PMS - the ultimate relationship killer?
OK, I'm going ape. 2 weeks ago she was talking about possible separation, marriage councelling, etc. Today she says she missed me and she loves me. Her period started yesterday. PMS? If it is, I'm not sure I can handle next month's emotional roler coaster! :eek:
The menstrual cycle is a man's worst enemy. Except maybe those chairs that, if you dropp something, it ALWAYS finds its way down between the cushions somewhere, and due to how the chair is made, you cant ever get to it.
OK, I'm going ape. 2 weeks ago she was talking about possible separation, marriage councelling, etc. Today she says she missed me and she loves me. Her period started yesterday. PMS? If it is, I'm not sure I can handle next month's emotional roler coaster! :eek:
How long have you two been together?
Do you know the three most important words,"you're right honey"
followed up by "Im sorry"?
That's all the advice I can muster. I'm pretty sure we've all been there. My dad told me never to get into a fight with a drunk, they're feeling no pain and not thinking straight, they won't know when to stop if they're losing or winning. It's best to avoid them.
I think the same thing applies to PMSing gals. Humor them, you aren't really losing anything by agreeing with them, and when the storm is over they'll probably forget any concessoins you made.
Unless it is a big medical thing, then ask someone else.
Hang in there.
It'l be our 12th anniversary in August. We have a 7 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl. We've been having problems lately - lot of it is that she feels she married to young and for all the wrong reasons :( She is very religious, so I keep reminding her that God must have put us together for a reason. We're both thblack sheeps of our respective families and think differently from them. Most of the fights between us seem to stem wheneer I have any interaction with them - she feels she's been mistreated over the years by them mentally.
I read somehwhere online that agreeing with your spouse is one of the most effective way to diffuse an argument, seems to work.........
I stayed up late many evenings reading lookout123's thread on his situation and eventual divorce, that kinda made me think that maybe she's got some type of bipolar dissorder. I've been seeing a councellor since the fall for stress - I've had a few breakdowns since. I've suggested we do the same, and insisted that before we see a marriage councellor, that she see a concellor on her own to talk about hings and perhaps get a difference point of view on what she's feeling.
Meanwhile, my brother is getting married in November, and I know that having anytning to do with my side of the family is going to be VERY tense.
Then again, my family has always treated me like an afterthought, so I wonder why I even bother. After all my wife and my kids come first right?
Pack up the family and move to the other side of the continent from both families. Then each of you can handle your respective families electronically, as you see fit, without involving the other party.
Or just tell both families you've moved, and continue relations electronically.
Oh hell. I'm no help.:o
The menstrual cycle is a man's worst enemy. Except maybe those chairs that, if you dropp something, it ALWAYS finds its way down between the cushions somewhere, and due to how the chair is made, you cant ever get to it.
I believe PMS is also a women's worst enemy. When my husband has mood swings I call it Pissy Man Syndrome.
Yes, I know how hard PMS can be on a man when his SO is going through it, but I'd like to see a man go through all that the woman dealing with PMS goes through and see how they handle it. Let's see all the men out there go through horrible cramping, headaches, mood swings, crying, feeling like nobody cares, bloating, weight gain, bleeding for 7 days or more or less, extreme fatigue, and then on top of it all we are supposed to act as if nothing is wrong...we still go to work, still take care of our families, still run a household, etc. all while feeling like crap every three weeks or so.
Dude, the secret weapon is chocolate. Offering it directly may be too blatant a ploy. Just make sure it's left in a cabinet where she will see it. I recommend the
Ghirardelli Squares with 60% Cacao.
How long have you two been together?
Yeah, haven't you seen this before?
Dude, the secret weapon is chocolate. Offering it directly may be too blatant a ploy. Just make sure it's left in a cabinet where she will see it. I recommend the Ghirardelli Squares with 60% Cacao.
I recommend a good
multi-vitamin.
Chocolate is very high in magnesium and craving it is often the result of deficiency. Magnesium deficiency is common (more so in diets high in processed foods and grains) and the symptoms include personality changes, depression, irritability etc..
