside and let me know that they are having trouble stabilizing her heart rate. She'll spike up into the 130s or better. Then some Nitro and Serax later, she's back down into normal range. Happened again while I was there. I got shuffled out into the family waiting room and called back in about 15 minutes later. The hospitalist and cardiologist are monitoring her carefully.

She slept most of the time I was there, which is fine. She needs that right now. I left after she woke up for a bit, because I didn't want her to awaken and just find me gone.

She's very frightened.

One of the things that they told her they wanted to do was a cardiac catheterization. So far she is refusing. The last time she had one down was at HUP/Presbyterian, back in 2006. At the time it revealed what we already knew ... the grafts from her 1985 cardiac bypass have lost elasticity, and they are also partially occluded. At the time they had considered placing a stent, but the architecture of her veins was such that they wouldn't be able to maneuver one into place without a strong possibility of busting through the vessel wall, so no go on that.

Frankly, I don't expect that much has changed there in the last three years. This is also the opinion of her cardiologist.

I can't wait until the darn holiday weekend is over and this hospital's guy can talk to her guy.

What I have to figure out is what to do ... do the paperwork and initiate FMLA now, or when she's ready for discharge home?

(It's really my only option. I am totally out of vacation at this point (momwolf's breast cancer, shingles, and my visit to The Mouse), and if I don't work the minimum number of hours per week I have to pay out of pocket for my insurance. At least with FMLA they can charge the time against sick rather than vacay. And I have plenty of sick.)

Ach Wolf, honey, how worrying for you. And how scary for your poor mum.

So sorry wolf.

Thoughts and prayers from the capnhowdy camp.

I'm sorry it is going so rough. :(

Man, wolf, I'm sorry you're going through this. We turned down a cardiac cath for my father, two days before he died. The cardiac team was all gung-ho, but the real question was "is anything actionable going to come out of this" and the answer was a resounding "no".

Best wishes for momwolf.

Today's visit went well, mostly anyway. She has some color other than "ashen," which I took to be an encouraging sign. However, she had a "cardiac event" while I was there, much like the one I described above.

Tonight I got a call from the doctor covering the unit. She's apparently had a couple more episodes since this afternoon. I offered to come over because she's scared about being alone, but the doc told me not to come as they are hoping that she will get some sleep, but they will call for me if momwolf wants me there.

This sucks.

Sucks is right wolf.:comfort:
We'll be thinking of you both...

Sorry to hear about all that wolf. Hope mom wolf pulls out. Sounds like she is going through quite the ordeal. But I do think she is in the best place she can be for now, as unsettling as it is with her in the hospital. Good thoughts coming your way.

:comfort: to you both.

*hug*

Aw crap Wolf. So sorry. Anything encouraging today?

Yesterday morning I was awakened at 7am by a doctor wanting to get consent for a blood transfusion.

No problem. All of this stuff has been discussed and I know what the right answers are, even if I can't find where she squirrelled away the living will paperwork.

Why did I have to give consent? She was given a heavy-duty painkiller yesterday and she was totally zonked. Not capable of making her own decisions.

Unfortunately, when she gets meds that "good," she tends not to react well to them. She spent the rest of the day pretty much asleep, and later on was confused. Luckily I was there when they came in to do an echocardiogram ... she fought with the echo tech, and I had to help hold her.

This morning a nurse called to inform me that there would be a call from interventional radiology, for consent for a PICC line. She's had one of these before. Why does she need it now? Well, on the one hand, her veins are quite fragile, and, I'm told difficult to stick. On the other, she became angrily confused overnight, apparently wanted to leave the hospital, and pulled her IVs. All of them. She may have had as many as three running.

She is now restrained.

On the upside, the cardiologist thinks she clinically looks "better."

siswolf arrived yesterday evening from Rhode Island.

hang in there.

Hugs for wolf and prayers for momwolf.

momwolf remains confused, but the agitation seems to have abated somewhat. She hasn't ripped her (full) colostomy bag off in at least two days.

