More songs I wrote, please crit?

[CENTER]You, Robot?[/CENTER]


A million small points of light
Flickering in the dark
Dependant on our tiny machines
Electric overload

Sci-fi is fiction no more
Machines, they rule our lives
Computers in charge of all
Our towns are run like hives

Has mankind grown too lazy?
Are people just too weak?
Machines tell us what to do
What to eat, what to think

What once took weeks, a moment
What took a year, an hour
Our lives have sped up too much
Why can’t we mellow out?

Outro solo (Keys? Techno-prog-y vibe, think APP’s I Robot)

[CENTER]Breakdown, Breakout, Breakaway
[/CENTER]


Breakdown
In a world of hate
Freedom’s fight
The fate of many

CHORUS:
Why fight when you can love?
Make love not war, release a dove,
Spend some time with a girl you love,
Let time pass you by on the wings of a dove.

Don’t show
Sympathy for another
Helping man
Means helping the enemy

CHORUS

Solo (60’s vibe? CCR maybe? Not quite sure yet)

Peace sells
But who would buy it?
Angst and hate
Sell twice as much

Find a mate, and stay by her side
Leave all the pain and hate behind
When you’re at your true love’s side
Hate and fear will vanish behind.

Solo (Bluesy/jazzy yet sexy vibe – Brian Setzer Orchestra-y, maybe…)

Primal Muse would like the first one. ;)

hahahahaha

But really, whaddya think of the songs?

those aren't songs. they're still only poems. bad poems.


oh,.....do you smell what i have cooking in the next room? it's marvelous

Thanks for the help, lj.

he's serious. w/o music how can we tell what is going on?

Ibram, have you written music to these songs? If so, can you record the music then upload an mp3 file so we can at least hear it? That would make a huge difference in critiquing your songs.

I'd be curious to hear them.

I'm working on it, but both my instrumentation and my, er, playing ability are more limited than I would like.

I like the way they sound in my head....but I'd love to hear how they should sound.Especially the breakup one.

Did you match the beat of these to any existing songs? I would like to know how you imagine it being sang.