I also find B vitamins important for maintaining sanity.
:3_eyes:
Chocolate tastes better than Flintstones Chewables.
Marketing opportunity? "Two great tastes that go great together..."
Chocolate is very high in magnesium and craving it is often the result of deficiency.
Both true...but I'll bet the deficiency that causes the craving isn't magnesium. :-)
Both true...but I'll bet the deficiency that causes the craving isn't magnesium. :-)
snicker snicker = snickers!
we've come full circle
Vitex Agnus is a women's best friend!!! add Chocolate and there is no hormonal challenge too great.
PMS is a really difficult issue to deal with because it's certainly crazy to suggest it to a woman when she's in the thoes of it, and after it's gone, I guess maybe you're just glad it's over or maybe even wonder if you were just temporarily insane.
I know this because I definitely have a problem with pms myself. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. The best way I can say to deal with it is to try out a couple of ideas and see if one works. What works for me is evening primrose oil and st johns wort. I pop a couple of those babies each night before bed in the week leading up to and during my 'pms period' and everything is much calmer. It also helps that my SO is understanding and usually comes home bearing magnitudes of chocolate and take-away so I don't have to worry about cooking etc.
It's a small price to pay for domestic harmony from his perspective, and from my perspective, when it's all over, it just gives me another reason to love him just that little bit more.
I believe PMS is also a women's worst enemy. When my husband has mood swings I call it Pissy Man Syndrome.
Yes, I know how hard PMS can be on a man when his SO is going through it, but I'd like to see a man go through all that the woman dealing with PMS goes through and see how they handle it. Let's see all the men out there go through horrible cramping, headaches, mood swings, crying, feeling like nobody cares, bloating, weight gain, bleeding for 7 days or more or less, extreme fatigue, and then on top of it all we are supposed to act as if nothing is wrong...we still go to work, still take care of our families, still run a household, etc. all while feeling like crap every three weeks or so.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I never said it was worse for dudes... I just said it was his worst enemy.
PMS ? Nonsense . Just an excuse for bad behaviour . Imagine if high testosterone levels were used as an argument to exonerate a man guilty of rape .
Both men and women have minds and bodies . Being civilized involves knowing how to control one's body .
Ouch. Somebody's about to get hisself killed...
'herself ', Ibrahim . Je suis une femme .
Interesting perspective Buddug. Have you had children, or your 30th birthday yet?
hisself, herself, whatever, 'sall the same to me
I have four children , and would like a fifth , Jinx .
The secret , girls , is always to be pregnant .
PMS ? Nonsense . Just an excuse for bad behaviour . Imagine if high testosterone levels were used as an argument to exonerate a man guilty of rape .
Both men and women have minds and bodies . Being civilized involves knowing how to control one's body .
Exactly, when my wife is having trouble with her hormones and acts out and I call her on it, she owns it.
S-all you have to do. Ain't hard.
& she
knows about hormone troubles having had a pituitary tumor. Talk about nuts! We dealt with it together, not just me putting up with it.
It is
more important to be polite to those closest to you, those easiest to take for granted, than anyone else.
Exactly, when my wife is having trouble with her hormones and acts out and I call her on it, she owns it.
S-all you have to do. Ain't hard.
On this point we disagree.
& she knows about hormone troubles having had a pituitary tumor. Talk about nuts! We dealt with it together, not just me putting up with it.
It is more important to be polite to those closest to you, those easiest to take for granted, than anyone else.
but the rest is solid gold.
Bravo!
Never pms. Cramps sure and only then grouchy but nothing a tylenol and a coke dosn't cure.
I had an easy menopause.It was gradual and natural. No emotional swings just terrible night sweats.
The only time I get feel emotional is when I am about to come down with a virus.
Feeling grouchy and or emotional isn't a permission slip for bad behavior. I have always sucked things up. I do this because I have a kid with a disability. I have to be a rock.
You think PMS is bad try bipolarity.
Feeling grouchy and or emotional isn't a permission slip for bad behavior.
Shhhhh, dont say that out loud!!!!