Yesterday I had a scary moment. It turned out to be a false alarm (for momwolf), but was quite devastating for someone else's family. As I walked onto the ICU floor I heard an overhead page go out "CODE BLUE, ICU." These are words that you don't want to hear as you're going to visit a loved on on the ICU (Interestingly, however, it was the only time that I heard a code called in the whole time I was there visiting). All of sudden people in scrubs blasted out of the unmarked doors along the hallway I was in and started running toward the ICU. As they crowded into the unit, I peeked through the door and made sure that the flurry of activity was not going on anywhere near momwolf's room. It wasn't.

A nursing student saw me hovering around the door and asked who I was there for. I told her I was coming for momwolf, but recognized that they were all quite busy and I was perfectly fine staying out of their way. She told me to come on in. As I was doing so, another family saw where the action was, and knew it was their beloved Pop-Pop. I truly felt for them, as I had been dreading that particular scenario. From a kind of clinical coolness standpoint, though ... in this unit, when there's an irregular rhythm ALL of the cardiac monitors in the rooms get a pop-up window showing all the telemetry details. Now, I can't read an ekg to save my life, except to be able to say things like "Wow, that looks really irregular. That can't be good." Trust me, Pop-Pop wasn't good, but I think I did see when they shocked him and his heart struggled to regain something approaching a regular rhythm. It did, for a bit. I didn't see the final outcome, although his room was empty later. Whether he died or went to CCU or surgery or cath, I really don't know.

So, momwolf was physically doing better. She had good color and all that, but she was out there. I stayed for a couple hours, more to reassure her than anything. She knows her own name and recognizes me, but still doesn't quite grasp that she is in the hospital.

Today when I went to the ICU to visit she was sitting up in bed and feeding herself. This is major, since yesterday I was spooning applesauce into her mouth. Her nurse told me that she had eaten all of her breakfast as well. I also learned that her foley catheter was removed.

She was deemed stable enough that she "graduated." This means that she was moved to the telemetry unit since she is no longer sick enough for the ICU. The service isn't going to be as personal there as nurse to patient ratios are higher on regular units.

I hope that she doesn't try to escape. I doubt that she was get far, but that doesn't mean she won't try. I have always told her that I will only come to take her home when the doctor says she's good to go. I reinforce this by refusing to bring clothes until she is ready for discharge. If she tries to leave against medical advice, she knows has to catch the bus wearing a gown that flaps open at the back and a pair of footies.

siswolf returned to RI yesterday (Saturday), since momwolf seemed to be more stable. This is all very tough on her. Okay, on both of us, but I can deal with momwolf being in soft restraints a lot better. siswolf can't bear to see stuff like that. She did fine with the wound care stuff after the 2006 surgery, but momwolf being completely insane is outside of her experience.

While leaving the hospital today I saw one of my patients sitting across the street on a bench, talking loudly to a bush. She likes the coffee in the hospital cafeteria. It's a regular part of her route. My ambulance has actually picked her up by waiting for her there when more than a week goes by with an open warrant on her. Not sure if I should warn work that they will be seeing her any time now.

This is better than what happened a couple of days ago, also out in front of the hospital ... "Hi, remember me? I'm the one who always comes in psychotic and off my meds!" (*sorry, that doesn't narrow it down much*)

Sounds better, glad to hear it.

Thinking of you both, wolf!

More encounters with my patients. They have a route, you see, which includes getting some coffee and snacks at the hospital cafeteria. The community mental health center they all go to is just down the street. These patients were pretty nice, and I got a cheery "Hello, Miss!" from them.

momwolf remains medically stable(ish), not sure if she's still confused. She slept most of yesterday, some of her conversation was goal directed, but it was pretty limited, short answers and all. She had an MRI of her noggin done, and the results are "suggestive of a stroke," however, she's not showing any physical signs ... no weakness, paralysis, etc.

A kidney doctor tells me her kidney function is even less than the first guy said, but she's holding on. He said things like "quality of life" a lot. The plan remains managing her medically with no extreme interventions, as they are of limited value at this point.

Getting old sucks. Watching someone else deteriorate in front of you is extremely stressful. I watched my MIL and FIL pass and while it is inevitable its never easy. Sending you a cyber {{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}} to let you know someone is listening.

Oh wolf it's a bummer when you have to watch your mother decline. I'm doing the same right now - it's just no fun at all :(.

I don't know if your clinical/medical knowledge makes it easier or harder to deal/cope? Sorry to feel you going through this.
Queen Mother came to visit for a long weekend - first time I really noticed her aging. Guess I've been in denial. I don't like it. Already lost my daddy a couple of years ago (unexpectedly) - not ready to lose mom too.

Queen of the Ryche;595018 wrote:

I don't know if your clinical/medical knowledge makes it easier or harder to deal/cope?

In all honesty, both.

It would possibly be easier if I weren't effectively the only one doing it. My sister lives 5 hours drive away, and also isn't really good at dealing with this kind of thing.

There is a good possibility, that if the Neurologist clears her, momwolf may be moved to a nursing home tomorrow, mainly for physical rehab. The fact that she did not argue with the case manager when this was discussed with her lets me know that she is not yet firing on all cylinders.

I ran into my ambulance crew today. They were picking up the lady who screams all the time two doors down from momwolf. The Chief was one of the two EMTs and he offered to do any transport that's necessary. Hopefully I will be able to get that info to the case manager in time.

wolf;595026 wrote:

I ran into my ambulance crew today. ... The Chief was one of the two EMTs and he offered to do any transport that's necessary. Hopefully I will be able to get that info to the case manager in time.

It's always good to have friends. Best wishes to you and your mother, Wolf.

momwolf is spending more of the day awake, but her thinking is still not clear. She is able to hold a conversation, but I catch her confabulating (this is a professional way of saying "she makes things up to fill in gaps in her memory she doesn't understand"). The docs are definitely confirming a left frontal-parietal stroke, however, it seems relatively minor. She is not showing any problems with visual-spatial perception, and she is able to add numbers together without difficulty (apparently that's where math hangs out). They were hoping to discharge her to a nursing home today, but a last minute CT scan got in the way of the plans. The neurologist wanted to make sure that she is not bleeding into her brain, since one of the meds they want to put her on for discharge is a blood thinner. That's the kind of trade-off I'm having to decide on ... a blood thinner could increase the risk of another stroke, however, it can also reduce it, because thinner blood will get through her pretty much occluded heart vessels and improve function of her heart.

A clot or a bleed? A clot or a bleed??

ach this is a tough time for you, having to mother your mom and make the best decisions possible when it's not your own body. It's like a "Welcome to parenthood", except it's unlikely your charge will tale care of herself 18 years down the line. I wish for clearcut decisions and easy transitions ahead.

I'm sorry its been so difficult wolf. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around my Dads situation as well. What parts are really them? Good luck lady and like monster said clearcut choices.

momwolf is out of the hospital, but not yet home.

After several days of on-again, off-again discharge plans, she finally made it out the door of the hospital, and is now in the nursing home, but not terribly happy about it. Hopefully she will put up with it long enough to get enough strength back to manage on her own at home. Dr. Doom even stuck his head in the door to wish us a cheery goodbye. He had said that he hadn't expected her to make it through the first three days in the hospital, much less be able to be discharged. Don't get me wrong, I really liked Dr. Doom. I just liked having momwolf prove him wrong better!

The care manager at the hospital refused to take my very good suggestion that I had an ambulance that would take momwolf to the nursing home as a professional courtesy (i.e., FREE), and would be far more comforting to her as she knows quite a few of my crew members, and even the ones she doesn't know, she would trust on my say-so.

A different care manager finished momwolf's discharge and as she was talking to us about the instructions she said, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" I suggested it might have been because of the nuthouse, and she said, "No, that's not it ... did you go to West Chester?" Yep. We had lived on the same floor of the dorm ... 29 years ago.

So, momwolf gets to the nursing home without incident, and we're getting her settled into her room, when I discover that there's some stuff in the closet and drawers. I mentioned this to the Admissions Director, just to ask to have environmental services come in and decon the room, etc. Next thing I know they are pushing momwolf, bed an all, down the hallway to a private room. Man, I love the way they apologize!