I just love that any time I am having a bad day the boys I work with look at each other and go
"that time of the month"..then to me "its ok, want some chocolate??".
On this point we disagree.
What's wrong with owning your actions?
Not a thing.
The calling her on it and the "Ain't hard" part is where we differ. That is hard, for me. YMMV. My mileage?
My dad told me never to get into a fight with a drunk, they're feeling no pain and not thinking straight, they won't know when to stop if they're losing or winning. It's best to avoid them.
I think the same thing applies to PMSing gals. Humor them, you aren't really losing anything by agreeing with them, and when the storm is over they'll probably forget any concessoins you made.
Not a thing.
The calling her on it and the "Ain't hard" part is where we differ. That is hard, for me. YMMV. My mileage?
Ok, I took the statement differently.
We are fortunate to have excellent communication.
If she takes it wrong and "starts" I just leave, lock myself in the study until she has had some time to think about it. It usually takes about five min. Then we both apologize for "being short", unless it was just one of us, and move on.
Never pms. Cramps sure and only then grouchy but nothing a tylenol and a coke dosn't cure.
...
The only time I get feel emotional is when I am about to come down with a virus.
Same for me, my period is usually a very easy one, almost never cramps and grouchyness is rare. When I get all emotional it's usually a virus coming up as well. And grouchyness is usually caused by tiredness or when I've been walking/standing too long and my hip begins to hurt.
Same for me, my period is usually a very easy one, almost never cramps and grouchyness is rare. When I get all emotional it's usually a virus coming up as well. And grouchyness is usually caused by tiredness or when I've been walking/standing too long and my hip begins to hurt.
I am glad for that Tse Moana. I don't feel so alone in being plain. :)
I used to have really bad periods, but rather than bother others with my moods I would hole myself up in my room for several days until it passed. But now that I am taking birth control, I don't have that problem anymore. And they have the brand where you can continue taking it and stop your period, which I do with mine even though technically it is just a month to month. I would suggest to anyone that has really bad PMS and whatnot to get on birth control and see if it helps, because it really can. Now I hardly even notice my periods.
Pack up the family and move to the other side of the continent from both families. Then each of you can handle your respective families electronically, as you see fit, without involving the other party.
Or just tell both families you've moved, and continue relations electronically.
Oh hell. I'm no help.:o
Thought about that many times - right now we live about 45 minutes apart. I've told them to back off and give us some space until the kies are a bit older. They just don't get it, they still call and drop by, not as much as before. They still send emails, but nothing beyond the occasional jokes.
I can't beleive I'm saying this, but I wish they'd just leave me alone. :redface:
Let's see all the men out there go through horrible cramping, headaches, mood swings, crying, feeling like nobody cares, bloating, weight gain, bleeding for 7 days or more or less, extreme fatigue, and then on top of it all we are supposed to act as if nothing is wrong...we still go to work, still take care of our families, still run a household, etc. all while feeling like crap every three weeks or so.
I've ben thorugh this to an extent - cramping/bloating/bleeding from IBS/proctitis, headaches from working 2 jobs, moodswings and crying and fits of rage from depression and anxiety, feeling like nobody cares, which brought on the depression and anxiety, weight gain and loss from Graves disease.....
still go to work everyday and try to maintain a postive attitude, and some days I just don't give a damn.
Today my wife was out in the morning, my daughter had her way in the house while I as still in bed. Got my son's markers and drew all over here arms. I thought it was cute, and thought "well at least she didn't draw on the walls". ThenI found out she ate the secret stash of chocolate in the kitchen, and got into a smaple of perfume my wife had in her purse. Hope she didn't drink it.
Roll with the punches. :p
Dude, the secret weapon is chocolate. Offering it directly may be too blatant a ploy. Just make sure it's left in a cabinet where she will see it. I recommend the Ghirardelli Squares with 60% Cacao.
Yeah, that usually works, as long as my daughter doesn't find it - she loves Lindt. :D
I recommend a good multi-vitamin.