Hopefully she'll really work at the physical therapy stuff, because she's already complaining. I may have to bribe her with food from Panera.

That's a big hurdle cleared. Hope the progress is as linear from here on. :thumb:

Good to hear the momwolf is heading in the right direction! Sending you strength for the next bit (I know how hard it can be to keep a mum in a place like that when she wants to leave ...!).

I always stop by this thread to keep up, Wolf.
As ever, love and healing thoughts to you and yours.

Oh that is so good to hear!

That's great news. I hope she settles in alright. My mom has been under the weather for months now, but so far it's not serious enough for hospitalization or nursing home.

Good news, Wolf. Momwolf is fortunate to have such a caring daughter. Bless you.

momwolf had her assessment by PT today. She will also be receiving OT (i think this means they have her fold laundry and make tea for therapeutic reasons) and will be working with a speech therapist. She doesn't have any deficits in her speech, but the speech therapist also works with cognitive skills.

momwolf promises to work very hard, because she wants out of the nursing home ASAP.

Her across the hall roommate is brain injured. He is very friendly, and often sits in his wheelchair in his doorway, giving cheery greetings to everyone who walks by. He also sings. Loudly. All day.

He told me that he was hit by a car when he was a child. He lived with his parents for his whole life, until they passed away. He was unable to sustain his housing on his own and became homeless. Somehow the homeless shelter got him into the nursing home for long-term care. He said he appreciated what was done for him very much, and that he is quite comfortable and well-taken care of.

Did I mention he sings?

I suspect that his brain injury probably occurred sometime in the 1970s, because that's his preferred musical era. He's either about my age or just a little younger.

He sang the Bobby Sherman hit, "Julie, Julie, Julie do you love me" and then segued into "Go Away, Little Girl." Actually, his rendition of "Go Away, Little Girl" bordered on being creepy.

So far momwolf is tolerating him. She thinks I shouldn't talk to him quite so much, though.

Tonight I bribed myself with some Panera. momwolf just wanted a soda. Big :thumbsup: to the Napa Almond Chicken Sandwich.

Perhaps your mom could devise some harmonies for the singing guy?

She is trained as a classical vocalist, and sang with a semi-pro chorale group prior to her skull fracture, so that is a possibility.

wolf;595966 wrote:

She is trained as a classical vocalist, and sang with a semi-pro chorale group prior to her skull fracture, so that is a possibility.

There you go! Making music, so they say, is good for all sorts of cognitive activities etc ...

How's your Mum today Wolf?

All Sunday momwolf was quite irritable and demanding. I suspect that the problem had it's root in there being physical therapy in the morning. After her initial assessment on Saturday, she was told that she would next go down on Monday.

Across the hall dude, he made a funny that was quite clever.

He's a big guy, probably 400-500 pounds. He asked a passing staff member for some more of the entree. He's always gaming staff for extra portions. Now, he didn't just ask for more food. He said, "Is there a pastability that I can have some more spaghetti?"

I will always remember momwolf's voice as the Voice of God on our school's PA system, paging people. I knew she was voice-trained!

It's Columbus Day Weekend, so guess what that means ...

I haven't had time to post much since October 1st, because that's when momwolf came home.

It was a little unexpected. One day she was doing PT in the nursing home, and next day I get a phone call announcing her readiness for discharge.

Of course they were wrong. Okay, maybe not as wrong as three years ago when I had to call an ambulance to pick her up off the front walk because she could only walk 10 feet or so from the car, but let's just say wrong-ish.

Actually the first week was pretty good. We were set up for home services (nurse to monitor health condition and PT), and already had all the homecare equipment from before.

momwolf actually liked the nurse and the PT. This does not always happen.

So, things are moving along, siswolf went home, and I'm off work again.

Except for some irritability on momwolf's part (mainly demands for things like some mmm mmm good Campbell's Soup, which is far to high in sodium for someone with a tendency toward CHF), things had been going fairly well.

Except for this week.

I probably should have not taken no for an answer two days ago when I knew she was starting to go into acute CHF. I tried asking momwolf to go to the hospital, but no go.