Chocolate is very high in magnesium and craving it is often the result of deficiency. Magnesium deficiency is common (more so in diets high in processed foods and grains) and the symptoms include personality changes, depression, irritability etc..
I also find B vitamins important for maintaining sanity.
:3_eyes:
We've been anti-vitamins ever since my Mom tried to brain wash us into taking them. SHe ain't exactly the picture of health......:rolleyes:
PMS is a really difficult issue to deal with because it's certainly crazy to suggest it to a woman when she's in the thoes of it, and after it's gone, I guess maybe you're just glad it's over or maybe even wonder if you were just temporarily insane.
I know this because I definitely have a problem with pms myself. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. The best way I can say to deal with it is to try out a couple of ideas and see if one works. What works for me is evening primrose oil and st johns wort. I pop a couple of those babies each night before bed in the week leading up to and during my 'pms period' and everything is much calmer. It also helps that my SO is understanding and usually comes home bearing magnitudes of chocolate and take-away so I don't have to worry about cooking etc.
It's a small price to pay for domestic harmony from his perspective, and from my perspective, when it's all over, it just gives me another reason to love him just that little bit more.
Thanks for the tip, I'll give that a go in another 20 days or so. ;)
I've been bringing home food a lot lately, YUM!
I've been working nights since Easter weekend, I think part of the whole package is that she misses me in the eveing whe she has nobody to help with the bedtime routine with the kids.
Still though - PMS or not - when you hear the words "this ain't working out, maybe we need to separate" doesn't sit well no-matter what's going on behind it. :sniff:
PMS ? Nonsense . Just an excuse for bad behaviour . Imagine if high testosterone levels were used as an argument to exonerate a man guilty of rape .
Both men and women have minds and bodies . Being civilized involves knowing how to control one's body .
Sometimes what's happening in ones body isn't in our control. :sniff:
Interesting perspective Buddug. Have you had children, or your 30th birthday yet?
LMAO :D
The secret , girls , is always to be pregnant .
This morning, after the chocolate/marker/perfume discovery, she said "please, no more children". I responded with "honey, remember that procedure I had 18 months ago to remedy that?" :rolleyes:
Exactly, when my wife is having trouble with her hormones and acts out and I call her on it, she owns it.
S-all you have to do. Ain't hard.
& she knows about hormone troubles having had a pituitary tumor. Talk about nuts! We dealt with it together, not just me putting up with it.
It is more important to be polite to those closest to you, those easiest to take for granted, than anyone else.
How did you guys deal/work with it? I'm all ears.............
You think PMS is bad try bipolarity.
I think I have one foot on the door on that, and I DO NOT want to take another step... :sniff:
Ok, I took the statement differently.
We are fortunate to have excellent communication.
If she takes it wrong and "starts" I just leave, lock myself in the study until she has had some time to think about it. It usually takes about five min. Then we both apologize for "being short", unless it was just one of us, and move on.
When I'm at work, she call me on the cell. If we're talking and tempers flare, I recognize that she needs to cool off and tell her a have to go (I'm usually driving). Did this over the last few days, and didn't call her back. The last time, SHE called back about an hour later and appologized for snapping at me. That felt really good. :blush:
11 posts is a lot of posts in one go.... that could have been condenced... no?
wow, an 11truple post...
He wasn't kidding about bipolar....that's the manic phase.
Give him a break, this is new turf outside of What are we listening to, y'know?
But as to the topic of the thread, this news item captured my attention recently.
Continuous Contraception.
The voice in the article said something interesting, that the number of periods women have "these days" is far greater than what our ancestors (well the women) had. Today's number is approximately 420 (no connection AFAIK). The reason it used to be less is that a young woman would become pregnant upon reaching sexual maturity (menarche) and then spend much more time either pregnant or lactating, both of which inhibit the cycle.
They further said that the current contraceptive hormonal dosing schedule is an entirely artificial and arbitrary decision made in the days before instant pregnancy checks. One reason was so that a woman might know she was not pregnant by the monthly bleeding. One point I didn't get very clearly was that the current situation, of a woman on oral contraceptives, is that she's not expelling an egg, she's only bleeding. I'll have to check up on that.