There were some very big problems with the blood thinner that she was on, her lab values came back at a very scary level, and so the PCP discontinued the coumadin until things settled down.

Okay, fine.

Yesterday the nurse thought momwolf might be heading into failure ... except that she was probably already there. Her feet were swollen, but about at what the nurse considered near to baseline.

Apparently momwolf's body has decided to hide fluid elsewhere ... upper legs, arms, and other places that the nurse wouldn't ordinarily check.

Frankly, I had already decided that I was going to issue an ultimatum today.

momwolf beat me to it. She started screaming for me at 0500 hrs today.

I took one look at her and said, "I am calling an ambulance."

Okay, it was more than one look, and also involved getting a set of vital signs, which actually weren't as bad as I'd expected. Bad for a normal person, but not so bad for momwolf, you see.

Ambulance shows up, joy of joys, one of my friends is the medic.

Better yet, my friend the ER doc was working this morning, just finishing up his shift, so we got premiere service, including fairly quick admission onto the cardiac care unit, which momwolf didn't actually need, but they were out of beds on cardiac telemetry.

Dr. Doom met with us in the ER, and to help expedite the admission, pushed the litter up to the CCU himself. Go Dr. Doom!

You'd think that would be enough for one day, right?

momwolf is firmly ensconced in a bed on the CCU. I went home to grab something to eat and bring some of what she considers essentials back to the hospital (box of real, soft, name-brand tissues, instead of the 3"x3" sandpaper the hospital hands out in itty bitty boxes).

I go back for evening visiting. momwolf is petulant, and a bit scared. I spent a lot of time reassuring her, and a bit of time chatting with one of the nurses who remembered her from last month.

Then I heard screaming.

A woman on the other side of the unit was shouting. From what I gathered from her ranting and from the nurses' conversation, she was demanding to leave, and, more importantly, she was demanding to leave with an IV still in her arm.

The situation quickly escalated with her refusing to allow the nurses to touch her, and made it's way up to her assaulting two nurses. Then the nurses started screaming and calling security.

Now, as I was sitting there, I was thinking, "You know, I could resolve this in about three minutes."

A nurse came in to reassure momwolf and I that everything was safe and under control.

I explained that I was used to such situations, and was quite interested in seeing how someone else dealt with such things.

Security failed to handle the situation.

And the cops got called.

As things were heating up I repositioned myself so that I was in the doorway of momwolf's room, both to have a better view (shame you can't have a microwave on a cardiac unit, I would have liked some popcorn), and to be in position to repel any attempts to get into another patient's room to escape the evil staff who wouldn't let a (my assumption based on what I saw and heard the patient saying) junkie go home with a nice IV line to shoot up through.

She assaulted the cop too.

Another big surprise there. I was pretty sure he was going to taser her. Saw him reach for it, but he changed his mind. There are some officers in his department who wouldn't have thought twice about it.

Heck, if you're going to get tasered, on the CCU is probably about the best place for it.

I did not get the opportunity to tell the cop "Don't you dare try to take her to the nuthouse!" I really wanted to, though.

So, anyway, that's how I got an extra half-hour of visiting past visiting hours tonight.

Tucked momwolf in, left an origami crane or two or three behind in various parts of the hospital (two in the ER, one in CCU). The cranes are something that I do to burn some nervous energy rather than pacing. Apparently momwolf would probably rather I pace, because she got upset at me for making the cranes today. Getting upset at me seems to take her mind of the direness of her own situation, I think.

Oh, one of the multiple calls I got today was from a very cheery nurse who said she was from Hospice, which is being offered because momwolf has essentially decided that she won't get any invasive tests, doesn't want CPR, defibrillation, or intubation, but is okay with medical management of her condition. The Hospice nurse said she and momwolf had a great conversation, in which the nurse never said the "D" word (yes, she really called it that), but spoke in glowing terms of comfort, and learning more energy conserving ways of doing things, etc. etc. She didn't think momwolf associated Hospice Care with what we all know hospice care is.

Yeah, right.

When I walked in tonight what's the first thing momwolf tells me?

"The Death Nurse was here to see me today."

She's still sharp. She might not be entirely clear on what she had for breakfast this morning, but she's not ready for the nursing home with the anti-escape ankle bracelet monitors yet.

Hugs to you wolf. It's hard being us.

momwolf remains in the hospital tonight, but there is a good chance she will be discharged tomorrow.

Most of the time, this is happy, encouraging news.

Not today.

Dr. Doom called me early this morning, explaining that they had done everything they could, and that if momwolf were younger and stronger, there were a large assortment of things they could attempt, including cardiac cathertization, and probably re-do her cardiac bypass.

As she is on the cusp of being 80 (her birthday is October 23) and she is medically fragile, these really aren't possibilities.

So, her discharge home will be into hospice.

I've been given a very nice brochure and a copy of the Hospice and Palliative Care Manual to look over.

I'm not retaining much of what's in there, although the words "dignity" and "compassion" and "quality" get used quite often.

momwolf, siswolf, and I have been doing a lot of crying.

I'm going to have to stop typing now, before I electrocute myself. Tears are salty and a good conductor.

I'm so very sorry, wolf. It's harder than fuck to look at your parent and know there is nothing that can be done to save them.

Hugs.

I'm sorry, wolf. :(

I know the alternative, but I'm still sorry this decline is dragging on for her... for you and your sister, too. :(

Hospice is the next step for my Mom, too... she's 81... I'm not looking forward to it.

Oh wolf, I am so sorry. It is so awful to be powerless to help your mother - the one person who was once able to make it all right for you.
You, your sister and your mother are in my thoughts (now I must stop typing for the same reason as you).

Hugs from the capnhowdy camp to the Wolf family. FWIW, Hospice is a great organization. They were very helpful and supportive during my wife's demise. I shudder at the thought of what it would have been like without them.

Oh Wolf. I'm so sorry to hear that. My prayers continue to be with you and your family during this most difficult time. Hugs and healing thoughts from all of us.

I'm so sorry wolf. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Aw, I'm sorry wolf...

Wolf, call if you need anything at all. I'm here.

sorry about momwolf!

sorry, wolf :(

Very sorry Wolf.

The hospice people I met are very nice. They helped a lot when my father-in-law passed away.

So sorry to hear that, wolf.

I'm sorry things have turned this way. Everyone in Grifftopia is pulling for you. I've been in your shoes but it doesn't give me any words to help. g

*Shakes head* that's so sad Wolf. So sorry you're all going through this.

momwolf is happier to be home. She called me her last night in the hospital demanding, "Get me out of this Hellhole!"

Frankly, it's the nicest of the possible nearby Hellholes.

So, she's here, the hospice nurse manager met with us yesterday.

Sometimes I wonder if momwolf really understands the implications of hospice, then she'll say something that seems to indicate that she gets it. She said last night that she didn't want to talk about it, hopefully we'll get the chance to do so today. Right now she's dozing in her chair.

Dammit. I need to remember to bring a box of tissues into my bedroom. I don't usually need them here.

Thanks, everyone, for your support.

I can't say at this point that there are good days and bad days for momwolf. It's more like a good bit of time here, a bad bit there.

I try not to lose patience with momwolf, but sometimes it's hard when you discover all of a sudden that you're wading through a lake of urine because she missed the toilet.

So far we've met with the nurse, physical therapist, care aide, and the chaplain.

momwolf's breathing continues to worsen, she's at 2.5 Liters of Oxygen now, but seems fairly comfortable at that level. So far she's resistant to trying any of the medications in the "emergency kit," although the nurse has suggested that one or two of them will help her breathing and will help her sleep. She has been waking me up at 3-4am the last two nights.

sometimes it's hard when you discover all of a sudden that you're wading through a lake of urine because she missed the toilet.

Kind of like being at work, isn't it?

Place a strategic pair of wellington boots by the bathroom door?
Oh wolf, hugs to you!

Hang in there, Wolf.

Thinking of you and momwolf.

I am trying to figure out where the "dignity" is in this process. momwolf keeps wondering where the "comfort" is ... she's not feeling comfortable, lately.