The point about continuous contraception was to have a regular dose of estrogen and progestron (?? from memory, sorry) over the whole thirty days, instead of the earlier schedule of 21 on and 7 off. This regulates the levels and guess what else is thereby regulated? PMS. It sounds good to me.
11 posts is a lot of posts in one go.... that could have been condenced... no?
Yeah, I could have, but I like to address each point on it's own, and I think I'm becoming a post whore ;)
Dude its REAL simple , chicks are Verry CRASY for about a week out of a month , us Dudes are just slightly Weird Most of the time , it is a hormonal thing .
And befor you ask ,NO I have NOT read ANY of this thread .
But as to the topic of the thread, this news item captured my attention recently.
Continuous Contraception.
The voice in the article said something interesting, that the number of periods women have "these days" is far greater than what our ancestors (well the women) had. Today's number is approximately 420 (no connection AFAIK). The reason it used to be less is that a young woman would become pregnant upon reaching sexual maturity (menarche) and then spend much more time either pregnant or lactating, both of which inhibit the cycle.
They further said that the current contraceptive hormonal dosing schedule is an entirely artificial and arbitrary decision made in the days before instant pregnancy checks. One reason was so that a woman might know she was not pregnant by the monthly bleeding. One point I didn't get very clearly was that the current situation, of a woman on oral contraceptives, is that she's not expelling an egg, she's only bleeding. I'll have to check up on that.
The point about continuous contraception was to have a regular dose of estrogen and progestron (?? from memory, sorry) over the whole thirty days, instead of the earlier schedule of 21 on and 7 off. This regulates the levels and guess what else is thereby regulated? PMS. It sounds good to me.
That is kind of what I was getting at when I said women should try birth control. A lack of PMS sounds magnificent to me. :D One of the things I don't think a lot of people consider is women usually hate PMS just as much as men. No one wants to feel crabby and whatnot.
Yeah, I could have, but I like to address each point on it's own, and I think I'm becoming a post whore ;)
Sometimes it's easier to respond to each person individually, especially if they are making different points. Then if people want to respond to you they don't have to separate out that point. It's all good.:thumb:
If you think cycling estrogen is hard on relationships, try constant testosterone. That's why there's the saying that PMS is a few days when women act like guys do all the time. :-)
And I know both sides of *that* coin. ;-)
Zippy calls it only "slightly wierd" because he doesn't know any better.
Literally.
I'm getting a LOCK for my T-SHIRTS!!!!
What is WITH you chicks?! Get your own clothes.
Ok, PMS sucks.
You know... it would not be so bad if, every time you had your period, you came to me twice a day and asked "were you planning on wearing this, this week", or, "do you mind if I wear this"? But, noooooo.... you just show-up in a favorite shirt and when I say something about it I get pouted at, no matter how many times I ask you to let me know first.
Hell, at least it's not when I was dating and they just stole them!
It makes no damn sense, you have five times as many clothes as we do and they cost five times as much... if you like wearing ours so much, just buy em'!
Psh, my girlfriend stole both my favorite jacket and my favorite sweatshirt.
The jacket was my dad's jacket when he was in the Army, in Germany, in Winter. Warmest damn thing I've ever worn. Oh well, it's hers now - I finally stopped wondering if i'd get it back and just gave it to her for christmas.
The sweatshirt was an awesome DSOTM sweatshirt. She doesn't even like Pink Floyd.
My gf steals my tshirts & stole my army jacket so I stole her fisherman pants. touché. My jacket re-appeared. Fire with fire boys, fire with fire.
Firw with fire? Aren't we as men above that type of childish behaviour? ;)
PMS ? Nonsense . Just an excuse for bad behaviour . Imagine if high testosterone levels were used as an argument to exonerate a man guilty of rape .
Both men and women have minds and bodies . Being civilized involves knowing how to control one's body .
I agree with Buddug. I'm in control over my mind and body, just as much as I am in control of the things that come out of my mouth. PMS will never be an excuse for me to be "crazy" even if I may feel crazy inside. I can still control myself.
you clearly don't have a good jacket cableguy.