One of the things that makes this hard is that I'm all about doing stuff, fighting to the end and all that.

Well, we made it through momwolf's birthday.

siswolf had to return home today as there are some things she must do at the office, but she promises to return on Monday.

I am hoping that momwolf will stick around until at least then, because I do not want to be alone for this. I understand though, that when the time comes, it will come, regardless of what I want.

momwolf was up and out in the living room most of yesterday, but it was a challenge getting her back to bed. She slept through most of the day, but was rousable, did have some of the Chinese food we brought in for dinner and her Lemon Cake.

The Hospice Nurse came in the afternoon, wished momwolf a Happy Birthday, and brought her a birthday card. She thought that momwolf's condition was "an advance of the disease process" and "it shouldn't be much longer."

siswolf talked to her in private and apparently the nurse thinks she'll at least make it through the weekend, based on her experience.

Today momwolf has remained in bed. She wakes intermittently, tells me she loves me and siswolf, and has decided that her nightgown was uncomfortable, and so, she is nearly naked. She has at least for the time being agreed to keep a sheet on.

I've given her some of the magic liquid medicine (it's morphine) in hopes that it will make her more comfortable.

Interestingly, siswolf is turning out to be the more task focused and practical one ... she looked up funeral homes online and has written down their contact information.

Supposedly I won't have to make the initial contacts, I just have to give the information to the Hospice staff and they make the calls.

Wolf, every time I see you've posted in this thread my heart gives a lurch. You and your family are in my thoughts.

What she said. Such a horrible time for you. I'm sorry.

limey;603046 wrote:

Wolf, every time I see you've posted in this thread my heart gives a lurch. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Exactly my reaction. Hang in there dear.

I'm very sorry to hear this. It's still good to hear that the hospice staff are on the job.

oh wolf, I'm sorry you have to be going through this.

Unfortunately, it seems like we all have to go through this sooner or later. Unless you were born an orphan and married an orphan.

Hang in there, wolf.

A care aide was just out to bathe momwolf. She also helped me to change momwolf's brief. In doing so we made what is a pretty scary discovery. There was fecal material in the brief ... as you may recall, momwolf has a colostomy.

The hospice nurse has been informed of this, didn't offer any suggestions in terms of what it might be. The nurse will be out tomorrow morning to see momwolf.

The care aide was great though, momwolf roused a bit during the sponge bath, but not in any significant degree.

Things have moved so fast. She was up and talking on Thursday, and although not entirely with us, was able to celebrate her birthday with siswolf and I on Friday. Perhaps this is what they talk about ... that people try to make it through some milestone date, and then things just start happening more quickly from then on.

I have seen this when I worked as a carer in an old folks' home. One old lady had a visit from each of her three children (one lived abroad) and then simply stopped eating and faded away. Perhaps that is not a very comforting thing to say, but perhaps momwolf knows what's best?
All I can say is that I know how hard it is to watch your parent suffer knowing you can do nothing to help. I wish you and your sister the strength to get through this. Lean on your friends.

Bless those folks. I had to give my father-in-law a sponge bath when we went down to Florida to bring him back here. He had been living with someone who was also declining and neither of them had caregivers.

On the one hand I'm proud to have saved my wife the experience. On the other hand it was pretty awful.

It's over. momwolf passed away yesterday evening. She was "sleeping" (which is a euphemism for was just barely semi-conscious). It was peaceful, if you don't count the last two weeks.

siswolf did not arrive until several hours after "it" happened, which is probably for the better. I waited until after siswolf had gotten her to make the phone call to the Hospice on-call service. The nurse they sent out was a complete ditz, no apparent compassion, kept complaining about how late it was, and hit us with a very perfunctory "sorry about your loss" before going straight on to "do you have any of the narcotics left over, I have to destroy them."

Everybody else had been lovely. This will go on the comment card.

______________________________________

Thought about this, I think that there will be further adventures related to dealing with the funeral industry, so I'm going to start a separate thread.

Please accept my deepest sympathy. May you be blessed with strength in this time of sorrow.