Hey, I had a DAMN good jacket, but I let it go because, honestly, it was worth it. She wanted it and it didn't hurt me to give it to her, so I gave it to her. The best damn girl in the world is surely worth a jacket to me.
[HTML]She doesn't even like Pink Floyd.[/HTML]Take the jacket back and dump her ass. :haha:
I was thinkin' it.
BTW... last night my wife shows up at dinner with my angry gorilly T on! Even after the rant... that is two of my favorite T's in a row!
This is gonna' git fugly!
you clearly don't have a good enough jacket ;)
Weather's too warm for jackets where he is, jag.
Well at the moment, it holds true for me, too... Taiwan is downright tropical.
I wanna' hear from the women... what is the deal with the light fingers?
Because it smells like you.
eh....cant help you there RK, I dont believe I have taken anything of my bf's...but that maybe coz they have shit taste :)
Because it smells like you.
My wife only takes clean ones and we wash our stuff together... not helping, but you remind me of a puppy I once knew.:3eye:
I wanna' hear from the women... what is the deal with the light fingers?
I'm not sure I follow you...
I wanna' know why they take our clothes without asking.
Honestly, I would not mind if they would just ask... but I just cannot get my wife to ask and have never had a gf that did.
What is the deal?
I've always been told it's the smell thing.
What does that have to do with asking & those who live together and wash their clothes the same?
I almost always ask, but then he tells me I don't have to. We share everything we have and if I want to borrow a shirt he never seems to mind. But I still ask because I want him to know I am grateful for it, even if it is a given that he lets me borrow it. I don't know why your wife refuses to ask. Maybe she thinks it isn't important, and if that is the case, maybe sitting her down to talk will show her that it means a lot to you. Sometimes an offhand comment about it isn't taken to heart and you have to remove each other from the situation so that it is obvious it is a big deal. I don't know if you have done that already, but it might help if you haven't.
I know if someone pulls me aside, and has me sit down and tells me that we need to talk, I make sure to take notice of what is being said because it must be important. Have you asked her why she takes your shirts without asking?
I have asked her to ask. She gets irritated by that... I will ask her why that is soon.
Maybe she thinks that you shouldn't mind loaning her things, to which I would say that the asking is just a courtesy to you.
Oh, and have you told her that it bothered you that she did that, or just asked her why she does it?
[SIZE="1"]
Edit: had to add my question[/SIZE]
Its only a loan if she asks. I asked her to ask me because I may want to wear the shirt she picks. I told her it was ok to wear my shirts, just to ask for the specific shirt. She NEVER picks a plain shirt, she picks my coolest stenciled shirts just to wear around the house... then when we go out, they are dirty. It is discourteous. I have asked several times. Plus, I don't see why she does not just get her own shirts if that is what she wants to wear all the time?
Talked to her tonight, again, but this time told her to take all the plain ones she wanted, but to make sure to mention it to me if it was a printed T. Showed her that I was out of almost all of my printed T's and asked if she knew that I had not worn any of them from this last washing... she just nodded.
This is very unlike her, or us. Confusing to say the least. Courtesy is a cornerstone of our relationship... I can't see why this is an issue, but my asking obviously makes her want to clam-up.
Perhaps I'll get her some cool XXX T's for Christmas or something?
Don't look at me. I used to steal the girl's t-shirts (as she was a t-shirt and jeans sort of girl most of the time), I figured if it was clean, gender-inspecific, and fit me, it was fair game. Never complained when she did the same to me.
Of course, when she left, she left behind every shirt I'd ever worn, even if she could claim rightful ownership of it, at least one example of which, she'd had before she even met me.
Girls is funny that way, I guess.
You guys! We wear your stuff 'coz we look good in 'em!
Plus, we feel very rad when we've got boy stuff on. Very Thelma/Louise.
I know I liked it when I had to wear my girlfriend's stuff for Halloween. I went as Bono and I needed tight pants... she went as me, so when she changed into my stuff, I took her pants.
What?